09x08 - b*at It: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

Johnny:
hey, sporto!

Heard about the cage-match
at the school fair yesterday.

Yeah.
Word is you rearranged

Some dude's face
real good. Sick.

Who's saying that?

Johnny:
everyone, man.

It's gone viral.

Fiona! Wait!

Look,
I know you're mad,

But I was thinking about
what you said before,

Like how me and you
going out

Would work
for the both of us.

Problem is, I don't even
pretend to date thugs.

You weren't there.

He wouldn't shut up
about all this gay stuff.

So it's better to be
known as a gay basher

Than a gay person,
is that it?

You know what?
Maybe it is.

(Sighs)

Fiona, come on.

Riley, we need to talk.
My office.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ If I hold out ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ Ooooh-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh ♪

♪ Be the best ♪

♪ The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it through ♪

♪ Whatever, whatever ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

Who's she?

Larissa's the head of
our lgbt club.

Yeah what's that,
a sandwich?

Lesbian, gay,
bi, transgendered.

Larissa brought it
to my attention

That you att*cked
a gay man.

(Scoffs)

And before we start
talking hate crimes,

I want to hear
your side of the story.

Ms. H, whatever she told you,
is there proof?

Is someone pressing
charges or something?

Go home for the day.

And come back tomorrow
with a thousand words

On non-violent
conflict resolution.

Larissa:
the lgbt club offers
sensitivity training

For h*m*.

Thanks.
I'll pass.

Leia:
look at us!

I wish we could dress like that
all the time.

Leia, anya and dawes:
(laugh)

Oh! And the borogard blog's
on fire

About my proposal
to unite the realms.

Well, your idea to marry
dreadamort's prince

Was a stroke
of genius.

I just hope dreadamort
accepts it.

Wow. Sexy costumes.

Close it! Close it!
(Clears throat)

Sav:
is that... From halloween or-?

Yeah!

It's larping.

(Amused) larping?

You mean like,
dressing up like wizards

And having styrofoam
swordfights?

Anya:
sure it sounds lame when
you say it like that.

Sav:
yeah but,

Isn't that just for,
like, huge sci-fi dorks?

It's not just for them.

It's something
I like to do

While you do
your stupid band stuff.

Whoa! Since when is my band
stuff stupid?

(School bell rings)

Ms. Dawes:
can we go to our own classes,
please?

(Indistinct chatter)

So where do we eat
today, clare bear?

In here?
Front steps?

Kc always saves me
a seat in the caf.

Jenna:
and he'll be sitting with dave.

Super.

I know!
Dave's so nice;

It's no wonder you two
hit it off at the club fair!

And now that we both
have boyfriends...

He's not my boyfriend,
clare.

I was nice to him,

And somehow he got
the wrong idea.

So you don't
like him?

It... It's just I like
to be regular friends

With a guy before we become
boyfriend/girlfriend.

Like kc.

Like you and kc
were friends,

Before you started
going out.

Of course.

Trish:
hey!

Did you know
we're still taking on

New power squadders?

Um...
You're asking us?

Lots of the players'
girlfriends are on the squad.

Dave's told us
all about you two!

Oh.
We'll think about it.

(Sighs)
so, what are you
going to tell dave?

I was thinking about
trying out for the squad.

Hey!
(Riley's gear thuds
on the pool deck)

Sorry I'm late!

Thanks for not ratting me
out about, you know...

I didn't think
it was necessary

To get the school
involved.

Cool.
I'm sorry.

So let's do this exam,
right?

Riley.

I had you removed
from the course.

With your temper-

I don't think
you have what it takes

To become a lifeguard.

But sam,
this is my summer job!

Maybe next summer.

(Police siren wails)

(Sighs)

(Takes a few deep breaths)

(Seething)

(Paper ripping)

(Trophies clatter on the floor)

(Panting)

Ms. Kwan:
your best chapter of fantasy
fiction

By friday, everyone.

Leia:
why write fantasy,
when you can live it,

Right princess carella?

Anya:
maybe sav's right.

Pretending to be a princess
is ridiculous.

Anya,
borogard needs you.

And sav hasn't talked
to me all day.

I'll just him
a text-pology.

For what?

Uh- hold on,
I got a message.

They accept the marriage!

Long live carella,
empress of dreadamort!

Oh-ho!
I'm getting married!

Bridesmaid, called it!

Uh, what about sav?

Are, are you going
to tell him?

If he loves me,
he'll understand.

Guys:
(grunting with effort)

Peter:
aw, don't get confused.
This isn't foreplay.

Riley:
if I have to tell you one more
time to shut up about that-

Peter:
(pained) oh, mount riley might
erupt again?

Riley:
what's that supposed to mean?

Peter:
you're getting a pretty vicious
rep, man.

But whatever, I won't joke
about it any more.

There's a cure.
I found it online.

A cure? For what?

Riley:
(straining grunt)

Ugh!

For confusion.

Confusion?

I didn't think you were
confused any more.

It's hard to keep up.

I just need to get rid
of some stupid thoughts.

(Whistle blows)

Two seconds.
That's a fall.

Match, riley.

Go ahead, you two.

(Groans)

Too easy.
I need a new partner.

How about larissa?
I think she likes you.

Shut up.

I feel sorry
for those freaks.

(Panting slowly)

Dave:
so,

Feeling that
school spirit?

I knew you put
trish up to it.

Thanks, dave.

Oh, yeah.

How about,
tomorrow after practice,

I'll take you
to any movie you want.

Lady's choice!

Could we ask clare and kc?
Double date?

Nah! Tomorrow it's you,
me, a dark theatre,

And five gallons
of sweet buttery corn!

Sounds... Great.

Okay.

Gerry:
there's lots of support
for people like you.

We can also arrange
one-on-one therapy

With a recommended
psychologist.

The feelings,
they're making me crazy.

I wish they would
just go away.

Well, you're at
a crossroads.

Embrace a gay lifestyle;

Or decide to live the life
you want.

I won't be embracing
any gay lifestyle,

Believe me.

Hmm.

I used to be like you.

But through therapy i,

I allowed myself
to choose my future.

Now I have a wife,
two kids...

And you're happy?

Happier than I was.

(Clears throat)

Anyway,
read the literature

And we'll talk about
a counseling plan.

Thanks uh, gerry.

Well, when you're ready,
then.

(Indistinct chatter)

Hey, beautiful!

(Relieves sigh)
you scared me.

What do you want?

To apologize.

You've been right all along
about my feelings.

And I'm getting help.

Congrats.
It's about time.

Yeah. So, I hoped
you'd be into

Having a real boyfriend.

Excuse me?

I mean,
once I'm cured!

Cured!?
Are you insane?

You can't cure
h*m*!

Yes you can!

There's a website,
an office...

It's like a disease!

Wow. You really
hate yourself, don't you?

Too bad you can't
cure bitch!

(Astonished gasps)

We don't talk anymore,
okay?

Fix me. Cure me.
I'll talk to a doctor,

Uh, take a straight pill,
whatever it takes.

Did you read
the literature?

What it takes is weeks,
months,

Maybe years
of reorientation therapy.

Years!?

Yes. And unfortunately
this type of therapy

Is not covered
by insurance.

Have you talked
to your parents?

As if I'd tell my parents
I need money to get de-gayed!

Well, a lot of parents think
it's worth the investment.

(Sighs)
how much is it?

Say a hundred an hour,
once a week,

Maybe twenty weeks.
Around two thousand dollars.

Whoa! Two grand?
(Laughs)

Oh, I get it.
This is a scam, right.

You require extensive
behavioral modification.

I'm just trying
to help you, riley.

Whatever, gerry.

I'm gonna figure it out
on my own.

It's going to take
a lot more

Than just finding
the right girl.

It couldn't hurt.

(Breathing heavily)

(Thud)

Pete?

Tonight, guys night out.

(Thuds)

(Loud music playing
in headphones)

(Door closes)

Ow.

Hey.

You still re-mixing
the studz songs?

I'm supposed to be,

But I've been spying
on your double life.

It's bizarre.
But you look super cute.

You're not going to
make fun of it?

No, but uh-

Okay, then I have
some crazy news-

I just don't get why you want
to hang out with these weirdos.

Why are you
in your band?

Um... 'Cuz there's nothing
better than rocking a crowd.

It's like I'm their god.

Exactly.

The borogard people
look up to me, sav.

I'm important.

You're important to me.

You say so.

But ever since you guys
got back from l.a.,

It's like you're
married to the band.

Anya, it's just that...
We're busy!

So I found people
that have time for me.

Who accept me
for who I am.

Oh, and who
would that be?

A fairy princess,
or my girlfriend?

You better hope
I can be both.

(Door slams,
school bell rings)

Dave:
oh, and the thought of you
cheering me on?

Man, I'll be able
to do anything!

All right,
so I thought, you know,

Tonight after practice

I'll bust out the shower gel

We'll hit up the movies,

Uh, grab some-

Dave! Stop.

(Half laughs)
stop what?

Sorry.

I tried to play along
as your girlfriend.

But I can't.

But i...
Thought you liked me.

I like you.
Just not like that.

Is it someone else?

Sorry.

Who?

It doesn't matter.

(Sighs heavily)
aw, man.

The guys think
I'm cool.

And now girls
think I'm datable.

All because
I'm with you.

Would you be
less mad at me

If I helped you
keep your rep?

Corner pocket.

That's game.
Three in a row.

Super.
Are we done?

Nope.

Tonight one of these lucky
girls is going to find out

What kind of guy I am.

Sorry, I didn't get
the memo today.

Is that a straight one?

Exactly.
How about you?

It's been weeks since mia left.

You still
off the market?

Well, there's no point
in denying

The babe's a good thing,
right?

Watch the master at work.

(Rumble strips "girls and boys
in love" plays)

(Girls laughing)

Good job.

♪ Just 'cause you think it ♪

♪ It don't make it so ♪

♪ Drop used to drink it ♪

♪ Won't let you go ♪

♪ Plenty of girls and boys ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ Plenty of girls ♪

♪ And boys in love ♪

Dave:
you guys are gonna love her.

All right,
she's cute. Nice.

Jenna:
(crying) dave said it didn't
feel right.

Then he dumped me.

I just hope I can
stay on the squad.

Aw, sweety.
Come here.

There are lots of
single guys on the team.

Girls:
yeah.

(Sighs)
you think
they're buying it?

You should get an oscar.

It worked.
Dave's still the man.

That guy's lucky
he got a hopeless crush

On a pretty cool girl.

I'm sure you'll find a guy
who's right for you someday.

I'm sure I will,
clare bear.

Riley:
number.

Fake.

Peter:
oh. Ouch!

Why isn't this working?

I don't know,
some guys have it,

Some guys just don't.

Maybe it's karma.

Someone needs to put me
out of my misery.

Is that vodka?

Want some?

Naw. I'm just gonna
get another bad coffee,

Then another game?

Ah!

One more hem,
and it's done.

Thanks for staying
late with me.

Oh, no problem.

We'll have to make sure
we get some photos

For your parents!

(Sighs)

Sav:
hey ms. Dawes.

Anya.

Uh, you know, I have some
brushes that I should wash.

Somewhere.

If you're here
to judge me-

I'm not.

Look, um, I'm sorry
I made fun of you.

It's just I tell you
everything about the band.

And this
you kept a secret.

What's that?

(Sighs)

It's my wedding dress.

(Shouts) what?!

Tomorrow, I'm getting married
to the prince of dreadamort

To save borogard,
from destruction.

Oh my god!

I made it happen, sav.

And over there,
they're calling me a-

Dude!
Are you coming or not?

Let me guess:
band practice?

Spin's only night off.

You wanna come watch?

No, dummy!
If you haven't noticed,

I have a sunrise wedding
to get ready for!

And it might be
the only one I ever have.

Danny:
sav. Let's go.

(Sighs heavily)

(Pool cue hits a ball)

Are you ready?
You ready?

Boom. Boom.

Hey, come on,

You don't like that?

Peter:
okay, doof.

Let's go.

Bathroom.

No peeking.

Oops. My bad.

You sure you want
to do this?

I'm not your
instructor any more.

(Hard hitting kicks
and punches)

You want a b*at down,
you got it.

Good ahead!
Kick my ass.

(Tearful)
I deserve it.

Why?

(Inhales sharply)

I'm not normal.

Right.

Okay.

Look, I know how hard
it is for you.

I'm a swimmer.

The locker rooms,
the showers,

I get it.

But I don't want
everybody to know.

That you have
a choice about.

You don't have to come out
until you're ready.

If I ever am...

In the meantime,

All this self-hating,
violent crap?

How's that working
for you?

(Medieval harps
and flutes playing)

Attendee:
she's stunning.

Are you okay?

Just because sav and I

Are two seconds away
from breaking up

Doesn't mean I can't
enjoy my wedding.

Here goes.

Empress of dreadamort!

Thy minstrel
hath arrived!

(Strums lute)

(Flute and harp
join the melody)

When this ceremony
hath come to an end,

You shall leave here
as husband and wife

Joined together
by the powers that be.

This eternal bond shall
keep thee together

From this day forward.

It's a very mature step,
riley.

Keep me posted on your
progress.

You okay?

I mean, not to pry,

But you were just talking
to the counselor.

Anger management.

I'm done being a raging
jerk all the time.

Okay, cool.

Well, I should uh,
head to class.

Peter, wait.

There's a new memo
out today.

You were the first
to find out,

And you've been right
all along.

(Whispering)
I'm h*m*.

Well, can't say
I'm surprised,

But I'm glad
you're admitting it.

So, should I submit
a bulletin

To the morning
announcements or something?

No.
This stays between us.

I'm not gonna come out
in high school.

What stays between us?

You didn't tell me
anything.

Thanks.