13x01 - A Place for Pets/Lockdown for Love

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

all:

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can’t hear you.

all:

Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

under the sea? ♪

all:

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow

and porous is he ♪

all:

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense

be something you wish ♪

all:

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck

and flop like a fish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- Ready?

all:

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[ukulele music]

♪ ♪

[background chattering]

- Order for--

Huh?

both: Om, nom, nom.

- Ohh.

Disgusting!

You people eat like anima--

anima--

Anima--

Achoo!

[sad music]

[barking]

- Oh, there’s my baby.

Oh, my little baby!

- Oh, no.

You cannot bring

a worm in here.

It’s unclean!

And some of us are allergi...

Achoo! Bah!

...gic.

- What’s with all the sniffy

fits out here, Mr. Squidward?

- It’s not my fault,

Mr. Krabs.

She snuck a pet

into the restaurant.

- Oh, I didn’t know my sweet

little Fifi wasn’t allowed.

- Aaaachoo!

- Hmm?

[poof]

[panting]

- Well, your sweet little

Foofoo’s gotta go.

We have a strict policy.

No pets allowed.

- What a shame.

Krabby Patties are all my Fifi

will eat these days.

Oh, I would have gladly paid

double the price

if it only meant she could have

her favorite food.

- [squeals]

[grunting]

Ah, there!

All fixed.

See?

"Now: Pets Allowed!"

- Oh!

How delightful!

- Of course.

Bwaa choo!

[overlapping chatter]

[cow moos]

- Hee hee!

I tell ya, Mr. Squidward,

I’m makin’ more money

than Neptune!

Hehehe!

- Aachoo!

Bah!

- Hmm?

- Hold it right there, Krabs.

[grunting]

- Oh, no!

The health inspector!

- Oh, yes.

The health inspector.

And I’m afraid you can’t

run a restaurant

and a feed lot

out of the same building!

- Hee, hee.

Ha, ha!

- It’s unsanitary.

I’m shutting you down!

Unless you pick one.

People or pets.

- Ohh.

Heh.

♪ ♪

- Ooh!

♪ ♪

- Ooh!

Oh, yeah!

I choose pets!

- Heh, ha!

What?!

No!

- All right,

you heard the man.

If you ain’t a pet,

you’re trespassing.

Time to go!

Get a move on.

- Wait a minute.

What about our pets?

- Oh!

Well, don’t worry.

I’ll still be billin’ ya

for whatever they eat.

all: Whoa!

- [retches]

both: Eww.

- Hoo, hoo!

Sandy.

Your Alaskan Bull Worm

certainly was hungry.

- [gasp]

Sweet jawbone of San Antone,

I’m broke!

Looks like I’m eatin’ canned

nuts for the rest of the year.

Ah.

[animals chatter]

♪ ♪

- Welcome, little worm!

Here at the Krusty Krab,

it’s a pet paradise.

- Aaah.

♪ ♪

Enjoy yourself!

And don’t forget to order

something to eat.

- [barking]

- Oh uh, maybe

I’ll order for you.

Heh, heh.

- Hey, man.

Could I like...

get a Krabby Patty to go?

- Sorry.

Pets only.

You can try your luck across

the street.

- Aww.

I don’t wanna eat chum.

- [laughing]

- Rawr!

- [groans]

[disappointed groaning]

- Heh, heh!

The house special!

- Ugh.

It’s great that my pets

are eating and all, but...

I’m still hungry!

- Aww.

♪ ♪

- Heh, heh.

[twinkling music]

[gulp]

- Mmm.

- I wish I was a pet

so I could eat off the floor.

- You are eating off the floor.

- Yeah, but--

I wanna eat Krabby Patties

off the floor!

- The pink dude might have

the right idea, guys.

If we dress up like pets...

We could trick Krabs

into serving us!

- If you wanna make costumes,

I have a craft corner.

- Oh, boy!

♪ ♪

- Aaah, plah!

- Oh, construction paper.

Oh, boy!

[overlapping chatter]

- Anyone seen the glue?

- [chuckling menacingly]

Now’s my chance to sneak

into the Krusty Krab

in my pet, Spot.

- [barking]

- [chuckling]

Hey...

What’s happening?

No, Spot.

Stop digesting me, Spot!

Bad Spot!

Yeeoowww!

- [barking]

- Barnacles.

[accordion music]

- Into the wall ya go!

[gasps]

What the...?

- Oh, boy!

I mean...aarf, aarf.

- Hmm...

- Hungry!

- Hmm...

- Ooh, ha, ha.

Ha, ha.

Woof, woof!

- Hmm.

Squidward!

- [grumbles]

- Rawh!

- Yes, Mister--Achoo!--Krabs.

- Why don’t all these new pets

have patties

in front of ’em?

I’m running a business,

not a shelter!

- Ow!

- Mmm.

- Huh?

- Greetings,

fellow lagomorph.

Perhaps you might consider

sharing a sliver of your--

- [screaming]

- [gasps]

I’ll just be...

[grunts]

[rabbits snarling]

[all gasp]

- Hahaha!

[cheering]

[all growling]

[blows landing]

- Pet fight!

Rah!

Aaaah!

- [whimpering]

- [whimpering]

[growling and hissing]

- Mrowr!

- My leg!

[cawing]

- No, no, no.

Bad scallops!

Aaaah!

[crashing]

[chaotic screaming]

- Who’s ready for--

a violent brawl?

Stop, please!

The Krusty Krab

is a place of peace.

[growling]

- Yow!

- Yow!

[growling]

- Dah!

[gasps]

The health inspector?

all: The health inspector?

- Eh...

Roar?

- But I thought you said people

and pets can’t eat together?

- Yeah.

What are you doing here?

- This whole mess

is your fault!

[crowd clamoring]

- Em, I was just hungry

for a Krabby Patty.

We’ve all been there, right?

Plus, I, um, I learned

something today!

SpongeBob, give me

a bouncy C, would ya?

- Ooo, gladly!

[grunting]

[lively music]

- ♪ Pets are people too ♪

♪ Just like me, just like you ♪

♪ Yes, whatever

you like to do ♪

♪ There’s a pet

who likes it too ♪

♪ There’s a pet for people

who like to run ♪

♪ And one for people

who don’t ♪

♪ A pet for folks

who avoid the sun ♪

♪ And those who should

but won’t ♪

♪ A pet for people

who sing and dance ♪

♪ A pet for people who cry ♪

♪ A pet for people

who take a chance ♪

♪ And for those

with just one eye ♪

♪ Yes, no matter what

we say or do ♪

♪ There’s just one thing

I know is true ♪

♪ We all eat patties,

yes we do! ♪

♪ And every pet likes

eating them too! ♪

♪ Because ♪

all:

♪ Pets are people too ♪

♪ Just like me, just like you ♪

♪ Yes, whatever

you like to do ♪

♪ There’s a pet

who’s just like you ♪

♪ Just like you! ♪

♪ Pets! ♪

[panting]

- Whew!

Pets and people deserve to eat

side by side.

- Ahee!

- Yes!

And a round of patties

for everyone!

Not on the house!

[cheering]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- Gosh, mister.

You’ve got more customers

here than I’ve ever seen!

- ’Course I do!

Didn’t you hear the song?

♪ Pets are people too ♪

- Well if they count

as people...

[dramatic music]

- Then they count

as fire hazards!

I’m the fire marshal, and

you’re over capacity, Krabs.

Shut her down!

Everyone out!

- What?

Nooo!

[all grumbling]

- Wait.

Come back, come back!

Me pet profits.

I’m ruined.

- Hey, uh--

Mr. Krabs?

I was planning

on taking a Krabby Patty

home to my Gare Bear.

You could overcharge me

for it if you want.

- Eh, huh.

Really?

Thanks, boy-o!

You’re a good minimum wage

employee.

- Yaaaah!

[crashing]

Ahh, hah.

♪ ♪

Aaaachoo!

- Pah, ah!

Urgh!

[tropical music]

♪ ♪

[creaking]

[romantic music]

- Aah, I’m floating on air.

A balloon ride,

a candlelight dinner,

and our wedding song

is playing!

This date is perfect.

- No, you’re perfect, Karen.

You’re the best computer wife

a copepod could ever have!

Bon bon?

- Oh, I shouldn’t.

- Indulge yourself, my darling.

- Thank you, Plankton!

This is truly

a date to remember.

- Well, my love, you haven’t

seen anything yet!

For you, my love.

- Ohh, Ray Ray!

[sniffing]

Aah...

- That’s right, baby.

Ray Ray is at your service.

- Ray Ray, you’ve got my

cooling fans running on high.

- Ha, ha. Get over here

and give me some sugar!

[kissing sounds]

- Huh?

- ♪ Do do do do do ♪

[yawns]

What a long day.

♪ ♪

[kissing sounds]

[angelic singing]

- Uh...eh...ehh!

Ahhh!

I can’t take it!

- What is it, Plankton?

- Hold that thought, baby.

I uh--

I forgot something down here.

I’ll be right back!

Can’t believe this is really

happening.

Oh!

The Krabby Patty secret formula

is finally mine!

Huh?

Huh?

Eh...

Ehh!

Hm, eh, ah, eh, eh!

Is this some kind

of horrible nightmare?

What?

A projector?

You tricked me

with a simulation?

- It was a test, Plankton!

And you failed!

You fail every time when it

comes to our romance.

Right, so I goof up one time

and now I’m the bad guy?

- One time?

Failed one time?

How about , , and...

[glitching]

Error, er-er-error.

- But baby cakes,

I left to go get the

Krabby Patty secret formula.

For me...

And you...

You know...for us!

Ehhh?

- Listen, Sheldon.

You need to show me

an interruption-free

romantic date night because

until that happens

no one is leaving

the Chum Bucket.

[alarm sounds]

- Aah!

[intense music]

♪ ♪

- Oof!

- You better not mess

this one up, Ray Ray.

- Ah!

♪ Da da da da doo doo ♪

I think Karen’s favorite

"scrap electronics stew"

ought to do the trick.

[laughing]

Yep.

Huh?

I guess it wouldn’t hurt

to have just a little peek

at the Krusty Krab.

- Hmm.

- ♪ Dee dee doo dee ♪

What a long day.

[yawns]

♪ ♪

- [gasps]

It’s really out there!

And this time

it’s not a hologram!

[scratching and whimpering]

Uh, uh...

- [clearing throat]

Plankton.

What are you doing?

- Oh, hey, baby!

Just adding

the finishing touches

to tonight’s main course!

- Aww, you are so sweet!

I can’t wait to try it!

[kissing sounds]

- Whew!

Good one, Plankton.

The formula!

Now how am I gonna get you?

[breeze blows]

- Yes, yes, yes!

No, no, no!

Slow it down, you maniac!

[panting]

Who’s that?

- Krabby Patty!

Krabby Patty!

- Eesh.

It’s that numbskull Patrick.

Hey, doofus!

I mean, star friend.

- Krabby Patty.

- Over here.

- Hmm?

- No, over here!

Come on.

Yes, that’s it.

You’ve got it.

Now who’s a good boy?

- [panting]

- Okay, now grab that bottle

by your feet there.

No.

[sighs]

The other drink container

by your feet.

- Hmm.

- Pick that one up instead.

- Uh?

- By your feet.

- Huh? Uh?

- Now look right!

- Oh, huh!

- You have got

to be kidding me.

Right, Patrick!

- Uh?

- Your other right!

- Oh!

- Yes!

[laughter]

That’s it, huh!

- Ah!

- Good boy.

Now bring it over here to me.

Yes, that’s it!

Huh?

Oh, where did he go?!

- Excuse me, are you

the window cleaner?

- How in barnacles

did you get in here?

- I dunno?

- Well, who cares?

Did you bring that bottle

I told you to bring?

- Uh-huh.

Tastes kinda funny, though.

- No, I said the other one,

you moron!

- Hey, you guys

are doing great!

Two, three, four.

- A thin piece of glass is all

that stands between me

and what I want most

in the world.

Why is life so unfair?

- Oh, honey?

Is dinner almost ready?

I’m famished!

- Uh, it’s almost finished,

my sweetheart!

What am I gonna do?

Think, Plankton, think!

Oh?

Idea!

That’s it!

Karen will never know

the difference!

Now I think I got

what I need right here.

Patrick, you may

feel a slight tickle.

- Oh, I like tickles.

[sawing]

- Okay, let’s get

a look at this.

- Ha, ha!

That was intense!

- Oop!

Almost forgot.

- Ha, ha.

Ow!

- You’re going on a date

with my wife Karen, Ray Ray.

- Oh, but I sound like Patrick.

- Oh, no.

You keep your mouth shut.

I will take care of that.

[high-pitched feedback]

[chuckles]

- Oh, Karen?

Dinner is served,

my little love nugget!

- Oh, my gosh.

This looks amazing!

I loves my Ray Ray.

[growls and giggles]

- And I love my Karen.

Now let’s dig in!

- [giggling]

♪ ♪

- Krabby Patty secret formula,

here I come!

- Ow!

That’s a little rough, Ray Ray.

- Ow, Plankton!

What are you doing?

- Ohh.

Oh, that feels nice.

Ahh, okay.

Goodnight.

- Whew.

That was close.

- Yep, we had another

money stacking day.

Hehehe!

Didn’t we--

Huh?

[gasps]

Me Krabby Patty secret

formuler?

[gasps and screams]

It must have fell

out of me boat!

Ooh, don’t you worry, sweetie!

Daddy’s comin’ for ya!

[tires screeching]

- Formuler! Formuler!

- Huh?

- Where are ye, formuler?

Where’s me formuler?

What have you done

with me secret formuler?

Formuler?

Where are ya?

Formuler?

Formuler!

Formuler? Formuler?

Formuler!

Where are you, formuler?

Plankton.

I know you have me formuler!

So just hand it over!

- Eee...

[blowing]

- Open up, Plankton!

I know you’ve got me formuler!

- Huh?

Who could that be?

- Uh, that banging noise?

Haha, that’s just the dryer.

I thought I’d do the laundry

so you wouldn’t have to later.

Kiss kiss.

- Oh, Ray Ray!

That’s the most romantic thing

you’ve ever said!

[kissing sounds]

- Hmm.

The formula is finally mine.

[chuckling]

Oh, come on!

- I know you’re in there,

Plankton!

- Wha?

- Eh, eh!

- Formula.

Thanks for holding it for me.

[both straining]

- Urgh!

- It’s mine!

- Sheldon?

Today made up for everything.

So I wanted to give you

a little something.

After years of research,

I finally synthesized the data

and came up with the Krabby

Patty secret formula!

- [gasps]

A-ha!

- Plankton!

Let go!

- Whatever you say, Krabs!

- Doh!

Aah!

- Who needs your stupid

hard copy in a bottle, anyway

when I have a downloadable

version right here?

- [groans]

You jerk!

- [chuckling quietly]

- Now...

the secret formula is...

- Is what? Is what?

What is it?

- [gasps]

Uuugh!

Ray Ray!

- [chuckles nervously]

- Uh, which one of us

is Ray Ray?

- I am, you doofus!

- Well...

well, I’m Ray Ray too!

- No, I’m Ray Ray!

- I don’t care

who is the real one!

You can both watch

this formula get deleted.

- Eee, Karen!

Darling, sweetie!

Please, let’s talk about this!

[hysterical crying]

- Don’t mess with date night,

Plankton.

- Aaah...

- Oh.

Nom, nom.

- Now this is truly

a wonderful date, Plankton.

And thank you for giving me

your undivided attention.

- I wouldn’t miss it

for the world, baby.

- Aah.

- ♪ La da dee la da lee! ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, boy.