02x13 - Ocean's Eight - Or Nine

[bunniefuu]

Last time on Total Drama Action...

we learned that w*r movies are brutal!

At first, our contestants were flying high.

But tensions soon ran deep when Grips couldn't capture the footlocker to win the challenge.

Despite the inspiring leadership of Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness.

And while the Gaffers technically won that battle, you have to wonder if they lost the w*r because their biggest conflict is still with each other.

In the end, even though Owen's jaw was wired shut, his heart was wide open as he faced a plus-sized voting tragedy.

Was it time for Izzy to go? Again?

Uh, yeah! That girl is a complete whackjob!

You keep coming back for the expl*sive drama, I keep coming back for the perks.

Car chase this week! And with only eight contestants left, the engines are on and the stereo is set to thump to the catchy opening theme song.

It's time for some more Total. Drama. Action!

What?

Vandal. Nerd.

We have to all stop acting like babies or every one of us is going home.

Ever since Leshawna sold us all up the river for a day at the spa, I've finally come to see that she's only looking out for herself.Of course, if I looked like that, I'd probably just look at myself all day, too. Uh, but she's a bad, selfish person! Bad! So bad...

Come on, you guys.

What Leshawna did is for the best.

Nobody needs a day at the spa like she does. In fact, you could write a tell-all book about her hairdo called "Weave Got Problems"

Nobody's gonna argue with her?

Sounds like an entertaining read.

I'm going back to the trailer

Try not to let the door hit your butt on the way out!

Door? It's a tent, idiot boy.

Uh, it's a figure of speech?

What you should've said was, "Don't let the flap flutter y--"

Shut up, Harold.

They're gonna pay. Leshawna's revenge-- Hey! [grunts]

I feel so lucky to still be here.

And I am back on track! My jaw's unwired and back in business! I can finally eat like normal people! Ha ha ha! [eats noisily]

Or like ten normal people.

Sorry you guys, but there's a great smell coming from Chef's steam table and seconds are a-wasting!

Aw, man, it was just steam! My sniffer must be getting rusty. Yoohoo, Cheffy-poo?! Come out, come out wherever you are! [grunting]

What an entrance!

Consider it a hint as to this week's movie genre!

Is it lame-o, rock Climbing, wannabe host movies?

No. This week, we're paying tribute to the action-packed bank heist gangster caper film!

Uh, Chris? Our team is missing a player.

So is ours. but we don't care

Owen and Leshawna are gone, people. Because rescuing them is the first part of your challenge.

(gaspings)

(Yawns) Pardon me.

They've both been locked up in state-of-the-art safes, along with all the tools each team will need to commit a movie perfect bank robbery.

Your job is to cr*ck the safes, rescue your teammates, grab the equipment, and try to be the first ones to rob the First National Bank of Chris. Let's kick it, gangstas.

Hello? Hello?!

I can handle being ambushed and carried away by unknown thugs who keep saying, "Whoa, this dude is heavy!", but would it k*ll them to put a little catering in the vault?!

Dig as this bank t*nk is, it still beats hanging with my so-called teammates.

Seriously, they've been giving me major 'tude for actually playing the game. Like they would've done anything different.

Let me do it!

Were you the captain of Picky Steve's Lock Picking Camp? Huh? No.

The H-Bombs, Harold and Heather, were so busy trying to figure out who's the wold's biggest dweeb that they totally forgot I'm an experienced criminal!

Frankly, it was a little insulting.

Do you think it's like cracking an egg?

My boyfriend has a bad habit of cracking his knuckles. Some people say it's gross.

I think it's kinda adorable. 'Cause it's him. If this safe were a giant knuckle, I'd know what to do.

I need concentration and quiet! The numbers aren't talking to me.

Maybe they don't speak Dimwit! [grunts]

It's an expression. "cr*ck open". As in, we need to find the combo.

Oh. My junior high locker combination! It didn't change the whole three years I was in grade eight, so it must be standard!

Oh, well, that's just bad school spirit!

The obvious way to do this is to think of combinations Chris would've come up with. What is his favorite thing in the whole world?

Chris.

Exactly! His birthday.

Okay then. His measurements.

The barcode number on his favorite hair gel?

Stop doing that!

You know, Chris, I was thinking. Super hot guys like you and me have to stick together.

So why don't you tell me what the combo is? And then we can talk about guy stuff and I'll give you a shoulder rub, huh? Huh?

Justin?

Uh-huh?

you're making me kind of uncomfortable here.

A bobby pin?!

It worked on my sister's diaries!

You're pathetic.

You're pathetic-er!

You're both losers!

Aw, get me out of here! I'm starving! I can't go this long without food!

Guys, I think we found the answer. But if we can somehow pipe the smell of delicious food into that safe...

We'll unleash the power of Owen!

Exactly, but we don't have any food, delicious or otherwise.

Don't worry. Back when I was single, I bought a bottle of Desperado, the fragrance of last resort.

It attracts men with the same cutting-edge technology supermarkets use to attract customers!

Meaning?

It smells just like roast chicken.

So I'm sitting in my orthodontist's office, and Hunky McCuterson takes the seat opposite me.

I grin at him, but he just thinks I'm making ouchie faces on account of the braces.

Until I pull this baby out and spritzer on once something works that well. He you don't let it out of your sight

No, I've never tried plutonium. Is it spicy? [sniffs] Huh?

Oh, sweet whipped topping! There's chicken out there! People shouldn't make me hungry! You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry! [growls] [grunting]

Chicken? Hey! I don't remember you guys looking so crispy.

Why is he looking at us like that?

Here's our bank robbing kit.

Let's go rob a bank before Owen tries to eat us! Wow. There's something I never thought I'd say.

We are such good safe crackers.

Mmm, crackers.

Great, now they're in the lead. Can you tell me why we're even trying to get Leshawna out? I don't need a bunch of stupid prop equipment to rob a bank.

Then what exactly are we waiting for?

We can't just leave Leshawna.

Those are my lucky socks!

Were.

[drip]

You cut up my karate magazines for a stick-up note?

[drip]

Not my foot spray and deodorant! I need those!

It's true. There are limits.

You're an evil genius

Huh. I'm sure they'll be here any minute. I think I'm gonna take advantage of all this peace and quiet. Mmm... where are they?

Yoo-hoo? Anyone home? This is a robbery!

Welcome, Gaffers! You've beaten the Grips to the scene, so... you'll get first cr*ck at the teller.

How is that possible? They were way ahead of us!

Mama? Heh. Did you buy me new shoes? [laughs] Huh? Ooh.

We've got to get some food into him, stat! All I have is these breath mints.

[gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp, chew]

Mmm, minty.

Well, these lip glosses are pineapple and cherry flavor.

Oh, eating fruit is so healthy!

If the smell of chicken cologne worked for him, then maybe...

I'm sensing a hint of barnyard fowl, with an overtone of egg.

Let's go! What happened to the bank robbing tools?

(Burp)

I didn't eat them! We must've lost them on the way!

Afternoon, ma'am. That's a great set of legs you got there.

But right now, I'd like to focus on those lovely hands of yours. I need them to start filling this pillowcase with cash.

Anything else I can do for you today... Duncan?

(squeal)

Looks like Duncan's gone from cool as a cucumber to in a pickle.

He can run -- well, in this case, pass out -- but he can't hide, because... Total Drama Action will be right back!

Teams... it is my... "honor"... to report that Courtney is back for the duration of the game.

And we're all "exceedingly happy" about it.

She got booted out fair and square.

Sorry, Heather. But myself and the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen, and Strauss would beg to differ.

We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers. And won.

Good news, eh, Duncan?

So, Courtney, since you were our bank teller in the challenge -- great job, by the way -- you get to decide which team deserves to win first prize. Your bag of loot.

The choice is obvious. It's Duncan. I mean... the Gaffers. Since they were the only team that managed to get to my wicket. Congratulations.

Thank you?

I've seen manlier men trying on women's shoes.

So this means the k*ller grip wins second prize.

What's second prize?

Courtney! For the rest of the game! Or... until she's eliminated!

Those Total Drama dirtbags have some nerve making me second place! They will definitely be hearing from my lawyer [phone dialing] Again

So, Grips, Gaffers, your getaway cars are waiting. Better get a move on before the cops arrive.

That means go!

Getaway cars are always cool! That's the rule of heist movies!

[pants] Aston Martins maybe?

Or those groovy Mini Coopers!

I'm hoping for a Porsche!

What's all this junk?

These are your getaway cars, just waiting to be assembled!

That is so not hot.

If the vehicles were ready to go, it wouldn't be much of a challenge now, would it?

Did they leave me here on purpose all because of one teeny tiny mistake?

Okay, fine. Maybe it was a big mistake because here I am being left to rot until I'm nothing but a lifeless pile of bodacious beauty.

What do these people want from me?!

Okay, so lying to win a reward is evil, my bad! There, I admit it! I did a lousy thing! Now how 'bout a little forgiveness? Guys? What do you say?

They're not even getaway cars! They're go-karts!

Stop whining and gimme the lugnuts.

You're not bad at this.

It's just like stripping a car, except in reverse.

[holds back scream]

Ignore the sideshow and start putting together the chassis!

Is there something I can do where I won't get grease on my epidermis?

You're kidding, right?

Hand modeling is one of the things that put me on the map.

Obviously, that would be the map of useless ville. How did I get stuck over here?

Where are the others anyway?

[screaming]

Movie snacks!

What is he talking about?!

I don't know!

Hop in!

Hey, Courtney! Maybe you'll get to see more than just the back of me when the teams merge!

At this point, I'd take it.

Let's go, Casanova.

We need to be starting this challenge yesterday! Where are our wheels? Where is our team?!

Here we are! We had to rewire his jaw with my spare hair elastics. But that's the good news...

What's the bad?

These are kinda toast.

Toast?

[smack]

Aww...

No wheels does not mean it's over for us! We are going to have to improvise!

All right, that was humiliating. But the extra support was nice.

Faster, you deadbeats! The teams aren't called the Gaffers and the Slackers! Now move! Mush, mush!

Mush? We're not sled dogs!

Of course you aren't. Because if you were, this one would've eaten you!

It looks like the Gaffers are about to make a clean getaway and win the challenge!

[backfire]

What's happening?

I think we're out of gas!

I may have spoken too soon, ladies and gentleman. Talk about a real holdup.

They're gaining on us!

[cranking engine, sputter]

Vroom!

I knew I could win this. Even with a team of complete duds!

This is hard!

Try standing downwind of you without deodorant.

Faster! Faster!

[metal clunking]

Ahh!

I will not be second place!

Wanna bet?

First off, I'd like to congratulate both teams for choosing to go green. But in the end, the Gaffers are the winners!

That means I'll be seeing the Grips at tonight's Gilded Chris ceremony.

And Gaffers, even though you committed the anything but perfect crime, you get to enjoy victory. And your bag of loot.

We're rich! Oh-ho! Look at all this--

Non-negotiable Chris cash. Accepted only in the Total Drama Action Craft Services Tent towards the purchase of water from the tap?!

Sometimes I really hate that smile of his.

The time has come!

Now tell me that is not the Gilded Chris theme! This isn't funny anymore, y'all! This is downright cruel!

Like always, k*ller Grips, one member of your team will not be receiving a coveted Gilded Chris made of the finest Belgian chocolate.

Ah!

But not like always, and this is important to remember! This week, according to our lawyers, none of you are allowed to vote off Courtney!

You got that, dudes? This show can't afford anymore lawsuits! My massage budget has been sliced in half.

Gilded Chris Awards go to... Beth. Lindsay. Justin. Why do I have four votes to boot out Courtney when I specifically said you couldn't?

I guess we couldn't help ourselves.

No matter what, my finger would only press the Courtney button.

Well that leaves us with one vote that counts.

Owen, you've been eliminated.

This is bull!

She can't do that!

Sorry, bud. No chocolate Chris award for you.

Not even an ear?

Speech, speech, speech!

He lost the game for us, guys! Hello?

Anything in your contract to stop him from speaking?

Um... no. But...

Then... a little light for my friend here!

[chuckles]: Wow! I'd like to thank the academy!

The Academy of the Gilded Chris. Trademark patented and all mine.

This has been the role of a lifetime! Thanks to Justin, who inspired me everyday with his physical perfection and hot dogginess.

To Lindsay, who is also beautiful, in a soda poppy kind of way.

To Beth, who motivated me with her delicious, crispy skin, and her tender, juicy goodness.

to Chris, who also smells di---

What? No! No, you can't play me off yet! To my mom, who let me quit piano lessons! To my brothers! I'm sorry for scamming your Halloween candy.

We love you, Owen!

This Chris is for you!

Mmm... Ha, I love this game.

And that wraps up another totally dramatic episode with absolutely no loose ends to tie up. Isn't that right, Chef?

Hm.

Guys? Yoo-hoo? What do you say?

Nope.

Nah. Didn't think so.