02x17 - Green Time Rush

[bunniefuu]

Great news boys A news is never great when he says that.

Big Time Rush is going to be a Big Time reality show starting now.

♪ *** doing right now? Oh, he's going.

make it count, play it straight ♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪ where you go big time ♪ what you know, what you feel ♪ never quitin', make it real ♪ when you're going big time ♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪ - oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ - hey, hey ♪ go and shake it up ♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪ go and make your luck ♪ with the life you choose ♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it ♪ big time ♪ I'm not crazy about doing a reality show right now because technically I'm in my underwear.

He's got a point.

- Could we get some clothes on? - I'm fine.

I could take my shirt off if you want.

Please don't.

As for the rest of us, we need a little bit of clothes.

Which is why you're a reality show, exposure.

Because more exposure for Big Time Rush equals more record sales which equals more ham for daddy.

Ham for daddy is important.

Now, say hello to the hottest reality show producer in Hollywood.

Snake Timmons.

Boy, this is going to be my greatest reality show yet, juicier than Angry Tiger Island, more emotional than the Banana Whisperer.

And more thrilling than Rich Star Cops.

[Hooting and cheering] Rickshaw Cops.

That was an awesome show.

And let's not forget, reality stars are some of the biggest stars in the world.

And you have no choice since I have a contract that states I can make you star in a reality show.

- I'm in.

- Let's do it.

- Do it.

- Now, we start airing in one month on MTV 12, so relax, go about your lives and you won't even know we're here.

We're rolling! Whoa.

Hey, did you know Griffin gave the boys their own reality TV show? Really? That's great.

B.

T.

R.

will get a ton of exposure, as long as they don't look stupid on camera.

Hello.

Welcome to ***.

Hi.

[Nervous laughter] I like singing.

I like pie.

That's about it.

James, any secrets about B.

T.

R.

that we should know about juicy stuff, things that make you go hmmm? Nope.

- James - Over there.

Don't do that.

We're not here.

Hey, James, I found this $20 in our room.

- Did you lose it? - I did.

Thanks, pal.

You want to play some video games? I'll grab some pie.

Cut! Boy, hugging and video games are fun, but terrible reality TV.

I need tension, drama.

So how about Carlos, you don't give James back the money but spend it, and later James, you find out and punch him.

Roll it! Why would I spend money that isn't mine? - That's not cool.

- That's so not cool.

You're not going to use that? Yes.

Cut! I can't use her because she refused to sign her contract.

Yeah, because I didn't want a bunch of cameramen following me around everywhere.

*** Who wants a healthy snack.

*** This show is bad.

*** Do you have any trees? Nope.

Go fish.

*** Cut! What is this, an old married couple? Logan, this show needs passion, betrayal and passion again.

Well, that would be kind of awkward because we kind of already dated.

Yeah but now we don't.

And if you want this show to be as huge as Griffin does, you do again.

Camille, I got you these chocolates.

Oh, Logan, I love it, but we can't be together.

It's wrong.

But it's so right.

Okay.

Wait, so this is how reality TV really works? Yep.

Now you two go.

Remember, we're not even here.

[Dramatic music playing] Cut! What do you mean the real Big Time Rush is disaster? Carlos and James like each other.

Kendall doesn't like being embarrassed.

Logan's relationship is about as interesting as wet cardboard, and this.

Cut! Cut.

I told you.

I need this reality show to be huge.

So what do you need from me? permission to manipulate and a shocking ending.

Done.

The show airs in one month, and I need it to make a big splash.

No camera crew.

That could have been very embarrassing.

No way! So my pants fell down over by the pool, and I think the camera sort of saw my butt.

I know.

It's called shock value.

Very good for reality TV.

No, you can't use that, so I need do you erase it now.

[All laughing] I'm living next door to these guys, and it's crazy, yo.

They're singing all the time, and James and Carlos are always fighting.

I'm like chill.

It's bad.

- Who's that? - He's your neighbor.

His name is T.

J.

You've known him for years.

Nope, I've never seen that guy in my life.

Yeah, James can be cool.

He also lies a lot.

Hey, that is not true.

Reality TV and reality TV stars are not about truth.

They're about ratings.

And I need my stars to give me tension and drama.

And it's T.

J.

here that's going to give it to me because you two can't.

Oh, you want tension and drama, huh, I can do that.

James! *** It's on.

Boys, boys, no fighting.

How about a healthy snack instead? Okay *** This show is getting good now.

Wait, wait.

And it just got better.

It's not in there.

Those are just the power cords, powering over 100 cameras that watch your every move.

Look, I just want my butt back.

I don't need my friends in Minnesota seeing it because it's my butt.

He's getting mad.

Roll.

Look, I'm not getting mad, just erase the Would you turn the cameras off? Never.

Hey, big brother.

Cut! - Everyone back up, back up.

- Okay.

I'm not afraid the use this.

- Take it easy.

- You, on the floor.

- Get down - Get out of here.

Okay.

More information, please.

I was in the pool.

I got out of the pool.

My pants fell down, and the cameras got a sh*t of that.

Would it be inappropriate if I laughed really loud right now? And super producer won't eration the tapes and now I got cameras following me around everywhere.

Which is why I said no to being on the show.

I had no choice.

This is the part where you offer to help me because you love me.

Okay.

I read over the contract, and Griff Season the executive producer of the show, which means if you want your butt back, you're going to have to get inform him, and I love you.

Unbelievable.

Hey, buddy.

- What was that? - Great reality TV.

Very good.

Stay with us.

Stay with mom.

I'm loving this.

You two, kiss now.

Stay with them.

Stop.

Mum stop.

Don't you guys see what this reality show is doing to us? And I guarantee you, Griffin's not going to like it.

I don't like it.

I love it! Reality TV at its finest.

Very good for business.

But this show is going to be terrible for business if it tears Big Time Rush apart.

James and Carlos can't stop fighting.

Logan and Camille have to pretend they're in love.

- Guy, the cameras are off.

- Oh, thank goodness.

They're on again.

I'm not saying another word on this show until I get my butt back.

Fellas, calm down.

You haven't heard about the real Big Time Rush's shocking ending.

All: Shocking ending? Get ready because in the season finale, the viewers get to vote on which band member gets kicked out of Big Time Rush and pick their hot replacement.

All: What? This is the true story of four best buds who came to Hollywood as hockey players and became Big Time Rush.

One band, one dream and in the end you the viewers get to decide which band member will get kicked out of Big Time Rush forever and pick his Big-Time replacement.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

You're going to kick one of us out of Big Time Rush? As executive producer of this show and CEO of ***, show, I can do just about anything I want, except digest cheese and stop my wife from remodeling.

Griffin, this is invasion of privacy.

No, it's reality TV.

You know what, Gustavo will not stand for this.

Really? Let's just check in and see what he has to say.

Yeah.

Hi.

[Nervous laughter] Frankly, I don't see the problem.

You came to Hollywood to be stars.

And you're going to be huge.

Well, we're not going to be manipulated like this.

And you can't kick one of us out because Big Time Rush always sticks together.

How about at the end of the season I give the Big Time members not voted out a victory bonus of $1 million.

Money? This isn't about money.

I'm going to win that money and will not be the one voted off Big Time Rush.

If you ask me, Carlos will be the one voted off.

I think he shaves his legs.

Okay, first of all, I don't shave my legs.

James does.

And that's why he's going to get voted off for having girl legs.

I've known these guys for a long time, and I think Logan will get voted off because deep down inside he's a nerd-a-blurd.

That's not a word, and I won't get voted off because my on-again-off-again romance with Camille.

In fact, I'm thinking acted breaking up with her today.

But maybe I won't.

Personally, I think James or Carlos will get voted off.

You're not getting your butt footage back.

You're going to get voted out of the band.

You really should talk.

Katie.

Why are you still sh**ting? Oh, I found a *** I can use you all I want as long as I pixilate your face and disguise your voice? [In a man's voice]: Wow, really? I didn't see that coming.

Get the fight.

Where are we going? Somewhere where there aren't any cameras.

Okay.

What's the plan 'cause I am stumped.

We're going to get the band back.

We're going to get my butt back.

We're going to get our lives back and then we're going to get a smoothie.

Back-up plan.

You start talking to the cameras, Logan gets voted off and you pocket a cool mil.

Katie! Just saying.

Camille, we're over.

No amount of crying loudly or dramatically is going to change that.

[Hysterical sobbing] How could I have been such a fool? Not that real.

Come on.

Sorry.

Guess what, we're back together.

Stop.

I can't.

We are over.

Again.

sh**t them.

*** It's perfect.

Cut, cut! Hey, nice tackle.

Did you get hurt? Didn't feel a thing.

We're so not getting voted off Big Time Rush.

Why are my cameras not working? Technical difficulties.

Get the power back on now! Hey, guy, emergency band meeting.

Where are they going? Ow, ow, ow, I have sensitive ears, you know that.

Fix it.

Hurry up, fix it.

Why in the ducts? Because there's no cameras in the ducts.

Don't you see what this reality show is doing to us? If we don't band together now, one of us going home to Minnesota.

Is that what we want? No.

- I want $1 million - And massive exposure.

We can get there as a band, not a freak show.

Does Green Day have a reality show, Lady Gaga? No.

Neither does Big Time Rush.

*** I'd rather eat pie and play video games with Carlos than maim him.

Okay, but how do we get things back to the way they were? We make a new reality show for Griffin.

Let's do this, yo! T.

J.

, we don't know you.

I need those boy find them.

Every last one of them.

Now.

Okay.

Now.

I hate you, James.

Get this.

I am loving this.

Here we go.

Over here.

That's it.

Stay with him.

I couldn't get enough of you.

I know.

I must kiss you for a long time.

Wow.

That is a long kiss.

Boom.

Wait.

I must kiss you longer.

Still kissing.

How we doing on sound? Wait, stop.

Stay here on camera.

I'll be back.

I want a cool spy hat.

Okay.

Hi.

[Nervous giggling] And cut.

I hate being a reality show.

So do we.

This is in our contract.

We have to do this or Griffin could vote us all off the island.

You wouldn't happen to know a way into Griffin's office, would you? Are you kidding me? That thing is locked tighter than a bank vault.

I have a key.

He left his keys once and I made a copy.

Was that wrong? No.

It's perfect.

We have a special meeting with our C.

E.

O.

Griffin, who is the guy who came up with the idea for this reality show.

We're really excited for it.

So what's this emergency super special meeting all about.

We wanted to show you TV's next reality superstar.

You're going to love it.

I know we do.

Katie, will you do the honors? The real Griffin, the reality show starring super C.

E.

O.

Arthur Griffin 24/7.

A reality show about me Starting now.

You're fired.

No, no, just kidding.

Really? No, you're fired.

Can I join you? Can you believe I've never used one of these before.

if you want it all you got to lay it on the line ♪ it's the only one you got ♪ so you got to live it big time ♪ I love you, mommy.

Now I am one with you.

That's my butt.

This show is really good.

Quiet.

Still think reality shows aren't an invasion of privacy? It doesn't matter because this will never air on TV.

Oh, we know, but with one press of that button This video goes out on the Internet for all the world to see.

But we'll erase it if you erase my butt, forget about the reality show and let us focus on our music.

Okay.

Fine.

No reality show.

Just erase this video and I'll erase Kendall's butt and the whole real Big Time Rush show will go bye-bye.

What? What about me? You, you're fired.

[Cheering] Mom, we are happy to say that the Big Time Rush reality show is no more.

Oh, thank goodness.

I hated that dress.

Video game time! Thank goodness we're done with all this slapping and kissing.

Yeah, it was really just the slapping that bothered me.

And thank you for saving my butt.

Literally.

I'm like a ninja, boom.

Finally we get to hang out just like old times.

- T.

J.

? - Yeah.

- We don't have a reality show anymore.

- And we don't know you.

Yeah, they got me an apartment and I have no friends, so Grab a controller.

Come on, buddy.

[Evil laughter] Okay.

Let's go do some songwriting.

Good idea.