01x14 - The Body

[bunniefuu]

(Tessa) In the time of the romance
man battle in arenas

to prove their strengh and valor.

Winning, met life, defeat,

death.

Now they battle in gymnasiums

for letters on their jackets
and cheerleaders on their laps.

(Chanting)
Body! Body! Body! Body!

(Thuds)

(Man)
♪ I got the gold in my hand

The body cannot be beaten!

(Cheering)

The body cannot be b*at!

(Cheering continues)

♪ That's good enough for you

We could cure cancer
or win the Nobel Prize,

and no one would
celebrate us like that.

Body! Body! Body! Body! Body!

I love you, body!

(Chanting) Body! Body! Body!

Body! Body! Body! Body!

They never carried Salinger
down the hallway!

(Boy) Whoo!

Body! Body! Body!

No.

I can't have a roll?
A roll?

You'll spoil
Ryan's victory dinner.

Ryan has a victory dinner,
like, every other night.

That's because
he's a winner.

Winners are different.

They're not like you...
and me.

Uh-huh.
So what are we having?

Ryan's favorite...
Venison marinara.

(Chuckles) I swear, that boy
will eat anything marinara.

He really will. (Laughing)

(Chanting) Body!

Body! Body! Body! Body!

Did you guys wait
for me to eat?

- (Chuckles) Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.

The guys carried me out
for burgers,

- so I had burgers. (Chuckles)
- Yeah.

(Boys chanting) Body!

Body! Body! Body!

That's the nice
thing about deer meat.

- Body! Body!
- It reheats beautifully.

I wouldn't call
this helping.

You said
you were gonna help.

I wanted to help,
but that looks heavy

and smells gross,
and I'm a girl.

Really? You're gonna play
the girl card?

Shame on you, Tessa.

I feel no shame.
Carry your own dirt.

(Grunts) Hey, careful!
Careful...

Of my flower.

You almost trampled
my flower.

- Your flower?
- Yeah.

It's the first thing
to blossom in my garden,

and I'm nurturing it.

You tender, tender soul.

(Fred and Sheila, chanting)
Body! Body! Body!

Body! Body!

B-body.
(Panting) Body. Body.

Ohh.
Body.

Body.
Body.

Body.
Body.

Body!
Body. Ohh.

(Clears throat and coughs)

(Panting)
Dominate at school, champ.

I will, mom.

(Chuckles)

You have an amazing body.

Thanks, dad.

(Starts engine)

(Panting, speaks inaudibly)
(Panting)

(Sighs)
(Whispers) Bye-bye.

You know, you could be a little
livelier with my send-offs.

Oh?

(Chanting)
Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!

Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!

- Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!
- That's what I'm talking about.

(Alih Jay) ♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ da-da-da-da,
da, da, da, da ♪

I don't know.
They're already pretty white.

Not white enough. I need
to freshen up my curb appeal.

I'm back on the market.

Okay.

Uh, so...
(Clatters)

What, you're thinking, um...
(Clicks tongue)

Picket fence white?

Crazy for cotton balls?

How about that one?

Supremacy white.

Yeah,
I wouldn't recommend that.

Very few people who can
pull off supremacy white.

Let's just say I want to be
the whitest white

you can legally make me.

I can't help but feel like
you're rushing into this.

You're making
a lot of crazy decisions...

(Strained voice) And you're not
thinking about the consequences.

Oh, really?

And what kind of crazy decisions
might you be referring to?

My decision
to divorce Steven?

Absolutely not. (Chuckles)

(Chuckles) Okay.

That's none of my business.

I'm just saying that

your gums have been
through a lot,

and they're sensitive.
They're exposed.

They're single
for the first time in years,

and they're acting
a little desperate.

Thank you for fitting me
in today, Dr. Werner,

but I am gonna take

my single, desperate gums
elsewhere.

k*ll it.

Whoa. Hello, Sheila.

(Chuckles)
Didn't hear you coming.

It's my new gardening clogs.
They're super stealthy,

but they do smell bad
after the rain.

Good to know.

Dig it out by its roots.
It's weak.

It sets a bad precedent
for the others.

(Metal clanks)

(Chuckles) Hey, why don't we each
tend to our own gardens, okay?

Have you seen my roses
across the street, George?

They're winners,
each one perfect, and why?

Because I deadhead
the losers.

I don't do it because it's fun,
although it is.

I do it so I can make
the whole garden shine.

Well, I have
a different approach.

I tend to think
anything can flower

with a little encouragement.

(Laughs) Sometimes I wonder
about you, George.

I really do wonder.

Ohh.

Likewise.

Having grown up in the city...
(Grunts)

I was at a distinct
disadvantage. (Grunts)

We didn't play outside.
(Grunts)

The park was somewhere you went
to buy weed,

and the tall buildings blocked
out all the sunlight.

In sixth grade,

two of the girls in my class
had rickets.

(Woman over p.A.)
Tessa Altman, please report

to Mr. Wolfe's office.
(Blows whistle)

Me?

(Pants) Oh. Okay.

Tessa, you're failing.

What? That's not possible.
I'm smart.

What class?

Gym class.

That's not a class.
(Chuckles)

Of course it is a class.

If it weren't a class,
you wouldn't be failing,

which I assure you,
you are.

So what I'm hearing is,
this isn't about A.P. English.

Tessa, this "F" will bring
down your G.P.A.,

so you might want to get real
about your future.

Shall we chat trade schools?

(School bell rings)

(Scoffs)

The fact that
Phys Ed can drop a deuce

on my academic record
is preposterous.

All this school cares about
is sports. They are obsessed.

And why? Sports don't matter
at all in the real world.

Actually, it's a multibillion-dollar industry.
(Tray clatters)

(Amplified voice)
Students, students.

By now many of you have no doubt
heard about the scandal.

He's sleeping
with chef Alan.

That is not the scandal
to which I was referring,

but, yes, I am,

and I love him...

A lot.

Ariel,
our student body president,

has stepped down this morning
due to unexpected fatness.

We'll be holding
a special election

for a new class president.

Is Dalia running?

Makes sense.

The only criteria for being
on the student body

seems to be
having a good body.

(Amplified voice) Hey, you guys.

As you all know,
Kenzie and Kaitlyn are mad fit.

Their bodies are tight,
and so is their platform.

(Amplified voice) Hey, you guys.
I'm Kenzie. She's Kaitlyn.

(Amplified voice) Hey. You guys,
there's a lot of fat kids,

and sports is
what makes them unfat.

(Imitates Dalia)
There are a lot of smart kids

that would argue
that "unfat" isn't a word.

That's why we propose doubling
the current gym requirement...

To double what it is now.

What?

(Chuckles) They're talking
about cutting academics

so we can chase a ball
around?

Thin twins for the win!
(Chuckles)

Vote for them, you guys.
I mean it.

Okay. Thank you, ladies.

Now if anyone wants to oppose
the thin twin ticket,

- see me and...
- I oppose.

I oppose everything
they stand for.

What are you saying, Tessa,

that you want to run
for student body president?

- That's... exactly what I'm saying.
- (Dalia) Oh, my God.

She cannot run
for student body president.

She wears layers. I mean,
you can't even see her body.

My body may not have been
the body,

but it was up for a fight,

and sometimes,
as Ryan Shay was learning,

the scrappy ones
will surprise you.

(Crowd shouting indistinctly)

(Bones crunch)

Aah!

(Whistle blows)
Ohh.

Aah!

(Cheering)

(Crying,
speaks indistinctly)

Oh, Sheila.

I can't tell you
how shocked

Jill and I were
to hear the news.

Jill likes to feel in private,
so she's home.

Me... I'll feel anywhere.
(Clicks tongue)

Can I see the body?

We're not doing that.

We want people to remember Ryan
like he was. (Chuckles)

- (Whispers) Perfect.
- Mm.

Hi.

(Bell tinkles)

Excuse me.

So... you went ahead
and did it, huh?

Back-alley bleaching.
Is that what I'm looking at?!

You bit the trays.
You hit the strips.

You betcha,
and I'm glad I did.

You may not agree
with my decision,

but it's my decision,
not yours.

Oh, why don't you come out
and say it, Noah?

You're on his side.

We were all at brunch
a month ago.

The four of us shared
two desserts.

I like doing that.

You get to taste
a little bit of each one.

Well, Steven was tasting
a lot more than dessert.

I love you dearly, Noah,
but this isn't about you.

Steven and I are over,

so update my file
and move on.

What did she bring?

(Whispers) Trouble.

And ambrosia!

Hey. What's going on?

I-I actually just stopped by
to borrow your rake.

What happened?

It's Ryan, our favorite rake.

Of course, I'm using the British
regency-era definition...

It's not
the time to showboat, Fred.

I thought Ryan just tore
his A.C.L.

You know what, Sheila?
This is your big chance.

I know how
you love perfection,

but, look,
not everything in life

is perfect, right?

(Sighs)

You can't deadhead
your own son.

(Scoffs in high-pitched voice)

(Indistinct conversations)

(Amplified voice)
Candidates, if you are ready,

we will begin the first
of one of our debates.

- ?
- Mm-hmm.

First question
for the candidates...

"Why you so fly, though?"

Kenzie, Kaitlyn, you guys
will be answering first.

(Chairs scrape floor)

Thanks, Mr. Wolfe.

We wrote
a song for Ryan Shay...

And we hope it will get
you up out of your chair

and dancing to it in no time.

(Clicks)

♪

(Both) ♪ Your body

♪ was the body

(voices breaking)
♪ till your body

♪ hit the floor

♪ now your body

♪ is no body

♪ but we know

♪ you'll wrestle more

♪ and more

♪ and more

♪ and more and more

♪ and more and more and more
and more and more! ♪

(Cheering)

Whoo! Thanks, everyone.

Tessa, rebuttal?

(Chair scrapes floor)

What makes a hero?

(Booing)

Oh, thank you
for the support.

(Clears throat)

I know you all think
Ryan's a hero,

but what about...

Evan?

Does anybody care

that Evan got a perfect score
on his P.S.A.T.s?

No one wrote a song
about that...

(High-pitched voice)
Except me.

(Under breath ) Mnh.
She's going off book.

(Off-key) ♪ Evan

♪ math and vocab

♪ are like heaven

♪ to Evan

(imitates synthesizer warbling)

Is there a bridge?

There is too much emphasis
on stupid sports

and stupid people.

Ryan's not a hero.
He got hurt while wrestling.

Wrestling is dumb.

Academics are the opposite
of dumb.

If you elect me, I promise,
I will not let

physical education eclipse
actual education.

I propose we make gym
an elective,

and I'm just asking

that you think about it.

(Claps)

More sugar snap peas, honey?

Sorry. Are you...
Are you talking to me?

(Chuckles)
Of course I am, silly.

Do you want
some more sugar snap peas?

I noticed you finished yours.

I did finish mine.

(Whispers) Okay. (Chuckles)
(Chuckles)

Anything exciting happen
at school today?

Uh... well, I'm running
Tessa's campaign

for student body president.

Our Lisa,
a political mastermind.

I smell a victory dinner
in the future,

and it smells like...

It smells like...

Tuna and shells?

(Chuckles)
You got it, genius.

Tuna and shells it is.

Lisa, would you like to eat
Ryan's dessert tonight?

I doubt he'll want to eat

this crumbly mess
up in his room.

Mr. Altman?

Whoa. Hey.

Ryan, did you wheel
over here all by yourself?

Down the stairs
and everything?

I heard what you said
to my mother,

so I know there's room
in your heart,

but is there room
in your house

for a dude in a chair
that rolls?

And if so, is there
a downstairs bathroom I can use?

(Mouths words)

Wrestling is a sport.

It's not an identity.

What about Lacrosse?

Also a sport.

What about Spider-Man?

Right.
That's a secret identity

but unrelated
to what I'm talking about.

See, you need to start
thinking about...

(Clatter)

What makes you who you are.

My hair. My eyes. My Roman nose.

On the inside.

- My lungs. My awesome liver.
- What you believe in.

Santa Claus.
Tupac Shakur.

You don't have to answer
the questions

the second I ask them,
okay?

Okay.

So serene.

Yeah. And calm, too.

Hey, look at this guy.

He's a tall, stocky guy,

and he's painting, you know?
Painting.

He's a painter.

Former firefighter, actually.

Used to think it was the only
reason I was on planet Earth,

but then the floor collapsed
right underneath me,

and I fell two stories.

I cracked my back up
pretty good.

You mean pretty bad.

I cracked it... pretty bad.
It hurt pretty good.

You mean
it hurt pretty bad.

Is that from the injury?

Ryan, I'm just glad
this man discovered

after his life-changing
accident,

that he had
another amazing gift.

He could start fires
with his mind?

What? No.

The painting.
I'm talking about the painting.

Oh!

It's just,
you said "amazing gift,"

so I was thinking
more along those lines.

Tessa, I beg you.
Please let me do my job.

I'm doing
damage control here.

Polls show that people
think you're a r*cist.

- r*cist? That's crazy.
- Against jocks.

That's not a race!

Tessa, frankly,
that's the kind of talk

that got us here
in the first place.

If you lower your voice,

I'm trying to spin this
into an asset.

You know what, Lisa?

I-I'm not sure
this is worth it.

This is a fight that
I don't think we're gonna win.

No, you listen to me.

Ow!

I am this close to
my very own victory dinner,

and I'll be hot-damned if you're
gonna take that away from me.

This is my moment.

This is
my tuna and my shells.

Dad's flower wasn't
the only thing blossoming.

His friendship with Ryan Shay
had also taken root.

(Strumming guitar)
♪ In the desert

♪ you can't remember
your name ♪

♪ 'cause they're ain't no one
for to cause you no pain ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA-LA-LA-LA

♪ LA-LA-LA, LA, LA

That's great stuff,
Mr. Altman.

Thanks. I actually...

I had a band in college...
Alt-Man.

Like Altman, get it?

No, but I trust you.

Were you famous?

Ah, it wasn't about
the fame.

- So you weren't?
- No.

We played covers, mostly.

I always wanted
to do our own stuff.

I tried to write a few songs,
but... you know,

- life got in the way.
- Yeah.

Thanks for spending all
this time with me, Mr. Alt-Man.

I just got it.

Good one.

I think I know what
you've been trying to do,

and it worked.

- It did?
- Yeah.

If I don't toughen up,

I'm gonna turn into some
soft loser sitting around

singing depressing songs
about a horse with no mane.

Yeah, that's not what
that song was...

So I'm gonna play
through the pain.

Even if it kills me,
at least I'll die a man.

Can't lick my wounds.

I have to kick 'em, right?

- What are you doing?
- Kick 'em!

- Kick 'em!
- Ryan...

I can do it.

Aah!

Oh, no!
Aah!

Ow!

Whoa.

Aah!
Aah!

You're walking.

I did it.

(Snap)

Yes, you did.

♪ Never got you,
so you'd say ♪

♪ but I tried all that
really warm month of may ♪

♪ girl

(switches click)

Whatcha doin'?

Hey. Nothing. Just noodling
with the song I started writing

a hundred years ago
and never finished.

Wait a minute.
Did the Alt-Man return?

(Laughs) Ah, you know,
I just...

I thought that maybe
he should, you know...

♪ Play through the pain

Sounds good.

Thanks.
Hey, what are you doing?

I'm not fit to serve.

What? You're giving up?

They came out
with this whole slander thing,

saying I'm r*cist
against jocks.

So stupid.
I can't be bothered.

I'm never gonna
change these people.

You know,
when you were little,

I may not have impressed this
upon you enough, but I think

it's really important
to fight for what you want.

Don't take the easy road.

- Are you gonna sing again?
- No.

It feels like you are.

♪ Don't take the easy road

♪ even if you've got
a heavy load ♪

I'm just riffing, but I think
I got something here.

I'm almost considering doing

three or four
"yeah, yeah, yeahs."

Those are optional. I'm not
married to the "yeahs."

I was thinking something
like...

As George figured out
his "yeah, yeah, yeahs,"

i realized that maybe I had
been taking the easy road,

not by quitting the election,
but by running at all.

Sorry, Lisa.
It's over.

Is it about
the poll numbers?

Because I'm said
I'm not worried.

The only reason I even ran
for student council

was to avoid
spiking a volleyball.

What about
my victory dinner?

Actually...

I made a deal with the twins.
(Chuckles)

I agreed to withdraw
my name from the ballot

and support their ticket...

In exchange for us letting you
be our new campaign manager.

Dalia got bored.

Can you taste
that tuna and shells?

(Shouting indistinctly)

Hey.

Hey.

If you show me
how to spike a volleyball,

I'll do
your science homework.

I don't need you to do
my science homework, weakling.

My grades are perfect.

- They are?
- (Girl) Heads up!

I said heads up!

Maybe you can
change yourself...

But not on the first try.

Not till he's home.

(Boys chanting)
Body! Body! Body! Body! Body!

(Chants) Body!

I'm back.
The king is back!

(Laughs) Way to go, son.

- Attaboy! (Laughs)
- Thanks, guys.

Feels a lot better being carried
when you know you can walk.

Great. What are we having
for dinner, possum marinara?

Tuna and shells. I requested it
'cause I know it's your fave.

But...

Being useless and unpopular

and stuck
in that God-awful wheelchair

made me realize what you go
through every day of your life.

I'm not in a wheelchair.

Lisa, take the compliment.

It didn't sound like
a compliment.

Unbelievable. Do you or do you
not want tuna and shells?

I do.

(Laughs)

(Grunts)

I knew she did.