01x21 - Where No Dean Has Gone Before

[bunniefuu]

ADULT DEAN: Even though the term
"cool" wasn't invented in the ' s,

it was perfected then.

It seems like everything was cool...

Our cars, our fashion, our music.

Even our white presidents were cool.

♪ 'Cause you don't really love me ♪

But growing up then, you knew
there was a big difference

between who was cool and who wasn't.

[THUD] [LAUGHTER]

Shh!

Sorry about Keisa, Dean.

Yeah, it stinks she has a new boyfriend.

Look at this way...
she clearly likes cool dudes,

so you never really had a chance.

He's not that cool.

We're talking about Broderick, right?

He's the starting quarterback.

So? He's messing up
my -year plan a little.

I give them months, tops.

[SIGHS] You just got to do
what Captain Kirk did

to Edith Keeler... let her go.

He didn't let her go.
She got hit by a truck.

He had to.

[SCOFFS] She was going to change history

and the Germans were gonna win the w*r.

What are you guys talking about?

Oh, man. Did he hear us
talking about "Star Trek"?

Was he gonna make fun of us?

I thought I heard you guys
talking about "Star Trek."

You like "Star Trek"?

It's my favorite show.

For real? Us too. Wait a minute.

A cool kid thought
something we liked was cool?

[LAUGHS] Nah, there's no way.

If it's really your favorite
show, then prove it.

What happens if you place
a phaser to "stun"

but you stand too close?

That's right.

I'm not as easy to impress
as my weak-minded friends.

It can still vaporize someone.

He's right! Illogical!

I see you know your stuff.
[CHUCKLES] I can dig it.

You know, Dean's working on a model kit

for the U.S.S. Enterprise.

It has parts.

Man, you're lucky.

I've only seen those
in the Sears catalog.

Can I check it out?

To do that, you'd have to
come to my house.

[SCOFFS] Why in the world
would I wanna fraternize

with the enemy?

Broderick, don't forget
we're supposed to go

to the candy lady's house after school.

That's right.

Wait a minute. Sorry, Keisa,

but Broderick already made plans
to come to my house.

If you still wanna see
the U.S.S. Enterprise.

- Is that okay?
- I guess.

That's right, Keisa.

Your plans with your boyfriend
just got Spock-blocked.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, please,
come on, y'all know

y'all liked that one.

Ah, the sweet, sweet smell
of plastic model glue.

I liked the smell so much,

I only remember half the models
I built with it.

What was I saying?

Hey, make sure
that phaser bank's on tight.

Gonna need it to battle the Klingons.

You know, I'm kind of surprised

someone like you is into "Star Trek."

What do you mean, someone like me?

Uh, well, you know,

uh, someone who's part
of the cool crowd.

What's cooler than flying around
outer space

fighting monsters with a bad-ass dude

like Captain Kirk?

Hey, why is Captain Kirk's face
so weird?

Because he has three ears...
A left ear, a right ear,

and a final front-ear (FRONTIER).

[BOTH LAUGH]

- You're funny.
- Yeah, my friends would dig you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- I have to go.
- Can't be late for dinner.

Hey. Do you want to see
" : A Space Odyssey"

on Saturday?

I bet it's not as good as "Star Trek,"

but at least it's in space.

That's the day I usually organize

my army men into battalions,

but going one more day
won't k*ll me, so, yeah.

Never in my wildest dreams
would I have thought

Broderick would want to hang out again.

And also, going one more day
with my army men in disarray

would k*ll me.

♪

Double-check that last problem.

Uh, h-how'd you...

It sounded wrong.

[KEYS JINGLE, DOOR CREAKS OPEN]

So, how'd it go at Hines & Penny?

Come on, now.

- Don't leave us hanging.
- Um...

Cedric was right.

They are recruiting.

And I think I might be the frontrunner!

[LAUGHS]

They've even invited me... well, us...

To a company event this weekend

to meet some other members of the firm.

I'd love for you to work at the only

Black accounting firm in town.

They have a receptionist with a natural.

- Shut your mouth.
- [LAUGHS] Yes, they do!

- [LAUGHING]
- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

I know exactly how you feel, Mama.

I was invited to hang
with someone cool, too.

He's actually Keisa's new boyfriend.

And he thinks I'm funny.

That is the saddest thing I ever heard.

That is not even remotely the same.

He owes you an apology, if you ask me.

♪

♪ All I know ♪

♪ Ohhh, through the highs and the lows ♪

♪ I'mma find my way home ♪

Look at all these black faces.

Won't see this at a State
Treasury Department picnic.

What I know I wouldn't see at a
State Treasury Department picnic

is you, Bill Williams.

They put raisins
in potato salad, Lillian.

- Raisins.
- Hi, Lillian, Bill.

So glad you could make it.

- Cedric.
- Yes, sir.

This is Dean, our youngest dependent.

Our other two are at work,
earning just under the threshold

that allows them to file
as single individuals.

Oh, you... [LAUGHS]

Did you put him up to this?

I'm just speaking y'all's language.

[LAUGHING] I see.

ADULT DEAN: I'd never
seen Daddy so excited

about Mama's work before.

I guess her being at a black firm

would mean a lot to him.

Can't say that I've heard
of "racial oppression"

being an itemized deduction.

Ah, I'm just spitballing.
Just spitballing. [LAUGHS]

Bill, I think they just put
the food out.

Come on, Dean.
Let's go audit the selections.

Ah, you must've heard
that one before. [LAUGHS]

♪

[CHUCKLING] Oh, man.

So, uh, you made quite the impression

in your interview.

The partners are going to
offer you the job.

[GASPS, LAUGHS] Um...

Cedric, it will be an honor
to work for this company.

I'll give the state
my two-week notice on Monday.

Great. Are you free to join us
for a business dinner

with a potential client next weekend?

I-I can make myself free. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, and make sure you wear that dress

you wore to the interview.

Uh, why does it matter what I wear?

Oh, don't make too much of it.

We just, you know, want to
make sure you look nice.

The same reason we chose
a beautiful restaurant...

To, you know, put the client
in the right mood.

[CHUCKLES]

Look. We're trying to grow this company,

so we all do what we have to do
to land new business.

I play tennis with clients
even though I hate the game.

And this new client,
he likes pretty women

as much as I hate tennis.

♪

[SLURPS LIGHTLY]

♪

Did he say it like they want you
'cause you're good with figures

or because you have a good figure?

Honestly [SIGHS] both.

Hmm.

I mean, I'm the one who decided

to wear the dress in the first place,

so might not be so bad to wear it again.

I still don't like some man
telling my wife what to wear.

I know that's right.

How is this any different
from you showing me off

in front of your old Army buddies?

Mm, I know that's right.

Will you pick a side?
Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.

It is sexist for you or them

to tell her to dress a certain way.

What about when Mom tells you
not to wear

those skimpy outfits to parties?

I'm not dressing for boys.
I'm dressing for myself.

Those are the clothes
that make me feel good.

Yeah, I'll believe that argument
when you go to a party

with no boys. [LAUGHS]

Alright, everybody,
thank you for your opinions,

but I've made my decision.

I'm going to wear the dress.

But I'll tell them
I'm bringing my husband

so they know I won't put up
with any funny business.

I won't turn down a meal on
someone else's expense account.

Totally get how you feel,
Mama, but when Broderick said

he liked my Green Lantern
T-shirt, it was no big deal.

Stop trying to act like
you understand anything.

I understand plenty.
You don't understand.

- That is so stupid.
- You're stupid!

That's enough, you two. Okay, listen up.

The party is Saturday night,

and we're gonna be gone
most of the evening,

so we're leaving Bruce in charge.

- But why?
- Yeah, we can get along. [CHUCKLES]

[SCOFFS] Yeah, right.

Mm-hmm.

[SCOFFS]

See?

Bruce, would it be okay
if I hosted... not a party

but a "literary salon" Saturday night?

I met some new kids who get together

to read poetry
and discuss current events.

I'm worried they think
I'm all show and no go.

- Fine.
- Yes!

As long as there's just a few,
and you don't tell Mom and Dad

if I duck out to Tammy's for a minute.

[SIGHS] [REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPENS]

You know, I think
I'll have a salon, too.

Oh, hell no.

Fine. If I can't invite my friends,

then I'll just have to hang out
with Kim and hers.

[SUCKS TEETH] He can have his
little dork buddies over, too.

So we got a deal?

ADULT DEAN: Nothing sealed the
deal between the three of us

like the thr*at of mutually
assured destruction.

That's why, to this day,
no one knows what's buried

underneath that tree in the backyard.

You guys have the house
to yourselves? Cool.

That'd never happen with my mom and dad.

Even if my parents weren't there,
I still wouldn't be alone.

My Granny's ghost talks to me
through the oven.

Man, looking back now,

I sure wish we'd dug in on that
a little more.

Eh, oh, well.

Kim and Bruce said
I can invite a few people,

and Broderick's coming with Keisa.

Quick question... who do you
have a bigger crush on now,

Keisa or Broderick?

[LAUGHTER]

- Very funny.
- At least I'm man enough to admit

that I was wrong about him before.

Yeah, well, I can't Saturday.
I have to go to a bris.

What's that?

It's a ceremony for the thing
Norman never had done.

You're not supposed to look.

ADULT DEAN: Everybody looks.

Well, I'll be there.

You gotta have the guy with
the mustache at your party.

I'll be there, too, but promise me

the lights will be on
the whole time because

"When the lights dim, there's sin."

It'll be fine, Hampton.

It's only going to be a few people.

I invited a few of my friends
over. That's cool?

Uh, uh, yeah. Come on in, guys.

Uh, party's in the basement.

Look at me throwing
a cool party with cool kids.

Would it be better if Keisa was
my date and not Broderick's?

Sure. Am I still glad
she's here, though?

Damn skippy.

Did I hide the strand of her
hair I have taped on my desk?

No, I better go do that.

Did you invite all these kids?

I invited Broderick. [CHUCKLES]

Who invited the seventh-grader?

It's his house.

Well, you better make sure your
guests stay in the basement

and don't interfere with my salon.

Or I will k*ll you.

I guess Kim was trying to
impress some new friends, too.

Now, back to the subject on the table...

The futility of v*olence.

I was saying Vietnam
is the first American w*r

that can truly be considered immoral.

[FINGERS SNAPPING]

Wait, what...
what do you mean "immoral"?

Um, this is my brother Bruce.

He's on his way out.

It's obviously immoral.

I just read an editorial
in the Montgomery Gazette.

Makes a pretty convincing case.
It says that...

Well, I was just in Vietnam
for two years,

so if you want to know what's
really happening, we can talk.

♪

[MARVIN GAYE'S
"CAN I GET A WITNESS" PLAYS]

I couldn't believe Franklin
snuck beer into the party.

Didn't they know -man Parcheesi

was going to be hard enough

without being intoxicated to boot?

The gall.

♪ Is it right to be left alone ♪

- ♪ While the one you love... ♪
- Mnh-mnh! Mnh.

♪ ...is never home? ♪

It's not good for the 'stache.

♪ My friends sometimes say ♪

Don't do it, Keisa.

Be strong. Be you.

♪ I believe that a woman
should be loved that way ♪

[KEISA DRINKING LIQUID]

♪ But it hurts me so inside ♪

♪ To see her treat me so unkind ♪

♪ Somebody ♪

Uh. [CHUCKLES]
Who all wants to hear a joke?

You guys remember me telling you
how funny he is?

[CHUCKLES] No. [LAUGHS]

Um, uh, why is a guitar and a fish

so different?

♪ Can I get a witness? ♪

- Why?
- Why?

Because you can't tune a fish. (TUNA)

[LIGHT LAUGHTER]

["BABY I NEED YOUR LOVING" PLAYS]

It's time to get this party started.

Where's the make-out room?

[VOCALIZING]

Make-out room? I d... I didn't know...

I didn't... I... I... I...
I didn't think that...

It's cool. We'll just use
one of the bedrooms.

Uh, uh, um, excuse me,
hey, can... can...

Can you just stay out
of my mom and dad's room

and my sister's?

[DOOR OPENS]
Uh, how about we all just stay down here

where it's... safe?

We need some more kicks. [DOOR CLOSES]

You think the kid
who lives here will mind

if we took some of his dad's booze?

I'm the kid who lives here,
and, yes, I do mind!

Geez, just asking.

[SIGHS]

♪ I long to hold you tight ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so lonely ♪

It was nice that he asked.

[SCOFFS]

♪

YOUNG WOMAN: Oh! Ooh! Get out of there!

♪

Hey, don't touch that! [SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Hey, stop that! Get...

[SCOFFS]

♪

[SIGHS] Okay, Bruce has said his piece.

Now let's let him get back
to his stuff in...

any other room but this one.

It's unfair to draft people
and force them to fight a w*r

that has nothing to do with them.

This w*r affects all of us.

If communism gets a foothold there,

who knows where it goes next?

[FINGERS SNAPPING]

Hey, don't tell the kid who lives here,

but I'm finna boost
some of that whiskey.

- Again, I'm the kid who lives here.
- [CHUCKLES]

Sorry, man. You have one of
those easy-to-forget faces.

- Don't worry.
- I know how to take a little bit

without letting anybody find out.

And just when I thought it
couldn't get any crazier...

Of course... I love Maya Angelou.

And all the other Supremes.

[SIGHS] Yeah, excuse me,
I-I need to talk to my friend.

Hmm.

Dean, what are you doing, man?

She was into me. This better be good.

- She's . I doubt she's into you.
- Yeah?

- Then why was she staring at my 'stache?
- Look.

Broderick's friends are out of control.

Then tell them to leave.

But I-I-I can't tell them to leave.

Then Broderick will get mad
and they won't think I'm cool.

Dean, listen, man.

You're already not cool.

They're gonna find out sooner or later.

Might as well be now.

It just seems like another
example of American imperialism,

and guys like you are just pawns
in a global chess game.

Uh, hold it right there.

My brother is not a pawn.

You have no idea
the sacrifices he's made.

Wow. I had never heard Kim
defend Bruce like that before.

I think Bruce was surprised, too.

Look, there may be some truth
to what you're saying,

but y'all wasn't in the front lines.

Trust me, doing this...

[SNAPS FINGERS]

...doesn't stop b*ll*ts,
and it doesn't save lives.

But I apologize, man. I'm sorry.

Um. [SCOFFS]

I didn't mean for this to get so heated.

Are you kidding? [CHUCKLES]

This has been a gas.

You're a smart cat.

♪

And I meant no disrespect.

You had every right to lay it on me.

Next time, I'll keep it mellow.

Next time... Cool.

[GLASS SHATTERS IN DISTANCE]

- [SHOUTING, LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE]
- I got it. I got it.

Just k-k-keep on saloning.

[LOUD SWING MUSIC PLAYS]

Hey, guys. Guys.

Uh, hey, guys,
it's getting kind of late.

Maybe we should start
wrapping things up.

[SIGHS]

Guys.

Ugh.

Hey, guys, it's... [DOOR SLAMS]

BILL: Everybody get the hell
out of my house!

[MUSIC STOPS] [SIGHS]

♪

Aren't you glad you're not
the kid who lives here?

Just leave.

BILL: Let's go! Come on!

In philosophy class in college,

I studied the Prisoner's Dilemma.

But growing up with siblings,

I already knew the best strategy

was to sing like a canary.

BILL: Dean, get in here!

♪

[SIGHS]

I promise you this is all
Kim and Bruce's fault.

They're the ones... Save it.

They already ratted you out.

We are so disappointed in you.

You let strangers into our house!

Underage strangers with beer!

This is so unlike you.

You and your sister ruined
a perfectly good evening.

Your mother's work dinner went great,

then we have to come home to this?

I swear it wasn't my fault.

I-I didn't even want those kids
in there.

So they just magically appeared?

Or did you forget how to talk?

Both those excuses
were way higher on my list

than I'm comfortable admitting.

So I decided to come clean.

I j... I just wanted them
to think I was cool.

Were they blind?

What's wrong with being yourself?

"Just be yourself." Ageless wisdom

that's just as true now
as it has ever been.

Nah, buddy, she was gonna have
to come harder than that today.

You kidding me?!

You have no idea
what seventh grade is like!

That will never work!

I've been myself all year, all my life,

and where has it gotten me?

Watch your tone.

[SIGHS] It's okay, Bill.

Let him speak his mind.

And, of course, you would think
"just be yourself" would work.

You're always yourself,
and people love you for it.

♪

The whooping window is closing.

Pretty soon it's gonna be
more for me than him.

Dean, I wish those things
you said about me were accurate,

but they're not.

I am not always true to myself.

Like at dinner tonight, for example.

You were great. They loved you.

I-Is this still about the dress?

Because that didn't matter at all.

I wish it ended up being as simple

as whether or not to wear this dress,

but the truth is,
I was afraid to speak my mind

about the deal they're making
with this client.

Really? I thought
you were fully on board.

It's a horrible idea.

The client is too big
and the firm is too small

to pull it off, not even with my help.

Well, I definitely couldn't have
gotten that second dessert

if you'd have said all that.

So you didn't say anything either?

- [CABINET OPENS]
- No.

'Cause I was making justifications

- every step of the way.
- [GLASSES CLINK LIGHTLY]

Just to have a place in the firm.

♪

And it may not be seventh-grade hard,

but tomorrow, I'm going to
talk to the partners

and tell them the deal is a bad idea.

[LIQUID POURING] And moving forward,

I'm going to dress the way I want...

...and speak my mind,
whether they like it or not.

And if they're so progressive,
they can handle it.

Let's drink to that.

[SLURPS LIGHTLY]

Does somebody want to explain

why my whiskey tastes like root beer?

[CHUCKLES]

I'm so proud of you, Mom.

[LAUGHS]

♪

Mama was true to her word.

She met with Cedric and
the partners the next day.

So I decided to follow her
example and see what happens.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- Hey.
- Hey.

I'm sorry I embarrassed you
in front of your friends,

but the truth is, I-I wasn't having fun.

[SIGHS] Man.

I was so happy when your parents
broke up that party.

- You were?
- Yeah, everyone was telling me and Keisa

to go to the make-out room.

It wasn't cool. She's a nice girl.

But they're your friends.
Why didn't you just tell them to stop?

In that moment, I realized
that Broderick

was not that different from me.

He had the same insecurities
I did about fitting in.

And let's face it...

If one of us was gonna lose
his cool cred,

it was a much steeper fall for him.

There's a new "Star Trek" tonight

if you want to come watch.

I can dig it.

Did you hear? Franklin
got busted for having a beer.

He's grounded until the ninth grade.

Franklin? Ah, Franklin, Franklin.

I'm drawing a blank on his face.

[CHUCKLES]

♪

I see.

♪

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Cedric,

but if that's how
the other partners feel...

Yes, I agree it's best
we go our separate ways.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Thanks for telling me yourself. Goodbye.

I'm... I'm sorry, Lil. That's just...

[SIGHS]

Well, I'm just sorry.

[DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE]

Don't just stand there.
Go put your things away

so you can go with me to my old office

to help me pack up the rest of my boxes.

It's part of your punishment.

♪

Thanks for helping, Cliff.

Of course. Uh... [SIGHS]

I'm not gonna know what to do
around here without you, Lil.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE]

I'm gonna go ahead
and put this stuff in the car.

Lillian.

Nice to see you again.

Boy, do we miss you.

I mean, the place is already
falling apart without you.

Well, thanks for saying that.

No, I... I mean it.

Look, I know you've already
accepted the new job,

but is there any way
you'd consider staying?

If I were to get you more money?

Oh, he... he doesn't...

Well, the new company is paying me

% more than I made here.

I think I can match that.

And they said I'd have
more responsibility

and room for advancement.

You know, there's a project
to reorganize

the Birmingham office.

Well, you'd have to be
on the road a lot,

but if you did a good job,

the higher-ups
would definitely take notice,

and you could work yourself
up the ladder.

It's a deal.

Terrific. Thank you.

I still think the advice
to "just be yourself"

is as cliché as it gets.

But what my mom really taught me

was to be the best version
of myself that I could be.

You know what, Lil?

Uh, I was thinking
on the way to the car,

and, um, this ain't right.

No, no. No, this ain't right.

- Mr. Davidson!
- Uh.

No, no, no, let... let... let...
Let me handle this.

Okay? Man-to-man.

Cliff... Mr. Davidson!

Yes, Cliff?

We cannot let this woman leave.

Okay? She is too vital
of an asset to this company.

Uh, Cliff, I don't think you under...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
L-Listen to me.

We need to give her whatever
she needs to make her stay.

Hell, she can have my parking spot.

Oh, he... he doesn't know that...

Fine, Cliff. She gets your spot.

Welcome back.

You're welcome.

Uh, uh, M-Mr. Davidson?
Uh, I'm... I'm sorry. I...

♪

All that, even without
wearing that dress.