03x34 - The Crocodile Case

[bunniefuu]

Good evening.

I can tell by the rude noises
you are making

that you are impatient to see our film.

However there will be a slight delay.

Is there a barber in the house?

If there is, will he please report
to the projection booth?

Our projection has seemed to have caught
his moustache in a sprocket.

Of course, it could have been worse.

The popcorn machine
might have broken down.

As you know our theatre spares no expense

to make you television addicts feel at home.

Our movies are the oldest
that money can buy.

And tonight as a special attraction

we shall present
some television commercials.

I knew you'd like that.

They will be injected
at various points during our picture

to keep you from getting
too engrossed in the story.

I understand they are
very good at relieving tensions

and furnishing comic relief.

And now, if you will quiet down,
we shall begin our program.

We are bringing you the
music of Ronnie Temple and his orchestra

directly from the ballroom
of the Langdon Hotel in Bywater.

Ronnie and the boys will now play
a little foxtrot for you.

Hello there!
Having a spot of trouble?

Sorry to disturb you
but you'll have to pull over.

I can't get past.

Well!

Where's Arthur?
Hasn't he arrived yet?

No, he hasn't, and you know
I have to be home by : .

Well, I've done all I can.
I rang minutes ago

and he said he was coming
straight here by the short cut.

Hello, Phyllis.
You still here?

I thought your husband
had rescued you by now.

No, we haven't even seen Arthur.

My sister will catch it from Dad
if she's not home in minutes.

That's no problem. I can drive you home
myself if you'd like. How about that?

Thanks, Jack.
Oh, but what about Arthur?

Look, I can tell the doorman
I've taken you home, shall I?

Okay, that's fine by me.

How about you, Aileen?

All right.

Fine. If only you two would get your coats,
I'll bring the car around.

Fine, thanks. Come on.

Made off with my drink, Charlie?

No, sir. I saved it for you.

Thanks. If you think I don't need it,

you try getting out on that floor
for three in a row.

Me? I'm a wreck just listening to it
night after night.

Thank you, sir.

Arthur! Arthur!

Arthur isn't home yet.

You did leave word for him?

I said I would, didn't I?

Come, I'll wait with you.

There isn't a thing to worry about.

I can't imagine what's happened to Arthur.

I told you not to worry about it.

But I am worried.

He might have had an accident or something,
or gone into the ditch.

He might even have had a heart att*ck
and at his age it could be fatal.

It doesn't matter whether
it's an accident or a heart att*ck

as long as it is fatal, does it?

Oh, what a ghastly
thing to say.

What's so ghastly about it?

How many times have you said yourself

it would be an act of mercy
to put him out of his misery.

I may have said it.

What do you mean, may have?

Well, I didn't mean it.

Wanting your own husband dead.
It's wicked.

Now wait a minute.
You can't back out of it now.

How many times have you said
that he was old and decrepit and jealous,

and if only he'd curl up and die
we'd have our chance.

But you couldn't have thought
I was serious!

Of course I thought
you were serious!

I thought you wanted him out of the way.
That's why I k*lled him.

That's why you what?

That's why I k*lled him.

Oh, no.
Now, Phyl.

No!
Phyl, stop it.
Get a grip of yourself!

I only did what you wanted!

I didn't I didn't want him dead.

It's too late. He is dead.

Don't you understand?
Now, Phyl, listen.

Now, the police will come at any moment.
They may be here any minute.

You've got to keep your head!

Phyl, sweetheart, listen,
you've got to know what to say.

If the police come now
we'll both be in the dock.

Me? But I didn't do anything.

But you did. Don't you remember?

You telephoned him and you told him
to come and pick you up,

and to take the short cut.

That makes you an accessory, Phyl.
An accessory.

And it won't do you any good to say
you didn't know what was going to happen.

If I'm arrested, Phyl,
you will be arrested too.

Me? Me arrested?

Now, darling, you know why I did this.

So that we could be together.

You were unhappy with Arthur,
you know you were.

And I couldn't stand that.

I love you, darling.

There isn't anything in the world
I wouldn't do to make you happy.

Poor, Jack. Oh, you did mean well.

Oh, and you did it for my sake.
I can't very well hate you for it, can I?

Well, I hoped you won't.

But it was wrong, terribly wrong.

Poor, Jack, I can't let you
go to prison, can I?

Don't worry. When the police come
I'll tell them everything...

Just the truth, darling.

Just tell them everything
exactly as it happened.

Yes.

Except, of course, that I k*lled Arthur.

If you try to lie to them they're sure
to find out, they always do,

and they'll be suspicious.

Now, look,
I've taken care of everything.

All you have to do is to tell them the truth
and stick to it. You understand?

Yes, Jack.
I'll do exactly as you tell me.

That's my girl.

Jack, where...
Is he in the car?

No.

And you must keep your mind off it
till you hear about it from the police.

All right.

But you did see my crocodile dressing case
in the car, didn't you?

Arthur was bringing it back from the shop
where he had taken it to be repaired.

Yes, it's there on the seat.
And that purple scarf, too.

Well, I wish you'd brought it with you.

Didn't occur to me at the time.

Listen.

I think it's the police.
Now this is it.

Do you think you can bring it off?

Yes. Yes I have to,
for your sake.

Oh, good evening.

Mrs. Arthur Chaundry?

Yes, I'm...
Is there something wrong?

Well, I'm Superintendent Karsiak,
Mrs. Chaundry,

and this is Sergeant Rason.
How do you do?

Would you mind
if we came in for a moment?

No, no, of course not.
Please come in.

But if there's something wrong,
I wish you'd tell me.

I know it's late, Mrs. Chaundry, but we'll
make this as brief as possible for you.

Yes of course.
This way please.

Oh, this is an old friend of ours,
Mr. Lyons. Superintendent Karsiak.

Good evening, sir.
Good evening.

Mrs. Chaundry, does your husband
own a sedan, license number...

HAC- , sir.

Yes. Yes, that's our car.
What's happened?

Has there been an accident?
Is Arthur all right?

No. I'm sorry to be the bearer
of bad news, Mrs. Chaundry,

but your husband is dead.

Oh, Arthur. Oh, Jack!

I'm so sorry.
Oh, Jack.

I'm so sorry.
Here, take the handkerchief.

What happened?

He was att*cked on a deserted road
leading to Bywater.

You wouldn't happen to know what he was
doing there, Mrs. Chaundry, would you?

Yes. Yes, he was coming
to get me from the Langdon.

I'd gone there to a dance with my sister.

Mr. Lyons?

Oh, I'd like to explain that, Superintendent.

Mrs. Chaundry rented a car from me.
Lyons' Garage.

As I was going to the Langdon
myself tonight,

I said I'd drive her
instead of one of my staff.

Well, when we arrived there
Mrs. Chaundry was naturally

a little upset in case
I was mistaken for her escort.

I must say it had never occurred to me.

But I saw it might upset her, so I suggested
that she telephone her husband.

Oh, yes. But what we don't quite understand

is why was he coming by way of the lane
instead of the main road.

That's because he wasn't coming from here.

He was at the Greenfellows' Club,
he's the treasurer.

Oh. Then it's possible he was
carrying considerable cash?

Oh, yes.

Your husband's wallet
appears to be missing.

Was anything else stolen?

What?

My crocodile dressing case,
it was in the car, wasn't it?

Why, what makes you think so,
Mrs. Chaundry?

Oh, but it must have been,

because my husband told me
on the telephone

he was bringing it back
from Borota's in Regent Street.

He'd taken it there to be repaired.
There was a scratch on the leather.

A crocodile dressing case
with real gold fittings.

We found nothing in the car
except a purple scarf.

Well, then it's been stolen.
You must get it back for me, superintendent,

because it cost L .

Well, the Sergeant will get
a full description of it
from you tomorrow

and we'll try and get it back for you,
Mrs. Chaundry.

Also find out who k*lled your husband.

Oh, Arthur!

Oh, the Coroner will inform you
of the time of the inquest.

Good night, Mrs. Chaundry.
Good night, Mr. Lyons.

You said it was in the car.
What did you do with it?

I left it there, just as I told you.

All I took was his wallet. I threw that
in the ditch and I b*rned the money.

Then what's happened to it?

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew.

The Coroner's jury today
returned a verdict of m*rder

by person or persons unknown
in the death of Mr. Arthur Chaundry.

Hello?

Hello, Phyllis.
What's the matter?

That's what I called to ask you.

You paid absolutely no attention
whatsoever to me at the inquest today.

And why didn't you see me home?

Darling, I couldn't.
It would have started all sorts of scandal.

Well, if I can't see you here,
where can I see you?

We can't meet anywhere.
Not until it's safe.

And it isn't a good idea
to phone me either.

Phyllis...

Why, Jack Lyons!
What a surprise seeing you.

I had no idea
you were in town.

Oh, Aileen, you remember
Jack Lyons, don't you?

How do you do.

Hello.

Imagine seeing you.

We just came to town
to do some shopping

and I remembered that someone
had recommended this restaurant

and, well, here we are.

Won't you sit down?

No, thank you, we just stopped in for tea.

Phyllis.

I might just sit down
just for a moment.

What a nice coincidence.

It's not a coincidence
and you know it.

You're going to ruin everything
if you're not careful.

Oh, relax.

Nobody knows us here except Aileen
and she thinks it was an accident.

How soon can we be married?

Well, as soon as it's safe.
People usually wait a year.

Oh, Jack, a year! I'd go mad
if I had to live in that house on my own.

You don't have to stay there.

You've got plenty of money.

Why don't you take a holiday,
go to Torquay?

Torquay?

Darling, I'm only thinking
what's best for you.

Oh, all right.
I'll go to Torquay.

But you'll write to me every day, won't you?

I won't write to you at all
and you won't write to me either.

The police would only have to get hold
of just one letter and we'd be sunk.

Oh, the police.
They haven't done a thing.

I had my solicitor write them
a letter the other day.

You did what?

Well, they haven't found my dressing case.

I don't think they're even trying.

Phyl, for heaven's sake drop it.
What are you trying to do?

Give them a chance to forget about it.

Now you're angry with me.

No, I'm not. Honestly, I'm not.

Only, you scare me.
You're like a child.

The sooner we get married
the safer we'll be.

Phyl? Phyllis?

Yes.

Will you get me a cup of tea, darling?

Oh, how much longer are you
going to be on those old books?

I've got to see if they balance out.

Couldn't you do them another time?
I want to go dancing.

With the auditors coming?
They don't take excuses, you know.

Oh, that's silly. It's your garage.
If they don't like the way you...

Look, Phyl, let me handle the business.
You've got no head for it.

But I bought a new dress
and I want to wear it.

I thought you went
to a matinee with your sister.

We did.

And I went shopping
and I went to Scotland Yard.

Well, then you must be...

You went where?

Scotland Yard.

What in heaven's name
did you do that for?

Well, I went to see
if they got my dressing case.

Superintendent Karsiak
hasn't done a thing about it.

Now, Phyl, will you forget
about that blasted dressing case?

If you keep nagging about it
you'll upset everything.

Jack!

Just 'cause Karsiak never found out who did
Arthur in, don't think he's forgotten about it.

And if you bring Scotland Yard
into this, we'll never be safe.

But you know how much that
dressing case means to me.

Then buy yourself one.
You've got plenty of money now.

I don't want another one,
I want the one Arthur gave me!

Phyl, I swear
I don't understand you!

You were fed up with Arthur,

all you talked about
was getting rid of him,

and now that he's gone you go
all soft and sentimental about him.

Oh, you don't understand.

There was a time when we were first married,
Arthur was very devoted to me.

He was very kind and very considerate.

That's when he gave me the dressing case.

It's only natural that I should be
sentimental about it.

Now listen to me, my girl.
I'm giving you fair warning.

You forget about that dressing case
or we'll both regret it!

What a thing to say, certainly not.

I think you're positively wicked.

Oh, I didn't say never.
Oh, you never can tell.

Oh, I've got to go now.
Yes, I've got to say goodbye.

Goodbye, Wilfy.

Who were you talking to?

Wilfy.
Who's he?

Oh, you know who Wilfy is.

I met him when I was in Torquay.

Darling, I'm sorry about last night.
I shouldn't have lost my temper like that.

Jack, darling, that's all right.
I knew you didn't want to hurt me.

I'm not angry with you.
Really I'm not.

It's just that I forget sometimes that
certain things are important to women.

Well, I have to learn to accept you
as you really are.

Anyway, I went up to
Regent Street today and look.

Oh, Jack, darling!

Oh, it's a dressing case
just like my other one.

You know how I adore crocodile...

Oh, it isn't crocodile.

No it isn't, but I got it at Borota's.

And it cost a fortune.

It isn't the same.

Well, I didn't want
anything to remind us of...

Remind us of what?

Maybe you can forget about Arthur
but I can't and nor can the police.

I won't have the word crocodile
mentioned again in this house.

And if you don't like it

you can take if back to the shop
or give it to your sister or throw it away!

Don't you speak to me like that.
I won't have it.

You're not the only man
in the world, you know.

There are plenty of other people
that could be nice to me.

People have been nice
to you all your life.

Your father spoiled you, and so did Arthur
and I've had a year of it.

And if you think your friend Wilfy
can do any better for you,

you'd better go to him.

He certainly could,
he could do a lot better.

He wants me to tour
the continent with him.

Oh, he does, does he?
Yes.

Well, as far as I'm concerned
the sooner you get started, the better!

Come in!

Whoever you are.

Good evening, Mr. Lyons.
I do apologize for calling so late.

Who says it's so late?
I don't say it's so late.

I would like a word
with your wife, if I may.

In that case it is too late.

Oh, well, if she's retired...

She has retired, retreated, fallen back,
all the way to the continent.

Dunkirk in reverse.

Dunkirk in reverse!

Well, perhaps
it's just as well.

I'm gonna be honest with you, Mr. Lyons.
Your wife's been giving us a lot of trouble.

Seems she went to Scotland Yard
about that dressing case of hers,

you know, the one that disappeared
at the time of the m*rder.

Oh, it's bad enough having
an unsolved m*rder on your hands.

Now we've got the Yard
looking over our shoulders.

You won't have any more trouble
because she isn't coming back.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Just when it looks as if we may have
found her dressing case.

You found it?
Uh-huh.

No credit to us.
Though I will say we worked hard.

We had a bit of luck.

You know, one of those freak things
there's no accounting for.

Seems as if a truck,
a six tone truck, Mr. Lyons,

backs into a cottage in Wiltshire,

and in the debris
is a chest full of stolen goods.

Well, I suppose you got to give
the Wiltshire police credit

for being on their toes.

If you can find the thief...

Oh, we've got him.
A tramp named Dan Mintz.

He swears he was in Scotland
at the time of the m*rder,

but we've got reason to believe
he was not only here,

he was employed as a car washer
in your garage.

Was he?

What was his name again?
Mintz?

Mintz, Mintz, Mintz...

I don't remember anybody
with that name.

Well, they come and go
at the garage, you know.

Perhaps if you saw him
you could identify him.

That's all we'll need

considering his past record
to put him right where he belongs.

You mean that'll be enough to prove
that he m*rder*d Chaundry?

That and the dressing case.

Just give me a second to wash my face
and I'll come along with you.

Well, what do you say, Mr. Lyons?

Yes, that's him all right.
He did some day work for me last summer.

Any of the boys at the garage
will bear me out.

All right, all right!
I worked for him.

But I never so much as pinched a spanner.

That's all. Take him away.

Come along, Mintz.
No, let me go!

It wasn't me. I tell you I never even
had a pint of bitter.

Come along.

Comes a bit hard, eh, Mr. Lyons?

Well, it does, you know.
Sending a man to prison.

Oh, it's old stuff to Mintz.
He spent half his life behind bars.

Well now, we've established his presence.

If this is your wife's dressing case,
we'll have the whole thing buttoned up.

No, that's not it.

It isn't? But are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

No, she had her initials "P. C."
cut in the side.

Now look here,
Mrs. Chaundry, as she was then,

gave the sergeant a detailed description
and there was no mention about any initials.

She must have forgotten, she usually
does forget the most important thing.

No, her case had the initials "P. C."
Phyllis Chaundry. Right there.

Like this?

Yes, yes. That's the one.
What's all this about?

Sorry, sir, but your memory could have
played you tricks, you know,

and we're dealing with m*rder here.

Yes, of course.

Had to be quite sure you knew about those
initials which your wife forgot to remember.

You see, Mr. Lyons,
she didn't know they were there.

That's absurd.
I mean, it's her case, isn't it?

It is.

Then what's all the fuss about?

Because you couldn't have known
those initials were there

unless you'd seen the case
in Chaundry's car.

That's absurd. I've been at the house
many times, I've often seen the case.

Possibly, but not with the initials "P. C."

You see, the shop only put them on there
to cover up a tear in the leather,

the same day Chaundry picked up the case
to take home to his wife.

So, you see, it wasn't possible for you
to have seen those initials

at any other time
or any other place.

And now for the information
of you youngsters

who were slashing the upholstery
and tearing out the seats

during the denouement.

I would like to tidy up
one of the story's loose ends,

Phyllis Chaundry.

She was arrested as an accessory

and she and her husband Jack

both went to prison.

An inspiring example of togetherness.

And now as a means of clearing
the theatre without calling the police

here is another commercial
from the land of television

after which I shall roll back.

I'm sure you will be interested in knowing

that the soundtrack
of the three commercial scenes tonight

are available in the album

Music To Cook Three Minute Eggs By.

The album is available in all speeds

including reverse.

As well as in fi,

both high and low.

Next week we shall have
a completely new attraction

as well as new seats
and fresh popcorn.

Good night.