03x04 - 9 Crimes

[bunniefuu]

Scene 1: Alcide's house - Sookie, Alcide, Bill, Lorena

Sookie: Don't take it personally. The Were you were fighting had vampire blood in him. Bill's, in fact, so I know it's strong.

Alcide: Werewolves doing V? Goes against everything we stand for. The rest of the pack into that sh*t?

Sookie: The ones who took Bill, at least.

Alcide: Like I need more reasons to hate them. Ow!

Sookie: Sorry. Is Debbie your ex-girlfriend?

Alcide: She's my fiancée. She moved out a month ago.

Sookie: A month? And you still haven't got new furniture?

Alcide: I don't have time for it.

Sookie: You ever hear from her?

Alcide: My sister, Janice, does. She runs a beauty parlor. Debbie still goes in to get her hair done up.

Sookie: Almost done.

Her phone rings.

Sookie: Hello? Hello? Bill?

Bill: Yes.

Sookie: Are you hurt? I know the werewolves have you.

Bill: Nobody has me. I have left my life in Bon Temps. And I am leaving you.

Sookie: Shut the f*ck up.

Bill: Sookie.

Sookie: The last time I saw you, you asked me to marry you.

Bill: You did us both a favor by not saying yes.

Sookie: You have to say that. Someone's listening.

Bill: Lorena, actually, to whom I have just made love.

Lorena: Ca va, Sookie?

Bill: We f*cked like only two vampires can. I didn't hold back for fear of hurting her like I do with you.

Sookie: Bill.

Bill: Look at your life since I entered it. I've only caused you pain.

Sookie: That's not true.

Bill: I am death. I will bring you only suffering. Our worlds are too different. Our natures too. We were doomed from the start.

Sookie: I don't believe you.

Bill: Believe what you want. You are no longer of concern to me. Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be found.

He hangs up.

Credit

Sookie: What does he mean, he doesn't wanna be found?

Alcide: I'm pretty sure it means he doesn't wanna see you anymore.

Sookie: That isn't what he said.

Alcide: Well, what do you think he said?

Sookie: I don't know what he said. I just know that isn't the man I love.

Alcide: Well, maybe the man you love never existed except in your head.

Sookie: Is that supposed to be making me feel better?

Alcide: No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can still turn around and kick you right in the nut sac.

Sookie: I don't have a nut sac, and Bill... he's risked everything for me. Our love is way bigger than him breaking up with me over the phone.

Alcide: How many relationships you been in?

Sookie: What does that matter?

Alcide: Well, all I'm saying is there's no nice way of getting out of these things. Come here.

Sookie: Oh, my God, you're so warm.

Alcide: Sorry.

Sookie: It's okay, I'm just not used to it.

Alcide: It's a Were thing. We run hot.

Sookie: I thought maybe you were coming down with the flu.

Alcide: No. You probably want some privacy.

Sookie: That's the last thing I want.

Alcide: At least let me go put on a shirt.

Scene 2: Merlotte's - Sam, Melinda, Joe Lee

Sam runs out after Tommy.

Sam: Tommy! Get back here, you little sh*t!

He finds a truck and his parents in it.

Sam: Were you sleeping in my parking lot?

Melinda: Oh. We hadn't left yet because, uh, well, we got nowhere to go. We're a little behind in rent. Plus, our landlord got foreclosed on.

Sam: Oh, so that's why you came here. To eat my food and steal from me. Tommy tried to break into my safe.

Melinda: sh*t. Sometimes I think that boy's cheese done slid right off his cr*cker. He does desperate things when we fall on hard times.

Sam: When you fall? How often does this happen?

Melinda: Well...

Sam: Wait, I don't wanna know. This is not my f*cking problem.

Melinda: I know it ain't. Just please don't take it out on Tommy.

Joe Lee: Tommy? Tom. What happened now?

Melinda: No, no. No one's hurt. Sam caught Tommy stealing.

Joe Lee: Oh, that boy makes my ass itch.

Melinda: I ain't asking for your sympathy.

Sam: I can't have you living in my parking lot.

Melinda: No, we'll be gone the second he gets back. He's just off somewhere being himself up. Won't be long.

Sam: It better not be.

Scene 3: Sookie's house - Tara, Franklin

Franklin: Tell me everything you know about Bill and Sookie.

Tara: She says it was love at first sight.

Franklin: You don't believe that?

Tara: In love? Hell, no. People just get what they want and leave.

Franklin: And what does Sookie want?

Tara: Quiet. Being a telepath gets real noisy, and she can't hear Bill.

Franklin: Her brother, is he a telepath too?

Tara: Jason barely knows what he's thinking, let alone anyone else.

Franklin: If you keep smiling like that, I'm gonna get jealous.

Tara: I thought I loved him for a long time but he never loved me back.

Franklin: Then he is an idiot. Where is Sookie now?

Tara: Jackson, Mississippi.

Franklin: Where in Jackson?

Tara: I don't know.

Franklin: Find out.

Sookie is on the bed. Her phone rings.

Sookie: Hi, Tara.

Tara: Sookie, you sound awful.

Sookie: Bill... broke up with me.

Tara: Oh, my God. What an assh*le. Tell me where you are. I'm coming to get you.

Sookie: No, I just need to cry my eyes out for about a week.

Tara: What you need is your best friend, right now. Give me your address.

Sookie: After all you've been through? I don't want you getting mixed up in my mess.

Tara: You'd do it for me. I'm getting in the car right now. Address.

Sookie: I'm exhausted. I'll call you tomorrow, I promise.

Sookie hangs up.

Tara: Sookie.

Tara: What do you want from Sookie?

Franklin: Oh, you should be more concerned with what I want from you.

Tara: Let me go.

Franklin: Not gonna happen.

Scene 4: Bill's room - Lorena, Bill

Lorena: Well. That was the best sex I've had in decades.

Bill: At least somebody enjoyed it.

Lorena: There was true passion between you and I tonight.

Bill: Any passion you felt was me k*lling my love for Sookie. It had nothing to do with you. It's been a long night, and I need to sleep. Now get the f*ck out.

Lorena: Oh, William. I'm happy. You're with me. And you're not going anywhere. Even if it takes 40 years, I know you will love me again. You can't help but love.

Scene 5: Fangtasia - Sookie, Eric, Yvetta

Eric appears in front of the window of Alcide's room.

Sookie: Cheese and rice.You scared me half to death. What the hell are you doing out there?

Eric: Waiting for you to invite me in.

Sookie: Can all vampires fly?

Eric: Can all humans sing?

Sookie: Are you kidding? Couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it. Come on in.

Eric: So, um, how goes the search?

Sookie: Turns out, he's not who I was looking for. You smell like the ocean in winter. How is that possible? Bill doesn't smell like anything.

Eric: That's not possible.

Sookie: You played by the North Sea as a child.

Eric: Yes. How did you know?

Sookie: I'm smelling your memories.

Eric: Not even you can do that.

Sookie: Oh. I got skills you can't even dream of, cowboy. You want more?

Eric: Huh?

It was just a dream. Eric is at Fangtasia and Yvetta is dancing for him.

Yvetta: You want more? Or I boring you?

Eric: That'll be all.

Scene 5: Alcide's kitchen - Sookie, Alcide

Radio: The Vampire Rights Amendment's impending passing has left many up in arms,

but perhaps none so much...

Alcide: What time you wanna head back to Bon Temps? Since you're not looking for that assh*le anymore.

Sookie: Oh, I still plan on finding him.

Alcide: Okay, doormat.

Sookie: I'm not a doormat. I just want him to say it to my face.

Alcide: What, he didn't hurt you enough?

Sookie: I think he's in trouble. Maybe I'm wrong, but if he can look me in the eye and tell me it's over, then I'll leave him here to rot.

Alcide: You looking for closure? Just let it go, move on.

Sookie: Says the man cooking breakfast in a wok because he's too sad to buy a new frying pan. I need more information. Take me to that engagement party tonight.

Alcide: No f*cking way. I paid my debt to Eric Northman.

Sookie: I know you're still hurting over Debbie. Seeing her with those creeps might help you get over her.

Alcide: Are you insane? Either one of us showing up after last night is just asking to get our asses kicked. You go if you gotta. Don't put your sh*t on me.

Scene 6: Lafayette in his car - Lafayette

He speaks on the phone.

Lafayette: Ring, ring, hooker. Ring, ring. Now, I know you holing up at Sookie's, but long story short, I gots me a six-figure bucket seat cradling my black ass right the f*ck now. And you got yourself my old ride. That's right, Buddha done did us a 180, he did. Now, why don't you calls a m*therf*cker back, please? He hangs up. sh*t.

Scene 7: Sookie's house - Tara

Tara is tied on the bathroom chair. She sees she has a voicemail but can't reach her phone.

Scene 8: Alcide's house - Sookie, Janice

Sookie: You must be Janice.

Janice: And you're Sookie Stackhouse? Thank you, Jesus. I'd have settled for a two-bit hooker to get my brother's mind off that bitch Debbie Pelt, but you are cute and sweet. You're just what he needs.

Sookie: Thanks for coming over.

Janice: When you called, I was checking my horoscope. Do you know what it said? "Things are looking up for somebody close to you." Nailed it.

Sookie: Don't get too excited. Alcide and I are just working together.

Janice: You don't look like you work construction to me.

Sookie: No. Someone I care about's gone missing, and Alcide has inside information about the folks I think have him. I called you because I need to get into Lou Pine's without standing out. You need to look the part.

Janice: Well, that is my specialty. How deep do you wanna go?

Sookie: I wanna look like I could kick some serious ass. Which I can.

Janice: All right, let's pick out some temporary tattoos. No chance of anything more between you and my baby brother?

Sookie: I'm not really looking, and he's still hung up on his ex. Finding out about her engagement party tonight did not help matters.

Janice: Yeah, right, engagement party.

Sookie: Excuse me?

Janice: Oh. No, right. That's right, engagement party.

Janice's thoughts: That bitch Debbie's actually getting herself initiated into that nasty pack of freaks.

Janice: How did Al find out about it?

Sookie: Hollis told him last night at Lou Pine's.

Janice's thoughts: f*cking Hollis and his big mouth. I'm glad he didn't say nothing about her being hooked on V.

Sookie: But if Alcide still loves Debbie don't you think he should go and try to talk her out of it?

Janice: No, he should not. My psychic told him if he stayed with her, he would get himself k*lled. Did he listen? No. She ended up dumping his ass.

Sookie: Why'd he stay with her so long?

Janice: She was his first love, he never met anybody so alive, all that sh*t. But how many b*ll*ts are you gonna take for somebody? How many bad things gotta happen to you and the ones you love before you realize feeling alive ain't enough? I am just glad he made it out alive.

Scene 7: Merlotte's - Sam, Arlene, Jason, Hoyt, Andy, Bud, Kitch, Tammy, Kenya, Kevin

Jason: Oh. Arlene, what's happening, baby? I'm just trying to buy my crew here a round after a long day.

Arlene: A long day? It's lunch, okay? And I'm the only waitress working, as usual. You'll get your beer when you get it.

Jason: Where's she takin' it?

Man 1: Hey, right here. QB 1 gets the first beer.

Jason: I wanna see this.

Man 2: Here you go.

Man 1: About time.

Jason: Who's that cocky little sh*t?

Man 1: It was 18 yards deep. It was sick.

Hoyt: You're just mad because he's about to break your passing record. He's close. Say he's got the best arm of any kid in Bon Temps since... Well, since you.

Jason: What's his name?

Hoyt: Kitch Maynard.

Kitch: Don't even think about finishing that pitcher. That's QB 1's. f*cking winning name.

Andy: Get on up here, Bud. Get up here, young man. I'm gonna keep it short. Everything I learned about being a good cop, I learned from you. You always been a hell of a sheriff, Bud, and I'm gonna miss you. Kevin.

Kevin: We figured, since you hung up your hat for good, it's time you put on your new dancing shoes.

Woman: Put them on now, Bud.

Bud: Thank you. They're beautiful. It's been a great honor serving this community.

Woman: Yeah, baby!

Bud: And it's an even greater honor having served with such fine men. And woman. And it is in that spirit that I announce to you your new acting sheriff...

Man: Kitch! Kitch!

Bud: Andy Bellefleur.

Man: Go, Andy! Congratulations.

Men: Kitch! Kitch! Kitch!

Andy: Thank you. Thank you.

Man: That's how you drink a beer.

Andy: Ooh, boy. That's a surprise. And a hell of an honor. All I've ever wanted to be was a good cop.

Jason: It's Kitch, right?

Kitch: Well, around here they call me QB 1. But you probably can't remember that far back, can you, Stackhouse?

Jason: What's your name?

Woman: Tammy.

Jason: Tammy. Phew. You are smoking. You got all them dimples. I'd have made out with you, but unfortunately for you, you're with a disrespectful fucktard...

Man: Whoa, whoa.

Jason: ... who's causing a ruckus when a fine, upstanding citizen is getting all commemorated. You think you're a rock star, don't you? World at your feet, folks serving you beer underage. Girls sucking your cock whenever you say go. No offense, Tammy. You ain't nothing, boy. You'll find that out soon enough.

Kitch: Yeah, well, come end of season, they'll be shouting my name, and they'll forget you ever existed.

Man: Yeah.

Jason: But 10 years from now, there's gonna be a version of you, 10 years younger, doing the same thing to you. And then who you gonna be?

Kitch: What?

Jason: Yeah, that's right. You heard me.

Hoyt: Touchdown.

Kenya: Well, I guess the only way to get a promotion in this town is to drink like a fish, hallucinate farm animals, and k*ll a black man. Hey, promotion. Heh-heh. Pig!

Arlene: Oh, sh*t!

Sam: Here, let me help you.

Arlene: God, you wanna help me? How about doing your job, boss? Right now I'm a hostess, waitress, bartender, busboy, because everybody you hire comes to work whenever they f*cking feel like it or ends up dead. And I've got enough on my plate without...

Sam: I'll get someone else in here soon enough, okay?

Arlene: You have got to start looking out for your own, Sam.

Scène 8 : Alcide's house - Sookie, Alcide

Alcide: Sookie.

Sookie: In here.

Alcide: Wow. I guess my sister took to you.

Sookie: Debbie's getting initiated into Coot's pack, and she's addicted to V.

Alcide: Shut the f*cking door. Debbie's a bloodhead? How'd you find out?

Sookie: I was poking around in Janice's brain. She didn't tell you because she's trying to protect you.

Alcide: Why don't you let her?

Sookie: Because I know you care about Debbie. No matter what she did to you. I figured you'd wanna know if she were in danger.

Alcide: She's gonna let those f*cking mongrels brand her. V's the only reason. It's gotta be.

Sookie: Of course it is. Maybe it's not too late for you to get through to her. Stop her from ruining her life.

Alcide: f*ck!

Sookie: That mean you're coming with me? I probably won't get in otherwise.

Alcide: Fine. We're gonna have to go in separate, though. You might be able to fool some with that get up. They're just gonna b*at the sh*t out of me, again.

Scene 9: Russel's house - Russell, Bill

Russell: How long did you work for Sophie Anne?

Bill: Thirty-five years.

Russell: As?

Bill: I was a procurer.

Russell: Were you any good?

Bill: I received no complaints.

Russell: And then you started sampling the local flavor in Bon Temps.

Bill: No. I was on sabbatical.

Russell: Well, now you're playing coy, William. So which is it you doubt, my intentions or my power?

Bill: Can you assure me that you will be able to usurp her territory?

Russell: Well, that depends on the quality of your information, now, doesn't it?

Bill: No.

Russell: I insist. "A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." Rudyard Kipling. No Shakespeare, but less impetuous. And he never stole spoons.

Bill: Your Majesty, if I am going to sign my own death warrant I will need something in return. When I have fulfilled my duties, I want Lorena gone.

Russell: Gone?

Bill: Yes.

Russell: It is a punishable offense to k*ll another vampire.

Bill: Not if no one reports it.

Russell: Hm.

Bill: Eric Northman, the queen's sheriff of Area 5, has been selling vampire blood, and I believe it is at her behest.

Russell: If the Magister finds out, he'll put her on trial. He's been itching for another inquisition for centuries. Why on earth would she be so stupid?

Bill: The Great Revelation. She's close to losing her fortune now that we're being taxed by the IRS.

Russell: Hm.

Russell: Tug on the purse strings, you'll find a lady's heart. That's very nice, Bill. Very nice. I feel like celebrating.

Scene 10: Sookie's house - Tara, Franklin

Franklin: Missed you. You miss me? Did you miss me? I can't stop thinking about you. Something about you is just so... What's the word?

Tara: Aah! m*therf*cker.

Franklin: Magical. We have so much ahead of us.

Scene 11: Merlotte's - Sam, Jessica, Arlene, Terry

Sam: When people come in, first thing, count how many of them there are. More than two always gets a table, never the bar. So say there's three. Pull out one, two, three menus and walk them to their table.

Jessica: Well, what about the waitressing part?

Sam: You gotta be 18 to serve alcohol in Louisiana.

Jessica: That is so not fair. I'm never gonna be 18. And I used to be the best server at our church pancake night.

Sam: Think you can handle it?

Jessica: I'm a vampire, not a f*cking idiot. (To the clients) Uh, hi, welcome to Merlotte's. Table 5's available. If you'll just follow me right this way.

Arlene: A hostess ain't gonna help me with my workload. And she sure as heck ain't helping herself to my tips.

Sam: Calm down. I put an ad in the Pennysaver for another waitress. No one said anything about Jessica getting tips.

Arlene: People love giving redheads tips. And I've always been the only redhead at Merlotte's, Sam. You know that. Sorry, Sam. Ah, I get a little emotional when I'm... When I see people taking advantage of you.

Sam: What are you talking about?

Arlene: Well, you let in every stray, Sam. I mean, first that old dog, and then your folks, and now Jessica. I mean, it's your business. It's not a charity.

Sam: I can take care of myself. My folks won't be coming around anymore.

Terry: You sure they know that? Because they're grilling in the parking lot. One thing's for sure: we'll never be as bad of parents as they are.

Jessica: Well, your server will be right with you, all right? Oh, excuse me. Sorry.

Man: Jessica? Jessica Hamby?

Jessica: Um... No, you've got me confused, I think.

Man: Jessica, it's Chip from Bible study.

Jessica: Hi. Oh, my God.

Chip: I can't believe you're alive. Your folks are gonna be so happy. My God, it's a miracle.

Jessica: Yeah, I guess so.

Chip: Oh, praise Jesus. Praise him.

Scene 12: Hotshot - Calvin, Crystal, Lafayette, Eric

Calvin: You sh1tting me? My little brother just got busted dealing dope.

Lafayette: You won't find a better product.

Calvin: You a cop?

Lafayette: No, sir. Look, I know your boy's a lean, mean selling machine. I'm just here to up your game. Help you step up in the world, clean some sh*t up.

Crystal: I'll go grab the Dirt Devil from Felton.

Calvin: See if he's hungry too.

Crystal: I ain't his mama.

Lafayette: What do you say? You feel me? Nothing this hot will cost you this little and earn you so much.

Calvin: We're not getting in business with people like you.

Lafayette: People like me? Look...

Calvin: No, you look, son. Polite's in short supply around here. It's time you get your ass home.

Some men are in front of Lafayette's new car.

Man: Let's get these tires off.

Lafayette: Hey! Hey! Get the f*ck up out my ride.

Man 1: How about no?

Lafayette: How about I whup your f*cking ass?

Man 1: f*gg*t.

Calvin: I told you we ain't so polite around here.

Scene 13: Merlotte's - Hoyt, Jessica, Chip

Hoyt parks his car. He sees Jessica and Chip outside.

Jessica: How'd you end up in Bon Temps tonight?

Chip: I was just on my way home back from picketing the baby-k*ller factory up in Birmingham. Stopped for a bite.

Jessica: No. You wanted to stop for a bite but you decided it was too late, so you drove straight home.

Chip: It is late.

Jessica: Mm-hm. Then you got a little lost on the 165, and that's why you got home a little late and a little hungry. And you never even saw me.

Chip: I hate being hungry before bed.

Scene 14: Hotshot - Eric, Lafayette, Calvin

Man: Take that.

Calvin: Get your f*cking hands off me, dead man.

Eric: Take the deal.

Calvin: You'll have to k*ll me first.

Eric: No, I think I'll k*ll all your brother-cousins first. How does that sound, Lafayette?

Lafayette: Oh, that... That sounds good.

Eric: Excellent.

Calvin: Unh! We'll sell. Aah! Just let me f*cking go.

Eric: And that's called closing the deal. Let's go, RuPaul.

Lafayette: Get the f*ck up out of here.

Scene 15: In the car - Tara, Franklin

Tara: What do you want with Sookie and Bill?

Franklin: Nothing. My employer's interested in them. Him, mostly.

Tara: That where we're going? To your employer?

Franklin: "Slappy's Snack Shack, five miles. Persimmons and cherries." If there is one thing that I miss more than sunshine, it is good fruit.

Tara: Where are you taking me?

Franklin: Here I am trying to make pleasant conversation, and you wanna ruin all my surprises.

Tara: There ain't nothing pleasant about being bitten and tied up.

Franklin: You're tough. I could taste it in your blood. I'm not a bad guy, Tara. I just wanna make sure that we have a chance.

Tara: Untie my hands. I'll give you whatever chance you want.

Franklin: Are you like this with your other boyfriends?

Tara: This is kidnapping.

Franklin: This is opportunity. My job supports my financial needs. My emotional ones. It's just there's so much I wanna tell you.

Tara: Then tell me where we're going.

Franklin: I've been so lonely. But now you're mine... all that's changed.

Scene 16: In the woods - Sam, Tommy

Sam: I figured the sooner you left Bon Temps, the happier you'd be. Unless you plan on stealing from me more.

Tommy: You don't know sh*t about me.

Sam: Well, I know you got a pretty raw deal with your folks. I know you think I got off easy.

Tommy: Why'd you even look us up, anyway?

Sam: Well, when I was your age... I had no example. And everything I did... sh*t that was worse than stealing, by the way... I did blind. And I survived, but it caught up with me so bad, sometimes I wished I hadn't. Guess I wanted to see how different it could have been.

Tommy: And now that you have?

Sam: I see that I can't get back what I lost. But you're still young, and you don't have to make the same mistakes. And you could stay with me. I could set you up at the bar.

Tommy: You don't get it. My folks are f*cked up, but they can't get by without me.

Sam: Now, I know it feels like that, but they're not your problem.

Tommy: That's all they are. I ditch them tomorrow, they end up in the gutter by the end of next week. You think I can live with that? I won't be free of these people until the day they die.

Scene 17: Lafayette's car/Fangtasia - Lafayette, Eric, Pam, Magister

Eric: Well, I have to say I'm a little disappointed, Lafayette. I pegged you as a professional, but clearly, you lack the necessary artistry.

Lafayette: Bossman, have you seen this face? It ain't nothing but art.

Eric: Well, you walk into every situation all flash and fire. You expect them to adapt to you. That's not salesmanship. It's ego.

Eric's cell phone rings.

Eric: What?

Pam: We're being raided.

Eric in Swedish: So? Call the American Vampire League, they'll get their lawyers on it. I'm busy.

Pam in Swedish: It's not the police... the magister.

Eric in Swedish: I'm coming there now.

Pam in Swedish: Don't be stupid. Leave while you still can. They're looking for the V, Eric. The Queen set you up.

She hangs up.

Magister: Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Pam: Magister. What a pleasant surprise.

Magister: Oh, there's nothing pleasant about this. This is blasphemy. Take her.

Lafayette: I know I ain't got no fangs, and I know I can't talk whatever language that is you talk in, but I can move your sh*t. Oh, hell. How am I supposed to deal with this f*cked-up-ness?

Scene 18: Merlotte's - Andy, Jason

Jason: Hey, Andy. I wanna be a cop. A real one.

Andy: That's good, Stackhouse.

Jason: Yeah. I've been old Jason long enough.

Andy: Well, apply yourself like I told you. Someday you might make a good one.

Jason: No, I don't think you're hearing me. You see, I'm not doing them fake ride-alongs and filling out forms. I'm thinking there's gotta be an easier way.

Andy: Ah, you've been thinking that way your whole life, Stackhouse. Where's it gotten you?

Jason: You're gonna make me a cop, and you're gonna make me one now.

Andy: Jason, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. There's rules.

Jason: There any rules about taking TV interviews and promotions for not sh**ting a k*ller dead when I'm the one who's gotta live with doing it? Any rules about that?

Andy: I push this, it'll blow up for the both of us.

Jason: You know, I read something in all that cop homework about when you make up stories about murderers and crimes. What do they call that again?

Andy: Falsifying evidence.

Jason: Yeah, falsifying the evidence. Last few days, sh**ting a known k*ller, tackling a drug dealer in Hotshot. I'm already the best cop you got, Sheriff Andy Bellefleur. Oh. sh*t.

Scene 19: In the woods - Melinda, Sam, Tommy, Joe Lee

Melinda: Uh-huh. These dogs plumping up real good. There you are.

Joe Lee: Boy, I'll whup you.

Sam: Now, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna give you a place to stay for now till you get back on your feet. No more stealing, no more drinking, or the deal's off.

Melinda: I think we can manage that.

Joe Lee: Don't see why not. Tommy? Think you can fly straight from now on? Supposed to be a joke.

Tommy: Maybe I can.

Scene 20: Russell's mansion - Talbot, Franklin, Tara

Talbot: No. No, no, no, not you.

Franklin: Russell's expecting me.

Talbot: He's out. He'll be a while.

Franklin: We'll wait.

Talbot: Is this for me? It's skinny.

Scene 21: Lou Pine's - Alcide, Sookie, Debbie, Gus

Alcide's thought: It's a private party. Hollis ain't here. We're on our own.

Man1: Yeah.

Man 2: Yeah.

Gus: sh**t it.

Sookie: No, thanks.

Gus's thoughts: She looks familiar. Did I bang her?

Sookie: I mean, f*ck, yeah!

Men: Yeah!

Gus: Again.

Man: Again.

Gus: One more. Third time's the charm.

Man: Oh, go, go, go! Go, go, go!

Woman: Yeah!

Debbie: Who the f*ck are you?

Alcide: She's with me, Debbie.

Scene 22: In a car - Russell, Lorena, Bill

Russell: In the mood for anything in particular?

Lorena: Someone smoky. Not too fatty.

Russell: See, I was thinking... ethnic.

Lorena: Mm.

Russell: You said you were a procurer? Procure.

Bill: As you wish.

Scene 23: Fangtasia - Pam, Eric, Magister

Eric: Let her go! I am who you want. But I have been framed.

Magister: "Oh, you've got the wrong man." "My dog ate my homework." "I saw Goody Osburn with the devil." Excuses are one thing I can assure you do not get better with age. Do you deny the blood was being sold in your area?

Eric: Not on my orders.

Magister: Then on whose? Your queen's? What shall it be, sheriff? Desecration of the blood or treason against your regent? Both among the most dire of crimes.

Pam: It was Bill Compton!

Eric: It's true. He... He's gone missing. You've seen yourself how easily he betrays our kind for personal gain. I believe he is behind this, and I am gathering evidence to bring him to you. Now let me finish my work.

Magister: They say the loss of a child is the deepest of despair. Two days, Mr. Northman, or she dies. A true death.

Scene 24: Lou Pine's - Coot, Debbie, Sookie, Alcide

Debbie: You thought this knight-on-a-white-horse sh*t would work? With me?

Alcide: What have you done to yourself?

Debbie: I finally got free of you. And I never been happier in my life.

Alcide: I still care about you. You go through with this, the pack will never let you back in.

Debbie: I don't need your p*ssy pack. And I was f*cking Coot when I was still with you.

Alcide: This isn't about us.

Debbie: Like hell. You came here and brought this skank just to make me jealous.

Sookie: Skank? Well, coming from you, that's just funny.

Alcide: Sookie.

Debbie: You did not just say that to me at my own f*cking party.

Sookie: Alcide came here despite every good reason in the world not to because he believes the woman he fell in love with still lives inside you somewhere. He's willing to risk his life to make sure you hold on to her, even if he doesn't get to.

Alcide: It isn't too late. We can get out of here right now.

Coot: What the f*ck is this?

Alcide: It's just a conversation, Coot.

Coot: Well, she's all done with you, Herveaux. She went and found herself a real wolf. Come on. Let's do this sh*t!

Man: Yeah!

Debbie: Leave him alone, Coot. Let him stay.

Coot: No way in hell.

Debbie: He needs to see this. He ain't never gonna let us be baby, till he understands I'm with you for good.

Coot: Okay.

Men: Yeah. Yeah! Yeah!

Sookie: Coot. He's one of the ones who took Bill.

Scene 25: In a car - Russell, Lorena

Russell: I have an errand to attend to. If I'm not back before Mr. Compton returns with our dinner, you feel free to start without me.

Scene 26: Strip club - Bill,

Bill is in the strip club. He looks at the ladies.

Scene 27: Lou Pine's - Sookie, Alcide, Debbie, Russell

Sookie: Who's that?

Alcide: Russell Edgington. He's a rich antiques dealer here.

People: Yeah! Yeah!

Russell in german: Now... shall you drink... the dark wine of our ancestors.

Sookie: What's a vampire doing in a wolf den?

Alcide: Why are they submitting to this fanger?

Sookie: Oh, my God. He supplies them.

Alcide: Holy sh*t.

Russell: Oh. Not tonight, pumpkin. Otherwise your brand don't last. Tonight... you continue the grand tradition of expanding our pack. My contribution is but a small token of gratitude for our collaboration throughout the ages.

Sookie: The ages?

Russell: Drink.

Man: Yep.

Russell: Now I leave you amongst your own to celebrate.

Scene 28: Strip Club - Bill, Ann

Bill: All yours.

Striper: Shy?

Bill: Perhaps.

Striper: I'll take good care of you.

Bill: What's your name?

Striper: Destiny.

Bill: What is your real name?

Striper: Camilla.

He glamour her.

Bill: What is your name?

Striper: Ann.

Bill: What does your husband think about your profession?

Ann: No husband.

Bill: Children?

Ann: Never wanted any. World's too f*cked up.

Bill: And your family?

Ann: Told me I wasn't worth nothing. I figured they ain't worth knowing.

Bill: Perhaps you're right about that.

Ann: No point anyway.

Bill: What?

Ann: Loving anyone, anything. Feels good at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about life. It's a hell I'll never get out of alive.

Bill: No one does.

Scene 29: Lou Pine's - Alcide, Sookie, Debbie, Coot

Coot: Yeah!

Man: Debbie, you dumb bitch.

Men: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Alcide: This is so f*cking wrong.

Men: Yeah!

Sookie: What's happening? Are they all shifting?

Alcide: You need to get out of here. Sookie, run. Run!

Scene 30: In the car - Lorena, Bill, Russell, Ann

Russell: Well, what have we got here?

Ann: So, what kind of party we having?

Russell: Yeah. Well. Well. Ladies first.

Lorena: Why, thank you, Russell.

Russell: Please join us.

The three vampires feed from Ann.