07x04 - The Ballad of Mr. Baumann

[bunniefuu]

[ rattles ]

Ben! Must you destroy everything in my store?

Ben: It was an accident,

I swear it'll never happen again,

Mm-hmm,

Ben: Oh, no,

Not the Ben Ledger,

Congratulations,

With this latest accident, you

now owe me $ , ,

Ben: Oh, man,

It's gonna take me like years

to work that off, I'll be an old man by then!

[ whirs ] Please don't tell me you'll

still be destroying my store

years from now,

Ben: Why are you so grumpy?

Isn't there a Mrs, Baumann to

keep you from being lonely?

Lonely? Well, I was never the most --

None of your bees wax! Why won't you shop online?!

[ horn honks ] Ben: Oh, Mom's already outside,

See you soon, Mr, Baumann,

[ sighs ] That always sounds like a thr*at,

sh**ting star, I wish that rotten kid Ben Tennyson,,,

I wish he wasn't right about me being lonely,

[ zoom! ]

Aah!

[ tires screech ]

[ groans ]

[ weakly ] Please,,,help me,

Don't worry,, you're in good hands,

♪ Ben he's a kid, and he wants to have fun ♪

♪ But when you need a superhero, he gets the job done ♪

♪ Ben with a device that he wears on his arm ♪

♪ He can change his shape and save the world from harm ♪

♪ When trouble's taking place He gets right in its face ♪

♪ Ben when lives are on the line ♪

♪ It's hero time Ben ♪

[ doorbell rings ]

[ zip! zip! zip! ]

[ dog whimpers ]

Ben: Maybe Baumann's out

taking his grumpy lessons,

Blech!

Ooh! "Sumo Slammers" Crunch cereal,

Don't paw the merchandise, Ben!

Ben: Aah! [ clanging ]

Oh, here we go,

Ben: Aah! Whoa!

Not today!

[ gasps ]

[ rattling ]

Ben: Ta-da-ah!

I don't want any of your shenanigans spoiling this day,

Ben: Geez, Is it okay if I breathe?

Use your own judgment, Ben: [ gasps ]

[ coughs ] But with your smelly, grumpy,

grocer cologne floating around, that ain't easy,

[ door creaks ]

Hmm, Kind of overdressed for a sunny day,

[ slurps ]

[ gulps ]

Ben: An alien,

Looks like it's hero time!

I'm here to take care of some business,

Cannonbolt: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Not so fast, fuzzy,

Aah! Ohh! Ohh!

Cannonbolt: [ grunts ]

[ groans ]

Max: That's enough,

Let him go now, Cannonbolt: But, why?

Are you trying to put me out of business, Ben?!

Cannonbolt: Wait, you know who I am?

Max: I might have bragged about you,

Mr, Baumann deals with a few aliens, He can keep a secret,

Just stop attacking my customers!

So what if they weren't born here?

Cannonbolt: It was a giant bunny chowing down on tentacles,

What kind of freak doesn't like tentacles?

I mean, I ought to open a

restaurant selling nothing but

tentacles,

Thanks, Mr, B,

Restaurant,,,ooh, or a cart,

That's better, Less overhead,

Cannonbolt: Oh, the Ben ledger!

You can't charge me for what happens when I'm a hero,

Says who?

[ tires screech, thud ]

[ horns honking ]

Max: Vulkanus,

Vulkanus: You know what I'm here for!

Don't just stand there,

Cannonbolt: Make up your mind, will ya?

Vulkanus: An Arburian bodyguard?

Ben: Aah! [ grunts, groans ]

Vulkanus: That Earth kid with the Omnitrix!

Ben: Ohh, [ grunts ]

Vulkanus: I still owe you for

turning me over to the Galactic Enforcers,

Ben: Ever heard of "forgive and forget"?

Vulkanus: No, but I've heard of goodbye,

Max: Ben, run,

[ both panting ]

Vulkanus: Come on, Baumann,

Give,

I'm in a hurry,

Cover me!

[ beeping ]

Ben: With what?

Vulkanus: Gotcha!

Aah! Aah! [ sputters ]

[ grunts ]

Human pests!

[ both grunt ]

[ sirens wail in distance ]

Ben: Argh, who knows where they could be now?

Max: I do,

Ben: He's trying to lose Vulkanus in the old abandoned subway?

Smart, Max: Maybe,

Before the subway, these were old mining tunnels,

It's Swiss cheese down here,

and none too stable, See that iron ore?

Ben: Yeah, Max: That's a problem,

The package that Vulkanus is after,,,

Ben: Well, not Element X,

can't that stuff blow up an entire solar system if --

Max: If it comes in contact with iron ore,

That's why Vulkanus wants it so badly,

Ben: What's Mr, Baumann want with it?

[ thud ] Aah!

That's my business,

Ben: Quit doing that!

Max: Where's Vulkanus? Don't worry,

I beaned that alien bully but good,

[ panting ]

[ crash ]

[ gasps ]

[ rattle ]

Vulkanus: Huh?

Aah!

Vulkanus: [ growls ]

Aah!

What is this stuff?

Aah!

Ben: You took out Vulkanus

with a can of lima beans?

[ chuckles ] No species likes lima beans,

Why do you think I always have them on sale?

I can't be late,

Ben: For what?

I still don't get it,

What does he need Element X for?

Max: For her,

Ben: Huh? A fish girl?

Darling,

Ben: Ugh, Geez,

If you wanted me to barf, you

could have used the lima beans,

Ben: Mr, Baumann has an alien girlfriend?

Mr, Baumann has a girlfriend?

Mr, Baumann has a friend?!

Max: Hello, Sheelane,

Sheelane, this is

Ben Tennyson,

Ben, I've heard so much about you,

He doesn't seem so bad,

Give him a minute,

Ben: So,,,where are you from?

Remember that night five

years ago when you did $ ,

damage to my lima bean stock?

The night of that meteor crash

when you were a little boy,

well, it turned out that was no meteor,

I'll keep you safe,

I need a specific compound of

two parts hydrogen to one part oxygen,

Water,

You need to live in water,

I had to find some place where

Sheelane could survive,

There was only one person I

trusted to help me,

[ splash ]

I have to live in very deep water,

We can only see each other for one day every , years,

on the day I shed my scales,

Ben: Ew, So that's why he's grumpy all the time,

I am not grumpy!

Not,,,today,

Then I hope this won't upset you,

My ship's supply of Element X is almost exhausted,

You know, I will never let

anything happen to you,

More Element X?

It's so rare, Ignatius,

Ever since my planet -- How did you ever?

Some wheeling and dealing --

Don't ask, Max says it should last for decades,

Oh, Iggy, you're the greatest,

[ smooching ]

both: Mwah! Ben: [ retches ]

Max: Now, Ben, beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

Ben: I know, but kissing Mr, Baumann -- [retches]

Vulkanus: [ grunts ]

Ben: Hey, Mr, Baumann's on a date, jerk,

Vulkanus: Vulkanus always gets what he's after,

[ grunts ]

[ gasps ]

Vulkanus: If it turns out I

don't need a hostage, I can

always make chowder,

Ignatius!

Sheelane!

Vulkanus: Between the Element X and all this raw

Bicenthium alloy, I'm gonna be rich,

[ grunting ] I'm out of my depth, Detrovite,

or I'd pop you like a blister,

Vulkanus: Or like your homeworld,

What'd they call it? Ka-boomia?

No, Thelassia!

[ growls ] Iggy will save me,

Vulkanus: The storekeeper?

Flipper face, you have got to be kidding,

[ rumbling ]

Ohh!

Oh! Oh! Ow!

Diamondhead: This road trip's over, Vulkanus,

Take your hands off her, you dang Detrovite ape!

Diamondhead: Whoa, Love makes you even crazier than I thought,

Vulkanus: I'm gonna enjoy this,

Don't worry,

You're in good hands,

[ exhales sharply ] I know,

Vulkanus: You want some of this?

Not this, like a beatdown, but this stuff here?

Diamondhead: You really put the "ugh" in "ugly,"

Vulkanus: Give it up, sparkles, You can't win,

Diamondhead: I don't have to,

I just had to trade you,

Vulkanus: Huh?

Give that back!

Diamondhead: Grandpa!

Alley-oop!

Max: Quick!

Ben: Yikes, Vulkanus?

Max: Well, I don't see how anything could have survived that kind of blast,

You were right, Iggy,

He does have a flair for destruction,

Ben: At least this time, you didn't have to bring out the Ben ledger,

[ indistinct conversations ]

Oh, Iggy,

It's even more impressive than I imagined,

Come on, I don't want to

spend our special time at work,

I have a surprise planned for you,

Ben: Happy anniversary!

Benjamin, you've grown!

Is he the surprise?

He is to me,

What are you doing here?

Ben: You've been together for

years, so I'm gonna wait on

you guys hand and foot, or fin,

or whatever,

Very cozy, just the three of us,

Isn't that sweet, Iggy?

That's not the word I'd use,

I need you to do something for me,

Ben: Anything, Get lost!

Ben: What? Leave us alone!

Scram! Disappear!

Make yourself scarcer than

Viscosian Polymorph teeth,

I don't want anything to ruin

this night, and you have a

history of -- well,,,

Ben: Yeah, yeah, Walking disaster area,

But I'm not the one who spilled cologne all over you,

Whew, Too much?

Promise me I won't see you again tonight,

Ben: Okay, okay, I promise,

[ both smooching ]

Ben: I try to do something

nice for a guy, and this is the

thanks I get,

Got to hide,

Nowhere to hide,

[ laughs ] I kid you not,

I kid you not,

You're so dry,

Ben: [ groans ] Thanks,

Is that guy following them?

[ grunts ]

Pickaxers,

Ohh!

[ groans ]

Sheelane, my dear, I

guarantee you won't forget this night,

Ben: [ groaning ]

What happened?

Oh, yeah,

Sheelane and Mr, Baumann, [ clang ]

Wildmutt would be perfect to track them,

Eye Guy: Wildmutt, my eye,

I don't see how Eye Guy can

sniff out Baumann's trail

without -- gah!

Aah! Without -- aah!

Ohh! Great!

I must be allergic to,,,

Baumann's cologne,

I can track him by eye!

[ sneezes loudly ]

Aah! Aah!

[ sneezes loudly ]

[ sneezes loudly ]

I hate when we have to leave each other,

What if we didn't have to?

That would be a dream come true,

Vulkanus: What a load of drivel,

Vulkanus?!

But you were blown to bits,

Vulkanus: Almost blown to bits,

After that tiny bit of Element X

blew up, you probably thought

nothing survived,

But you were wrong,

Though my beautiful body was

destroyed, I crawled through the

tunnels until my loyal minions

found me and outfitted me with a

regeneration suit,

Eventually, my body will grow back,

But in the meantime, I have some

unfinished business to take care of,

Eye Guy: Mr, Baumann?

Mr, Baumann? Are you okay?

Is that you, Ben?

Ohh,

Vulkanus and those pickaxe punks

took Sheelane down to her ship,

He wants her supply of

Element X,

Wait,

Sheelane's ship is the only

place she can live in the whole universe,

If you fight Vulkanus down there, you'll wreck it, Ben: I'll be careful,

What you'll do is run me back to my store,

I've got something there for Vulkanus,

Please, for once, just help me,

XLR : [ groans ] How could you be this heavy?

What do you have, rocks in your pockets?

From the cave,

They remind me of Sheelane,

A little swap I made with Azmuth himself,

This was going to be a surprise for Sheelane, but,,,

XLR : Now it's gonna be a surprise for Vulkanus and his nose pickers,

Iggy is going to destroy you,

Vulkanus: Hah! We're a mile down,

Humans don't do well under pressure,

You think you could do better?

Ripjaws: Hey! Vulkanus!

[ grunts ]

Vulkanus: Aah!

Ripjaws: Enough with the --

Less talking, more --

You just -- why don't you -- Vulkanus: [ groans ]

Ripjaws: Sorry, man, I -- I thought I had one,

Sheelane, Iggy, I knew you'd save me,

Ripjaws: Hey! I'm the one who --

Vulkanus: I know that's you, Tennyson,

I'm gonna fillet you once and for all, Aah!

Get off, you!

Uh, sweetie,

Vulkanus: You broke my suit again!

Ripjaws: Let's take these guys for a spin,

Vulkanus: [ grunts, groans ] Let me at him!

I'll bite his butt!

I'll bite all your butts!

Oh, Iggy,

Iggy, you did it,

Ripjaws: Well, I kind of --

Aw, forget it,

Sheelane, this suit was a surprise,

Now I can come and go down here

as I please, so,,,

[ gasps ]

Where did you find a -- a

Thelassian lip implant?

It's perfect,

Sheelane, will you marry me?

Oh, Iggy,,, Mwah!

Ripjaws: I think I'm gonna

cry, or maybe I'm already crying,

I can't tell,

I love having you here, but

who's minding the store?

Don't worry,

It's in good hands,

Ben: But just when I downed Aggregor and Trombipulor,

Fistrick and Vilgax showed up,

It was touch and go for a while, but eventually I drove them all

off and saved the store from total destruction,

So, you think Mr, Baumann will buy that?

Aw, man,

He's gonna have to start a new Ben ledger,