04x02 - Don't Interrupt

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Alfred Hitchcock Presents". Aired: October 2, 1955 – June 26, 1965.*
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American anthology series featuring dramas, thrillers and mysteries.
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04x02 - Don't Interrupt

Post by bunniefuu »

Good evening,
fellow tourists.

I think this proves that in some areas
the airplane can never replace the train.

The gentleman who tied me
here was most thoughtful.

In order to keep the railroad
tires from chaffing my hips

he put me on an anthill.

And in the event I wanted
to do some reading,

he left me
a railroad timetable.

I have found it
most useful.

You see, my assailant
was a railroad executive,

who took exception
to some of my remarks

about the
promptness of trains.

I have the last laugh however,

for I see by a footnote that the
train he expected would trisect me

runs only on the Friday
preceding Decoration Day

and the Tuesday following
Labor Day except on leap year.

There isn't another train
scheduled to pass for minutes.

That should give us just enough time
to watch a half hour television show.

Keeping to the theme
of tonight's program,

I must warn you that before you
get a look at the pleasant scenery,

we must first pass through
one of those dismal tunnels.

Help!

Let me go! Mommy!

Johnny, you've got to
stop sh**ting Indians.

I told the boy
a thousand times.

Excuse me, sir.
Johnny, please, son,

listen to your father
just once on this trip.

I'm very sorry.
Pardon me.

Johnny! Johnny, you mustn't go around
sh**ting people in the corridors.

Son, it isn't nice.

Bang!
Oh! Son!

Son, you're making
your mother very nervous.

Now, you just stop your horsing
around until we get to the club car

or you're going right to bed.
Now go ahead, son.

Johnny, now you stay
on the train, son.

Oh, come on, dear.
Come on.

Come on.
It's the next train.

I'm sure it's that next car,
right over there. Yes.

I'm sure it's
the next one, dear.

Two Old Fashioneds.
Stick 'em up!

It's turning to snow.

That's right.

Set them up for
everybody.

There's a big spender.

Faster, partner!

We interrupt our program
with a late bulletin

from our news bureau:

The patient who escaped two days
ago from the state mental hospital

has been reported
in the area of San Lucerno:

San Lucerno?

Due to the extreme
weather conditions, however,

the police expect to apprehend
the patient shortly: We now:::

Well, what'll
you have, Johnny?

Didn't we stop at
San Lucerno tonight?

That's a fact. Good
evening. Good evening.

Well, what'll it be,
Mother? Hmm?

Scotch on the rocks.
Mmm-hmm.

Scotch on the rocks for Mrs.
Templeton and bourbon for me

with a little water
on the side.

How about a nice warm
glass of milk, Johnny?

How about a peanut?

Now, son, please don't sh**t peanuts
in the club car, I told you that.

Nice warm glass of
milk for the boy.

Yes, sir.
Right away, sir.

I'll get you a nice glass
of milk right away, cowboy.

You want some
chocolate in it?

Just plain.

Yes, ma'am. You
want a peanut, too?

Now, now, no
chocolate tonight, son.

They let me have chocolate
in my milk at school.

You're no longer in
that particular school

in case you've
forgotten what happened.

Darling, please don't
start on that again.

Well, I was only going...

Son, son, now come on.

I am quite familiar with
the details, thank you.

All right, Mother, but it's
not the end of the world.

I mean, he's not the first boy
ever to be expelled from school.

Don't start defending him, Larry,
please don't start defending him.

When I think of the money we laid
out to get him into the best school,

I can just die.

Darling, we did get part of
the tuition back, didn't we?

Just lie down and die.

And believe me, there are
much pleasanter ways to go.

We could have
taken poison.

I'd better
get my g*ns...

Don't interrupt!

Now, take it easy,
darling, he's just a boy.

And he's at an age where
boys like to talk a little.

Will he ever get
over the age?

Is it too much to ask?

Son, come on.
Here we go.

Atta boy. Darling, I
might point this out

that you were the one who wouldn't
hear of sending him to a public school.

Oh, it's my fault,
of course.

I suggested we give him
the most expensive

private school
in the country.

It was my fault he's kicked
out and we have to travel

clear across the country
for three days.

Oh, son.
Oh, please no.

Look, son. Here, look. Do you
think after you've finished this

you could go
right back to bed?

Do you?
Do you?

It was on the radio that there's
a guy who was gonna... You know...

Don't interrupt!

Darling, he didn't interrupt.
I was asking the boy a question.

He's been butting into every conversation
we've had for the past two days.

And when you're not
butting in the two of you

are yapping about cowboys and
Indians. Don't you ever get tired...

Darling, it is only natural
for a boy to get excited

going through
this wild west.

At the risk of
repeating myself, I...

Johnny! Come back with your
mother's... Johnny! Come back here, son.

Come. Look here, son, son, I told
you not to take your mother's furs.

Now that's not being
a straight sh**t now.

Come on, son.

Have your glass of cow juice
and then back to the bunkhouse

and rest your weary bones with
the rest of the cowboys, huh?

Atta good boy.
There's your hat.

Here's the furs, dear.

Got them all right.
Thank you.

There you are.
Sit down.

Boy! What a night.
What a night, dear.

Are you warm enough?
Yes.

Now we could always get him
to turn the heat up, you know.

No, I'm warm enough.
Are you sure, now?

In fact, I'm too warm.
I'm hot.

Can you get them
to turn down the heat?

Oh, sure. I'll...
Waiter! Could you...

Johnny! Johnny! Don't put
the milk in the ashtray.

Fellow travelers, hi there.

I'm taking the liberty
of addressing you,

sir and madam,
and you, young fella.

About this time in the
evening, I like a drink,

and I like it very much but
there's one thing I don't like,

I don't like
drinking alone.

So I humbly beg your pardon and
ask the favor of your allowing me

to join your little
family circle,

to save me from the
horrible fate of drinking

in solitary confinement.

My name is Kilmer.

I just got on down here
at San Lucerno.

How do you do, Mr. Kilmer?
It's a pleasure, I'm sure.

My name is Templeton
and this is Mrs. Templeton.

Ma'am.

Happy to make
your acquaintance.

I know something about
you, Mrs. Templeton.

Really?
What's that?

You're the best looking woman on
this train by a mile and a half.

Won't you join us,
Mr. Kilmer?

Why, thank you.
You're very kind.

Son, get over to that chair.
Mr. Kilmer, let me help you.

You know,

it's an old man's privilege to compliment
a lady in the presence of her husband.

How you doing there, cowboy?

Fine, thank you, sir.

That's great stuff
you're drinking there.

Put flesh on your bones.

You take it from
an old cowpoke.

I'd drink that cow juice for
weeks and weeks at a time.

Nothing else but.
So go on, bottoms up!

Salute.

This is the worst weather you've ever
heard about in your life, Mrs. Templeton.

Isn't it
perfectly awful?

It's not fit
for man nor beast.

Sir...
Hmm?

You were a cow puncher?

Yeah.

John.

It is perfectly
dreadful weather.

Somebody at this table
in the dog house?

Don't worry, young fella, we
all gotta grow up the hard way.

When I said, "Ain't this the
worst weather you've ever seen,"

I've seen worse.

, we had eight foot of
snow on the Alta Verde Mesa.

Three hundred head of longhorn
steers froze stiffer than wood,

and they didn't
thaw out till spring.

Yes, ma'am, it's a fact.

Oh, the stories
I could tell you.

Waiter,

I'll have what
the lady's got.

If I'm any judge of whiskey
and the color and body of it

it's scotch and
it's over the rocks.

That's what I want.

Just gives me the cold
shivers to look outside.

Sir, do you mean
longhorn cattle?

Uh-huh. The kind with
the great big long horns?

That's the one!
Larry, please!

You mustn't interrupt while the
gentleman is speaking, son, now.

Please, remember that.

That's all right, sir.
I don't mind.

Yeah, son, some of them
were foot across.

But that was a long time
ago, back in my time.

This train slowing
down some?

Oh, we do seem to be slackening
our pace considerably.

Must be going
round a bend.

You gotta be careful in
this weather. Oh, yes.

We gotta be real careful. We're
carrying precious cargo on this trip

and we don't want no trouble.

To your very good
health, Mrs. Templeton.

Mr. Kilmer.

To yours, sir.

God! You're a lucky man.

Yes, I know it, sir.

That's what
I like to hear.

You don't see many happy families
around anymore. None at all.

Well, good luck to
you, too, cowboy.

I've got a belt at home!

My father gave it
to me for Christmas.

It's got a silver buckle
with a longhorn steer on it!

John! I don't want
to have to tell you again!

Now be a good boy and
don't interrupt your elders.

I don't mind, ma'am.

Hey, we're not going round a
bend but we sure are slowing down.

Let's find out something,
cowboy. Waiter!

Yes, sir?

We got a flat tire
or something?

I don't know, sir.

I know we ain't due to stop
for another six hours yet.

Oh, so what?

We're smack dab in the middle of
New Mexico in a raging blizzard,

the kind I ain't seen in
years and I'm kicking!

I'm snug and I'm warm,

and in the company of
delightful female companionship,

and I'm complaining.

Guess we still ain't learned to count
our blessings, do we, Mr. Templeton?

No, sir, I guess not.

You know something?

For years of my
life I was a cowboy,

oh, I'd spend six or eight months
out of the year out on the range,

in all kinds of weather.

And I swore then the only
thing I wanted out of life

was a nice warm house to
go to when it got cold.

That's all I wanted.

Just a nice, warm place. That was
the sum teetotal of my ambition.

Have you ever been caught out
in the cold, Mr. Templeton?

Well, no, no,
not really.

Well, I want to tell
you folks something.

Cold is the worst
thing that there is.

And I sure pity anybody out
there on a night like this.

You know what's a funny thing, riding
on this train tonight in this storm?

It takes me back to...

Hey, we've stopped.

Daddy!

Oh, Mr. Conductor.
Yes, sir.

We've been here about an hour.
When are we going to get started?

Nothing to worry about,
sir, our generator went out.

It'll be about
or minutes.

Conductor, you're sure
you're not lying to us?

I'm a Sunday school
teacher, ma'am.

Put a head on that.

Yes, sir.

We interrupt our program to
bring you a special bulletin:

The police have redoubled efforts
to locate the mental patient,

now believed to
be lost in the storm:

Hospital authorities wish to emphasize
the fact the man is not dangerous:

He needs help: Please
communicate with the state police:

You know,
this is funny.

Sir?

I don't mean funny,
I mean it's strange.

Maybe I don't even
mean strange,

but I seem to be reliving something
that happened years ago.

Would you folks
like to hear a story?

About cowboys?

Yeah.
Larry.

Now, look, son. I was saving
this as a surprise, but, well,

there it is.
A real silver dollar.

Now, it's just like the cowboys
use, isn't that right, Mr. Kilmer?

You bet you, when they can get their
hands on them, they really used them.

Excuse me.
Mmm-hmm.

Now, there you are, son.

That's yours if you can
manage to do just one thing.

Now, if you can manage
not to interrupt

while Mr. Kilmer's
telling his story.

You think you
can manage it, sir?

I mean not one single,
solitary interruption.

That's a real
silver dollar?

Yes, sir, that's a
real silver dollar.

I don't mind
the boy talking.

That isn't the
point, Mr. Kilmer.

This is a rather
involved family affair.

It concerns a young man who
talks more than is good for him,

who needs discipline,

and who should not be given a reward
for doing the things he should do.

Now, look, Mother, let the boy win
a reward. It might do him some good.

What do you say, John, you think
you can manage to keep quiet?

Are you going to
keep quiet, John?

Yes, Mother.

No, touch now, John-John.


Now, look, we'll let you sit here
and listen to Mr. Kilmer's story,

and then we'll decide whether
you've earned it or not.

Won't take more than
minutes at the most.

There. Now, here, look at your Round-up
Randy, official timekeeper there.

Now, it says just
minutes of nine.

That's straight sh**t
time. Now, if you can be quiet

until Round-up Randy points to
: , you can have the dollar.

It's just minutes. Okay?

Okay.
All right.

Your mother knows best, boy.

Always remember that.
Your mother knows best.

Now, about this story.

It was in .

Show you how broke I was, I
took a job as a sheepherder.

I had sheep, two dogs and
a horse for six whole months.

Now, son, you want to show that
to the boys back home, don't you?

He'd like to had you
that time, didn't he, son?

Well, aside from the fact that a
cockroach is the lowest form of life,

I guess my job as a sheepherder,
I was underneath him.

But I was young and strong in
those days and I didn't mind.

I tended those sheep for three
months and everything was going fine.

No coyotes, no trouble
with the dogs and...

Well, it was too good to be
true and then all of a sudden

up she come.

Trouble?

Trouble is right, sir.
A storm.

The worst storm ever.

She come up fast in
the middle of the night

and by the time
I had woke up,

maybe there was five or six
inches of snow on the ground.

I started looking for my sheep and I
couldn't see my hands in front of my eyes.

Dogs barking
all over the place.

I went to where
I had tied my horse

and I had to feel my
way along the ground.

Found the place,
no horse.

The reins were still tied
there but the horse was gone.

Then I tried to make myself
heard by shouting at the dogs.

The wind kept getting
louder and louder.

All of a sudden,
I was alone,

and I knew it,
I was lost.

Mr. Kilmer!

Johnny!

Don't break
your promise, son.

Please, go on, Mr. Kilmer.

I'll make it a short story. It
ain't got much point to it, anyway.

Well, I don't know how long I stumbled
around out there, like I was drunk.

I had to keep moving.

If I'd have stood still, I would
have froze to death for sure.

I don't know how long I kept
it up, guess most of the night.

My feet got so cold,
I couldn't feel them anymore.

I just kept pushing them up under
me. Pushing them up under me.

Didn't have any idea where I was going.
I didn't know whether I was dead or alive.

And then all of a sudden,
I knew I was dead.

Sir?

What? All of a sudden, I looked
up and what did I see? A light.

A great big light. You know, like
a band of angels coming after me.

I was sure I was dead
and in heaven.

But there's only one thing
I couldn't figure out.

How did it get
so cold up there?

But that light kept
coming at me.

Like maybe a
billion candle power.

Then I heard a sound and
I knew what that light was.

What was it?

A train.

It was a train. A genuine
locomotive coming right at me.

You see, I was standing right in
the middle of the railroad tracks.

Well, I got out of the
way fast, and I hollered.

You know, like a cowboy?

Them days, trains ain't
like they are now.

Man stood outside and
hollered, you could hear him.

Nowadays, old Gabriel himself
could stand outside that window

and blow his head off and we
wouldn't hear him. You know why?

This is two-ply glass. Makes
the finest kind of insulation.

What happened?

What? Oh.

Well, they heard me. Fireman heard
me. Stopped the whole doggone train.

Mr. Kilmer.

Yeah. What is it, boy?

Larry, take him to bed. As far as I'm
concerned, he's forfeited the dollar.

Take it away from him
and put him to bed.

Then perhaps we can have a little
peace and quiet around here.

Now look, son, you keep
your eyes on that watch.

Now, I give you one
more chance, old boy.

Now, you try not
to say another word

and we'll try to make another
deal for the dollar. Okay?

I'm very sorry, Mr. Kilmer.
Go ahead, I'm sorry.

Well, it was
a cattle train.

It wasn't going very fast and
headlight had picked me up anyway.

They hauled me on board and
that's the end of the story.

Now, look, I told you it
wasn't a very good story.

It's just that, you know, riding
this train tonight and this storm,

it kind of took me, it
reminded me of something.

I enjoyed that
story very much, sir.

I enjoyed it
very much indeed.

Yeah, so, you know, stopping this
train tonight, out in that storm, it...

Oh, I just felt like I've been
here before sometime, Mr. Templeton.

Oh, what's
the name of that song?

Where or When: It's
built on the same theme.

It's as if you're living something
that happened a long time ago.

I know that feeling.

That's exactly right,
Mrs. Templeton.

The name is Mary.

Mary. Yes, ma'am,
that's it exactly.

You know, I felt like I was
out in that blizzard tonight,

being trapped out in that
blizzard, nearly freezing to death.

Reliving something
over again.

Feeling like I'll never see a
living soul on this earth again.

Hey, the power is on.

Kind of strange
to work that, huh?

Waiter, you put a head
on this, please?

Yes, sir.

Imagine being caught out in a blizzard.
And what comes along to save you? A train!

A genuine, big-as-life train.
One chance in a million.

Guess not everybody was
as lucky as I was that night.

I been a God-fearing
man ever since.

Hey, Mr. Conductor.

All set now. I told you
folks it wouldn't take long.

Got to make a little
speed now, huh?

Guess so.
Guess we do.

Good.

Come on, son, finish
up that glass of milk.

Come on now, it's really back
to the bunkhouse this time.

But there's a man outside
there. There's a what?

He was back there.
A man.

Come on, son, now none of this.
There is. Mom, there's a man.

Don't, don't interrupt.

You're just gonna
upset Mother.

Now come on, son,
let's go.

Well, Mr. Kilmer, do you think
John has earned his dollar?

I know he's made one or two breaks,
but on the whole what do you think?

I think this old cowboy
has earned that pokey.

And I vote to give it to him.

What about you, Mother?

Oh, give him the dollar and put
him to bed, for heaven's sake!

All right.

There you are, son. Now say
good night to Mr. Kilmer.

Good night, Mr. Kilmer.

Good night, cowboy, sleep tight. And
wake up in the morning real bright.

And just one more piece of advice
from your old cowboy friend.

You take that cartwheel
and put it in a safe place,

where there ain't no low-down, western
horse thief can get his hands on it, huh?

Okay, put it away.

That's the ticket.

Say good night
to Timothy, son.

Good night, Timothy.

Good night, cowboy!
Sleep tight.

Mother.

Now, ain't you
ashamed of yourself.

Now, why should I be? He'll
give the kid another one.

What's a dollar mean
to a kid like that anyway?

What does it mean?

I suppose you expect me to be
discouraged, but I'm not.

I have faith that the railroad will not
allow a man to lie here indefinitely.

As a matter of fact, some
passing workers have assured me

that the train will be
by in a few seconds.

There it is now.

If you want to turn away,
you may.

Look, a complete loss.

Fortunately no one was hurt.

No one on the train, that is.

I seem to have sustained a
very bad bruise on one finger.

If you've enjoyed our
story or any of this trivia,

perhaps you'll be interested
in tuning in next week,

when we shall have
more of the same.

Until then, good night.
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