04x12 - Mrs. Herman and Mrs. Fenimore

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Alfred Hitchcock Presents". Aired: October 2, 1955 – June 26, 1965.*
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American anthology series featuring dramas, thrillers and mysteries.
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04x12 - Mrs. Herman and Mrs. Fenimore

Post by bunniefuu »

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

First of all,
I want to make it clear

that we always appreciate
constructive criticism.

Any expression of your
feeling is always welcome.

We have a very warm feeling
toward our viewers.

We know they are intelligent,
discerning and warm-hearted.

Present company excepted,
of course.

Yes?

I have
an announcement to make.

Touché.

Is Dr. Finchley in the
audience? He is wanted at home.

And, if it's not
too inconvenient,

perhaps he could stop
here on his way out.

As for our
Kn*fe-throwing friend,

here is something
better to throw at.

Do we have to have that
caterwauling every single day?

What?

Turn it off and
you can hear me!

What'd you say,
Uncle Bill?

I see you got that crazy
ad in the paper again.

You don't give me any choice. I
can't run this house with one boarder.

You could if you'd
leave the hooch alone.

You mean, if you'd loosen
up a little, I'd have enough.

You'll get it soon enough,
don't worry.

There ain't nobody else
I can leave it to.

That's not why I took you in, and you
know it. You're the only family I have.

And I'm the only boarder
you'll ever have, too.

You turn them away
as fast as they come.

I'm particular, that's all. I
won't take just anyone in here.

It has to be a woman
of quality and breeding.

Smell her breath. That's
the way you'll tell.

I have other ways
of judging.

Yes?

My name is Mrs. Fenimore. I believe
you advertised a room to rent.

Yes. Won't you come in?

Thank you.

I'm Mrs. Herman.

How do you do?

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

It's a very
pleasant room.

Sunny and quiet.

That is important. I've passed the
stage where noise is a stimulant.

It should work out
very well, then.

I have only one
other boarder, my uncle.

But he's a very old man and he spends
most of his time in his own room.

May I inquire
as to the rent?

$ a week.

I see.

But for the right person,
I might come down a little.

Oh, then you have certain
ideas as to whom you want here?

Very definite ideas,
Mrs. Fenimore.

I am an actress.

I see nothing
wrong with that.

The company I was appearing
with, folded here in the city.

I've decided to take a rest
before making up my mind

whether to continue
with my career.

I'm being very frank
with you, Mrs. Herman.

I want you to be.

I am a widow with a small monthly pension,
so there'll be no question about the rent.

Oh, I'm sure that
could be worked out.

Would it be convenient
to see the room now?

Oh, yes, yes. Of
course. Right this way.

This is my uncle's room. It's
the only other one on this floor.

Where'd you hide my paper?

You old crow.

Now what's the trouble?

My newspaper. I left it
right there in that chair.

Well, look around.

Here.

It'd be too bad if you
had to buy another one.

That's right, spend my money
for me. You haven't got it yet.

I may get it
sooner than you think.

What's that?

If you're gonna get
all worked up over nothing,

you'll have a stroke
one of these days.

So, that's what you're trying
to do. That's your scheme, huh?

Well, it won't work.

Oh, be quiet.

You know I'm showing
the room to someone.

What do you
waste your time for?

You got no intentions
of renting that room to...

When I find
the right person.

I like the room,
Mrs. Herman.

Well, I'm glad.

This is Mr. Finley,
Mrs. Fenimore.

Your uncle?

Yes. But he's a solitary old
man. You'll seldom see him.

Oh, then you'll
consider taking me?

May I offer you
a little refreshment?

Thank you.

Unless you have scruples?

Scruples, my dear?

Butterscotch pudding.

I hope that meets with
the approval of everyone.

Oh, it looks wonderful.

Oh, Mr. Finley,
will you take this one?

I'm sure you understand,
Mrs. Herman,

I'm used to deferring
to the man of the house.

Quite proper.

I can see that between us, we're
going to spoil you, Uncle Bill.

It's delicious.

It won't poison you.

Oh, don't mind me.

I love to see a man
enjoy his meal.

I'll drink it on the porch.

Well, you've quite
charmed Uncle Bill.

Well, I try to be friendly.
I hope you don't mind.

On the contrary, it's a relief
to see him acting halfway human.

Usually, he's so crotchety
and suspicious.

Suspicious? Why?

You wouldn't think it to look at
him, but he's quite a wealthy man.

Really?

Yes. He owns a great deal
of real estate in this town,

plus whatever bonds and
things he keeps in his room.

No doubt he suspects everyone
of having designs on his money.

It's a regular mania. He keeps the
door of his room locked every second.

Well, I suppose
he's afraid of burglars.

No burglar could ever
get into that room!

I haven't set foot in it
since he moved in.

Heaven knows what kind
of a mess it's in.

Old men do get
set in their ways.

I'm not getting
any younger myself.

I can't do the work
that I used to.

And Uncle Bill is so tight
with his money, it's hard.

Is there no one
else to take him in?

No. I'm his only relative.

Well, at least you have
something to look forward to.

No doubt you'll be quite
well fixed after he's gone.

I expect so.

Oh, I do hope that didn't
sound too heartless.

But I feel that one should be
practical about these things, don't you?

Yes. I certainly do,
Mrs. Fenimore.

Doesn't your
uncle indulge?

He'd be afraid
it was poisoned.

You can see that it isn't
easy, taking care of Uncle Bill.

Well, don't worry. Some day
it will all seem worthwhile.

How old is your uncle?

Seventy-two.

But age means
nothing in his family.

They live forever.

His father was
when he d*ed.

No one can say that
he hasn't lived a full life.

And now you feel
it's your turn?

Yes.

We're adult, sensible
people, Mrs. Fenimore.

I mean, we're responsible
and intelligent and...

And we can talk freely.

Exactly.

You've been here
two weeks now.

What is it you want
me to do, Mrs. Herman?

I want you to know
that I've always been

an honest
and respectable person.

Nobody can say that I ever
committed a wrong act in my life.

That's a claim
few people can make.

Now, I think
I'm entitled to something

after a lifetime
of devotion.

But for some reason, you
feel you can't do it alone.

Exactly.

You do understand,
don't you?

Well, I can see that
he doesn't trust you.

That's right.

But I think
you could win his confidence.

It shouldn't be too difficult.

It may be
harder than you think.

You'll have to get him
to invite you into his room.

Oh.

I'm beginning to see
why you need help.

I've waited a long time
for the right person.

It had to be someone with
exactly the right qualities.

Appearance, personality,
a nice voice...

And not too many scruples?

What I want to do is completely
justifiable under the circumstances.

He's an old man and
he's outlived his usefulness.

What has he to look forward to but the
lingering agony of a helpless old age?

I've planned it so there'll
be no pain whatever.

And how is this act of mercy
to be done?

Oh, you needn't
concern yourself with that.

I'll handle everything
when the time comes.

All you have to do is
to get into his room.

And what do I stand to gain?

$ .

Dear, could I have
a little more of this sherry?

You're
a stickler for rules.

There.

Oh, you're very good,
you really are.

There we go!

It sounds like
you're having fun.

I haven't played crokinole
for I don't know how long.

Well, three can play,
you know.

Play if you like.
I've had enough.

You want to
go for a walk?

Why, yes.
I'd love to.

I'll get my coat.

You know, if he
were a bit younger,

I might be able to
make better progress.

His wife used to read him to
sleep like a baby every night.

She had the
loveliest voice.

Yours is the nearest
to it I've heard.

My stage training,
you know.

Are you coming?

Yes, I am.


"True love's the gift which
God has given to man alone

"beneath the heavens.

"It is not fantasy's hot fire,
whose wishes, soon as granted, fly.

"It liveth not
in fierce desire.

"With dead desire
it doth not die. "

That's true.
I know just what he means.

She isn't finished.

"It is the secret sympathy,
the silent tie,

"which heart to heart and mind to
mind, in body and in soul can bind. "

That's real poetry.
Who wrote it?

It's the Lay of the Last
Minstrel by Sir Walter Scott.

Why don't you go to bed?

It's too early.

You do have a lovely
reading voice, Mrs. Fenimore.

Doesn't she, Uncle Bill?

When she gets
a chance to use it.

Shall I read on?

Oh, yes, please do.
I love to listen to you.

Enjoy yourself, then.
I'm going to bed.

I really don't see...

You will.

Tomorrow night, he'll ask you
to read to him in his room.

Yes?

After he falls asleep,
go to your own room.

But leave his door unlocked.

And then?

He has a small two-burner gas plate
in his room to boil water for his tea.

If it should happen to boil
over and put out the flame...

I read about somebody who
asphyxiated himself that way.

His door was locked,

so there was no question
but it was an accident.

And the matter of my fee?

Just as soon as
the will is read.

One and two, one and two,
one and two, one and two.

That's it. Slide a
little bit. Not so stiff.

Blast it,
I am stiff!

No, you're not.
You're just out of practice.

It'll all come back to you.

This ain't the way
I used to dance.

It's the very latest thing.
Now, come on, let's try it again.

One and two, one and
two, one and two...

That does it! I ain't
getting on no dance floor

and make a fool
of myself.

What in
heaven's name...

Mind your own business!

Uncle Bill wanted to
brush up on his dancing.

There's no fool
like an old fool.

And that suit, you haven't
worn that for seven years.

What's that to you?

Whatever possessed you?

I'm going out,
that's why!

Where? Why?

We're going to a matinee.
And then to dinner afterwards.

After that, we're going
dancing someplace. Let's go.

Can't have no
privacy around her.

It was his idea.

But this will
ruin everything.

Don't worry. I think I
know how to handle this.

Well?

Don't expect a word from
me until I've had coffee.

There, that's better.

Well, my dear, I don't think Uncle
Bill will try that little scheme again.

What time did you
get back last night?

Late enough for him to
appreciate the quiet life.

The old fool can't get
out of bed this morning.

And just to be on the safe side, I
saw to it that he spent a lot of money.

I think he'll be content to
stay home now and be read to.

I can see that I made no
mistake in confiding in you.

I try to do my share, dear.

Too bad a man can't have a
little peace and quiet around here

when he's trying
to sleep.

It's after : , if you
will keep those late hours.

Nobody asked your advice.

All right, Uncle Bill,
all right.

I know you had
a wonderful time.

Well, I didn't,
if you want to know.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Wasn't your fault.

It's the prices
those robbers charge.

Every time you turn around,
somebody's got his hand out.

Oh, it's terrible.

Tonight we'll stay home
and I'll read to you.

How does that sound?

At least it ain't
gonna cost me any money.

Do we have to listen
to that thing all evening?

I can turn it off if you'd
rather Mrs. Fenimore read to you.

Who's going to
turn you off?

Shall I read?

Not here.

If you came up to my room, we
wouldn't have so many interruptions.

"Loveliest and best, thou
little knowest the ranks.

"The honors thou hast lost.

"Oh, might I live to see thee
grace in Scotland's court.

"Thy birthright place... "

Finished reading already?

Yes. He fell asleep.

He was quite exhausted.

You do have a lovely,
soothing voice.

Thank you.

Well, I think
I'll go to bed now.

Yes.

Good night.

Good night, Mrs. Fenimore.

A very unfortunate accident.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Herman.

I warned him
so many times to be careful.

Oh, it's happened
before this?

Twice.

The other times
I smelled the gas escaping,

pounded on his door
until he woke up.

Did he always keep
his door locked?

Always.

He was rather eccentric,
almost a hermit.

Yes, I see.

You didn't notice
the gas last night?

No. I sleep downstairs now
since I took in a boarder.

Oh, yes, Mrs...

Mrs. Fenimore,
Officer.

You didn't smell it, either?

No, unfortunately.

I'm a very deep sleeper and I
always sleep with my windows open.

Well, it's just one of
those regrettable accidents.

Certainly no fault
of either of you ladies.

I know that's not
much consolation...

Thank you for your
cooperation. Good day, ladies.

Well, that's over.

Yes, I thought it
came out very well.

It was no spur
of the moment plan.

I've worked on the idea
for two years.

Would you like
a small glass of sherry?

I think not.

I'd like to
start packing.

There's really no
need for you to go.

I think it's better.

Compunctions?

Hardly that.

Are you planning on
returning to the stage?

No.

Not unless something
very good came along.

Good parts are hard
to find, you know.

Well, if you have
no place to go...

I was thinking of traveling,
abroad that is.

On $ ?

That won't
last long that way.

Well, I suppose I might
as well tell you now.

You'll find out soon enough.

I can't imagine what.

I persuaded Uncle Bill
to keep it a secret awhile.

We got married.

But don't worry, dear.
I'll send you the $

just as soon as
the will is read.

A deal is a deal.

Here is further evidence
that crime does not pay,

for the law caught up with
Mrs. Herman and Mrs. Fenimore

shortly after they had
spent the inheritance.

They are now living
on government expense.

The subject of money brings us
quite naturally to the following,

at the conclusion of which,
I shall rejoin you.

By the way, that last commercial
was one which was sent to Russia

as part of a
cultural exchange.

I don't know what
we received in return,

we're afraid to open it.

Now, until next week,

when we shall return
with another story.

Good night.
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