01x03 - Spring Awakening

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Santa Inc.". Aired: December 2, 2021.
Candy is the highest-ranking female elf in the North Pole; who sets out to become the first woman Santa Claus in the history of Christmas.
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01x03 - Spring Awakening

Post by bunniefuu »

Up the chimney.
Go down the chimney.

- On the roof. Candy, calm down.
- Never!

I will be named Successor
or I'll die trying.

Santa will see that I'm not
only one source of efficiency.

I'm a beast
who throws kg toys

on my shoulders like that.

- Candy.
- Breaking news.

From Easter Island.

Easter is cracking like an egg.

sources tell us
that Petunia the Rabbit,

daughter of the religious Peter Rabbit,

left the CEO position

after knowing
that she had thousands of abortions.

Oh shit! Here's Petunia.

Want to comment have been
farewell by father?

Yes, my father is a freak.

He's a hidden hypocrite
in religion.

What does my life matter?

And the millions of boiled abortions
and watercolor dyed,

hidden every Easter?

Stop following me!

He is a man of years
with the body of a lady from .

Because of his feminine hips.

Why am I taking another exam?
right after Christmas Eve?

They're so paranoid.

I don't die
without choosing a successor.

What if it's me?

I'm a doctor and I give bad news
to patients as gifts.

It was nothing subtle.

Could be next.
My requirement?

I don't work on Christmas.

And I don't do homes.
Did you understand?

Why is my doctor
to make me sick?

Which is even a good joke. Write down.

throw me some drums
and disappears.

Screw this! announced
the date of choice for successor.

Moved to Thanksgiving.

why are we
always on Thanksgiving?

It's all an imperialist lie.

And the turkey is always dry.

Relax everyone.
This is my legacy.

I don't want to be enjoyed
when to die.

You can caress me.

If it makes necrophiles happy...
Life is for the living.

I thought I realized
everything from candy

and then ruined everything
with the direction.

Yes, she has ideas,
but could it be the face of Christmas?


I've been a model for years.

It would be a very photogenic successor.

Think of me.
First gay Santa Claus.

Except Nick the Ninth,
the unassuming idiot.

No! Wash the f*cking windows.

see? I'm under siege.

- Hello! Get me out of here!
- Check it out.

You also want to be Santa Claus.

But you also stress me.

I'm pressed all over the place.

There! Oh!

I have a violation whistle.

This is my consensual sex whistle.

Where's the r*pe one?

Do not fear sexual as*ault.

It's time to reveal my identity.

The tooth fairy? Wait,
not. President Nixon?

Is he just a bunny?

I had some questions for Nixon.

I'm not just a bunny.

I'm Peter Rabbit's emissary.

he wants to interview her
for CEO of Easter Enterprises.

Thank you, but my home
located at Santa Inc.

And a company that denies autonomy
body to a woman,

even for religious reasons,
it is not for me.

That was the story that Petunia
released to hide the reason.

Her mental instability.

Peter is devastated
with what happened to the daughter.

My God.

This is the interview of a lifetime.

Think about it.

Osama Bun Laden.

Santa Claus freaks out if he knows I went
to an interview

and he's been weird with me
from the speech.

And Easter. Ham? Vomit.

I don't eat anything but shrimp

or very good sushi.

Or anything raw.

Nothing makes a man appreciate you

more than seeing like another idiot
wants you.

- Enter the game.
- I already have a game.

k*ll my job, bitches!

Lunch time is over.
To work.

- days to Christmas.
- I'm taking a nap.

Larson gave us another hour
lunch while the VIP tastes.

What? I'm VIP.
Why didn't you say before?

because I'm busy

and I don't follow your schedule.

I'm so tired!
It's like I don't...

The gum snakes are
more realistic.

I thought I was att*cked by snakes.

Thanks. my ladies
work a lot.

All right, bros?

I heard that the tasting
of candy was today.

It's crazy, since she's the queen
of sock filling.

You were invited. Did it go to spam?

The theme was:
"Want a Bigger Penis?"

Did you understand? spam?

I saved the folder to read
on Friday nights.

I found out that my cousin
Gerhardt has lupus.

Talk about the caramel valve

and the gum protocol.

Any lapse causes spills.

A dirty spill?
Not. It seems so important.

Nurse, bring a towel now.
wet. A dirty spill, no!

I'm out. And just so you know,

women enjoy
with one of your dicks.

Have fun finding out who it is.

It's not me. I have a beautiful penis.

like my wife
and my doctor told me.

If you're not a millionaire, by the years,

I'm going to k*ll myself, and it's a promise.

Hello. Is Candy around?

I feel bad about yesterday

I want to take you to lunch.

I have to go.
A fat man walked into my office.

She is not here
and I can't tell you why,

because I'm not a chatterbox,

but this gossip is too much
good to keep for me!

Candy went to a CEO interview
from Easter Enterprises.

She what?

to Easter Enterprises.

Embrace the pastel.
Inhale the fake weed.

Here's the basket. Enjoy the mango.

Don't sh**t! It's... My mother.

- How did you know?
- Your assistant told me

and I won't miss the opportunity
to catch Peter Rabbit.

I've been masturbating to his picture for years.

I've never seen him backwards.

I wanted to be angry, but

you held on at the bottom
on a plane for three hours.

don't cause me problems
while we're here.

Those teeth and legs.


Candy Smalls,
thanks for meeting with me.

I'm a big fan.

I read your article.
He made me feel and he made me think.

That's what I wanted.

And who is this charming beauty?

Your half-sister from the th wedding
from her father?

I'm her mother.

You are as beautiful as I imagined

when I eat...
I master the art of touching myself.

Shall we go to another round?
We can open another bottle.

f*ck yes.
Start that shit.

My God! Shit!


Girl, masturbate and sleep.
Good luck!

Good morning, Santa Claus.
Today, I can't go.

Food poisoning. I adore you.

Nice day for Jim to be sick.

They're all against me! Brent,
now Candy. I feel bad.

I don't know how to comfort.

You never said anything nice to me.

f*cking Easter Island.
From everywhere.

- Traitor bastard!
- Your Joy.

I'm Devin, Candy's intern.
Duchess of Smalls.

Stop that shit. I can eat?

I have hypoglycemia.
I feel sick.

- He thinks?
- If you permit me.

allow me to suggest
a meatball sandwich?

- There's a place close by.
- I drive.

This site is incredible.
Delivering eggs makes a lot of money.

Peter, is there a place where I can...

How can I say? Clean the dust
of my beaver?

- Combing pubic hair?
- It's the president!

he doesn't want to hear
about your genitals!

I'm sorry sir.

Bathroom at the top of the stairs.

Let's face it: the Easter Enterprise
has always been dedicated to the community.

I make the easter crepe
in the White House,

but my children
hand-crafted baskets.

With sustainable material, of course.

Community and environmentally friendly?

It's music to my ears.

As CEO, you will be number one

and I don't know what to do if you don't.

- You're the only candidate.
- Just me?

- I'm all ears! Literally.
- We are two.

Candy, I present to you my oldest son.
old, my heir Peter III.

Is he a fan of Candy Smalls, or more than
a little. He's obsessed.

Don't call him.
I'm not a stalker.

I love your work
but I don't follow everything you do.

I'm updated on some.
I'm just a fan.

Not. Be stalker. You're so cute.

Could do worse.
I should be that lucky.

Undoubtedly. P has already lost
the bunny tail.

Why don't you pay a visit
guest guided?

And I show her mother the house.

Cookie, I saw you falling asleep.
Can I help with anything?

Could you give me what the most nations
industrialized provide,

maternity leave insurance.

It saddens me that we don't have that,

but what to do?
- Review the system?

- Prioritize empathy and compassion?
- We agree.

Carry on.
I love the work ethic.

So sensual!

We call them subs because they are
like bread submarines.

I loved these sandwiches
when I was at school

and are still good.

- How's the internship going?
- Candy is so cool.

- You're ahead of your time.
- Candy?

Devin, you know I chose
the first black Successor.

Everyone said:
"You can't do this."

And me: "It's time.
It's past time.

It was time a long time ago
and it's been a long time."

They said:
"Black can't."

And I: "f*ck it! I know that,
Even though he's black, he can."

They made history.

I can't believe I'm reinforcing
Santa's fragile ego.

Now I'm back to square one.

I spend the day listening to:
"Who is the new successor?

Make me the new successor."

Take the day. relax with me
and with my hands.

- What house do you live in?
- Igma Loo.

Man, I was Igma Loo!

God bless Igma Loo. the others
they're all a bunch of poop. Good!

I chose it for that.
Because you are my hero.

I bought some for yours on the net.

- Look what I did.
- Seems real.

Chiça! Who would do this to my house?

You're right. I need a break.

Let's go to the old house.

We see the snowball fight.

I loved.

Throw snow at the hands.
were t

crazy times.

- Get rid of him!
- Good! Yea!

- Give him a scratch!
- Make him bleed his own blood!

Damn, things have changed.

Devin brought Santa Claus.
Two f*cking kings between us!


I slept an hour. the baby went crazy
and ate the guest room.

We spent the night in the ER.
I'm bad.

- You look bad.
- f*ck you!

take care of your roots
and then we talk.

Shit! I spilled the caramel!
Evacuate! Where's Larson?

I love your female brain
and your body.

I love women.

- We have to go!
- Without Larson, I'm a leader.

I have to guarantee
that are safe.

Even if it means not going
home for days or months.

This is where me and my brothers
we train every year.

Look. There are them there.

Hello guys. P .
P-, I love what they do!

I can already feel my buttocks burning.

This was for my trainer.
She will be impressed.

Coach? You're in perfect shape.
Sorry. That was inappropriate.

Anyway, what has the perfect shape?
It's all subjective.

You are my perfect form.

For a girl I was attracted to.

If you want to praise my body,
I give my consent.

And I feel like being a leader

requires mental and physical strength,
so I try hard.

I do squats, sit-ups,
the pin, "hambones".

- All.
- I envy your career.

Resurrection. Bullshit, right?

We only have one life,
we have to give everything we have.

- What are your dreams?
- Blow up this island

and boil two thirds
of the family in a stew?

Not you, P. You're great.

My quarters, which takes us
at the end of the tour.

- No! I don't want it to end.
- Maybe it hasn't...

If you convince your daughter to stay.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?
All together.

If I can't convince Candy
with merit, I'll be happy to drug you.

- I've done it before.
- It's so sexy,

make fun of crimes
against your daughter.

As the old saying goes:
"f*ck like bunnies"?

It's never f*ck like llamas or pigeons,
but f*ck like bunnies.

- Can you explain that to me?
- Let me show you.

I like this carrot.

This is better
than being at work.

Come here. Good!

I have to show you something.

Do you remember me saying,
that I don't feel passion for anything?

That wasn't true.

Wow. These tapestries.

I never thought wire would give me goosebumps.

- The pathos it transmits...
- Seriously? My God.

Glad you like it.
Nobody knows about this place.

You gave me the courage to speak up.

In fact, to scream.

I hate the corporate world
and I love creating tapestries!

- Yea! My God! I feel alive!
- Good!

You have beautiful ears.
So bold and big.

- Can I touch them?
- Clear.

Does not compare
your long and hairy ones.

Screw this. It's from the office.

- Hi, Jer. Is everything OK?
- No. I'm at the candy factory.

It's a mess and those responsible
are missing

not implemented

security measures.

- Anyone injured?
- A woman is under arrest.

She looks d*ad, but she snores.
I think she's sleeping.

What a sweet relief.

Calm down. I'll be back soon.

I have to go, but I decided to accept
your father's offer.

Thank you for today.

I haven't felt for a long time
so relaxed.

- You helped me a lot.
- You helped me.

I brought Santa Claus.

I'm going to be popular for the first time.

I know I look like just another Igma Loo,

but they are bad.

They make fun of my hair and clothes,
They say I'm dyslexic.

Dude, I'm dyslexic too!

- Yea? How did you get away?
- Yea!

Look at you. You are Santa Claus.

I became the class clown,

and got fat, which made me
more hilarious.

Fat people are funny.
Fats are disgusting.

I understand. everyone laughs

when I push my belly
around the navel

and I call it a hair bagel.

Let's change that sweater.
I think we are the same size.


I think you're fatter than me.

Fatter than Santa Claus?

Candy will come back,
but then she quits.

We achieved. Santa Incorporated
is sinking.

- Suck it, Nick.
- We can't, Dad.

Shut up. Hear me.

that happy shit
destroyed Easter.

Do we have a Black Friday? Not.

Kids fear not having candy

and stuffed animals? Not.

Easter was the greatest holiday,

then Santa Claus screwed us up.
But not anymore!

When we discover his secrets,

I will rule the party world!

Christmas will be so important
like a shitty Jewish holiday.

And there will be Easter every month.

f*ck the resurrection.
I will be the new Jesus.

Attention, world.

But, Daddy, it seems like too much.

It was a seduction mission
and destruction

and now you give up?

You will be a child of Jesus,
what makes you

who are you.

I don't even know his name, but you will be
very famous. All of us.

- Do you care about this company?
- I'm not an executive!

Honestly, I'm more artisan.
I make tapestries. It's my passion.

You're a rabbit, not a mouse.

Shut up and follow the plan,

and Santa Inc., Santa Claus
and Candy Smalls will be screwed.

Perverted son of a b*tch.
It's my daughter!

We have to find Candy.
Put on my sweater.

- Mom, your vag*na is out!
- Sexy, I love it.

Anyway, we have to go.

Peter just wants you for revenge.

But he loved my article!

That was a scheme.

Hate made my father bad.

We have to go.

Sorry brother,
but it's biblical and you're no good.

We do not have time.
They'll eat them in a minute.


The only childless rabbit
she's here to save the day.

- Wait.
- Go there!

Sorry. I can not go.

My father can k*ll me, but I have
of trying to save my house.

There is resistance. let's make it
Easter again good.

- But I love you.
- I love you too.

Behind you, brother.
Savages at six o'clock!

Jump over this.

Take care of her, man.
Precious cargo.

Thanks for hitting him!

masturbate with him
so it's very important.

Clear. Listen, I know I didn't go
the best of mothers.

I humiliate you, I fake yours
checks, theft of your account

and I've already sold your kidney.

I know. Every year
I'm audited because of you.

you were always
one step ahead of me?

You're smart like your father.
You remind me so much of him.

Sometimes when I see you,
I get sad.

Then I get angry that he left
and I scold you.

Sorry darling.

Your father was sweet.
Just like you.

But he didn't get far
in his career in the mines.

I don't want you to do the same.

See the snakes in the grass, Candy,
then you become one.

I have to go to the candy factory.
Thank you and good luck.

- "The body is mine, I decide."
- Amen, woman.

- Boss, wake up.
- Can you stop yelling?

We have to go to the candy factory now.

While I was sick we had
a candy Chernobyl.

The press is there.

Yup. what would this be called
what are you using now?

The best years of my life.

Put the butter now.
The oil will loosen the caramel.

Come on, people.
This is basic security.

see? Cookie, you're free. You are free.

Do not wait. Let me stay.

I still barely slept.

I'm with Candy Smalls,
to number two.

Looks like the leak is under control.

Having to choose the Successor,

Has Santa Claus lost his mind?

This one will be here a long time

and Santa Claus is sensible
to think well.

the only news

is that Santa Inc.
is working as usual.

You didn't have to cover for me.
But thanks. Glad you came.

It's good to have you back.

if I didn't lose you
for Peter Rabbit.

My God. Peter Rabbit is crazy!

His offer was crazy.
It was too much.

So many benefits, freedom.

But I realized that whether I become
Successor or not,

I preferred to work in a team
at Santa Inc.

than to send there.

This is big.
What a revelation of character.

I feel like I know you better now.

And you know what? maybe i have
been too hard

judging your speech to the board.

- Welcome home, Candy.
- Thanks. It's good to be back.

I'm live from the insurrection
on Easter Island.

Warning: you will never see a rabbit again


- Happy Easter, f*ck.
- I'll break the egg in you, b*tch.
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