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02x12 - Shock to the System

Posted: 06/07/22 17:38
by bunniefuu
( music playing )

( man singing in Spanish )

( electric guitar riff playing )

( mutters )

Janet? Janet, wake up, you got--

Man: Go, go!

Read it, just do it!

Uh, if Janet were awake,

she'd tell you that Rico Java

is at the Course of Ambivalence,

which some people are now calling

the Obstacle Corpse.

( chuckles ) That's funny.

'Cause people keep getting hurt.

- ( gasps ) - Morning.


Good morning.

( yawning ) Oh, thank you.

Oh, my God! That's water!

Yeah, you don't look too good.

Can I get some peppermint schnapps, please?

My mouth tastes like an orphanage f*re.

Thank you.

Oh, my God!

That's peppermint schnapps.

Thank you.

Where do I know you from?


Let me tell you a story about a boy.

Oh, God.

This boy, he dreamed about leading...

let's say a troop, that lives on a starship.

A starship troop, if you will.

Well, he worked his butt off

and he became the leader of that starship troop.

And he went on adventures throughout the galaxy,

fighting... let's say, very large bugs.

This boy was living his dream.

So he did a lot of tours with that troop,

more than most thought was advisable.

The boy, he really liked doing those jobs.

Some people said that he was sliding backwards,

but he told them, "There's no backwards.

There's only forwards or standing still."

My God, you're Casper Van Dien from "Starship Troopers."

No, why?

No. It's a metaphor.

- You're the boy. - I'm the boy.

You want an acting job that's gonna make you famous

and get you respected.

You already have that with "Spectrum."

So you didn't get "Doctor Cop Lawyer," so what?

"Spectrum" is moving forwards.

Move forwards with it. Don't stand still,

or your spaceship will take off and leave you behind.

You really look like Casper Van Dien.

- I'm John. - Rico: Wray Nerely is a no-show.

- Whoopsie. - I'm late to my panel.

( whistling )

Where's Casper Van Dien?

Rico: Nobody knows where he is...


Shift's over, I'm going home.

You do need to pay your tab.

( screams )

- Morning. - Oh.


( screams )

- Boo! - ( gasps )

Apparently, things at the "Spectrum" panel are not going as planned.

Oh... shit.

( chanting ) "Spectrum," "Spectrum"...

Thank you.

Wish me luck.

( cheers, applause )

Woman on PA: Will the cast of "Spectrum"

please report to Hall H?

Will the cast of "Spectrum"...

Got a big announcement. We got a new film in the works,

based on a graphic novel we have in the works

based on a tweet that I've got in the works.

Anyway, it's called "Back In From the Outback."

Woman on PA: Wray Nerely, please report to Hall H.


- Oi! Hey, you! - Aah...

Wray, you have done this to my pretty little face.

Is that dental floss?

Yeah! Cinnamon!

Stings like a butterfly bite.

Well, there's food in it. Maybe that's--

- Do what you can. - Listen, could you let go of this?

That crazy lady, that's your agent.

And you guys are working together

to put me out of this "Doctor Cop Lawyer" shit, aren't you?

Hey, get your Australian grippy-grip wank mitts off--

- ( crowd gasps ) - And I'm up.

- Crowd member: Fight, fight. - Okay, ah...

Let's do this.

You are not a cut, sir.

You're a cun...

- ( grunts ) - ( crowd gasps )

Oh, I get it. You just want a fist 'em ups.

No, no, fist 'em ups. Fist 'em downs.

Fist 'em downs, I'm sorry. I had...

( chuckles ) ...such a morning.

There was schnapps. I want to apologize,

with... hyah! Ha, ha, ha!

Look, you're sending some mixed messages here, mate.

I understand. On your f*cking face.

On your face.

Honestly, I feel that's kind of disappointing.

Have you punched people before?

I have, but it never cut my hand.

So you do want a punch 'em up?

No, no, no, no.


I want a kickeridoo.

( grunts )

A toe wallop? Oh, you've had it now.

A somber mood here today.

The obstacle course is being shut down. There will be no cash prize.

Yes, instead we'll be distributing that money

to the victims of the obstacle course and their families.

There's a number at the bottom of your screen, please donate.

- Wray? - Hey, um.

- What's going on? - Oh, nothing too hectic.

Just a couple of blokes having a little puncheridoo.

- Nothing to worry about. - No, no, no, no.

You can't go in there, it's a death trap!

Girth: She'll be right!

Wray Nerely just challenged Girth Hemsworth to the Course of Death!

This is amazing.


( yelling )

Safe to say, they didn't get us.

They wanted a cookie cutter space show.

We were giving them something entirely unique

and they feared quality back then, so they cancelled us.

- Jack? - Oh, my God.

- There you are. - Jack: Hey.

- Jack. - Hey!

How are you feeling?

I'm not feeling anything,

and it feels great.


( cheers, applause )

Oh, ow...

Brenda White has run onto the course.

- This is great. - What? What? Ow!

Oi! Where you going, mate?

- Wray: Who built this thing? - Oh, you can't get all the way up.

That's all right, come on. We can fight here.

- Come on. - Black turtles!

Rico: Brenda White is being chased by three men in black turtlenecks.

Brenda: Black turtles!

Welcome back, super fans.

Sound Man Sammy here.

The lost-but-found handsome Hemsworth brother

is b*ating the tar out of those Steve Jobs-looking guys.

Oh, my God, someone is actually gonna finish the obstacle course.

None other than "Spectrum"'s Brenda White!

( electric guitar riff plays )

Sorry I'm late. Breastfeeding went long.

Oh, you mean two years too long?

- Dawn Jones, everybody, Dawn Jones. - Hello, everybody!

( cheers, applause )

Do you know where the rest of the cast is still?

I'm here, I'm here, I'm sorry. Hi!

Everybody, Brenda! Brenda White!

- Hi. - Brenda, what happened to your neck?

Jack, I owe a lot of people--

This is just loose skin.

This is just loose skin!

I'm fat free, debt free, bitches!

( giggles ) This is just loose skin!

This is just loose skin.

Don't touch it, though.

( yelling )

Don't you think this is getting a little dangerous?

Woman on PA: Wray Nerely, please report to Hall H.

Wray Nerely, please report to Hall H.

If it isn't Crocodile Dumb-dee.

Wray, this is going too far. You're gonna get yourself k*lled,

so come on back, eh?

There's no reason to go back!

It's the same distance either way.

You're gonna get yourself k*lled. I'm coming out to save you.

- Stay there. Give me your hand. - Wray: Ha, ha, ha!

Say hello to my little bean bag!

Both: Oh, my God!

Abort, abort, abort.

Wray? Wray!

- Somebody's sh**ting at me! - Wray: I know, it h*t me!

Oh, my God! What was that?

Girth: Let's get you out of here, Wray.

Come on.

Argh, come on, mate.

( cheers, applause )

Rico, the battery's dying.

- Battery's d*ad. - What?

Something worthwhile is finally happening--

Let's get another one, come on.

Come on, Jesus.

Jack: She's looking at us like "What the hell are you doing?"

We all have our mouths full of food,

and I said, "Look, if you don't want us to eat the props,

- they shouldn't have been so delicious." - "Spectrum"!

( cheers, applause )

( Wray groans ) Oh, boy.

Come on, mate, up you get. I gotcha.

- There you go, you all right? - Get your hands off of me.

Jesus God!

I got this.

I'm up.

- Finley. - Is this about "Doctor Cop Lawyer?"

I made my choice last night at the party, okay?

- Really? - Who'd you choose?

- Woman on PA: Wray Nerely. - You chose me!

Woman on PA: Please report to Hall H.


I think you're late for your panel there, mate.

I chose Wray Nerely.

Really? You really, really chose me?

The character's a broken man.

Whether or not it comes from a real place,

you exude brokenness.

I'll take it.

Besides, I hate drama on set,

and the worst is when actors hook up with each other.

And I'm definitely hooking up with this guy.

Sure. Tickety boo.

- Look at his chest. - Thanks.

Woman on PA: Wray Nerely, please report to Hall H.

- I gotta go. - Hey, Wray, um...

you should start getting into shape.

We begin sh**ting September 15th,

and... you know.

September 15th. Thank you.

Oh, I'm Doctor Cop Lawyer. I'm Doctor Cop Lawyer!

We can play a little "Doctor Cop Lawyer" of our own, eh?

Wray tells that story better. I don't think he's gonna make it, though,

and I have some news I wanted to share.

Don't-- don't tell the news without me.

- Should I even ask? - I don't know.

Okay, Wray Nerely, everybody. Wray Nerely.

( cheers, applause )

Good, so you're here, so I can--

I can finally make this announcement with everybody present.

Ladies and gentlemen, Spectrum,

the best spaceship that ever was

will finally be flying to a movie theater near you

because we start filming the "Spectrum" movie September 15th!

- ( cheers, applause ) - September 15th!

( echoing ) September 15th!

( heart b*ating )

( heartbeat speeds up )

( heartbeat speeds up more )

( distorted voice ) Wray?


She wants to know how excited you are to be playing Cash again.

Woman: Hi, Wray.

I'm not. I'm not.

I want to play Doctor Officer Blade Slater, Esquire.

- "Doctor Cop Lawyer." - What?

I got the part. I got the role.

I got the lead. I b*at a Hemsworth.

That's great, but you're still gonna do--

you're still gonna do "Spectrum," right?

I can't, they sh**t at the same time, I'm sorry.

Dammit, Wray!

Wray, you're not turning your back on the fans, are you?

You're not turning your back on the cast.

On the cast? This cast?

Who, like Tiffany here? Turning my back on Tiffany?

Do you think that she is in any shape to do a movie?

Tiffany, are you? Tiffany?

- Tiffany! - ( quiet fart )

( fart continues )

What about Brenda over here?

What about me?

I don't know, you've got a throatum.

I have a "throatum"?

It's like a scrotum on your throat.

You're a jerk, Wray.

Wray, I think you may have a concussion.

I might.

I might have a concussion 'cause I was sh*t in the head with a bean bag

- from a g*n! - That was a sculpture...

...that needed its sights recalibrated.

Or Dawn?

You're the father of one of my twins.

How are they-- they don't look like twins.

Well, they were born three weeks apart.

Twins aren't born--

Go give Daddy a hug.

Audience: Aww!

How is that kid mine? How?

I mean, maybe the other one.

Actually, he looks pretty much just like me when I was his--

why is he looking at me like that?

Wray, I helped you get that job.

Oh, come on.

No, you d--

Jack, yesterday,

you said that you had to go back to your past,

backwards to go forwards.

I just learned there is no backwards.

There's only forwards or standing still,

and I've been standing still since "Spectrum" was cancelled.

I got a sh*t to go forwards. I'm going.

I'm going.

You're turning your back on me, Wray?

Screw you.

This isn't about you!

This isn't about Jack Moore.

This isn't about all of you.

This isn't about all of you.

This is about me.

I get my chance, and I'm taking it.

I'm sorry.

I'm making this choice for me.

( mic thuds )

( feedback squeals )

Why don't we just move the "Spectrum" dates?

Can we do that?

We can-- I'm sorry.

I didn't-- I don't-- ugh. Gotta stand up.

I didn't know if we-- if we can do that.

I could do-- I'll do both.

Why don't we do that?

Actually, everything I just said,

if you could just, uh, forget that and I'm in.


Thank you.

Well, who would like to ask a question of the crew of "Spectrum"?

Yes, please, you go ahead.

Man: Yeah, hi, my question is for Wray.

Uh, did you just say that you don't care about the fans

and just insult your whole cast, and make fun of Brenda

for looking like a monitor lizard,

and then, are you gonna do some other sci-fi show

that's got, like, three different people stitched together?

Is that like a "Human Centipede" situation thing?

Can you just talk about what it's like to be stitched to other people?