05x07 - Charmed, I'm Sure

[bunniefuu]

- Charmcaster: Zs'skayr!
- Zs'skayr: I'm sorry. And you are?

- Charmcaster: Here to reclaim the alpha rune.
- Zs'skayr: My apologies,

dear child. I have no idea
to what you are referring.

Charmcaster: It is an object as old as
time itself, through which all magic flows.

It is the keeper of the true
name of my realm and a source

- of ultimate power, and it is mine!
- Zs'skayr: Oh, this alpha rune?

- I'm not quite ready to give it up just yet.
- Charmcaster: So be it.

I am Charmcaster,
daughter of Spellbinder,

conqueror of Addwaitya,
ruler of Legerdomain,

and I will not be deni... [flash]

[applause]

Zs'skayr: Back to work!

[keyboard clacking]

Ben: [high-pitched scream]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

[high-pitched scream]

♪ Ben ♪

♪ he's a kid,
and he wants to have fun ♪

♪ but when you need a superhero,
he gets the job done ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ with a device that he wears on his arm ♪

♪ he can change his shape and
save the world from harm ♪

♪ when trouble's taking place ♪
♪ he gets right in its face ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ when lives are on the line ♪
♪ it's hero time ♪

♪ Ben ♪

Ben: Hey! Not cool!
Some places are off limits to girls.

Even evil girls.

Wait. What am I doing?
[beep]

Swampfire: Charmcaster,
I'm about to teach you

- how to knock.
- Charmcaster: Him?

That's Ben Tennyson.
Yes, I'm sure.

Yeah, he has looked better.

Swampfire: Wait. What are
you doing out of Legerdomain?

- Charmcaster: I don't know. I think it's a loofah.
- Swampfire: And why do you

seem more cuckoo than usual? [beep]

Ben: Hey! Ocupado!

- Does no one respect the sanctity of the bathroom?
- Charmcaster: No, I did not

zap us here. Zs'skayr did.
Providence?

No, I don't think so.

Him?
I don't know. He's new.

- Ben: I'm still trying to figure it out myself.
- Rook: Great amber ogia!

- Charmcaster has put a spell on you.
- Ben: No, it's just a ... wait.

- How do you know about Charmcaster?
- Rook: Gwen told me.

- Ben: Gwen? When did you talk to Gwen?
- Rook: Oh, we speak all the time.

Last week, we had an
intense dialogue regarding spores.

- Ben: That's creepy, dude.
- Rook: No, that is creepy, dude.

She has attached a hideous
parasite to your face. Stand still.

- Ben: [screams] Hold
your fire! It's just a zit!

Charmcaster: That's a rubber ducky.
[chuckles] No, that won't help.

- Yes, they could be.
- Rook: If you say so, Ben.

- Miss, you'll have to come with us.
- Charmcaster: Great. Let's get going.

We don't have much time!

Ben: Rook, she may be acting
like she's a few sandwiches shy

of a picnic, but I'm not
buying it. She's not exactly

- the trustworthy type.
- Rook: Do not worry. I know all about Charmcaster.

- Gwen told me.
- Ben: Great.

Charmcaster: Yes, I know, but
he's being Ben.

- No, he's still arrogant.
- Ben: Hey!

Charmcaster: We both want Zs'skayr, so we
should work together towards a mutual goal.

- Why can't you see the logic in this?
- Ben: One ... you are talking

to your purse. Two ... you've tried
to destroy me on several occasions.

- Most occasions.
- Charmcaster: Oh, no. I'm pretty sure

he didn't mean it as an insult to you.

Ben: Hey, Rad. How
much longer do you think

we're gonna be stuck here?

Um... Rad?
Mr. Dudesman? Captain, sir?

You're not still angry about me
destroying that replacement part, are you?

[sighs] Fine. I can't
believe I'm saying this,

but does anyone else
want to be an adult here?

[groans]
[grunts]

- Ben: Hobble?
- Hmm?

[gasps]

[chuckles] Welcome aboard
the lovely duck, ma'am.

The name's Hobble. I'm kind
of in charge around here.

- And you would be?
- Charmcaster: Yes, I know every second counts.

Uh...Well, I'm trying to.

- Oh, look. Okay, okay, okay!
- Great. Yeah, okay.

- Check you later. Good talk.
- Charmcaster: So, you'd rather stay cooped up,

surrounded by people who clearly
don't want you here when

Zs'skayr is within your reach
and I can help you defeat him?

- Now who's the irrational one?
- Rook: Ben is.

Ben: Look, even if I wanted to
team up with you, which I don't,

- I can't leave the ship anyway.
- Charmcaster: And why is that?

[crowd jeering]

Ben: That's why.

Charmcaster: Trahant
turba cum panis et circensum.

All: Ooh. Aah.

Charmcaster: Now, are you coming with
me to defeat Zs'skayr

- once and for all, or what? [chuckles]
- Ben: I don't trust her,

- especially in her current condition.
- Rook: Her considerable powers

in addition to our own would make
a formidable team against Zs'skayr.

Ben: Fine. But keep an eye on her.
Anyone else want

to join this party?
Anyone? Scout? [groans]

[whimpers] [grunts]

- Ahem. [chuckles]
- Ben: Um, I think we're good, Hobble.

Charmcaster: No. The stumpy
one may come. He amuses us.

[chuckles]

Charmcaster: And we may need bait.

'Sup?

Ben: [high-pitched scream]

[screams]

- Wait. What are we screaming about?
- Rook: Try to look on the bright side.

- Ben: There's a bright side?
- Rook: Now you can walk amongst

these hideous, disgusting, nightmarish
creatures as if you

- are one of them.
- Ben: Not helping! What am I gonna do?

- What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
- Rook: Eye of newt...

- Toe of frog.
- Ben: Get those things away from me.

- What is that stuff doing in your survival kit, anyway?
- Rook: Gwen suggested I

carry some emergency magical supplies
for maladies of a sorcerous nature.

- Rat tail?
- Ben: I am not eating that. Aah!

- Uh, hi, there. Um...
- Viktoria!

Ben: Viktoria.

[gasps] He said my name.
[sighs]

- Ben: Okay... bye, now.
- Viktoria.

Ben: Viktoria.

[giggles]

Charmcaster: Ah, you know,
he doesn't even know my name.

I don't know if I love him.

No, no. I can't talk to him.

[gasps]

Ben: [coughs, spits]

Throwing salt over my
shoulder? That's for when you

break a mirror so you don't
have seven years of bad luck.

It's just a superstition,
so it doesn't work.

Give me that salt.

Rook: Try this instead.
[gulps] [gags]

- Aah, it tastes awful!
- Rook: You were not supposed to drink it.

- Ben: Ugh. What was that stuff, anyway?
- Rook: You do not want to know.

[Ben shudders]

Charmcaster: Behold.

Z'castle Zs'skayr. [thunder crashes]

Ben: Z'castle? Zs'skayr?

- Z'really?
- Charmcaster: Tell me about it.

[chuckles]
[crows squawking]

Rook: Those scarecrows do not

- seem to be very effective.
- Uh, speak for yourself.

Ben: You just had to jinx it, didn't you?
Eatle would be really

useful about now. [beep]

Swampfire: Whoa.
What is up with Swampfire?

- Whew! That was easy. [chuckles]
- Swampfire: Yeah, too easy.

Whoa! Aah!

Aah! Aah! How about a
little help here?! [grunts]

- Charmcaster: Oh, wow. What did you do that for?
- Swampfire: But...

- but when you hit them ...
- Charmcaster: Magic versus magical creatures.

Duh.

- Well, that's all I got. You?
- Swampfire: Why don't you ask your little friend?

- Charmcaster: Hey, Ben want's to know if ...
- Swampfire: I was kidding!

Rook: I thought your Methanosian
form could control plant life.

Swampfire: I can't even control
myself at this point. [grunts]

Charmcaster: Ah, what? The great
Ben Tennyson running away from a fight?

Swampfire: Hey. I'm not running
away. We were trying to get to the

- castle in the first place, remember?
- Charmcaster: Oh, don't look at me like that.

[screaming]

[grunts]
[grunts]

I, uh ... [clears throat] I, uh,
held them off as long as I could.

- Everybody make it okay? [beep]
- Ben: You're a real hero,

Hobble. [gasps]
Viktoria? How did you ...

[giggles] What's your favorite color?
Is it slimy green? Mine, too!

What's your favorite food?

- Is it gloppy? Mine, too!
- Ben: So... anyway.

Charmcaster: Oh, I can't believe
that little kid came along back there.

- Rook: What direction does it say?
- Ben: Don't encourage her.

- Rook: Well, do you know where we are going?
- Ben: No.

But, for the record, we are now
taking directions from a purse.

[coughs]
Rook: Foetida piscis! Hmm.

Gwen said that would work.

- Ben: You're texting Gwen?
- Rook: My own knowledge of magical things is very limited.

- Ben: She's just making stuff up for you to do to me.
- Rook: I do not think she

- would do that.
- Ben: Oh, I'm pretty sure she would.

Charmcaster: Uh-huh. This way!

Ben: Everyone, back up very slowly.

- Charmcaster: Oops. My bad.
- Ben: A purse. I'm just saying.

Both: Come play with us.

We are not going that way.

Rook: [gasps]

Charmcaster: Yes,
you have lost weight.

- Hoo! Ha! Oh, yeah!
- Ben: Man, even Hobble got a cool monster.

[roars]

Ben: Whoa. Now, this
is the coolest thing ever!

[beep]
Swampfire: Swampfire? Again?!

[grunts]
Swampfire: Man, you are ugly. [grunts]

- Gross. [beep]
- Rook: They're monstrous

- versions of ourselves.
- Swampfire: Yeah, I got that, Rook.

[screams]

Swampfire: Whoa!
Are you biting me? [grunts]

They're mirrors! Break them!

[chuckles]

Zs'skayr: I've been expecting you.

Zs'skayr: It certainly took
you long enough, Charmcaster.

Not quite the sorceress
you profess to be if

you cannot handle a
simple teleportation spell.

Charmcaster: The alpha rune is mine!

Zs'skayr: With my compliments.

- What?
- Charmcaster: You can't be serious.

- Swampfire: You're kidding, right?
- Rook: Excuse me?

Zs'skayr: Enjoy your worthless rock
now that I've drained all its power.

Keep it as a souvenir of my victory.

[cackles]

Swampfire: No, wait!

Well, that was... anticlimactic.
[scarecrows rumbling] Huh?

Charmcaster: Yes, he is
always that presumptuous.

- Swampfire: [grunting] A little help here?
- Charmcaster: I know, right?

That fool Zs'skayr. The alpha rune
is weakened, but far from powerless.

[growls]

Whoa! Whoa!
[screams]

Swampfire: Okay, that is the coolest
thing ever. Let's squash these... um...

- Squash.
- Charmcaster: My thoughts exactly.

Swampfire: [grunts]

[gasping] I thought we had something.

- Rook: [grunts] It is not so awesome now, is it?
- Swampfire: [grunts]

No, it's still pretty awesome.

[grunts] [sighs]

Whew! Lucky I fell into
a bunch of duds. Whoa!

[beep]

- Rook: Ben!
- Charmcaster: Huh?

Swampfire: What am I? In season?

Oh, come on.
Give it a rest.

- Who with the what now?
- Rook: It appears that your

new form has given you
command over them. [grunts]

- Swampfire: Oh, I am liking this.
- Rook: Ben!

Swampfire: I got this. Creepy
pumpkin-headed guys, att*ck!

Charmcaster: Oh! Oh! [grunts]

Rook: The alpha rune!

- Swampfire: Huh?
- Viktoria Tennyson. [sighs]

Swampfire: Um... Yeah, look, kid.
Y-you're great and all, but,

well, actually, you're kind of creeping
me out. But you have to get

out of the way. You're
gonna get us both ... whoa!

[grunting]

Swampfire: Really, Charmcaster?
The rune means that much to you?

What happened to the
whole "let's team up" idea?

- Charmcaster: Hmm. I changed my mind.
- Swampfire: Which one?

Um...

My love, can't we
work this out? [grunts]

- Charmcaster: Do I know you?
- Ouch. [gasps]

Rook: Good thinking, Hobble.
Throw something else at her.

Sorry, my dear. This hurts
me more than it hurts you.

Not literally, of course. This isn't
gonna hurt me at all. [chuckles]

[grunts]
Charmcaster: [grunts]

Rook: Notgnihsaw amikay!

[grunting]
Sorry, sweetheart. Sorry.

[grunts]
Swampfire: Is there anything left in there?

- [grunts] Whoa!
- Rook: Just Gwen's book of spells.

Swampfire: Ooh! See
if it'll do something!

Rook: Should I throw it at her
and hope she gets a paper cut?

- Swampfire: No. No, no. Read it!
- Rook: The whole thing?

Swampfire: Skip around!
Read some good parts.

Rook: Uh, could you be more specific?

Swampfire: Uh... something
that sounds magic-y.

Rook: Uh, hum, um, uh...
E-es-estote quasi... integumentum.

- imatari proximum!
- Charmcaster: [gasps]

- Swampfire: Wow.
- Where did you send her?

Rook: I have no idea.

Swampfire: Just as long as it's
not my bathroom, I'm good. [beep]

Ben: Hey. I guess one of Gwen's
cures finally worked after all.

Rook: Actually, most likely, your unpleasant
skin condition was a direct result of Swampfire

- slowly blossoming into his new form.
- Ben: What makes you think that?

- Rook: Gwen told me.
- Ben: Of course she did.

Well, you tell her that ... aah!

- Hmm.
- Ben: Ah, that's okay, Viktoria.

You don't have to
thank me for saving you.

It's all in a day's work for
a superhero like me. [smooches]

I don't know what I
ever saw in you. Blech!

Charmcaster: No. No, no, no!

I was so close! I almost had him!

It's all your fault. Why didn't you
tell me the fuzzy one knew magic?

He did not. It was strictly his proximity
to the alpha rune that allowed the

spells to form. I can
only do so much in this

current form in which you
have imprisoned me, master.

Charmcaster: Don't you
forget that, Addwaitya.

I'm the master now. And you...
a lot of help you were.

Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't just crush

the both of you right
now and be done with you.

[indistinct whispering]
Charmcaster: Okay.

That's a pretty good reason.