01x21 - Terriers and Tiaras

[bunniefuu]

RUSSELL: A little bit of kibble,

some purified water and lastly, a dog treat.

Voilà! Pet food smoothies.

Blythe? Um, no, thanks.

Good day, citizen. I'm lost.

Can you kindly point me to the Largest-Ever Pet Shop?

Are you sure you want to go all the way over there?

We've got lots of great stuff right here in Littlest Pet Shop.

Hmm...

Christopher Lyedecker, pageant director

for the hit reality show Terriers and Tiaras.

( gasps )

LYEDECKER: Someone named Biscake or Baskett,

or something like that, tipped me off

that there's some true, pageant-ready talent

at the Largest-Ever Pet Shop.

A reality show? Pet pageants?

Sounds like the Biskit twins, all right.

So you want to go to the end of the block

and make a left, then--

( Zoe barking )

Can you excuse me a sec?

What is it, Zoe?

Don't you dare send that man away, Blythe.

You've got to get me on Terriers and Tiaras.

But all those animal reality shows do is create drama

and make everyone look silly.

Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please

get me on that show!

What about your owners?

We need to get their approval.

"To whom it may concern:

"If Zoe wants you to take her to a pageant, do it.

Signed, John and Clarissa."

I'll help you do her makeup.

And I'll come along to be your gofer.

And that's not easy for a hedgehog.

I don't know about this, Zoe.

Very well, Blythe, you leave me no choice.

( whimpering )

( sad violin theme playing )

Sad puppy-dog eyes have no effect on--

All right, I'll take you!

( cheering )

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Mr. Lyedecker,

if you're looking for your future pageant winner,

the most fabulous pooch in all of Downtown City

is right here at Littlest Pet Shop.

The one and only...

Zoe Trent!

( barks )

♪ You think about All the things ♪

♪ That you love to do

♪ It all comes true

♪ You find a place You never knew ♪

♪ Where you're happy To just be you ♪

♪ We can be ♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Who we wanna be ♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ At the Littlest Pet Shop You and me ♪

♪ We can be ♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Who we wanna be ♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ At the Littlest Pet Shop You and me ♪

( slurping )

Hurry, now, we're late for our centering techniques!

Philippa, you forgot the tail curlers!

Go back and get 'em.

So today's the Downtown City Terriers and Tiaras pageant,

and we're very excited to get to compete

against some of the best dogs in the world.

Course, maybe the others aren't quite as committed as we are.

Princess Stori likes to get to pageants

at least five hours before the others

to get a feel for the space, you know,

and do her visualization exercises.

( crashing )

Philippa, pick that bag up right now,

and try to act professional!

( laughs )

Philippa won't be with us much longer.

She's the niece of my blockheaded husband,

but, you know, we're gonna hire a professional

soon as we win this here pageant.

Aren't we? Yes we are!

LYEDECKER: The Downtown City Terriers and Tiaras pageant

will feature some of the best, most fabulous competition

we've ever seen.

It's an intense competition

that will challenge our dogs in beauty.

And talent.

( screeching )

( barking )

( upbeat theme playing )

Well, as you all know, I'm Christopher Lyedecker,

pageant director for Terriers and Tiaras.

And this is the crown that will go to our...

( deep breath )

...Ultimate Supreme Miss Congeniality

Most Photogenic Most Talented Super Sparkle

Grand Supreme pageant winner of the and unders.

I'm Cindeanna Mellon,

and this is my Yorkie, Shea Butter Mellon.

This is my master bedroom.

And this is where Shea Butter sleeps.

I sleep over there.

Shea B currently holds the title

of Little Miss Furry-Face for the tri-state area.

Don't you?

( kissing )

I'm Tanya Twitchel, and this is my baby, Sam U.L.

Sam U.L. has been training for Terriers and Tiaras

hours a day for the past seven months.

( panting )

Sit straight!

LYEDECKER: Um, Blythe,

why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?

Blythe.

LYEDECKER: Hm, well, what about your dog?

What's her name? Blythe.

LYEDECKER: Okay, well, you're up against one of the toughest fields

in Terriers and Tiaras history.

How do you like your pup's chances?

Blythe.

Blythe, you seem to get a little tense

during the interview portions.

Sorry, I'm kind of camera shy.

Well, that could be a problem, since this is a reality TV show.

Good point. Tell you what.

Why don't you watch how Judi Jo Jameson does it?

She's an old pro at this.

My name is Judi Jo Jameson, and y'all know who this is.

Princess Stori, heart above the first I.

( yips )

She's won every major pageant in this big, beautiful country.

( gasps )

That's Princess Stori, heart above the first I!

She's the most famous dog on the pageant circuit.

( Zoe yipping )

Oh, cut!

Ugh, Blythe, please, quiet that yapping dog.

This is a VIP I'm trying to interview.

Don't you fret none, muffin batter.

You won't have many more interviews

once the competition starts.

These things always end up being all about Princess Stori.

Zoe's won a few pageants herself, you know.

Oh, puddin' cup,

your little tea party pageant shows in your basement

with all your little forest friends don't count, m'kay?

Ugh. Let's go.

Oh, please, please, please, please,

don't make me go home!

Come on, Blythe, we can't leave.

Yeah, we can b*at Princess Stori.

ZOE: What are we doing in here?

I just wanted you to see the stage

where you're going to b*at Princess Stori.

You mean, I get to compete?

You sure do.

I know how much it means to you,

and I'm not going to let the likes

of Judi Jo Jameson ruin it.

( all cheering )

Okay, Zoe, you need to practice

going through this agility course.

Oh, darling, I don't do athletics.

But you can't win this pageant

if you don't do the agility course.

I will win with style, not brute force.

( sighs ) ( Zoe yipping )

Noisy dogs never do well at T and T.

Okay, Zoe, pay attention.

Over the see-saw, through the tube,

up and over.

Awesome, Minka!

Good job.

( slow applause )

Real nice, sugarshaker, real nice.

But this here's a dog pageant, m'kay?

And they tend to frown on enterin gringers

like weasels, or whatever that thing is.

( growls )

Sam U.L., hup!

( dramatic theme playing )

( grunting )

Come on, Zoe.

Show 'em what you can do.

( tense theme playing )

( Zoe barking ) Aah!

( all chuckling )

( Zoe yelping )

Undisciplined dogs make me sick.

Come on, girls.

This one's obviously got a lot to learn

about the pageant circuit.

If she can't handle agility, she's got no chance at beauty.

( women laughing )

Um, beauty is the most important part of any pageant,

and, uh, heh, that's where I come in.

I'm Princess Stori's stylist.

I'm in charge of her makeup and her fur.

I was originally hired to have fun with her, but--

JUDI JO: Philippa? Philippa!

I need the quarter-inch sequins!

You bought the three-eighths again!

Oops, gotta run.

MINKA: So, then Pepper says to Vinnie

that Russell is secretly hiding a bald patch.

I'm right here.

Ugh, not like that, sweet cream!

You gotta get some lift in the fur, like so...

Just remember. Height equals beauty, m'kay?

Stop! What is it?

How's that?

Yeah, well, I guess it looks higher.

It's certainly higher, no question there.

Huh, I guess height really does equal beauty.

You mind if I give the makeup a try, Minka?

Help yourself.

( quirky upbeat theme playing )

There.

Now you look as beautiful as the other contestants.

Uh, isn't that a little too much makeup?

Not if we want to win a pageant, monkey butt.

( upbeat theme playing )

Welcome to Downtown City's very first

Terriers and Tiaras pageant! ( crowd applauding )

We're going to start with the talent portion of the pageant.

( crowd applauding )

Oh, this is so much fun!

I'm thinking about reworking our talent.

We gotta get every detail just so.

What in mitten buttons do you think you're doing

in my interview room?

Nobody was using it, so I thought I'd--

You listen to me, little miss.

Ain't nobody, no how, no way, disrespects Judi Jo Jameson.

That understood?

So you take that little glorified furball of yours

and do your little sorry talent and then scurry on home

and let the big dogs play, you hear?

You may scare the others, Judi Jo, but you don't scare me.

And there's not a dog at this pageant

that's more talented than Zoe.

Now if you don't mind...

I've got a pageant to win, m'kay, puddin' skin?

( dramatic theme playing )

( upbeat theme playing )

Excellent routine, Shea Butter.

Thanks, Zoe.

Ugh, I can't wait to get this tutu off.

My dogs are barking.

Oh, I wish I had a gorgeous tutu like that.

Girl, you can have it.

If I never saw it again, my tail would be wagging.

You're lucky Blythe lets you play on the see-saw.

Yeah, I'd be in so much trouble if my owner caught me on that.

I'm probably in trouble just for talking to you. Gotta go!

I don't understand.

Your owners don't want you to have fun?

( laughs )

You're new to the whole pageant thing, aren't you?

You'll learn.

What are y'all doing sitting around

like a bunch of lounge sitters?

We all were just waiting for you,

so we could go over Zoe's talent.

All right, then, chop chop!

Y'all ain't gonna win no

Ultimate Supreme Miss Congeniality Most Photogenic

Most Talented Super Sparkle Grand Supreme

of the and unders,

sittin' around like that! Let's see what y'alls got.

( pageant music playing on radio )

Hold it! ( music stops )

Zoe, I thought you came here to win this thing.

I did, but-- That ain't gonna win nothing.

But I like those moves. Russell came up with them.

And Russell ain't competing.

Y'all wanna win, right?

Um, uh-huh.

Then you gotta do it like this.

One, two, three. One, two, three. One, three, two.

Did you catch that part? Now you go.

Good, good.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, three, two. No!

No, that is all wrong.

You think those judges won't notice that?

Here, you gotta use the old Baxter method.

That's the only way to b*at old Judi Jo.

I don't care about b*ating Judi Jo.

b*at Judi Jo, win the pageant, whatever.

Either way, you gotta follow my lead.

Remember back at Littlest Pet Shop,

when Blythe said pet pageants always turn into something ugly?

Consider this ugly.

( upbeat theme playing )

BLYTHE: Y'all best pack up and hit the road

so you can b*at the traffic,

'cause ain't nobody gonna out-beauty my Zoe. Heh-heh.

Your dog couldn't even spell "beauty."

( chuckles )

It finally happened, huh?

She's gone full stage mom.

Blythe? Oh, no, she's just a little...

overexcited, that's all.

Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.

It happened to all of us at some point.

We all used to have fun with our owners.

That right! That right!

Well learn to spell this, 'cause you'll see it on the trophy:

Blythe Baxter.

That's Blythe with a heart over the Y, y'all,

and don't you forget it!

Hate to say it, but she's already gone to the dark side.

But-- But it can't be true!

Blythe, it's almost time for me to go on, and I'm nervous.

Do you have any words of encouragement?

No, but I do have your new look for beauty.

Ta-da!

( gasps )

Is that the dress you made for my birthday?

I loved that dress. What have you done to it?

Winning this pageant is the most important thing in the world,

and you ain't winning it with no boring old dress, candy corn.

This dress was important to me, Blythe.

And now look what you've done to it.

Sentimentality never floated no boat, lemongrass.

Now let's get this heap of gorgeous on you.

Blythe, I don't think I want to be in the pageant anymore.

Aw, go on now. What are you talkin' about?

You're gonna win this thing for Blythey, ain't you?

I want to go home.

Now if you'll kindly remove this tiny cowboy hat--

Hoo-wee! That dog looks like a parade float

at a circus clown's funeral! BLYTHE: Oh, yeah?

Well your dog looks like the fifth chair trumpet

in an ugly trumpet band!

This dress was one of the most meaningful gifts

I've ever gotten.

( in deep voice ): You think that's bad,

my owner's been dressing me up in pink

and calling me "Princess" as long as I can remember.

Ah! You're a--

A boy. That's right.

So why do you do these pageants?

It makes her happy.

( both arguing indistinctly )

They don't look very happy.

But Princess Stori, you're a legend

on the pageant circuit.

You mean you don't actually enjoy it?

That's what we've been trying to tell you.

None of us like this anymore.

Yeah, Zoe. We're dogs.

We want to be out in the park,

eating things we're not supposed to eat,

and slobbering on strangers' pants,

not cooped up in pageant halls wearing fake teeth.

Well, I'm with you.

This has been an absolutely dreadful experience,

and I don't want to continue on.

Ah, good for you, Zoe. Wish I could quit too.

Hey, I know where Philippa keeps all the bags of dog treats.

SHEA BUTTER: Let's go!

( both gasping )

Phillipa. Phillipa!

Come on, Zoe-poo.

You're almost on, and your ears aren't pretty.

Why aren't your ears pretty?

( upbeat theme playing )

( crowd applauding )

Don't worry, Judi Jo.

I'll set up a webcam so you can see the trophy

when it's sittin' on my shelf.

( crowd gasping )

Zoe, get back here!

Don't forget to give me the password for that webcam,

toffee shoes. Ha-ha-ha!

( grunting )

Some pageant moms just can't handle the stress.

Zoe! Zoe, get out here.

This is not fabulous behavior.

Hmph. Zoe is such a diva.

Doesn't she know what I've sacrificed to get here?

A Saturday afternoon?

Aha!

So you had a little meltdown.

But we'll get you fabbed up

and back out on stage in two butterfly winks.

No, Blythe.

Oh, go on. Don't be silly, dewdrop.

We're not gonna let Judi Jo take home that crown, are we?

I mean it, Blythe, I'm not going out there.

But what about the title of...

( deep breath )

Ultimate Supreme Miss Congeniality

Most Photogenic Most Talented Super Sparkle Grand Supreme

of the and unders?

I don't care about the...

( deep breath )

Ultimate Supreme Miss Congeniality

Most Photogenic Most Talented Super Sparkle Grand Supreme

of the and unders.

I came here to have fun

and spend time with my friend Blythe.

Not be terrorized by a mini Judi Jo Jameson!

Fun? There's no fun in dog pageants.

This is about b*ating Judi Jo!

( sighs )

Well, you'll just have to do it without me.

Fine! I don't need you, Zoe!

I'll just use some other dog.

Whenever one of our contestants has what I call a meltdown,

we allow for a last-minute substitution.

Our moms have worked far too hard

to let a skittish dog ruin everything.

I've been told this new entry is a hedgehog.

Uh, must be one of those new European breeds. Heh-heh.

Blythe, you're on. Like, right now.

Chrissy-poo, allow me to introduce

your newest Terriers and Tiaras star, Russell.

That's a hedgehog?

No, that's a star, sugar shaker.

Okay, whatever. Get out there, Russell.

Blythe, I need more camera time from you.

You're great TV! I am?

Are you kidding? Watch this.

Fine! I don't need you, Zoe!

You're more Judi Jo than Judi Jo,

and she's one of the most popular characters on our show.

Keep it up, Blythe.

You're becoming quite the little pageant mom.

( Stori yipping )

Princess Stori, get your furry little bottom back here!

My dog never acted like this till you showed up.

You corrupted her!

( yipping )

You are comin' out whether you like it or not!

( all growling )

You call yourself a pageant mom?

You can't even keep your dog from growlin' at me.

Sorry, Judi Jo, but I'm not a pageant mom.

And, Zoe growls at whoever she wants to.

( barking )

I think Princess Stori is saying

that she doesn't want to compete in pageants anymore.

Fine! You wanna act like a mad dog?

Just go right on ahead and throw it all away!

See if I care!

Philippa, if you want Princess Stori, help yourself.

You two deserve each other.

( triumphant theme playing )

Zoe, I want to apologize.

I got so caught up in trying to b*at Judi Jo,

that I actually became her.

I know you wanted to come here and have a fun time with me,

and that really means a lot.

I'm sorry I ruined it for you.

It's okay, Blythe.

I don't care about the Terriers and Tiaras crown.

But there's still time for us to have some fun.

Ha, right! Come on.

Let's go hit that agility course.

Well, as I was saying earlier,

I was originally hired to play with Princess Stori

and have fun, but she never really got the chance,

and the pageants took up so much time--

He! Ha, ha! I totally meant "he."

Sorry. Heh-heh-heh.

( upbeat theme playing )

Most people who own dogs think they're just cute little pets

that chew things and chase sticks,

or whatever it is that regular dogs do.

But our contestants are a cut above.

They have poise. They have grace.

Oh, maybe they wanted to run around and play

when they were puppies,

but now that they're pageant dogs,

they know that there's more to life than having fun.

( all barking )

The winner of the Downtown City Terriers and Tiaras pageant's

( deep breath )

Ultimate Supreme Miss Congeniality

Most Photogenic Most Talented Super Sparkle Grand Supreme,

of the and unders, is...

Russell Ferguson!

( crowd murmuring )

( cheering and applause )

( gasping )

Oh, my--

( upbeat pop theme playing )

♪ We can be ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Who we wanna be ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ At the Littlest Pet Shop You and me ♪