05x05 - Moon Madness

[bunniefuu]

Chris:

Last time

On "total drama all-stars":

After swapping teams,

Courtney and duncan

Were stuck living

With the enemy. (Laughs)

But while courtney was given

The cold shoulder

By every villain

Except scott,

Duncan got a heroes' welcome

So warm,

It made him question

His own bad-boyhood.

At challenge time,

Giant pancakes

Were gobbled down,

And, in a few cases,

Thrown right back up

Thanks to a barf-tacular

Obstacle course.

(Chuckles)

Way to re-swallow, bro.

The heroes finished first,

But an uneaten chunk o' cake

In sam's pocket

Sent the heroes to loserville,

And sam took a particularly

Awkward flush o' shame.

Only players remain.

Which one of them is gonna take

A circle-y swim

In the big porcelain bowl?

Find out right here,

Right now,

On total... Drama... All-stars!

♪♪

♪ I wanna be,

I wanna be

♪ I wanna be famous

♪ I wanna be,

I wanna be

♪ I wanna be famous

(Whistling chorus)

(Camera snaps)

Duncan:

(Spits and coughs)

Cameron:

This slop is like dirt gravy.

Which, technically,

Would be mud, but-

Whoa! Oof!

Mike:

Wow, cam, you okay?

Here ya go, buddy.

Cameron:

Oh boy...

Zoey:

(Gasps)

I can't believe

What I just saw!

Or have just seen.

No, saw.

Either way,

I can't believe it!

(Deep inhale)

Why would mike do that

To cameron?

They're friends!

Did mike break sam's gameguy,

Too?

And sierra's smartphone?

But why?

Look at my hand!

It looks so weird

Without my phone!

And without my phone,

Do I even exist?

And if I can't talk to him,

Does cody exist?

Sierra:

Zoey? Can you see me?

Am I here?

(Screams)

Ow! What was that for?

I thought

You couldn't see me!

What?!

I thought I was invisible.

Thanks, zoey.

Zoey:

What?

(Whistling sound)

Do you have to whistle

Through your nose

While you eat,

Windy?

Alejandro:

(Sighs) typical heather.

(Shocked gasp)

"Typical heather?"

He calls that a comeback?

It's like he's not even trying!

It's like he's lost

Interest in me.

No one has ever

Lost interest in me!

To get the upper hand,

I must throw heather

Off her game.

And so far, so bueno!

Muy bueno!

Courtney:

(Sighs) I feel like

I'm missing something.

But what?

What could it possibly be-

(Bird's chirp sounds

Like scott's laughter)

(Gasps)

Scott!

I actually miss

That scuzzball!

I wonder how he's doing

On boney island?

Scott:

Yoo-hoo!

Invincibility statue,

Come to poppa!

(Bushes rustle)

(Bear roars,

Scott screams)

Hey! What the-?!

(Rotors b*at)

Ha! Later, sucker!

Oh! Eugh! Agh! Oh! Agh!

Chris:

Evening, campers!

Gather 'round the starting line

For a big announcement!

(Helicopter rotors b*at)

Scott:

Agggghhhhh! Ungh!

(Groans weakly)

Courtney:

Oh my gosh!

Are you okay?

Scott:

Huh. Why wouldn't I be?

That was nothing.

(Groans and grunts,

Bones cr*ck)

Well, good.

Because we have a challenge

To win.

Get it together!

Ah... Yes, ma'am!

Maybe it's 'cause pappy's

In the army

And mawmaw's a waitress,

But I kinda like

Taking orders.

My only interest in scott

Is as an ally.

Really!

Sure, he's cute,

But in a sloppy,

Rustic sort of way.

Like a shack

With nice curtains...

Or a donkey wearing a wig.

Chris:

Good news, you guys!

As a special treat,

It's time for an extremely

Dangerous nighttime challenge!

How is this "good news"?

Entertainment value,

Hello!

This one is gonna be

Ratings gold!

In a nod to season 's

"Buried treasure" fiasco,

Your challenge is to race

To the far end of the island.

First team to get every member

Across the finish line wins,

And someone from

The losing team

Will be taking the big flush.

Duncan:

Sounds easy enough.

Chris:

It does, doesn't it?

But tonight's full moon

Is an extremely rare

Blue harvest moon,

And let's just say

It has an unusual effect

On the island's animals.

(Laughs)

Villainous vultures,

You won the last challenge,

So you get this map

With the fastest route

Across the island.

Heroic chump-sters,

You get to wear nifty bacon hats

And sausage tails,

Which should add to the fun

When you come face to fang

With the island's

Friendly creatures.

And by "friendly"

I mean "hungry."

(Mischievous chuckle)

If the villains have a map

Of the quickest route...

We should follow them!

Great idea, mike!

Zoey:

(Indescernible whisper)

Cameron:

He did what?!

(Sighs heavily)

Heather:

This will be a piece of cake.

On your mark...

(Sighs heavily)

You mean "a piece of pie."

Chris: get set!

Heather: listen, you...

(Air horn blasts)

Gwen: woo-hoo!

Scott: yeah!

Cameron:

Mike, why'd you break

My glasses?

What? I didn't!

Who told you that?

Zoey made me promise

Not to say she saw you do it.

Oops! Sorry, zoey!

Mike:

Seriously?

Aw, man!

I don't know what's been up

With me lately.

I haven't been able to summon

My other personalities

For days.

And now I think

I might be sleepwalking

And breaking things and...

(Remorseful sigh)

I'm so sorry, cam.

It's okay, mike.

I forgive you.

And I promise I'll help you

Figure it out,

Whatever it is.

Ungh!

You're a great friend, cam.

Uh, cam?

Don't worry, cody!

I'll be your eyes and ears,

And as many nostrils

As you need me to be!

Cameron:

Cody? Uh, you mean cameron,

Right?

Sierra:

Sure! (Giggles)

(Gasps)

You guys, look!

Zoey:

What in the world...?

Cameron:

Blue moonlight?

Extraordinary!

(Deep growling)

(Squirrel growls ferociously,

Loud chomping)

Aggghhhhh!

(Thunderous crash,

Objects clatter)

(Monstrous roar)

(Deep inhale, as mal)

A blue harvest moon...

How fortuitous.

Seems that this

"Blue harvest moon"

Has brought me back.

Now that I'm in control,

I'll torment these peons

A little.

But first,

I have to sound like mike.

(Clears throat,

Speaks like mike)

Hi! I'm a bug-eyed weirdo

And everybody loves me!

(Evil laugh)

Perfect.

Zoey:

What was that, mike?

(Clears throat)

Ah, uh...

Just, you know,

Sweet moon!

Courtney:

Um, since when do gators

Do that?

Alejandro:

This moon is like no other.

It must be causing the animals

To become their opposite!

Wow, alejandro!

You're so smart!

Excuse me?

Heather:

Who's a little

Boojee boojee boo?

You are!

Yes you are!

(Shudders)

I've never seen heather

Be so sweet and kind...

And it is terrifying!

Sierra:

Back off!

Stay away from my cam-codykins!

Cameron: aggghhhh!

Sierra: ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(Growling)

(Roars)

Courtney: (screams)

Gwen: (frightened gasp)

I'm not gonna be taken down

By a g*ng of bunnies.

Aaaggghhhhh!

Help! I'm being taken down

By a g*ng of bunnies!

I wasn't scared

Of those bunnies,

I was surprised.

Totally different.

(Low growl nearby,

Scott shrieks)

Ah, um... I mean...

(Deep, masculine scream)

Uh-oh...

(Growled quacking)

Whoa! That's it,

I'm out!

Cameron:

(Panting)

Mal:

Come on, now's your chance

To get away from sierra!

Cameron:

Won't that hurt her feelings?

(Quacking)

Sierra:

Ow! Ow! I think it's using

Morse code! Ow!

Mal:

She'll be fine.

She's got zoey!

Anyway,

We should make sure

There's no danger

Waiting up ahead.

Cameron:

Well, if you're sure.

Hold on to this stick,

That way we won't

Get separated.

Mal: come on!

Cameron: agghhh!

(Wings b*at rapidly)

(Deep quack)

(Gruff quacking)

Zoey:

Phew! Is everybody okay?

Hey, where are all the guys?

(Gasps)

Cam-codykins!

Scott:

(Screaming)

Alejandro:

Hurry! There's no time to waste!

Scott:

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Hurry up, heather!

You have the map!

Heather:

Yay! Running!

Good work, guys!

We're halfway

To the finish line!

Yippee! This is fun!

Gwen:

Okay...

This is sufficiently weird.

Courtney:

I know.

Why is heather being affected

By the blue harvest moon?

Gwen:

Maybe she's part wolf?

Gwen and courtney:

(Laugh)

(Courtney stops laughing

And clears her throat)

So close.

Cameron:

You've had trouble accessing

Your other personalities

Ever since the beach challenge,

Right?

That's when scott hit you

In the head with the shovel -

Maybe that's the cause!

Wow, cam,

You may just have a point.

Cameron:

Agghhh! Ow!

Whoooaaaaa!

Ungh! (Groans)

Sorry, lost my footing.

Where are you?

Mike?

Where'd you go?

(Bushes rustle)

Mike? Is that you?

(Sniffs)

(Ferocious roar)

Agghhh! Mike? Anybody?

Help!

Chris:

(Laughs)

Who will make it

To the other side of the island

And who's about to become

A serving of teen cuisine?

Stay tuned to find out,

Right here on

Total... Drama... All-stars!

Somebody? Anybody?

Help!

Nice bunnies...

Cameron: agghhh!

Sierra: weee!

Sierra:

Aw, that was close!

Better hitch you up

For safekeeping.

Cameron:

"Hitch me up?"

What does that-

Whoa!

What are you doing?!

Sierra:

Don't worry, I'll never let you

Out of my sight again!

Cameron:

But, but...

Zoey: let's go!

Cameron: never?!

Gwen:

(Scoffs)

A rope bridge?

Obviously it's a trap.

We should go around.

Courtney:

That'll take three times

As long!

Gwen:

Well, I'm not crossing

That thing

And anyone with any brains

Will follow me.

Alejandro:

What if you get lost?

Every member of the team

Must make it

Over the finish line

For us to win.

Heather:

Besides, if you don't

Come with us,

We'll miss you so much!

(Shudders)

If you take that detour,

You'll cost us the game.

(Gasps) that's your plan,

Isn't it? Admit it!

Gwen:

I'll see you

On the other side...

You know,

If you make it.

Heather:

Good luck!

Talk about gullible.

Anyone who's ever seen a movie

Knows that the rope bridge

Always breaks!

Also, I'm pretty sure

Heather has rabies.

Mal:

Who wants to help me

Make someone else

Wet their pants with fear?

Huh?

Duncan:

Hold on a second.

(Coughs and clears throat)

Uh, hey, duncan.

Man am I glad to see you.

I, uh... Got lost.

Yeah, right.

Seriously, dude,

Where do I know you from?

Uh, total drama season ?

Duncan:

No. I know you

From somewhere else.

I just can't put my finger

On it.

Hmm? Yikes!

(Malevolent snicker)

Toodles!

Heather:

Come on, guys!

Nothing to be afraid of!

Alejandro:

Except you.

Maybe someone brave

Should cross it first

And make sure it's safe?

Scott:

I'll do it!

Back home,

We have a special way

To cross these bridges.

(Clears throat)

Aggghhhhhhh!

Aggghhhhhhh!

Like I said,

Nothing to it.

(Beaver chitters)

Scott:

Um...

Are beavers normally nice

Or normally evil?

Ow! Ow! Yow! Gah!

(Rope snaps,

Bridge creaks)

Vultures:

Nooooooo!

Courtney:

Ugh! Not helping!

Scott:

Ow! Yow! Ahhh!

My butt is not a chew toy!

Alejandro:

Good job!

Keep it busy!

Shall we go?

(Creaking)

Courtney:

Whoa...

(Frightened whimpers)

If I don't die on this bridge,

I'm going to k*ll gwen

For taking the long way around

And costing us the challenge!

Heather:

Whoa! (Gasps) oh.

I knew you still cared.

Now who's "typical"?

Sucker!

As if the moon affected me.

But as long as

I keep him guessing,

I'll always have

The upper hand.

How dare she trick me!

I should have let her fall?

Ugh! Estupido!

Scott:

Agh! Ow! Yow! Gah! Ow!

(Beaver growls)

Chomp this, freak!

(Buzzing, rope snaps,

Bridge creaks)

(Boom)

Alejandro:

Now the other team

Can't use the bridge!

Brilliant plan,

Courtney!

Heather:

But if gwen can't make it

Around the pit,

The bridge is no longer

An option, is it?

Alejandro:

She's right.

Terrible plan, courtney!

Courtney:

Whatever! That's gwen's problem.

(Beaver chitters)

If we lose this challenge,

It's totally gwen's fault,

Not mine.

Zoey:

Hey! Where's mike?

Cameron:

He ran off.

I think something scared him.

Where's duncan?

I thought he was with you!

Duncan:

Aggghhhh!

This is so not how I wanna die!

Gwen:

Agghhh! Get away from me,

You little freaks!

Gwen! Heads up!

(Bird squawks,

Squirrels chitter)

(Ferocious growling)

Duncan and gwen:

(Relieved sighs)

Duncan:

So, tell me...

Gwen:

Tell you what?

You know, now that you

And courtney

Are on the same team,

What has she said

About me?

Are you kidding me?

How does such a big ego

Fit inside such a teeny

Tiny brain?

She hasn't said zip

About you! Ugh!

Duncan. You know what's

Most un-cool about him?

How he's still obsessed

With courtney!

That's so un-cool

It burns.

What is her problem?

Of course courtney

Talks about me.

What else does she have

To talk about? Scott?

Ha-ha! She's just using him

To make me jealous.

Well, good luck with that!

Courtney:

Gwen!

(Huffs)

Where is she?

Maybe she's at the finish line

Already?

Zoey:

Ugh! The bridge is out!

How are we supposed

To get across now?

Sierra: hey, mike!

Mal: what? Hey! There you are!

Cameron:

Mike, where'd you go?

Sorry, cam,

A bear chased me away!

But it's okay,

I think I shook him.

But with the weird moon,

Wouldn't a bear

Be all sweet and cuddly?

Right, right. Ha ha!

Oh, I'm an idiot.

I know how

We can cross the pit!

(Laughs giddily)

Oh boy.

You know you're in trouble

When the only person with a plan

Is sierra.

Obviously mike is lying.

What's going on with him?

Zoey:

I don't know about this.

Sierra:

Trust me!

Without my smartphone,

My other senses

Have become heightened.

Just hold on tight

And try not to think about it!

Cameron:

Wait! What are we doing?!

Sierra:

(Giggles)

Something amazing!

(Cam, zoey and mike scream,

Sierra howls like tarzan)

(Hamsters scream)

(Grunts of effort)

Mal and zoey:

(Grunt and scream, fearful)

Chris:

Welcome to the finish line,

Villains.

Seems like you're still

Missing a player.

Courtney:

What?! Gwen's not here yet?

Gwen! Agh!

I knew she'd sabotage us!

(Deer growls angrily)

Courtney:

(Shrieks)

Seriously?!

(Growling)

(Chomps and whimpers)

Courtney:

You... You saved me.

Gwen:

You'd do the same

If our positions were reversed.

Well, of course I would.

No, I wouldn't!

If our positions were reversed,

I'd be one step closer

To a million dollars

And gwen would be deer food!

(Growls, monstrous roar)

Zoey:

Huh. There you are!

Sierra:

We still have a chance!

(Growling)

Alejandro:

Courtney and gwen!

The moon curse is over! Hurry!

Heather:

They know it's over,

They don't need you to narrate,

Blah-lejandro.

She is so rude!

So overbearing!

I'm so relieved.

Mike:

(Gasps)

How did I get here?

Zoey:

Mike, hurry!

Courtney and gwen:

(Pant heavily)

Mike:

Oh.

And the villains win...

Again!

Vultures:

(Cheering)

Hamsters:

(Disappointed groans)

Gwen:

(Sighs)

Wish I was on the heroes team.

Duncan:

Aw, cheer up, gwen.

There.

That should do it.

You think

She was watching?

Gwen:

Agh! I can't do this anymore!

It's over!

W-what just happened?!

(Sighs) I never thought

It would end like this.

When he kissed me on the plane

After the london challenge,

I felt fireworks.

This time, it was like

Being kissed by a shoe.

The thrill is so gone!

Chris:

Okay, peeps.

Each of you is a loser

In your own right,

But the villains

Won the challenge,

So they've earned themselves

Another night

Of luxurious luxury

At my spa hotel.

Scott:

I volunteer for exile

On boney island.

Sure. I don't care.

What? No! Why?

Sorry, babe. I gotta find

That invincibility statue.

(Helicopter rotors b*at)

Courtney:

(Wistful sigh)

Chris:

Okay, people.

Tonight, we-

Cameron: wait!

Chris: now what?

Cameron:

I volunteer

For the flush of shame.

Sierra:

Nooooo!

Cameron, why?

Cameron:

Sorry, mike.

I'd love to help you with your,

Uh, problem,

But I just can't take anymore

Of, you know, this!

Oh, are you allergic

To long grass?

I can get chains instead!

Well, isn't this a perfect way

To introduce

The surprise twist.

Today's ejected hero

Is tomorrow's new villain!

Cameron:

What?!

That's right,

Instead of flushing cameron,

I'm sending him over

To the villains' side!

(Everyone gasps,

Sierra moans)

Chris:

Sorry, sierra.

(Deep inhale,

Evil snicker)

Cameron:

I'll find a way to help you,

Even from the villains' side,

I promise.

Gee. Thanks, pal.

Cameron:

Uh... Hi.

Cameron doesn't know

What he's in for.

None of them do.

If I have my way -

And I will -

Everybody loses.

Seriously,

Gwen can't do what anymore?

What is she talking about?

Chris:

Think they've had enough

Punishment?

Yeah, me neither.

Find out who's next

To take the plunge

When we return

With another all new episode

Of total... Drama...

All-stars!