04x04 - Troubled Waters

[bunniefuu]

No, no, no. No comment at all.

And you will
probably be invited...

to the captain's table
before the cruise is...

Excuse me, Captain?
Captain.

I'm the purser, sir.
Preston Watkins.

Are you, uh, making
the cruise with us, Mr...

Columbo. Yes, I am.

I heard the horn. I can't find
my wife. I think she's aboard.

She's about this tall,
she's got black hair...

and then wearing it up today,
it's like in a bun.

We have got passengers embarking, sir.

Yeah, I can see it's a big boat. Ship.

Ship, yeah.

What seems to be the
problem, then, Watkins?

Mr. Columbo here
has lost his wife, sir.

Oh, now,
I'm Capt. Gibbon.

Welcome aboard
The Sea Palace.

Well, thank you, sir. I was describing
my wife to the purser here...

Mrs. Columbo, sir.

Yes, I would
have thought so.

Uh, look,
I never forget a name...

and I do remember
welcoming your wife...

and I'm sure that she'll be in your
cabin or on the Observation Deck.

Oh, as long as she's aboard
then my problems are over.

Uh, sorry that
I've bothered you. Right.

No, that's quite all right,
Mr. Columbo.

Actually,
it's Lt. Columbo.

Navy man?

No, sir.
Just the LAPD.

Oh, tell me, Lieutenant.

Do you expect inclement
weather in the Mexican waters?

No, they tell me the
weather down there's great...

this time of the year.

Thank you, again.

Oh, Mr. Danziger, it's very
nice to have you aboard again.

Captain, I'd like you
to meet my wife, Sylvia.

Oh, it's a pleasure. And I've
arranged the Grosvenor Suite for you.

I hope you'll find it
accommodating.

I'm sure we will. Good.
Are all my guests aboard?

gentlemen
and their ladies.

I've detailed some of my junior
officers to look after them.

Good. They're all
auto dealers...

and they don't know much
about ships...

so I'd like them to have a
first-rate, topnotch time.

Champagne awaits all your
guests in their cabins.

That's very thoughtful of
you, Captain. Thank you.

Have an enjoyable trip.

I expect to.

Sylvia.

You know where
my golf gloves are?

No, I haven't seen 'em. Oh, I
guess Johnson forgot to pack them.

I told you I have a match on Tuesday
with those dealers from Bakersfield.

You don't have to be
so peevish about it.

You know, civilization
has come to Acapulco.

You can pick up
a pair there.

Darling, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to be cross.

Sometimes you are
like a spoiled little boy.

And you love it,
don't you?

I love you.

Where are you?

What do you mean,
where am I?

I was in C- .

There was a fella in there who
was doing sitting-up exercises.

What do you mean, "What deck
am I on?" I'm on the right deck.

I mean,
I was on the right deck.

It's a wonderful ship,
isn't it?

Listen, how the hell
do I find you?

I've been
all over the boat.

No, I can't
get it straight.

"C" is what, the "C" deck?
Or is that Capri or...

Is the two different,
or the same, what is it?

Steer - - .

Steer - - .

Full ahead.

Full ahead, sir.

Good morning, Watkins.

Everything all right, sir?

Uh, no, there's a problem.
There's only one key in my room.

Should be two
on your desk, sir.

Well, the steward
must have made a mistake.

That's no real problem.

I see you have
all Ving locks.

Yes, that's because the ship
was built in Norway, sir.

Oh, I see.

Thank you.

For purposes
of the drill only...

a fire has broken out
in the fo'c'sle paint room.

You have two minutes
to reach your stations.

Excuse me, sir. My station. Mmm-hmm.

Excuse me, sir,
maybe you can help me.

Actually,
it's a little embarrassing.

My wife,
this is hard to believe...

but the cruise just started,
so she's starved already.

But they reserved us for the
second sitting at lunch which is...

well over an hour from now and I thought,
well, maybe they had room service.

Do you know anything
about that?

Well, you go back
to your cabin...

and push the red button
for the steward.

Oh, you know what I thought
that was for?

I thought that was for messages,
you know, like in a hotel.

You see, I've never been
on a boat before.

My wife won this trip.

It was a raffle
for the Holy Name Society.

So, I'm getting the
whole thing for nothing.

I figured, oh, maybe
$ , $ for gratuities...

Push the red button.

Well, thank you, sir,
thank you very much.

Lloyd, will you
cut it out?

I can't take eight days
of looking at that face.

Yeah.

She'll be here.
Okay?

Who?

Rosanna.

I saw her minutes ago
in the arcade.

You know,
it's none of my business...

No, probably not.

She'll hang you
out to dry.

Artie, I don't tell you
how to lead the band, do I?

Do I?

Excuse me, folks.

She'll tear him apart.

Hey, I've been a little worried about you.

Oh?
Yeah.

I mean, after we finished
that gig in Vegas...

What happened?
You just disappeared.

Had somewhere to go.

Yeah, I know.

The way we left it...

I figured we were gonna go to
Tahoe for a couple of days...

just the two of us.

That was your idea.

Well, you give me
the ideas.

But you didn't say no.

Lloyd, you're a nice guy,
okay?

Okay.

Just let it be.

We had a nice time,
had fun...

no big deal.

Just leave it alone, huh?

I don't wanna
leave it alone, babe.

Will you get off my back?

How do I have to tell you?
It's over and it's through.

I don't want you
around me anymore.

Now is that clear enough?

All right, great.

I'll get off your back,
if that's what you want!

I'll do anything for you,
as a matter of fact.

If you happen to fall overboard,
I'll throw you an anchor!

What are you doing here?

Well, I thought
you'd be pleased to see me.

I suppose your wife knows you're here?

No? Should I call her and invite her down.

Please do.

We could have a little chat,
the three of us.

This time,
identify yourself.

She's been getting these
mysterious phone calls...

ever since our last weekend in Las Vegas.

Has she?

You're sticking it
to the wrong guy.

I've spent years
building up my business...

and no smart little broad from
Pittsburgh is gonna take it away from me.

This one is.

And you're hurting me.

Where's the money, Hayden?

You'll get it before we dock in Mazatlàn.

After I'm sure you haven't
told anyone about us.

Trust me.

That was
my first mistake.

Oh, use your head.

If anybody else knew I wouldn't
have anything to sell, now, would I?

Hayden, how about
a drink?

These margaritas
are muy bueno.

Too early in the day.
You having a good time?

Fantastic. I may never
go back to El Centro.

Help me,
please!

Give me a hand.

What happened?
Is he all right?

Get a doctor.
Pull him out!

Get the doctor, quick.

Hurry.

How am I?

Your pressure's
a wee bit high...

and the heartbeat's
a little choppy.

It's likely you suffered
a slight heart att*ck, sir.

Heart att*ck?
Are you crazy?

Melissa, prepare a bed
for Mr. Danziger. No.

No, it's just a precaution,
you understand, sir.

Listen, I've got
a lot of guests...

It's all right, just take it easy,
sir. That's right, just lie there.

That's fine, sir,
that's fine.

Feels like I've been kicked by a mule.

I want you to check Mr. Danziger's
pulse and blood pressure...

every minutes.

And give him another tranquilizer at : .

Yes, Doctor.
Thank you.

Am I the only patient here?

Mmm-hmm.

We usually don't have anyone
until the return.

That's when some of the passengers
suffer Montezuma's revenge.

If you need me,
just press the buzzer.

I'm across the corridor.

Mr. Danziger?

It's time
to take your pill.

Feeling better?

A little.

It's scary.

Think I'll live?

Yes, I think you'll live.

Your life signs are
all very normal.

I hope I'll feel better
in the morning.

I'll be back at :
for another check, okay?

Volare

Oh oh

Cantare

Oh oh oh oh

Let's fly way up
to the clouds

Volare

Oh oh

Cantare

Oh oh oh oh

Volare

Oh oh

Cantare

Oh oh oh oh

Let's fly away
to the clouds

Away from
the maddening crowds

No wonder
my happy heart sings

Your love
has given me wings

Volare with me

Well, thank you,
ladies and gentlemen...

a wonderful artist
and a beautiful lady.

Let's really hear it
for Rosanna Wells.

Ladies and gentlemen,
while you're in the mood...

for applause like that...

what about our wonderful
orchestra right here on the stage?

The Artie Podell Combo.

We'd like to remind you
that you can catch us...

upstairs in
the Starlight Lounge...

after a -minute
intermission.

And now I would like
to introduce Capt. Gibbon...

who has a few words to say
and a few prizes to give away.

Thank you.

Rosanna.

I have to change, Lloyd.

Yeah, I know,
so do I.

For the last time,
will you leave me alone?

I just want to apologize.

Where's Rosanna?

Where's Rosanna?

All right, .

.

Rosanna?

Mr. Danziger?

How are you feeling?

I'm a little drowsy.

I'm sorry.

Oh, not again.

Yes, again.

I was just dozing off.

Lt. Columbo, the captain would
like to see you right away.

The captain?

See me?

Well, it's not about my
wife, is it? I mean...

She likes to have a good time,
sometimes she gets carried away.

It's not about
your wife, sir.

Give me a moment.

This is terrible.

Isn't that the singer?

Lt. Columbo, this is Frank
Pierce, the ship's doctor...

and Mr. Podell,
one of our musicians.

She hadn't returned to the
bandstand after the intermission.

So, Mr. Podell came
looking for her.

When was that?

, minutes ago.

Body's still warm.

She left the bandstand
about : .

Someone must have
followed her to the cabin.

Well, the room should
be sealed.

Nothing should be touched.

Well, that's all very fine, Lieutenant,
but we're nowhere near a port.

We can't just leave
the body here.

That's right, we are at sea. I'd forgotten.

The problem, sir, is we
have a m*rder on our hands.

We have no lab technicians,
we have no print men.

Um, Doctor,
do you have paraffin?

I'm afraid not.

No.

Diacetylene?

No, sir.

No, huh?

Well, maybe we ought to have at least
a photo of the body before it's removed.

One of the photographers that I see
around the boat snapping pictures...

It's a ship, Lieutenant.

And I'd prefer we keep this
as confidential as possible.

After all, the passengers
are on holiday.

Yes, sir,
I understand your concern...

but we have to
have photographs.

I could always get
Forbes, sir.

He's a very
discreet chap.

Do that, will you?
Forbes.

Excuse me.

False alarm.

I thought you detectives were
hardened to all this sort of thing.

No, it's not that, sir, I'm
all right. It's just, uh...

I'll be fine.

Captain, it is all right
if I get back to my group?

Is that all right,
Lieutenant?

Yes, that's all right.

One thing, excuse me.

Your musicians, they were all on
a break when this thing happened?

We always break
just after : .

But you can't suspect
one of my band.

No, sir. Um...

It would just seem that whoever did
this might know the ship's routine...

when the band breaks.

I presume you'll say nothing about
this for the moment, Mr. Podell?

Of course, sir.

Did you notice
the lipstick?

The lipstick?

Oh, yes,
I saw the lipstick.

Looks like
the letter "L."

Well, what do you know?

Burglary sure wasn't
the motive.

Doctor,
where is the hospital?

The Riviera Deck.

You sure you're feeling
all right, Lieutenant?

No, sir,
I can't say that I am.

I think I'll take your purser's
advice and drop by the hospital.

Yes, please go ahead. The
nurse will take care of you.

Thank you.

Use the lift.
Might be easier.

No, sir, I think I'll walk. An
elevator's another one of my problems.

Yes, may I help you?

I hope so, ma'am.

I'm feeling a little rubbery. The
purser said you'd have something.

Ah, yes,
come in this way.

Just have a seat.

The same thing happened to me last year.

My wife and I, we checked into
this motel with a waterbed.

I thought
I was gonna die.

Here, drink this.

Go ahead, drink it.

All the way,
don't sip it.

What is that stuff?

Just rest and relax
for a minute.

Don't worry, I couldn't move if I had to.

Okay, these are Dramamine.

Wait for half an hour,
take one.

And then one
every hours, okay?

Do you stay here
all the time?

I mean,
when you're on duty.

Well, Dr. Pierce and I
are on -hour call.

But, of course, there's always one of us
here at all times for the patient in sick bay.

Oh, there's a patient
in there now?

Mmm-hmm.

It's the gentleman that suffered
the heart att*ck in the pool today.

Ah, yes,
I heard about that.

Melissa?

Melissa, would you come here,
please? Quickly.

Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't
realize anybody was in here.

Who are you? What's going on out there?

I'm sorry, sir, I didn't
mean to disturb you.

Lt. Columbo, LAPD.
I think we met this afternoon.

They got a police officer
on board a ship?

Oh, no, sir, I'm just here on a vacation.

You see, my wife, she's got this
incredible luck. I think I told you.

She won the whole trip on a
raffle... Lieutenant, please.

Mr. Danziger is
a sick man.

Terribly sorry.

I hope you're
feeling better, sir.

That's a heart patient
in there, Lieutenant.

Yes, the nurse
mentioned it.

I'm sorry,
I didn't realize.

Melissa, I want you to check Mr.
Danziger's pulse and pressure one more time,

and then see if we can get
him back to sleep, will you?

Yes.

There's the b*llet,
Lieutenant.

Oh, very good.

Looks like a. caliber.

Say, you wouldn't have a
magnifying glass, would you?

No, I'm afraid not.
Perhaps the captain has one.

Getting sh*t right through
the heart the way she did...

would you say that her death
was instantaneous?

Yes, I would say so.

That's what
I would have said.

No bruises on the body?

No bruises.

What's puzzling you,
Lieutenant?

Well, that lipstick, you know,
that she wrote the "L" with?

If her death
were instantaneous...

If she had it
in her hand...

maybe a second or two.

Otherwise, how did it
get there?

That's a very good point,
Doctor.

So I guess we should be
looking for someone...

with the initial "L"
who knew the girl.

I've talked to
my home office.

I'm doing the right thing,
keeping it quiet.

The passengers do come first, naturally.

Quite so, sir. At least
until we reach Mazatlàn...

the day after tomorrow.

Sir, I'm just a passenger here and
I don't want to be out of line...

but we've got
a m*rder*r aboard...

and the ship ought
to be searched immediately.

We can't search all the guests
to see if they have a g*n.

I was thinking more
of the crew, sir.

You know, members of the band.
Someone who would know the girl...

and who would know that she would
be in her cabin during the break.

That's very interesting,
Lieutenant.

Apparently, there is a chap in
the band she's had a row with.

Name of Harrington.

First name is Lloyd.

Lloyd?

That's crazy.

He's a nice guy.

He was just
out of his league.

Your intermission
from : to : ...

is that something
you do every night?

Yes, every night.

And what is that,
some kind of a coffee break?

No, with our cabins
down on the Capri Deck...

it takes us that long
to get down there...

make the change
and get back up here on time.

And there hasn't been a break
since the one at : ?

Not yet.

And everyone came back
on time?

Changed and everything?

All except Rosanna.

We'll want to talk
to Harrington.

Sure, just as soon as
the number's over.

But you're wasting
your time.

I have a search squad
looking about, discreetly.

Very good, sir.

I noticed when I went to the hospital
before that the door was locked.

Is it always that way?

Of course. There are
a lot of dr*gs about.

They open from the inside,
then swing shut and lock.

You seem to be feeling
a bit better, Lieutenant.

Oh, I don't know what that stuff
is, but it sure is terrific.

Ah, Harrington.

This is Lt. Columbo of the
Los Angeles Police Department.

We'd like to talk to you,
privately.

Oh, what about?

A Miss Rosanna Wells.

What about her?

Do you know
where she is?

Well, she was late for the...
In fact, she missed the set.

Artie went down and knocked on her cabin
door, and there was no answer and...

I'm a bit puzzled, actually.

Is there something wrong?

I'm sorry, sir.
She's dead.

She's...
She's dead?

I think we better discuss this
in your cabin.

I must tell you straight off,
Mr. Harrington...

there is reason to suspect
that you may be involved.

I didn't k*ll her!

You did have an argument
with Miss Wells.

Yes, but, so what?

No good. I can't find
any deposits on his hands.

Deposits?
Powder burns, sir.

If he had fired a g*n
only an hour or so ago...

there'd be some residue,
right here.

Unless he wore gloves.

Do you mind
if we search your cabin?

Lieutenant, on the high seas we don't ask.

I order.

My first officer will be here
shortly to supervise the search.

What do you mean,
search my cabin?

What do you expect to find? I
don't even own a pair of gloves.

Now, if I could speak
to you alone...

Wait a minute!

Try to relax, sir. It's
just a routine procedure.

Lieutenant, I don't want to
presume to tell you what to do...

but I think that I must
confine Mr. Harrington...

to his quarters and hold
him for the Mexican police.

Well, sir, we really
don't have any evidence...

you know, just hearsay
about an argument...

and no powder marks
on his hands.

This is a very good
magnifying glass you have here.

But you said yourself,
if he wore gloves...

there wouldn't be
any powder marks.

Yes, sir. If he had planned
it, he would have worn gloves...

and it's beginning to look
very planned. Very much so.

I'll see how
the search squad is doing.

Meanwhile, unless we can clear
Mr. Harrington positively...

I must insist that he
be confined to quarters.

Yes, sir.

Just one more thing, sir. That
is Miss Wells' cabin there, is it?

Yes.
With the guard on it.

I'll see that he keeps an
eye on this cabin as well.

Very good, sir.

You keep an eye on .
Yes, sir.

And for all you skeptics
in the audience...

this is a real
snub-nosed. .

Now, I'm gonna have
my assistant, Stella,

fire this magical b*llet
completely through.

Putting a hole through a
number of cards of this deck...

and breaking this glass
behind me.

Stella?

If you would, please.

Hold my deck of cards.

If you will stand
right over here.

If you will kneel down.

Are you ready, my dear?
Ready.

One...

two...

three.

Would you believe? Right
through the middle of the card.

It took me eight minutes, so
I came down these stairways.

Is there a shorter route
from the International Lounge?

There's the elevator.

Yes, I know
about the elevator...

but at : ,
when the show breaks...

when it's the peak of the
evening and all that activity...

that's six flights up.

Would the elevator or would the
stairs be quicker at that hour?

It's not likely,
you'd have to wait a bit.

Have to wait for the elevator? Hmm.

Is there another route?
No, sir.

Oh, Lieutenant.

We found this receipt in
Harrington's personal papers.

It's for a g*n.

He bought a Number
British Weatherby.

Two weeks ago
in Las Vegas.

The captain will be quite
pleased, don't you think?

Morning, Mr. Danziger.

Good morning.

I'm just looking
for the doctor.

I must say,
you look great.

Glad to see
you're up and about.

Thanks.

I feel a lot better.

Sir, I want to apologize for
the disturbance last night.

I was already disturbed...

when they took
the body by the door.

Well, then you know.

Oh, yeah. You can hear
everything through there.

Do you know, sir,
that the captain...

would like to keep it
from the passengers?

Yes, I understand.

The girl who was sh*t...

she sang with the band,
is that right?

Yes, a Rosanna Wells.

Is it true what I heard, that
someone in the band sh*t her?

Well, someone sh*t her,
I don't know who.

I hope you don't tell any of the
passengers, because the captain...

he is already upset with me this
morning for interviewing the crew.

Lieutenant, I'm curious...

I mean, that you're
investigating her death.

I wouldn't think that you'd
have authority out here.

I don't.

No, I'm just helping out
temporarily.

Oh, I see. Okay.

Well, if there's anything
that I can do.

Well, actually, sir, you can.
I was gonna ask you.

I understand that some of these
people are guests of yours...

here on the cruise.

Some kind of used-car salesmen
or something like that.

You make
used-car salesmen...

sound like
some kind of disease.

No offence intended, no.

It's just that...

Well, a m*rder has been
committed here on the boat...

and the captain has...

unofficially asked me
to look into it...

until we reach Mexico.

And, um...

Well, I just didn't want to disturb
your guests any more than I had to.

You don't think that one
of them sh*t the girl?

I don't know anything
at this point.

But I thought
you could help me out...

as far as your guests
are concerned...

rather than me
bothering them.

Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, that might be best.

Okay, feel free to call on me if
I can be of any help, all right?

Appreciate that, sir.
Thank you very much.

Glad you're feeling better.

Thank you.

In here, sir.

Where?

Do you have a pencil?
Pencil.

The purser found it
in the laundry room.

Just aft
of Miss Wells' cabin.

Just aft of the cabin.

I should have
looked there myself.

Do you mind, sir?

You see, the pencil can ruin the grooves.

And if you disturb
the grooves...

it would make a matchup with
the b*llet very difficult.

Lieutenant, this is
a British Weatherby.

The receipt that we found
in Mr. Harrington's cabin...

Yes, I know, sir,
it was a British Weatherby.

I wanna compliment
your crew.

I hope they didn't put
any prints on the g*n.

I can assure you that none of
my crew placed any prints on it.

You're perfectly welcome
to examine it professionally.

Well, sir, I'm gonna do the best I can...

considering
the circumstances.

Do you have
a piece of paper, sir?

Paper?

Some paper, sir.

Captain, could you get
a mattress up here?

A mattress?

Yes, sir, any kind
of a mattress will do.

Mattress.
A mattress, sir?

Yeah, any mattress
will do.

Ah, Mr. Danziger.
Feeling better, sir?

Fine, thank you.

I don't want
to appear rude, sir...

but could you
excuse us just a moment?

Your purser, Watkins, said that he
wanted to see me on the wheelhouse.

Uh, that was
my idea, sir.

Mr. Danziger is helping me out
with the investigation...

so we don't disturb
any of his guests.

I hope it's all right.

Yes.

Well, I suppose.

We've discovered
the m*rder w*apon.

Well, we're not sure yet.

This is a trick that I learned
in the Hollenbeck Division...

from an old sergeant
when I first started out.

Don't use it
much anymore.

See, the lab guys,
they don't like it.

They claim I'm always
messing up the evidence.

Nope.

There's no prints
on that g*n.

Did you find
the gloves?

No gloves, sir.
Just the g*n.

Perhaps we should search
Mr. Harrington's cabin again.

Oh, no, sir.
You won't find them there.

Nonetheless, see to it,
will you?

Very good, sir.

Lieutenant, I have
the distinct feeling...

that you don't think
Harrington did it.

Well, it's
very confusing, sir.

Why does a man
keep a receipt...

for a g*n that he used
to k*ll somebody with?

Well, maybe he didn't know...

what he was going to do
with it when he bought it.

I doubt that, sir. When people buy
g*ns, they usually have a reason.

Would you place that
outside, please?

May we?

Would you mind?

Mind what?

Mind f*ring the g*n into
the mattress? I hate g*ns.

Besides, I'm a bad sh*t.
I'm liable to miss.

Just hold it
down here.

Get it down there
and just pull the trigger.

I've got the other b*llet
here somewhere.

Well?

Oh, it seems to be the
m*rder w*apon all right.

A ballistics man will be able
to give us a positive reading.

Yes, I'd say
this is the g*n.

I don't understand,
Lieutenant.

You've got the g*n...

a b*llet...

proof of ownership...

and a young man
who felt rejected.

You may be right, sir, but...

It's obvious
the musician sh*t her.

Well, maybe so.

Captain.

If we could just check
the passengers...

like Mr. Danziger here.

Passengers who have made
the cruise previously...

There's no point in
disturbing the passengers...

when we already
have the m*rder*r.

Sir, in all honesty...

I think the passengers
know what happened.

I mean, members of the
crew, members of the band.

Besides, when you removed the
girl's body from her cabin...

you had to travel up
four flights of stairs.

We used the crew stairway.

It's off-limits
to the passengers.

The crew stairway?

Oh!

Of course.

Isn't that stupid of me not to know
that you have a crew stairway...

that runs
throughout the boat?

Ship.

Ship, sir.

Well...

I think
that will be all, sir.

Thank you
for your time, Mr. Danziger.

Have another chance.

Hey, that's pretty good,
Mr. Danziger.

You're really getting
the hang of it.

Try it.

No.

No, you know, that looks
like horseshoes.

And I'm not
very good at horseshoes.

Try it, it's easy.

Come on.

All right,
I'll try one.

Just one.

Here.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

I think
that's gone forever.

Don't worry about it,
they got plenty of them.

You know, I'll tell you, there's
one good thing about this cruise.

What's that?

Your recovery.

It's been remarkable.

I didn't recover
from anything.

I've got a hectic
work schedule...

that changed over
to a tropical cruise.

My system
temporarily rebelled.

You're probably right. My wife
had trouble yesterday, too.

She bounced right back.

Why don't you and the wife
come up to my cabin one evening?

Have a cocktail and relax.

Oh, she'd like that
a lot, sir.

She's very big
on cocktail parties.

Me, I can take them
or leave them.

Something amazed me,
Lieutenant.

I'll be back in a little
while. Take a break. Okay?

Mind if I ask you
something?

No. Go right ahead.

How did you know...

that I was
a passenger before...

without checking
the records?

Oh, that was just
a coincidence, sir.

When I got on board
in Los Angeles...

I heard the captain
call you by name.

Ah.

So I just assumed.

Besides, you look like
you belong on a boat.

You can tell
those things.

Another thing
I'm curious about.

Why are you checking
on previous passengers?

It's the timing
of the m*rder, sir.

Whoever k*lled Miss Wells
must've known...

that she would go to her
cabin during the break.

You see, that would suggest
a member of the crew...

or a member
of the band.

A passenger
wouldn't know that.

Not on the first night
of the cruise.

But a previous passenger would. Ah.

You see?

That's good
thinking, Lieutenant.

Oh, thank you, sir.

That reminds me. There's
something I wanted to ask you.

Among your passengers...

I'd be more comfortable
if we could talk privately.

Is that all right with
you? No problem, fine.

It isn't by chance
I happened to be

The belle of the ball
the toast of Paris

Probably too many years
on the force.

But I always have the feeling
that there's somebody listening...

who shouldn't be.

Come sit over here
Somebody will call

A drink for the lady

A drink for a song

What I was
getting at, sir, is...

do you have any people in your
group whose name begins with "L"?

"L"?

Uh, first or last?

I don't know.

You know,
I'm not sure.

You see, what happened was, the girl...

before she d*ed...

she managed to scrawl the letter
"L" in lipstick on the dresser.

So you could do me a big favor
by checking your people out.

Isn't your suspect's name
Lloyd Harrington?

Yes, sir, and that does
have an "L" in it.

But...

if I can find
a passenger...

who has made
the trip previously...

and whose name
also begins with an "L"...

I'll have myself
another suspect.

Lieutenant, I don't
wish to be rude...

but I know all
of these people personally.

And I resent the implication
it might be one of my dealers.

I may be
all wrong about this, sir.

Let me tell you
what's bothering me.

The g*n was found
in the laundry room...

so whoever did this had to
have a key to the laundry room.

If it was not Harrington...

he had to have a key
to Harrington's room...

and maybe Miss Wells' room.

So the criminal
either had a bunch of keys...

or...

Master key.

Correct.

A master key.

Who has a master key?

Captain, purser...

security, stewards.

It finally hit me.

What hit you?

My brother-in-law.

He's got an auto repair shop in the Valley.

They bring in those wrecks.

A lot of times they don't
have keys. He makes a key.

He's got a tool.

It's called a...

Curtis Clipper.

Right.
I knew you knew that.

Because he told me that auto dealers,
they use these all the time...

to repossess cars,
stuff like that.

That information is correct?

They use it...
Yes, it's correct.

So when I saw all
these auto dealers around...

I said to myself...

"Maybe we ought to be
talking to one of them. "

Lieutenant, isn't that
a little far-fetched?

I mean,
anyone with some ingenuity...

can make a duplicate master,
even Harrington.

Besides, didn't you say that
Harrington's g*n was the m*rder w*apon?

But he denies owning it, sir.

Naturally.

What about the receipt
in his room?

I have to feel that
somebody planted that, sir.

And it could've been
the perpetrator.

Lieutenant, I would say that
falls in the area of speculation.

I don't think so, sir.

No, I looked at those
receipts very carefully.

I have them right here.

Care to sit down?

Saxophone repair...

lead sheets...

piano tuning...

hotel...

restaurant.

All these receipts have
one thing in common...

they represent
tax deductions...

with one single exception.

The receipt for the g*n.

He can't deduct that.

He can deduct all these.

So we know
why he saved these.

I'll tell you, sir,
for the life of me...

I can't understand
why he saved this one.

I see your point.

And, you know, there's
something else that bothers me.

There it is.

There what is?

That's the biggest
garbage dump in the world.

Why didn't he just throw
the g*n overboard?

Lieutenant, I can see you
don't know much about ships.

He didn't have time.

How is that?

Well, the m*rder took place
during an intermission.

That is correct.
Okay.

Now a ship is a much larger
place than people think.

Or maybe...

he left the bandstand...

he made
his costume change...

spent whatever minutes
with the girl...

then he had to rush back to the
bandstand so he wouldn't be late.

Yes, that sounds
very plausible.

So...

he stashed the g*n in the
nearest convenient place.

The laundry room, right?

But why didn't he just open
the porthole in the cabin...

and toss the g*n
in the water?

The portholes are
part of the decor.

They don't open.

They don't?

No way.

Oh!

Well, you know, Mr. Danziger,
that's a very good theory.

That's probably
exactly the way it happened.

You probably...

couldn't tell, but I've
never been on a boat before.

I couldn't tell. No.

Listen, I'm going
to get back to my game.

And when I'm done...

I'll get hopping
on your "L" theory.

Mr. Danziger.

Sir...

about your theory...

And it's very good.

My problem is, I didn't
find any prints on the g*n.

Then he wore gloves.

But if he wore
gloves, sir...

why wouldn't he stash the gloves
with the g*n in the laundry room?

Gloves wouldn't
be evidence.

Oh, on the contrary, sir, if you fire
a g*n and you're wearing gloves...

the outside of the glove
will retain a powder mark.

Well, he might not have
known that.

But that still doesn't answer the
question of what happened to the gloves.

Because he sure didn't bring
them back to the bandstand.

I see.

And he couldn't have
thrown them overboard...

because if he had time to
throw the gloves overboard...

why not the g*n too?

Exactly, sir.

Then there were
no gloves.

No gloves.

Of course not.
Don't you see?

And the g*n was found
in the laundry room.

So Harrington
must've used a towel.

Something like that.

Not gloves.

And he threw them both
into the laundry room...

and nobody paid
any attention to the towel.

That's a very good
thought, sir.

I'll have to think
about that. A towel.

Have a good game, sir.

Thank you.

How do you do?

Doctor...

would you take my pulse and
my blood pressure immediately?

Get the strap, Melissa.

Your pulse has a very
high rate, Lieutenant.

It's over .

Here, sit down, please.

Your pressure's high, too.

What've you been
doing, Lieutenant?

Did Mr. Danziger
have on his swimming trunks...

when he was brought
in here yesterday?

Yes, why?

No clothes up here at all?

Not till this morning.

Excuse me.

Do you always
keep this open?

Well, there's nothing
lethal in there.

Do you know how many pairs
of these you have on board?

Uh, no,
not offhand.

Could you check on that?
I'd appreciate it.

Oh, yes,
of course.

We left port...

with three dozen
surgical gloves...

and we used only the one pair last night.

There are
in here.

There are two dozen more
in the boxes below.

So there's one pair
to be accounted for.

Yes.

I assume your interest in the gloves...

has something
to do with the crime.

Yes, sir.

And you think
the m*rder*r used them?

Could be.

If that's the case...

it's even more evidence
against Harrington.

He's a diabetic,
you know.

Comes by here every day
for his insulin.

I didn't know.

Could I borrow
a pair of these?

Of course,
you may have a pair.

Surgical gloves
are never reused.

Thank you, Doctor.

You've been very helpful.

Oh, Lieutenant.

Your coat.

Somebody's trying
to set me up.

But what I don't get is why
would anyone want to frame me?

What bothers me is the receipt
for the g*n in Las Vegas.

I didn't buy
a g*n in Las Vegas.

I told you that before. I don't
care what the receipt says.

But you were there
at the time.

I checked it out.

All right,
so I was there.

There were a lot
of other people there, too.

We play the lounges
in Vegas a lot.

But I didn't buy a g*n.

You ever get seasick?

No.

These things
saved my life.

Dramamine.

Mr. Harrington...

when you broke up
with Miss Wells...

was there
another man involved?

Yes, I think so.

Do you know his name?

No, she never said.

Hmm.

I see.

Well, frankly,
Lieutenant...

I don't see.

There's a photograph in my
coat pocket. Take a look at it.

It cost me $
in the ship's photo gallery.

Do you recognize
that man?

No. I've never seen him
before in my life.

He took the cruise
six weeks back.

Back on January th.

Yeah, we took that cruise
before we went to Vegas...

but I don't remember
seeing him.

Miss Wells was aboard?

Yeah.

And you don't ever remember
seeing these two together?

No. As a matter of fact, I
didn't see much of her at all.

She had a virus...

and she'd just finish her song and
then spend all her time in the cabin.

She did?

Keep your spirits up, sir.

Wait, Lieutenant...

the man in the photograph...

do you think
he's the one that did it?

Yes.

But don't say anything.

I haven't gotten him yet.

Mrs. Danziger?

Yes?

Lt. Columbo.

I'm working with your husband.
The death of that girl.

He must've told you?
Yes. A dreadful thing.

I was just up at your husband's
luncheon. I didn't see you there.

I'm on a diet.

You certainly
don't look fat to me.

And neither does he.
He looks very trim.

Oh, he's never been sick
a day in his life.

Yeah, until yesterday.

Yes, well, the doctor assured
us that it was nothing serious.

You see that fellow over there
playing the slot machines?

Waste of money.

I've played it times.

I won once right at the
beginning and I never won again.

You can't b*at them.
I don't even try.

You're not a gambler?

No, I prefer
more quiet activities.

That's funny, I was under the impression...

you and your husband went
off to Las Vegas quite a bit.

Oh, no.

Hayden goes often
without me.

I wouldn't be
caught dead there.

You're a very
broad-minded woman.

Letting your husband
run off from home like that.

Wrong.

You're not broad-minded?

No. I wouldn't want to be.

Not where it counts.
Not about men.

Especially my husband.

You're very frank.

Very shrewd, too.

Aw, go on. You're not shrewd. Mmm-hmm.

I'm on to you.

I beg your pardon?

I'm an older woman
with lots of money.

Most of my friends think
that Hayden married me for it.

So do you.

They're wrong,
and you're wrong, too.

We have something together.

That's why we married.

As long as we have it,
then we'll stay married.

It's very satisfying
feeling like a woman.

Hayden hasn't
disappointed me yet.

If he ever does...

God help him.

Nice talking to you.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, one other thing.

The last time that your
husband went to Las Vegas...

do you remember
when it was?

Last week.
Friday and Saturday.

Is it important?

Just curious. Thank you.

Do you have
a moment?

Yes, certainly.

I'd like to ask you
a sticky question.

Yes, what is it?

I know doctors can be sensitive about this.

Would it be possible for someone
to deliberately fool you...

into thinking
they had a heart att*ck?

Mr. Danziger?

Just hypothetical.

Hypothetically,
anything is possible.

A powerful stimulant
could do it.

A large dose
of amphetamine...

or possibly amyl nitrate.

Amyl nitrate.
What is that?

It's, uh, crystals that
you break under the nostril.

It rushes the blood
to the heart.

They use them
in angina cases.

Amyl nitrate...

That's very possible.

Let me ask you
this, Doctor.

These crystals...

how fast do they work? A couple
of minutes? Something like that?

Oh, no, just a few seconds,
Lieutenant.

I see.

And you say they look
something like capsules?

Mmm-hmm.
Yes, that's right.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

How are you?
Just fine.

There we go.

Now, you were
in this office?

Reading a book.

Where were you sitting?

At the desk.

Were you facing
this way?

No, I was facing the wall,
and my back was to the door.

So you were
facing the wall.

So Mr. Danziger
could have slipped out.

Lieutenant?

Why do you persist in
continuing this investigation?

When we arrive
at Mazatlàn tomorrow...

the proper authorities will have
no difficulty in seeing the obvious.

I'm afraid I must insist that you
stop bothering the Danzigers...

or anyone else.

Captain, one moment,
if you don't mind.

May I have
that chart?

You see this, Captain?

This is...

Mr. Danziger's pulse rate
and blood pressure...

every minutes from the time
that he had his seizure at the pool.

I'm quite aware
what it is, Lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

But would you
notice that...

it's high
at the outset...

and then it steadies out all
afternoon and into the evening...

until : ...

and then it jumps
back up again.

Now would you notice...

the final entry
at : ?

It's back to normal.

Dr. Pierce,
what's this all about?

What's what all about?

Well, this fluctuation.
This pulse fluctuation.

I noticed
the fluctuation.

But since
it returned to normal...

and remained
steady thereafter...

I thought there was
no need for alarm.

But what's the cause?
That's the point.

I'm afraid
I don't know, sir.

I think
it's the result...

the high
pulse rate at : ...

If I may say so, sir.

I think it's the result of Mr. Danziger's
running up the crew stairwell...

all the way from the Capri
level to the hospital level...

and getting back into bed
before the nurse arrived.

That's plausible.

Yes.

But what about the receipt for the g*n...

that we found with
Harrington's name in his cabin?

Now, unless I'm very much mistaken,
one needs identification...

to purchase a handgun.

That is true, sir.

But you don't
need photographs...

and you don't
need fingerprints.

And for a man who deals in documents
as regularly as Mr. Danziger does...

I don't think
that's a very big problem.

Lieutenant, you're
forgetting one thing.

When Mr. Danziger
collapsed by the pool...

the cardiac symptoms
were undeniable.

But these are still wet.

I pulled them
out of the pool filter.

Doctor.

Amyl nitrate?

The doctor tells me that if you
pop these in front of your nose...

and take a deep breath...

your pulse and your blood
pressure is gonna go sky-high.

Excuse me, Mr. Danziger...

can I see you
a moment?

How about at the bar?

Get two Scotch
and water.

Two Scotch and water.
Right there.

Mr. Danziger...

yesterday when you were
in the ward...

did you see that musician,
Harrington, around the hospital?

I don't know
what he looks like.

He's very distinctive.
You can't miss him.

He has a mustache...

he has very bushy eyebrows...

and he's got a lot of
curly, kinky brown hair.

I didn't see him.

That's too bad, sir.
I was hoping we could find...

someone who saw him
with the gloves.

Gloves?

What gloves? I thought we
decided there were no gloves.

No, not really, sir. We just
toyed around with that idea...

and it sounded good
until I checked the hospital.

Hospital?
That's right, sir.

There could be a pair
of surgical gloves missing.

Naturally, I assumed
Mr. Harrington took them.

Hmm.

I see.

And you think he wore
gloves when he k*lled her.

But why surgical gloves? Why
wouldn't just any old gloves do?

There's the funny thing
about that.

I asked my wife.
She didn't pack any gloves.

Now, I'll bet Mrs. Danziger
didn't pack any either.

Neither for herself
nor for you.

We're going on a tropical
cruise. Who packs gloves?

Now, if the musician
did it...

and if he didn't have time
to throw the g*n overboard...

then he didn't have time
to throw the gloves overboard.

But here's my problem.
I can't find the gloves.

I mean, I have searched
every inch of that ship...

from the girl's cabin
to the bandstand.

No gloves.

So I'm right back
where I started.

You're a stickler
for details, Lieutenant.

Look, I hope I'm not
boring you with all this...

but it helps to talk
it out. Not at all. No.

You know,
sometimes my thoughts...

It gets like
a traffic jam up here.

You see, Mr. Harrington did
not leave any prints on the g*n.

That's going to make it very hard
for the prosecutor to prove he did it.

If he gets acquitted, that
doesn't mean the case is closed.

I'll keep working on it.

I mean, speaking
for myself, sir.

I will keep on something
until it's finished.

That's a very
admirable quality.

That's my nature.

I'm sure you're built
the same way.

Well...

That's why
I gotta find the gloves.

I gotta find the gloves with
the powder burns on the outside.

Because when I find them...

that's when I can prove why Mr.
Harrington's prints weren't on the g*n.

I don't know why I'm
bothering you with all this.

It's my problem.
No, sir.

No, it's just that
I didn't want you to think...

I was poking around, asking
questions for no reason.

I understand.

I appreciate that, sir.

Thank you very much
for the drink.

My pleasure.

I have to get back
to my wife.

What's the matter, darling?

You're looking
at your watch.

Nothing, just
checking the time.

This is the captain speaking.

The fire alarm
will ring in a moment.

All members of the crew...

are to reach their stations...

two minutes
after the alarm is sounded.

The passengers need not
interrupt what they are doing.

It is merely a drill
for the crew only.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Fetch the captain.

You wanted
to see me, Lieutenant?

Mr. Danziger.

Yes, sir.

Very happy to see you.

Look at this, sir.

Look what
the captain found.

He found the gloves.

Well, I'm delighted
for you.

Now, if you can find
powder marks on them...

you've got your final proof,
haven't you?

Yes, sir,
I certainly will.

And that will prove that
the whole thing was planned.

Case of premeditated m*rder.

I thought you needed paraffin
to pick up powder marks.

Yes, sir, you do.

But I'm sure...

that on the outside of that right
glove those are powder marks.

Don't get me wrong, sir.

It's not that
that's not important.

It's just that I'm
after something else.

I'll explain it to you
in a moment.

What I'm after is not on
the outside of the glove.

It's on the inside
of the glove.

You see, if the k*ller
had wore leather gloves...

all we could hope for
is powder marks.

But surgical gloves,
they're different.

The texture is different.

But the texture retains...

both fingerprints
and palm prints.

Big as life, sir.

Big as life.

Now, whosever
print that is...

that person sh*t
and k*lled Rosanna Wells.

But that print...

is not
Mr. Harrington's print.

No, sir.

I have a set
of Mr. Harrington's prints.

I took the liberty of
getting them this morning.

No, they don't match.

Mr. Danziger...

would you place the index
finger of your right hand...

in that graphite...

and I think, maybe, we can wrap
this whole thing up very quickly?

It is my print.

Lieutenant,
suppose I told you...

that I deliberately placed
those gloves in the fire hose.

You, sir?

Why in the world would
you do a thing like that?

Yes, sir, why would you
do a thing like that?

But there were powder
marks on those gloves.

Doesn't that mean that they
were used when a g*n was fired?

Yes, sir, it does.

That would mean that you would
have had to have found a g*n...

gone someplace where a
sh*t couldn't be heard...

fired the g*n...

taken the gloves and hid
them under a fire hose.

For what reason?

How did you find out?

Now, this feather, sir...

I found it in the corridor
of the hospital.

That could've come from any
pillow in a hospital room.

No, sir, they don't use
feathers in pillows in hospitals.

They cause allergies.

All the pillows in the hospital
were made of foam rubber.

I'll tell you
about this feather.

When you fired the g*n
through the pillow...

this feather stuck to some
portion of your body...

and it dropped off when you
walked back to the hospital.

The police launch is
coming alongside, sir.

Escort Mr. Danziger
to the lower deck.

Yes, sir.

Hand him over
to the officer in charge.

Very good, sir.

Excuse me, Purser.
Have you seen my wife?

As a matter of fact,
she's looking for you.

She's looking for me?

How do you like that?

I'm running all over the
ship, I'm looking for her.

Um, Lieutenant...

uh, isn't that your wife
getting into the launch?

Do I still have time
to catch that ship?

Yes, you can.
And, Lieutenant...

that's a boat.

Oh, that's...

And...

To hell with it.