11x03 - Spin the Bottle/There's a Sponge in My Soup

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

Mm, I don't remember this bottle.

- Poof!

Alakazam!

Your wish is my command.

- I wish you back in the bottle.

Hey, cut it out.

- All right, what's with the Ali Baba routine?

- It's my new scheme, Karen.

I get Krabs to believe I'm a genie,

I break this bottle, and then he's gonna put me

in another bottle.

- I hope it's a baby bottle because you look adorable.

- No, Karen, you hope it's the secret formula bottle

because then we'll rule the fast food world!

- Yeah, keep messing with that old crab,

and the only container you'll need is an urn.

Krabs should be heading out for work right about now.

Hmph.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Spongebob, pick up that trash.

- And a good morning to you, Mister Krabs.

Whoa, it's so pretty.

- Oh, no, that's Spongebob.

Oof, oof!

- I'm going home for my lunch break, Mister Krabs.

- Ugh, nagging Neptune, the agony!

- Whatever's happening, I'm sure it will be over soon.

Ooh, huh?

- Meow.

- Meow.

Ooh.

Meow.

- Hey, there's writing on this.

"Rub bottle for magic genie."

Magic genie!

I found a genie!

- Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot, ow, ow, ow!

- Yeow!

Alakazam!

I am the genie of the bottle.

- Oh, yeah!

Hi, genie!

Are you really a genie?

- Of course I am.

Now, as a genie, I command you to take me

to Mister Krabs.

- You silly genie, you.

You know it doesn't work like that.

I'm your master now, and you have to grant me

three wishes.

- What?

For cryin' out loud.

All right, what would you like?

- Oh, nothing for me, thank you.

That would be selfish.

But I will make three wishes for my friends.

Friendship is magical too.

- I'm gonna be sick.

- What do you want? It's my day off!

- Well now it's your lucky day off.

Make a wish, and the genie

shall make it come true.

- Anything to get you away.

I wish for a golden clarinet that always plays beautifully.

There.

- Say it.

Your wish is my command!

- Yeah!

- So we're done?

Genie?

- Well, I'll be an ocean monkey's uncle.

The wish came true!

- Good thing I spent that last summer

in evil band camp.

- Oh, magic is real.

Oh, Master?

I have an idea!

How about your next friend is Mister Krabs?

- My next friend is my best friend.

- Oh, for cod's sake.

- I wish...I wish...

I wish...

- Pick something, you bozo!

- Well, sometimes I wish I had an extra head

so I'd have someone to talk to when you're at work.

- Aww.

- Pathetic.

All right, your crummy wish is my command!

Give me your hand, Jumbo.

And the both of you, close your eyes.

- Alakazam!

My extra head!

It's my wish come true!

Oh, I'm gonna call you Noggin.

- Oh, hello, Noggin.

Nice to meet you.

- Noggin, say hello to Spongebob.

- Oh, he doesn't have to... - Noggin,

you're embarrassing me.

Say hello to Spongebob.

- No, it's okay, Patrick.

- No, it's not okay!

- Leaping lungfish, can we go now?

- Yes, go!

Noggin here needs to be taught a painful lesson.

Okay, Mister, you can... ow!

Ooh-ho-ho-ho!

What are you do...? Ow, ow!

Ow, Noggin, don't!

- Finally! The Krusty Krab.

- Of course, I was saving my last wish

for good ol' Mister Krabs.

- Ooh, izzy wizzy, let's get busy.

- And so this would be the third and last wish I have,

and it's all for you.

- Alakazam!

- Child, can't you see I'm working here?

Take your toy and go play in the kitchen.

- But it's a real genie, and I... I saved the last wish for you.

- Okay, stop your blubbering.

I'll play along.

I wish I had, um, $ , .

- Your wish is my command!

You greedy crook.

I'd like to withdraw all my money, please.

Well, blow me down.

It is a real genie!

If I possess that bottle, I'll get three more wishes!

- It's mine now!

With three wishes, I could rule the music world!

What happened to you?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

I just want a new Noggin.

Oof! - Got it!

Nyah, nyah, the genie's mine now!

- Hey, look, a penny!

- What? Money?

Where?

- Ooh.

Now hand me the bottle!

- No, Mister Krabs.

Oh, don't you all see?

We shouldn't be fighting.

Today we found out that magic is real.

And that magic is magical and that magic makes you

feel all sparkly and carbonated inside.

- So how do we decide who gets the genie?

- That's easy. We're gonna play

a little game called Spin The Bottle!

- So the rules are whichever one the bottle points to...

- Has to kiss!

- No, Patrick, they win the bottle.

- And spin!

- Ooh, ooh...

- Stop on me, stop on me...

- It's mine, it's mine!

- It's coming back!

It's coming to me!

Yes, it's mine!

Whoo-hoo!

All right, abracadabra! Hocus pocus!

Open sesame!

Al...Alakazoom!

Your swish is my com...my com...

- All right, Alakazam, first thing I want

is for everything in the Krusty Krab

to turn into gold... even all the negative space.

- I can't do it!

I can't keep up this charade anymore.

I'm too m*nled and mutilated.

- Oh, I should have known!

What was your lame-o plan this time?

I was gonna break that bottle so you would have to put me

in the bottle with the secret formula.

- So you were gonna break my bottle, eh?

That's the last time I go on vacation

and sublet my bottle to someone without references.

What did you do to it?

It's all chipped and scratched!

- Calm down, you're insured.

- Who's this clod with my bottle?

- Who's that bottle with my clod?

So you all like bottles, eh?

Oh, poor baby.

Next time I'll take you with me to visit Mama.

- Hey, you guys, I...huh?

Hmm, guess they worked it out.

It's so heartwarming to live in a world with real magic.

And the greatest magic of all is the way my friends

are so close to each other.

- Yuck, this bottle of ketchup's gone bad.

- I got some fresh ingredients for our new Krabby Soup.

A half-eaten Krabby Patty...

Two moldy pickles...

And some smashed potatoes that look like Squidward.

- Mister Krabs, did you get those ingredients

from the trash?

Of course not!

That wouldn't be legal.

I intercepted these items on their way to the trash.

I want everybody in Bikini Bottom to buy my soup.

Yuppies, guppies, puppies...

- Hippies?

- Hippies?

- Yeah, there's a group of hippies living out back

by the hydrothermal vent.

- Hippies?

On my property?

All right, you longhairs, b*at it!

This here's private property!

- We're just keeping warm, dude.

- Yeah, baby.

We like to hang near hydrothermal vents.

- Oof!

- We're vent creatures.

We get cold real fast.

- Yeah, I don't care.

You're trespassing.

And littering paisleys!

Ha-ha, back, back you go...oof!

- Hey, freaky friends, it's warm in here.

And keep running, you deadbeats!

- This seems just as good as a heat vent.

- Let's crash this pad.

- That should discourage those bohemians.

- Hey, hold on there, lad.

You might be overdoing the ingredients.

Huh, it's just broth.

- Huh, that's funny.

It was loaded with stuff a few minutes ago.

- Hmm, well, go ahead and add some more.

We got customers waiting.

- Aye, aye, Mister Krabs.

- Hmm, guess I bought the disappearing

kind of potatoes.

Oh, hungry soup, eh?

Let's see if you like onions.

Today's special is onion soup a la Spongebob.

All right, listen, soup.

You want me to get tough?

All right, I'll get tough!

I made you from scratch, and I can unscratch you!

Whoa, whoa!

- When you're done fighting with the food,

we have an order for three soups.

Make soup, not w*r.

- Well, I never.

- Ah...Achoo!

- Mwah!

- You obviously love your soup more than you love me!

- Take this soup back!

- I'm returning my husband's soup too!

- What's the problem?

- There are hippies in the soup!

- Hah, hippies in the soup.

That's a new one.

- Avast there, ye invertebrate!

You're throwing away me money.

- Anyone else down there?

- Hmm, Mister Krabs, I think the soup might be haunted.

- Son, did you forget to pay your brain bill again?

- Wh...What?

hippies: Hey, hey, Mr. K, how much money

did you make today?

- Oh, you hippies!

All right, you deadbeats!

This is an eviction.

You are to leave this soup immediately.

Whoa!

hippies: Heck no, we won't go!

Heck no, we won't go! Heck no, we won't go!

- Spongebob!

Heck no, we won't go!

- Sorry, Mister Krabs, it's just so catchy.

Why don't you just

dump the soup out?

- And lose all the money I've already put into it?

Heck no! They gotta go!

- Whatcha using for bait?

- Something hippies love... long hair.

Shh!

I got one! - Ooh!

Hippies can't resist playing with this little

crochet foot bag.

- Neither can I!

- Resist the temptation, dude.

- Aww, but we can't let that little bag

hit the ground, man!

- Hah!

- Cool, man, you saved the sack from gravity, like, forever.

- Beautiful, man.

- Mister Krabs, why are we in a drum circle?

- It's something that all hippies

are required to participate in.

Dig that b*at.

- Oh, that is a wild drum circle, dudes.

My hands are starting to hurt.

- Couldn't we have gotten softer drums?

I'm out.

Oof.

- Me too.

- Get up, you tender palms! It's working!

Oh, my claws!

My claws.

I wish we had another drummer.

- I've got a drummer, Mister Krabs.

- Oh, man!

Drum machines ain't cool.

- It's your job to go into that soup

and remove those hippies.

Hello, I'm Spongebob.

- Dude, it's a square.

- No, man, it's that crazy cook that's been feeding us.

- Have some carrot love beads, Spongebob.

Mm, thank you!

Oh, Mister Krabs sent me here to tell you guys

you have to leave.

- Old Man Krabs needs to mellow out.

- Yeah, he should try meditation.

- Ooh, like this?

- Hey, you're far out.

- It's cool. Up is down.

Down is up. It's all relative.

Relative.

- Oh, wow, Spongebob, you just blew our minds.

- Son, how's the eviction going?

- Oh, wow, you're beautiful.

You went too deep!

You've gone full flower child.

Oh, no!

- What's happening, man?

- Patrick, what are you doing here?

- Just tubing down the river of life, baby.

- Does Mister Krabs know you're in here?

- No Krabs.

Can't stand those things.

- Oh, oh, suddenly everything's becoming very confusing.

I...I...I know.

I'll have a Krabby Patty.

That always calms me down.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Whoa, how long was I in that soup?

Mister Krabs, is that you?

Spongebob, I thought you split the scene, hipster.

- What happened here?

- Well, I had to close down the Krusty Krab

since you weren't around to make the Krabby Patties.

- Close down the Krusty Krab?

- Yeah, I was just being a capitalist tool.

But it's all groovy now.

I'm a far out hippie,

and I'm flying my freak flag high.

Making Krabby Patties was my number one

favorite thing ever to do in the whole world.

- Bummer, right?

Let's dance our cares away, man.

- Do you think that maybe we could reopen the Krusty Krab

and go back to how things were?

- I thought you'd never ask! - Yeah!

But Mister Krabs, what about our new hippie friends?

- They say they need to be somewhere warm, right?

I have an idea.

- You know what?

That Old Man Krabs wasn't such a bad dude after all.

Whoa.

- Someone just crashed our new pad.

- Yo, bro, potato?

- Oh, thanks, man.

Hippies!