Chris:
Last time on "total drama,"
We celebrated
Our th episode
With a surprise
Guest appearance
And a kidnapping
Of the host-y kind.
But I stayed strong.
Hey! Who put that there?!
Ahem.
Alejandro found out
Who sabotaged the last vote
And made himself
An insurance policy.
And courtney proved to be
Quite the klutzy kisser.
Okay,
Someone is so getting fired!
Chef is a stress eater,
Mal betrayed cam,
Gwen stopped zeke,
Cam got hurt,
Cam got flushed.
Helllllp!
That is it!
Luckily, nothing gets me
Out of a bad mood faster
Than upping the "ow" factor
In a challenge!
Stick around to see
Who goes down,
Right here on
Total... Drama... All-stars!
Tell the editor to meet me
At the flush o' shame!
(Chuckles)
♪♪
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be
♪ I wanna be famous
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be
♪ I wanna be famous
(Whistling chorus)
(Camera shutter snaps)
Courtney:
How could scott dump me?!
Grrr!
I know it's hard...
Courtney:
Kissing cameron
Was an accident!
Zoey:
Oh, of course, but-
Courtney:
And he kissed me!
Zoey:
Time out!
Sorry. Just...
Maybe you just need to talk.
And hey,
On the bright side,
Kissed by two guys
In one day?
You're on fire!
She's right.
Yay me!
Thanks, zoey.
Do me a favour?
Don't mention this
To gwen.
I haven't exactly
Been easy on her
About the whole
Kissing thing.
Your secret is safe
With me.
Thanks!
You're a pal!
(Knocking)
Mal:
Hey, zoey.
You okay?
Zoey:
(Sighs) I still can't believe
Cam's gone.
Ah, me neither.
I miss him so much!
Ha! Mike might miss
The little brainiac,
But as far as I'm concerned,
Getting rid of cameron
Was like scraping gum
Off my shoe -
A bit sticky,
But oh so satisfying.
Chester:
So much walking!
Why'd I ever agree
To go on a "quest"?
Ah, there better not be
Any of that
Rock and/or roll music,
Or, or dancin'
Where we're goin'!
Svetlana:
Vill you keep it down
Vit der babbling?
He might hear you!
Mike:
Svetlana!
Ah... Oh.
What are you doing?
Mal told me,
"Sculpting fishies wis butter
Or cease to exist!"
Mike:
Well, it's time to cease
His existence.
Shhh!
Stop wis the talking.
He has ze ears everywhere!
Mike:
Okay... That could be a problem.
Now to deal
With my biggest thr*at:
Alejandro.
(Chuckles)
He's going to pay
For sabotaging my sabotage.
I have to tell someone,
And you're the only one
I trust.
I saw alejandro
Refuse to help cam
Just before he fell
In the mine.
(Gasps)
I knew he was a snake!
I bet he's the one
Who tampered with the votes!
If gwen hadn't fished cam
Out of that river,
Oh...
We just can't trust
That guy!
(Mic feedback squeals)
Chris:
Attention maggots!
Last one to the beach
Drops and gives me fifty!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Courtney:
(Grunts) ow!
What're you doing?
I'm sad.
And when I'm sad,
I eat dirt.
(Chomps noisily)
You'll never cheat on me,
Will you?
Courtney:
Oh, that is it!
Listen up, farmboy,
Cameron kissed me!
And now he's gone,
So we're back together.
End of story!
Now, let's go!
Can't help it.
I loves me a bossy lady.
But I'm not forgivin'
Or forgettin' just yet.
Courtney might not be finished
Her kissing spree.
Contestants:
(Wheezing and panting)
At ease, maggots.
'Bout time you got here,
I was almost getting bored.
Glad you could join us,
Alejandro.
You know the deal.
Last one here
Equals push-ups there.
Of course I'm gonna be
The last one.
I was exiled
On boney island!
You mean "I was exiled
On boney island, sir!"
Chris is lucky I have
A bigger problem to deal with:
Mal.
Good thing I have a dvd
Full of incriminating footage
Hidden in the hotel.
When the time is right - bam! -
I'll expose that phoney,
Or my name isn't
Alejandro burros muertos.
Chris:
(Laughs over loudspeaker)
Tell 'em what
Your last name means!
(Laughs)
(Groans)
It's a very respected name
Where I come from.
Very respected!
...and fifty!
Didn't break a sweat.
Chris:
Listen up, worms.
Chef's boot camp challenge
In season one was tough.
But this is season five
And things are about to get
A whole lot more hurt-ey
With... The chris mclean
Obsta-k*ll course -
Patent pending!
To win this full-on
Race challenge
And avoid getting flushed,
First, you'll have to conquer
The fun tires!
Get through them
And you're on
To the rope slope!
Some ropes are less reliable
Than others,
So choose wisely.
But not too wisely;
That'll spoil the fun for me.
Next, the snapping bars!
Zoey:
Why are they called that?
Chris:
Oh, you'll see.
Then it's on to a pleasant run
Through the duck and cover.
Come outta that alive
And you're in
For a real treat!
Pfft!
Piece of cake.
Chris:
Ohhh! In that case...
No!
Everyone has to wear
A heavy pack
For the whole challenge!
Contestants:
(Groaning) scott!
Not again! Why?!
Abandon your pack
And you'll face
A brutal penalty,
Seriously.
(Laughs)
This is gonna be awesome!
Gwen:
He let cam fall?
Wow! That's harsh,
Even by alejandro standards.
Yeah. Mike and I are planning
To vote him off as payback.
Count me in.
Awesome.
Now we just have to survive
This challenge.
At least it's not underground,
Right?
Zoey and gwen:
(Laugh)
(Gasps)
Zoey better not be forming
An alliance with gwen,
Or telling her about me
Kissing scott and cameron.
Or both!
Agh! Why didn't I take
That lip reading course?
Better watch your step,
Pal.
Or is it al?
Quite a warning
Coming from the guy
Who tampered
With the votes.
So what?
Who's gonna believe you,
The most manipulative player
In total drama history?
True, I'm not known
For being trustworthy.
That is why
I have procured a dvd
Full of footage of you
At your shiftiest.
Your hours here are numbered,
Pal.
Or should I say "mal."
Agh! Wait!
My people have a saying:
"Burros muertos
No hablan."
"Dead donkeys don't talk?"
Chris:
(Laughs)
Alejandro dead donkeys!
(Wild laughter)
It's more poetic in spanish,
But...
Agh! My point is,
Your secret is safe
With me!
I must stop this monster.
No one ruins my symmetry
And gets away with it!
What're you guys
Doing?
Mal:
Oh, ah...
(Chuckles)
Alejandro tripped,
And I was just helping him up.
Agh!
You should really
Be more careful.
On your marks...
Get set...
Go!
(Bullhorn blasts)
This is easy!
Courtney:
Agghhhhh!
Huh? Gah!
(Screams in pain)
Oh! My foot is touching
My face!
Chris:
You dung beetles didn't think
Colonel mclean
Would give you
A straight-ahead challenge,
Did you?
Mal:
Whoa! (Laughs)
Careful!
Zoey:
Look out!
Thanks!
We make a great team!
His powers of persuasion
Are impressive.
I must get the others
On my side.
The gorgeous side.
Alejandro:
Gwen! I need to talk to you!
Gwen:
Can't! Kinda trying
To stay alive!
Then for now,
A warning:
Whatever you do,
Do not trust mi- (whack)
Oof!
Alejandro:
(Muffled grunts of effort)
Chris:
Mike and zoey are in the lead
And heading for the rope slope.
This oughta be good.
(Electricity buzzes)
What the heck?
(Sniffs)
Come on, zoey!
You can do it!
I'm trying!
Achoo!
Aaggghhhhhh!
(Pained groan)
Chris:
Apparently zoey's allergic
To ropes made of dog hair!
Dog hair?
Ew! Achoo!
Zoey! You okay?
Keep going!
I'll catch up!
(Sniffs)
Licorice?!
(Devious chuckle)
Might as well make this
More fun
For the next guy.
(Chomps)
(Gwen pants,
Electricity buzzes)
Uh, are you allergic
To dogs?
Weird question.
No.
Ha! It's just,
Your rope is...
Huh? (Sniffs)
Ew! Yuck!
Zoey:
(Laughs)
I know, right?!
So gross!
Zoey and gwen:
(Laugh)
You two better not
Be talking
About me kissing
Scott and cameron!
(Gasps)
You kissed cameron?!
Oops!
Not only that,
She kissed him
While we were going out!
But we're back together
And very happy.
Gwen:
If we survive this,
You and I are having
A little chat, courtney!
Courtney:
(Sighs)
What're you waiting for?
Climb!
Scott:
No worries,
I'll be up in a country jiffy.
(Garbled screams,
Electricity buzzes)
Chris:
(Laughs)
Looks like someone
Found my favourite rope:
The zapper!
Alejandro:
(Panting) scott!
We need to talk!
You can't trust-
(Scott yelps)
Perhaps I'll, uh,
Tell you later.
Aye!
Ha ha!
Still got it!
Chris:
Will anyone survive
The obsta-k*ll course?
Will scott become
A human hot dog?
Will I laugh
No matter what?
Yes to that,
But for all the other answers,
Stay tuned
To total... Drama... All-stars!
Chris:
Mike is first to reach
The snapping bars,
Followed by gwen and zoey.
Gwen:
Agh! So that's why they're
Called the "snapping" bars.
Hilarious.
Mal: (grunts)
Alejandro: ha!
Mal:
Let go of me!
Ungh!
Alejandro:
Not without a fight!
Mike:
Come on,
Let us help you break free!
Svetlana:
Oh! Ohhh!
Mike:
Ah. Svetlana?!
What's happening?
Is him!
(Frightened screams)
(Gasps, as svetlana)
Svetlana svetlympic champion
Wis ze hanging bars!
Alejandro:
Agh! Ungh! Agh!
(Repeated thuds)
Hmm... I thought mike
Couldn't access
His other personalities
Anymore.
At least he didn't turn
Into that mal character.
(Frightened cries)
Mike:
Fight it, svetlana!
Fight mal!
(Strained grunts)
Ze chain!
(Grunting)
(Metallic clank)
Hoorah!
Svetlana helps you now!
(Slurps butter)
Alejandro:
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
Gah! Stop!
(Grunts and gasps)
(As mal)
Huh? Whoa!
(Water splashes)
(Woozy groan)
(Spits)
Grrr!
Aggghhhhhh!
(Gurgled cries)
Mike!
Mal:
(Spits and gasps for air)
Chris:
(Laughs) alejandro
Takes the lead,
And mike just might be
Out of commission.
How could svetlana
Take off like that?
Mike!
Oh, he's messing
With my plans!
Grrrrrr!
I'm coming for you, bro.
(Static hisses)
Zoey:
Hang on, mike,
I'm coming!
Gwen:
Agghhh! Hey!
Ugh! Not cool!
Chris:
Oh, and here comes
Team break-up make-up!
Owww!
My left butt cheek!
Aggghhh!
My right butt cheek!
Why is it always my butt?
Courtney:
Move it!
I didn't carry you to the bars
Just so you could fall off-
Scott:
Aaggghhhh!
(Water splashes,
Scott screams)
Courtney:
Ugh! You're on your own,
Slacker!
Zoey:
Come on! If alejandro wins,
We can't vote him off!
You go ahead.
If I help scott,
He might vote
For alejandro too.
Okay,
But be careful!
Oh, I always am.
Alejandro:
Zoey, we must talk.
Zoey:
Mike saw you
Let cam fall.
Try to handsome-talk your abs
Out of that!
Alejandro:
What?! No, no, no.
Zoey,
Mike is not who he seems.
And I can prove-
Gah!
Zoey: ewww!
Chris: forgot to mention,
This is chef's favourite place
To unwind
With some leechball
Target practice!
So, you better duck
And you better find cover!
Zoey:
Ow! Ugh! Agh!
Alejandro:
Agh! Madre mia.
Chris:
And zoey takes the lead!
Scott:
Agh!
So you're saying
Alejandro
Convinced cameron
To kiss courtney
To drive a wedge
Between us?
Yes.
A wedge of what?
Cheese?
(Exasperated sigh)
Put it this way:
Alejandro used cam's lips
To kiss your girlfriend.
Now that I understand!
I have to find
Courtney!
(Grunts of effort)
Lousy pack!
Ugh! Forget this!
What about the penalty?
I'll deal with it
When I win!
Gwen:
So you admit you kissed cam
While you were with scott?
No!
Cameron kissed me!
Why would he do that?
Maybe because
He thinks I'm pretty?
Sure, yeah, of course.
It's just...
It kinda came
Outta nowhere.
(Leeches splat)
Nearly there!
Agh! Aw, come on!
Agh! Ow! Eep!
Ow! Ooh!
Courtney!
I need to talk to you!
Did you kiss
Alejandro?
Okay,
I'm outta here.
Yes, but it was years ago!
You and I weren't going out,
So it's okay!
Chris:
Hey, bickersons!
Less whining,
More ouch-ing!
Scott: ouch!
Chris: better.
Hey! So I was thinking
Of voting off alejandro next.
Thoughts?
Yes!
Absolutely!
Another piece
Falls into place.
Once alejandro's gone,
I'll be able to concentrate
On getting rid of mike...
For good!
Hey, man. Oh...
You want some help
With those leeches?
You... Would help me?
Nah.
(Evil laughter)
See ya in the toilet, al!
Grrrr!
(Infuriated roar)
I'm coming for you, mal!
Mal:
Zoey! Here, here, let me.
Thanks, mike.
I owed you one,
And we're a team, remember?
Now let's win this thing!
Whoa!
Chris:
Told ya you were in
For a real treat.
This is it, maggots,
The final obstacle!
All you gotta do is
Get to where I'm standing...
Alive!
Ugh! How are we supposed
To do that?
Hello! Backpacks.
(Equipment clanks)
Zip-lining,
Of course!
Alejandro:
Didn't think you would
See me again, did you?
Excellent!
I grew up zip-lining chasms
Three times this size!
(Laughs)
See you in the toilet, mal!
Did he just say
"Mal"?
Mal:
Oh no, (laughs)
He said "pal."
Heh. Handsome jerk!
Let's go together.
Our increased weight
Will make us faster!
Zoey:
Awww! You sound like cam!
Scott:
You didn't say
We were gonna need our packs!
You ditched your pack?
Told ya there'd be
A penalty, bro!
Okay, so I had to hang
From a rope by my hands -
No big thing!
Back on the farm,
My cousins and me
Used to have contests
To see who could hang off
The laundry line the longest
Over a nest of fire ants,
And I mostly won!
(Sighs) good times.
(Spits)
The race for last place
Begins,
As the race for first
Is about to end!
Alejandro looks unbeatable!
But wait!
Zoey:
It doesn't look like
We're gonna pass him!
Mal:
Zoey, hold the line!
Zoey:
Huh? Mike!
Zoey: what are you...?
Alejandro: hey!
Mal:
Now tell me
Where the dvd is!
Alejandro:
(Strained grunt)
Never!
(Carabiner snaps)
Alejandro and mal:
Aaggghhhhh!
Chris:
And mike throws himself
Under the bus
So that zoey wins immunity!
Mal:
Way to go, zoey!
Mal does not belong
In juvee.
He belongs in jail!
Alejandro didn't say "pal."
Did mike do that for me?
Or for mal?!
I need to keep a closer eye
On him.
Courtney and gwen:
Whoaoaoaoa! Oof!
(Chuckles)
Bonus ouchies!
You can count your bruises
While I'm counting
The elimination votes tonight.
Zoey's safe
From the flush o' shame.
So who's going home,
I wonder?
Hello?!
Little help here?!
Chris:
Congratulations, campers.
This was the fastest
Voting process
In total drama history.
The votes are unanimous...
Except for one particularly
Artistic entry.
(Chuckles)
I wish I had thought
Of doing something like that.
(Laughs) hmm.
But everyone else
Wants alejandro
To surf the porcelain
Wave machine.
(Sighs)
Aw, man!
Gee, what a shame.
Not really.
First, since zoey won
The challenge,
She and a camper of her choice
Get to enjoy the spa
Along with yours truly
And gwen.
Nuh-unh.
No way.
You said what now?
Gwen:
I can't take another night
Stuck in that hotel with you!
Fine,
Boney island it is.
(Gasps)
Chris:
So, zoey,
Who ya bringing?
Zoey:
Mike. He's the only reason
I won.
Mal:
Aw! Really?!
You're the best!
How can she not
See the truth?!
Urgh!
Maybe they deserve each other!
This show just got %
Less beautiful.
But I'm not the real villain.
A greater evil
Is lurking!
Chris:
(Yawns)
Boring!
(Button beeps)
Alejandro:
The truth is in the art!
It's in the arrrrrt!
Zoey:
What did he mean
About the art?
Chris:
What did he mean indeed?
You'll just have to find out
Next time
When the final five
Become the fortunate four,
Right here
On total... Drama... All-stars!
05x10 - The Obsta-kill Kourse
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.