03x12 - Les Lucioles

[bunniefuu]

♪ Da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da

Tessa: okay, so,
in case you don't remember,

my ex-boyfriend, ryan,
came back, but not for me.

he moved on
with his girlfriend, june.

lisa and malik were determined

not to let
the same thing happen to them.

and after a rough patch,
they surprised everyone with...

Lisa mary shay...

Will you marry me?

Yes.

[ Cheers and applause ]

and, as maid of honor,

i had no other choice
but to get with the program.

[ School bell rings ]
I don't think
we need a program.

No program.

But I do want to discuss
my walk down the aisle.

Okay, I just assumed
that your parents --

I have something else
in mind.

Did you happen to see

The season finale
of "game of thrones"?

[ All shouting "lisa!" ]
I walk amongst my people,
greet them.

They scream my name
with devotion.

I see. And where is malik
during all this?

Oh, he's there, too.

We exchange our vows as my
young dragons circle overhead.

[ Dragons roar ]

And then we exit

To malik's favorite song
by rich homie quan.

Look, even if we could afford
newly freed yunkish slaves

And dragons and rich homie quan,
I just don't think

That our venue is going to allow
for that kind of reenactment.

Now, I want to go over
the dimensions of your backyard

And the budget
your mom gave me.
Okay.

Money is no object.
I'm sorry?

We are having
a private conversation

That doesn't
include you.

Tell her, lisa.
Tell me what?

Tell her how
I'm queen of honor.

Oh. Dalia has decided to be
queen of honor at our wedding.

And I have decided
not to die on this hill.

What exactly
does queen of honor do?

She basically just,
like, looks extremely pretty

And is, like,
very, very honored.

I see.

And the maid of honor
cleans up after her

And then checks to see

If there's anything
the queen might need.

Like a clear pepsi.

Or some edamame.

Why did you agree
to this?

Because dalia
graciously volunteered to donate

All of the china, silver,
glassware, and spirits.

And also to perform
"suddenly seymour."

It's in my range.

Alih jey: ♪ last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da

[ Dog barks ]

♪ Da, da, da, da

Dalia: okay.

Tessa: okay, so,
I'm thinking the groom's family

Will be on this side.

And the bride's family --

You guys will be seated
over here.

Now, how many people
do you think

We can fit back here
comfortably?

Well, let's see --

Uh, we hosted nudes
last summer

For our
"bottom knockers" event.

Ooh. Ouch!
She said comfortably.

[ Both chuckle ]

It was a tight squeeze.
Yeah, things got
a little messy.

[ Both laugh ]

Actually,
I'm not comfortable.

Tessa, it may sound saucy,
but the "bottom knockers"

Is simply a mature group
of christian potters

Who prefer to spin
in the nude.

Together, we nudely celebrate
our faith in the lord

And our love
of glazed earthenware.

Okay, so, um,
no more than ?

'S safe.

but might have been
a little ambitious.

All those in favor of malik
throwing away his future

To marry his -year-old
classmate say "aye."

Aye.

All those opposed, say "nay."
All: nay.

Nay.
Looks like
the nays have it.

Nay, they don't.

Look, I'm sorry that
the family doesn't approve,

But lisa and I
are getting married.

The state
says I'm old enough

To decide for myself,
and I've decided.

The man's decided.
Well, then so have i.

Hear that?
Edmond's decided something, too.

You want to be a...
Big man?

You want to disregard
the counsel of your parents?

Then next year,
you're on your own.

[ Scoffs ] so what?

So you're not gonna pay
for college?

You're not gonna pay for --
any of it.

You want to play house,
play house.

Get a job
and support your family.

What? So, you're gonna sabotage
my future just because I d--

Oh! You're the one
sabotaging, malik! You!

Miles,
sit your ass down.

Sit your ass down,
miles.

Really,
no one asked you, miles.

Fine. No, I hope you all
can live with this decision

You've made
because I don't intend to.

[ All murmuring ]

[ Door slams ]

[ Sighs ]

Okay. I told you
it wasn't gonna work.

I told you!
Ah.

[ Sighs ]
hey. I did my part.

Do you like it?
I do.

But I don't.

It needs more tulle
and more feet of train

And animatronic birds
that sing my name.

[ Grunts ] okay.

This here
is dinner service for .

[ Breathing heavily ]
just do me solid

And ask the staff
not to stack the goblets.

You can
ask them yourself.

Oh, I won't be
in attendance.

What?

You're not coming
to my wedding?

I'm not going
to lisa and malik's wedding

Because, quite frankly,
I'm a wedding jinx.

Every wedding I've ever been to
has ended in divorce --

Including my own.

Mommy, that is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

Marriages fail because of
poor communication and poorness

And sexy assistants
and diminished returns

And letting yourself go
and gmos

And hbo
and catherine zeta-jones.

And catherine zeta-jones'
personality.

And the way she, like, thinks
she's better than everyone.

Oh.
It has nothing
to do with you.

I mean, how narcissistic
can you be?

Okay, so I crunched
some numbers.

You
"crunched some numbers"?

Tessa,
I can't help but feel

That you're approaching this
the wrong way.

Yeah, we're not preparing
our tax returns.

We're preparing to make an oath
of eternal and undying love.

Even so,

The budget your parents gave me
just isn't gonna support it.

Oh, what about
my dowry chest?

Have you opened it?
Because I have.

And it's mostly just coupons

For a free birthday cone
at friendly's.

Now we're talking!
No, that is
of no use to anyone.

Look, something's got to give.
I have an event to put on here.

People got to get fed,
pictures got to get snapped,

And I'm assuming you'll want

People to shake their bodies
in time to the music.

That is customary, yes.
Okay.
There's got to be music.

Okay, now, after all
those invoices are paid,

I'm hoping there's gonna be
enough in the kitty

For a bell or a whistle,

But it's probably
not gonna be both.

What "kitty"?
So I am asking you --

What is the single most
valuable add-on I can provide

To make this wedding
reasonably special?

Fireflies.
Fireflies.

As in bugs?
Lightning bugs.
They're incredibly romantic.

They're beetles.

The whole point
of their bioluminescence

Is to attract a mate.

I mean, that's their
whole reason for living.

And that's the most important
part of our wedding.

But you guys have already
attracted a mate.

Oh, but we want someone
to hook up at our wedding.

Yeah, if someone hooks up
at your wedding,

It's a good omen.

And anyone
who cares about me knows

That I am very superstitious
when it comes to omens --

Good or bad.

Malik: if lisa were to find out
my parents aren't coming,

She'd think
it was a bad omen.

Is there any chance of your
mom and dad coming around?

I really don't think so.

That being said,

I have a slightly awkward
question to ask you.

Oh. Okay.

[ Chuckles ]
well, right.

Well, look, man,
the, uh -- the wedding night

Doesn't have to be
about that.

You know, you guys could
just order in, watch a movie,

And then
when it feels right --

Oh, no, no. No, no.
It's -- it's not that.

That, I don't need
any help with.

Oh. Good for you.

I was wondering if maybe you
could walk me down the aisle.

Does the groom
get walked down the aisle?

What? You want me
to walk alone?

No. No.

I don't want that
at all.

But [sighs] I got to believe
your parents --

Listen, my parents
are boycotting this wedding.

My entire family is.

If you don't want to
walk with me, it's --
are you kidding me?

I absolutely
want to walk with you.

Please. I'll walk you silly.
[ Chuckles ]

I'll walk like an egyptian
if you want me to.

Just regular walking
is fine.

Well, I got that.

So, the price you're quoting me
is for the pupa?

And there's no guarantee

That they'll hatch
before the wedding?

I'm sorry. I can't do that.
That's insane.

That's more than
plated dinner service. No deal.

[ Speaking french ]
but midway through french,
it was still nagging at me.

maybe I had made
the wrong choice.
students: oui.

maybe I was supposed to
gamble on the pupa.

why did romance feel
like a foreign language

i was unable to speak?

I was fluent in it once before.

and it was still
happening all around me.

[ Wind blows ]

[ Whimsical music plays ]

jacob accidentally
dropping his papers

so he could lock eyes
with elise.

or the way
mademoiselle mimi looked,

bathed in the afternoon sun.

[ Woman sings in french ]

and was that an accident,
or was it fate?

And more importantly, where did
that sexy janitor come from?

apparently,
love was in the air.

[ Wink! ]

And I owed it to lisa and malik
to stop thinking with my head

and start thinking with my...

Pupa!

You heard me!
Give me every one you've got!

The heart wants what it wants.

And in this case,
it's baby beetles.

Okay. Here are
her dental records.

As you can see, she had
a cleaning three months ago,

So you should be set
until summer.

Uh, this is her, uh,
menses calendar.

She's on a -day cycle.

Uh, the red dot indicates
when the curse commences.

Now, about the week before,
I would, uh --

Pretty much steer clear.
[ Laughing ] yes.

Just stay out of her way.
That's a wise man.

Oh! She had
that stomach flu last month,

Got pretty dehydrated.

Yeah, uh, but we topped off
all her fluids.

Yes.
And she shouldn't
be giving you any problems.

No. Yeah.
Okay.
Should be
running smoothly.

Thanks, mom.
Thanks, dad.

[ Sobs ]

Oh, dear. I'm sorry.

I don't know
how that slipped out.

[ Chuckles ]
I usually keep my emotions

Buried deep within
my rectouterine pouch,

But, uh,
this is very unexpected.

Fred can be emotional
at times.

Me, I'm your rock.
[ Laughs ]

How are your folks
doing with all this?

Uh, you know what?
I -- I should get going.

It's getting late, and I still
got to file all this stuff.

Malik, I can't tell you
how delighted

We are to welcome you
into our family.

And I think I speak
for all the shays when I say --

No backsies!

[ Laughs ]

That is exactly
what I was gonna say!

No backsies!
[ Laughs ]

unbeknownst to the shays,

malik still wasn't speaking
to his parents.

but with
the wedding approaching,

george knew he had to.

I don't know if you guys
have made a decision

About attending
the wedding or not,

But, as someone who has spent
a fair amount of time

Estranged
from his own daughter,

I can tell you,
it is not worth it.

We're worried about him,
george.
Yeah.

We're worried that he's biting
off more than he can chew.

And he --
he probably is.

Look, marriage is -- is tough
no matter what age you are,

But having the support
of your family can help.

Why not give him
every advantage?

Oh, he had
every advantage, george.

That child
had every advantage.

Miles, not now.

Please, miles. Take it easy.
It's time for your bath.

Okay. But I'm not getting
my hair wet.

That's fine.

[ Sighs ]
kids and their afros.

Ah.
Don't get me started.

So, george,
if tessa decided tomorrow

That she was ready
to tie the knot --

I'd be terrified,
tracy, yes.

And I would
be sick about it.

But I'll tell you
one thing --

No one would walk her down
that aisle other than me.

the stage was set --
french music,

fireflies that, with any luck,
would hatch, le macaron...

and my ex-boyfriend, ryan.

[ Whimsical music plays ]

seeing him standing there,

it all came flooding back
to me --

the racing heart,
the sweaty palms,

the feeling of magic.

and in that moment,
i was fluent again!

[ Woman singing in french ]

June: tessa.

What the hell
was that out there?
What the hell was what?

What are you doing?
What am I doing?!

I'm on to you, bitch.
Okay, that's not
a nice thing to say.

You think I don't see
what's happening?

You creating this
super-romantic environment --

For lisa and malik
to get married in!

Looking extra cute.
No! I always
look this cute!

With that one
stupid tendril.
This? Okay.

This is not a tendril.

This is a flyaway.

Bull crap!

Stop trying
to french my boyfriend

'Cause it
ain't gonna happen.

Only one of us is leaving here
alone tonight, and that's you.

[ Door opens ]
june was right.

[ Door closes ]
it wasn't appropriate.

ryan was her boyfriend now --
not mine.

and it was time to let go.

[ Knock on door ]
malik: lisa?

No. Don't come in!

It's bad luck for us
to see each other.

I don't believe
in bad luck.

Wow.

I'm glad I came in.

You look beautiful.
Oh.

So do you.

Well, it's time
to get started.

We can't get started.
Your family isn't here.

You're wrong.

My family is here.

Right here.

But where
are your mom and dad?

It, um -- it doesn't look
like they're coming.

And, look, before you say
it's a bad omen,

It's -- it's -- it's not.

It just means
that it's you and me now.

Forever and always.

But I already knew that.

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, oh, sorry.
You ready, buddy?

You know it.
All right.

[ Humming
"walk like an egyptian" ]

[ Chuckles ]
I said we weren't gonna
do that.

You look dapper, mr. Shay.
Oh.

Mwah!
Thank you.

Oh, there she is.

Lisa, what's wrong?

Malik's parents...
Aren't coming.

They aren't coming
to the wedding.

I guess they don't want me
to be in their family.
What?!

Fred,
let me handle this.

Let me tell you something,
young lady.

If those people don't realize

That you are the sweetest,
kindest, most loving wife

That their son
could ever hope for,

Then screw 'em, lisa.

Sincerely, screw 'em.

Because malik landed
in the tall grass.

And that's the truth.

[ Inhales sharply ]
mom, thanks.

sheila shay
wasn't the only one to prove

that sometimes your parents
can surprise you.

Dad?

You didn't think
I was gonna let

Some other man walk my son
down the aisle.

Thanks.

You're still not getting
the money next year.
Oh, edmond, please.

[ Applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand for the bride.

[ Rich homie quan's
"type of way" plays ]

[ Echoing ]
♪ think it's a game?

♪ My...been hustling,
trying to make him something ♪

♪ Ain't no telling
what he'll do for the paper ♪
i knew lisa was crazy
about malik, and she proved it

when she walked down the aisle
to rich homie quan.

♪ I know
♪ that car I'm driving
make you feel some type of way ♪

♪ That custom breitling make you
feel some type of way ♪

♪ All shiny
♪ this...i'm with got me
feeling some type a way ♪

♪ Okay
♪ is it 'cause my homey's rich
you feel some type of way? ♪

♪ That right, too
♪ some type of way,
make you feel some type of way ♪

♪ Okay, now let's be real, I
know you feel some type of way ♪

♪ I think you love it

Hey.

Hey.

I didn't know
where you wanted me.

How about right there?

In the audience?

People aren't gonna
be able to see me there.

I think that's okay.

All right,
you can go ahead and...

Friends, family, lisa,
malik, welcome.

Tonight we come together
to witness

The commitment of lisa shay
and malik lefrique.

Wait.
Your last name's lefrique?

George:
okay. Hey. Shh.

Lisa, do you take malik

To be your
lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

Malik, do you take lisa
to be your wife?

I do.

and within moments,
it was over.

lisa and malik were married.
and it was perfect.

By the power vested in me
by new york state

And the firm of
lansky, lansky & schulman,

I now pronounce you --
dalia: wait!

I have something really
important I need to say.

A speech?

I lost my glasses,
you guys.

I seriously
lost my glasses.

If you could all look
around you or under your seat.

I wouldn't make
such a big deal,

But they're
prescription sunglasses.
Oh! Prescription.

Yeah.
And I seriously, seriously
need them, you guys.

Okay, you can finish.

[ Sighs ]
...husband and wife!

Mazel tov!

[ Gasps, chuckles ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

We did it. [ Laughs ]
we got it.

[ Kat edmonson's "lucky" plays ]

Man: yeah, malik!

Yeah!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hmm

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Mm, mm

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Happiness feels like this

♪ Your heart upon sleeve

Most romantic
night ever, tessa.

♪ There's a place
thank you.

♪ In time and space
my pleasure.

[ Inhales deeply ]

♪ Where we can all be free
I hoped it would be.

What?

♪ So meet me
at the rainbow's end ♪
don't tell june, but...

I was secretly hoping
it would be you and ryan

That hooked up
at our wedding.

♪ We don't even
have to pretend ♪

Well, sorry to disappoint you,
but that's not going to happen.

No.

♪ We're looking for
but a girl can dream.

♪ Life is just a dream
I love you, tessa.

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh
love you.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, lucky you,
lucky, lucky me ♪

Go.
Okay.

♪ Life is just a dream
tess?

Hey!

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh
you okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

♪ Lucky you
I was actually
just gonna go get some, um...

♪ Lucky, lucky me
I was actually gonna go
get an ice bucket.

Could you maybe get me one
from across the street?

Yeah, sure.

[ Whistling ]

[ Laughter ]

♪ Have you found

Hello?
Dallas: hello?

♪ Higher ground
dallas?

♪ Or are you lost at sea?
That was
a beautiful wedding.

I -- I wondered
where you were.

♪ Do you know
I didn't want to jinx it.
I'm bad luck at weddings.

♪ Where you go
okay, that is ridiculous.

It isn't!
It's true.

♪ Is where I want to be
well, you --
you look very nice.

Oh! Thank you.

♪ So cast your troubles
into the sky ♪
wait, you dressed this nicely
to hide in the bushes?

You know I did.

[ Laughs ] I can't believe
how superstitious

Everyone in chatswin is.

I hear lisa thinks if two people
don't hook up at her wedding,

The entire marriage
will be jinxed.

Now,
that's ridiculous.

That's what I said!
That's what I'm saying.

♪ Life is just a dream
yeah.

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh
we're both saying
the same thing.

♪ Oh, oh, lucky you

♪ Lucky, lucky me

♪ Life is just a dream

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Mm, mm, mm, mm

♪ Lucky, lucky me