08x15 - Party Dress

[bunniefuu]

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Ally!

Did you have fun
at Molly's?

Yeah, she invited me
to her birthday party.

Dave's gonna be there.

Oh ho!

Who's Dave?

Dave Yeager.

She's only had a crush on him
since like forever!

Oh, Dave! Okay.

I know him as Dav... id.

Ooh! Get a load
of this stationery.

Oh, nice...

Ooh! Let me see!

Quiet, Frank.

Wow! Peggy's having Molly's party
at their country club.

"Formal attire"?

A black-tie party
for kids?

That's nuts.

That's Peggy.

Peggy.

Hey, Ray, isn't she the cookie lady
that b*at you up?

Yeah, the cookie lady--
she b*at the chips out of you!

I can't wait till one of you two
needs a kidney.

She's even picked out a gown
she wants the girls to wear

and tells us
where to buy it.

Some women
are so pushy!

"Mention Peggy's name
to get a 10% discount."

And to open
the gates of hell.

I can't believe this is
for a kid's birthday party.

What happened
to cake in the backyard

and playing hide-and-seek?

There's cake
in the backyard?

I was great
at hide-and-seek.

Nobody ever found me.

Nobody looked.

You know, Amy is right
about these parties.

I mean, to hire people
to play records,

magicians,
entertainment?

When I was a child--

You sat around the fire
and wondered how it got there.

Formal attire party for kids--

Peggy's a whack-job.

Yeah, I agree it's silly,

but I understand her wanting to do
something special for Molly's party.

13 is a milestone age
for a girl.

Yeah, 13's a very big age.

You're halfway
between girl and woman.

Your body's going through
all sorts of changes--

- Okay, all right.
- I'm eating!

Okay!

You know, interestingly,
in many cultures,

the 13th birthday is
often celebrated formally

with lavish affairs.

The Jewish people,
for instance,

have their
bar or bat mitzvah.

So, Raymond,
you could look at this

as Molly's
"bat mitzvah."

Mm-hmm.

Could we look at this
as your "shut-upsvah"?

Oh! I know
this dress shop.

You're not gonna
walk out of there

for less than $100.

A hundred dollars.

Stupid Peggy.

You know, Debra, you could
save yourself a lot of money

if you made Ally a dress--

oh... that's right.

Well, I could
make her the dress

and tell her
that you helped.

You're not gonna
make a dress, Ma.

I still remember when
you forced me and Robert

to wear
your homemade jeans.

They were very nice.

They looked just like the kind
the other boys were wearing.

They were velvet.

That denim is
very abrasive.

Yeah, so were
the other boys.

I appreciate
your offer, Marie,

but we can afford
to buy Ally a dress.

No, but I don't want
to afford it.

$100 for a party dress--
I mean, it's crazy.

Mom, we've got to
get to the mall.

I just talked to Julie.
She's buying her dress today.

She wants us to meet her there.
So let's go.

Honey, I have a PTA meeting,
so your father can take you.

What, me? Whoa!
Wait a minute. I don't even--

You wanna go to the PTA?

Come on, Dad.
Please please please please?

I wanna get there before
all the good colors are gone.

I'll be in the car.

Your daughter is waiting.

Guy never had a chance.

While you're there, why don't you
pick up a dress for yourself?

Dad, I don't think
you can bring food in here.

Hey, I paid four bucks
for this cookie.

I'm not givin' it up.

I'm sorry.

Hmm?

You can have it back
when you leave.

Okay.

I know how much I ate.

Now, may I help you?

Uh yeah, um,

I need to get a dress
for my daughter here.

It's for the Peggy Ardolino party.

I was supposed to
mention her name.

Just follow me.

Now, here we are.

These are the dresses
for the Ardolino party.

Wow, Daddy,
look at them!

- Yeah.
- They're beautiful!

Yeah yeah, you can wear them
to a formal party

or just knockin'
around the house.

Which color you want?

The blue.

Hmm. Beautiful.

How much is it?

These dresses are $250.

$250?!

I'll be in there.

No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

$250?!

That's with the 10% discount
for mentioning Peggy's name.

All right--
Peggy Peggy Peggy Peggy--

how much is it now?

Hey, Barone, you got roped
into this too, huh?

Jerry, you know how much
this dress is? It's $250!

I know. I was gonna
get a lawnmower.

Are you gonna pay for it?

You know what I think?
I think the parents

should protest and refuse
to buy this fancy crap.

It would just teach Peggy
that she's not the boss of us.

Or get us all k*lled.

I heard she once b*at up a guy
over some cookies.

Really? No, I heard that
he b*at her up, actually.

Yeah... bad.

Sir,

would you like your daughter
to try on the dress?

Let me ask you
something:

Don't you think that
this is an awful lot of money

to spend on
a one-time thing?

That's not for me to say, sir,
but how can you put a price

on the smile of this
beautiful young woman?

You work on commission,
don't you?

Ally!

Hey, Molly!

Molly?

Hello, Ally's Dad.

Hello, Peggy.

Is there a problem?

Ally, would you give us
a minute, okay?

Why don't
you and Molly go down

and take turns
on the massage chair?

Go ahead.

Peggy...
Peggy, listen.

Jerry.
Jerry, come here.

Some of us--
some of us are wondering--

what are you thinking?

I mean, a formal party
for 13-year-olds?

I understand
about milestones

and bodies going through
weird hormonals...

but you're not
even Jewish.

I just thought it might
be fun for one night

if all the kids
looked nice.

I'm just sick
of the belly shirts

and the thongs sticking out
of jeans cut down to here.

Listen, I don't like
stuff like that on girls

under 21 either, okay?

Ally doesn't dress like that.

And-and Jerry and I think

that it's outrageous to expect
people to pay that much.

Oh, look at the jewelry!

Why are you making
such a big deal out of this?

You're a sportswriter.
You make a lot of money.

No...

I write about people
that make a lot of money,

and that's not the point.

What I make is none
of your business.

I still think
this whole thing is nuts!

All right, fine.
Don't buy the dress.

And you can explain
to Ally why she will be

the only girl there
without one.

She will stick out
like a giant nose

on a stupid face.

Hey, can I try on
the dress now, Daddy?

Come on, Ally.
We're out of here.

Why?
Dad, what about the dress?

- We're not gonna buy it. Go.
- But... Dad!

- Come on! Now!
- Why?

- Because I said so.
- But why?

Because I am the grownup,
and that's how it is!

Now, where is my cookie!
We're out of here!

Come on, Ally!

Okay, all right!
Be like that!

Ray, what's going on?

Guess how much
the dress cost-- go ahead.

I don't know, what?
Like $100?

Guess again.

Just tell me, Ray.

$120.

Ray, knock it off.

$147.99.

Wrong.

$250!

Yes! I was closest.

Wow!
Two hundred and--

- why so much?
- I don't know.

Maybe it's made
of unicorn fur.

So, wait...
you didn't buy it?

No, of course not. What are you
talking about? You would've?

You know what?
I think I would have.

- What?
- Wait, I mean, I agree with you

that it costs
too much money.

250 bucks?

You could put a great TV
in the bathroom for that.

You are not getting a TV
in the bathroom!

Then I'm bringing the toilet
into the living room!

Please please,
just stop.

Ray, listen, Ally still
needs that dress.

She's going to be
the only girl not wearing one.

She'll stand out.

Oh okay, so now you're
just like Peggy now.

Oh, so this is all
because you hate Peggy.

No no, this has
nothing to do with her.

It's morally
and ethnically wrong.

You're out of
your element, Ray.

Look, Ally's still
gonna look nice.

We'll buy her a nice,
normal-priced dress.

I don't know
what the big deal is.

Because you have never been
a 13-year-old girl!

I think you're really running out
of stuff to criticize me for.

You know, Debra, I know
that you were raised in a house

where money
was no object.

But do you really want
to pass on these values

to your children?

She's right.
Look, I feel sorry for Ally too,

but isn't it more important
that we don't raise spoiled kids?

You're just saying that
to impress your mother.

And he has.

- Hi!
- Hey.

Thank God you're here.
I need you to settle an argument.

I really just wanted
to return your roasting pan.

That's okay.
This'll just take a second.

Should've just
mailed the pan.

Ray doesn't want to
buy Ally the party dress

because he thinks
it costs too much.

And I agree with Raymond.

Ma agrees with Raymond--
that's 40 years in a row!

I'd say that the dress
is too expensive,

but isn't it more important
that Ally is not the only girl

at the party not
wearing the dress?

Oh, yeah.
That would be humiliating.

I agree with my wife.
Let's go. Goodbye.

Hold it!

It costs $250!

For a dress that will
only be worn once?

Yeah hmm-hmm hah.

That's awfully expensive.

Yeah well, tell it
to Debra Von Moneybags.

You know, I never like
to agree with a moron,

but I've got to go
with Raymond on this one.

Hey, Deb, I'll back you

if you back
my TV-in-the-toilet idea.

It's okay, Frank.

This is a--

am I the only one
that feels this way?

All right.

Ally!

Your father and l
need to talk to you.

Now, remember, you two
have to stand firm and united.

Even when she says
she hates you.

No, look,
Ally doesn't say that to us.

Let me tell you something:
You want that hate.

If your kids like you,
you've failed as parents.

Allow me to congratulate you
on your magnificent success.

Ally, honey, listen.

We've been having a long talk
about this whole dress thing,

and I think your father
was right not to buy it.

We just can't spend
that much money

and still feel like
we're being good parents.

Can I go back
to my room now?

Yeah.
But first I want you

to make up with
your father, okay?

Come on, honey.

I'm sorry we fought,
sweetie.

See?

She didn't say
she hates me.

Don't worry,
she was thinking it.

Ally?

Hey...

It's 6:30. Shouldn't you be
getting ready for the party?

I'm not going.

I know you've been
saying all week

that you're not going,

but Molly is
your best friend,

and you told her
that you would be there.

Well, I'm not going.

Because of the dress?

Okay. All right.

Stupid question.

Come on, look,

aren't all your friends
going to be there, huh?

And that guy you've had
a crush on for like forever...

Charlie!

Dave.

Dave, right.

Dave!

Come on, don't you wanna
be with your friends

and dance with Dave?

On fast songs only?

Stop it, Dad!

Listen...

I know you were right about
the dress being too expensive.

Really?

Wow! Well, good.

See? I'm glad
you feel that way.

Well... yeah.

I mean, I think the whole
fancy-party idea

is kind of dumb.

So does Molly,
but her mom's just so...

Horrible, yeah.

I was gonna say excited.

Oh.

Yeah. I meant
horribly excited.

I'm sorry I was mad
at you, Daddy.

Were you mad at me?
Oh.

I didn't even notice.

I just want this party
to be over and done with.

Do you wanna go
watch a movie?

Not with you.

You're going to that party.

But I told you
I'm not going.

Well, then what am l
gonna do with this?

Oh my God!

I promise I'll do
lots of chores to pay for it.

I'll... wash your car
and babysit.

That's all right.
You don't have to do any of that.

Just go.
Go and have a good time.

Why'd you buy it?

I bought it--
I bought it because...

I bought it because
you're a good kid

and you don't ask
for much,

and I just want
you to know

that you can
count on me to do stuff

when it's important for you.

Thanks.

You know,

I was gonna get you
the dress anyway,

but you made it
a lot easier

when you said that $250
is a lot of money.

Hey, Mom,
look what Daddy bought me!

Oh, yeah, actually...

see...

it's actually--
it's from both of us.

Thanks, Mom!

Yeah, honey,
you're welcome.

I'm gonna go try it on.
You guys are the best!

What?

Look at you...

after all your tough talk,
you turn into a puddle of goo.

- No.
- Yeah.

You're so worried
she's gonna hate you,

you just fold
like a cheap tent.

No! No! I'm--

I'm tough but fair.
Yeah.

Mainly tough.

Can I ask you something?
What made you change your mind?

You had me thinking
that you were right for once.

And I was hating myself

'cause I was getting all sucked
into this superficial crap

about fitting in
and looks and fashion.

And I'm thinking, "Gee, you know,
maybe Ray really has--"

oh! Look at--

you look beautiful!
That is just gorgeous.

You're so grown up!

- Want me to do your hair?
- Yes, I would love that.

Can I use your makeup?

Little blush?
Just a little blush.

And I have a bag that
is so perfect for this.

Humph...

Peggy.

Okay, honey.

Have a good time
at the party.

Listen, and remember: A dance
may start fast but then goes slow,

so you just say,
"No, thank you," then walk away.

Sure, Dad.
Whatever you say.

Oh my God.

Nobody else is
wearing a dress.

Nice dress, Cinderella.

Well, if it isn't
Ally's dad.

Congratulations, you've ruined
my daughter's birthday party.

What are you talking about?

Please, don't play
dumb with me.

All your rabble-rousing
in the dress shop?

- You were rabble-rousing?
- No!

He told Megan's father
all the parents should protest

and refuse to buy
the formal clothes.

Y'all called each other,
and look what happened.

Nobody called me.

We have to go home.

No, honey.

It doesn't matter
what anybody else says.

Go in there and have
a wonderful time.

I can't believe
you did this to me, Dad!

Wh-what did I do?
I did something nice.

I bought a dress for $250.
You're goin' into that party!

- No, I'm not!
- Yes, you are! $250!

- I don't care!
- You're going into the party.

- You can't make me!
- I'm your father.

- You have to do what I say!
- I hate you!

Congratulations.

You're a successful parent.