03x03 - Chapter 29

[bunniefuu]

- Viktor Petrov!
- Fascist jerk-off!

- Viktor Petrov!
- Fascist jerk-off!

This is what the freedom
to assemble looks like!

Stop silencing the press!

Stop persecuting the opposition!

Stop imprisoning people
simply because they're gay!

You're destroying Russia's future!

When Petrov's motorcade arrives,

have the band already playing
as loud as they can.

I'll speak to the colonel.

- What about the p*ssy Riot girls?
- I briefed them myself.

Here's a list of the issues
they want you to discuss with Petrov.

- We're good to go.
- Tell them I did.

Sure it's a good idea
to have them at the dinner?

It's a smart idea.
They're dissidents.

They've been nothing but a pain
in Petrov's ass.

He wants to co-opt them
with a photo? Fine.

If it's important to him,
it's important to me.

- Bob.
- Mr. President.

We have to get these amendments
out of committee.

Get AmWorks on the floor.

We might be able to squeeze
a couple through, but not all seven.

Then restructure the funding.

sh**t for one amendment
in one committee.

Try Ways and Means.

The Republicans
will never go for a lump sum.

We have to split it up
into jurisdictional parts.

When I announced America Works,
I promised ten million jobs.

- Maybe it's time to lower expectations.
- No, look--

Pardon me, sir.
President Petrov's motorcade is 15 out.

- Thank you.
- I'll let you go.

Bob, we have a few more minutes.
Please sit down.

You have a lot on your plate today.

Why don't we pick it up tonight
at the state dinner?

Looking forward to it, Mr. President.

What is the face of a coward?

The back of his head
as he runs from the battle.

- Welcome, Mr. President.
- Thank you, Mr. President.

This is your first visit
to the White House?

Yes, yes.
But my third president.

I have reviewed your proposal
for the Jordan Valley.

Impressive.

So you liked the proposal?

The answer is no.

It's not a joke, Mr. President.

I have no interest whatsoever
in pursuing your plan.

The Jordan Valley
is the trees instead of the forest.

And this bilateral approach,
it's... alienating.

I don't often see eye to eye
with Ms. Caspi,

but it does feel like
you're asking the state of Palestine

to support a plan without
having a seat at the table.

Well, our goal is to soften Russia,

to bring them in as a partner first--

If we can get the Russians
to agree to a joint force,

monitor the valley together,
then they're invested.

They won't be a thorn in our side
when we move forward--

How can we count on the Russians?

Does your husband truly
believe he can trust Petrov?

The president is optimistic.

All we ask is that you
remain open-minded.

I hope you'll convey our dissatisfaction
directly to your husband.

I'll be sure to share your concerns.

Ambassador Underwood
will remain in contact with both of you.

I shouldn't have
interrupted you earlier.

In the meeting.
It was out of place,

and I should have let you
do all the talking.

It's fine.

I know you have doubts about me.

The recess appointment.
We haven't discussed it.

- And we should.
- It really isn't necessary.

It is an unorthodox dynamic, yes.
You will always be the First Lady.

This is your plane, after all.
But we can work around that.

Yes, I know,

but I want you to know that--

Mrs. Underwood,
the president is on the line.

- Hi.
- Hey. How'd it go?

- Should we conference Cathy in?
- No, just tell me.

A lot of pushback. They aren't happy.

Well, they'll get on board
when the time comes.

- What about you?
- He said no.

- First word out of his mouth.
- No to everything?

Oh, he might just be playing mind
games, trying to throw me off balance,

but this is a guy who was brought up
through the KGB, after all.

We're gonna have to have you
and Cathy use the light touch.

- We need to massage this.
- Let's include her in this phone call.

No, just tell her.
I have to go in soon.

It's important we don't bypass her.

If it looks like we're
leaving her out of the loop, Francis...

All right, put her on.

I can't tell you how much
it would mean to the team.

To have your qualifications,
your expertise on board.

Even just having your name
on the website.

I appreciate your saying that,
Congressman.

Brad. Please.
Congressman's what the interns call me.

All right. Brad it is.

Now as for your title,
I was thinking Special Advisor?

- Title doesn't matter to me.
- You pick what you want.

And you make your own hours.
Come and go as you like.

Uh, compensation,
would 220 a year work for you?

The cap is 173.

Well, the extra 50K
would come out of my re-election fund.

I mean, you deserve more than the cap.

- That's a very generous offer.
- Well, I expect you to earn it.

I really want
to make my mark this session.

- That's more than Underwood paid me.
- I'm sorry?

When I was his chief of staff,
I made the cap.

He never came anywhere near 220.

Well, like I said, I think you deserve--

It's too much money, Congressman.

Well, I disagree, but,

hey, I'm not gonna argue
if you want to get paid less.

As I was saying, this transpo bill,

we really have an opportunity
to make a difference.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the session is over.

Please, right this way.
Thank you for coming.

I hear you've recently taken up surfing.

We have a few spots on the Black Sea.

It's mostly so I can pose
for the photos.

Yes, I've seen them.

It plays well with the young people.

It's important they see
their president has some fun,

doesn't take himself too seriously.

I have a gift for you.

I'm sorry for the delay.

I hope we didn't keep you
waiting too long.

Shall we?

This was handmade by Tomas Vu,
a very talented American artist.

He laser-etches images on one side,
and on the other side...

- he puts Beatles lyrics.
- Uh-huh.

Hm. Back in the USSR.

It's a museum piece,
but you can still ride it.

You should come out
to my dacha in Sochi sometime.

We'll surf together.

The water is cold as hell, but...
the women are very warm.

Oh, I'm not sure what Claire
would think about that.

Well, bring her along.

It's crawling with artists out there.

She might find something she likes.

Mr. President, I'm intrigued.

The first thing you say to me
is "no" the second you arrive,

and the next moment
you're inviting me to your dacha.

Who am I dealing with?

I believe I was clear when we first met.
What confuses you?

Our delegations have been discussing
these issues for months.

Yes, but discussions
are not the same as commitment.

And, uh, I'm telling you now.

There will be no commitment.

You could've told me that on the phone.

I assumed you were undoing
an insult by having me here.

What insult is that?

Two of your predecessors
never invited me to Washington.

This summit is not just for show.

I want to make meaningful strides
toward peace.

The Middle East is hopeless.
History tells us that.

I'm offering you
the chance to make history.

I'll be honest with you,

because you've been kind enough
to invite me to your country.

Russia has nothing to gain
from peace in the Middle East.

And more importantly, nothing
to gain from working with America.

Israel has always distrusted us.

- You expect that to change?
- We expect to build trust over time.

How was your meeting
with the ambassadors this morning?

Ambassador Aruri called me.

They have their doubts, but we
encouraged them to keep an open mind.

He described it as grave concerns.

They will acclimate
as soon as we establish--

Has your husband made direct overtures
to Israel and Palestine?

All formal communication has been
handled through the State Department.

But your husband can't possibly
believe they'll comply.

Gentlemen,
for the purposes of these talks,

I'd appreciate it if you refer to him
as the president, not as my husband.

Of course, Madam Ambassador.

And you really should be addressing
Secretary Durant.

She speaks on his behalf more than I do.

Our apologies, Madam Secretary.
Please, continue.

We'd like to finish reviewing
the specifics, so page 12, please.

Mr. President, we're already
working together on several fronts:

nonproliferation,
the w*r on Terror, North Korea.

I don't see any reason that
the Middle East should be any different.

- Because it's an American plan.
- It's not an American plan.

- I'm promising equal terms.
- Oh, promises.

Carter promised equal involvement,
then shut us out of Camp David.

- Clinton did the same with Bosnia.
- I'm the president now.

That won't happen this time.

Until 18 months from now,
when you are replaced.

I'm jealous, Viktor.

You don't answer to anyone.
You have no real opposition.

You know exactly how
every election is gonna turn out.

Well, it's not like that
in the United States.

I'm not running because I can do things
a candidate can't do, like this proposal.

Please, Mr. President,
we both know you'll run.

Now, whether you win...
Who knows?

Brass tacks. If you could have anything,
what would it be?

I came with nothing to ask.

Men like you don't show up for dinner
without an appetite.

It was a long flight, Mr. President.

How about we stop here for now.

I rest my eyes a bit and put some
thought into this with a fresh mind.

Maybe I'll...
think of something I want.

- We'll talk more later, at dinner.
- Of course, if that's what you prefer.

He knows exactly what he wants,
but he needs to be wooed.

Progress, nonetheless.

You can't turn a "no" to a "yes"
without a "maybe" in between.

Gentlemen...

Deputy Director coming through.

Orsay? Come with me, please.

We got Asher.

Two-thirty this morning.
He was scared to death.

By 2:45, he gave us six terabytes
of compressed files.

All 25 million AT&T users.

You hid your goodies
with the wrong person.

- He wasn't the only one.
- I think he was.

You can't arrest me for charges
that have already been dropped.

Relax. No one's arresting you.

From the reports I've been getting,
you've been doing an excellent job for us.

If you stay straight, sky's the limit.

Bigger assignments.
Manage your own team.

You know I wouldn't be here
if I had a choice.

But you do have a choice.

You can make the most
of this second chance if you want to,

but... you have to prove you want it.

- Names.
- That's all I've ever wanted.

No.

Asher's going to give up names.

- He wouldn't do that.
- He might.

Let's hope none of them tell us about
anything we didn't charge you for.

You have a future here, Gavin.

All right. Back to it.

Keep up the good work.

We have to wine and dine.

- Charm them senseless.
- Them? Who's the other?

Birch. He's sitting on AmWorks
like his ass is afraid of the sun.

Please don't make me talk to Bob.

You just focus on Petrov.
I'll deal with Bob.

Excuse me, sir. We're all set.

President Petrov is in the Yellow Oval.

Thank you, Calista.

I think I may need to do
some damage control with Cathy.

- Why?
- I've been trying to be deferential,

but I think it's coming off
as patronizing.

- Well, that was the risk.
- I know.

Is she feeling threatened?

Threatened, no.
Possibly overshadowed.

I think I'm getting too much attention
and it's tough to be effective

when I don't have Cathy on my team,
so I may need to win her over.

Well, let's not forget
where the focus is tonight.

Since when can't I do
two things at once?

- You're crooked.
- What?

- Ready for battle.
- Yes.

The Vice President of the United States,
Donald Blythe.

- Mr. President. Welcome.
- Mr. Vice President.

Thank you.

President Petrov, welcome.

It's a pleasure.

Hi. You look beautiful.

Oh, it's serviceable.

- You look fantastic, as always.
- Thank you.

All eyes at the table
will be on you, not them.

Senator Mendoza.
Soon to be candidate Mendoza.

- The rumor mill begins.
- You started with Reagan, no?

Staffed on his '84 campaign.

He has a portrait of the Gipper
in his office wearing a cowboy hat.

Hm. When men were men. Hm?

Bob, I had a thought. Dave Blanchek
is on Armed Services and--

I don't want to hold up the line.

- Mr. President, a pleasure.
- I want to move Birch.

Put Mendoza next to me instead.

Alan. You clean up well.

Class by association.

- Where's your date?
- I don't have one.

- I can walk you in too, if you'd like.
- No. Wouldn't want to ruin the picture.

Ah, our special guests.

I'm so delighted
you could be with us.

Thank you so much for coming.
Mr. President.

It's taken us too long
to sit at the same table.

Did you discuss
our issues in the closed talks?

We discussed many things.

But specifically our concerns?

Was anything on our list discussed?

- Why don't we take a photo first?
- Good idea. Hm?

Viktor, tell me. Are you in love?

I don't know about...
love, but...

I'm learning to enjoy being divorced.

Which translates into:

"Howdy, and please
don't steal the silverware."

Now that I have exhausted
all of the Russian I know,

Claire and I would like to welcome
all of you to the White House,

as we host President Petrov
in this historic state visit.

A century ago, a century and a half ago,

de Tocqueville wrote, in regards
to America and Russia, the following:

"Their point of departure
and their paths diverse,

nevertheless, each seems called

by some secret desire of Providence,

to one day hold in their hands
the destinies of half the world."

Well, I'd like to amend that tonight
and say, not just half the world,

the entire world looks to us
for leadership.

So, to President Petrov,
and all of the great things

that our great nations
will do together.

- Mr. President.
- Hear, hear!

Which is Russian for,
"Never trust the French."

And thank you to the president and First
Lady for your grace and hospitality.

Now, a little more recently
than de Tocqueville,

about, uh, 30 years ago,

Mikhail Gorbachev came
to this very house

and talked of an end
to our "winter of discontent."

I think it's safe to say that
that winter seems far gone now.

And here, on this beautiful May evening,
I welcome a "spring of enchantment."

Now we all know which of you
brings the enchantment to the table.

To you, Mrs. Underwood.

- And, of course, your lesser half.
- Ah, thank you.

Now I'd like to toast three others
in this room tonight.

Nadya Tolokonnikova,
Masha Alyokhina,

and Pyotr Verzilov.

Now, I know we had our differences.

But I also know they come
from something we all share:

a deep love of our country.

To you. And to Russia.

Mr. President, Nadya and Masha
would like to make a toast.

To Viktor Petrov,
whose loyalty runs so deep

he's given his friends
half of the country.

Who's so open to criticism,
that most of his critics are in prison.

You made your point.

Now, please, sit and let us all

drink and laugh,
like true Russians do. Hm?

Well, Mr. President,

this is proof why you made the
right decision never to have children.

My staff prepped them.

- They assured us.
- It's nothing.

- I admire your grace.
- Please. Not another word.

I knew p*ssy Riot was a bad idea.

- You should go.
- No. Best thing is not to comment.

It lowers us to their level.

Juice or soda?

Diet something, if you got it.

Who are they?

My brother's kids.

Adorable.

- I got a job offer.
- Yeah? Where?

Brad Petite. Special Advisor.

From Hawaii.

- Junior congressman?
- That's right.

I like him. He's a good guy.
He's ambitious.

He offered me a lot of money.

- Yeah?
- Two-twenty.

Jesus.

That's more than I would ever make
at the White House.

- You arrange the job?
- No.

Did the president?

- What are you talking about?
- Don't bullshit me, Seth.

This is the first I'm hearing about it.

Who's the senior congressman
from Hawaii?

Chair of Appropriations.

I know him,
I'm just drawing a blank right now.

It's not him, it's a her.

Francine Tenaka.
And if you don't know who Tenaka is,

there's no reason you should know
who Brad Petite is,

or that he's ambitious or a good guy.

This job offer came from you
or the president.

And I'm telling you that it didn't.

Well, I'm turning it down.

You tell the president that I'm ready
to come back whenever he needs me.

I don't need training wheels.

I need you to work on Birch
while you're here.

See if you can get that list
of possible candidates.

I don't think putting him down
the far end of the table's

put him in a very chatty mood.

Refrigeration.
Are you talking about refrigeration?

- No.
- Re-bridge nations.

We need to re-bridgenate ourselves
so we'll more trust each other.

Da? Yes.

Let's get these amendments
out of committee.

Not all of them, just some of them.

The Speaker would go ballistic
if I started meddling in the House.

Not if it means he's going to battle
with the presumptive nominee.

He knows where his bread is buttered.

You shove your wife's recess appointment
down my throat, now you want my help?

I had to fill the post.

And you have a city
full of career diplomats.

Her appointment was
a slap in the Senate's face.

Let's not get hung up
on appointments, all right?

Hector, whatever
you want me to sign, I'll sign.

I will not hold a veto over your head.

You can veto whatever you want.
Just helps our case in 2016.

Excuse me.

Which is more intoxicating,
this wine or Claire Underwood?

How often do you use that line?

- Not as often as you use yours.
- Which line is that?

"Viktor, are you in love?"

President Descoteaux told me you asked
him the same thing when he was here.

I believe my husband quoted a Russian
author the night he gave that toast.

- Don't say, uh... Tolstoy?
- Pushkin.

"A deception that elevates us
is dearer than a host of low truths."

Ah... He didn't make that toast.

- No, he didn't.
- No, no.

Tell me, do you
actually know your Pushkin,

or did you just study up
before I arrived?

Does it really matter?

So, this is what he does?

He leaves the seduction to you.

Isn't there a...
a word for that in English? Um...

- For what?
- "Pimping," yes?

He's pimping you out.

How charming you are.

Thank you.

And you make a much better First Lady
than ambassador,

from what my people tell me.

Only teasing.

More wine... for the ambassador.

Please.

I'm gonna have to go
in a couple minutes.

Ah!

Mr. President, my gift for you.

Best vodka in the world.

Osobaya Sayanskaya.

Solid gold.

Each one of these bottles is 750,000.

Now, a toast.

To friendship, to good food,

and to Leo Tolstoy, who said,

"If you want to be happy, be."

Drink!

Ah!

Now... you sniff your bread.

Say "Nu."

Nu!

Then whistle.

Sniff your sleeve.

And... eat your pickle.

Now, why we do all this?

No one knows.

Again!

- Oh, no. Now, Mr. President.
- Mm, mm!

Now, you, Mr. Vice President.

- A toast!
- Oh! Uh... Um...

Uh, to, uh... further cooperation

between our two countries
and, uh... continued... uh...

Oh, hell. Here's how!

Again!

Now, you... Mrs. Underwood.

To President Petrov and his...

little pickle.

Drink!

Again!

♪ They only had the rhythm so ♪

♪ They started swaying to and fro ♪

♪ They didn't know just what to use ♪

♪ This is how the blues ♪

♪ Really began ♪

Mr. President,
why don't you come up and join me?

Oh, no, no, no.

- Come on.
- It's your show.

I know you can sing.
I know you can sing.

Come on.

All right, well, I almost...
I almost know this song.

I'm not so sure.
Uh, how's it go now?

- They heard the breeze.
- ♪ They heard the breeze ♪

♪ Through the trees ♪

♪ Singin' weird melodies ♪

♪ And they made that ♪

♪ The start of the blues ♪

♪ And then they nursed it ♪

♪ And they rehearsed it ♪

♪ And they
They gave out the news ♪

- ♪ That the Southland ♪
- ♪ The Southland ♪

♪ Gave birth to the blues ♪

♪ That the Southland ♪

♪ Gave birth to the blues ♪

That's all I have...

Beautiful.
Beautiful, Mr. President.

Now... now, Mr. Cincotti,

uh, you might not know this one.

But, um... it's easy to follow. Hm?

Um... You have a C for me?

You offered vetoes for sale to Mendoza?

Bob, shh... the president's singing.

Is that why you sat him next to you?

Bob, as you said,
the Republicans control Congress.

Any luck with Birch?

No list yet.
I'll keep working him.

Where's Dr. Cooke?

He got called away to surgery.

Save it for Svetla.

That's not her name.

She looks like a Svetla.

Hey!

Well, I don't think we can end
the evening on a higher note,

so I want to thank you all for coming,

for the singing
and the dancing and the vodka.

But most especially to my friend,
Peter Cincotti.

Thank you.

Coming all the way here
to the White House.

Thank you. Thank you!
Thank you for a wonderful evening.

Wonderful.
And thank you to you, Mr. Cincotti.

Thank you. Thank you.

Your motorcade is ready, Mr. President.

I'll walk you out.

But first, I want to show you something.
Come with me.

- We'll be right down, Calista.
- Yes, sir.

What if I get you transferred?
To some other agency.

It doesn't matter
who I work for. He'll find a way.

How much do you care about staying here?

- What, DC?
- In this country.

I'd have been long gone if they didn't
put a travel lock on my passport.

So let's unlock it.

Is that something you can do?
If I get you what you want?

I need to know exactly where she is.

Not a state. Not a city.
An address.

If I use the Bureau's software and
get caught, I'll give them your name.

I understand.

All right.

Tell me everything you know about her.

Good night.

- How about a night cap?
- Oh, it's late.

And I haven't had that much vodka
since college.

Tulane, right?

So they tell me.
It's all a bit of a blur.

What did you drink in school?
Hurricanes?

Oh, we weren't barbarians.
Scotch, no ice.

Oh... Two Chivas, neat.

Cubans. Smuggled in.

I thought you might
appreciate the irony.

Ah. I do.

Ah. And where does this lead?

Basement entrance.

The Nixon kids would
bring their dates up this way.

Kennedy probably used it
for similar reasons.

Well, you know, now that I'm divorced,

I don't have to sneak anyone
in and out of the palace.

They can come through the front door.
With some dignity.

Well, dignity's a bit overrated
for a mistress, don't you think?

Ah... you know,
a woman like your wife, for example,

would certainly make it worthwhile.

Do you kiss the wife
of every president you meet?

Oh. Not every president's wife
looks like yours.

I'd push him down the stairs
and light his broken body on fire

just to watch it burn,
if it wouldn't start a world w*r.

- May I?
- Of course.

Well, do you think
they'll ever come around?

Oh, I don't know.

There'll be more summits,
a hundred CoDels.

They'll ping-pong back and forth
for months before Petrov shows his hand.

- What?
- Nothing.

Tell me.

I was just picturing Bugakov
playing ping-pong.

Bugayev?

Imagine him playing beer pong.

Then these negotiations would be over.

You are looking at the Delta Phi
beer pong champion.

- No.
- Yes.

Both sophomore and junior years.

And what happened senior year?

Well, I had to start studying
for law school.

Well, I wasn't... a champion.

- I wasn't too bad, though.
- You?

Mm-hm.

- I think we should play.
- What?

Oh, you can't be serious.

Excuse me? Can you ask housekeeping
to bring us some ping-pong balls, please?

I have got to go home.

We'll be playing by Harvard rules.

You have to admire their fearlessness.

None of them understand, do they?

What it takes to govern.

They scream and yell
and stomp their feet,

but if they had to spend
just one day in our shoes,

the weight we carry on our shoulders...

Like, um... the Middle East?

Oh, I know why we're here,
smoking our cigars.

- And?
- You're not going to like it.

Yes! Ha-ha!

Drink up.

Okay. For the Crimson.

Damn!

Yes! I still got it.

You don't have to drink that.

I accept your mercy.

And I am going to leave
before you challenge me to a rematch.

You're not even gonna give me a sh*t
at winning in my own house?

First rule of diplomacy:
stop while you're ahead,

which is what I should've done,
after that third vodka of Petrov's.

What do you think of him?

Petrov? I don't know.

You were the one
who talked to him all night.

Well, I didn't have much of a choice.

So, not a fan?

I think he's very intelligent.
And he has a charm.

That kiss was... too much.

No, that's just pushing buttons.

The Russians love to do that.

Good night.

I don't think he's to be trusted, Cathy.

Especially after tonight.
And it made me think...

Go on.

It made me wonder about Francis' plan.

I'm not sure that it's a good idea
to be partnered with Petrov.

In the meantime,
we alienate Israel and Palestine.

Well... between you and me, I agree.

Sit with me.

What would you do differently?

Well...

If the goal is to get troops
into the Jordan Valley,

well, then there's more than one way
to skin that cat.

A multinational force?

I would go through the UN.

Peacekeeping?

You wouldn't get past Russia's veto.

There might be a way, but...

you'd have a lot of responsibility
on your shoulders.

Well, if you can give me guidance,
I'm sure I can handle it.

There is precedent
with the Uniting for Peace Resolution.

We used it to get around
the Russians for the Korean w*r.

- The whole thing?
- From Poland to the UK.

I want the entire
m*ssile defense system gone.

You know that's there to defend
against North Korea, against Iran.

And far closer
to my borders than theirs.

I'm asking for a few thousand troops
in the Jordan Valley.

You're asking me to dismantle
Europe's defense system.

What you're really asking for
is American forces

just south of the Caucasus.

You must have a strategic play in mind.

This is about stability in the region.

You're trying to consolidate
your foothold in the region. Hm?

The Black Sea, Kazakhstan,
Chechnya, Crimea.

So, please...
don't insult me with peace.

Whatever your strategic goals may be,
the m*ssile defense system is mine.

Viktor, I invited you to Washington
with pure intentions,

so that we could break bread
and learn to trust one another.

Francis, I don't get softened up

by a nice dinner
and dancing with a beautiful woman.

You asked me what I want.

Well... I told you.

I'll tell you what.

It's my turn to get some sleep.

Let's att*ck all this with a fresh mind.

We've barely smoked our cigars.

We're not men of excess, though, are we?

Aren't we?

No, no.

No, you're right.

Enough smoke for one evening.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

Try to meet him halfway.

Cathy and I were talking.

Maybe the Israelis
and the Palestinians are right.

We should consider starting with them.

Use the United Nations
to put pressure on Russia.

- How?
- Uniting for Peace.

General Assembly overrides
a Russian veto in the Security Council.

Well, that'll just antagonize them
even if it works. And it won't.

Well, it might work.
Cathy seems to think it could.

I thought you believed in this plan.

We were just...
brainstorming alternatives.

Well, I've worked too hard on it
just to abandon it.

Okay, you know best.

Do you mind?

What?

The light.

Francis.

He's a thug.

Smart, but he's still a thug.

Don't cower to him.

Where I come from, we drop a raw egg
into some tomato juice and drink that.

Luckily, I don't come from there.

That's a perfect job for Doug.
I can't imagine why he'd turn it down.

He thinks we were behind it.

I told him we weren't,
but I don't think he believes me.

Said he doesn't need training wheels.

Well, I want you to still stop in
from time to time and see him.

Yes, sir.

Is the Secretary of Defense here?
Send him in.

- Mr. President.
- We don't have much time.

Petrov gets here in 90 minutes.
We need to talk Europe.

The answer is yes.

- To some, not all, of what you asked.
- I see.

I'm prepared
to scale back significantly.

Now, I have to speak to my team first
and my allies in NATO,

but I'm confident that we can
do something meaningful

in Poland and the Czech Republic.

Now, our people
can work out the specifics.

And whatever it is we decide
and agree on, the public cannot know.

I woke up with the taste
of those cigars in my mouth.

Thinking of Cuba and Kennedy.

I won't be humiliated
the way Khrushchev was with Turkey.

Well, you can't possibly compare what
I'm proposing to what happened then.

I can only consider a partial
scale-back if you announce it.

This press conference
is about the Jordan Valley.

The most important thing about the
missiles is the scale-back, not the PR.

My people would know
I walked away with something.

And, by announcing it,
I can keep you to your word.

I am more than
meeting you halfway, Viktor.

You know what the best part
of the fall of the Soviet Union was?

The cars.

Have you ever been in, um... a Lada?

Lada? No, I haven't.

No? Oh. It's the worst car ever built.

Tiny, little thing, you know.

Your head would hit the ceiling
when you hit a pothole.

And the heat never worked.

And no air conditioning.

You know, your skin would stick
to the seats in the summer.

It was a coffin on wheels.

But then, after the fall,
we got the Lexus.

Temperature control.
a*t*matic windows.

And so much room.

First time I f*cked my ex-wife,
in a Lexus.

You could never do that in a Lada.

No space. Huh?

You see, Mr. President.

I want the Lexus.

And you're trying to sell me a Lada.

I'll have them bring
your motorcade around.

But the... press conference.

Oh. Right!

I'd completely forgotten.

But I think we're gonna be okay
without one today.

Have a safe journey home,
Mr. President.

Thank you for your hospitality,
Mr. President.

Give me the Secretary of State.

The president will be speaking alone.
No joint conference.

The president will be out shortly.

Last night,
I had the pleasure of hosting

some very special guests
here at the White House.

True Russian patriots
who exhibit the very best

that their country has to offer.

Their names: Nadya Tolokonnikova,

Masha Alyokhina and Pyotr Verzilov.

As you're all aware,
they stood up to President Petrov,

and forced him to listen to the truths
that he didn't want to hear.

And, well, that had
a profound effect on me.

Because it made me realize
that I need to stand up to him as well.

As does our country.

When I invited the president here,
I set out hoping to find a partner.

But the demands
that President Petrov made

proves to me that peace
is not a priority for him.

Peace should not have to be bought.

Peace should be its own reward,

and we will achieve it,
with or without him.

Thank you very much.

You have thoughts
on how to bypass Russia.

The idea is to negate Russia's
veto in the Security Council.

I'll let the ambassador tell you
what we have in mind.