03x22 - The Return of the Hero

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Good evening, ladies, gentleman,

and those of you who have
arrived too late to classify.

I wish to welcome you
to Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

Please relax.

There is no admission charge,
no cover and no minimum.

This is a non-profit organization.

Profit being defined as that which is left
after I take my share.

Tonight's electronic floor show
transports us to France,

the nation noted for fine wines and, uh,
provocative postcards.

The scene is Léon's Café
in Marseilles.

Fernand, go home.
You're drunk!

Drunk?
On your wine?

Léon, listen to me.

The old days we knew,
you and I, they're gone.

Good.
Léon, I'm serious.

And I'm not drunk.

Not yet tonight anyway.

Just because you
are Thérese's father,

you have no right to
force her into this marriage.

You keep your red nose
out of my business!

Now, go home!

As you can see,
Alphonse and I have
not yet finished our wine,

which is paid for.

I told you two bouillabaisse
for Table .

I served that already,
Papa.

Well, who gets this one?

Uncle Fernand.

He is not your uncle!
Well, get the money first.

Well, what did you expect?

Nothing.

I expected nothing.

I knew you would not come.

It was raining.

You see, we were
called upon to get
our discharge papers.

Do you think
the Army wishes to
make it easy?

"Sergeant Daumier, Corporal Marchand,"
they say, "sign here!"

Is that all?
Oh, no, my little pullet.

It takes a day and a night
to get one like this.

Then you'll be going home?

What is life, but going home?

Another Pernod?

Yes, yes. Another Pernod.

What will you have,
nightingale?

I always drink the same thing
I never, never change

I always drink the same thing
Or else I will get sick

Here.

I thought he was
the rich one.

He is,
but I owe him something.

You see, I saved his life.

I'm sorry, André,

but somebody had to tell her
you were going home.

Why?
Why?

Well,
for one thing she's not like

those witches in
the Algerian desert.

For another,
she's lost her head over you.

Poor little pullet.

I did not ask her to.

Did I?

No.

I promised her nothing.

A pullet like Thérese,
it isn't necessary to promise.

When a sheltered one like
this loses her head, well...

Well, well, that's her lookout,

not mine.

And, anyway,
what business is it of yours?

You are my friend.

Friends can say these things
to each other.

No?

You know I haven't any money.

Uncle Fernand,
I have explained.

With the compliments
of the house.

Oh.

Tell me, how could you possibly
have smuggled it past your father?

That is my business.

Eat it now,
while it's still hot.

Something is wrong, child?

The sergeant?

His friend says he is going home.

So we were together out on
the desert for five hours.

And without water!

The sun blazing down on us,
we crawled over the hot sand.

Then we were picked up
by an ambulance.

Well, we were in the same ward
in the m*llitary hospital.

Today we'll receive
the Croix de Guerre.

And today, still together,
we'll receive

the highest award
the Republic can give.

We both became civilians.

You've heard of
the Unknown Soldier?

This one is
the Known Soldier.

He talks too much.

What a beautiful man!

And such a miserable temper.

I'd take him,
temper and all.

And he wouldn't
have to go to work.

I'd look after him.

Dream on, chéri.

He is rich
and he is fiancé

to a Belgian baroness.

And I'm a Ukrainian princess.

See for yourself.

Her name is
Sybil de la Motte.

If she is his fiancée,
why is her picture in your wallet?

There are times a man needs
a picture to look at.

André had a picture to spare

and I had room in my wallet.

But I shall meet her soon.

For I shall be occupying

one of the guest suites
of André's chateau.

Didn't I tell you
I was going home
as soon as I got my papers?

Yes.

Then why the long face?

No reason.

I always meant to leave.

And you knew it.

Marseilles was
never to be anything
more than a stopover.

Do you think that
a few kisses in the dark
mean anything to a soldier?

I told you
every soldier needs a girl.

It goes with the uniform.

Yes, you told me that.

You think that we're living
in the world?

Well, we are not!
We're just camping in it

between wars!

Do you suppose that,
simply by taking off this
uniform, I can forget it?

I know it was a dark time...

Yes.

A terrible, heavy time.
But it's over

and you must forget it.

Forget?
How can I forget?

I could help you, André.
André...

I would so like to
help you forget.

No, no, I...

I don't want your help.

I don't believe that.

You say many things to me,
André.

Bad, angry things.

But these two weeks
you have been here,

there were times
you were kind to me.

Tender, even.

This is what I remember.

This is what I think
when I look at you.

I do so want to be with you,
to look after you.

I don't need anyone
to look after me!

Maybe you forget.
I am going back to my home,

my friends, my family,

to all the things
a man can ever want.

Not this here.

I know I would be out of
place at St. Gervaise, but...

Give me a Pernod.

André,
haven't you had enough?

I'm a soldier only
just out of the hospital.

Let us pretend that
you are a Red Cross girl.

Very well.

I do not want a paper,

I do not want a cigarette,
I want a Pernod.

It is your duty to
give it to me,

just as it is your duty to give me

anything else I might want.

Your favorite Burgundy,
François.

No, no.

Have I not told you?
In my cafe my relatives do not pay.

But I'm not so sure
we are going to be relatives.

Well, why is that?

Has Thérese grown
old since last night

or ugly or fat or stupid?

No, not stupid. Worse.

Gaga!
Gaga?

You know what she was
doing this morning?

She was in the park,
sitting on a bench.

What is gaga about that?

You forget it was pouring rain!

Thérese! Thérese!

Were you sitting in the park
this morning in the pouring rain?

Yes, Papa.

What on earth
were you doing there,

except getting soaked?

I had my umbrella, Papa.

You are talking
like an idiot!

If you're going to
hold a family squabble,

do it in the kitchen.
Not here!

This is a private matter,
Sergeant.

You keep out of it.

You mind your tongue,
butcher, or I'll cut it out

and hang it in
your shop window.

Come on.

Come closer, come on.

Cut me a chop, André,
about so thick.

It has come to me.

I know now why she was
sitting in the rain.

She was praying.

But of course.

Sixteen years of life in a convent
leaves its mark on a young girl.

They're timid.

They walk around on tiptoes
and they're full of tears and prayers.

But after marriage
and a few babies,

they make the best wives
of all, eh, François?

Play J'attendrai again,
will you?

Here is the family chateau.

There's a rumor Madame du Barry
slept here more than once.

And this is
the family yacht

for Mediterranean cruises.

This is Cyrano,
one of André's horses.

Last year he won the Grand Prix
at Longchamp.

Paid five to one.

I had , francs
on the nose

and that is how I
happen to know that

Cyrano belongs to
the Countess d'Auberge.

André's mother.

That would make him
the Count d'Auberge.

No, his name is Daumier.

You see, the Count is his
mother's second husband.

Picture postcards
sold at any newsstand.

Three for francs.

Shhh! Not so loud.

André gets very angry
when I talk about his family.

He gets very touchy.

I can imagine.

That's why you carry
all the pictures.

You do the publicity,
he cashes in.

Why aren't you
at the chateau now,

you and your fine friend
with the Kn*fe?

I'll tell you why.

Because you are both
just a couple of...

You don't believe me.

Why not put some money
where your mouth is?

How much?

Let's say , francs,

the money you won
on our horse.

Agreed! You heard him.
Ten thousand!

Now, go ahead.
Prove it.

There.

Call the Countess d'Auberge
at St. Gervaise.

No number necessary.

Tell her it's her son,

André Daumier, calling.

Reverse the charges.

If she accepts the call,
proves I am right.

Not unless he talks to her.

Not unless I hear.

The Countess d'Auberge
in St. Gervaise.

This is her son
André Daumier.

Reverse the charges.

It is the Countess herself.

Good evening.

André will be right here.

One moment, please. André.

It's your mother.

My what?
Your mother doesn't know
you're back in France yet.

Tell her.

Any man but you, Marcel,
I would k*ll him for this.

But I had to prove to
the pig of a butcher
that I was telling the truth.

For , francs, André,
do you blame me?

Please.

Hello, André?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

André!

André, my darling.

It's wonderful
to hear your voice.

Let me talk to him, Mama!
Lili, please...

Go and get your
father and Sybil.

When did you get
back from Algiers?

About two weeks ago.

But, André, two weeks ago?

Why haven't you
telephoned sooner?

Well, when will you be home?

Tomorrow evening.

How splendid!

I wish you would have
let me know ahead of time.

We're having a party.
More than people.

André, if I would have
known you were coming,

I would have postponed it
and invited more!

Mother, you will never change.

How is Lili?

Lili's well, as always.

Good. And Sybil?

Sybil is well, too.

My stepfather?

He's fine.
They want to talk to you.

I want to talk to them, too.

I'll fly your tailor
up from Rome this weekend.

I'm sure you need
an entire wardrobe.

André, have you lost any weight?

A few pounds, maybe.
I'm all right.

, , , , , .

Mother...
Thank you.

François,
I want a word with you.

... and your horses, they have
been ridden every day.

Good, that's good.
But listen,

I've invited a friend
of mine to come with
me and to stay for a while.

But of course, my darling,
bring anyone you want.

We have still two guest suites vacant.

Oh, André,
they couldn't have

discharged you
at a better time.

The season is just beginning.

Everybody is back
from Deauville, the Riviera...

There are parties every day.

Of course, I shall want to
redecorate your rooms.

Anyway, darling,
that's all for now.

I have to go back
to my guests.

Hurry home!

Here's Sybil.

I'm next.

Mother, wait a minute!

Hello, André.

Oh, Sybil?

How are you?

Fine, thank you. Was really naughty of you
not to have called sooner.

I know. I'm sorry.

André, I was quite worried when
I heard you were in the hospital.

Was it very bad?

No, it's nothing.

I am glad.

Are you quite recovered?

Quite, quite.

Good. André?

You really could have written,
you know.

Three months without a letter
from you.

If you missed me so much,
why didn't you write?

Oh, let's not argue about it, will you?

Now, I would like to
speak to my mother again, please.

All right. Just a minute.

Hello. This is Lili!

Lili? Oh, how are you?
I'm glad to hear you.

I'm fine, but how are you?

Fine, fine.

How is your
spider collection?

I have a lovely new specimen,
but I can't wait to see you.

It will be good to see you, too.

Lili, as the only sane member
of our family,

will you listen to me?

Of course.

Good.

About the friend that
I'm bringing with me...

Well, go ahead.
I'm listening.

Oh. Oh!

You'd better wait a minute
and I'll find out.

André is bringing
home a friend with him.

I told him it was all right.

Why does he make
such a point of it?

But you don't understand.
André's friend has lost a leg!

Oh.

Well, haven't they given him
one of those artificial ones?

No, he says it's too soon
after the operation.

He'll have to walk in crutches
or be pushed in a wheelchair.

Well, that's terrible!
To bring a cr*pple in here!

He won't fit in.

You mean his presence would
put a damper on our activities?

Just a moment, André.
We're having a family conference.

How extraordinary of André
to suggest such a thing.

I'm afraid
the unfortunate boy will feel

terribly out of it in the midst
of all our parties.

Excuse me, my dear.

André, my darling,
of course we'd love to
have your friend,

but don't you think he will
feel a little awkward?

He won't be able to ride
or swim or dance.

He'll be so out of it.

You don't understand.

It happens this fellow saved my life.

I'm sure he's a wonderful boy

and if he saved your life
we must certainly be grateful to him

and do everything to make his life as
comfortable and as happy as possible.

I'm glad to hear you say that.

Then I bring him home with me.

Thank you very much.

No, no, no, André.

I didn't mean that at all.

You did not understand me.

Naturally, we must help him
in every way we can.

Send him to Switzerland,
to the Riviera, anywhere.

We'll be glad to pay for it.

But don't bring him home!

Not now.

It would be so depressing having
such an unfortunate boy around.

André, I don't agree with them!

Let me, please.

Hello. Glad to hear
your voice, my boy.

But your mother is right.

We've talked about it
long enough.

We really must go
back to our guests.

Goodbye. Hurry home, will you?

André, what shall I
play for you now?

A happy song, Jeannette.

From the sound of things,
maybe I'd better not go home with you.

It's my fault.

We shouldn't have
surprised them like that
with the telephone call.

André, you go home first.

In a week or two...
Well, we shall see.

Maybe I can join you then.

No, Marcel.

I cannot take you with me.

Not home,

because I am not going home.

André,
we will go back now
to the pension for tonight.

No, no.

Tomorrow will be better.

You'll see.

Well...

Goodbye, Marcel.

And you, Thérese,
you marry the butcher.

After all, he's next door
and convenient.

So marry him

and live a long and happy life.

Where do you think you're going?

Let me go, Papa!

Please let me go!

I have to go with him.
I love him!

Ah, you love him...

Is that what you want, child?

Oh, yes, Uncle Fernand.

Léon, let her go.

Shut up, you drunk!

Let her go
or I will k*ll you!

All right, Thérese.

Do what you think is right.

André!

André!

Tonight I shall not indulge
in my usual gallows humor,

for this program has no desire to

make light of men who have suffered
because of w*r.

This concludes tonight's show.

Next time we shall return
to the scene of our crime.

I hope you will join us.
Good night.