04x14 - Brother, Can You Spare a Hot Rod?

[bunniefuu]

We all know a Detroit winter
can wreak havoc on your roof.

Accumulated snow can melt, then refreeze
in your overhang, blocking up your gutters.

When Al's gutters are blocked,
he gets cranky.

His face gets all bloated, big red blotches.
''l don't feel so good.''

Tim...

Blocked roof gutters can form an ice dam,

causing the water to back up
under the shingles and leak into the house.

You can melt the ice and prevent it from
refreezing with Binford's new heating coils.

They're very simple to install.
Marv, take a look.

Little clips are fastened
underneath the cable,

and there underneath your shingles,
like so.

Now, once they are properly in place,

they are guaranteed to work
every ''shingle'' time.

And now you know why
Al's a ''shingle'' man, jokes like that.

ln order to demonstrate
how these cables melt the snow,

we'd have to spend hours
installing the coils.

We'd also have to make it snow
in the building. Hm.

And that hasn't happened
since Tim blew a hole in the roof.

As fun as that was,
l went a different route today.

l went over to Al's mom's,
chopped off some of her home,

put snow on it and attached the coils
in a zigzag pattern.

This is not a piece of my mother's house.

She lives in a perfectly wonderful
mobile home.

You might've seen it on the freeways. Big
sign on the back - ''Wide load, look out.''

The cables are controlled by a thermostat.

They turn on when it gets cold
and turn off as the temperature rises.

We've already set the thermostat.
Let's show the audience how it works.

(sizzles)

How much voltage did you put in this?

.

l believe it's only regulated to .

But it would take hours to melt the ice
so l juiced it up a little bit,

'cause we got a show to do here, Al.

Look at that. No more blocked gutters.

(male narrator)
After the praying mantis mates.

the female of the species
devours the male

l guess that rules out a second date.

Randy, do you realize that every pair
of jeans you own have holes in them?

You're dead.
She's gonna take you shopping.

So, anyway, we're gonna have
to go shopping this weekend.

- Shopping with you is really embarrassing.
- lt is not.

You drag me into the stupidest stores,
you make me try on dorky clothes,

then you follow me into the dressing room.

lt's not like l'm the only mother
that does that.

And if all the mothers jumped into
Lake Michigan, would you do it too?

You are going jeans shopping,
whether you like it or not.

- Hi, guys.
- Come on, Mom, pants are the worst.

As soon as l try 'em on,
you stick your hands in.

l have to see if they fit.
You have to do that little jiggle thing.

- Very embarrassing. She does it to me.
- Thought you said you liked it.

- l do. Wanna jiggle me later?
- Sure.

- Mom, why can't Dad take me shopping?
- Oh, there's an idea.

The man whose fundamental approach
to shopping is speed.

My goal is to spend $ -
in under four seconds.

You don't check labels, you don't
compare prices, you don't try anything on.

That's why they have sizes, honey.
l'm a waist, l buy pants.

'', Dad? Come on.

Hey, guys. Jill!

l think l found some news
bigger than my pants.

Looks like my hot rod's
gonna be in his first hot rod show.

Really? That's great.

Somebody dropped out
of the custom car show at COBO.

Look where l am! Right between
the beer stand and the bathrooms.

Every guy in the place
is gonna be walking by me.

- Between the beer stand and bathroom?
- Yeah. Beer stand, bathroom.

Well, l guess you'll get
that flush-hour traffic.

Yesterday we talked about cold,
today we're talking about hot.

Hot dogs, hot cars, hot rods.

Hot dates.

Something Al knows very little about.

We're talking about hot rods today.

Our special guest is one of the sponsors
of the custom car show at COBO Hall,

a big car collector and one
of Detroit's own - Mr. Doug O'Brien!

- Hey, Doug. Welcome to the show.
- Mr. O'Brien.

Take a seat.

All right.

Now, l for one am pretty gosh-darn excited
about the custom car show.

There are cars from all over
the US and Canada.

Also from ltaly, and a couple
from as far away as New Zealand.

Many of them, l might add, brought to you
by my company, Papa Mia's Pizza.

- You're Papa Mia?
- l am.

l love your pizza.

As a big car collector, you see a lot of cars.
What gives you a thrill at a show like this?

l'm an old-fashioned guy.
No matter how many hot rods l own,

l really get a thrill out of seeing
a beautifully crafted restoration.

Bet it's the same kind of thrill l get
every time l eat one of your pizzas.

Al, put a sausage in it, will you?

l know you're a car guy, and everybody
else will love this. Marv, follow us outside.

l got something to show you
you'll see next week at the car show.

How are you, guys? How's your sister?

- When did you go to the thin crust?
- He outta jail yet?

Ladies and gentlemen, l'd like
to present three years of hard work,

Tim Taylor's Blue Goose, my hot rod.

Whoa. Beautiful ' . Chopped windshield
frame, great-looking short block.

lt is a Chevy. As a matter of fact,
Al helped me put this in.

l did. l still remember the night.

We ordered your deep-dish Super Papa
with eggplant and Canadian bacon.

How'd you find the time?
You must have a pretty understanding wife.

Well, she's certainly pretty. l started with
a bare frame and l built it up from there.

l got special color-coded, powder-coated
Holley Double Pumpers.

Every car guy takes pleasure
in adding his own special touches.

You know what l take pleasure in?
Your Hawaiian pizza.

And when you add the extra pineapple,
it's to die for.

Why don't we just order Al
a big one right now?

- (Tim) Evening, Wilson.
- Hi-de-ho, neighbor.

- What are you up to?
- Using paraffin to make candles.

Huh. Speaking of a ''pair of fins,''

my car was supposed to sit next to a '
Cadillac at the show, but that's changed.

What happened? Did you lose your spot
between the beer and the bathroom?

- l met this guy named Papa Mia...
- Whoa, Papa Mia the pizza magnate?

Boy, my favorite is his large cilantro
with feta cheese.

- That's great.
- l like it with extra snails.

- They put snails on a pizza?
- No, no, Tim. l put those snails on myself.

Papa Mia is a collector. He offered me a
chunk of change for my hot rod so l sold it.

Tim!

You sold the hot rod?
l'm taken aback.

l can't take it aback now.
l already gave it to him.

No, no, no. l'm surprised.
You put a lot of work into that hot rod.

Well, yeah, l did. But the work
was kinda what l liked, you know?

l was thinking about it today -
all the fun l had with it.

l got pictures here. Look at this.

- That's when l first had the chassis.
- That is a very photogenic chassis.

That's when l put the small block in.

Rebuilt it, painted it.
That's out of the paint shop.

And that's where l bronzed
his first set of brake shoes.

lt's so funny, Tim. Most guys would have
pictures of their family in their wallet.

Yeah, it is funny, isn't it?

- They're back here.
- Oh, there they are.

Sitting in the hot rod.

You're not getting out of it, Randy. You're
going pants shopping in the morning.

No way, Mom. l'm going with Dad
to the hot rod show tomorrow.

Oh, l forgot about the hot rod show
and how much you're looking forward to it.

Too bad. You're going shopping with me.

Hi! Guess what happened
today on Tool Time

Lemme guess.
The firemen let you put out your own fire.

Yeah, they did.

But before that we had a special guest
on the show - Papa Mia the pizza guy.

Oh, yeah, Papa Mia Pizza.
''lf we're not there in minutes...''

''...You shoulda given us better directions.''

Anyway, Papa Mia loved my hot rod
so much he made me quite a nice offer.

- Well... you didn't take it, did you?
- Oh, don't be silly.

Your father put his heart and soul into
that car. You can't put a price on your soul.

Yeah, you can.

- You didn't sell the hot rod?
- Yeah!

You sold the hot rod?

Dad, how could you have done that? You
said when l got my license l could drive it.

- Yeah, me too.
- l can't believe this.

When you see this check you'll believe it.

l don't care about the money. How could
you sell something you love just like that?

Yeah. l thought we'd have to bury you in it.

Come on, guys. What's up here?

Tim, where do you draw the line?

For enough money, are you gonna
sell your tools? Me? The kids?

l'm not selling my tools.

l can't believe you actually did this. lf you
were gonna sell it, you could've told me.

- l helped build it.
- l know l didn't plan to sell it.

l thought you and l were gonna
go cruising in it and showing off for people.

Next time you need help,
don't bother asking me.

Come on, Brad. Brad?

- l didn't think he'd take it like this.
- How would you feel

if you put three years into something with
your father and he sold it from under you?

Should l go try to get it back?

l think that you should do
what you think is right.

Oh, l hate it when you say that.

Hello, lnformation.
l'd like the number for Papa Mia's Pizza.

No, no. Not the delivery,
their corporate offices. Uh-huh?

Yes, l understand.

Mushroom and artichoke?
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

Yeah? Oh, it's to die for, right?
Yeah, that's great.

Well, l don't really have... Uh-huh.
l know, the breadsticks... Ooh, boy.

You know what? l'm just gonna go
let my fingers do the walking. Uh-huh.

l've never had that salad with that
combination. OK. Thank you. Goodbye.

Oh, these are darling.

Mom, ''darling'' will get
my butt kicked at school.

Don't put 'em down
till you've tried them on.

Do you think we have enough?

Enough pants, but now
we have to get shirts to go with them.

Shirts? You never said
anything about shirts.

Honey, if you don't get shirts to go with
the pants, then you don't have an outfit.

Mom, guys do not wear outfits. l mean,
why don't you just put me in a dress?

l think you should try this bigger size.
lt might give you more room in the seat.

Randy? Oh, sorry.

Oh. Randy.

Mom!

Oh, please. Like l haven't seen it before.

Come on out here. l want to look at these.

Well, length looks OK. How's the crotch?

Could you say ''crotch'' a little louder?
l don't think everybody heard you.

Would you haul this up around so
l can see the waist? Let me see how it fits.

Do you have to jiggle?

- What if someone l know sees me?
- Please, nobody is looking at you.

Hi, Randy.

Beth. Hi.

Hi, Beth.

- So, Beth, what are you doing here?
- Shopping for clothes.

Shopping for clothes.
Good thing to do in a clothing store.

So how did you do
on that biology test today?

l missed an easy one on vertebrae.

That is such a funny word - ''vertebrae.''

But then again, so is ''protoplasm.''

Oh, boy.

So... do you shop in this store a lot?

Well, yeah...

But not with my mom. We just happened
to be in here. l was looking for pants and...

Yeah, l was over at the Cheese Chalet
buying a Gouda log.

l never shop for Randy anymore. He's
obviously old enough to buy his own stuff.

- What do you think about this for me?
- Ma'am?

ls this the kind of underwear
you wanted for your little boy?

- Oh, please. lt was not that embarrassing.
- Yes, it was, Mom.

Now tomorrow everyone at school's gonna
come up to me and try and jiggle my pants.

Honey, it is not the end of the world.

Everybody has something embarrassing
happen to them sometime.

When l was your age, l was in the school
lunchroom with a whole bunch of boys

and somebody told a stupid joke,

and l laughed so hard
chocolate milk came right out of my nose.

Thought l was going to die.

Then did your mom run in
and show everybody your bra?

Well, no.

Try me again when you have a story
that involves underwear.

- How was shopping? What did you get?
- Humiliated.

- What happened?
- He thinks l embarrassed him at the mall.

What did you do this time?
Give him a bath in the fountain?

No, Tim.
How'd it go with Papa Mia?

Not real well. Thanks.

There's no way
he's going to sell the hot rod back.

- He did give me a coupon for a pizza.
- What are you gonna do?

- Probably go with the clam sauce.
- l mean about the car.

- l'll go and talk to him. Maybe take Brad.
- Why Brad?

lf he sees he's upset
maybe we'll get the car.

What if Papa Mia doesn't care?

- Maybe we could talk to his wife.
- Mama Mia?

Right this way.

Well, here's Mr. O'Brien's collection.

- Dad, check out...
- Don't touch anything!

- Hey, Brad. Check this out. A Bentley.
- So, what do you think?

l think l've d*ed and gone to heaven.

lf this were heaven
l wouldn't be making $ . an hour.

- l'll tell Mr. O'Brien you're here.
- (Tim) Thanks.

- Do you think maybe l could look around?
- Sure. Help yourself.

- Dad, these cars are awesome.
- Yeah. Don't touch it!

Ooh, Jill, look at this. lt's a ' or '
Duesenberg. lsn't this pretty?

Dad, check it out. A ' Packard.

(sighs)

You guys are starting to drool.

Hey. Can you people read the sign?

No eating... drinking... or drooling!

- Keep moving.
- All right.

Remember, every time
O'Brien looks at you,

work on that pathetic face, OK?

You can do better than that.

You know the one you make when l say
we have to go to Aunt Lucille's for the day?

Not you, Tim.

That's good, that's good.

Now remember, squeezing out
some tears - that could help.

- Wow. Another Duesenberg.
- Ohh...

This is a limo, too.
This is worth over a million bucks.

What kind of fool would pay
a million dollars for a car?

This kind of fool.

Oh, you think l said ''fool''?
l said ''fuel.''

They must use a lot of fuel.

- Doug, l'd like you to meet my wife Jill.
- Hi.

And this is my son Sad... l mean, Brad.

- What's wrong with him?
- He's a little sad about the car.

l'm sorry, son, but like l told your father
on the phone, l can't sell him back his car.

Mr. O'Brien, you gotta hear him out.

There's nothing to talk about.
A deal's a deal.

l sold this car before
l had a chance to think about it.

- You make decisions without thinking?
- Constantly!

He is the most impulsive person
that you will ever meet.

And l mean that in a bad way.

lt took me three years to build this hot rod.
lt means an awful lot to me.

Look, this car means a lot to me, too.

When l was a kid,
my daddy had a ' Ford roadster.

He loved that car. And even though
he didn't have any money,

when he rode around in that car,
he felt like a million bucks.

When l wanted to start my own business,
l didn't have a nickel.

Daddy sold his car
so l could buy my first pizza oven.

Wow.

And now... you're Papa Mia, the pizza guy.

When l was on Tool Time.
Daddy saw the car

and it reminded him
of the one he gave up for me.

Next month is Daddy's th birthday
and l can't think of a thing in the world

that would make that wonderful old man
any happier than this car.

Buy him a pizza oven.

Tim, there's no way
we're gonna get the hot rod back.

You want Daddy to be unhappy
on his th birthday?

l don't even know Daddy.

- Hey, Dad, check this one out.
- What is it?

lt's a ' Ford convertible.

Excuse me. Don't touch it!

(grunts)

l think it's a ' , son.

No, no, no, no!

lt's got the marker lights there.
Yeah, you're right - it's a ' . Ugh.

- Boy, what a mess.
- Yeah, it's a piece of junk.

- lt needs a lot of work.
- Yeah, but isn't it great?

- We could chop and channel this.
- Shave the bumpers.

Wait a minute.
Put a big block in and retro the interior.

Yeah. You know how much fun
this thing would be to work on?

l like that what excites you about cars
is the work that goes into them.

Hey, O'Brien. ls this thing for sale?

l'll tell you what, one car guy to another,
l'll make you a great deal on this car.

- Let's do it!
- All right!

This is great. Hear that?
We have a new car to rebuild.

Oh, no.

lt's gonna be fun. The whole...

You know something? Of all the cars here,
that would've been my choice.

Smart move.

(Brad) This'll be fun.

- We need to get some better interiors.
- Whoa!

(male narrator) That concludes our look at
sexual reproduction habits of the bualo

Next week. we'll take a look
at sex and the humpback whale

What is this, the Mating Channel? Can't
you guys find something else to watch?

Fine. We'll just have to learn
about the humpback on the streets.

Randy? l got you something else
from the clothing store.

No way. l'm not trying on
any more clothes for the rest of my life.

l think you'll like this.

- lt's a gift certificate.
- Yup.

Next time you need pants you can
just go and get whatever you want.

- You won't be at the store with me?
- lf you like, l won't be in the same country.

- Hey, sounds good to us.
- Thank you, Mark.

- Come on. Wanna see the new hot rod?
- Yeah!

What took you so long?
lt's only, like, a -minute drive.

Yeah, but when the engine dies
it takes a little longer.

Especially when l have
to do all the pushing.

Hey, it's all part of being a car guy, buddy.
(laughs)

Well, guys.
Take a look at your new kid sister.

She looks old enough
to be our grandmother.

A Detroit winter
can wreak hafoc on your rook.

Hi. This is Tim Taylor from the
Home Improvement show here at Disney.

We'd like to order
one of those pizzas of yours.

l'll go with the sea squid
and the pollum sperm. Yeah.

Pollum sperm?

There's no way
we're getting the hot rod back.

He did offer me a coupon
for a medium pizza though.

- Well, what are you gonna do?
- Order one with pe-peaches and...