05x02 - Evil Dread
Posted: 06/10/22 07:55
Chris:
Last time on "total drama":
I welcomed the all-stars
To the newly decontaminated
Island.
Then it was heroes
Versus villains,
Diving into
Shark-infested waters
In search of the one key
That would unlock the door
To the all new maclean
Spa hotel
For winners only.
Thanks to scott's
Cowardly fear of sharks,
We learned that
Inside every robot
Beats the heart
Of a spaniard.
In this case, alejandro.
And while alejandro
Might not hold the key
To heather's heart anymore,
He did hold the key
To the spa hotel
And victory
For the villainous vultures!
And the heroic hamsters
Bid farewell to lindsay
Via our newest
And most humiliating commode
Of transportation:
The flush of shame.
Who will be next
To pop through the pooper?
Find out right now on...
Total drama all-stars!
♪♪
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be
♪ I wanna be famous
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be
♪ I wanna be famous
(Whistling chorus)
(Camera shutter snaps)
Mike as chester:
There's a storm a comin',
Dagnabit!
Mike as svetlana:
(Inhales deeply)
I'm scared!
After all these years,
He's goin'k to return!
Mike as vito:
(Inhales) hey, oh,
How we gonna stop this goombah?
Mike as manitoba:
(Inhales) hush it, mates,
Mike is waking up!
(As himself)
Huh? Huh? What's that?
You guys say something?
(Snoring)
(Mosquito buzzes,
Slurps and glugs blood)
Sam:
(Groans)
(Glass shatters, blood sloshes,
Mosquito buzzes)
Ahhh! What the heck?!
Zoey:
Courtney? What's wrong?
Courtney:
What's wrong is that
We're sharing a cabin
With a superfan
With a bad case of crazy!
Sierra:
(Giggles)
Hey, courtney!
I've updated
The "sleeping" section
Of your picture gallery
On my fan site!
Weeee!
I hate to break chris's rules
About smuggling in special items
Like my cell phone,
But I have to keep
My td blogs current!
"Zoey's even sweeter
Than she is on tv.
Courtney is even courtney-er
Than ever."
It's better this way.
Last time, I had a teensy bit
Of a problem
With internet withdrawl.
Without this link to codywody,
I'd probably lose my mind!
(Static buzzes)
Oh, internet,
Never leave me!
Chef:
Room service, suckers!
Courtney, zoey and sierra:
(Frightened screams)
Courtney:
What's wrong with you?!
Here's breakfast!
(Snickers)
Thank you, chef!
We've got to win
The next challenge
And get into that spa hotel!
(Gobbling sounds)
True love sure does
Build an appetite!
(Gobbling voraciously)
Scott:
Oh, I am diggin' this.
I can't wait to be
A millionaire!
I got up at a.m.
This morning
To watch the releasing
Of the doves,
And I'm just gonna
Say it,
(Emotional)
It was beautiful!
Yeah, this is the life!
And if we keep winning
Challenges
We can live like kings
All season.
To villainy!
(Clink)
Yeah...
(Groans) villainy.
'Sup with you,
Dollface?
What?
Oh, uh, nothing.
Just, uh, you know, um,
Wondering how lightning's doing
On boney island?
(Loud thunderclap)
Ha-ha! Fish!
You've been struck
By lightning!
(Bird squawks)
Lightning:
Oh no you don't!
(Straining grunts)
(Bird squawks)
Woo!
(Gulps)
(Stomach gurgles)
Sha-dang!
This fishy is swimmin'
Back upstream!
(Stifles vomit)
(Vomiting)
Jo:
I just hope lightning doesn't
Find the invincibility statue.
If we don't vote him off soon,
He'll be too strong
For us to b*at later!
So maybe we should do it
Right away -
Throw the next challenge.
Pffft!
And give up all this?
No way!
True 'nough.
This is sweet!
You know what I slept on
Last night?
A pillow!
Filled with feathers!
Back on the farm,
It's a burlap sack
Filled with small animals.
You ever had a pillow
Bite your face?
Jo:
I'd like to enjoy
My breakfast now
And that will require you
To stop talking.
Heather:
Quit hogging the masseuse!
Alejandro:
(Sighs) I'm sure her hands
Are magical,
If only I could feel them.
Seriously?
Your legs are still asleep?
I don't know
If they'll ever wake up!
I was squashed
Into that robot suit
For an entire year.
Which you'd've known
Had you ever texted!
It's not like
You ever texted me!
Are you getting
Your eyebrows waxed?
Wow.
They call it manscaping
Because it is very manly.
And I didn't text you
Because I was trapped
In a robot suit!
Heather:
Well... (Huffs)
Whatever!
Alejandro:
(Pained scream)
Puh-lease!
This "my legs don't work" thing
Is obviously bogus.
He just wants sympathy,
But news flash!
I am not falling for him.
It.
Not falling for it.
I've never found heather
To be more radiant.
Her glossy locks,
Her perma-frown,
The way the hair
On her upper lip
Catches the light
When she yells at me.
Keep in mind, I was in
A robot suit for a year.
Chris:
Attention, campers:
It's challenge time!
Get your heinies
Down to the beach pronto!
Shall I fetch
The baby carriage?
Show-off!
Chris:
Ooh, somebody's invisible!
(Laughs) harsh!
Tv couples:
Is it ever a good idea?
(Boat whirs,
Horn honks)
Any luck finding
The invincibility statue?
No need.
I am an invincibility
Statue!
He is so arrogant.
I might understand it
If he had this face,
But he does not have
This face.
Arrogant?!
Be fair now, look at me.
Sha-yeah!
Bonjour, mes campers.
Some of you will recall
Our season three parisian
"Find and build a sculpture"
Debacle.
Well, this time,
Our interns have buried
D puzzle pieces
All over the beach -
Seven pieces per team.
Find all your pieces
And assemble them
On your platform
To recreate one of the landmarks
Visited on our world tour.
First to finish wins.
Sam? You okay?
(Groans)
I'm feeling woozy.
Kind-kinda drained a little,
A lot.
(Groans)
Not sure why.
Since the villainous vultures
Won the first challenge,
They get to dig with shovels.
Incoming!
(Whipping through air)
Heather:
Aaggghhhh!
Gwen:
Aggghhhh!
Sha-yoink!
Um, shovel please?!
Nuh-unh!
I need both.
When this one gets tired,
I'll use this one!
(Hard metallic clang)
(Lightning thuds in the sand)
Sam:
Hey, where are our shov-
Aggghhhhhhh!
(Groans and screams)
Chris:
And getting on and off
Your platforms
Will be challenging
Due to the moats...
(Sand explodes)
That are filled with...
Sam:
Agghhh! Crustaceans!
(Screams in pain)
(Laughs)
I don't know why,
But it gets funnier
Every time.
Lightning:
No big thing
For light-o-ning!
Sha-bam! Agh!
(Screams in pain)
Chris:
And you might wanna watch out
For booby traps in the sand.
Mike:
What are we supposed
To dig with?
Sorry,
Shovels are for winners only.
(Laughs)
I guess you'll have to use
Your hands.
Your challenge starts... Now!
(Air-horn blasts)
Zoey:
We should divide our area
Into sections
And each dig in one.
Courtney:
No. Let's separate the beach
Into quadrants
And each pick a quadrant.
Cameron:
That's exactly what zoey said.
Courtney:
Then, good,
We'll use the plan that zoey
And I came up with!
Zoey:
Go, team!
Mike, sam, cameron and sierra:
Go, team!
Courtney:
(Irritated growl)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Can we start digging now?
What's with the love-in?
Hello?!
It's called "total drama,"
Not "total friendship."
Strategy, people!
Stra-te-gy!
We should start from one end
And dig to the other one
In a straight line!
And what if the pieces
Are all at the far end?
Huh?! Huh?!
We need two lines
That push in towards the centre.
Right, guys?
Lightning:
Ain't nobody telling lightning
Where to dig!
I'm my own man!
(Water splashes)
Sometimes when my tummy's empty,
My mind ain't full.
Stupid boney island fish!
(Gags)
Ugh! I can't believe
Lightning made it
To last season's finale.
Does he ever sha-shut up?
(Vomiting)
(Frantic panting)
Weee!
(Beeping)
Cameron: agghhhh!
Chris: ewww!
Chef's dirty laundry.
Cameron: blech!
Chris: prett-ay stink-ay.
Cameron:
(Gasps) here.
We could use
Some of manitoba smith's
Treasure-hunting skills
Right about now.
Mike:
(Inhales deeply)
(Mike's arms
b*at like rotors)
(Ground rumbles)
(Australian accent)
G'day, beauty!
(Grunts)
Zoey:
(Panting forcefully)
(Exhausted pant)
Whew!
Looks like
The real treasure
Is right here
Beside me.
(Chuckles)
Wink, wink.
Heather:
Fine! We'll work in
A circular motion
Towards the center.
Jo:
No! Start with the corners,
Then move to the center
And zigzag.
(Sighs)
Some team.
Heather:
Exactly! A team without a leader
Is like a horse without a head;
It just runs around blind.
I'm pretty sure
A horse without a head
Doesn't run anywhere.
Agreed!
Which is why I should be
This team's leader.
No, I should!
Let's let
The team decide!
Fine!
Jo: come here, scott!
Heather: lightning!
Jo: scott!
Heather: (whistles)
(Frustrated grunt)
I give up! Whoa!
I hope you know that
I appreciate your efforts.
You are as wise
As your skin is translucent.
I know he's evil,
But oof... Those eyes!
(Vomiting)
Attention, team!
I am your leader!
Heather:
No, I am!
(Metallic clank)
I found a piece!
(Shovelling)
(Grunts of effort)
Jo:
You'd never have found it
Without me.
Heather and jo:
(Struggling grunts)
Aaggghhhh!
Heather:
Oops! Sorry.
Agghhh! Ouch!
Ouch! Ouch!
Chris:
Two booby traps,
Two puzzle pieces,
And two deliciously evil moats.
It's still anyone's game,
But it won't be for long,
Right here on...
Total... Drama... All-stars!
An hour has passed
And the teams are still tied
At one all.
Which raises
A pertinent question:
(Yelling)
What is taking so long?!
Teams: (griping)
It's hot! We don't have shovels!
I have sand in my shorts!
Lightning:
I'm amazing!
Chris:
Blah, blah, blah,
Whine whine!
Hurry up,
I have dinner plans!
Cameron:
Whooaaaaaaaaa!
Scott:
(Laughing)
Ungh!
Cameron:
Agh!
Huh?
All right!
Chris:
And that's two
For the villains.
(Grunt of effort)
That's all right,
Sweetheart,
Don't strain yourself.
Allow me.
Well, if you insist.
Mike:
Whoa!
Courtney:
Agh! Oof!
(Pained cries)
Yes! Got one!
Duncan:
Way to go gwe- ack!
Gwen:
(Laughs)
Jo:
Ha! Finally!
(Straining grunt)
Ha!
Lightning:
Lightning to the rescue!
Way to go me!
Hey! Come back here
With that!
Check it out, guys,
I found- hmph!
(High-pitched tone)
Another one.
Nuts?
Ha! Too small for lightning!
Jo:
Agh! (Muttering)
Stupid... Darn it...
Mike:
Another?! Ha!
It's like taking vegemite
From a 'roo.
I could show you how
Sometime.
Uh, no thanks.
Uh, with mike, maybe.
(Australian accent)
Ah, she's a loyal one.
(Chuckles)
Mike knows how to pick 'em!
(Low rumbling,
Water bursts)
Aren't you beautiful!
Muah!
Look at gorgeous you!
Muah!
Sexy beast!
Mmm!
(Nonchalant whistling)
(Metallic clank)
Scott:
(Evil snicker)
Mike:
What're you up to,
Kookaburra?
Whatever do you mean?
Ha! Nice try,
You wily dingo!
(Trap clicks,
Bees buzz)
Scott:
Bees! Bees!
(Hard whack,
Loud boom)
Zoey:
Mike? Mike?!
Mike!
Svetlana:
Go with the fishing!
Vito:
Eh-yo, it's go fish,
Not fishing!
Chester:
Oh, that can't be good!
Manitoba:
Hey, do you feel that?
The malevolent one,
He's comin'!
Svetlana:
(Shrieks)
(Rumbling,
Flames whoosh)
Zoey:
Mike! Oh, please be okay!
Mike!
(As himself)
Oh, my head.
Zoey:
No, stop!
You need to rest.
Mike:
I'm okay.
Come on,
We gotta get back to digging.
Scott:
Bees!
Huh. Weird.
I can't find manitoba.
A-ha!
I knew he was faking it!
Oh.
(Claws snap)
(Yawns)
Jo:
Hey, leggy mclatin,
Nice accessory!
(Clunk)
His legs are really asleep?
Great.
Now I feel awful.
It took all I had
To hold in that scream
'Til no one was looking.
(Muffled screams)
Cha-cha-cha!
Surrrrprise!
(Grunts of effort)
Sierra?
What are you doing?
You're like feet deep!
Sierra:
Guess I got carried away.
I was pretending
That I was digging for cody!
(Grunts)
How many pieces do we have now?
Cameron:
I don't know,
Maybe we should-
Agghhh! Oof!
We've got six
Out of seven pieces!
Zoey:
You guys start working
On the puzzle,
We'll keep digging!
Sam:
(Panting) yeah,
Good plan.
Just gotta catch my breath.
Aaggghhhh!
(Loud clang)
When we did
Our safety test,
Thate boat wasn't there.
As if we test
These things!
Both:
(Laugh)
Ow! Jellyfish!
It stung my butt!
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
Mike and vultures:
(Laugh)
(Laughing)
(Laughing)
How can you laugh?
'Cause the only cure
For a jellyfish sting
Is to pee on it!
Sam:
(Screaming)
(Splash)
(Water bubbles)
(Relieved sigh)
Zoey:
Ew!
Well no one else
Was gonna pee on me.
(Laughs) huh.
That is a weird sentence.
Cameron:
A book. A crown.
What the heck
Are we supposed to be building?
Wait, I got it!
These pieces make
The statue of liberty!
That's seven!
Let's start sha-building!
(Footsteps patter through sand)
(Leaping grunt)
Alejandro: (pants)
Jo: comin' through!
Scott: woo-hoo!
Gwen: sorry, alejandro.
Heather:
Keep still!
Duncan:
Thanks, buddy.
(Laughs)
(Weakened groan)
Ungh!
Come on, people,
Put this thing together already!
Alejandro:
Try those two together.
No, those two!
Lightning:
Lightning finds
The final piece!
I'm a hero!
It's probably a statue of me
Bein' me!
Gwen:
It's tall, whatever it is,
And boxy, like a tower.
Oh, big ben!
Zoey:
One piece to go!
It has to be
In sam's quadrant!
Sam:
Sorry, guys,
I'm moving as fast as I can.
Cameron:
All we need is the torch!
Hurry!
Heather:
What's with the big hole?
Gwen:
Maybe we put it together wrong?
Oh, come on,
Just get it sha-done!
(Crab claws snap,
Pieces crash)
Jo:
Ugh! Way to go, liability.
Lightning:
Hey, it's not my fault
You put it together wrong!
We didn't put it together wrong!
There are only six pieces!
Jo:
Great! So lightning miscounted!
Come on, everyone,
We've still got digging to do.
I counted seven!
This is a conspiracy!
Heather:
Yeah, a conspiracy
Of bad counting!
Jo:
Oh yeah!
Mike and zoey:
(Straining grunts)
Zoey:
The torch!
Hamsters:
Yeah! Come on! Go! Hurry!
You can do it! Go!
(Cheering)
Yes! Eeee! Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Chris:
The heroic hamsters win!
Vultures:
(Groaning)
Zoey and mike: yeah!
Sam: yay!
Courtney and sierra:
Spa hotel! Spa hotel!
Chris:
Ahem...
I do require a volunteer
For exile duty.
This one's on me, guys,
To make up for my lack
Of digging skills and- agghhh!
(Boat engine starts,
Rumbles off)
Gwen:
Hey, courtney, I just wanted
To say congrats on the-
(Boing)
Whoa!
(Thwap,
Objects clatter)
Gwen: (horrified gasp)
Courtney: (coughing)
Ewww!
(Coughs)
(Clapping)
Gwen:
That was an accident!
I didn't mean to-
Chris:
Gwen, gwen, gwen.
So evil.
You are definitely
On the right team!
Chris:
Welcome, hamsters.
Sit back,
Enjoy the show.
Vultures, it's time for you
To vote off your first villain.
One by one,
They will all fall.
Huh?
Did you say something, mike?
Mike:
(Deep inhale)
Uh, no, just sitting here.
Lightning cost us
The challenge,
But jo's annoying.
Tough call.
(Huffs, upset)
I don't know who to vote for!
They're all evil!
Chris:
The following players are safe
For another day:
Duncan, gwen,
Scott, alejandro,
And heather.
Lightning,
You're on the chopping block
For your crummy math skills
And incessant bicep kissing.
If they were yours,
You'd do it too.
Muah! Muah!
Chris:
And, jo, you're on the block
For your annoyingly
Pushy campaign
To send lightning home.
Lightning:
You did what?!
Chris:
And tonight's loser is...
(Kissing)
Chris:
Lightning!
Sha-what?!
Lightning:
Tossing away
Your strongest team member?!
You're gonna regret this,
'Specially you, jo!
You're a total sha-
Aaggghhhhhhh!
Family show, people,
Family show.
Who else is in line
For a porcelain goodbye?
Find out next time on...
Total... Drama... All-stars!
Last time on "total drama":
I welcomed the all-stars
To the newly decontaminated
Island.
Then it was heroes
Versus villains,
Diving into
Shark-infested waters
In search of the one key
That would unlock the door
To the all new maclean
Spa hotel
For winners only.
Thanks to scott's
Cowardly fear of sharks,
We learned that
Inside every robot
Beats the heart
Of a spaniard.
In this case, alejandro.
And while alejandro
Might not hold the key
To heather's heart anymore,
He did hold the key
To the spa hotel
And victory
For the villainous vultures!
And the heroic hamsters
Bid farewell to lindsay
Via our newest
And most humiliating commode
Of transportation:
The flush of shame.
Who will be next
To pop through the pooper?
Find out right now on...
Total drama all-stars!
♪♪
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be
♪ I wanna be famous
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be
♪ I wanna be famous
(Whistling chorus)
(Camera shutter snaps)
Mike as chester:
There's a storm a comin',
Dagnabit!
Mike as svetlana:
(Inhales deeply)
I'm scared!
After all these years,
He's goin'k to return!
Mike as vito:
(Inhales) hey, oh,
How we gonna stop this goombah?
Mike as manitoba:
(Inhales) hush it, mates,
Mike is waking up!
(As himself)
Huh? Huh? What's that?
You guys say something?
(Snoring)
(Mosquito buzzes,
Slurps and glugs blood)
Sam:
(Groans)
(Glass shatters, blood sloshes,
Mosquito buzzes)
Ahhh! What the heck?!
Zoey:
Courtney? What's wrong?
Courtney:
What's wrong is that
We're sharing a cabin
With a superfan
With a bad case of crazy!
Sierra:
(Giggles)
Hey, courtney!
I've updated
The "sleeping" section
Of your picture gallery
On my fan site!
Weeee!
I hate to break chris's rules
About smuggling in special items
Like my cell phone,
But I have to keep
My td blogs current!
"Zoey's even sweeter
Than she is on tv.
Courtney is even courtney-er
Than ever."
It's better this way.
Last time, I had a teensy bit
Of a problem
With internet withdrawl.
Without this link to codywody,
I'd probably lose my mind!
(Static buzzes)
Oh, internet,
Never leave me!
Chef:
Room service, suckers!
Courtney, zoey and sierra:
(Frightened screams)
Courtney:
What's wrong with you?!
Here's breakfast!
(Snickers)
Thank you, chef!
We've got to win
The next challenge
And get into that spa hotel!
(Gobbling sounds)
True love sure does
Build an appetite!
(Gobbling voraciously)
Scott:
Oh, I am diggin' this.
I can't wait to be
A millionaire!
I got up at a.m.
This morning
To watch the releasing
Of the doves,
And I'm just gonna
Say it,
(Emotional)
It was beautiful!
Yeah, this is the life!
And if we keep winning
Challenges
We can live like kings
All season.
To villainy!
(Clink)
Yeah...
(Groans) villainy.
'Sup with you,
Dollface?
What?
Oh, uh, nothing.
Just, uh, you know, um,
Wondering how lightning's doing
On boney island?
(Loud thunderclap)
Ha-ha! Fish!
You've been struck
By lightning!
(Bird squawks)
Lightning:
Oh no you don't!
(Straining grunts)
(Bird squawks)
Woo!
(Gulps)
(Stomach gurgles)
Sha-dang!
This fishy is swimmin'
Back upstream!
(Stifles vomit)
(Vomiting)
Jo:
I just hope lightning doesn't
Find the invincibility statue.
If we don't vote him off soon,
He'll be too strong
For us to b*at later!
So maybe we should do it
Right away -
Throw the next challenge.
Pffft!
And give up all this?
No way!
True 'nough.
This is sweet!
You know what I slept on
Last night?
A pillow!
Filled with feathers!
Back on the farm,
It's a burlap sack
Filled with small animals.
You ever had a pillow
Bite your face?
Jo:
I'd like to enjoy
My breakfast now
And that will require you
To stop talking.
Heather:
Quit hogging the masseuse!
Alejandro:
(Sighs) I'm sure her hands
Are magical,
If only I could feel them.
Seriously?
Your legs are still asleep?
I don't know
If they'll ever wake up!
I was squashed
Into that robot suit
For an entire year.
Which you'd've known
Had you ever texted!
It's not like
You ever texted me!
Are you getting
Your eyebrows waxed?
Wow.
They call it manscaping
Because it is very manly.
And I didn't text you
Because I was trapped
In a robot suit!
Heather:
Well... (Huffs)
Whatever!
Alejandro:
(Pained scream)
Puh-lease!
This "my legs don't work" thing
Is obviously bogus.
He just wants sympathy,
But news flash!
I am not falling for him.
It.
Not falling for it.
I've never found heather
To be more radiant.
Her glossy locks,
Her perma-frown,
The way the hair
On her upper lip
Catches the light
When she yells at me.
Keep in mind, I was in
A robot suit for a year.
Chris:
Attention, campers:
It's challenge time!
Get your heinies
Down to the beach pronto!
Shall I fetch
The baby carriage?
Show-off!
Chris:
Ooh, somebody's invisible!
(Laughs) harsh!
Tv couples:
Is it ever a good idea?
(Boat whirs,
Horn honks)
Any luck finding
The invincibility statue?
No need.
I am an invincibility
Statue!
He is so arrogant.
I might understand it
If he had this face,
But he does not have
This face.
Arrogant?!
Be fair now, look at me.
Sha-yeah!
Bonjour, mes campers.
Some of you will recall
Our season three parisian
"Find and build a sculpture"
Debacle.
Well, this time,
Our interns have buried
D puzzle pieces
All over the beach -
Seven pieces per team.
Find all your pieces
And assemble them
On your platform
To recreate one of the landmarks
Visited on our world tour.
First to finish wins.
Sam? You okay?
(Groans)
I'm feeling woozy.
Kind-kinda drained a little,
A lot.
(Groans)
Not sure why.
Since the villainous vultures
Won the first challenge,
They get to dig with shovels.
Incoming!
(Whipping through air)
Heather:
Aaggghhhh!
Gwen:
Aggghhhh!
Sha-yoink!
Um, shovel please?!
Nuh-unh!
I need both.
When this one gets tired,
I'll use this one!
(Hard metallic clang)
(Lightning thuds in the sand)
Sam:
Hey, where are our shov-
Aggghhhhhhh!
(Groans and screams)
Chris:
And getting on and off
Your platforms
Will be challenging
Due to the moats...
(Sand explodes)
That are filled with...
Sam:
Agghhh! Crustaceans!
(Screams in pain)
(Laughs)
I don't know why,
But it gets funnier
Every time.
Lightning:
No big thing
For light-o-ning!
Sha-bam! Agh!
(Screams in pain)
Chris:
And you might wanna watch out
For booby traps in the sand.
Mike:
What are we supposed
To dig with?
Sorry,
Shovels are for winners only.
(Laughs)
I guess you'll have to use
Your hands.
Your challenge starts... Now!
(Air-horn blasts)
Zoey:
We should divide our area
Into sections
And each dig in one.
Courtney:
No. Let's separate the beach
Into quadrants
And each pick a quadrant.
Cameron:
That's exactly what zoey said.
Courtney:
Then, good,
We'll use the plan that zoey
And I came up with!
Zoey:
Go, team!
Mike, sam, cameron and sierra:
Go, team!
Courtney:
(Irritated growl)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Can we start digging now?
What's with the love-in?
Hello?!
It's called "total drama,"
Not "total friendship."
Strategy, people!
Stra-te-gy!
We should start from one end
And dig to the other one
In a straight line!
And what if the pieces
Are all at the far end?
Huh?! Huh?!
We need two lines
That push in towards the centre.
Right, guys?
Lightning:
Ain't nobody telling lightning
Where to dig!
I'm my own man!
(Water splashes)
Sometimes when my tummy's empty,
My mind ain't full.
Stupid boney island fish!
(Gags)
Ugh! I can't believe
Lightning made it
To last season's finale.
Does he ever sha-shut up?
(Vomiting)
(Frantic panting)
Weee!
(Beeping)
Cameron: agghhhh!
Chris: ewww!
Chef's dirty laundry.
Cameron: blech!
Chris: prett-ay stink-ay.
Cameron:
(Gasps) here.
We could use
Some of manitoba smith's
Treasure-hunting skills
Right about now.
Mike:
(Inhales deeply)
(Mike's arms
b*at like rotors)
(Ground rumbles)
(Australian accent)
G'day, beauty!
(Grunts)
Zoey:
(Panting forcefully)
(Exhausted pant)
Whew!
Looks like
The real treasure
Is right here
Beside me.
(Chuckles)
Wink, wink.
Heather:
Fine! We'll work in
A circular motion
Towards the center.
Jo:
No! Start with the corners,
Then move to the center
And zigzag.
(Sighs)
Some team.
Heather:
Exactly! A team without a leader
Is like a horse without a head;
It just runs around blind.
I'm pretty sure
A horse without a head
Doesn't run anywhere.
Agreed!
Which is why I should be
This team's leader.
No, I should!
Let's let
The team decide!
Fine!
Jo: come here, scott!
Heather: lightning!
Jo: scott!
Heather: (whistles)
(Frustrated grunt)
I give up! Whoa!
I hope you know that
I appreciate your efforts.
You are as wise
As your skin is translucent.
I know he's evil,
But oof... Those eyes!
(Vomiting)
Attention, team!
I am your leader!
Heather:
No, I am!
(Metallic clank)
I found a piece!
(Shovelling)
(Grunts of effort)
Jo:
You'd never have found it
Without me.
Heather and jo:
(Struggling grunts)
Aaggghhhh!
Heather:
Oops! Sorry.
Agghhh! Ouch!
Ouch! Ouch!
Chris:
Two booby traps,
Two puzzle pieces,
And two deliciously evil moats.
It's still anyone's game,
But it won't be for long,
Right here on...
Total... Drama... All-stars!
An hour has passed
And the teams are still tied
At one all.
Which raises
A pertinent question:
(Yelling)
What is taking so long?!
Teams: (griping)
It's hot! We don't have shovels!
I have sand in my shorts!
Lightning:
I'm amazing!
Chris:
Blah, blah, blah,
Whine whine!
Hurry up,
I have dinner plans!
Cameron:
Whooaaaaaaaaa!
Scott:
(Laughing)
Ungh!
Cameron:
Agh!
Huh?
All right!
Chris:
And that's two
For the villains.
(Grunt of effort)
That's all right,
Sweetheart,
Don't strain yourself.
Allow me.
Well, if you insist.
Mike:
Whoa!
Courtney:
Agh! Oof!
(Pained cries)
Yes! Got one!
Duncan:
Way to go gwe- ack!
Gwen:
(Laughs)
Jo:
Ha! Finally!
(Straining grunt)
Ha!
Lightning:
Lightning to the rescue!
Way to go me!
Hey! Come back here
With that!
Check it out, guys,
I found- hmph!
(High-pitched tone)
Another one.
Nuts?
Ha! Too small for lightning!
Jo:
Agh! (Muttering)
Stupid... Darn it...
Mike:
Another?! Ha!
It's like taking vegemite
From a 'roo.
I could show you how
Sometime.
Uh, no thanks.
Uh, with mike, maybe.
(Australian accent)
Ah, she's a loyal one.
(Chuckles)
Mike knows how to pick 'em!
(Low rumbling,
Water bursts)
Aren't you beautiful!
Muah!
Look at gorgeous you!
Muah!
Sexy beast!
Mmm!
(Nonchalant whistling)
(Metallic clank)
Scott:
(Evil snicker)
Mike:
What're you up to,
Kookaburra?
Whatever do you mean?
Ha! Nice try,
You wily dingo!
(Trap clicks,
Bees buzz)
Scott:
Bees! Bees!
(Hard whack,
Loud boom)
Zoey:
Mike? Mike?!
Mike!
Svetlana:
Go with the fishing!
Vito:
Eh-yo, it's go fish,
Not fishing!
Chester:
Oh, that can't be good!
Manitoba:
Hey, do you feel that?
The malevolent one,
He's comin'!
Svetlana:
(Shrieks)
(Rumbling,
Flames whoosh)
Zoey:
Mike! Oh, please be okay!
Mike!
(As himself)
Oh, my head.
Zoey:
No, stop!
You need to rest.
Mike:
I'm okay.
Come on,
We gotta get back to digging.
Scott:
Bees!
Huh. Weird.
I can't find manitoba.
A-ha!
I knew he was faking it!
Oh.
(Claws snap)
(Yawns)
Jo:
Hey, leggy mclatin,
Nice accessory!
(Clunk)
His legs are really asleep?
Great.
Now I feel awful.
It took all I had
To hold in that scream
'Til no one was looking.
(Muffled screams)
Cha-cha-cha!
Surrrrprise!
(Grunts of effort)
Sierra?
What are you doing?
You're like feet deep!
Sierra:
Guess I got carried away.
I was pretending
That I was digging for cody!
(Grunts)
How many pieces do we have now?
Cameron:
I don't know,
Maybe we should-
Agghhh! Oof!
We've got six
Out of seven pieces!
Zoey:
You guys start working
On the puzzle,
We'll keep digging!
Sam:
(Panting) yeah,
Good plan.
Just gotta catch my breath.
Aaggghhhh!
(Loud clang)
When we did
Our safety test,
Thate boat wasn't there.
As if we test
These things!
Both:
(Laugh)
Ow! Jellyfish!
It stung my butt!
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
Mike and vultures:
(Laugh)
(Laughing)
(Laughing)
How can you laugh?
'Cause the only cure
For a jellyfish sting
Is to pee on it!
Sam:
(Screaming)
(Splash)
(Water bubbles)
(Relieved sigh)
Zoey:
Ew!
Well no one else
Was gonna pee on me.
(Laughs) huh.
That is a weird sentence.
Cameron:
A book. A crown.
What the heck
Are we supposed to be building?
Wait, I got it!
These pieces make
The statue of liberty!
That's seven!
Let's start sha-building!
(Footsteps patter through sand)
(Leaping grunt)
Alejandro: (pants)
Jo: comin' through!
Scott: woo-hoo!
Gwen: sorry, alejandro.
Heather:
Keep still!
Duncan:
Thanks, buddy.
(Laughs)
(Weakened groan)
Ungh!
Come on, people,
Put this thing together already!
Alejandro:
Try those two together.
No, those two!
Lightning:
Lightning finds
The final piece!
I'm a hero!
It's probably a statue of me
Bein' me!
Gwen:
It's tall, whatever it is,
And boxy, like a tower.
Oh, big ben!
Zoey:
One piece to go!
It has to be
In sam's quadrant!
Sam:
Sorry, guys,
I'm moving as fast as I can.
Cameron:
All we need is the torch!
Hurry!
Heather:
What's with the big hole?
Gwen:
Maybe we put it together wrong?
Oh, come on,
Just get it sha-done!
(Crab claws snap,
Pieces crash)
Jo:
Ugh! Way to go, liability.
Lightning:
Hey, it's not my fault
You put it together wrong!
We didn't put it together wrong!
There are only six pieces!
Jo:
Great! So lightning miscounted!
Come on, everyone,
We've still got digging to do.
I counted seven!
This is a conspiracy!
Heather:
Yeah, a conspiracy
Of bad counting!
Jo:
Oh yeah!
Mike and zoey:
(Straining grunts)
Zoey:
The torch!
Hamsters:
Yeah! Come on! Go! Hurry!
You can do it! Go!
(Cheering)
Yes! Eeee! Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Chris:
The heroic hamsters win!
Vultures:
(Groaning)
Zoey and mike: yeah!
Sam: yay!
Courtney and sierra:
Spa hotel! Spa hotel!
Chris:
Ahem...
I do require a volunteer
For exile duty.
This one's on me, guys,
To make up for my lack
Of digging skills and- agghhh!
(Boat engine starts,
Rumbles off)
Gwen:
Hey, courtney, I just wanted
To say congrats on the-
(Boing)
Whoa!
(Thwap,
Objects clatter)
Gwen: (horrified gasp)
Courtney: (coughing)
Ewww!
(Coughs)
(Clapping)
Gwen:
That was an accident!
I didn't mean to-
Chris:
Gwen, gwen, gwen.
So evil.
You are definitely
On the right team!
Chris:
Welcome, hamsters.
Sit back,
Enjoy the show.
Vultures, it's time for you
To vote off your first villain.
One by one,
They will all fall.
Huh?
Did you say something, mike?
Mike:
(Deep inhale)
Uh, no, just sitting here.
Lightning cost us
The challenge,
But jo's annoying.
Tough call.
(Huffs, upset)
I don't know who to vote for!
They're all evil!
Chris:
The following players are safe
For another day:
Duncan, gwen,
Scott, alejandro,
And heather.
Lightning,
You're on the chopping block
For your crummy math skills
And incessant bicep kissing.
If they were yours,
You'd do it too.
Muah! Muah!
Chris:
And, jo, you're on the block
For your annoyingly
Pushy campaign
To send lightning home.
Lightning:
You did what?!
Chris:
And tonight's loser is...
(Kissing)
Chris:
Lightning!
Sha-what?!
Lightning:
Tossing away
Your strongest team member?!
You're gonna regret this,
'Specially you, jo!
You're a total sha-
Aaggghhhhhhh!
Family show, people,
Family show.
Who else is in line
For a porcelain goodbye?
Find out next time on...
Total... Drama... All-stars!