08x05 - c*ptive Audience

[bunniefuu]

good evening ladies and gentlemen and
welcome to the alfred hitchcock hour

this is my new sports car i'm quite proud of it
however i wish i also had one for the other foot

i did consider entering this in the grand prix but
decided not to i'm sure i would have won the booby

pre however we must be getting on with tonight's
show i receive a great many inquiries from viewers

who wonder why i permit commercials on our show
frankly i feel that television commercials are

ideally suited to this type of program this next
one for example is most appropriate it's deadly

well that's the first part of the story victor
plus the cast of characters remember the people

i've called janet and ivar west they play an
important part in the m*rder i have in mind

hi honey is he in yes go
right in he's expecting you

hello tom thanks for coming down

drake well it's a little early in the day for
me you may want one soon enough what do you mean

sherman will you hold my calls please you've
never met warren barrow have you barrel no

i started publishing his mysteries three years
ago good stuff neat little chest problems nice

edge of lunacy anyway i've been working quite
closely with him he's uh nervous high strung not

at all like you thanks a day or two ago he started
sending me some tape recordings this is the first

one it's incredible he seems to be treating me as
if i were his father confessor how do you mean for

some reason probably because i'm more than just
a publisher to him he needs my approval or at

least my ear if what he says is true he's going to
k*ll someone there's nothing i can do to stop him

sounds like a joke to me joke

judge for yourself

this is for victor hartman publisher of medallion
press repeat this is for victor hartman only

hello victor i'm sure you're surprised to hear
from me in this way but i rather desperately

need someone to talk to maybe i'm used to having
your blue pencil slash through everything i write

so consider yourself a c*ptive audience first
let me make one thing clear warren barrow is

not my real name it's a pseudonym victor a new
identity i acquired before i met you and the

names of the people i'm going to tell you about
are also fictitious so you'll never know whether

this recording is true or pure fantasy a dictated
fantasy of mine or the actual history of a m*rder

but wait a minute he always said background was
important in the story so i'll start with mine

i was mad victor did you know that a beautiful
girl named helen she was perfect everything

i'd be looking for after the wedding we
took a honeymoon in the south of france

we decided to stay for a week at a hotel on the
mediterranean coast we usually took our meals with

another american couple the west's ivor west was a
businessman from the states in the few days i had

known him he seemed more interested in the local
wine than his wife but janet was different very

different i can remember one night in particular
my wife likes to criticize mostly in public oh

let's forget all this and go down to the casino i
feel like gambling again why not it's something to

do will you join us yes we'd love to wouldn't we
oh no i'm a little tired darling well why don't

you let us take care of well you can count me out
too i was just there last night you're feeling all

right aren't you oh yes i'm fine just a little
tired you really want to go don't you well yes

of course you do i'm sure your wife won't
mind if we go together no of course not go

ahead it's perfectly all right we better
be leaving now before it gets too crowded

oh no that's all a mercy well since
we seem to have switched mates why

don't you join me for a little
night cap down at papa george

no i am tired really oh it's only o'clock
come on enjoy yourself well all right good good

fat bonjour messiah madame fed bonjour that
bonjour mr medan fed bonjour the envelope

janet gambled her husband's
money as if she wanted to lose it

i couldn't take my eyes off
her did i miss you i'm bored

now we don't have to cash them in did i miss
your fed bonjour fed bonjour may i miss you

why don't we stop for a while

why were you looking at me at the casino was that

you thought i didn't notice maybe i was admiring
your dress i've already bought it for me dear ivar

you know there's one part of the bible i
know by heart i saw unto the sun that the

race is not to the swift nor the battle to the
strong but time and chance happeneth to them all

means you can be as clever as
you like but you gotta have luck

you've gotta work for it and grab it when it
comes i was very poor when i was young very poor

you know you're a very interesting man

i think maybe we ought to start
back my wife will be waiting for me

darling

so hello this is uh room . so deuce
did my wife leave a message for me

did you see her this evening
she went out with mr west i see

darling i thought you'd be asleep
did you oh i'm sorry to be so late

but ivar kept running from a club to club oh i
told him i wanted to get back but he was a little

drunk you know how long you kept me waiting here
oh i'm sorry darling really a charming man's name

what do you mean i think you know exactly
what i mean i think you're actually jealous

i just had a few drinks with the man that's
all few drinks nothing else of course not

look let's not argue about this it isn't important

maybe it is important to me

maybe i don't like my wife staying
out all night with another man

back your things will leave leaving why
because i want to get out of this place

darling

i am sorry about tonight but nothing happened
please believe me i know you do i've been

sitting here thinking what an idiot i am it's
my fault please forgive me of course i will

i love you

she was dead victor k*lled instantly
we'd been mired less than a month

when i woke up in a french hospital the doctors
told me that i was fortunate to be alive i had

a concussion they wanted me to submit to a series
of brain operations i refused i didn't care if i

was tormented by headaches for the rest of my life
it would serve as a punishment for helen's death

well that's the first part of my story victor
plus the cast of characters remember the people

i've called janet and ivar west they play an
important part in the m*rder i have in mind

well what do you think

barrows had a tragedy he feels feels guilty
about his wife's death mistake recording is

nothing but a painful self-confession that's
what i thought then i got the second tape

this is for victor hartman only
hello victor warren barrow again

let me bring you up to date when i left france
three years ago i came here to san francisco

i picked a new name and a new life i began
writing you published my first mystery novel

i led a quiet existence lived by myself and
spent much of my time thinking of helen then

one night i felt rather lonely and i
dropped into a local club you hinder me

won't turn bad

away

left my man this morning standing in my door
when i got back he didn't want me no more goodbye

goodbye hello you remember
me hello will you join us

thank you um this is mrs hurley how do
you do and this is mr barrow warren barrow

mr barrow and i made a few years ago in france
how nice you sure you won't stay a while longer

oh uh no no dear i must go you'll excuse me
mr barrel call me mr farrell since when since

i came back to america i wanted to make
a fresh start new name sometimes helps

who is your friend oh a friend who's also
very useful or am i being too transparent

not at all so you're living in san francisco
we have an apartment up on the hill

oh yes we're still married does that surprise you
i don't know he's unbearable but the pay is good

i heard about your wife i meant to send
a wire but i didn't know where you were

thanks anyway are you remarried no what are
you doing with yourself i became a writer

detective started oh well i'll have to stop by
someday i've always wondered how an author lives

what's wrong with that it's not too far
interesting but i'm afraid i've lost my chaperone

do you need one i know daddy you told me goodbye

if you don't want me guess i lay
down and die goodbye like but i will

remote isn't it i like privacy

oh so many books you have
to let me read one of yours

thank you i wish you had done that a few years ago

that was the beginning of our relationship
victor we saw each other constantly janet

would talk about her husband his cruelty his
possessiveness the fact that her life with

him was almost unbearable she was good for me
victor she even took an interest in my work it's

excellent i'm always so amazed how cleverly you
put these things together tell that to the critics

darling suppose you were writing a novel about us

suppose we were looking for the perfect way
to get rid of well let's say i've are i'm her

how would we go about it just for fun
that shouldn't be too hard now remember

he's worth a lot of money and i'd be the first
one they'd suspect oh not if you had an alibi

well let's see now uh i'd k*ll him obviously you'd
have to be out of the house with a friend mrs

hurley exactly you take mrs holly out to dinner
and i'm lear i were over here on some pretext

then yes well then i k*ll him oh what about
the body i dig a grave in the back of the

house there's nothing but woods there anyway wait
a minute i've just thought of a rather nice touch

in the last few days before we k*lled him you
could go around telling all his friends that

he'd been working too hard that he was run down
depressed yes and then on the day of the m*rder

you could take one of his
jackets leave it near the shore

i see they'd find identification in his
pockets and think he committed su1c1de

because the body would never be found you'll learn
fast no i'm not very good at these things but

one point bothers me what's that suppose someone
found the grave behind the house that's no problem

because by that time i should have changed back
to my real name married you the police will be

looking for warren barrow a mystery writer who
doesn't exist you know it could actually work

yes shaping up nicely we talked about the
plan frequently grew to be a favorite game

it was all in jest of course

you do love me don't you yes of course i do

then there's a way out remember our
little plan it's the perfect solution

that was just a game i know but don't you
see it can actually work you can't be serious

warren look at me darling

you love me i know you do yes but we couldn't
have come this far if you hadn't loved me now

we just have to go one step further and listen i
spent all afternoon calling my friends telling him

he's been very depressed for weeks why did you do
that brother telling me i thought you'd be pleased

you realize what'll happen
when he finds out he won't

because you're getting rid of
him tonight janet wait a minute

he's coming here at nine o'clock what i told him
i ran into a few days ago now he loves flemish

paintings i told him you had one for sale it's
not true of course but it doesn't matter it'll

at least get him here and i've taken one of
his coats out of the closet and stopped in

the car i'll drop it by the shore later tonight
you see i've done everything just the way you

planned but this is much too fast why wait we
can finally be together you told me you loved me

get a divorce it's the easiest way and live
on your royalties i've always needed money

and i've always been honest with you
about that at least let's think it over

there isn't time darling you've been so
clever about this it'll work i know it will

all right all right we've always had
it in the back of our minds haven't we

and don't forget you owe it to him
not only for me but for your wife

helen he was the one who kept her out that night
he was trying to punish you for going off with me

will you do it

we are about to pass the halfway point time
will be allowed if you need to change your tires

or gas up i must warn you about this however
this area is well policed do not attempt to

leave your living room or to change channels
any attempted effect will be dealt with

harshly radar is a marvelous device during the
station break an elderly gentleman in peru indiana

attempted to go to the kitchen for a jelly
sandwich and was detected at once he has

been given a long sentence at hard labor to be
precise he must watch the following commercial

well i think i'll take that drink now help
yourself now you know why i called you i

needed someone to talk to just like our friend
on this table and he wanted my opinion that's

why you're here well why me victor because of
the things you write analytical problems with a

fine sense of psychology if anyone can make sense
out of this whole model you can well i'm flattered

but i think the answer is fairly simple barrow's
unbalanced the automobile accident must have

affected his brain did it well of course why else
would a man preview a m*rder on a tape recorder

maybe there wasn't any
accident now think of this tom

maybe this whole thing is just
an outline for barrow's new novel

you don't you remember the time you called
me in the middle of the night and started to

give me an idea for your new book for a minute i
thought you'd lost your but that was different i

was out partying it up i was up on cloud nine but
barrow is not well no this look janet janet west

she's obviously taken advantage of his mental
condition she's using him even so what do i do

if i take it to the police i'm
opening myself up for a lawsuit

besides i don't even know where he lives his
correspondence is sent to a post office box well

he doesn't have a phone number or anything well
if he had one don't you think i would have used it

and what about ivar west how do we reach him west
isn't even his real name he could be dead now

well it's still possible we're upset about
nothing he may just be outlining a new book

sorry i don't buy that yes a package just
arrived for you mr hartman let's mock urgent

i'll be right up excuse me how
did this get here messenger

it's just arrived apparently
it's the next installment

come on what are you waiting for put it on

hello victor i didn't think
i'd be speaking to you again

but things have changed it's early morning now
in a few hours i'll send this off to you but

first let me tell you what happened with ivor west
janitor left some time ago to establish an alibi

it was arranged that she should call me
later if everything went according to plan

i wasn't to answer the phone then in a
few months we would meet and quietly marry

foreign

i suppose you want to see the printing never mind
that what about my wife i know what you're talking

about i i thought you came here to briar painting
painting it's only an excuse to get me over here

i don't see why you didn't just call me
and say let's have it out about janet

i've known about you two the telephone
calls the trips over here is that the

way you spend your time checking up on your wife

with janet it's necessary

you don't think that you're the first do
you all right let's get down to business

how much do you want to forget her that's a cheap
thing to say like certain cheap pleasures then

you're the expert on those maybe she's looking for
something she doesn't get at home understanding

maybe i give her everything that she wants i keep
her in comfort i'm sure she pays a price for it

at least i keep her alive what did you
say i said at least i keep her alive

you're talking about helen
take it any way you want

wait a minute wait a minute look
what are you doing put that away

look we can talk about this please put it away no

please don't sh**t we could we can settle this
give me a chance no at least at least let me pray

what give me a minute to
pray all right go ahead pray

what are you waiting for pray i can't

go on say something please i can't

get up

want another

no thank you i i hope that janet
knows what she's getting into

will you divorce her of course hive grounds
cruelly for one you talk about cruelty i know

what you're thinking but you've only heard
her side of the story i suppose she's told

you that i've knocked her around and insulted
her that's right it stands to reason that's what

she told the others i was talking about other
men i don't believe it that's your privilege

but let me tell you one thing i never hit her
in my life why didn't you get rid of her well

i don't know habit i suppose in spite of
all those other men i learned to live with

it but that's over i'm i'm gonna check into a
hotel tonight and call my lawyer in the morning

that is if if what if you'll let me leave

go ahead

good night

janice call i didn't answer
because i've made a decision

i'd go to her and tell her what happened
my husband was going to divorce her

anyway

i drove for hours trying to clear my mind

trying to understand what had happened there
was only one answer and i refused to believe it

so

oh you warren barrel that's right police officers
mr barrel my name is pearson this is my partner

jack rossetti mind if we come in do you have a
warrant no sir but we can get one if we have to

what's this all about just routine mr barrel
we got a call someone said they heard a sh*t

coming from this house they leave a name no sir
but that's ridiculous i don't have a neighbor

for miles all the same i was wondering if
you had any firearms i just have this g*n

it hasn't been fired in years is it registered
yes of course the safety catch seems to be stuck

uh well everything seems to be in order i
think i can explain that telephone call yes sir

i'm a mystery writer one of my friends was
probably playing a joke yeah my compliment

thanks i'll have to read this my wife goes
through six a week well we might as well eat

sorry to bother you mr barrel oh that's
perfectly all right like you said she was

probably playing a joke she what was that
she the woman on the phone well good night

janet had planned it all perfectly i had to admire
the skill the police were supposed to find ivor's

body and arrest me janet would say i was a poor
unbalanced man a man who had reason to hate her

husband then she'd be free with ivor's money to
do whatever she pleased so now i have to k*ll her

after all anyone would do the same in my
place wouldn't their victory wouldn't they

why you still think it's a book no but how do
we prove it well it's not important what we

have to do is find janet west whoever she is
and try and warn her but remember tom so far

he hasn't committed a single illegal act it's
nothing but talk yes yes someone to see you sir

can it wait i'm busy he said you wanted
to talk to him but who is it hey mr barrow

send him in please

hello aaron hello this is tom keller one of our
writers drink no thank you i just dropped by for a

few minutes i thought i'd uh pick up these tapes
oh i'd like to talk to you about your new book

great idea of putting it on tape oh yes my
bug well it's a bit rough at the moment but

i think you'll be able to get the general flow
of the story then it is a story uh yes of course

i hope you don't mind warren but i asked
tom to come in to listen to it another

opinion always helps it's quite an unusual
book very unusual yeah well i hope i didn't

confuse you by using my own name it's just
a device to make the thing more realistic

well uh what did you think i'll be honest with you
it does seem a bit far-fetched don't you agree tom

no not really i i think it could very easily
happen in real life but it's so implausible

the idea of a character sending tapes to his
publisher it's kind of hard to believe no not

at all you see he wants someone to understand
the way he feels it's quite natural he wants

to share his point of view after all when
he's uh well when he's finished what he

has to do he doesn't want people to think
he's just a common m*rder*r he has reasons

i mean he's got complete justification he's a very
sympathetic character sympathetic i think he's a

weakling what do you mean obara's a total fool
now wait a minute nothing personal but tommy is

the character in your book sure let's look at him
he's completely under the domination of janet west

like pavlov's dog she was oc box but he's in love
with her well what kind of a man would fall in

love with a woman like that but you haven't met
janet waverly any man could be in love with her

you mean any man like barrow no no she's using
him he's nothing more than a pawn that's not true

in this business about recording a m*rder
plan in advance this belief in an infallible

false identity is nothing but the conceit
of an unbalanced mind he's not unbalanced

of course he is it's all in the book he
needed a brain operation and he refused

was that on the uh was that on the tape
don't you remember yes yes that's right yes

and i mean it's just my opinion your character
is weak and pathetic no reader could possibly

be interested in it i don't agree i don't
expect you to you're too close to it warren

i am not i'm completely objective are you you must

realize that barrow's wife was lucky
to die when she did don't say that

we're saved from seeing our husband disintegrate
you didn't listen you didn't understand at all

yeah i i'm sorry i didn't mean to shout like
that i i get so involved with my characters

well naturally i don't agree
with your criticisms of course

but i'll uh think some more about them if you'll
excuse me huh oh mr barrel do you have a light

it's strange the character in
your book has a cut finger too

yes that's quite a coincidence he cut
it on the safe to catch his revolver yes

well thank you gentlemen for your
help now if you don't mind i'd like my

tapes uh why don't i send them to you i'd like
to listen to them again maybe i was a bit hasty

that's a trouble with a law a man has to
commit a crime before you can stop him

and i i thought for sure he'd break did you see
the look on his face when i att*cked his hero

for a minute i thought he was going to admit
the truth that he got a grip on himself now

we're right back where we started exactly if i
go to the police he'll do what he did with us

to claim it's a book you know there's still
nothing illegal about recording a mystery novel

there's only one thing that
bothers me why did he come here

because unconsciously he wanted to be
stopped oh we didn't do a very good job

didn't he yes he used the name janet waverly
that's right and all the tapes he called a giant

west he was excited maybe made a slip perhaps
waverly is a real name where's your phone book

watkins what

waverly no janet wait a
minute iha waverly of course

he used their real first names try her on the
phone she's there with warner four two one one

and nobody's entering she's not home let it ring

and i'm going over there i'll go with you
no you risk the lawsuit take the tape over

and play it for the police keep trying and
i'll go and park myself in front of her house

hello janet why are you so shocked only me
well i wasn't expecting you no i suppose not

gotta lock that door i thought i had no it was
open you don't usually overlook things like that

how are you i'm fine darling but you know
you really shouldn't be here we agreed we

wouldn't see each other for for weeks
that was only if we carried out our plan

didn't everything work out

not quite

well you really must excuse me darling i uh
i'm really very tired aren't you interested in

what happened to ira i thought you'd want to know

hello is this mrs waverly janet waverly yes
does the name warren barrow mean anything to you

i don't understand who is this my name
is publisher do you know warren barrow

yes i do i want you to talk to lieutenant summers
of the plainclothes division just a minute please

mrs waverly two of my men are on their way
over to your home i want you to lock your

door and don't let anyone in unless they have
proper identification but i still don't warren

barrow is mentally unbalanced he wants to k*ll
you do you understand that he wants to k*ll

you

who was that just uh just a friend sounds as if
you didn't know the person oh we joke sometimes

why don't you hang up the phone i
thought we might play a game of chess

we wouldn't want to be disturbed would we
warren i uh i'm really very tired i think

you better go the board is all set up just a
quiet game you remember how it used to relax you

choose black or white white you start

i'll get it i'm very nervous aren't you

go ahead make your move that's a very standard
opening you surprised me yours used to be so good

helen was a very poor chess player
it's funny how women are different

some women can be trusted janet some women are
unpredictable and i think you know what i mean

hello warren what are you doing here

i came to apologize apologize yes i

about your book i was too harsh in victor's office

you liked it very much it's excellent really
it's the best book you've ever written

yes as a matter of fact i want you to

tell it to some friends of mine some publishers
victor's my publisher of course he is

but he could never give it the
circulation they look like this deserves

uh they're very excited about

should we get started

i suppose you're right

we got not to keep them waiting yes

with janet dead bella was happy he was
free of helen and now it was free of her

do you do now i don't know exactly but that all
happens in the last chapter and besides there's

no need to worry because there are any characters
in a book janet ivor helen creatures of my mind

i'm not quite sure how to end it it's
always the problem finding the right ending

it's always the problem finding the right ending

it's always the problem finding the right candy

this is the ideal sports car for me it lends an
air of dash and zip yet with perfect safety since

i'm only permitted to drive it on the sidewalk we
have arrived at the finish line of tonight's show

next week i shall drive back with another
story now a scene from next week's commercials

them

this you