02x05 - Retired

[bunniefuu]

Okay, um, U.S. Senator.
He k*lled someone.

A senator? I don't know!

[SIGHS] Pass.

[PAPERS RUSTLE]

Um, uh... uh, blind singer.

- John Lennon!
- Time.

Oh, my God, wha... Stevie Wonder.

Mm, how does he play the
piano if he's blind, Ava?

Oh. Okay.

So you guys got zero points again.

- God.
- Unbelievable.

- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.

Go.

Bought your old house.

- Suzanne Pleshette.
- Yes.

Stole your hairdresser.

- Keith Urban.
- Yes.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Didn't say hi at JFK.

- Marie Osmond.
- Yep.

You don't know her. Pass.

Ooh! Cheap couch.

Oh, Barbara Bush!

- This is so easy.
- Yes.

You used to share a gardener.

Siegfried.

- [STAMMERS] Roy.
- Yes.

♪ ♪

Innocent.

- Ted Kennedy.
- Yes.

There was no guardrail.

- Five seconds.
- Um...

broken condom.

- Robert Mitchum.
- Yes!

- [CACKLES]
- Time!

We did it! We did it!

- You guys obviously win again.
- Yes!

It's, like, to .

I think we should work.

[LAUGHTER]

You big baby.

[THE IDES OF MARCH'S "VEHICLE"]

[BOMBASTIC MUSIC]

My business manager embezzled from me

and bought himself a
place in Tallahassee.

I sued him, and the court gave
me the house in Tallahassee.

I said, "Why are you punishing me?"

I don't know. I don't
know. I don't know.

Is that too... I mean, "Boo-hoo,

my business manager stole from me"?

Well, yeah,

but it's what really happened to you.

We just need to write
a better punch line.

Um...

what about...

"My business manager stole
from me and bought a Rolex.

Now every time he looks at it,
it says ' years to life.'"

- It's not terrible.
- [CHUCKLES]

That's what I love to hear.

[SIGHS] This is hard.

Oh, my God!

How do you take those all at once?

- [GULPS]
- Oh!

It takes too much time
to take them individually.

So you have to unhinge
your jaw like a snake?

- God, I could never.
- Oh, yeah, you could.

I've seen you take a
bite of a hamburger.

Here. In fact, here. You
should take one of these.

Oh, I don't...

Oh, come on. Take it. It's good for you.

- You need it.
- Wait, this is huge.

[COUGHING, GASPING]

Hi. We have an emergency.

They're retiring Black Pashmina.

- What?
- Yeah.

- It's being discontinued.
- No!

- Can I have some water?
- I'm so sorry.

[RASPINGLY] What's that?

Ugh, it's the fragrance
I have worn for years.

I found a Lord & Taylor
miles from here,

- and they have it in stock.
- [GASPS]

Okay, all right, if we skip
the meet and greet and reroute,

we can still make it
to Springfield on time.

Really? Oh, my God.
I'm so glad you're here.

Oh, there's a free gift with purchase.

Lip liner and a travel
size of the fragrance.

Oh, no, they're gonna
sell like wildfire.

- Yep.
- Phil! Step on it.

We're taking a detour.

And remember, yellow means hit the gas!

[LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

So I use four to six bottles every...

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

I'm gonna need bottles.

That is a lot of bottles.

Well, I plan on living to be .

Conservatively.

Optimistically, .

Wow. Like, biblical almost.
What's in those pills?

Well, I've been on a Mediterranean
diet for the last years.

I come from Pilgrim blood.

We're a very hearty people.

Um...

not sure you should be,

like, proud of descending
from colonizers.

I just, like, think that...

Tweet it.

No can do. [CHUCKLES]

[SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING]

Yeah, I'm gonna take the testers too.

Okay, I need more.

See if you can find any
anywhere on our route.

Yeah. Okay.

You and I are gonna go

to the clearance rack before we go.

People in this part of the
country don't understand fashion,

so the best stuff gets passed over.

Wow, what happened to,

"Just because they don't
live in New York or LA

doesn't mean they don't
know what's funny"?

They know comedy.

- But they dress like tableware.
- [LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

When I was a kid, I used
to hide in these racks,

and one time I hid way too well

and my mom couldn't find
me for, like, nine hours.

- Oh, God.
- I realized you could survive

in a mall for a long time, though.

- Like, you could sleep in the home goods section.
- [CHUCKLES]

Live off samples from the food court.

Go to school at Barnes & Noble.

That'd make a good movie.
Kid grows up in a mall.

Yeah, it could be, like...

a metaphor for losing a parent.

Like, "Home Alone" meets
late stage capitalism.

You should write that.

[GASPS]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

See, this wouldn't fit
me, but this would fit...

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

Finally! A woman!

Ugh, you've gotta hire an HR person.

I'm buying this for
you. I'm buying it all.

- I don't want this.
- Oh, it's not for you.

It's for the rest of us.

Deborah?

Susan.

Susan Essig?

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Oh, my God. The hell?

Oh, my God.

This is Ava. Ava, Susan.

- It's been forever.
- Yeah, I know.

Just think, a child born
the day I quit comedy

would be old enough to quit comedy now.

[CHUCKLES] Wait, wait.
When did you quit?

I retired after that Reno showcase.

You remember that?

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

[LAUGHING] What are you doing here?

Well, actually, we're on
our way to Springfield.

I'm doing the state fair.

- Oh, fun. That's...
- Excuse me.

I'm still waiting on
those flats in an / .

You're excused. She's
actually helping us.

Yeah, I actually do work on commission,

so I should probably
get back to helping her.

Oh. Yeah, well, good, good.
Wait, no, she needs shoes.

Ava, go pick out some shoes.

- Anything I want?
- Sure.

Not from the men's department!

You know, the state fair
is very popular around here.

My grandkids love it.

They go crazy for
those deep fried Oreos.

I know I'm spoiling them,
but I'll be long dead

by the time they develop diabetes.

[LAUGHING] Oh, God.

Oh, well, look, you know what?

Tell you what, why don't you bring them?

Bring them to the fair
and come and see the show.

Well, we'd love that.

- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
- Yeah. Good.

- Give me your number.
- Yeah, yeah. Let's see.

- Now you put yours in mine.
- Oh.

Okay, and then I'll put mine in yours.

Okay, so I don't know.

I opened something called Keynote?

Oh, sh**t, I just put my number

- in your calculator.
- Oh, well, you know what?

Here, take a picture of my calculator,

and then you could text me the picture.

Well, which one's your camera?

- No, the camera on your phone.
- Ugh.

Stepping in, folks.

- Just gonna...
- [PHONES BEEPING]

Handle that for you guys. No problem.

[PHONES BLIP, CHIME]

There you go.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Thanks.

I should go help that bitch.

- [LAUGHS]
- But I'll see you at the fair.

Go, go. All right, talk to you soon.

[SIGHS] Okay, loafer report.

[WHISTLES] Deborah.

Okay, so these are technically unisex,

but I thought you might like them

because they are $ .

♪ ♪

You okay?

Yeah.

It's just kind of weird when
I run into one of the ones

who didn't make it, you know?

I just feel bad.

It's not your fault.

In the case of Susan, it kind of is.

What do you mean?

There was this stand-up
showcase in Reno,

and the finalists all got
to go to the nationals,

and if you won, then you were booked

on all the college shows,
so it was a really huge deal.

And I knew that there was
only room for one woman,

if that, so...

[SIGHS]

I erased Susan's name off the whiteboard

so she wouldn't know she'd
made it into the final round.

Whoa.

Yeah, I know, I know.

And right after that, she retired.

And now she works for commission
in the shoe department.

Eh, a little classist.

She was really good, you know?

I saw her as competition.

[GROANS]

Why did I invite her to the fair?

Last thing she's gonna
wanna do is watch me perform.

Well, I mean, if she's that upset by it,

she probably won't come, right?

You're right.

Of course she won't.

No, it'd be too painful for her.

Fantastic! Okay.

Wait, is this the way out?

No, I'm taking us to Mrs. Fields.

I need a cookie...

cake.

[SOMBER PIANO MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[TABLET KEYBOARD CLACKING]

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

Oh, Jesus.

Kayla, it's Saturday.

You gotta start using
that calendar I gave you.

Oh, no, I know. I
heard you had to cancel

your trip to Cabo this
weekend 'cause you had to work.

I thought I'd come here
in case you need anything.

Oh.

Plus, I feel so bad about
your trip that at lunchtime,

I'm gonna make you a piña colada.

[WITH JAMAICAN ACCENT] Bring a
little island to you, brother!

Oof, okay. Um, not an island. Also...

be careful with the accent, but...

that's actually very sweet.

Just do me a favor.

Could you make it
virgin since I'm working?

Um, I don't think I can, but I can try.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, thank you.

Thanks for coming in.

My boss.

Gotta love him. [LAUGHS]

[LIVELY MUSIC]

- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
- With all the discarded food,

I would love to see a
composting bin somewhere.

Ah, yes, let's make sure that nacho dog

returns to Mother Earth.

[PHONE DINGS, BUZZES]

Ugh. Susan actually came.

Maybe you should just apologize.

No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

I'll treat her and her family
to a day she'll never forget.

I mean, how much could
that cost, bucks?

Okay, I gotta go find her.

Do you guys mind doing
the sound check without me?

- No.
- All right, thank you.

Hey, uh, can you guys
handle sound check?

I found bottles of Black
Pashmina on the dark web.

- Scary.
- Be careful.

Perfect. Thanks.

The dark web?

- Think he means Facebook.
- [LAUGHS]

- Hello, hello.
- Deb!

- This is Keller. This is Mason.
- Hi.

Boys, this is world-famous
comedian Deborah Vance.

BOTH: Hi.

Tell you what, I got VIP passes

so you don't have to wait in line.

- And tickets.
- Thank you.

Thank you. That's too much.

No, it's the least I can do.

Well, I am just so
excited to see you perform.

Thanks.

Do you still have that joke
about the leper's penis?

[LAUGHS] No, no, no, no, no.

The set's a little different these days.

No, I'm actually working
on some new stuff.

It's... more confessional.

Huh, and you're trying it out here?

Actually, state fairs are good for that.

I mean, it's not just comedy fans.

It's everybody, you know?

People from the city,

suburban folk, you know, all ages.

It's a good cross-section.

Smart. You always knew your audience.

Well, not that time in Portland.

Do you remember the skinhead bar?

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Oh, they did not like us.

Oh, my God.

We didn't know they
were angry skinheads.

I just thought they were bald

and angry because they were bald.

- [CACKLES] Your grandma's funny, isn't she?
- Yeah.

Okay, who's ready to
go have a great time?

- Yes!
- Me!

You? Okay, let's go! Here we go.

Stick together.

Okay, so we have,
like, two hours to k*ll?

Yeah, I'm gonna head back
to the bus, do some work.

Really? Come on.

It's a Saturday and we're at a fair.

Don't you wanna, like,
go on a ride or something?

- I don't do rides.
- Please?

I was an only child, so
I never got to go on rides

at these things 'cause
my parents didn't want to

and I'd have to go by myself.

Come on a ride with me.

Okay, these rides are held together

by Gorilla Glue and rubber bands

and manned by children on meth.

Ugh, okay, fine, we...

we could bet on the time
the baby calf is born.

It says there's a $ , cash prize.

Think of how many skintight
polos you could buy.

Okay, I don't gamble,

and you shouldn't joke about clothes.

Okay, do you want to look
at the butter sculptures?

- The butter sculptures?
- Okay, okay.

We could get our caricatures drawn.

You sitting still and not talking.

- I'm in.
- Whoo!

- Okay.
- Yes.

Love the fair!

[LIVELY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[BLENDER WHIRRING]

[YELPS] Fucker!

Everything all right?

[WITH JAMAICAN ACCENT] Ya, mon!

[LIQUID POURING]

[SOFTLY] "Ya, mon."

♪ Ooh, if you like piña coladas ♪

[CHUCKLES] You do?

Oh, sh*t. Kayla, you're bleeding.

- Are you okay?
- I cut myself.

And, uh, I'm a little
wheezy from the blood.

But I want you to have a good time.

Okay, it's really bleeding, like, a lot.

For a second, I'm just
gonna have a little bit of...

Okay. All right. Just stay there.

I'm gonna get the first aid kit.

'Cause I feel a little bit
like I'm gonna throw up.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[WHIMPERS]

[BELL RINGS]

- Grandma, squirt g*ns!
- Can we?

Let's go. We've got four seats left.

Okay, okay, we'll take
'em. Just take 'em.

- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Come on down.

, , , , , . There you go.

This one's a little tricky.

You have to press really
hard on the trigger,

but not all the way.

[WHISPERS] Don't worry.
I'm gonna let them win.

All right, guys.

Three, two, one.

- Showtime!
- [BELL RINGS]

Go!

Look at 'em going. Look at 'em growing.

Who's gonna win?

There's only one way of knowing.

- Mine's going!
- No, mine's going!

You're too fast. I'm
never gonna catch up.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Watch and see. Who's it gonna be?

Look, Grandma's winning.

[LAUGHING] Oh, how is this happening?

[BUTTONS CLICK]

♪ ♪

Grandma, she's getting closer!

Come on, come on!

It's not coming out.

I think there's something
wrong with my g*n!

You're a lost cause!

Help me.

sh**t towards Grandma's hole!

That's cheating. There's no teams!

Come on.

♪ ♪

Whoo!

Winner, winner, winner, winner, winner!

[LAUGHS]

[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

I'm gonna go get some funnel cake.

Let's go, boys.

Um, this is for you.

- Thank you.
- Congratulations.

Look at you two.

Such a cute couple. My goodness.

- You guys married?
- Not yet.

- What's the holdup there, bub?
- Her personality.

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Uff da.

So what are you...

- what do you guys do for a living?
- I'm a writer.

And I'm the chief executive officer

for an entertainment personality's

media and consumer products empire.

Uh, okay.

Um...

so what do you guys do for fun?

Um...

Writing.

But isn't that your job?

Yeah.

Okay... um, what about you?

I own and manage several
rental properties.

Yeah, look, guys,

I'm kind of looking for
hobbies here, you know?

Something I could actually draw.

So again,

what do you do for fun?

The way I go through ChapSticks,

it should be a hobby. [CHUCKLES]

I like to organize my Pinterest.

I'm just gonna think of something.

- That's probably best.
- Yeah.

- We'll do that.
- Okay.

- [WHIMPERING]
- Okay, this might sting.

- [YELPS]
- Okay, okay, okay.

You think I'm gonna need stitches?

No, I think you're gonna be just fine.

I feel so stupid.

I was just trying to do something nice,

but I always f*ck everything up.

Maybe I should just quit

and go run Fox Searchlight or whatever.

You know what? It's okay.

I f*cked up so much
when I was an assistant.

- Really?
- Oh, my God, one time,

I was on Carl Dubin's desk,

and I sent two clients
on the exact same show

each other's W- s.

So?

So they found out how much
the other one was making.

One was making $ , ,

while the other was making $ ,

for the same exact job.

[LAUGHS]

That's, like, so
little money. [CHUCKLES]

It is more than you get paid.

Yeah, but I just do
this for travel money.

Mm-hmm.

By the way, next week, I need off

because I'm going to the dentist again.

Hmm...

okay, my point is, I
messed up a lot too,

and it's all part of it.

- Yeah, it's okay to mess up.
- Exactly.

'Cause our dads founded the company.

Well, actually, it's
just the opposite for me.

You know, I feel like everybody thinks

I have this job because of my dad,

so it makes me want to work extra hard

to prove I deserve to be here.

Well, obviously you deserve to be here,

but everyone thinks that
I'm, like, a big joke.

Hey, you're not a joke.

I mean, sometimes I think maybe
your outfits are intentionally

tongue in cheek or something,
but you're not a joke.

But I will say, sometimes,

it does feel like maybe
you don't want to be here.

But I really want to be here.

I want to be a manager like you.

Okay, great. Well, you can.

- You just have to prove it.
- Okay.

Maybe you could reschedule
your dentist for the weekend?

I'll try, but...

I already booked the ticket.

To the dentist... office.

Hmm. Okay.

Maybe we find you a local dentist, yeah?

Okay.

You feeling better?

[SIGHS] No.

Hmm.

Do you have Oxy?

No, I don't.

But we have Advil.

Doesn't work on me.

- Huh. Tylenol?
- Mm. Ick.

Okay, here.

So let me know what you guys think.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- I got you, girl.
- This is beautiful work.

Yeah, this is going in our dining room.

Aww, that's nice. Thank you.

All right.

- Yeah.
- Have fun.

Mm-hmm.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, we didn't really
give him much to work with.

Yeah.

I guess we're both all about our jobs.

But at least you're a CEO
and, like, super successful.

- I guess.
- Uh, yeah.

Plus you own multiple homes

and you're in a relationship with a . .

Actually, Wilson and I broke up.

A while ago.

Oh.

That sucks. I'm really sorry.

Mostly because I'm married
to my work, obviously.

And when I did try to have
fun, I almost k*lled a dog.

Like, for revenge?

- No, it was an accident.
- Ah.

Well, accidents happen.

I called Deborah "Mommy" earlier.

- Oh.
- I don't even call my mom that.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, Marcus, you're really smart

and so attractive and incredibly tall.

[SCOFFS]

You're gonna find someone.

Thanks.

Can you maybe not tell
anyone about the breakup?

Of course. Spousal privilege.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Okay, I will do one ride.

Yes!

Slingshot, bitch. Let's go!

Okay.

[INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENTS]

Hi. Um...

I-I wanted you to have this
hemorrhoid pillow they gave me.

Hemorrhoid pillow?

This is a plush donut.

But thank you.

You can still use it
as a hemorrhoid pillow.

Do you think I have hemorrhoids?

N-no!

God, no.

No, I just...

Susan, I...

I just... I'm sorry.

I got so carried away back there.

Oh, it's fine. It's a silly game.

But you haven't changed a bit.

You are still the
most competitive person

I have ever met.

About that, I...

I owe you an apology.

I think that I'm the reason
that you quit doing stand-up.

Oh, I wouldn't say it was your fault.

No, it is.

When they posted the advancing
comics at the showcase...

I erased your name.

You had made it to the final round,

and I can't help but think
that if you had moved on,

you'd have just kept going.

- Wait, what?
- No, I know. I know.

There's no excuse. I'm sorry.

You really could have made it.

[CHUCKLES] Deborah, hold on.

You think I quit comedy
because I didn't make it

to the next round of a college showcase?

Well, it was a national
college showcase.

No!

That was when your daughter

hit her head and got a concussion.

- What?
- Yeah.

She was, like, ten, and
she snuck a bottle of vodka

from the bar, she hit her head
on a table in the green room.

She got a concussion.

Do you not remember this?

I remember I closed

with the one-legged cheerleader joke

and it k*lled.

DJ concussion...

- no.
- [CHUCKLES]

Wait, wait, why would
you retire after that?

Well, I'd just found
out that I was pregnant.

And, um...

then that happened and...

I saw the sacrifices you were making

to have your daughter on the road.

And I just had this vision
of the kind of person

I'd have to be in
order to make it, and...

You were completely
devoted to your work.

You had to be. You were like a shark.

I mean, case in point,

you didn't even realize it happened.

Hell, I don't even remember it now.

Well, the point is,

I couldn't do it.

Or I didn't want to.

But it's nice to know I
made it to the next round.

[CHUCKLING] You were really funny.

I know.

You miss it?

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Sometimes, when I see someone

like Leona Skaggsley doing a guest spot

on "Grey's Anatomy", I think,

"Ooh, I could have
been funnier than that."

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, well,

not the most comedic show.

Well, sometimes they use
the guest actors for levity.

That's true.

I am...

so, so sorry I erased your name.

Hey, we both did what we had to do.

And it worked out for both of us, right?

Also, I told everyone

you blew one of the judges
to get on that showcase.

So I call it even.

[LAUGHING] You bitch!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- All right.
- Whoo-hoo! [CHUCKLES]

[RESTRAINTS CLICK] Down.

- Here we go.
- Here we go.

[STAMMERS] Uh, I want...

- I want to get off.
- What?

I want to get off. We need to get off.

You're the one who wanted to do this.

I don't. I decided that I don't.

I'm only doing this for you, Ava.

Excuse me. Uh, sir. Does anyone...

- let me off!
- We're already strapped in.

Stop! Seriously!

- Stop! I have a b*mb!
- This isn't a plane, Ava.

- Diarrhea!
- [LAUGHS]

Stop the ride or I'll make a big mess!

- [RIDE CREAKS]
- Oh, no! Oh, God!

No, no!

- [RIDE CLANKS]
- [SCREAMS]

Hey, I'm headed out.

Mahalo, my king.

And I was thinking.

How would you like to do coverage

on a couple scripts for me?

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, I would love to. Yeah.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Thank you. I'll see you Monday?

I'll see you Monday. [CHUCKLES]

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

"What is coverage... script."

- [LAUGHTER]
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You know what I'm talking about.

Being a female comedian
is a lot of joke writing

and then men telling you you're ugly

or that you should sleep with them,

whereas women in other professions don't

write as many jokes.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

But I'm lucky to be in comedy

because I could never have been a nurse,

I mean, my God, those shoes...

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

- Bessie is calving.
- [COW MOOING]

The calf birth is just moments away.

Check your tickets and head to tent four

to see the new addition
and claim your prize.

Lord!

Honey, I think you should
have had a C-section.

[LAUGHTER] Ouch.

ANNOUNCER: You know the
rule. Hooves on the ground.

Oh, there she is!

Winning time is : .

Please go to the livestock stall

to check your tickets
and collect your winnings.

Check your watches, folks.

You know, as I was saying before the...

future cheeseburger interrupted...

[LAUGHTER]

[COW MOOING]

ANNOUNCER: Folks,
we've got another calf!

They're twins, which
means multiple winners.

[AUDIENCE CHATTERING]

[SOMBER MUSIC]

You know, I didn't know I was gonna
be competing for stage time today.

Should've shown more cleavage.

[COW MOOING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪ ♪

Hey. [CHUCKLES]

Whew.

State fair's a tough crowd, huh?

Yeah, well, it's hard
to share a time slot

- with the miracle of life.
- [LAUGHS]

Yeah, well, not the first time

I've been upstaged by
a scene-stealing cow.

I worked with Chevy Chase in the ' s.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Thanks. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Thanks for coming.
- Good to see you.

You too.

You hang in there.

Come on, boys.

[SOFT MUSIC]

Thanks.

♪ ♪

You actually look good here, though.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[LAUGHTER]

♪ ♪

You want to b*at us at Celebrity?

No.

Thanks. I'm not in the mood.

We got you something.

[LAUGHS]

- He was very kind to your hands.
- [CHUCKLES]

I kept 'em in my pockets.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, congratulations
to the happy couple.

Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.

♪ ♪

That would have happened
to anyone in your position.

No one can compete with a
-foot cow vag*na behind them.

That's the thing.

Nobody at my level would
be in that position.

Doing drop-ins and state fairs.

After all this stupid, competitive sh*t.

For what?

Get bumped by a cow.

Fight for a residency at
Terrible's an hour off the Strip.

I thought you said
the MGM was interested.

[SIGHS] Well, they're not.

I should have...

just retired and gone out on top.

[LAUGHING]

Who are you kidding?

You could never retire.

You're gonna be up on
that stage until you die.

At .

And I'm the same way. I
can't turn it off either.

And nothing matters more,

even if it should.

Well...

- sh*t.
- [CHUCKLES]

You're right.

And I don't want to stop.

I like the work.

You know, Deborah, back
in Vegas, you were on top.

But with all due respect...

I think that was just a hill.

And now you're climbing a mountain.

♪ ♪

A mountain? Ugh.

Sounds exhausting.

We can't even figure out that stupid

business manager punch line.

[SIGHS] Yeah.

Maybe it's, like,

something about...

filing taxes?

Filing taxes...

- filing...
- [WATER SWISHES]

Filing nails, filing...

ah, God, no, no, no, I can't do this.

I can't do this. You know what?

Get your bathing suit.

- What?
- You need to learn to float.

- Come on.
- [GROANS]

- Come on.
- No.

[WHIMPERS]

Nothing's gonna happen. Come on.

- I don't like it.
- Oh, for Pete's sake.

- I'll hold you.
- Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna hold you up.

Like...

I'm just gonna support you.

Lean back.

Lean back. Lift your chest.

Okay, what about this?

My business manager
stole over $ million.

If I wanted a man to take
that much money from me,

- I would have married him.
- [SNORTS]

Yeah, but...

no, we've got so much marriage
stuff right before this.

How about...

how about something about...

how much that would be
today with inflation?

- Well, how much would it be?
- I have no idea.

My business manager
stole over $ million.

You know how much that is
when you adjust for inflation?

Neither do I... it's why
I had a business manager.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, that's good.

Oh, I like that. I like that.

- I gotta write that down.
- Wait, no, no.

Don't leave me.

You got it.

[U.S. GIRLS' " AMERICAN DOLLARS"]

[BRIGHT POP MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ Numbers on a screen
mean nothing to me ♪

♪ We're on the same boat
but different seats ♪

♪ And how could you ever believe ♪

♪ "It's not personal, it's business" ♪

♪ No matter how much ♪

♪ You get to have ♪

♪ You will still die ♪

♪ And that's the only thing ♪

♪ You gotta have boots ♪

♪ If you wanna lift those bootstraps ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You can do a lot with
four American dollars ♪

♪ You can do a lot with
four American dollars ♪

♪ You can do a lot with
four American dollars ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I don't believe in
pennies and nickels ♪

♪ And dimes and dollars
and pesos and pounds ♪

♪ And rupees and yen and rubles ♪

♪ No dinero ♪

♪ You can do a lot with
four American dollars ♪

♪ You can do a lot with
four American dollars ♪

♪ You can do a lot with
four American dollars ♪

♪ ♪

[SINGERS VOCALIZING]

♪ ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

This is my time to shine.