08x15 - Out of the Past

[bunniefuu]

( harmonica wails )

Okay, we're nearing
the end with me in
the lead, actually--

Followed by darlene
with

And Becky with ,

And bringing up the rear,
Mark with a personal best
of .

All right.

Darlene, you're up.

Okay.

Ah. I've got it.
I'll just put down
the y.

"buckety"?

It's not a word.

Of course it is.
It means "of or
pertaining to

Or having
the characteristics
of a bucket,"

As in "when Roseanne
is angry,

Her mouth is
quite buckety."

I'm looking it up.

Here's an interesting
bit of trivia for you,
David--

Milton bradley
was k*lled by
his girlfriend.

Okay, uh...

plus the y and
the double-letter
score is .

You wouldn't give
me "twinkie" but you
give her "buckety"?

Well, fine,
you challenge her then.

Yeah, and then i'll go
poke mom with a stick

While she's sleeping.

Oh, none of
this really matters,
'cause i'm gonna win.

( all laugh )

What's gonna be
this time, Mark--

"it" or "is"?

Read it and weep,
smart guys--

"oxygen."

Wow. Uh, that's "x"

On the triple-letter score

Plus triple-word score

Is .
Add that onto
what he has...

( laughs )
my god!

That puts Mark
in the lead.

Oh, I won!
I won!

I finally won!

The knowledge
in my head is
quite buckety.

♪ i'm the boss of you ♪

♪ i'm the boss of you ♪

"oxygen" is not a word.

Yeah, she's right.

"oxygen"?

That's not
a word.

Yeah. Ahem.

It-- it's
an abbreviation.

Bull, I saw it
on air tanks.

Well, yeah, of course.

That's because they have
to use the abbreviation

'cause the full word
wouldn't fit on
the air t*nk.

Unless you
printed it vertically,
which is-- uh...

Which is-- which is
just against the law.

Okay.

Ahem.

"it."

( theme music playing )

( Roseanne laughing )

Yeah, i'm sure this time.
That's what I want.

All right, now deliver that
to delaware street,
Lanford, Illinois.

Excuse me,
I think I left
my credit card here.

Oh, never mind.

I'm sorry, pumpkin,
I just don't feel like
going out tonight.

I mean I know
it's Saturday, okay?

But, gee, not every night
has to be a party.

Every night?
We never go out.

The olympic torch
goes out more often
than we do.

Well, i'm tired
after work, okay?

Besides, it's hard
being around people

After being around
that all day.

Oh, sticks and stones
may break my bones,

But at least they're
not part of my sex life.

He never wants to do
anything but lie
around the house.

I don't know how
he can call himself gay.

So what? He just
came out of the closet

And headed straight
for the couch.

So what time do you think
nana mary's gonna get
to my place tonight?

Well, if she remembers
her glasses,

She'll be in lanford
in an hour

And if not,
she'll be in lansing
by midnight.

She was so excited
to meet my andy,

She must be dying
to meet jerry.

Yeah. You know,
she's excited to have
someone else in the family

That has a soft spot
in their head.

Well, look at this--
my first paper tip.

The conner luck
is changing.

- invest.
- ( door opens )

Hey, honey,
got those sandwiches
for the poker game?

- yeah, I do.
- hi, Dan.

I made them last week so
you'll have to nuke them
for about seconds

To reactivate
the grease.

Bye, honey.

Hey, maverick,

Why don't you invite
Leon and scott for your
poker game tonight?

Oh, that
sounds wonderful.
What time, Dan?

: . We start at : .
Love to have you.

You know, he just
may go for this.

I'll pass it off
as a new and different
cultural experience.

Yeah, Dan got
the jalapeno doritos
this time.

Roseanne,
what are you doing?

It's supposed
a night out for
the guys.

What, you don't count
them as guys?

No, it's not that.
They're married--

They'll be
nagging each other
all night long

About how much
they drank,

How much
they're betting--

( effeminately )
is that $ of your money
or our money?

Yip yip-yip,
yip-yip, yip yip yip.

It'd be like
if you came.

- okay, they can come.
- ( door opens )

( sighs )

Well, I tried.
I tried everything.

He absolutely
will not come to
this poker game.

Well, did you
let him know that i'm
not gonna be there?

I'll bring
the dip.

( knock on door )

Oh, that's
your great-grandma.

Nana mary is really
kind of crazy.

She drinks too much
and she's loud
and obnoxious,

But she's got
some k*ller stories
about the depression.

- hi.
- hello.
Hello, Jackie.

- look at andy.
- oh.

Oh, andy.
Hello, sweetheart.

Could you run down
to the drugstore,
please, Jackie,

And get me
a pack of smokes?

Maybe later--
yeah, nana.
( chuckles )

All right, honey.
Oh, Rosie, hello.

Hey. This here
is your great-grandson

Jerry garcia conner.

Hello.
Hello, jerry.

Oh, he's cute.
He's cute-- big.

Hey, fourth baby
or not, this one
really had to hurt, huh?

- oh.
- do you wanna
hold him?

No, they all drip.

I'll hold him
when he's three.

Okay, naptime.

Oh, that sounds great.
I'm ready.

No, she means
the kids.

Oh, that's okay too.

Attaboy, yeah.

Okay, so what's
in the box here?

I hope it's not
more clothes from all
your dead friends.

It's all the toys
that you and Jackie
used to play with

When you came over
to my house

Because your mother
and father were trying
to k*ll each other.

- remember?
- oh.

Look at this stuff.
This is all of our toys.

This is gonna make me
so sentimental.

Yeah, but it's not
all the toys.

Anything that was
worth any money

Went to pay
for my new hip.

This box actually
smells like the s.
( sniffs )

Oh... Ike.

It's gonna be
so great, you know?

Just like old times,
the three of us
sitting around

And remembering
all the old stuff
that used to happen.

( snores )

Well, her hair
is already short,

But, just for old
times' sake, let's get
the scissors anyway.

Kings bet ¢.

Uh, i'm in.

I see you
and raise you $ .

Ooh. Well,
i'm out.

Scott's probably
bluffing like when
he said he could cook.

The dealer is in.

Yeah, you're
just upset because
you're down $ .

I am in.

Or because
it's been six weeks
since the wedding

And someone I know
hasn't answered
their share

- of the thank-you notes.
- and i've spent the last
two weeks--

Hey hey hey
hey hey hey
hey hey hey.

I thought
I told you guys
no marriage talk.

We're here
to play cards,
not chit chat.

He's been chit chatting
about the bulls game.

- games are okay.
- cars.

Yeah, cars are
fine too.

How about the arts?

You follow
the arts, bob?

What is that,
like theater?

Yes, I keep up
with the theater.

In a tabloid the other day
I saw a picture of o.J. Going
to "damned yankees."

- oh man.
- let's...

Not talk about the--

What, "damned yankees"?
Why not?

I hear the choreography
has verve.

He meant o.J., bob.

I mean some people
are afraid to discuss it
in mixed company.

Yes, I for one
am sick of o.J.

He's on the golf course,
he's making a video--

I wish it would
just go away.

Why can't the man
do what he wants?
He was acquitted.

- oh please.
- oh, Chuck, come on.

I mean even you
have to admit that
trial was a joke.

I don't think so.
I was happy with
the way it came out.

- me too!
- i'm getting another beer.
Anybody want one?

I brought salad.

Look, Chuck, please.
( stammers )

The verdict
was ridiculous.

Look, all I know is
it's hard for a black man

To get a fair shake
in this country.

Oh, okay. Well, you
try being a gay man
in Lanford, Illinois.

I mean,
there is nothing
like-- like having

To correct
the spelling when
somebody paints "f*gg*t"

Across your
garage door.

Hey, when was
the last time

You're driving down
the street in a new car
and pulled over for nothing?

- I mean, nothing.
- hey, you know the pancake
jamboree is this Sunday?

Leon, when I walk
down the street,

People know i'm black.
Now when you walk
down the street,

For all people know,
you're just another
white guy.

With a great ass.

They don't
care, scott.

Look, Chuck,
have either of you
guys ever heard

Of a little thing
called "gay bashing"?

Look, don't talk
to me about hate crimes.

Most of them
are directed at us.

Guys guys guys!
You've both made
some valid points.

Now can't we all
just accept the fact
that we've all got it tough?

Hey, happy,
what do you mean "we"?

What?

Dan, you're a straight
white male--

You've got it
easier than anybody
in the whole world.

Well, yeah.

Okay, it may seem
like that, Chuck,

But i'm telling you,
lately us white males

Been getting blamed
for everything.

Maybe it's cause
you did everything.

Listen, i've never
done anything
in my life.

Ask anyone.

Yeah. Okay, listen,
i've been hearing
a lot lately

About how white
men are to blame
for everything,

About how we have
all the advantages,

How we get
all the breaks,

But look at me and bob--
we ain't living
in no mansion.

- we had to struggle
for everything we've got.
- yeah.

You've struggled
for this?

( laughs )

( car approaching )

Shh.

- ( engine turns off )
- oh, roseanne's home.

Hi.

- ( scott sighs )
- false alarm.

Oh, I guess
we do have some
common ground, huh?

Yeah!

Coming around again,
brothers and sisters.

"not guilty"
is not the same
as "innocent," please.

Why would a man
get in a car and drive
all the way down to--

- tell them
about rosa lopez...
- oh, please.

- ...That you read
in the thing.
- oh, her.

She's a man--
rosa lopez is
a man, all right?

Can't hear,
can't hear,
can't hear...

Oh, you should see him
sleeping in there.

- it's so cute,
you wouldn't believe it.
- aww.

You know, jerry had pulled
all the covers up over himself

- and little
andy is like...
- ( laughing )

...Laying there
shivering

And his face is pressed up
against the crib bars.

( chuckles )
well, I hope you
took care of it.

Took care of what?

Well, let's--
let's go through
the box now, okay?

No, we can't do it
while nana mary is
still sleeping.

That's totally
inconsiderate.

But-- Roseanne,
don't. You know her,
she's not gonna wake up.

( sighs )
well, let me give her
one more sh*t.

Hey, look,
there goes tyrone power

In his underwear!

All right,
we're going in
without her.

All right.

Oh, it's like
stepping into
a time warp.

And finding a great
big box of crap.

Ooh.

Ah, man,
and I was six

Before I realized
this was not a pet.

This is my cast,
when I broke my arm.

What's this doing
with nana mary?

Don't you remember?
She thought you were
acting like a big baby.

So she cut it off
a week earlier with
her pinking shears.

And to this day
it is hard

To get a blazer
to lay right on me.

Oh, look at this.
"princess isabella" lives.

Da-ta-da-da!

We'll see if
yours is in there.
Oh, there you go,

Queen of
the dirt monkeys.

What are you doing
in my palace?

I've come
to dethrone you,
princess.

Come, my dirt-monkey
minions!

You shall never
get my throne

Because your red, shiny
monkey butt is too big.

God, it's my doll.

It's my Mrs. Tuttle.
Oh my god, I thought
she was lost forever.

Where have you been?
I missed you so much!

Well, her and Mr. Tuttle
got a little condo

Outside of
fort lauderdale.

So the last time
I saw her--

I know we were sleeping
over nana mary's house

And I had her with me
before we went to sleep

And when I woke up,
she was gone.

Well, I-- yeah,

Probably, uh,
you know, nana mary--

She might've
taken her away
from you because--

Well, she thought you were
getting too attached
or something.

And as I recall,
you told me

There was a string
of dollnappings
plaguing the area.

Yeah, yeah.
My betsy wetsy
was so nervous.

So she held it in
for days.

Mrs. Tuttle
was not kidnapped.

And nana mary
didn't take the doll.

Of course
nana mary didn't
take the doll.

A workman was
cleaning out my attic

And he found it stuffed
behind some insulation.

Oh, I was so glad
it wasn't another
dead body.

Dollnapper!

Thieving, evil,
rotten dollnapper!

Admit it!
Admit it!

Okay, I took her.
Are you happy?

No, on the contrary,
it sickens me!

Why, Roseanne?
Why would you take
Mrs. Tuttle?

Yeah, why?
Why does a chicken
cross the road?

To get at the gin!
Come on, stop fighting

And let's have a drink.
It's getting dark.

I took her
because I hated her!

Why? What did
she ever do to you?

Well,
if you wanna know,

Just when we were little,
you used to...

You know,
think of me as some
kind of a goddess.

You would do whatever
I wanted you to do,

Whenever I told you to do it
and I liked that, Jackie.

I liked feeling
all that control.

And then Mrs. Tuttle
came around.

Go on.

And then all of a sudden
I just didn't matter
anymore, did I?

I'd be like, "come on,
Jackie. Do you wanna
go play jump rope?"

And instead of just
saying yes, you had to
run and ask Mrs. Tuttle

If she wanted to play jump rope
and of course she didn't want
to play jump rope, did she?

No, she wanted
to play marbles

Or play with dolls
or have a tea party.

She never wanted
to do anything that
I wanted to do.

Tuttle asked for it.
So I smoked her.

By shoving her
behind some insulation!

Turn her over,

You will see what
the rats did to her butt.

( jerry crying )

Let me go check
on jerry.

( whispering )
did jerry steal
the blankets again?

- no, look.
- oh, look, they're all
cuddled up together.

Nana mary:
that's the way
you two used to nap--

Cuddled.

As a matter of fact,
that sounds like
a good idea--

A nap
around about now.

Uh, Roseanne,
there's something
that you need to know.

You don't deserve
to know it, but i'm
gonna tell you anyway.

Mrs. Tuttle loved you.

- get out of here.
- she loved you, Roseanne.

I'd complain about you
and i'd put you down

And she always-- always--
stood up for you.

This lady was
in your corner.

I didn't know.

She should've
told me.

Well, it just
wasn't her way.

I hope they're
nicer to each other
than we were.

They're gonna grow up
practically brothers.

You don't think jerry's
like, gonna terrorize
little andy, do you?

No, how could that happen?
Andy is older.

But jerry is
your kid, Roseanne.

You used to mop
the floor with me.

He already took
the blankets before.

Next thing you know,
andy will be stuffed
in some insulation.

No, he won't.

We'll make
sure we-- you know,
we'll break the cycle.

And I promise
I will make sure

That jerry is
as sweet to andy

As I should've been
to you.

( sighs )
that'll still
leave him open

For a whole lot
of pounding.

Thanks, thanks.

Nana mary:
come on, everybody,
it's sundown!

- who's up
for a daiquiri?
- ( blender whirs )

I'll see that
and bump it...

- cents.
- aw.

I'm telling you,
that "damned yankees"

Was a terpsichorean
delight.

I'm always amazed
with your philistine
inclinations.

I'm in.

I'm afraid I have
to concur, bob.

There's such an artificial
studied formalness

To so much
broadway choreography.

Give me
martha graham any day.

I don't know what the hell
you're talking about, man.

Martha graham?

If you haven't seen
the phoenix dance company,

You haven't
experienced dance.

I'll bump one.

Phoenix dance company
is yesterday's
mummenschanz.

Hey, don't knock
mummenschanz.

Mummenschanz--
that's where theater
and dance merge.

Gentlemen, let's get
back to what we were
discussing before.

I still maintain
that the boston pops

- set classical
music back years.
- bob: hear hear.

Oh oh! You know
what this discussion
reminds me of?

Puccini's "la granada."

( all laughing )

- oh, oh, that vermeer
exhibit in washington...
- well...

- ...Changed my life.
- oh, yeah.

Vermeer, bob, yes.

But just as you are
dealing this game,

The artist in any field
must acknowledge

That his is
a nabokovian presence.

He must cast off
any pretense

Of a studied
and artificial...
Naturalism.

- okay.
- he must be wholly
present in his work.

All:
I agree.

Read 'em
and weep, suckers--
aces, full eights.

- damn.
- that's three
in a row.

I ain't playing here
no more.

( theme music playing )