01x02 - California

[bunniefuu]

This won't be first time I've had to be

glamorous under my husband. [CHUCKLES]

I decided long ago
that I will say how I feel.

Well, if you're gonna
put me on the stand,

I better have my lawyer present.

[MITCHELL] The election
is in eight f*cking months.

Keep your mouth shut, we'll be fine.

Get another wife
if you want a silent one.

They used to like each other.

[MO] You're a good person deep down.

[MARTHA] Met a young couple
tonight, reminded me of being

at the beginning of something.

McCord, wasn't it?

I appreciate you, James McCord.

California?

[MITCHELL] We got a couple
of fundraisers out there.

- My mom says Nixon's dogshit.
- I've never even met the guy.

We got a kind of
special opportunity for you.

You mean you want to set up
an espionage unit

here, in-inside
the Committee to Re-elect.

I think I know a guy.

- Liddy, general counsel.
- Soldier.

[LIDDY] This operation requires

untraceable foreign contractors.

I need five Cubans.

How expensive are Cubans these days?

[LIDDY] They're freedom
fighters, you f*ck!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

- [DIANA] Mr. Dean?
- [DEAN] I'll see myself out.

There she is, machos...

our destiny.

El Watergate.

♪ ♪

[PLUCKY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[HAIRSTYLIST] Voilà, Mrs. Mitchell.

What do you think?

I don't-I don't see a difference.

We love it.

[HAIRSTYLIST] I knew you would.

♪ ♪

[ANDERSON] I'm noticing a few gaps

in your employment history.

One here in ,

and here a whole year in .

You mind explaining what you were doing

during those periods?

I guess you could say
there was times I was doing it

and, um, you know,
times I was getting it done.

You know what I mean, brother?

I'm afraid I do not.

Mm-hmm.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Um, just odd jobs, mostly.

Mr. Wills...

Frank, you can just...
You just call me Frank.

Mr. Wills, I really appreciate, um,

you coming all the way down here,

but I'm afraid you're not
what we're looking for.

What-what is it? My-my mustache?

'Cause I can shave it off, no problem.

[ANDERSON] To be honest,

you're not really a right fit
for the front desk.

Come on, man, please.

Look, I'll level with you.

I've been to, like, ten
of these interviews this week.

I got my bills up to here.

If this ain't working for me,

I'm out of this town, dig?

Now, you just tell me,
what do I gotta do?

Name the capitals.

Sorry?

If you're on the front desk,
you only have one job,

and that job is to make
white folks feel secure,

and nothing makes white folks
feel more secure

than a friendly
public-school-educated boy

that knows the capitals.

Now, if you feel that's unfair,

I hear that the Howard Johnson's
across the street is hiring.

What you want?

[LAUGHS] Yeah, I got the job.

The night job at the Watergate.

Yeah, guy hired me
on a provisional basis,

but that's only 'cause
I forgot Bismarck.

It's the capital of North Dakota.

Look, never mind. The bus is coming.

I will tell you about it later.

All right, I gotta go.
All right, all right, bye.

- [GRUNTS]
- Oh, I-I'm so sorry, man.

We're all flaked with sorrow
from birth, son.

It's up to each of us to pull it off.

No apology necessary.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING SPANISH]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[MARTINEZ] Shh.

[LIDDY SPEAKING SPANISH]

♪ ♪

[TRANSCRIPTS THUD]

[LIDDY] The whole point
of breaking into the DNC

was to capture intimate
campaign conversations.

And you idiots, you bug
the secretarial lines?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Hey, Gordo. What's up, compadre?

All these transcripts, Howard.

Uh-huh.

We've got nothing

but a secretary
dirty-birding her boyfriend.

"I am in my posy-pink panties.

"They're so cute

stretched across my little red bottom."

Jesus, I wish I could get
my wife to talk like that.

You have any idea

how this reflects
on the two of us, Hunt?

This operation?
To Mitchell and everybody?

Yeah.

Now, I want to know

which one of you slack-jawed
equines placed these taps.

Hmm? Who was it?

- Look...
- Oh, we have a winner.

I can't stop a secretary

from using the phone for personal calls.

You bug the source, not the ancillary.

Are you familiar with black bag ops?

- You've done black bag ops.
- You ever done that?

Honestly, maybe it'd be better
to find another target.

Hold on. I'm sorry.

Are you the target finder now?

Are-are you the main guy
who helps us find the targets?

Nixon's b*ating the hell
out of McGovern in every poll.

Is the DNC really his biggest thr*at?

It is not your job
to determine the thr*at level,

you dumb donkey.

It's your job to sit by the phone
and wait for a f*cking order.

Now, do you think you can do your job?

Insofar as any of this is my job?

Yes, sir. I can do my job.

Brilliant.

Okay.

We gotta go in again.

It's our only option.

Yeah, somebody's gonna have
to ask Mitchell for more money.

[BALDWIN] I can do it.

You're going to get more
out of Mitchell if you send me

rather than one of the w*tbacks.

- No offense.
- [STURGIS] Oye, coño.

Who you calling a w*tback, brother?

We're Cuban, not Mexican.

[BALDWIN] Okay, okay, take it easy.

- [GONZALEZ SPEAKING SPANISH]
- I'll do it.

But I'm gonna need a lift.

Sarah's got the station wagon today.

[LAUGHTER]

Of course.

- [BALDWIN] After you.
- You guys are so sensitive.

[BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH]

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[ANNOUNCER OVER RADIO]
You're listening to WRBT AM...

[MARTHA] No, oh, no, honey, honey.

If you're gonna bring more
than three pairs of shoes,

you gotta do it in secret,
or else people lose faith in you.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[MARTY] You don't do anything in secret.

- Mr. McCord.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Fine, thank you.

What can I do for you?

Uh, I'm just here to drop off
some papers for your husband.

[MARTHA] Oh, sure.

Um, Marty, Katarina, would you...

Could you find Mr. Mitchell, please?
He's around here somewhere.

[MCCORD] Sorry to bother you at home.
I tried his office first.

I was sorry to hear

that you were taken off my detail.

[MCCORD] Apologies.

I wanted to tell you myself,
but it all happened so quickly.

They put me on some security work.

Clerical stuff mostly.

Oh, this is a fine collection.

You like it?

Mm, I don't know if you
can say you like Rilke.

There's so much desire
in there and... isolation.

I don't know.

I had to turn before I got any of it.

Oh, well, I'll give it a try
in a few years, then.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Um, Mr. McCord, uh, my-my family and I,

we are traveling out
to California for a fundraiser.

I was wondering if you would
like to accompany us there.

Oh, I would love to,
Mrs. Mitchell, but...

the campaign does have me very busy,

and, um, I am needed at home.

Of course, understood.

I just... um, I don't
often find a bodyguard

that I can have a conversation
with, that's all.

I'm sorry if I overstepped.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Of course not.

McCord?

Yes, sir.

Uh, I have a few matters of paperwork

pertaining to our earlier conversation.

In the study.

It's very nice to see you again.

Oh.

[MARTY] What are you doing with my book?

Helping you not forget it.

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

I-is he, um...

You think he'll be out soon?

I-I don't mean to be rude.

It's just, I ha-I have a plane
to catch this afternoon

for a conference in the Philippines.

The president should be wrapping up

with Senator Thurmond in just a moment.

Hard candy?

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

Couple of Chatty Cathys.

It shouldn't be
too much longer. Mr. Keane.

- Dean.
- [ROSE MARY] I'm sorry?

My last name.
You-you just called me Keane.

- Keane?
- Dean.

- With a K?
- With a D.

Dean.

I don't remember a Dean
in the Department of Transportation.

Excuse me?

[ROSE MARY]
You're an assistant secretary

in the Department of Transportation?

N-no. What?

I'm junior counsel.

Oh, gosh.

What is my brain doing up there?

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Yes, Mr. President?

Um, Mr. Dean has been here
for the past minutes.

Uh-huh. Certainly, I'll let him know.

Thank you, Mr. President.

The president apologizes,

but his meeting with Senator Thurmond

has been extended indefinitely.

Fortunately, it looks
like we can reschedule

your get-to-know-you for September.

September?

It's June.

[ROSE MARY] That's the next space

the president has available,

unless that's a problem.

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

I serve at the pleasure
of the president.

That's the spirit.

[DEAN] President f*cking d*ck.

f*cking piece of f*cking assh*le.

f*cking, f*cking sh*t. f*ck.

[GRUNTS]

- Ow, Jesus.
- [INTERCOM BUZZES]

[LINDA] Sir, I have
Maureen Kane returning.

Miss Kane.

Hi. Well, I... God, that's all

a girl's gotta do to reach
White House counsel?

I think I imagined switchboards
all the way up Mount Olympus.

Stop, I'm not that important.

[MO] Oh, Mr. False Modesty.

So come on, you have to tell me.

How'd it go, anyway?

[DEAN] How-how'd what go?

Your meeting with the president
of the United States?

Oh, that, I... yeah, I, um...
[CLEARS THROAT]

No, I-I-I had to reschedule
that, actually.

You had to reschedule?

Yeah, you know,
I-I've been so busy lately

with, uh, you know, meetings and stuff.

You don't think that's rude, do you,

to reschedule a meeting
with the president?

Maybe it looks like
I'm too busy for him.

Uh, no, I-I don't...
I think it's a good thing,

shows you're not sitting around
like the village idiot

waiting for him to meet with you.

You've, you know,
got other things going on.

- Important things.
- Right.

Blonde, important,

"best thing that ever happened
to you" things.

Well, that reminds me,
I-I got some bad news.

I-I don't think I can make it
to see you this weekend.

What? No.

I've got the tickets to Cat Stevens

at the Bowl Saturday night.

[DEAN] I know, and I love Cat Stevens,

but I have this conference in Manila.

It totally slipped my mind. I'm sorry.

I have Senator Gurney on the line,
and he says it's urgent.

Right.

Look, I-I gotta take
this other call, but, um,

on my way back through the States,
how about I stop by LA?

Who's playing at the Bowl Tuesday?

- The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
- Perfect.

I love... it's beautiful. I...

We'll make a night of it, okay?

I'll talk to you soon.

Okay, I'll light a candle in my window.

Bye, now.

[SIGHS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[FLIGHT ATTENDANT]
Anything else, Mrs. Mitchell?

I'm fine. Thank you, dear.

[FLIGHT ATTENDANT]
Oh, and about your daughter.

She asked for a Bloody Mary.

Okay.

[FLIGHT ATTENDANT]
She's years old, ma'am.

Mm-hmm. Oh, I see.

Don't make it too spicy.

Three campaign events in one day,

we'll die of dumbfuck exposure.

You reading poetry now?

[SIGHS] I'm in a bit
of a wistful mood, I guess,

thinking about a... a boy I once knew.

[CHUCKLES]

Is this gonna be the
center fielder from college?

The oil baron from Midland?

Walter. Arkansas boy.

Took me to my first dance
when we were .

[MITCHELL] Mm.

And once in a while,

you still wonder
what it might have been like

if you had married
simple Walter from Pine Bluff.

We used to be a team.

Now it's just...

...jokes and silences

and the occasional rough sex
and campaign business.

Doesn't sound so bad.

I'm serious.

I thought you'd be happy
going to California.

You can talk to Zsa Zsa and Clint.

Push Lana Turner in the pool.

I'm not a show pony.

You can't just trot me around
and then put me back

in the stable at the end of the night.

[MITCHELL] I don't know
what you want me to say.

These things happen in a marriage,

and you didn't marry
simple Walter from Pine Bluff.

You married me.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

I like your traveling suit.

[REPORTER] Ten Americans k*lled,

eight missing, wounded.

South Vietnam reported , k*lled,

the heaviest weekly toll
for them for the entire w*r.

Gotta get the crease right.

[REPORTER] President Nixon
said last night...

See that?

It's all in the details, Tuffy.

Look at you licking the plate.

[CAT PURRING]

I will be back at the cr*ck of dawn,

and I'm bringing doughnuts.

I'm all right. Thank you, thank you.

Ma'am.

How you doing this evening?

[DOG WHINES]

All right.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, man, don't mind Mrs. Emerson.

She's, um...

She's a little skittish.

Name's Alberto.

- Frank Wills.
- Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

You ever work security before,
Frank Wills?

Well, I, um... I was up
in Michigan at Job Corps...

- [ALBERT] Mm-hmm.
- ...and before that,

I was working part-time

at a department store back in Georgia.

Well, things around here
are pretty simple.

Uh, there's the logbook,

schedule, uh, walkie,

flashlight for your rounds.

Anyone comes down for a package,

we keep them under the desk.

sh*t, man, uh, weekend's a dead zone.

Oh, there's a bum who comes around

and pisses in the planters,
but that's about it.

I got you.

Have a good night.

And hey, don't fall asleep on the job.

[FRANK] Got it.

At least don't get caught.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[BALDWIN] Eagle Eye, this is Sparrow.

Come in, Eagle Eye.

[LIDDY] Go for Eagle Eye. Over.

[BALDWIN] The guards have just
changed shifts for the night.

Over.

[LIDDY] How are we
doing otherwise? Over.

♪ ♪

[BALDWIN] We still have
a few guys in the office.

Looks like they're packing up
to get out of there. Over.

[LIDDY] Copy that.

We've got a visual on
the side street from our room.

Carrion Falcon, you in position? Over.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[LIDDY] Carrion Falcon,
are you in position? Over.

Roger that, Eagle Eye.

In position and waiting
on your signal. Over.

Over and out, I mean.

♪ ♪

["THINGS TO DO" PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[CARL COCCOMO] ♪ Things to do ♪

♪ Can't let my shoes pick dust up ♪

♪ Won't slow down ♪

♪ I can't afford to let up... ♪

- Excuse me.
- Pardon me.

Can I get another gin and tonic, please?

Ah, yes.

[MITCHELL] And the president
is very pleased

with this conservative movement

you got going out here with Reagan.

John, we're not building it
for the president's pleasure.

We consider this
our own movement out here,

a-a new conservative politics

centered around the Christian family,

not making nice with Red China.

All I'm saying
is that Ronnie's endorsement

would mean the world to d*ck.

The only thing that means d*ck to d*ck
is more glory for d*ck.

[MARTHA] Both of you, stop it.

Don't tell me y'all
are still talking shop.

Your husband here set a trap for me.

I've been struggling to get out of it.

I've been trying to wriggle my way
out of his snare for years.

[CHUCKLES]

- Michael.
- Oh.

Would you like to join me
in a game of pool?

Maybe it'll make him jealous.

I'd love nothing more.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, God.

I forgot the first rule of billiards.

Never put money on a game

when there's a Southern woman involved.

- Mm.
- [DEAVER CHUCKLES]

Now, tell me something.

When Reagan went
for the nomination in ' ,

did he make a stop in Pine Bluff?

Uh, I can't say that we did.

Mm, it's probably for the best.

They're just wild for Nixon down there.

They love him
even more than they love me.

All right.

One Mitchell gets me toast,
and the other one butters me up

for the Reagan endorsement.
Is that how this works?

[MARTHA] Oh, no, don't be ridiculous.

You're more than just
some jacket potato to us.

You're a dear friend, Michael.

Scotch, please.

[DEAVER] Nixon's on the road
to reelection.

We all know that.

But his reputation's taken a huge hit.

People know what he did to Muskie,

what he and Kissinger did
to t*nk the peace talks in ' .

That didn't play too well in California.

Yeah, that was a tough call in ' .

Not as tough as the one
Ronnie had to make

to book his flight home
after he lost the nomination.

Beloved.

In four years, Ronnie wants to run

a presidential campaign
that's based on...

Yeah, on fair representation
and-and moral integrity

and all bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

You know, with that attitude,
it's a wonder

you haven't racked up
our endorsement yet.

Well, with that kind
of blind confidence,

it's a wonder you haven't been able

to break through in the South.

[BILLIARD BALLS CLATTER]

You know, if I were Reagan,
I would wonder

why someone as charming
and noble as myself

could get crushed in the South

by a supposed liar and cheat like Nixon.

It's no mystery,

at least not to the people
of Pine Bluff.

They put their faith in Nixon,
and in return,

he won the presidency for them,
and now everything he does

looks like
a confirmation of their faith.

So what if he had to get down
in the mud to do it?

Even Christ had to wash
a few dirty feet.

Are you actually comparing d*ck Nixon

to Jesus Christ right now?

No.

Jesus Christ wouldn't make it
through the Republican primary.

[LAUGHS]

[PERSON OVER RADIO]
...their Constitution

and their love of apple pie.

It is difficult to alert this country

and throughout the media

that the conspiracy
is not something small.

It is huge, and it is beyond the realm

of most people's imagination.

The conspiracy
is for the world domination

of the United States.

Down by two in the fourth quarter,

the young star from North Augusta

lines up for a -yarder.

I gotta tell you,
this is a risky one for Wills.

A lot riding on this.
Can he pull this off?

Ooh.

Sorry, sir.

Oh, man.

Oh, sh**t.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

Eagle Eye, the final gophers
have left the hole.

Repeat, we are a go on the hole.

[ENGINE TURNING OVER]

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

Ah, coño.

[GRUNTS]

[ALL EXHALE HEAVILY]

♪ ♪

sh*t.

- What?
- [WHISPERING] Quiet.

The transceivers, they're back at HQ.

Liddy wanted fresh batteries.

I told him the batteries
were already fresh.

- f*ck me!
- Quiet!

[SIGHS]

Eagle Eye, this is Carrion Falcon.

We are earless.

Repeat, we are without ears. Over.

Cleared to retrieve. Over.

But make it quick. Over.

Oh, sh*t, get out of here.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

sh*t, sh*t,

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

- [CAR HORN BLARES]
- [DRIVER] Watch it, assh*le!

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Hey, man.

Hey, you can't be putting tape
on the door like this.

It's against code or something.

Pardon me, sir?
Hawkins Deli is already closed.

Do you know if there's
another place open?

Sorry, man,
it's my first night on the job.

- All right, thanks anyway.
- [FRANK] Mm-hmm.

Hey, wait up.

Um...

...I just remembered
there's a burger joint

down the street from here.

Come on, I'll take you to it.

Like the wind, man, go!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

You can always put on
another jacket, but, like,

if it's hot, you can only
take off so many layers, so...

Yeah, well, I mean, but see,
in Atlanta, you can...

- sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
- [CAR HORN BLARES]

♪ ♪

Clay Pigeon, this is Carrion Falcon.

Something's wrong
with the door down here.

Requesting immediate assistance. Over.

Help me. Over.

What the f*ck?

Something's wrong with the f*cking door.

Get Road Runner down there immediately.

Copy.

Road Runner is on his way.

I repeat, Road Runner's
on his way. Over.

All right, let me do a patty melt,

add Swiss cheese, and let me
get some extra mushrooms.

Sorry, buddy, ran out of mushrooms.

Y'all ran outta mushrooms?

Look, pal, it's a mushroom town.

What can I tell you?

Venga, cabrón. Vamos.

♪ ♪

Oh, whoa.

[MARTINEZ] Venga.

My strength is leaving me.

Rápido, rápido.

Copy.

What the hell?

The lock's all worn to sh*t.

Gonzalez figured this'd be easier.

[MCCORD] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[MARTINEZ] Venga. Rápido, rápido.

Vamos.

- Take it easy.
- Put it back on.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[FRANK] Yeah, well,
you have a good night.

- Yeah, you too, man.
- Yes, sir.

[WHISTLING]

♪ ♪

"Even between the closest human beings,

"infinite distances continue.

"A wonderful living
side by side can grow

if they succeed in loving
the distance between them."

It's Rilke.

Yes, we had books in Queens too.

John Newton Mitchell, I didn't know
you were such a romantic.

How do you know I'm not
just trying to get inside

those Pine Bluff panties,
my little jacket potato?

[LAUGHS]

What's your angle here?

I was thinking about what we
were talking about on the plane.

About holding on to a good thing.

And this is a good thing.

I like what they're doing
out here for Reagan.

And I was thinking that...

after the campaign,

maybe there'd be a place for us
out here in California.

You want to move across the country
and work for Reagan?

The two of us are unstoppable.

But I was never the one
driving that train.

It was always you.

Lord, look who sounds drunk now.

Come here, let me sober you up.

- Poetry.
- Mm.

[EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]

[DOG BARKING OVER TV]

[LIDDY] Sparrow, come in.

Looks like someone
just pulled up out front.

Can you make them out
from your vantage? Over.

Just some hippies, sir.
Nothing to worry about. Over.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[LIDDY] What's your status,
Carrion Falcon? Over.

Wrapping up in here. Over.

Hey, guys, building's closed.
You can't come in here.

[SHOFFLER] You're the one who
called the cops, aren't you?

Yeah, I mean...

[SHOFFLER] Relax, Mr. Tibbs.

We were on vice detail
when we got the call.

Maybe tell us what the hell's going on
so we can get back to it.

Okay, uh, I found a piece of tape

on the parking garage door.

- Tape?
- Over the door latch,

like somebody was keeping it open.

I thought it was a mistake the first
time, and then it happened again,

and I found another piece
on the sixth floor.

- Hmm.
- Okay, uh, not to worry.

We'll take it from here.

Oh, um, you guys gonna
head up there now?

I can come with you, you know,
be your backup if you need.

Uh, that's all right. We're good.

Uh, you stay down here and, uh...

Watch our perimeter.

That's right, watch our six, Officer.

[LAUGHTER]

♪ ♪

[PERSON SHUSHING]

Walkies off.

[MUFFLED SPEECH]

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

Hide, hide. Andale, andale.

♪ ♪

[TOILET FLUSHING]

Eagle Eye, were any of our guys

by chance wearing a sport coat? Over.

Our men are in suits.

Did you mean suit jacket, Sparrow? Over.

Maybe it's a windbreaker.

What is a windbreaker again? Over.

A windbreaker is the lighter version

of what we typically refer to
as a jacket. Over.

[BALDWIN] I thought
that was a parka. Over.

No, no, no, a parka is a...

It's-it's a whole different thing.

It's much longer,
like a-a trench coat or a...

- Yeah, it's a duster.
- [LIDDY] Duster.

Think, uh, Gary Cooper in Shane.

Over.

Duster.

Mother of sh*t.

Eagle Eye, the hippies are armed.

The f*cking hippies are armed.

Wait, wait, wait. What's that, Sparrow?

Armed pursuants on the sixth floor.

They're headed for the gopher hole.

Mayday! Mayday!

[HUNT] Ah, ah!

Carrion Falcon, did you hear that?

You got company on your six.
Abort mission.

I repeat, abort mission.
Please acknowledge. Over.

f*ck, their walkies must be off.

What's happening over there?

How the f*ck did you miss those guys?

It was a g*dd*mn hippie in a sport coat.

- What was I supposed to do?
- You said windbreaker.

Hippies don't wear windbreakers.

Doesn't f*cking matter!

[BALDWIN] I'm gonna pack up my sh*t.

- I'll meet you in the lobby.
- Get the f*cking sh*t out now.

[LIDDY] Grab the equipment.

Swear to God, how do you
f*cking miss that sh*t?

[SIRENS WAILING]

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

♪ ♪

- f*cking God damn it.
- Damn it.

Help him. Help him. Get...

Don't leave any f*cking papers.

I got no f*cking fingernails. God.

[LIDDY] Jump in.

[ENGINE TURNING OVER]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[CAR HORN BLARES]

[SHOFFLER] All right,
we know you're in here.

You, get up. Stand up.

Let me see your hands.
Slowly, slowly, slowly.

[MCCORD] Don't sh**t.

Don't sh**t.

Are you guys cops?

What the f*ck does it look like?

May I see your badge?

[MARTHA] You're horrible.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, God, I'm trying to get to the bench.

- Oh, ooh!
- [MITCHELL LAUGHS]

[MITCHELL MUTTERING]

- Sir.
- Oh, heavens.

Sorry to bother you.

There's a phone call for you.
It's-it's Mr. Dean.

- He says it's urgent.
- Patch him through.

I don't like the new bodyguard.

[MITCHELL] Well, you never
like the new bodyguard.

I had a good time tonight.

Me too.

All right, take your call.
I'll go check on Marty.

[GROWLS PLAYFULLY]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[KATARINA SNORING]

[FOOTSTEPS CLOMPING]

Somebody's playing possum.

[LAUGHS]

[MARTY] You seem happy.

I am happy.

[MARTY] Daddy bought it for me
at the airport.

People say it's scary.

- It's pretty boring so far.
- [MARTHA] Hmm.

Well, let me know how it turns out.

She snores.

[CHUCKLES]

Mitchell.

[DEAN] Hello, sir.

I'm-I'm sorry to disturb you
on vacation.

How is it down there? Or up there?

Where is California
in relation to the Philippines

latitude-wise? I don't know.

It's just, I've had some
disturbing news from Jeb, sir.

For Christ, f*ck.

It seems there was
a mix-up at the Watergate.

A security guard, uh, bust
the whole operation, Jeb says.

Bust it wide open.

Apparently, a-a-a door
was-was taped incorrectly.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

It was-it was difficult to
make out the details exactly.

Jeb was crying when he told me.
He was actually crying, sir.

- f*cking Christ on the cross.
- [DEAN] I'm sorry, sir.

This is the first
I'm hearing about all this.

- Was Liddy arrested too?
- Well, no, uh, Liddy got away,

Jeb says, as did Hunt and Baldwin.

[SIGHS] Thank the sh*t Christ.

So there's no direct ties
to the campaign.

Well-well, here's the thing, sir.

Uh, McCord did not get away.

Liddy let McCord go in there?

Yes, sir.

I specifically said
I want no one with ties

to the campaign on-site.

Well, apparently we're short on Cubans.

[MITCHELL] All right, get
the f*ck back to D.C. tonight.

You hear me?

The next hours are gonna be crucial.

We'll have to go low and slow.
Let's not make any big moves.

I-I understand, sir.

Only I was hoping to stop in LA.

We'll regroup the whole team
when we get in.

I'll get Jeb to write up a containment.

Sir, uh, before you go, sir,

uh, one more thing.

I-I don't know how to put this.

Uh, Jeb and I were wondering
about your wife.

What about her?

[DEAN] Well, you know, I'd-I'd never go
on the record with this, sir,

but McCord did work in your home.

You really think that
when Martha sees his face

in the newspaper, she won't call

one of her journalist friends?

You said it yourself, sir,

the next hours are gonna be crucial.

Listen, Dean, I know you're trying to be

a good little farmhand,
but you're gonna have to get

your d*ck out of
the butter churn on this one.

You got it?

Yes-yes, sir.

Won't happen again, sir.

What's going on?

You gotta promise you'll tell no one.

I promise.

Dean got himself caught up

in a raid on a Filipino brothel.

He's being forced out of the country.

- You're kidding.
- You didn't hear it from me.

[GASPS]

I knew he was an operator
the moment I laid eyes on him.

Oh, his sweet little girlfriend.

She'll be mortified.

Hmm.

This is what happens when
there's no trust between two people.

Now, where were we?

[CHUCKLES]

- Oh, yeah.
- Follow me.

Well, well, well,

Mr. Eye For Detail.

[LAUGHTER]

You really saved the day here.

Well, I'm just glad
I could represent myself

on behalf of the building.

The big bosses, uh,
have approved a small token

of their appreciation
for your heroic actions

during the course of the break-in.

- What's this?
- [ANDERSON] It's a raise.

Two fifty?

Every week.

I appreciate it.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

Mitchell?

[COUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Honeybun? Where are you?

Mitchell?

Marty?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Peter, you scared me.

Sorry, ma'am, I was just
getting some breakfast.

Where is everyone?

Oh, your daughter went
to Disneyland with Katarina.

Yes, of course.

And my husband?

Mr. Mitchell had to fly to Washington

for an urgent business meeting.

His instructions
were to have you stay here.

Oh.

I think I'll just, uh...

...give his office a call,
make sure everything's all right.

All right, Peter, seriously,
what is going on?

Where is everyone?

As I said, your husband
had an urgent meeting...

Okay, well, stop saying that
and just tell me.

Okay, there's no need to get hysterical.

Why don't you just go back
to your room and relax?

This is ridiculous.
I am calling my husband.

[GASPS]

You are not in charge here.

- Do you understand me?
- Mm-hmm.

Good.

Your husband's a very busy man,

and he doesn't have time
right now to take your call.

Okay.

[DARK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[PETER] Here.

A little light reading.

Good girl.

♪ ♪

To your right.

To your left.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, SIREN WAILING]

[OPERATOR] I'm sorry, sir.
Your party's not answering.

Would you like to try another number?

[SOMBER ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

So am I your date tonight?

Okay, Sandra, you are my date

to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

♪ ♪

[HUNT] Should be the last of it.

I saw this in a dream, Howard.

These flames consuming
our best-laid plans.

It's all our fault.

We made too many mistakes,

too many assumptions.

The tide of our ideals

dashed against reality's rocky shore.

How could we have been so foolish

as to not see it coming?

[HUNT] See what coming, Gordon?

Retribution.

♪ ♪