04x33 - The Dusty Drawer

[bunniefuu]

Good evening.

It is always pleasant
to greet old customers.

As you know

I have always been a great believer
that there is safety in numbers.

Provided those numbers
are preceded by dollar sign.

Working in a bank has also taught
me a great deal about people.

Most of them don't seem to be able to
fill out our withdrawal slips properly.

Here is one I handled recently,
a typical example.

He didn't even attempt to use our form

but made one of his own.

At the top he has printed

"This is a hold-up."

Below that is written

"Put $ , in a brown paper sack"

"and hand it to me."

He didn't even sign his name.

But I honored it.

I recognise him as the president
of the bank across the street.

Tonight's drama is
concerned with a bank.

The commercial is about money.

That's what our sponsor makes you know.

Mr. Tritt.

Thank you.

Mr. Logan.

- Colonel Binns.
- Thank you.

Hmm.

Ham looks awfully fat this morning.

Mrs. Merrell?
Mrs. Merrell!

There's something wrong with this egg.

I beg your pardon, Colonel Binns?

This egg is fertile.

Well really Colonel Binns.

Would you mind getting the doorbell?

I'm sure it's a telegram for Mr. Tritt.

Could it be from your bank, Mr. Tritt?

Possibly they want to
make you president.

(CHUCKLES)

Mr. Logan, if that is
another telegram from you,

I shall slap your face.

When are you going to
give me back my $ ?

Mr. Logan we had this
all out months ago.

I did not steal $ from you.

You stole it, you know it.

Excuse me Mr. Logan,
we're both going to be late.

I had $ in my hand that day.

When you entered the amount
in my account, it was .

Remember, Mr. Logan, my cash balanced
when you came back and complain.

Of course it balanced.

You had made a mistake on
somebody else's account

and then you use my $ to
try to cover up your mistake.

You thought I was just an absent-minded
professor and I wouldn't notice.

Well I did notice Mr. Tritt,
I did notice.

Mr. Logan, I'm going to go
a long long way in the bank.

I cannot afford to make a mistake.

I'll get you Mr. Tritt.

I don't like to be had.

Goodbye, Mr. Logan.

Goodbye, Mr. Tritt.

Always happy to be of service.

Come see us again.

Goodbye.

Mr. Pinkson.

Well, have a good Thanksgiving?

Yes, thanks.

I have some bonds I like to cash.

Sure, come in.

Cashing in quite a few, aren't you?

Well yes, my mother is in hospital,
she had an operation about months ago.

I've been sort of dipping
into my bonds ever since.

- Just a minute, I'll call Mr. Tritt.
- Mr. Tritt?

Yes, he does that now.
We've move him up to first cage.

Oh, he's an up and comer.

He'll be vice president next.

Oh Mr. Tritt, please.
Mr. Logan wants to cash some bonds.

Mr. Tritt will be right with you.

Oh yes, yes, I'm still listening.

Mr. Logan, I...

I understand you have
some bonds you want to cash.

Are you alright?

Yes.

Yes I'm fine.

You sure you don't want
me to call a doctor?

No I'm fine.

Mr. Logan, what is it? I...

I've never seen you
look so happy before.

Yes.

Yes!

Mr. Logan?

Mr. Logan, don't...

don't you want to cash your bond?

I'll be back.

I'll be back!

Yes, sir?

- I need a g*n.
- What age boy, sir?

Well, it's for me.

Oh, actually I want a revolver.

It doesn't have to sh**t or anything.

It just has to look real, it's for a play.

Have you seen these plastic g*ns?

Does that look real?

All you have to do is hold in the palm of
your hand, you can make anyone believe.

Just...

hold it in the palm of your hand.

Mr. Logan.
Want to cash those bonds now?

Yes, if you'd be so kind.

Very well, I'll get the bond chart.

Now, let's see, there's .

That's $ . .

Best if we just double-check.
To be sure.

$ . exactly.

Thank you, Mr. Tritt.

Now there is...

one more thing you can
get for me, Mr. Tritt.

What's that?

$ , in $ bills.

Ten thou...

You just go to your cage
and get the money.

Come now, Mr. Logan, can't...
can't we just talk this over?

Put the money in the bag, bring it
back and put it here on the table.

Alright, Mr. Logan.

Just sit there, just sit right there.

I'll get it for you.

Mr. Pinkson.
Mr. Pinkson, call the guard.

He's got a g*n in his pocket,
he's coming towards me.

I wasn't calling, the phone rang.
Rang for me.

Just a minute,
I'll put it in a bag.

Okay, put your hands up!

Careful! He's armed.

Mr. Logan, I'm sorry about this

but Mr. Tritt tells me you
attempted an armed robbery.

Mr. Tritt tells you?

Mr. Tritt I fear is suffering from
some persecution complex.

Get his g*n, Lewis.

Well, he don't have a g*n, Mr. Tritt.

Of course, he has.

It's right in his overcoat pocket.

Let go!

I'll take it off, Mr. Tritt!

Mr. Tritt. Are you
quite certain you saw it?

Because if you didn't,
this is rather embarrassing.

It's perfectly alright, Mr. Pinkson.
I won't sue.

It's here.
It's got to be here.

It's got to be here somewhere.

Mr. Pinkson, if you'd like to make a more
thorough examination, I'll be delighted...

No Mr.Logan, really
that's not necessary.

- Glad to.
- I beg you, sir, pull up your suspenders.

I must asked you to return
your cage now, Mr. Tritt.

You've created quite
enough disturbance.

I hope you won't make a
complaint about this, Mr. Logan.

The Boston office would...

Well, you know how they are in
Boston about a thing like this.

Oh no, I certainly would not.

After all, it was only
some sort of aberration.

No, I certainly wouldn't.

A thing like this,
would it get around, it er...

it could harm his career.

It could, it could indeed.

I must say,
that's wonderful of you.

Well really, what could I do?

Christmas, you know.

(WHISTLING JINGLE BELLS
THROUGH THE TEETH)

I might have known.

Mr. Pinkson, could I have
a few minutes off please?

I'm a little upset in my stomach.

Ya, too much holiday cheer, Mr. Tritt?

Mr. Logan's outside.
I think he wants to cash some bonds.

Just a minute, just a minute.

I'm terribly sorry you've
been delayed Mr. Logan.

Mr. Tritt suddenly became unwell.

Did he imagine he saw another g*n?

You know, ever since that
little incident last month,

he's er... he's changed.

I suppose once you've
had an hallucination

you're are always afraid
it's going to come back.

Now, what can I do for you?
More bonds?

Well I don't have any
business to transact.

I, just thought I dropped
in to see if he was alright.

Terribly nice of you, Mr. Logan.

Mr. Tritt, I thought I
could drive you home.

Drive me?

Oh yes, I thought possibly with these spells
you've been having, you shouldn't drive.

I'm in excellent shape, Mr. Logan.

Excellent shape.

You know, biologically speaking,

that's the most interesting thing
about nervous breakdowns.

What do you mean the
most interesting thing?

Or rather I should say chemically speaking,

because the chemistry involved is exactly
the same as we find in the decay of meat.

The decay of meat.

Don't be late for supper tonight Mr. Tritt.

Oyster stew, you know.

Oyster stew, everybody.

There should be seven oysters apiece,
unless the cook ate one.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Could that be another
telegram for you, Mr. Tritt?

Celery Miss Bradford.

Thank you.

Who took the heart?

I took the heart, Miss Bradford.

Oh!

Well, you had the heart yesterday,
I haven't had the heart for a month.

Well, it's for me!

Only one oyster for me, Colonel Binns.

Only one oyster?

Yes I'm still trying
to learn to like them.

I was brought up not to read letters
in the presence of others, Mr. Tritt.

That's a telegram.

It can wait.

At least we might start
the oyster crackers.

It seems as if we're not
going to get the stew.

You know, that could
be something important.

Could be a death in your family.

Probably just a goodwill message.

It's Christmas you know.

Why are you so interested
in Mr. Logan's business?

Because I know somehow it's for me.

He's taunting me.

Oh! Come now Mr. Tritt.

But he is.

Every day now, he comes in
and stands just outside my cage

whistling Christmas carols.

He's hoping I'll make a mistake.

He's hoping I'll make a mistake
in my figures and be fired.

That's what this is.

It's part of some diabolical
scheme to unnerve me.

Come now, Mr. Tritt.

People will start thinking you have
some sort of persecution complex.

Alright then, I'll prove it.

You want me to prove it?

Then I won't.

Then I will, Mr. Tritt.

It's from Mother.

So sweet.

Poor dear.
Flat on her back in hospital.

Displaced disc, you know.

Her teeth in a glass on a window sill.

I beg your pardon.

Why would she keep her teeth
in a glass on the window sill?

Well they need sunlight.

We all need sunlight.

Good morning, Mr. Pinkson.

Good morning Mr. Logan.

May I cash some more bonds?

Why, sure.

Lewis, shovel off the walk, would you?

Yes, sir.

Mr. Tritt?

Mr. Logan would like
to cash some bonds.

Well, here we go again, Mr. Tritt.

Now go to your cage,
get the $ ,

put it in an envelope

and this time bring it to me.

Put the envelope on the table.

Continue with bonds.

Now Mr. Tritt,

if you make any signal at all
before I get out of the bank,

I'll put a b*llet in you.

Right there.

Now get back to your cage.

Police! Police! Police! Police!

Mr. Pinkson! Mr. Pinkson!
Mr. Pinkson, it's a holdup!

Police! Lewis! Lewis!

(CONFUSED SHOUTING)

Hurray, I told you, it's Mr. Logan.

Go get him, we finally got him!

Alright, put up your hands.

Well gentlemen, here we are again.

He's got it. He's got $ ,
in s right in that bag.

Please, Mr. Tritt. Don't start
this again for your own sake.

Snatch the bag, Lewis.
Snatch it.

Now really Mr. Pinkson,
If I had robbed your bank,

you think I'll be standing right
here in front like an idiot?

He has a point there Mr. Tritt.

Well, he has the money, Mr. Pinkson.

Mr. Logan, do you mind
if we look in your bag?

No, no indeed.

Please, please Mr. Logan,
not in the street.

- I insist!
- But look Mr. Logan, it's practically zero.

It's not a question of
temperature, Mr. Pinkson.

It's a question of honour.

Mr. Logan, I beg you.

It's in the snow.
He's hidden it in the snow!

What a shame.
He was such a nice chap.

Lewis. Call a doctor.

Yes, sir!

Mr. Pinkson, do you think we
could go back in the bank now

and finish up with the bonds?

Certainly, Mr. Logan.
Just let me take care of him.

Mr. Tritt.

Mr. Tritt!

Mr. Tritt?!

Terribly sorry you've been
treated this way, Mr. Logan.

Shall we continue with the bonds?

The ham looks awfully
fat this morning.

No eggs, thank you Mrs. Merrell.

I hear Mr. Tritt's getting out soon.

Yes.

The psychiatrist says
he's perfectly sane.

He can answer every
question they ask him.

Except where the money is.

Ahh, he's a sly one, he is.

Oh, where is Mr. Logan?

He had his breakfast early this morning.

Said he had some papers to prepare.

Dear Mr. Pinkson,
I have a dreadful admission.

Some months ago
I made a mistake.

And to cover it, I took $
from a customer's deposit.

This first crime led
to my second crime.

The stealing of $ , ,
which I am now returning by mail.

Minus of course the $ for
which I had made restitution.

Sincerely,

William...

...Tritt.

Thank you Lewis. And don't forget that
cash shipment from Boston arrives at .

Yes, sir.

- Mr. Pinkson.
- Mr. Logan what do you think has happen now?

Really? I can't imagine.

Well, yesterday except for ,
we got the money back in the mail.

I called Mr. Tritt of course.

And you know, he not only
denied having taken the money,

he denied having returned it.

Oh dear, he is confused.

Mentally quite unstable I'm afraid.

Needless to say, we're dropping him.

And almost everyone
lived happily ever after.

Closing time is almost upon us.

I must count up the money.

You watch the following,
after which I'll be back.

Here, ladies and gentlemen,
is the alternate ending to tonight's story.

Well, you pay your money
and you take your choice.

I haven't been able
to balance my books.

So I'm taking my work home with me.

I'm very conscientious that way.

I hope you tune in next week
when we shall have another story.

Until then

goodnight.