08x18 - Disney World w*r II (2)

[bunniefuu]

I'll give you
two hints--

Florida...

And "the happiest place
on earth."

We're going
to gator world!

No, you idiot.
Disney world.

Well, we could sleep
on it, I guess, and...

( yelling )
hey, everybody!
Cancel next week!

We're going
to disney world!

...And discuss it
in the morning.

Here we are.

I can't believe
we're actually staying
in a room this nice.

Yeah, and we're not
even on jury duty.

- pinch me.
- d.J.,

Call the concierge and
tell him to send someone up
to pinch your mother.

All righty. If you
need room service,
press .

If you need housekeeping,
press . You need
the front desk, press .

- any questions?
- yes.

What is this "housekeeping"
of which you speak?

Rosie, take a picture
of me with this lamp.

Look, somebody left
their robes in there.

Don't worry about it, son.
We won't be making that
same mistake.

No way.
Your room is exactly
like ours is.

Did you check out
the bathroom, Dan?
There's a phone in there.

Ooh!

There is. Rosie,
we got to get one
of those for our house.

No way, Dan.
You're not getting
your own phone.

Hey, Deej,
I bet you can't guess
where the tv is.

Huh? Huh?
It's in the dresser, man!

Oh, wow!

Look at this.
There's a refrigerator
down here,

And it's filled
with food and drink.

That's it.
We're moving in.

We have
adjoining rooms!

That's it.
We're moving out.

Hey, darlene's
taking a bath
in the next room,

And i'm gonna call her
from your bathroom.

Is that great?

Youse guys are not
gonna believe this.

- ( all gasping )
- oh my god.

It's just like on
"the price is right."

Incredible.
And it's all
man-made.

But that's not what one
Mr. Walt disney saw.

He saw that lake,
he saw that castle,

He saw that ample parking
with convenient
shuttle service.

And he set out
to make that dream.

Hey, everybody,
it's mickey mouse!

( all cheer )

( theme music
playing )

( laughs )

Man, steak
for breakfast.

I feel like-like...
Merv griffin.

The waffles
are huge.

After eating these,
I don't know how those
belgians get anything done.

Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun, jerry.

You're gonna
see a big, happy,
smiling mouse--

Not like those ones
in the traps at home.

- ( knock at door )
- man: room service.

Them's beautiful words.

Dan:
ain't it?
( chuckling )

Here we are.

Hey, did you bring me
the sliced, cut-up kiwi
like I ordered it?

Uh-huh.
They're right there.

Oh, that's what
they look like?

I don't know
what you're doing,

But you're not gonna
find any extra change
under there.

No, Roseanne,
he's sweeping the crumbs
off the tablecloth.

Oh. Why?
We could just shake it
out the window.

Well, in that case,
I believe i'll do something

I've never before done
in my entire life--

A nice, fresh, crisp

Dollar for you, my man.

Thank you, ma'am.

Uh, yeah,
wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What was it?
You're welcome.

I hate to bring this up,
but isn't this costing
a fortune?

Nobody should be
worrying anything about
money this whole trip.

D.J., go over to
that there minibar

And help yourself to
another summer sausage.

- my stomach hurts.
- attaboy!
( chuckles )

I've got number
sunscreen

And big, floppy
hats for all.

Oh, great.
Nobody has to worry,
the corn is safe.

( alarm buzzes )

- it's time.
- all right,
here we go.

Park opens in minutes.
This is not a drill.

Go go go go go.

Dan:
man, it's so clean.

I know. Look--
I can see myself
in the cement.

I want to live here.

No, I want to be worthy
of living here.

- ( calliope plays )
- I hear music.

Am I dead?

Okay, we're gonna be here
for four days,

So remember, we don't
have to get out there
and see everything at once.

Yeah, let's pace ourselves,
just take it real... Easy!

- ( all cheering )
- ( " overture"
playing )

Hey. Where are we
gonna go first?

Well, i'll go wherever,
as long as I get my sandwich
and my beer at lunch.

They don't serve beer
in the magic kingdom, Dan.
They do at epcot.

Go.

( " overture"
playing )

Ugh.
Look at them.

That's the second
couple we've seen
holding hands and skipping.

Maybe we've wandered
into some outdoor church.

Wait a minute.
I've heard of this.

I think they're
being... Happy.

You know, you'd think
as long as we're sitting,

We could go on
something that moves.

The earth is
hurtling through space
at , miles an hour.

What more do you want?

Listen, d.J.,

Darlene and I were thinking
about just spending
some time together--

You know,
people-watching,

Just talking,
being a couple.

Yeah, d.J.,
there's plenty of girls
around here your own age.

Why don't you pick one out
and start stalking?

Come on, Darlene,
I just want to go
on the rocket.

Then i'll leave you alone
for the rest of the day.
Please? Please?

Why don't I just go on one with
him? It'll only take a minute,
and then we can hang out.

I give in.
All this joy and happiness
is breaking my spirit.

- go.
- see you soon.

Make sure and pouf up
your hair so you meet
the height requirement.

( panting )
is this the beer line?

Oh, no,
we're just looking
at spaceship earth.

I mean, look at this.
It weighs million lbs,

feet in height,
and encompasses

. million
cubic feet of space.

So this isn't
the beer line?

- no.
- phht!

- look, Jackie,
that pigeon's a robot.
- no, it's not.

- oh, it is too.
Look, it's totally fake.
- it's eating, Roseanne.

Hey hey hey.
Look at the old guy.
He's a robot too.

They probably made him
out of a bunch of old pigeons.

Stop, would you?
Everything here
is not a robot.

And they haven't
called it "robot"
since the ' s.

Oh, sorry.
"animatronic americans."

Would you stop
littering?

I'm not littering, Jackie.
This is a friendly
competition.

( laughs )
let me try that.

Let me try that.

No, this is my game.
You get your own.

Now where's she gonna
go with that, huh?

Where's she gonna throw that?
Over here? No. Over there.

Uh-oh!
( laughing )

That's it.

- hey, disney guy,
come here quick.
- don't, Roseanne.

Oh, you asked for it.
This woman is littering

And totally destroying
my fantasy experience.

Do your thing, carl--
bust her.

Good afternoon, ma'am.
I'm sorry, I couldn't
help noticing

You had difficulty
holding on to
your refuse.

I'd just like
to point out that here
at the magic kingdom

We provide numerous
trash containers
for your convenience.

What?

Oh, I know, I know.
I will look that up
here in my

Roseanne-to-
disney-world
dictionary.

Oh, let me
look up, uh,

"quit bugging us
and go away."

Here it is.
"thank you so much
for your help.

Have a pleasant
afternoon."

Hey, this polite stuff
really works,

But I feel
so dirty.

Hi. Welcome to
the Rose & crown, sir.

What's your pleasure
on this fair spring
morning?

That was shakespeare,
wasn't it?

Give me your best
british ale, please.

Right, then.
Is that a half-pint,
pint or yard?

Uh, what's a yard,

Um, bloke?

Well, that's one
right there.

I've d*ed and gone
to England.

Darlene?

( groans )
where have
guys been?

- it's been over an hour.
- really? Wow, it seems
like minutes.

Yeah, we were on our way
back from the rockets...

Oh, which were
so cool.

- ...And then we stopped by
the hall of presidents.
- which was just the best.

Zachary taylor
looked right at me.

Oh, and guess
where we ended up?

Both:
♪ yo-ho, yo-ho,
a pirate's life for me. ♪

Ahoy, morons
off the port bow.

Give me the patch.

Can I keep the hook?

Come on, Darlene.
Do you want to go to
the swiss family tree house?

Not unless they have
cable and a wet bar.

Well, what about
the teacups?

- no. No more rides.
- oh, come on, Darlene.

One more word out
of you, and there'll
be no more rides

For you either, pal,
if you know what I mean.

You know, d.J., I think
it would be fun to just
spend the rest of the day

With Darlene,
just sitting.

You're not gonna be
just sitting, David.

I mean, in a minute
i'm gonna have you
go fetch me a coke.

I can't believe it!
It's goofy!

No way.

Thank you
so much, goofy.

Bye.

Hey.

- who was that guy?
- what guy?

You know who
i'm talking about.

You mean goofy?
Mark, he's a character.

Oh, and i'm not?

This is so typical.
You take your wife
to the big city

Full of guys in their
fancy suits and their
big puppy-dog eyes,

And all of a sudden
plain old Mark just
ain't good enough for her.

Come on, Mark.
Let's just go.

- hey.
- don't you
look at him.

Don't look at him!

- Mark, that was dopey.
- I don't care.
It worked.

( arabian music
playing )

Yeah, man, you guys put
the "rock" in "morocco."

Hey, you know
this one?

( vocalizing
arabian music )

- hey.
- hey.

My brother
and my boyfriend
on the dumbo ride,

And me without a camera
to throw at them.

Shoo, pooh.

Are you finished?

All right,
wait wait wait.

Wow, i'm really gonna
hate myself for this.

I've worked really hard
cultivating my own
special brand

Of cool sophistication,

But you're the first book
I ever remember reading.

And the truth is...

You've always kind of
been my favorite.

You know, i've been
into you since you got
stuck in that hollow tree

'cause you ate too much honey,
then you couldn't get out,

And, uh...

I love you!

I love you!
Oh my god,
I love you!

I'm hugging you.
I'm hugging winnie the pooh!

Space mountain,
here we come.

This is
a magic kingdom.

And a creepy
kingdom.

Did you see what
grammy bought for you?

Look at that.
There.

Oh, look at us,
oh, look at us.

We're the three
mouseketeers.

Well, I guess
i'm the only one
with the stuff

To be annette, huh?

♪ zip-a-dee-doo-dah,
zip-a-dee-ay ♪

♪ my, oh, my,
what a wonderful day ♪

♪ plenty of sunshine
going our way ♪

♪ zip-a-dee-doo-dah,
zip-a-dee-ay. ♪

Oh!

Oh, that's too kind.
I'm so embarrassed.

Really, I was just singing
to my grandchildren.

I mean, it's been years
since I tried to do this
professionally.

♪ secondhand hats ♪

♪ i'm wearing
secondhand clothes ♪

♪ that's why
they call me ♪

♪ secondhand Rose ♪

♪ even our piano ♪

♪ in the parlor... ♪

Ein beer,
por favor.

So this is
germany, huh?
This is incredible.

I'm glad I stopped by here,
'cause this is the country
I know most about.

So where's that
sergeant schultz, huh?

"sergeant schultz."
I k*ll me.

( french accent )
do not turn around.

My name is zoe.
I am with the french
underground.

I have come to
liberate you.

How do I know you're
not an impostor?

To prove I am french,
bring me a snail

And I will eat it.

Not good enough.
I need more proof.

I will eat that snail
covered with ze stinky cheese

That smells like
ze feet.

Anyone can say that.

To prove to you
that I am french,
let me give you ze kiss.

I need more.

In ze dresser drawer,

Ze bottom drawer,
underneath ze socks,

Is a bag of cheetos.

( french accent )
my love!

Jerry lewis is
le supreme genius, no?

Viva "le professor
de la nutty."

Oui.

It grieves me, my love,
to tell you this,

But ze cheetos,

They are gone.

Damn this w*r.

This is so cool.
I can't believe we're
on big thunder mountain.

I heard this ride
goes so fast that
it stretches your skin

Until your skull flies
out your mouth hole.

( cries out )

( all screaming )

You know, honey,
i've been all over
this great big world

And seen a lot
of wondrous things,

But I couldn't wait
to get back to the states,

Back to the cutest girl
in the world.

Look at all
the family, Dan.

Everybody's so happy.

Okay, this is
my parents' number
in Lanford,

And this is
my dorm room
in Chicago,

And, uh, let's
not make this one
of those things

Where we say
we'll call each other
and then we don't.

I'm only saying
you should consider
some dramatic roles.

I mean,
you've already proved
you can do comedies.

Man, this is great.
What do you say
next year,

We cash in your
life-insurance policy

And we go
on a cruise?

I don't think that'd be
the smart thing to do.

Done.

( " overture"
playing )

Room service.

It's about time
you got here.
I'm starving.

I apologize.
There was fog
over atlanta.

I really appreciate
you flying all the way
from orlando.

Oh, no. I ordered
the whole-wheat toast.

My mistake.
Back in a jiffy.

There'll be a buck
in it for ya.

You know, that whole
disney operation

Is tops with me.