01x08 - We Gull Way Back

[bunniefuu]

Evenin' Karl.

Yer late.

Nah, it's fine. I started the
moonbathin' without ya, though.

- Aye, full moon ain't
upon us 'til tomorrow, yeah.

'Tis but a warm up
fer the big night.

Man : Hey
there, old-timer!

Hey! Down here, ya pervert!

: Are ye real?

Or a filthy phantom?

What the f*ck?

Hey! Is Blackbeard aboard?

Maybe, maybe no! Who's asking?

A friend!

So, i-is he aboard or what?

Well, if he was, and
I'm no sayin' he is,

and I'm no sayin' he isn't, eh?

He's sleeping!

Well, wake his ass up then!

g*dd*mn.

Missed.

Smooth.

Hey, you guys got rum up there?

- Ah! Don't sh**t!

I'm just a stowaway!

- Ah!

Those are my cannons.

All right, it's lit, it's lit!

- Go, go, go!
- Ahh!

f*ckin' bullseye!

Bullseye, bullseye!
That means you drink!

- Oh, if I must, I must.
- Get on with it!

Captain Stede: What's going on?

- Who are we attacking?
- Hey! sh*t, did we wake you?

: sh*t, sorry,
we were a bit too loud.

- We were blowing stuff up.
- : Sorry, sorry...

I just got paid a visit
by my old shipmate,

Calico Jack. Calico Jaaack!

Okay... um...

Old mate? Well, if he's
a friend of yours, hello.

- Who's the big gal?
- Would you f*ckin' stop?

He's joking. He f*ckin' joking.

You're not a girl.

Jack, Stede Bonnet.
Stede Bonnet, Jack.

- Good to meet you.
- Oh, lovely.

So, uh, what are we blowing up?

We found
this old chest of drawers

that actually makes
quite a good target.

- Ah... the ones that were under the stairs?
- Blackbeard: Yes.

Those ones. They were
under the stairs.

- They were definitely under the stairs.
- Well, yeah, you saw them.

- Oh.
- Blackbeard: Were you saving those?

No, no. They're just an old

- antique armoire.
- Yeah.

Been in the family
for generations.

I was hoping to... blow it
up at some point.

- Oh sh*t.
- Mate, I'm sorry.

It was Jack's idea. He can
be a bit of a wild man.

He drifted by late last night.

Yeah... He's hit a
bit of a rough patch.

- Well, uh, breakfast is probably ready if you want.
- Blackbeard: Jack!

- Brekkie!
- Brekkie!

- Brekkie!
- Come on, brekkie!

- Couldn't even sleep last night, Swede.
- Yah?

Guess I miss Jim more
than I even thought I did.

Mm-hm.

I mean, it's not like we
were together or anything.

I'm not sayin' that.
I'm just, you know...

It was always us two.

Okay.

To be honest...

I don't even think I can
stay in that room anymore.

I took all my stuff
out this morning.

So... the room is free then?

Sorry, quick pardon.

- Did you say the room is free?
- No, no, no, no!

- It's mine, it's mine!
- Oye, wait!

Mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine!

- Frenchie: Wait!
- No, mine!

That grants me roommate status.

Just wanted to...
offer my condolences.

'Bout Jim.

Thank you.

How did they die?

Was it very bloody?

- Jim always loved a bit of blood, eh?
- Jim's not dead.

- No?
- No.

Huh. I thought he was dead.

- Forgive me, Father, for I did sins.

The basics: Fornication, twice.

- Theft, once.
- Mm-hm.

Impure thoughts... some.

One of them, I
thought, was pretty, uh

pretty deeply impure.

- And that's it for this week.
- Hm.

- Thank you.
- I see, I see, and aren't you leaving something out?

Oh, gluttony.

I wolfed down a lot, a
lot of food unnecessarily.

- I wasn't even hungry.
- Did you double-cross anyone?

Maybe, left them to die at
the hands of the Spanish?

What?

God's not a fan.

Get away from me!
Get away from me!

Only two settings here, uh,

I wasn't expecting a guest.

Yeah, that's great, yeah.

Oh, you, you can

you can take that seat. I'll...

Just for the two of you, huh?

Hornigold'd sh*t himself.

Oh, f*ckin' Hornigold!

Captain Hornigold! There's a
f*cking blast from the past!

- Such a d*ck! Such a f*cking d*ck.
- Such a d*ck!

Hornigold, yes, yes.

Who's Hornigold?

That's where me and Jack first
met, on Hornigold's ship.

Where we first became outlaws.

Blackbeard and I met on a ship.

It was a Spanish vessel.

Funny story, actually.
I was gut-stabbed,

- and...
- 'Member how he stabbed us?

- 'Member he just b*at us down? Just, just...
- Yeah, yeah.

- Ground us down into nothin'?
- Oh, I remember.

I was there. He treated us
like dogs. Worse than dogs!

Sounds like you two
had quite a wild time.

- I was tame compared to him.

This maniac once torched a ship with
the entire crew still trapped inside.

No, Stede doesn't
wanna hear about that.

You could just hear
their screams for miles.

"Help me! Help me!"

"Ah, ah, I'm burning!"

The flames were so...
They were white-hot.

Aah! Their skin was mel... Aah!

You know, and whatever you would
scream when you're burning to death.

I thought you'd, uh

- given up the k*lling.
- Yeah, well, technically

the fire k*lled those guys.

Not me.

Yeah, well, that's
pirating, isn't it?

Ugly profession, but then again

you'd know that.

I've actually mellowed a bit.

Have you?

Well, hopefully you
haven't mellowed too much,

for whippies?

- Have you?
- Whippies?

- Whippies?
- Both: Whippies! Whippies! Whippies!

Whippies!

Whippies!

All : Whippies!
Whippies! Whippies!

Ah! Ow!

That's what you f*ckin' get!

You should've stayed still.

- It's kinda on you.
- Yeah, that was fun.

This guy's an absolute
legend with a whip.

- How long's he staying, do you think?
- Ah, f*ck. I don't know.

I mean, we, you know, we're
keeping it open-ended.

Y-You can't put a f*ckin'
time limit on fun, mate!

Jack! Whip my balls!

Whip my ba... Ah!

f*ckin' hell, Jack!

- Heya.
- Hey. I've never had a room before.

Me neither. I've been
in plenty of rooms,

but... I've never had one.

What's this?

It's blueprints,
mate, blueprints.

We've gotta design our sanctum.

Our space, no rules.

It can be whatever
we want it to be.

What, like, beds on the ceiling?

- That seems a bit tricky.
- No, that's just...

No, that's just the perspective.

- Oh.
- It's looking down.

- That's better.
- Yeah,

but I'm lovin' the input.

Let's keep it flowin', roomie.

- Mm.
- Just go. Don't think about it.

What about a sitting area
over in the corner there

- that nook in the corner, and...
- Yeah.

But remember, we only sit on it.
We don't sleep, we sit on it.

Hey, that's perfect!

We can call it a, uh

a sitting nook.

- And we can have a bowl of mints...
- Yeah.

In case, like, we
have people over.

Hang on. Why would
people come over?

Um, I think that's
just part of it.

When you're room people,
people come over.

Blackbeard: And then,
I come in to find

he'd shat everywhere
but in the bedpan.

Calico Jack: What
a day. What a day.

- Ah, and then...

Well, then there was the
time he saved my life.

All: Whoa!

- Calico Jack: No, come on.
- Blackbeard: Yeah, you did.

I don't like to bring it up.

It's a bit immodest.

All: Come on!

Come on, tell us!

It was actually not
too far from here.

Uh, matter of fact, on,
uh, on Blind Man's Cove.

- All: Ooh.
- Blackbeard: Well, you know what?

If it weren't for you, I
wouldn't be alive today.

I love this dopey
bastard right here.

That's a real pirate!

Not like one of these
store-bought types.

Jack, I hate to ask, but

where's your ship and your crew?

You'd think a real
pirate would have those.

Well, I'm, I'm kind of, uh, I'm kind
of between things at the moment.

Look, fellas, I, I
know it looks like

I'm killin' it, but, uh...

I'm really not.

My crew mutinied.

- All: Aww.
- Aw, man.

Third time it's
happened this year.

All: Aww.

- You made him cry.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

- Well, it was a pretty bitchy question.
- Black Pete: Yeah.

Hey, Stede.

It's okay, CJ. I'm sure
it wasn't personal.

Yeah, well, when they tie
an anchor around your leg

and throw you overboard,
it feels pretty personal.

- All: Oh.
- How could I have known his crew mutinied?

I mean, in hindsight, I
probably could've guessed.

Well, Jack's always
been a bit emotional.

You know, the two
of you actually have

more in common than you think.

I know he comes on a bit strong
at first, but he's, he's insecure.

I owe 'em a lot,
including my life.

Give him a chance.

Well, if he's a friend of yours,

I'm sure there's something
in there I'll like.

Come on.

We were gonna mutiny on Stede.

Yeah, probably will
again someday. Really.

- Aw, thanks, fellas. Real nice of you to say.
- Yeah, of course.

Calico...

I was thinking,

would it cheer you up if
we went for a little trip?

Perhaps, somewhere fun?

I don't know... Maybe.

- Don't make a bother for me.
- All: Come on!

- Come on!
- Where you wanna go?

Well, I haven't been to
Blind Man's Cove in years.

- Well, Blind Man's Cove it is.

- Are you serious? Aw, thanks!
- Black Pete: You hear that?

Aw, thanks! Oh!

Man, you're the greatest, Steve!

- Steve's the greatest, huh?
- It's, uh, it's Stede, but...

What is?

Well, this is quite lovely.

What should we do
first? Take a dip?

Go for a nature walk?

I bet there's some
insane foliage.

Yeah, you know, I
think with this crowd

probably want something
a little more...

Yardies! Who's up for
yardies?!

Yardies! Yardies!

Jump, man!

Come on, it's easy as pie!

I used to do this every morning!

Are you sure it's safe?!

Of course, it's not safe!

f*ck kind of pirates are these?

- All: Ooh!

Oh, okay.
I forgot to say,

I forgot to say make
sure you clear the ship.

Oluwande: Is he dead?

Well...

Who's next?

Hiya, Jackie.

What exactly is
the plan here, Jim?

You tell me everything you
know about the Siete Gallos,

or I Kn*fe another
one of your husbands.

- Don't try to save me...

sh*t.

I hope you got a plan B.

Uh... fight to the
death, probably?

Oh, well, it's gonna take
me a minute to reload.

- Get this g*n reloaded...
- That is 59 seconds too long.

- That was cool.Yes, it was.

- That was pretty cool.
- Yeah, I've been broadening myself.

Do we even have to do this?

I mean, I set you up
and left for dead,

and you k*lled one
of my husbands.

I think we're pretty even.

- What do you suggest?
- Plan C.

Drinks?

Turtle
doesn't even have a chance!

Hey, don't listen to him!

You're a vicious,
terrible beast!

Blackbeard: Turtle versus crab!

Loser gets his head cut off,

and the winner

gets his f*cking head cut off!

All that rum goes straight
through you, doesn't it, Ed?

This must be my sixth pee.

Oh, hello, Jack.

What, d'ya think
I was Blackbeard?

Your good, close buddy?

I did, actually.

You've got a surprisingly
similar gait.

Yeah...

we got a lot
in common, me and him.

In lots of ways,
we're the same man.

- Whew.

So, what's goin'
on between you two?

You buggerin' each
other or what?

Don't know what
you're talking about.

Nothin' to be ashamed of.

Anything goes at sea.

God knows...

Blackie and I have
had our dalliances.

Ooh...

I'm sorry.
Did I hit a nerve?

No.

Ed's past is Ed's business,
and I respect that.

- Ed.

Blackie I knew woulda snapped
your neck for callin' him that.

Well, perhaps, he's not
the Blackie you knew.

- And maybe you don't know him at all.
- Aw!

Sorry...

Pissed on your boots.

Blackbeard: Hey,
where you goin', man?

About to have a coconut w*r.

Take coconuts, we chuck 'em at
each other's heads. It's hilarious.

I might just head
back to the ship.

Where you goin', man?

Come on! It's gonna be a blast.

I'm not finding any of
this a blast, actually.

I don't like to
drink till I puke,

or get pelted with coconuts.

And making a turtle
fight a crab?

That's just mean!

Honestly, Ed, I don't like
who you are around this guy.

What?

But this is who I am.

This is me.

- Ow!

Never turn your
back on a bastard!

- f*ckin' d*ck!

All right, you two have fun.

Oh, come on, man.

f*ck, man. That was a good one.

Ah, come on, Steve! Don't go!

- I want 'em to feel the same pain...
- Mm-hm.

- As I slice through their arteries.
- Mmm.

So they feel also that emptiness
I felt when I lost my family.

Just want to see that.

Mm, I know what that feels like.

- Yeah.
- But you can't live like that.

Ya got to get over it!

You can't end up like me.

You don't wanna
be ownin' a dive,

and married to 19...

I mean, well, 18
husbands now, you know?

You don't want that.

Guess my age.

I don't know, um, 50?

Twenty-five.

- You look... good.

Stop lying, stop lying, kid.

All the revenge, and rage, and

- anger, it, it ages ya.
- Yeah.

- Makes ya borin'.

I'm, I'm trying to put
the revenge part behind me,

so it'd, it'd really
help me if you tell me

about the dogs who
k*lled my family.

Well, that's one right there.

Lift up his shirt.

- En serio?
- Yeah.

- Geraldo?
- Yeah... Yeah, yeah.

- No sh*t!
- Yeah.

And you already got
this one over here.

Past that

those bastards
are probably dead.

- Oh!

Ahh, I don't. I've never
used a whip before.

Ah, you got this, man!

I'll close my eyes,
so you can't hit them.

Get out of your head, bro.
Just do it. Easy-peasy.

Puddin' and f*ckin' pie.

Come on, come on, come on.

Whip the cup!

All : Whip
the cup! Whip the cup!

Whip the cup!

Hey!

Can ye no have a
bit of respect?!

Some of us are tryin'
to bask in moon glow!

Sorry, Buttons.

You know, maybe
he's right, guys.

Should we pack it in?

- It's been a day.

No, no, no! No, no!

No one goes to sleep.
King Coconut says

that we go

another...

The Swede: Ah! No, not me.

- All: Hey, hey!
- 10

- rounds!

Karl!

Oh, no...

Buttons: No, please!

God...

Oops.

My bad.

You all right?

He's dead.

You... k*lled him.

Oh... it was an accident.

He flew right into my whip.

Y-You guys saw that, right?

Bloong fleve. Morinao glowra.

Fungina fungina zloovrik.

I hex upon ye, I hex upon ye,

I hex upon

yeeeee

ahh-eee

eeee...

Well, that was some weird sh*t.

Get off my ship!

Now.

Fine.

I don't give a sh*t.

Party sucked anyway.

I'm out. Who's with me?

Oh, come on, guys. You don't wanna
stick around with this fop, do ya?

Blackie?

I saved your life, man.

Yeah...

- Let's go.
- Wait...

You're leaving? With him?

Later, losers.

This is who I am, Stede.

Can ya see me now?

You were always gonna
realize what I am.

Take care, mate.

Calico Jack: Man, that bird
really crapped, didn't it?

Thought there'd
be more feathers.

- Well, that was f*cked.
- Yeah.

- Incredibly so.
- Bird didn't deserve that.

Oh, uh, here we are.

- Yeah, this is us.
- Yep.

Hey, guys, um, do you mind
if I, uh, want to s...

- Uh, if I can sleep in here tonight?
- With us?

- Uh, it's, uh...
- Uh, it's... Yeah.

It's just that we really
haven't had any guests.

Frenchie: Yeah, we're in the
midst of some renovations.

Y-You wouldn't understand.
It's room people stuff.

Yeah, I just wanted to, you
know... I miss my old routine,

and I won't take space. I
can just sleep in the corner.

It's just there.

Oh, no, that's our nook.

And this nook is
only for sittin'.

- Frenchie: Afraid it's a no.
- No.

- Night.

Have f... Have fun in the nook.

- Frenchie: Sorry, can you keep it down out there?
- Sorry.

- What're you doing?!

- Gettin' us some breakfast!

Does that even work?

I don't know!

Never
tried it before!

Yeah, it turns out
that doesn't work.

It's a
little early for that,

don't you think?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
realize I had a audience

with the f*ckin' Pope.

Captain Stede :
They're already drinking.

And now, he's got sand
all through his beard.

Well, that's what you get
for sleeping on the beach.

Oluwande: Trust me, Cap'n.

You gotta take your
mind off them for a bit.

They're the furthest
thing from my mind.

That's why I've
got the telescope.

Oh, look at Jack.

Do you think he's
better-looking than me?

Mmm.

He's got nice hair.

Oluwande: You've got nice hair.

But his mustache is weird.

Oh god.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Don't you look awful?
- I slept here last night.

Mmm, do you regret
giving the room away?

- And drinking two bottles of rum.
- So cool.

Well, well, well. Look who's
eating seaweed.

- Has this been goin' on all night?
- All night. No breaks.

Captain Stede: That won't mix
well with the booze. Mark my words.

- You do a little dance.

Not a good dancer.

- Morning, Captain.
- No, it isn't.

Do you mind puttin' the
scope down for a sec?

- I can't hear you.
- Okay, I'll just...

- I will take this. One, two, three.
- No! No!

And that's me.
Hello, ooh.

- Hand that to Olu.
- Oluwande: Thank you.

- Long night?
- I don't know.

Okay, and do we think
this is more of a spat

or a rupture with Blackbeard?

I think it's done.

Well, lucky for you...

I'm fantastic at breakups.

- What's this?
- Your stuff. All of it.

So, don't try reaching
out looking for something.

It's an obvious ploy.
I've used it before.

I see you didn't put any of that
yummy lavender soap in there.

It's not a care package.

Did ya know he really liked you?

I hope you know that.

Calico Jack: Nice dinghy.

Should we k*ll him and take it?

No, man.

Oh lord.

You must be Olivia.

I've some hard news, Livy.

I just wanted to
let you all know,

we'll be holding a
burial at sea for Karl.

Understandably,

Buttons is...

Buttons : I wish
God took me instead!

Rather audibly upset.

And, on a related note...

Blackbeard will no
longer be sailing with us.

- All: What?!
- Captain Stede: It's a big one. I know.

It was a mutual decision,
which I initiated first.

So, does this mean
we're back to being

captained by just... you?

- Oh my god.
- Frenchie: Don't need to be a d*ck, man.

I'm not being a d*ck

by wanting clarity.

Look, technically,

you've always been
captained by me,

and only me,

so there's no change there.

Right, but what if some
of us saw ourselves

more as Blackbeard's employee.

- Oluwande: Read the room.

Best thing that could've
happened to you, if you ask me.

Like when I heard that you'd
shacked up with him, I said...

Where'd you hear that?

You didn't just happen
upon us, did you, Jack?

Took you long enough.

The old Blackbeard woulda
seen me comin' a mile away.

No... Izzy Hands sent me.

Spanish Jackie sends
her regards as well.

- Izzy sold me out.
- No, he sold Stede out.

Sentimental bastard wanted
me to get you out of there

before the English showed up.

- The English?
- That's right.

- When?
- I can't remember exactly when...

- f*ck.
- Oh, there they are.

Look, these things happen.

Sometimes, sea
captains drift apart.

I know it's tough, but chin up.

Okay?

Neither of us

will like you less or
more than we did before.

- Bad news, Captain.
- It is. It's terrible news.

Not that.

That.

Black Pete: Oh!

Wow.

That's a lot of ships.

I figured you were
on to me when I lured

you to Blind Man's
Cove, seeing as its

distinguishing
feature is that...

It's impossible
to make an escape.

- Yes.
- Hornigold's favorite place for an ambush.

Yeah... man. Took
you long enough.

I hex ye,

I hex ye, I hex ye!

So, where to?

I was thinkin' maybe
Republic of Pirates.

Jesus Christ.

Hey!

That is real mature.
What are you doin'?

Maybe you'll make it out of
here before they open fire.

- Well that was our only oar.
- f*ck you, Jack! He's my friend!

f*ck.

What do you mean,
he's your friend?

What kinda pirate has a friend?

We're all just in various stages
of f*cking each other over!

Ah!

What?

That's it, Livy.

Give him the ol' f*ck-eye.

Calico Jack: Quit
eyein' me, bird.

This about your
little bird friend?

- That's right, bird! Get lost!

Nobody messes with Calico Ja...

Ahh!

Yes We got 'im! Way to go, Livy!

Whoa!

- Oh!
- Oluwande: Warning sh*t.

The next one's into the hull.

Right. We should probably
fire back at them, um.

- Prepare the cannons!
- Blackbeard: Wait!

Hoist the white flag!

Ed.

Better alive than dead.

Well, come on! Do what he said!

Admiral Badminton:
Ah, very good.

You came back.

Never left.