05x16 - Twinning Isn’t Everything

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Total Drama". Aired: July 8, 2007 to present.*
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
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05x16 - Twinning Isn’t Everything

Post by bunniefuu »

Chris:

Last time on

"Total drama pahkitew island":

The teens ran

A super slippery race

While holding

Some very rare pork.

Ella sang - again,

And jasmine won it

For the pi-ma-po-tew

Gih-noh-say-wuk!

And while team

Waa-nihtu mu-skwuk

Had to say "later"

To leonard the larper,

They did find a cave

To call home.

Today's challenge

Is treacherous, deadly,

And - unless you're doing it -

Hilarious!

(Laughs)

Who will survive

To play another day

And who will be sent home

Via giant cannon airlines?

Find out right here,

Right now,

On total drama pahkitew island!

♪♪♪

♪ I wanna be,

I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be,

I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistling chorus)

(Footsteps crunch)

Jasmine:

You know that you don't have

To help me every morning

Just cause amy tells you to.

Y-you don't want me to come?

Jasmine:

That's not what I said.

I just want it to be

Your decision,

Not hers.

Stop letting your sister

Treat you like a servant.

Oh, she never treats me

That well.

Then do something

About it!

How can i?

She's everyone's favourite.

She's the pretty one.

You're identical twins!

You're both the pretty one!

Really?

Samey, look.

The first person who stands up

For you has got to be you!

Wow.

So, are we like friends?

If not, that's okay.

I don't have a lot of friends,

So i-i'm not- I just-

The way amy treats you

Bothers me,

So yeah,

I guess we're friends.

And I have trouble

Making friends, too.

I don't know why,

But-

People find me

A bit intimidating.

Maybe I have been letting amy

Get away with too much.

One time I let her shave

My head

So that people could

"Tell us apart."

Jasmine's right;

I gotta stand up for myself!

Shawn:

Hey.

Jasmine:

G'day, shawn.

Samey:

Um, I'm going... Over there.

So, shawn,

Any zombies sighted

In the area? (Giggles)

Usually when I talk to a girl,

I'm the one who has to bring up

The un-dead.

Looks, survival skills,

And a healthy fear

Of reanimated corpses.

Man, this girl has everything!

No zombie sightings...

Yet.

But they can walk

Underwater,

So they could be

On this island right now!

Definitely.

They could be anywhere.

I better get this food

Back to the others.

I'll, uh, see ya 'round?

I'll be here.

Were you talking

About zombies?

(Chuckles and snorts)

Yeah, it's just a little

Running joke between us.

Shawn:

Hey! Who's hungry?

Sugar:

Yee-haw! I could eat the legs

Off a table,

And we ain't even got one!

Ella:

Oh, shawn!

As a special thank you,

I'd like to sing you a song!

(Clears throat)

♪ The fruit shawn brought,

Brought joy to the- ♪

Sugar:

Eat up, ella.

You look skinny enough

To run through a rain storm

Without gettin' wet.

Sky:

I got fresh water

From the stream.

Don't wanna get dehydrated

During the challenge.

Dave:

Awesome! So great!

You are so-

Ella:

♪ The water sky brought,

Brought joy to the- ♪

Thank you,

But no song required.

Ella, maybe you could go sing

To the other team

As a sign of,

Uh, friendly competition?

(Gasps)

That is a wonderful idea!

♪ Ahhhhhh ♪

Shawn and sky: phew!

Dave: so, sky, as I was saying-

Nice one, shawn!

And great job finding

This cave.

Hey, if you want help

Foraging tomorrow-

I'll help too!

Tomorrow.

I'll forage with you guys.

Totally!

Uh, sounds great.

I'm not digging all

The friend stuff going on here!

Comfortable people

Let their guard down.

Pfft! Hello!

Might as well put out a bowl

Of brains and sign

That says "zombies eat free!"

Rodney:

Look at all this stuff!

Thanks, jasmine.

Thanks, amy.

Samey:

Amy? It was me, not amy!

Amy:

Ugh! What is your problem,

Samey?

I'm tired of you taking credit

For things that I do.

And samey is

On the att*ck!

Samey, this might not be

The right time...

I'm the nice one!

Amy is a monster!

Amy:

(Startled gasp)

How could you say that?

I'm your sister!

(Sobbing)

Jealousy is the lowest form

Of evil.

Max:

Rodney:

Samey? What is wrong with you?

I... I... Argh!

Topher:

And after laying down

Some brutal blows,

Samey heads off.

Will team mu-skwuk be able

To get past this?

Stay tuned to find out!

Ella:

Good morning,

Other team!

Who'd like to hear a song?

Chris:

No one, ella!

It's challenge time!

All butts to the meeting area

In five!

I'm coming, chris!

I'm gonna check

On samey.

(Romantic music plays)

Poor amy.

She's going to be crushed

When I tell her

It's over!

But I can't deny what my heart

Is writing in the stars.

It's writing "jasmine."

Topher:

(Panting, out of breath)

Morning, chris!

Totally pumped

For today's challenge.

Oh, good.

I can't tell you how little

That means to me.

Ya think I could explain

The challenge to the others?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's kind of

The host's job, topher.

Right, right.

I'm sorry, just excited.

It's like we'realready winners

Because we got to meet chris.

The chris mclean!

Wow.

Well said, topher.

That topher's as wily as a hog

With a library card!

I wouldn't trust him any farther

Than I could throw a tractor.

And that ain't more

Than a couple of feet.

Chris:

Gather 'round, victims.

Today's game is called

"Doom balloons."

Max:

You had me at "doom."

Topher:

Shh! Go ahead, chris.

You'll have ten seconds

To collect a bunch of balloons

That are filled with

Who knows what -

Talc, paint, itching powder,

Bees, spiders, bird poop.

It's always a surprise!

(Laughs)

(Claps) yay!

Who doesn't love a surprise?!

Chris:

None of you.

None of you

Will love a surprise.

Topher:

(Laughs)

Chris, I love the way you-

Chris: (blows a whistle)

If you're hit with any balloon

Contents,

You're out.

It doesn't matter

If the balloons are thrown,

Dropped, launched, kicked,

Or sent by courier.

Last player standing

Wins it for their team!

(Blows whistle)

Get your balloons,

People!

(Blows whistle)

All:

(Urgent chatter)

Chris:

The hunting doesn't start

Until you hear the air horn!

Me and chris are pretty tight.

I wouldn't be surprised

If he asked me

To co-host or something.

I mean...

(Air horn blasts)

Oh. Gotta go.

Unnnggghh!

Surely there must be something

I can build with these pieces.

Something deadly and evil.

I've hidden bits and pieces

Of pure evil

All over this wretched island!

(Weak evil laugh,

Coughs)

My evil laugh is a work

In progress.

No matter.

I shall win this challenge

Because of my abnormally

Large brain

And my super advanced hearing.

No one has ever, ever been able

To sneak up on me.

(Screams)

Scarlett:

What are doing, max?

Max:

It's very technical.

You wouldn't understand.

Okay.

Max:

Wait! Uh, fine,

If you must know,

I'm going to tape everything

I have together

Into one long stick,

Then put my balloons

On the end,

Thereby allowing me

To hit people with said balloons

From a safe distance!

Wow. That's so evil.

Yes. Thank you for-

It's too bad there isn't a way

To launch something sharp.

Scarlett:

You know, to pop

Their own balloons onto them.

(Gasps)

I've got an even better idea!

Yes. I'll build a rapid-fire

Balloon busting device

That fires projectiles

And pops their balloons

Before they can throw them!

Wow, your mind

Is so powerful.

Scarlett is hopelessly

In love with me,

But I must remain focused

On my work.

Evil doesn't date.

First, I will control

This island,

Then this hemisphere,

And then... The world!

(Evil laugh)

(Gasps)

There it is!

That was an evil laugh!

(Branch snaps)

No!

Oh, it's you.

Hey, sky.

I was thinking,

Maybe we could team up,

You know?

Watch each other's back.

Dave's a nice guy

And he is cute,

But I have to keep my head

In the game.

I can't let myself be distracted

By his eyes...

Or that hair...

Or his smile...

Uh, what was I talking about?

Oh. Right.

No distractions!

I think I'll go it alone.

It's nothing personal,

Dave,

It's just easier to be silent

When you're by yourself.

Dave:

Are you saying you find

Talking to me

Just too tempting?

(Chuckles)

Um, if that's how you wanna

Interpret it, okay.

It's not like

I'm falling for her.

I mean, sure, yes,

She's really cute

And totally awesome at anything

And everything,

And she has those deep eyes,

That silky hair and...

What was I saying?

Oh. Right.

Yeah, I'm falling for her.

Going it alone

Might work sometimes,

But I feel that-

(Sky shushes dave,

Max chuckles)

Take cover!

(Gasps) bees!

Sky, wait up!

It worked!

(Evil laugh)

You should be taking notes

Of my genius.

Max is really enjoying

The game.

Obviously, he doesn't know what

Sort of surprises are waiting

In the rest of those balloons.

(Laughs)

Stay tuned for more mayhem

When we return

To total drama pahkitew island!

(Rustling)

(Hisses)

Huh? A-ha!

Sorry, sugar,

You should've hidden better.

Wha?

Thanks for washin' my face,

Hefty worm!

I feel cleaner than a sink

Made of soap!

Now b*at it!

Aggghhhhh!

You can't throw snakes

At people!

Unless the snakes

Are in a balloon,

Then it's okay.

Dave:

Sky! Yikes!

Man, they really got you good.

Dave:

Oh, sorry.

But hey, it could have been

A lot wor- yahhh!

Sky:

Ya think?

Dave:

Wowzers. Sorry I got you knocked

Out of the game, sky,

And I'm sorry all the bees

Went after you.

But-

You're glad?!

I mean I'm glad,

Because I'm allergic

To bee stings.

And tomatoes, wheat,

And peanuts...

Flowers,

Mountain lion dander,

And most fruit-flavoured gums.

Seriously?

Well, I've never been tested

For any of it,

But I've always suspected.

It's better to err on the side

Of caution when dealing-

Sky:

Dave! You have to warn

The others

That team gih-noh-say-wuk

Are using

Our own balloons against us!

We've lost two challenges

Already!

We need to win this one,

Dave!

You got it, sky!

I am on it!

Sky: tree!

Dave: ow!

(Laughs)

Hey, chris!

Topher, you're in the middle

Of a challenge, dude.

I know, but it's important.

You gotta call in

The make-up department

To do something

About those crow's feet.

Crow's feet?

Yeah. It looks like

They were wearing cleats!

What if kids start twerting

About how old you look

And the network decides

To replace you

With a younger host?

Replace me?

(Gasps) makeup!

Whoa!

Even with all the branches

And twigs on the ground

She moves so silently.

Wow.

Look, I don't wanna like her!

. % Of all men who die

In zombie movies

Die because the girl they love

Becomes a zombie,

And when it comes time

To cut her head off,

They get all sentimental

About it

And they hesitate.

When there are zombies

On your tail, man,

Thinking is the last thing


You want to do!

Hello, beautiful butterfly!

You're so delicate.

You should hide

Until our game is done.

Hee-yaaaaa!

Oh, it's you.

Ella:

Look, sugar-

Just because my balloon

Is made to do harm,

Doesn't mean that

It can't look adorable

And constantly delighted

To be here.

Man-o-w*r!

That girl could bug

The stink off a donkey!

Oh, sugar.

I just know we're going to be

The best of friends!

Sugar:

I heard something...

Duck!

Ella:

Sugar? Sugar?!

I've fallen into

This poor bush!

Dave:

Ah! This tree has eyeballs!

Eyeball tree!

Shawn:

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's me, shawn.

I camouflaged myself

With mud and moss.

I knew all of my cake-decorating

Skills

Would come in handy some day!

(Laughs)

Who orders a cake

That looks like tree bark?

I mean, how many beavers

Celebrate their birthday?

Bakers have been hiding

In plain sight,

Covered in icing camouflage,

Like, since the dawn of time.

At least that's what my old boss

At the bakery

Used to tell me.

Mind you, he also said

The pyramids were built

By pastry chefs, so...

Max:

Rest assured that as long as

You're with me, you are safe.

Gahh!

Agghhh!

Revenge!

(Sneezes)

Awesome sh*t.

Fyi, someone burst

Sky's balloons

While she was holding them.

Huh. Smart trick.

I doubt it was max.

(Multiple sneezes)

I have to find

Just the right words

To end my relationship

With amy

So she isn't left shattered

Like...

A cabbage in a...

Cabbage... Shatterer thingy.

Argh! Come on, words!

I need you!

Amy:

Way to make a total fool

Of yourself

In front of everybody, samey.

"Oh, I got the food

And I'm the nice one.

Blah blah blaaaaah."

Voice of an angel!

Sooner or later, amy,

Everyone will know

What you're about.

(Scoffs)

Good afternoon,

Samey.

May I have a moment

With amy please?

Rodney, you can have all of the

Moments with amy.

(Sobbing)

Are you crying?

Amy, I don't know

How to tell you this

So I'm just going

To say it.

I- but true love-

Cold beast- mountain top!

Ugh! What I am trying

To say is-

Wad of cabbage- anthill -

Guhhh! (Squeak)

I just... I just...

I deserved that!

(Crying)

Wow! Good make-up job,

Dude.

You look twenty years

Younger!

It's like you're thirty

Again!

I am thirty!

Oh! Um... Yeah, I know!

And now you look it!

But you could use

Some moisturizer.

(Splat)

Agghhh!

Thank you.

Agghhh! Spiders in my hair!

Spiders in my hair!

Dave:

Yeah! Did you see that?!

You're out of balloons,

Dave.

You might wanna skedaddle.

Moisturizer, huh?

(Sighs) all this walking

Is good exercise.

But it's also important

To exercise our hearts.

With song!

♪ Smiles can help with trials

And tribulations! ♪

Chris!

She's singin' again!

Jasmine:

(Laughs) might wanna keep quiet

Next time, girls!

Oh, meat on a muskrat!

Chris:

Did I hear singing, again?!

Did i?!

Yes! On account of her

Singsong,

She got us hit with balloons

Full of mustard, relish and...

(Licks)

Some third thing

I can't identify!

If my song was the cause of that

Then I apolo-

Okay, as long as the singing

Caused you pain, ella,

I'm happy.

Agghhh!

(Balloons pop)

Dave:

(Coughs) what the?!

(Pained whine)

Itching powder?

Really?

I'm pretty sure

I'm allergic to this!

Chris:

Everyone is allergic to it,

It's itching powder!

Agghhh!

Jasmine:

Well done, samey!

You took out dave!

Whoa! Loud cough

Of interruption!

I was the one

Who took dave out,

Not samey!

I can tell you apart

And samey's sh*t

Was just excellent.

'Kay, since when does anyone

Take samey's side?

She's just a wannabe me.

A spare amy.

(Gasps)

Her name should be sparamy!

I'm going to change

Her birth certificate

As soon as we get home!

Jasmine:

Since samey's the only one

With a balloon left,

We should stick together.

I spotted shawn's hiding spot

Earlier.

Follow me.

(Bush rustles)

Jasmine:

He's right below us.

You take the sh*t, jasmine.

I don't wanna mess it up.

And she would.

You can do this, samey.

I know you can.

Drop it right down on him.

Give me that.

You'll miss.

Amy,

Stop messing about!

Amy: it's mine!

Samey: no! Let go!

(Pop)

Noooo!

Chris:

Game over!

Team mu-skwuk wins

The challenge!

Agh!

Way to go, samey!

You ruined everything!

I'm telling!

Wow. Good thing for samey

They weren't born siamese twins

Or I reckon amy

Would've eaten her by now.

Whenever I have something

Amy wants,

She just takes it.

Always, always, always!

Huh. Always...

Chris:

Tonight's winners

Get to enjoy dinner

From mary's lamb burgers.

That's mary's lamb burger

And bar-be-cure emporium.

"Mary had a little lamb."

(Laughs)

Had.

(Laughs)

Amy:

Gimme that!

You don't deserve to eat

And I've talked to the rest

Of the team

About how you lost us

The challenge.

Enjoy being cannon fodder.

See you at the elimination

Ceremony, sparamy!

(Chuckles)

So funny.

(Chuckles) and you enjoy

That manchineel fruit.

Chris:

All right, players...

Those of you holding

A marshmallow are safe...

For now.

(Laughs)

Amy, samey,

One of you is going home

Tonight.

Amy, you seem more concerned

With bossing samey around

Than with helping your team.

And samey, it was your balloon

That cost your team

This challenge.

The sister heading home is...

(Choking coughs)

Oh, ignore her,

She's just trying

To get sympathy.

Aren't you, samey?!

(Protesting incoherently)

Can't understand

What you're saying samey

And it really doesn't matter,

'Cause you've been voted off.

Nooooo!

(Angry mumbling)

Samey:

Buh-bye, samey!

Have a nice flight!

(Incoherent protests)

Wish I could understand.

It sounds really important.

(Cannon booms,

Scream echoes)

(Sighs) she's had it coming

For years.

I guess twinning

Isn't everything.

The old switcheroo!

Good for samey!

Eleven players remain,

But only one goes home

With a million dollars.

Find out who lasts

And who blasts

On the next

Total drama pahkitew island!

Chris:

The next total drama

Is a clucking good time!

Seriously -

There's a chicken!

And the game of truth or scare

Has some shocking results.

Ooh! Painful!

Looks like fun!

Who wins the game

And who feels the pain?

(Laughs) ouch!

Find out on the next

Total drama pahkitew island!
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