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01x07 - Cracks in the Peppermint Ceiling Part 1

Posted: 05/29/22 18:17
by bunniefuu
Look who drives the sled.
Damn Candy Smalls.

- Thanks for drugging us!
- Move or I'll put you on a skewer!

Because? Nor are you the Successor.

Not even for Santa Claus at the mall.

How cruel!

Rhonda! No!

Who messes with Candy,
take the trunks!

Devin's idiot
will be the next Santa Claus.

I even practiced pretending to be surprised

when they announce my name, like:
"I? I don't deserve it! Well, I do.

But it's such an honor."

Oh! How embarrassing.

Do you have honey mustard sauce?

Devin is a cheesy choice.

Santa Claus was radical.

Now he's a company puppet

Cum! You are too.

I know about the conspiracy
of Christmas spirit bars.

You disgust me, Brent.

I'm only here because I walked away
everybody, you dealer.

It was not me.
I just followed Santa's orders.

Santa's orders?

he said he didn't know
of methamphetamines.

Nothing happens without him knowing.

That was just the tip of the iceberg

of the darkness that covered Santa Claus.

Bribes for Rich Kids
do not enter

on the pesky list
and receive gifts.

And there was inside information
in socks.

Bag information on the socks?
Actions? Always found it hilarious.

Scholarship information? In socks?

And cervix implants
They weren't just silicone.

that lap
has illegal titanium from the Middle East.

So much corruption. I'm not hungry.

Thanks for letting me know. Sarcasm...

How big is your thing?

- Can you tie a knot?
- Leave me!

Can I tie it myself? I'm kidding.

I'm back to assure you
that it won't change anything.

I stay in the room
I do the work for you,

you can call me sh*t.

Sorry, but you have to go.

My dealer is on the corner
and sanded with the press.

Take your sh*t and baza.

I love you, man.
Invite us to cool scenes.

Candy took out the trackers.

- I don't know about the sled.
- What a traitor!

told you when
did she send me to hell?

Lots of times, my dear.

Then Santa Claus leaves
to move in with a bartender?

Why is everyone against me?
I'm Santa Claus, damn it!

Everyone loves me. The Mick Jagger
text me daily.

You want to grow a beard.

I told him:
"Everyone loves your lips!"

Do you know who sold my beard?

Not. Very difficult to track.
So many little ones.

Open the door! Open!

This touch was so cool.

I would give anything for a simple "dlim dlão"!

How cruel! We tried so hard!

- Devin! Why are you here?
- He is your Successor.

when you die,
Santa Claus is he.

Must have come to k*ll him.

No! I would never k*ll anyone!

I just wanted to stay here for a few nights.

As long as you want.
You're like the son I never had.

He used to tell me that.

Come in, Dev.
You look like someone who likes dry cake.

He's my favorite, how did you know?

-Because he's my #favourite.
- Ended!

I'm furious! Santa Inc. it's so bad!

Stay on Amazon with me.

f*ck the North Pole.
The future is in the northwest.

At least,
Amazon doesn't pretend to be what it isn't.

- You know it sucks.
- And he does a great job.

Order cream and deliver it
in seconds is the maximum!

Your traitorous family and friends
they are morons!

Cookie and Goldie don't.

- And I betrayed my family.
- You know what I mean.

Get on your new bike
and join me.

- Line up?
- Well...

Am sorry. Santa Inc. it's my home.

Even if they hate me,
despise and laugh at me,

I have to help make things better.

But thanks for everything.
Thanks for the food, Curtis.

Those nuggets were delicious.

The secret is to dip them
in the fat itself.

They took everything. There is?

Hi! Check out our new home.
Look at your mother's tits!

I know you are angry with me
and I must have deserved it,

but now I want to help!
- We didn't hear you!

We're having a good time!

Candy Smalls! you are detained
for stealing the Sled!

They'll never catch me alive! I was wrong!
The chase begins!

And the chase ends.

Did she look guilty in the other?

- Let's do a search.
- It's a waste of time.

Look at my mouth, I love sugar,
But I'm obsessed with flossing.

Death comes through the gums.

Oh! It's not that kind of quest.

I shouldn't be stuck.

Me neither. I just want to give happy endings

In Hollywood they love it,
but it's a crime.

- And you, Hot Toddy?
- I went into someone else's house.

Santa Claus does it a thousand times
one night and it's lovely.

I do it once in a lifetime
and I will be imprisoned for years.

It's just for some.

There is so much corruption and hypocrisy.
Things have to change.

- But how?
- What do you mean, "how"?

Raise the dust!
Start a revolution, girl!

A revolution? I? Seriously?

- That's crazy until you give up.
- At

the taste of that phrase!

Sorry. I used to love a chestnut tree.

She was a very smart woman.

Even roasting in that f*re.

You remind me of her.
Before she gets roasted.

Yea? But I am the greatest
North Pole's mockery.

I will not be Santa Claus.
I'm just a smart nobody.

Listen, Candy.
You are a miner's daughter,

who rose to the top at Santa Inc.

All of us women
we hope you were Santa Claus.

We went on a hunger strike
when Santa chose Devin.

- Seriously?
- Clear!

Until they took us down
with a bolognese.

So delicious.

Candy, you will shape
to start the revolution

and change this shitty place.

When you do,
send me a cake.

Thank you for the vote of confidence.
You know very well.

But I'm stuck,
so i can't do anything.

- Candy Smalls! You have a visitor.
- Biscuit!

Biscuit is the English cousin
give a great friend.

She is a powerful solicitor.
Sorry, she's a lawyer.

- Did Cookie bail me out?
- Oh... Unfortunately, no.

My cousin is still upset
for being "a stoned idiot".

She was an anonymous Super Pac.
Let's get out of this joint.

- Help the cause, Candy.
- Fight for all of us!

Goodbye, Hot Toddy. Goodbye, Tra la la.

It won't be like that, I swear!

- Don't forget the cake.
- Force!

A cute cake.

- Candy, how was it?
- Candy!

- Candy.
- Don't talk to my client.

I decided not to file a complaint
thanks to my gigantic

and incredibly cool heart.

And you're fired, you smartass.

You sent me to hell.

thing that I got over,
but f*ck you.

I was going to resign
so it doesn't count as dismissal.

But you didn't say goodbye.
You are fired. I win.

You're f*cking fired.

Everything is fine. I am free.

I prefer to intern at Easter
than working at your company.

Excellent. eat a lot of almonds
and disappears.

I love almonds!
Delicious mix of flavors.

Stop shaking my hand.
Is it morse code?

- A "f*ck you" grip?
- Yes, and nobody knows.

Which is highly.
So I win!

The show is over.
Thank you all.

- Damn! It always costs!
- Easy money.

And your work?
What are you going to do now?

Clean the cabinet and steal material.

I can be alone in the fight,

but my revolution
it will be rocking.

candy! So sorry.

my dream was to do
a karaoke duet with Santa Claus.

Not be the next Santa Claus.
That dream was yours.

Stop, it's not your fault.

It was your beard and your belly
and your d*ck.

And your university
republic and your personality.

- Hello! I was looking for Devin.
- Goldie, you look good.

- Candace Ellen Smalls.
- Compelling!

Malta, who's going to speak next?

Sorry, I was a goat.
But I thought if you were my goat

you wouldn't complain
of me being a goat.

But I was being a goat
and I apologize.

I'm sorry and... I love you so much.

- Oh!
- Oh, sweethearts.

You know what's strange,
almost a cosmic fate scene?

I would never have been
on Santa's radar,

if not for Goldie.

Goldie? You told him to try
be Successor?

Even though you know it's my dream?

You were always jealous of me,
because i reach for things

and you stay on the bench!
- No! Devin, why do you say that?

In a way, you said.

You wanted someone with a career.

- So I got ambitious.
- She inspired you.

Oops! The fault is mine. I'm already fine.

Ufa! False alarm.

No! Now I'm f*cking furious!

Do you think I would hurt you like that,
because I'm jealous of you?

I was happy to know
that Devin would be Santa and not you.

Very beautiful. This is so f*cked up.

I thought I would get my friend back.

But I'd rather stay on the bench
for a thousand years

than to sit with you here.

We're not even sitting!

And we shouldn't even be arguing!

We're just collateral damage
in a much larger conspiracy.

Do you realize you look crazy?

Girl fights are so weird.

The Igma Loo Brothers gave me
one punch and all was forgiven.

- Simple and civilized.
- Shut up, Devin!

- Shut up, Candy.
- Shut up, Goldie!

I need a drink.

I feel it's my fault.

- Yeah, you f*cking idiot.
- Oops!

- Hello!
- Damn, you're really sexy.

The last time Santa told me
this was on at Spruce Stock

to the tune of "bl*wing In The Snow".

Holy Mother of May and December!

James, you can go now.

If Santa wants to talk to me,
let him come.

This is not about Santa Claus.
It's about this!

I have no idea what that is,
but it looks private.

I acted strange
because I felt trapped in my life.

- A powder

Claus-trophobic co?
- Yea!

How come I never thought of that?

I felt protected and useless.
I wanted to feel like a young woman again.

A young woman who sold hair?

My father, Leonard Senior,
he was a barber and we gave our hair

to the poor to fill pillows,
mattresses and dolls.

I came from nothing and started to have everything.

But still,
I feel like I wasted my life!

try to burn me
With deceit and lies

Because, in the end,

Like a phoenix I will be reborn

Dave-Pierre! Hello?

I need advice.
How do I make changes...

There is? What the hell?

I left Santa Claus because he's the worst
and I came to live with Dave-Pierre.

And I don't regret it.

This man's tongue was made
to give women orgasms.

I was blessed.

I came here to vent
about the sh*t that Santa Claus is.

It will be fury that he doesn't choose me
as Successor?

- I'm moved!
- That's not the only story.

- Don't be moved by me!
- Jingle Jim, yes I am.

And you know what?
I have a plan to defeat him.

I'm going to make a one-person revolution.

My allies despise me,

but I can mend this empire
deceptively adorable alone.

Now, clap your hands.

That's where you got it wrong
when trying to be Successor.

To think you could do it alone.

You can't change everything alone.
You need us.

And everyone! all workers
oppressed by Santa Inc.

As much as it costs me to be nice,
you're the ideal leader, Candy.

They hoped to be Santa Claus.

Despite your voice
irritating and sharp,

I believe they will listen to you.
- No.

I was a beast and everyone despises me.
What could change that?

- You could apologize.
- He's right!

Women always apologize.
You must have a way!

It's not that easy, Mother Christmas.

I tried with Goldie and she just got worse.

- Try harder.
- The new Santa Claus is insistent.

- But yeah, let's do it! Together!
- Good!

Sorry. I did things I never
I thought to be Santa Claus.

I can't stop thinking
on the trip to the South Pole.

I was so happy to be told
who was part of the team.

It was strange and inferior,
but didn't mean anything.

You were so happy.

That's why I badmouthed you to Goldie.

Now I just want to be one of the girls.
Too bad Goldie hates me.

I heard about your discussion.
Looks like it was ugly.

But I also have
been through a lot.

Tomorrow I will say goodbye to the factory.

But it's what you always wanted.
A baby, a husband,

career, a premature ham.

You have a career. Or you had.

I look at the ceiling
to stir in melted sugar.

when the little one
tried to k*ll the nanny,

I realized that you are not happy
and neither do I.

I didn't see the first steps.

will it be worth it
not see my child's childhood?

Seems like the right move.
But can you hold on a little longer?

- I need your help.
- I love being needed.

- What is up?
- I can't say, but...

Please gather the women
from the factory on Thanksgiving Day.

I don't know, Candy.
I want to stay home for the holiday.

I promised Craig we'd be together
making the turkey

to your horrible family.

I told you that his sister
dating an ornament?

- They're all freaking out.
- I see.

But please think about it.

This time it's not just about me
and my ego. Promise.

I wanted to apologize

for having manipulated the situation
on the golf course.

Sorry, Junior.


If you thought that by coming

that I would stop being a fool
rude to you, you are wrong.

Now I'm going to be a rude fool
and vengeful, Small Brain.

What do you mean by that?

Elves have small brains.

The females even more.
I knew your mother, so I know.

Seriously? I had no idea.

All women are whores
and all elves are trash

and all elf females
are whores and garbage.

Therefore, I do not accept your request.
apologies, you elf b*tch.

That guy is crazy.

I know we have a complicated relationship.

- Sorry to have betrayed you all.
- Oh, Candy... I'm rich.

I don't want to know anything anymore.

- Mother? Can you forgive me?
- Yea.

When to call management
and recommend me as a lover.

Take some talking points.

"My mother never saw a pole that
she didn't know how to handle it, but attention:

Big Candy can cause
extreme excitement."

- He is well. Tony?
- I might be covered in jewelry.

But anyway,
I feel bad because of you.

Why didn't they tell us
What money doesn't give you joy?

It's a very common phrase.

I do not want to know! Sucks!

I only want one thing from you, Candy.

Only then will we be okay again.

If there's nothing under the tree

Do not be sad
you always have me

to me, to me

To me

You will always have me.
This is a promise.

It was really beautiful.

Even Tony.

the previous songs
they weren't good,

but you are like a monkey writing:
sometimes you get it right.

We all know I love monkeys.
Thank you, sis.

I love you, bro. It took years,
but glad we got it all sorted out.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Glad you came, Almonds.

I need advice. I expect
not to have robbed you of your family.

The quadruplets are only months old.

They will have no memory of abandonment.

And my husband is a sociopath,
he doesn't feel anything.

Anyway, it's okay!

Do you think I've changed over the years?

I stopped wanting to know
what is important?

You are fine.
Women don't.

Candy sucks, your wife sucks
good, my mother was a monster.

she told me she had
a nose freak

and she made me paint it.

The only woman who thought it was cool
was a dumb elf that I loved,

and that she left me for a miner!
To me?

- I f*ck human models!
- The Big Candy?

Was she the love of your life?

And on! The Sherlock Holmes
joined us.

- f*ck you, B Team.
- What a fool!

What a scary Thanksgiving.

I'll take care of it. Well...

I propose a festive toast.

in the words of my
primary teacher, Mr. Joopy,

who was arrested
for walking with a student:

"If no one lets you sit
at your table, there will be a place at mine."

Have you seen my barracudas?

Director's Bonus.

They always glow in the dark.

They look like floating cell phones.




Hello. Can you give me your attention?

Hi! Keep talking.

Friends, colleagues and family.
Thank you so much for coming.

I will be very direct.

We're all fed up with the sh*t
What happens at Santa Inc.

Let's change things! Who lines up?

I had to sit this partridge ass
in the radius of the pear tree for years

with a debilitating allergy to pears,
just because of a song!

Do you know what partridge wounds look like?

They don't look like normal wounds!

Are so!

My God, my eyes!

I complained, but nobody wanted to know.

Whenever I pick holly,
I am sexually as*ault.

The rollers have been replaced
and nobody says anything!

- What are you going to do?
- Listen!

I have a plan
that will leave you speechless.