11x12 - Drive Happy/Old Man Patrick

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

I'm a stunt driver, and I'm making donuts!

Out of the way!

Look out!

Where'd you learn to drive, buddy?

Oh, Mrs. Puff's Boating School?

Me too!

Ahh, the bridge is out!

- That's a sweet little boat.

You're a smart shopper.

- Oh, I'm not shopping. I'm playing.

- Playing, huh?

Well, we have some very playful items here for a...a...

- ...sophisticated motorist like yourself.

- Whoa!

- The Nerdmobile.

It comes with pocket protectors,

corrective lens windshield and seat wedgies.

- Ah-ow! Wow. - No, this isn't right.

I got something more your style.

- Whee!

- The Wimp Wagon.

It includes unlimited tissues for crying,

a security blanket,

and a bumper bonnet for your delicate fontanel.

- Oh, these are very nice,

but I don't have a driver's license.

- No license, huh?

Well, you don't need a license

to drive a self-driving boat.

- Self-driving?

- Meet Coupe. It's very classy.

Chrome-plated exterior, titanium hubcaps,

turbine engine,

and personal driver narration.

- Ooh. Whaaa!

Sold!

- Oh, thanks.

My very own boat.

But there's no key!

And no steering wheel!

Where is that...I gotta...

How do you...

- Settle down, Mr. Squarepants.

- Wow, you talk. How'd you know my name?

- I can feel your square pants on my seat.

Where to, Mr. Squarepants?

- Oh, why don't we just go for a drive?

- You've got it.

Whoa, careful!

And stay in your lane! Stop sign! Stop sign!

Truck, truck, truck, truck.

- Relax, Mr. Squarepants.

I'm an expert driver.

Make yourself at home and leave everything to me.

- Hi, Squidward.

- Oh, I need to erase this from my mind.

Duh! What's a Spongebob?

- Oh, hi, Mrs. Puff.

What do you think of my classy new boat?

- Hello, Spongebob.

Spongebob, ah!

You're not driving.

- I know. Isn't it great?

- Oh, that was the best day of non-driving ever.

Coupe, is there anything I can get you?

Warm glass of oil? Triple-foam conditioner?

- I'm fine. Good night, Mr. Squarepants.

- Good night, Coupe.

What's wrong, Coupe?

- I'm getting wet.

- Whoa!

Here, take this!

What's up? - I'm cold.

- Aww.

There you go, my widdle self-driver.

Nice and snuggy-wuggy.

- I don't like it out here. I want to be inside.

- Inside?

All right, Coupe. Come on in.

- Hey, you know what'd be fun?

If I sat in you and we pretended

we were in a drive-in movie.

- No, it wouldn't.

- Okay, so I guess you're just gonna click through

the channels looking for a boat commercial all night, huh?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought I was a guest here.

- Of course you are.

Well, I'm tired. You can stay up.

I'm going to bed.

Oh, Coupe?

Good-night. I had a wonderful day.

- Gary, what is what?

- Sorry, Mr. Squarepants, I'm so...

- I know, Coupe.

You're tired. We're all tired.

- Mr. Squarepants, I can drive you to work.

Why are you walking?

- Oh, yeah, well, I didn't want to wake you.

You were sleeping like a baby.

Heh. Baby buggy! Baby buggy...

- Hey Spongebob, how about a ride?

- Well, sure, Patrick. Hop in.

- Yay!

Oh, oh boy!

Buttons!

- Patrick, could you not...

I don't think he... Don't get your...

- Butt on buttons!

- Uh, Patrick, I don't think Coupe likes that.

- Passenger, settle down.

- Hey, ice cream. Where's the cone?

- Oh, don't worry. It's down there somewhere.

- Ugh, Eww. All right, that's enough!

- Thanks for the ride!

- Here we are.

- Here we are, where?

- Where I work, the Krusty Krab.

- What? I can't be seen here.

I'm a classy car.

This place is tacky.

Coupe, open the door! I'll be late.

Yow! But I have to go to work!

- You obviously have no taste,

so today we're going to do what I want to do.

- But I have to go to work.

I have to go to work.

But I have to go to work!

I have to go... - Go to work?

- No, go to the bathroom.

- You can hold it.

- Or I could just go.

- Ugh. Make it snappy.

Very funny, Coupe. Very funny.

- What's in the bag? - Oh, nothing.

Hey, wait!

- What are you doing, Squarepants?

- I'm going to work.

- Ooh.

- Did that hurt? - Of course not.

I'm a boat. I don't feel physical pain.

- Good to know, because I'm a stunt driver,

and I'm making donuts.

- Oh, no you don't.

Give me that!

- Yahh! - Ohh!

Now this is where I should be living.

Penthouse parking lot, please.

Thank you.

- Hi, how you doing today? Good?

Well played, Coupe. - Indeed.

- And now we can get to the Krusty Krab the fast way!

- What? No! No! Noooo!

No, you don't.

- No, no, we're not going into the tacky Krusty Krab.

- You're right, we're going through the drive-thru!

Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream please.

Squidward, you see me struggling with this boat,

and you act like you don't care.

- It's not an act.

- I hate do you this to you,

Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream,

but I have no choice.

- Oh, no, stop! I don't like that.

Hey, Spongebob!

- Oh, not this idiot again.

- Ah, I thought I smelled ice cream.

- My self-driving days are over.

- What do you plan on doing with me, Squarepants?

- Eh, I have an idea.

- These self-driving boats are real classy.

It stopped again.

- Don't worry, Patrick.

Here's a whole bag of quarters

so you can ride forever.

- Please, somebody, strip me, sell me for parts.

Just put me out of my misery.

- It's too high. I can't!

- Cannonball! Ohh!

- Now you've got water wings. Try them.

- Marco!

- Eeh. - Marco?

- No, I'm Joshua. - Okay, bye.

Marco.

- Polo.

Marco!

Shady Shoals residents, out of the pool.

- I pooped. - Come along, Mortimer.

I'm covered in wrinkles.

- Oh, we all are, dear.

I call them oldie foldies.

Hurry, Mortimer.

Shady Shoals is serving prune ice cream today.

- Dah! Ice cream, oh, oh!

Wait for me!

- Marco!

Marco!

- Marco? - Yeah, I'm-a Marco!

What do you want? - Oh, I don't want you.

I want Patrick.

- Then stop a-yellin' my name!

Marco.

- Attention, everyone.

We found a lost elderly gentleman

who goes by the name of Mortimer.

Can anyone claim him?

- Come on, let's move it!

I want prune ice cream.

Ohh.

- Mortimer, ice cream time.

Brain freeze!

- Clear!

Clear!

Brain food.

- Got you!

- Marco!

- Marco!

- You!

What I tell youse about-a yellin' my name?

I-I don't remember.

Um, sometimes it helps me to remember

if I go into a trance.

I'm seeing a small farmhouse painted white.

Does that have any significance to you?

- My parents had a white farmhouse.

- What's this? A baby has been born.

A boy. There is much happiness.

- That's-a me. I was-a born there.

- They are about to name the boy...

- Marco. They named him Marco.

It's Marco. Marco!

- Polo.

- Ahh! If I catch anyone a-yellin' my name again,

I'm-a gonna hurt them.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Marco. - Polo.

- Ah-ha-ha! Found you!

Now it's your turn to call Marco.

- Do I know you, young man?

- Patrick, it's me. Remember?

- I don't know. A wizard?

- Spongebob Squarepants!

The one and only.

Okay, now it's your turn to call Marco Polo.

- Whoa-oh, I can't do that.

I'm all wrinkled now.

I do old stuff.

- Old stuff? Like what?

- Check it out.

This is called doddering.

Oh, here's another thing I do now.

It's called gumming.

Neat, huh?

Now this part's really fun.

It's called complaining.

These kids today, they don't know diddly squat.

- Wow, Patrick, those are all great things,

but wouldn't you rather go jelly fishing?

No, that hurts.

- We could be sand castles.

- It's not structurally sound.

- Well, how 'bout blowing bubbles?

Nothing bad about a bubble.

- Ooh.

Are you trying to k*ll me, son?

- No, I just think we should act our age.

Remember when we used to look forward

to rainy days and building cushion forts?

- These days, I only look forward

to my final exit.

- Oh, he was too young.

- No, I wasn't!

No, he wasn't. We are not young.

- Come on, people.

Just 'cause you're old doesn't mean you're rotting fish.

You're still vital, full of life.

Fresh.

- Fresh, you say?

Okay, you young-at-hearters,

today you are gonna climb that tree.

Yes, yes, that's right!

Put those flabby arms to use.

Laugh at your lumbago. Cackle at your cataracts.

- Is it nap time yet?

- Nope! It's time for the dance party!

Everybody on board.

Are you ready to get down?

- Yeah.

- No, not like that. Like this!

- Now...now...now... Now you're talking.

- Now let's kick it up a hundred notches.

Yeah!

Oh, what's happening?

- Oh, clear!

- Isn't it great to get outdoors

with the fresh air and sunshine?

- Stop this rug!

Bunny Buns. Bunny Buns.

Bunny Buns! Bunny Buns!

- Bunny Buns? That's a good idea.

Nothing makes people feel young

like arcade games, grease and sugar.

- This is fun!

- You're coming in too fast on the bridge

and you're blowing clams.

- Now that's what I call jazz.

- Ha ha. So sorry.

Let me just take this.

- I can help you with that.

Eww. - Hey!

- Old people, behave! - Whoa!

skidoo!

- Spongebob!

I'm drowning.

- I'm coming, Patrick!

- Thanks, old-timer. - Oh, you're welcome.

What, who you calling old-timer?

Whoa.

Where have the years gone?

- I'm losing steam.

- Wait, hey, man.

Don't make a scene in front of all my old friends.

Now I can't dodder.

Here you go, friend.

- Got you!

- You got me again.

- Marco. - Polo.

- Marco! - Oh, that's it!

I said I was-a gonna clobber the next-a person

what-a calls my name!

- No one clobbers Clarabelle!

- Oh, Marco?

- Polo.