08x05 - Man with Two Hearts

[bunniefuu]

(Leaves rustle)

(Crow caws)

Peter:
whatever, buddy.

Riley:
easy all-star.

Armstrong:
great pace, guys.
Two kilometres to go.

Riley:
give it up.
You can't b*at me!

Peter:
oh yeah? Watch me.

(Laughs)

(Laughs)

(Grunts)

Oh!

(Pained grunt)

(Coughs)

(Pained groan)

Are you all right,
man?

Finish your run, man,
I'm fine.

Yeah,
you look fine.

Here, let me help.

It's like a mile away
to school.

Students:
(hum of chatter)

If you had guts,

You'd try out
for cross country.

Ehn. I'm not into
the whole sports thing.

Too full of guys
like you.

Ha. Well,
if you change your mind,

The first team meeting
starts in ten.

Mia:
hey, riley.

Picking on peter?

I'm helping him.

All-star here
got into a scuffle

With a tree root.

The root won.

You okay?

I, uh, thought you could
walk me home.

My fitting's not for an hour.

Uh, actually, I was gonna go
to the cross country meeting.

Oh. All right.

I'm... Sure I can get there
on my own.

Turning down a hot model
like that?

That's cold.

I just got my heart
stomped on, dude.

I'm not sure I'm ready
to get back in the game.

Yeah, I hear you.

What,
you got girl troubles?

Always.

♪♪♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ If I hold out ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Oh! Oh! Oh! ♪

♪ Be the best ♪

♪ The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it through ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

And, now, for some electrifying
vegetable experiments.

Now you may remember

Their shock value
from grade school,

But for our next unit,

We're gonna explore
the science behind them.

Partner up.

Danny, partners?

And let you ditch
the assignment

For your new girlfriend?

Dude,
she's not my girlfriend.

Anyway, she has a sh**t
this week.

I got nothing but free time.

Too late anyway, dude,

My wide receiver
already gave me the nod.

Peter:
derek.

Project at the party pad?

Uh, partners with bruce.

Bash brothers!

Riley:
well, it looks like we're stuck
with each other.

You as bad a scientist
as you are a runner?

Science?

It's like a whole forest
of tree roots

Waiting to trip me up.

Oh, great.
Two idiots together.

We're totally gonna fail.

Bince:
here's your pickle,
gentlemen.

You'll present on wednesday.

Both:
(laugh)

All right, guys,

The deadline to enter
your robot

Into bot wars
is this friday.

(Excited) ooh!
Fingers crossed!

All right.
This is the moment of truth.

Alli:
so, kc, this article says

You can tell everything
about a guy

From his underwear.

Boxers or briefs?

(Sparks crackle)

(Stifled chuckle)

Alli's one track mind
strikes again.

Alli:
it's not my fault

The mere mention
of undergarments

Makes clare quake.

You're talking about underwear
in media immersion

And I'm the one
with the problem?

Our robot won't be ready
by friday,

Unless... We work every night
this week.

My house?
After school?

(Bored sigh)

Or we could work
at connor's?

No.

Why not?

We always work at clare's.

Which is why we should
switch it up.

But we always work
at clare's.

Got you the first time,
connor.

Now, why don't you go ask
your godfather, mr. Simpson,

Whether we can visit
your casa tonight?

Aren't you guys
the least bit curious

What a teacher's house
is like?

(Bell rings)

Don't be mad, clare.
I was kidding.

You're not a prude.

At least
not a total prude.

Is all forgiven?

Isn't it always?

Announcement:
attention, students.

Would all trumpet players
please report to the band...

Peter:
bah!

Mia:
I told you not to do that.

I'm just trying to put
some colour in your cheeks

For the big sh**t.

Well,
it's been postponed.

So do wanna go to a movie
or something?

Yeah. Sure.

Oh... Oh, I forgot.

I have to do a project
with riley.

Should I be jealous?

(Sarcastic)
ha. Yeah. Right.

Why don't you
just hang out with us?

Meet us at the break room
after practice.

And then you can walk me home
afterwards?

Definitely.

'Kay.

Clare:
press left, connor.

Connor:
I am pressing left.

Last time I pressed left,
it went left.

Why isn't it working?

The motor must be
in backwards.

We're gonna have
to break it open

And start from scratch.

Then I need
brain food.

Why don't you show me where
you keep the peanut butter?

Hey connor,
where's your restroom?

Upstairs.
Second door on your right.

I have to go
to the bathroom, too.

It's the second door
on the right.

What're you doing?
You can't go in there!

It's our teacher's bedroom.
Aren't you curious?

(Huffs)

Looks like every other bedroom
I've ever seen.

Now, close the door.

Oops! I dropped my pen.

There it is.

Hurry
or we'll get caught.

I don't have one of these
in my bedroom.

A vibrator.

(Thud of ascending footsteps)

Uh, we were...

Looking for the bathroom.

(Half laughs)
I was fourteen once.

So? Did you find any
of mr. Simpson's deep,

Dark secrets?

Come on, why don't you girls
come downstairs

And I'll give you something
to eat.

(Pool balls clack)

Riley:
oh! Prepare to lose again.

Heh.

Remind me, what this have to do
with your science project?

Peter:
we're playing to see who
has to give the presentation.

Mia:
you've been playing
for an hour.

Riley:
well, it's a best
of seven series

And we're tied at three.

Go. Your turn,
all-star.

Shouldn't you actually
do the project,

So we can leave.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah.

Mia:
not to be a cliche
or anything,

But I actually need
my beauty rest.

Yeah, yeah,
we'll get to it in a sec.

I just gotta show riley
who's boss.

Okay, so, eight ball,
corner pocket.

(Whack of cue,
pool balls clack)

(Smug chuckle)

All right,
science time?

Ah, come on,
best of nine?

You never learn.

(Chuckles)

(Low hum of chatter)

Peter:
why is a giraffe's neck
so long?

'Cause it's head's
so far away from it's feet.

Boys:
(chuckling)

That's not funny, man.

It's not funny.
Stop it.

Hey, do you wanna
have lunch together?

Uh, I was gonna eat
with the guys.

Riley's pretty funny.
You can come with us.

And be the third wheel
again?

I thought maybe we could
have lunch--

Just us.
Together.

Or if you wanna spend
more time with riley,

Don't let me stop you.

No, it's just...

We're not official,
right?

Like, we can eat lunch
with other people.

Sure.
Whatever you want.

Mia...

I don't have
many guy friends.

I get it.

It's more fun to hang out
with the boys.

Just call me
when playtime's over,

All right?

Take this thing.
I don't want it.

What if you were with a guy
and he wanted to get you one?

That won't happen

Because I'm not having sex
until I'm married

And I would never
marry someone

Who wanted to own
something like that.

What are you doing?

We have to find a way
to sneak that back.

I just want to see
how it works.

Pretend it's a robot.

(Clicks vibrator on,
soft humming)

I don't get it.
That's all it does?

How is that a sex toy?

You really don't know?

(Vibrator clatters
and rattles along floor)

(Vibrator whirs)

Jane:
uh, does this belong to you?

Alli and clare:
it's her's.

Do you have
one of these?

Clare:
alli!

Ignore her.

Uh... Not this model.

Hey, solo sex is normal.

Lots of people do it.
No need to feel guilty.

Have you ever...
You know?

Have I ever what?

(Inaudible whisper)

Ewww!
Why would someone do that?

(Machines and weights clank)

Riley:
whoa! Easy with the weight.

Don't wanna sprain anything.

Gotta get in shape
for cross country.

Wanted to see
if all sports guys

Are as obnoxious
as you.

Gives me more opportunities
to leave you in the dust.

Dude, I was one root
away from victory.

You must be serious.

I've never seen you in here
outside of gym class.

Mia was on my case.
Had to blow off some steam.

Thought I'd put that energy
into training.

See, like, I invited her out
last night, right?

But apparently it didn't count

Because we weren't alone
or whatever.

But it's all worth it

'Cause she's some
super-hot model.

Ah... I guess.

But relationships,
you know...

I'm not sure
I need the hassle.

Hey, you wanna spar?

You like boxing?

I have boxing
on my game console.

You wanna get outta here?

You mean skip class?

Unless you're scared.

Hey...
I was born to skip.

Peter:
(chuckles)

Took lessons as a kid.

My dad thought
it would toughen me up.

Any lessons
my dad took me to

Were to get me
out of the house.

He can't be too terrible,
this place is k*ller.

Yeah,
he pays for this place

Specifically to keep me
out of his house.

Oh, that's rough.

Ehn, it has its benefits,
I guess.

Oh-ho!
Oh! Five to none.

Maybe you should
stick to pool

Or track.

I can do this.

I don't know,
maybe with some training

From an expert.

Oh yeah?

Here, we'll start
with the basics.

Now you stand...

With your feet
shoulder-width apart.

'Kay.

All right.

Now move your left foot
forward.

Remember,
keep your hips square

Like your shoulders.

So, like... This?

Ooh-hoo.

Both:
(laugh)

(Forced exhale)

See,
that's why you're losing.

You gotta keep your hands
up near your face.

Closer.

They gotta almost
touch your cheek.

Peter:
whoa! Dude?!

(Awkward grunts)

(Stunned breath)

(Low hum of chatter)

Hey. I really wanted
to see you.

What happened
to your boyfriend?

I think I haven't shown you
how into you I am.

Whoa,
don't suck too hard,

She needs those lungs
to cheer.

Mia:
(stammers)
what are you...

(Half laughs)
what's gotten into you?

I just realized...

I'm kinda ready
to be official,

If you are.

You wanna hang out?

Like now?
Class starts in ten.

But we can hang out
for lunch.

Sounds good.

You're sure you're okay?

Can't a guy kiss
his new girlfriend?

(Half laughs)
okay.

(Relieved breaths)

The "i" denotes
an imaginary number.

Thank you, connor.

(Hum of vibrator whirring)

Miss edwards,
you know the school's policy

About cell phones,
right?

I don't have a cell phone, sir.

(Vibrator whirring)

Well,
then what's...

Class:
(laughs)

It's a robot
for our project.

When do you think
I was born?

Depends.
How old are you?

Class:
(laughing)

They pass through the bulb,
powering it,

And then into the zinc
on the other side,

To start the reaction
again.

Um, this repeats,
creating a current.

Thanks.
That was "eye" opening.

And now we see the potential
for alternative energy sources.

Maybe one day
a potato field

Could be a major source
of electricity.

Exciting stuff!

All right, mr. Stone.
Mr. Stavros.

You've got about a minute
'til the bell.

So get to the good stuff.

All right.

Uh, the pickle is infused
with sodium-chloride,

So when the electricity
arcs across the pickle,

It excites the sodium ions.

When the electrons fall back
into a stable orbital,

The sodium emits
a yellow light...

And...

The pickle glows.

Derek:
ha! Riley made peter's
pickle glow.

Class:
(laughing)

(Bell rings)

Bince:
tomorrow? More...

Peter:
dude...

Maybe we should talk.

I got nothing
to say to you.

Shep:
now, there's no school policy
to cover this one,

So the good news?

We can all put this incident
behind us.

My daughter gets her hands
on this filth

And we're supposed
to put it behind us?

I wanna know what students

Bring something like this
to school!

It's not yours?

(Awkward stammer)
of course it's...
Not mine!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

I um...

I bought it.
It's mine.

Sounds like you two
have a lot to talk about.

Let's go.

Mom, why won't you
look at me?

I don't wanna
discuss this now.

I'm sorry.

You're not having sex,
are you?

Of course not.

Then why would you
be interested

In a thing like that?

I barely know what it's for,

But everyone at school does.

I am tired of being
the odd one out.

Time for you
to go back to class.

(Hum of chatter)

Peter:
so you're good with being
more official now?

Mia:
sure. If you're not gonna
change your mind again.

I'm not.

And if your boyfriend
doesn't object...

Ugh!

What?

I'm sorry,
I was just kidding.

I know,
it's just...

Riley kinda kissed me.

Wait, football riley?
Like...

On the lips?

Yeah.

Have you talked
to him since?

No, and I keep wondering

What I did
to lead him on.

Maybe it's not about you,
maybe it's about riley.

What about him?

You liked being his friend,
right?

That shouldn't change
because he's gay.

Maybe he needs you
to be a friend.

Mm.

I guess.

So, if we're official,
I guess pda is okay?

(Chuckles)

(Knock on the door)

You're not a bad person,
clare.

I'm sorry
if I overreacted.

After what happened
to darcy,

(Sighs)
I worry about you girls.

But you're not protecting me
by not talking about it.

Guess I never expected you
to be interested in sex toys.

But I'm, I'm not.
I just...

Not in using them.

But I am curious
about other things.

Okay.

Then let's talk about them.

Hey, man,
it's cool.

The thing the other day,
it's cool.

I mean, I'm not into you
like that,

But, you know,

I like hanging out with you,
so...

If you're gay,
it's cool with me.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

At my place?
The kiss?

Nothing happened, man.
I'm straight.

Maybe you should talk
to someone.

My mom was saying...
I told you!

Nothing happened!

Got it?!
(Punches locker)

(Flabbergasted exhale)

Guess what?!

There's a posting about you
on the anti-grapevine.

How'd it go
with the parental unit?

My mom answered
most of my questions.

It was informative.

And awkward?

Unquestionably.

My mom would never talk to me
about that stuff.

Ever.

Have you really never,
you know...?

I think that's just for me
to know.

If there's nothing wrong
with doing it,

Then why can't we
talk about it?

I don't know.

Starting with sex toys early,
little edwards?

What would jesus say?

That masturbation is normal

And no one should be
embarrassed about it.

Really.

And, if you tried it once
in a while,

Maybe you wouldn't be
so mean.

Students:
(chuckling)

Announcement:
attention, students...

Bruce:
going for a little jog,
are you?

A prance through the woods?

Well,
yeah, I am.

Keeps me in shape
for football,

So I can make up
for all your fumbles.

Oh, snap.

(Chuckling)

So I decided
to tryout.

Any tips?

Yeah. Run fast.

All right.

Well, if you hear
any footsteps behind you,

Watch out.

Tryout if you want,

But don't go sneaking up
on me in the woods,

All right, f*g?

Hey,
you're the one who's...

Who'll be eating my dust
anyway,

So don't even
worry about it.

All right.
See you out there.