03x19 - BizRipOffs

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Hey, Frankie. You got some mail.

Oh! It's from my Aunt Sylvia.

I hope it's money.

(gasps) Oh! Glitter!

Why would she put that in there?

It's all over me!

It's coating my esophagus.

I can't breathe!

(coughing)

You're being a little
dramatic, don't you think?

It's just glitter. It's fun.

(clock ticking)

(screaming)

Frankie! It's in my belly button.

And I have an outie. An outie!

Glitter is the worst.

Once it's on you, it never comes off.

There's only one thing to do.

Take down the entire
global glitter industry

one shiny factory at a time.

Yes!

Well, I guess.

Or we can make a Bizaardvark video

warning people
about the dangers of glitter.

Sure. Sounds easier.

But watch your back, big glitter.

We're coming for ya.

Hey, guys.

Can you be guest speakers in our
class and talk about making videos?

Sure. But you guys make videos too.

Why do you want us?

Because you're the defining
voice of a generation.

Wow! Thank you. That means so much.

Also we have crushes on two girls

and they're huge Bizaardvark fans.

I feel like that's the real reason.

Honestly, I just like to feel needed.

We'd love to speak to your class.

Anything to foster young love.

- Thanks!
- You guys rock!

Yeah we do.

(gasps) How did the
glitter get in my bed?

It's on my pillow, Paige.

Where my mouth goes!

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪♪

Remember, we're gonna introduce you

and then you guys are gonna
talk about Bizaardvark.

Whatever you do,
just don't embarrass us.

Okay, we won't. Just tell us which
two girls you have crushes on.

It's Tiffany and Mallory.

They're in the front row.

(giggling)

BOTH: Awwww...

RODNEY: Okay.

Without further ado, we'd
like to introduce two girls

who are definitely not
our girlfriends...

That's right. We're totally single.

Please welcome Bizaardvark.

(applause)

Thank you.

I'm Frankie. This is Paige.

And... Oh no. She wrote a speech.

The dictionary defines creativity as...

Yeah, I think you get the idea.

We make videos, you have questions.
Let's hear them!

GIRLS: Ooh! Ooh!

Whoa. This is a lot of hands.

I'm just gonna randomly pick.

Uhh... You two. What are your names?

I'm Mallory. This is Tiffany.

Ohh. Those are names
we haven't heard before.

Beautiful names.

Very beautiful.

Oh no. I think Frankie likes me.

Nice. Keep your options open.

Oh my gosh.

There's so much I want
to know about you guys.

Like, how'd you first meet?

You know, I think we could
answer that question better

if this room was situated
a little differently.

Zane, Rodney, why don't you come
down and sit next to the girls?

Yeah, that's right. Get these
other kids out of the way.

Come on.

Just move the desks together.

FRANKIE: Alright. Ha-ha!

And... Perfect.

I have a question.

Why are you called Bizaardvark?

Wow! You're cute and you
ask great questions.

You are going to make some
boy very happy someday.

I can't remember which one.

Uh, Bizaardvark is a combination
of bizarre and aardvark.

It's called a wombo.

What's your next Bizaardvark
video going to be about?

Funny you should ask,
Mallory or Tiffany,

because we just came up with a new idea.

We're really excited to sh**t it.

Yeah, it's called
"Glitter Glitter Everywhere."

It's about how once you get glitter
on you, you can never get it off.

You literally have to shake
your entire body, like this.

(giggling)

And that dance, my friends,
is called "The Glitter Jitter."

- Ooh, I like that.
- I just made it up. Also it rhymes.

♪♪

Hey, Willow. What are you watching?

The new episode of Lucy Lightning.

Cool.

Which one's Lucy Lightning?

Uh... The one with the lightning
bolt on her superhero suit.

Nice. And who's that guy?

That's The Destructinator.

He wants to decimate
the Earth and pillage

all of its natural resources.

Uh huh, uh huh.

Is he a good guy or bad guy?

I'm gonna pause this and watch later.

Wow.

You really love Lucy Lightning, huh?

I do. She kicks butt,
she loves the environment,

and most importantly, she's a
strong woman and a mother of three.

I wish I could tell her
what a big fan I am.

Why don't you write her a letter?

From the ten seconds
I've seen of this show,

I can tell she's definitely
the type of person

who would write you back.

Wow.

I never would have thought
of that without you, Bernie.

I'm gonna go write Lucy
Lightning a letter right now!

Great! You go, girl!

Bernie. What did you do?

I used really outdated slang.

No! About Willow.

Her writing a letter to Lucy
Lightning is a terrible idea.

When she was five, she wrote
to Fred the Furry Bunny

and he never wrote back.

She cried for days and
swore never to hop again.

Poor girl took up skipping
and never looked back.

Man, this could go really bad.

Well, good luck.

You're not leaving,
you're a part of this now.

We're gonna write a letter to Willow

pretending to be Lucy Lightning.

Cool. Can I use my smelly markers?

I don't care. But no.

♪♪

Behold! , pounds of glitter!

(sighs) I may have over ordered.

But we're set to sh**t

our "Glitter Glitter Everywhere" video.
You ready, Frankie?

I've never been in a room alone
with this much glitter before.

Don't open a window.

Don't turn on a fan.

And whatever you do,
don't make it angry.

Sweet! Barrels! Let's push them.

Nooooo!

(all yelling)

Oh. The glitter's wrapped in bags.

What sensible packaging.

What's up, guys?

We just wanted to say thank
you for talking to our class.

Tiffany and Mallory
were so inspired by you guys

they started their own channel.

(upbeat music playing)

Hey, guys. I'm Mallory.

I'm Tiffany.

BOTH: And we're Ludicrats!

That's a wombo of ludicrous and cats.

Ludicrats!

Introducing our first video ever...

BOTH: Glitter Glitter Everywhere!

'Cause glitter never comes off...

Until you do the Glitter Jitter!

(scoffs) They ripped us off.

Wait. Aren't they ten?

Don't they need parental
permission to post videos?

Hi, I'm Tiffany's mom
and I approve this video.

Awww. They seem really close.

"Approve this video"?

Does she approve of her
daughter being an idea stealer?

Ahh!

Loose glitter?

Be consistent
with your packaging, people!

♪♪

Your girlfriends stole our idea!

ALL: Awww. Girlfriends.

Paige, how are you not mad?

Those girls ripped off our...

Everything!

Yeah, but they probably didn't
know what they were doing.

They're ten! They're clueless.

Look at Zane and Rodney.

What are we talking about?

Sports stuff. You wouldn't understand.

Boys. Let's chat.

So, Frankie's kinda mad
about the video thing.

Yeah, super mad.

And what those girls did
was technically wrong.

Beyond wrong!

But young love is on the line.

You're... You're losing me.

So let's all agree to make this work

so that two future couples
can live their best lives.

And... I'm out.

We just have to go find those girls

and explain that what
they did was wrong.

- Come on, Frankie.
- ZANE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, that's gonna be a no can
do-sie on the Tiff and Mal sitch.

You guys talking to them
would totally embarrass us

and salt our game.

Oh. We don't want to be game... salters.

Why don't you let us talk to them?

We'll chat, ten-year-old
to ten-year-old.

Actually, Mallory's ten and a half.

I like the older ladies.

Trust us.

We know how to talk to girls.

Uh... Are you guys gonna say anything?

You've just been standing there
staring at us for like, ten minutes.

Anywho, remember how we're like
really good friends with Bizaardvark?

Well you mighta kinda stole
their glitter video idea.

What? We stole their idea?

We're sure it was and honest mistake.

A lapse in judgement.

A faux poo, as they say.

Oh my gosh, of course it was a mistake.

I feel so bad.

We have to apologize
to Paige and Frankie.

Can we come over and talk to them?

- To our house?
- Where we live?

Great. We'll come over tomorrow.

See you then.

Technically this is a date.

You know what that means, right?

No, I do not.

Me neither. We should do some research.

Nice. We just got ourselves
an all access pass

to Bizaardvark's idea factory.

That was almost too easy.

You don't think the boys
are on to us, do you?

After you, Tiffany.

No, after you, Mallory.

I think we're good.

♪♪

We have to write a letter to
Willow from Lucy Lightning.

Since we don't know what Willow wrote,

let's just keep the response
generic and fun.

Got it.

Dear Willow,

can you believe how expensive

generic body wash is getting?

Especially the fun scents,

like vanilla and that blue
one at the grocery store...

What is wrong with you?

Willow is a ten year old girl.

Just write what I say.

Dear Willow, this is Lucy Lightning.

I love saving trees.

My favorite breakfast is cereal...

No. No, no, no.

Lucy Lightning is a patriotic superhero.

Her favorite breakfast would
be something All-American,

like French Toast.

Forget breakfast.

Let's just say her favorite color.

Plur-quoise.

That's not even a real color!

(sighs) I should write
this letter by myself.

Amelia! Bernie! Guess what?

I got two letters back
from Lucy Lightning!

Wait, I sent her a letter.

Did you send her a letter?

Of course I did.

You said, "I should write
this letter by myself."

No. I said I should write
this letter by myself.

I feel like we're saying
the same thing here.

Ugh!

Amelia, are you okay?

You're turning plur-quoise.

These letters have a lot
of opposite information.

This letter says her favorite
animals are dolphins.

This letter says pirates.

Pirates?

So lit.

Her favorite foods
are cereal and French toast?

Her favorite activities are saving trees

and shopping for body wash?

Wait, I see what's going on here.

Okay, fine. Willow, we...

She's coming over for lunch tomorrow!

Wait. What?

In my letter, I invited
Lucy Lightning over for lunch.

And in this more
sloppily written letter,

she wrote at the end, "See you soon."

And tomorrow's soon,
so I better start cooking!

"See you soon?"
Why would you write that?

Okay, okay. I had a real quandary
on how to end my letter.

Okay? "Love" felt too strong.

"From" felt too cold.

And "Fondly?" Where am I from, England?

Great. Thanks to your "See you soon,"

Willow's expecting a huge TV star

to show up at our house
and eat lunch with her.

Congratulations, you're gonna
make a little girl cry very hard.

Well, there's nothing we can
do about it now.

Take care.

Warm regards.

Sincerely.

Ah, any of those would have worked.

♪♪

(knocking)

Dude, that's the girls.

Wait. How's my breath?

(breathes)

Terrible. Like a man's.

BOTH: M'ladies.

RODNEY: Care to sit down?

May I offer you a footstool?

An ottoman? My back?

Actually, we'd like to
apologize to Paige and Frankie

before we do... whatever this is.

They're upstairs.

It would be our honor
to escort you there.

After you.

Yes, after you, madames.

Oh, they're already upstairs.

Should we go up?

No.

That's just what they'll be
expecting us to do.

Man, you really know girls.

(knocking)

Come in!

Well, well, well. Look who's here.

It's the copy-crats.

Or the girls who made an honest mistake

but only because
they're little kids... crats.

Yeah, about that.

The boys talked to us and
told us that you were upset.

We're so sorry.

We weren't trying to copy you.

Yeah? Well, you're gonna need a
better explanation than that.

We love Bizaardvark and think
you you guys are so cool

and we were just trying to be like you

because you're our heroes.

All right, that'll do.

Well, we should probably
get back to the guys...

Oh, I see what's going on here!

You two "stole our idea"

so you could come over
and "apologize to us,"

but really you just wanted
to hang out with the boys.

Ah! I love love!

Yep. You got us.

Please don't tell Zane and Reggie.

You mean Rodney.

To you he's Rodney.

But to me, he's Reggie.

Aww.

Oh sh**t, Mel, my mom's here
to pick us up early.

We're so sorry, Paige and Frankie.

Thank you for hearing us out.

It'll never happen again.

Huh.

Those two weren't so bad.

Maybe you were right.

Frankie, when are you gonna realize...

I. Know. People.

And people. Are. Good.

You know I hate it when you do

that over dramatic pause thing, right?

But how else.

Would you know.

You're wrong?

That would actually be
a good video idea.

"Over dramatic Pause."

Like over dramatic paws,

about a pretentious dog actor

who believes all his movies
are Paw-scar worthy.

- (giggling)
- I'll go write that down.

Paige. Where's our idea notebook?

(gasps) Oh my gosh.

They stole all our video ideas!

Why are we still using a notebook?

I've been telling you
we should go digital!

I told you once, I'll tell you again.

I don't trust the cloud!

♪♪

- You worked up?
- Oh yeah.

So what do we gonna do about the boys?

The boys?

No, I was talking about getting
back at those evil little girls.

Frankie, Zane and Rodney are our friends

and they're gonna be
crushed when they find out

Tiffany and Mallory were just
using them to steal our ideas.

Those girls are liars!

They need to learn not to
mess with Bizaardvark.

Frankie, this isn't about us,

it's about Zane and Reggie.

- Rodney.
- Ugh! She put it in my head.

But he does look like a Reggie.

Look, I know you believe
in nonsense like love

and children having a purpose,

but the right play here is revenge.

And when Zane and Reggie know
what they did, they'll agree.

He does look like a Reggie!

Hey guys, we need to talk
about Tiffany and Mallory.

BOTH: We're listening.

Um, so this may be hard to hear,

but they only pretended to
like you to get close to us.

Now, I have several revenge
options I can interest you in.

Are you looking for
something demoralizing

or something that will
scar them for life?

That won't be necessary.

I kinda wanna see
what's in the briefcase...

We're not the revenge types.

It's kinda immature, don't you think?

But those girls
are making fools out of you.

- Don't you want to get back at them?
- No.

- Ahh! I almost got a peek that time!
- (sighs)

Ladies, we appreciate
you looking out for us.

But a three day relationship
can really change a man.

We'll handle it.

Sometimes not getting revenge

is the best revenge.

No, the best revenge is revenge!

Am I the only horrible
person in this house?

Agh, she took the briefcase!

♪♪

I hope Lucy Lightning
likes jalepeño poppers.

What are we gonna do?

Willow is gonna be crushed when
Lucy Lightning doesn't show up.

She's just a kid.

Don't worry. I wrote Willow a
new letter from Lucy Lightning.

Dear Willow, I can't come to lunch.

I have a cat funeral to attend.

Meee-ouch.

Did you go with cat funeral

just so you could say "meee-ouch?"

Oh yeah.

What would Lucy Lightning do?

I have an idea.

Bernie, do not show Willow that letter.

Just go out there and stall
her for a few minutes.

Okay Willow, prepare to
meet the small talk master.

Hey, Lil Will.

Hey Bernie. How are you?

Uh... Uh...

Lucy Lightning's at a cat funeral!

Excuse me, citizens.

I'm looking for Willow Duckworth.

BOTH: I'm Willow Duckworth!

I'm so excited to meet
you, Lucy Lightning!

It's an honor.

Jalapeño popper?

It is I, Lucy Lightning!

Here to have lunch
with an adorable little...

Oh boy, it's Lucy Lightning.

Yes! That is the real Lucy Lightning.

Which means you must be her evil

and not quite as
professionally dressed clone!

That seemed like
an unnecessary drive-by.

But yes, since the real
Lucy Lightning's here,

and this might be confusing
for a little girl,

there's only one thing
for an evil clone to do...

go hang out in the Game Room.

Or you could fight!

Bernie!

I mean, random, balding citizen.

There's no need for us to...

Yay! Fight!

What's happening?

Uh... Not sure.

Let's just pretend to fight
for a couple of seconds,

then you go down and I win.

Uh, I'm the superhero here,

so if anyone's going down, it's you.

Fair enough.

Lucy Lightning! Stun her
with your power band!

Right!

Pretend to die when I touch you.
Keep it simple.

(suspenseful music playing)

Agh!

- (gasps)
- Oh!

(groaning)

All I ever wanted was to be
the most beautiful

evil clone who ever lived.

And I have achieved that goal.

But the real Lucy Lightning was too
smart for me to win this battle.

Time... to die.

(applause)

What is this house?

That was great, Meels.

You really got
the world of Lucy Lightning

even though in your fake letter,

you didn't seem to know
anything about it at all.

Wait, you knew the letters were fake?

Of course I did.

One of them smelled
like "Amelia, the Perfume,"

and the other one had stationery

that said "From the Desk
of Bernie Schotz."

That one was mine!

Why didn't you tell us you knew?

You were trying so hard.

I didn't want to break your hearts.

You're just kids.

♪♪

Tiff, I know our relationship
can weather any storm,

so I'm just gonna come
right out and ask.

Did you guys use us just to
get close to Bizaardvark?

Yeah, we sure did.

Mal, I thought we had something special.

We don't. Never have.

Look, there's a right way and
a wrong way to go about life,

- and I think...
- We don't care what you think.

We're done with you guys.

Can you move away?

Oh. Okay.

I know what you girls are doing.

And since I have the
benefit of experience...

Doesn't that just mean you're old?

Old? Pfft!

Can an old person do this?

Ow.

That was terrible.

Oh, and by the way,
thanks for your ideas.

We took five of them.

The rest were lame.

Just like Zane and Rodney are lame.

BOTH: Lame lame lame
lame lame lame lame.

You still got that revenge plan?

Oh yeah.

No way! Our first piece
of Ludicrats fan mail?

(suspenseful music playing)

(girls screaming)

I can't get it off!

Ugh, it's everywhere!

Nobody messes with Bizaardvark!

Or Zane and Rodney! Right guys?

Guys?

Here, we'll help you with that.

We're so sorry.

Take us back, m'ladies.

Why do we do anything?