03x08 - New Jazz

[bunniefuu]

You don't want no coffee, man?

No. I generally like to cleanse
before I go all in.

That's a nice hat.

Thank you, man.

Yeah, I like the tone
of purple. It's nice.

- On my skin, right?
- Yeah.

Thank you.

You want to split it?

You want to split it?

I just said that.

Oh. Well, thank you, man.
I really appreciate it.

Stand-up guy.

- Morning, fellas.
- DARIUS AND ALFRED: Mm.

Uh, you guys still doing that thing

I'm not supposed to know about
for insurance purposes?

DARIUS: Yes, we are.

This should help you out.

- Spa passes?
- Mm-hmm.

Nice. " -minute massage,
a facial, sauna

and a cold plunge." [INHALES SHARPLY]

Senses gonna be lit.

Do I got to get naked for this sh*t?

Nudity isn't... required, I think.

Shi... I don't know, n*gga. Europe.

All right. It's time. Let's do it.

You want me to pay for that?

n*gga, I already did that.

Right. All right.

You want... [MUMBLES]

- Nah, I'm good.
- You sure? All right.

Have fun, y'all.

A'ight. See you later, alligator.

DARIUS: So,
I know people call them dr*gs,

but I like to think of them as more

spiritual expanding apparatuses.

ALFRED: Nah, n*gga.
They dr*gs. It's dr*gs.

DARIUS: Anyway, this one is called
a Nepalese Spacecake, all right?

The ingredients are harvested
from, uh, monks in Denmark.

The consensus is that it's weed

mixed with, uh,
Nepalese hallucinogenic honey,

but no one knows what's in them
for sure for sure.

Now, they're banned in the U.S., right?

And you don't want to get them
off the black market,

'cause that's just a problem.

But I finally managed to
track down a place that's legit.

Got a ton of recs on Reddit.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Oh, yeah. That's a tourist. Al?

- Huh?
- Don't be like him.

- Hey.
- MAN: What up?

I'll just do one cup of hot coffee

and a Nepalese Spacecake.

- MAN: All right.
- [COINS CLINK ON COUNTER]

Keep the change.

Sorry, man. That's not enough.

Oh.

Well, I'll just let fate
take care of it.

[EXHALES SLOWLY]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

I'll pay for it, man. Damn, just move.

Thank you, fate.

I'll have the same thing, man.

Okay.

ALFRED: Thanks, man.

Your friend, you know,
he kind of seems like he's seen

the other side before, but, uh,
are you sure you want this?

My n*gga, I had to watch
the movie Cats sober

with a bitch who lied to me
about having some dank, okay?

So I know extremes. Yes.

All right, man.

Oh.

- There you go, man.
- Okay.

- Danke.
- Cats is underrated.

I'm just saying.

Talking to me like
I ain't never taken dr*gs.

Ah, yes. Here we are.

Yeah!

Nepalese.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Before you do that,

let the center be melted
by the heat of the coffee.

Yeah, that's-that's...

[CLEARS THROAT] All right.

[DARIUS BREATHES DEEPLY]

Hey, Al, whatever happens,

just know that I love you very much.

Okay. [INHALES DEEPLY]

- [EXHALES] Let's do this.
- Mm.

- [BICYCLE BELL RINGS]
- All right, man. What now?

Music and a stroll to the spa.

Here. Take that.

- Oh.
- [DARIUS LAUGHS]

- n*gga, iPod Nanos?
- Yes, sir.

I made us some playlists to help

- guide the honey through us.
- All right.

All right, now, I'm gonna be listening
to The Plane by Tomita.

Excuse me. And I got you
on some Stereolab sh*t.

Stereolab? All right, man.

Al, this is gonna be amazing.

I'm feeling it, man. Let's do it.

[MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY OVER EARBUDS]

[CHUCKLES]

[MUSIC FADES UP]

["THE FLOWER CALLED NOWHERE"
BY STEREOLAB PLAYING]

♪ All the small boats on the water ♪

♪ Aren't going anywhere ♪

♪ Surely, they must be loaded with ♪

♪ More than simple matter ♪

♪ Floating on top and gracefully ♪

♪ Tending to the same pole ♪

♪ All the small boats on the water ♪

♪ Going nowhere ♪

♪ Is it true that none of them ♪

♪ Will ever break free and sail? ♪

♪ Feel the night is made of rocks ♪

♪ The stagnant mass ♪

♪ Is it true that none of them ♪

♪ Will ever break free and sail? ♪

♪ Break free from the stagnant boats ♪

♪ Left in obscurity... ♪

[SQUEAKING]

Oh, sh*t!

Poor thing.

He's probably just sick. Hmm.

All right.

Come on. I think it's this way.

ALFRED: How long before
this sh*t kick in?

DARIUS: I'm pretty sure
I'm already high.

ALFRED [CHUCKLES]:
n*gga, no you are not.

'Cause I don't feel a damn thing.

DARIUS: Man, this cookie is
definitely working,

and that is for certain.

ALFRED: See, your ass
is sober enough to rap.

DARIUS [LAUGHING]: No, man.
I'm too high to not rap.

Tell me what you think about...

ALFRED: Man, you have
any idea where we going?

Yeah. Actually, I think
there's a shortcut this way.

Come on.

DARIUS: Where are all the
Black people in Amsterdam?

ALFRED: We just passed two.

- There's a third one right there.
- This way. This way. All right.

Hey, man. Hey, man,
I don't want to... [MUTTERS]

Come on, man. All them tourists.

I know, I know. It's only seven
more minutes this way.

n*gga, you gonna be my security?
Darius, man!

Actually, actually, no. It's this way.

[SIGHS] Oh, my God.

No, if this is guiding me right,
it should be...

[MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

f*ck off.

- Hold up, hold up, hold up.
- What?

- Is that... is that Paper Boi?
- No. f*ck off.

- Yes, man. That's him.
- ALFRED: sh*t.

- No f*cking way.
- Really? Which one?

The one with the f*cking hat!

Hey, Paper Boi! Hey, Paper Boi!

- [LAUGHTER]
- Paper Boi!

- Look at the hat!
- Don't ignore me, you bloody c**t!

I want an autograph!

- Paper Boi!
- I need your picture. I need it.

- Fancy a girl, Paper Boi?
- Hey, you fancy a wank?

- Hey, Paper Boi!
- Ooh, Paper Boi!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

- Hey! Paper Boi!
- Paper Boi!

[SHOUTS OF "PAPER BOI!" CONTINUE]

[ALFRED GRUNTS]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTS]
- Where are you at, Paper Boi?!

- Paper Boi!
- He left!

Where the... where the f*ck is he?

- [WOMEN SCREAMING]
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

- Come on, come on!
- [BABY SCREAMING]

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WOMAN CRYING NEARBY]

[SOBBING]

[CRYING CONTINUES]

[SOBBING]

Help. Help.

[SOBBING]

Hey. You...

- You all right?
- [CRYING STOPS]

You-you in danger? You...

C-Can you tell me
what's-what's going on?

- You all right?
- [STAMMERS SOFTLY]

What?

- Well, blink twice if you...
- Shh.

If you can't tell me what's going on...

- I'm just trying to...
- [SHUSHES]

- You ain't got to get all ir... [SIGHS]
- [STAMMERS]

[CRUNCHING, CHEWING]

[WOMAN RESUMES CRYING]

[WEEPING]

Oh, God...

Oh.

- [CRYING]
- I'm sorry.

- Uh, I'm sorry I interrupt... Okay.
- [CRYING CONTINUES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Damn, your hat looks dumb.

Hmm?

I said your hat... it's not working.

Well, I ain't ask your ass.

Wait. Hold on. Let me...
let me ask you something.

[CHUCKLES]

You need a friend?

I have friends. Thanks.

Yeah, but, like, good ones, though.

Because a good friend would've told you

that Chanel is for women.

[SAXOPHONE PLAYING]

Art is such a racket, no?

Then why bring your ass to
a museum if you don't like art?

To read people, my love. Why else?

And look at the talent
right in front of us.

Wow. Prime example.

Tragically Arab. The style.

Like, ugh. [GAGS]

And then we have our hypebeast faggots,

but, I mean, like,
that's an Alexander Wang story.

You should look it up.
It's really touchy, you know.

People get really sensitive... [GASPS]

And then, of course,

in front of us, we have
our statuesque white Lizzo.

[CHUCKLES] I mean, honestly,

Lizzo's kind of like white Lizzo,

for real, for real,
because she's just so...

[SIGHS]

[SCOFFS]

Why are you here?

Because I had to be. All right?

Oh, really?

School field trip?

Hiding out?

[WHISPERS]: Are you someone
to other people?

[WHISPERS]: I'm nobody,
so you can leave me alone.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Well,

everyone is nobody.

But are you a nobody to everyone?

You're a rapper.

[SIGHS]

God, another one.

I hate rappers.

I most of all hate the way
y'all say "p*ssy."

Babe.

Look at me.

Soft.

p*ssy.

[CHUCKLES]

I mean, I kind of hate
all rap music right now, though.

It's nothing personal. I'm just...

- not a fan.
- Oh, that's good,

'cause I ain't a fan
of your ass, so we even.

[CHUCKLES] Babe, I don't care.

I promise you, I don't even give a f*ck.

[SIGHS]

You know,
the thing about rappers, though,

is, like, y'all don't know
anything about yourselves.

Like... you have no idea
where your money is.

And I-I watch y'all's
interviews, you know?

You're wearing all that designer.

And, I mean, you look cute.
It's no shade or whatever.

Do your thing.

But you still have no clue
where your money is

or where your money's going.

Well, that ain't me, a'ight?

Huh.

So...

who owns your masters?

What?

Who owns your masters?

The recording from which all
the later copies of your music

are made.

It's potentially the most lucrative part

of making music, babe.

No one ever told you that?

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

That's funny!

[CHUCKLES]

Wow. I came at the perfect time.

I swear, I'm an angel.

Lorraine.

Al.

[LORRAINE SCOFFS, SMOOCHES]

Hey, look, how I get out of here?

You can start by taking off
that hat. [CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES]

Yo, I'm being real.

If you are "famous,"

that sh*t is making you stand out.

But wait here, though.

Don't go nowhere.

[SAXOPHONE CONTINUES PLAYING]

[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]

Here.

[SCOFFS] f*ck.

Stop.

Become what you fear.

Less attitude.

Put it on.

Take my help and let's go.

I know just where to hide out.

[LORRAINE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[SIGHS]

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [HORN HONKING]

Oh, sh*t, it's night?

We only get a little bit of sunlight.

Amsterdam... city of dreams.

[CHUCKLING]

Ooh.

Hey.

Come on. Keep up.

Oh.

Hey.

[CHUCKLES]

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, Lorraine.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]

LORRAINE: Come on.

Yeah, but where you at, girl?

Follow my voice.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Hey, L-Lorraine, though. [MUTTERS]

[HEART b*ating]

Lorraine.

Where...

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey, Lorraine!

[DISTORTED ECHOING]

- Babe.
- Huh?

I need you to chill.

I'm right here. Come on.

All right.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

LORRAINE: Oh,
you're gonna love this place.

It's very exclusive.

- CAMMY: Lorraine, baby.
- [GASPS]

- Cammy!
- FLO: Finally.

- [CHUCKLES]
- CAMMY: How are you?

[SIGHS] Good.

Ooh, I love this.
You look like the future.

Oh, stop! Stop. Stop.

- You look amazing.
- You look so good.

- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES] Mwah. Mwah.

And who's this?

Oh. This is my new friend.

- He like your old friend?
- [CHUCKLES]

- Stop.
- [LAUGHS]

- This is Al.
- FLO: Hello.

Hey, y'all.

CAMMY: Hey.

[QUIETLY]: Get behind me.

- [SINGSONGY]: Hey.
- Who's this?

- Paper Boi.
- Baby, this is New Jazz.

Ah, New Jazz.

Please, come in.

[WOMAN SINGING FAINTLY]

♪

[SOFT CHATTER]

Hey.

Um, what's New Jazz?

[LAUGHTER]

Girl, I can't believe you said that.

LORRAINE: These white
people don't want us here anyway.

At least we can have some fun.

CAMMY: Yeah, but if you start
saying "New Jazz" for everyone

you bring in here, they're gonna
start asking questions.

LORRAINE: Um, they should
be asking questions. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

We're all New Jazz, baby.

Don't worry.

[CHUCKLES] You high yet?

No.

Mm.

Come on.

♪

Ladies, New Jazz,

what can I get you?

Two dirty martinis, a gin and Hpnotiq,

and...

Uh, White Hennessy, neat.

WAITER: Two dirties,
a Blue Lagoon and a Chris Evans.

Excellent. All of your drinks

have been covered
by that table over there.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Thank you.

♪

CAMMY: So,

who are you, sir?

I'm a rapper.

[GASPS]

Do you know Dua Lipa?

- Not really, no.
- Ugh!

She's my life. I love her.

Protect her, okay?

I'll try.

What's DaBaby like?

Ugh, I just want
to shave that little mustache

- and sit on his face. [LAUGHING]
- [LAUGHING]

Why the hat?

Oh, this, uh... [EXHALES]

I just, um...

I picked it up at a museum
when I was ducking out

from these kids that was chasing me.

- So I just...
- FLO: I love it.

It's very New Jazz. [CHUCKLES]

[GIGGLES]

How long have you and Lorraine
been f*cking?

[CHUCKLES] We're not f*cking.

You're not the first rapper,
just so you know.

They all come out here.

Don't worry. She's discreet.

Well, I'm not worried 'cause...
I'm not worried

'cause we ain't...
we ain't f*cking, so...

- Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS]

Do you know what they call
her apartment?

& Park.

[LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLING DRYLY]

- [LAUGHING CONTINUES]
- & Park. ...

You know, I'm-a get me a...

- [FLO GIGGLING]
- ...a pre-drink drink.

You want something? No,
I'm-a get... I'm-a... I'm-a...

- I'm-a go.
- Oh.

'Cause-'cause...

the f-f*ck.

- They definitely f*cked.
- Mm. [GIGGLING]

Hey, man. Uh, White Hennessy,
neat, please. Thank you.

MAN: Hey. I know you.

You're-you're that rapper, right?

Paper Boi. Yeah.

- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLING]

Um, ain't you, uh...

You...

- You, uh...
- Oh, yeah.

"I've got a particular set of skills."

- Oh, sh*t. [LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]

Man, you about the last n*gga...

person I expect to see in here, man.

Yeah, oh, I don't think anyone expects

- to see anyone in here, mate.
- Right?

Right, man. I mean...

I mean, this place is,
like, weird, right?

Like... like, it's weird.

I mean, I ain't... I ain't never
been no place like this before.

Well, it's... it's unreal, all right.

[CHUCKLES]

Damn. [CHUCKLES]

How'd you get here?

Uh... I just followed a local.

Mm. What'd they do?

What you mean?

Well, did they strangle a fan

or shag a teenager?

How'd they get in?

Uh... Thank you.

Ah, you don't have to say. It's fine.

It's your business.

[SNIFFS] You might have heard
or read about my transgression.

You know, what I said about what
I wanted to do to a Black guy...

Any Black guy... when I was
a younger man in London.

A friend of mine had been r*ped,

and I acted out of anger.

I look back now,
and it honestly frightens me.

I thought people knowing who I once was

would make clear who I am,

who I've become.

But, with all that being said...

[SIGHS] I am sorry.

I apologize if I hurt people.

[SIGHS] Yeah, well...

between you and me...

I still f*ck with Taken.

- [LAUGHING]
- [CHUCKLES]

sh*t, man. Look,
it's good to know that you...

it's good to know that you
don't hate Black people now.

- You know?
- What? No, no, no, no.

I can't stand the lot of you.

Well, now I feel that way.

Because you tried to ruin my career.

[CHUCKLES] Didn't succeed, mind you.

However...

I'm sure one day I will get over it.

But until then,

we are mortal enemies.

[CHUCKLES]

I'll see you around, big lad.

Yeah. All right, man. Yeah, yeah.

Hold on, hold on, hold... Wait. [SIGHS]

But didn't you learn that you
shouldn't say sh*t like that?

Aye.

But I also learned

that the best and worst part
about being white is...

we don't have to learn anything
if we don't want to.

Take it easy, Paper Boi.

[APPLAUSE]

MAN: Hello, everyone.

We have a very special guest
planned for you.

At every one of these
engagements, we try to bring you

the finest and brightest in culture,

the newest and most enticing
of the art form.

And tonight's no different.

- [DRUMROLL]
- In the urban jungle,

- surrounded by the harsh climate of men...
- Psst.

- ...the caged bird sings a song.
- Psst. Come on.

- What?
- Come on.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Hell no.

What you mean? Come on.

- Get your ass up. Get up.
- [SIGHS]

Come on. Faster.

MAN: ...never-before-seen
treasure of the modern...

The hell you been?

Aw, you be scared?

We clownin' on. Oh, come on. Let's go.

Here, all the way from America,
just for you,

please welcome...

New Jazz!

[SIGHS]

Look, where the f*ck we going? Hey.

- [EXHALES]
- It's cold as f*ck.

Wait, the sun is out? sh*t.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my gosh.
I am in so much trouble.

They gonna be so mad at me.

But ha!

[SIGHS] Yo,

they was gonna make you perform
back there.

Well, I know how to say no.

Yeah, they don't... they don't
let you say no in there.

Know what? Don't worry. I got you.

Hey, what's wrong with you?

Uh-uh. What's wrong with you?

Look, just don't-don't touch
my face, all right?

Uh, n*gga, I just saved your life.

Ha, the f*ck you did.

Wow!

Well, it's very clear
you don't trust me.

Yeah, 'cause you sh*t on me all day!

All day! That's all you do.

Call me stupid. Why the f*ck
would I trust your ass?

Oh, p*ssy boy got balls
but can't take the truth?

- The f*ck you say?
- n*gga, all day,

I've been telling you
what you needed to hear,

not what the f*ck you wanted to hear!

- f*ck out of here, man.
- No.

If you don't have that, guess what...

You're f*cking white!

[GROANS]

n*gga.

[CHURCH BELLS CHIMING IN DISTANCE]

Your friends.

Your friends let you wear that sh*t hat.

They don't pay for sh*t.

You got family handling
the most important parts

of your f*cking finances?

My n*gga, your future?

All of 'em, all of 'em
got a vested interest

in you not seeing the truth.

You don't trust me?

I'm all you got.

Real quick, though...
Who the f*ck are you? Hmm?

The f*ck you know about me?

You don't know sh*t.

My n*gga, you don't feel sh*t.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Can't even feel your legs.

What you talking 'bout?

- You can't move.
- [DISTORTED CHIMING]

Your legs don't work.

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
- Your arms,

- they don't work.
- The fu...

- [WHIMPERING]
- Yeah.

I think that you should sit down.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

- [SHOUTING ECHOING]
- Mm-hmm.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

- [SHOUTING ECHOING]
- Wow. Shh.

- [HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
- [WHIMPERING]

Shh. Yeah, I know.

- It's okay.
- [WHIMPERING] [LOUD CHIRPING]

Shh. Shh.

[MUTTERING]

- [DARIUS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- [BELL TINKLING]

[MUFFLED WHIMPERING]

DARIUS: But I finally managed
to track down a place that's legit.

- [MUFFLED SHOUTING]
- Got a ton of recs on Reddit.

[DARIUS CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

Al. Don't be like him.

- [HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
- Don't be like him.

Don't be like him. Don't be like him.

- [CHURCH BELLS CHIMING]
- [BICYCLE BELL TINKLING]

[SNORES]

[MUTTERING]

[SNORTS]

[SIGHS] sh*t.

[GROANS]

[GROANS SOFTLY]

[GROANS, GRUNTS]

[WHISPERS]: Hey.

Hey.

I got you some room-temp water
on your nightstand.

And there's some, uh, food, too,
if you want me to heat it up.

What happened, man?

You passed out.

I found you on the street.

You've been asleep for, like...

ten hours.

[SIGHS]

n*gga, did you change my clothes?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

- It was not easy.
- [LAUGHS]

You vomited.

Oh, man. [SIGHS, GROANS]

Where's Lorraine?

Your mom?

Never mind.

[GULPS]

[SIGHS]

I'm glad y'all didn't tell me
what y'all were up to.

This actually worked out better.

Text me if you need anything. All right?

Earn.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

Huh?

Who owns my masters?

Huh?

When you were negotiating
my label contract...

...who owns my masters?

You do.

Thanks.

No problem.

I'll come back up and check
on you in, like, an hour.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

["STORMY" BY THE METERS PLAYING]

♪