Chris:
Last time on
"Total drama pahkitew island":
The teens ran
A super slippery race
While holding
Some very rare pork.
Ella sang - again,
And jasmine won it
For the pi-ma-po-tew
Gih-noh-say-wuk!
And while team
Waa-nihtu mu-skwuk
Had to say "later"
To leonard the larper,
They did find a cave
To call home.
Today's challenge
Is treacherous, deadly,
And - unless you're doing it -
Hilarious!
(Laughs)
Who will survive
To play another day
And who will be sent home
Via giant cannon airlines?
Find out right here,
Right now,
On total drama pahkitew island!
♪♪♪
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
♪ I wanna be,
I wanna be ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
(Whistling chorus)
(Footsteps crunch)
Jasmine:
You know that you don't have
To help me every morning
Just cause amy tells you to.
Y-you don't want me to come?
Jasmine:
That's not what I said.
I just want it to be
Your decision,
Not hers.
Stop letting your sister
Treat you like a servant.
Oh, she never treats me
That well.
Then do something
About it!
How can i?
She's everyone's favourite.
She's the pretty one.
You're identical twins!
You're both the pretty one!
Really?
Samey, look.
The first person who stands up
For you has got to be you!
Wow.
So, are we like friends?
If not, that's okay.
I don't have a lot of friends,
So i-i'm not- I just-
The way amy treats you
Bothers me,
So yeah,
I guess we're friends.
And I have trouble
Making friends, too.
I don't know why,
But-
People find me
A bit intimidating.
Maybe I have been letting amy
Get away with too much.
One time I let her shave
My head
So that people could
"Tell us apart."
Jasmine's right;
I gotta stand up for myself!
Shawn:
Hey.
Jasmine:
G'day, shawn.
Samey:
Um, I'm going... Over there.
So, shawn,
Any zombies sighted
In the area? (Giggles)
Usually when I talk to a girl,
I'm the one who has to bring up
The un-dead.
Looks, survival skills,
And a healthy fear
Of reanimated corpses.
Man, this girl has everything!
No zombie sightings...
Yet.
But they can walk
Underwater,
So they could be
On this island right now!
Definitely.
They could be anywhere.
I better get this food
Back to the others.
I'll, uh, see ya 'round?
I'll be here.
Were you talking
About zombies?
(Chuckles and snorts)
Yeah, it's just a little
Running joke between us.
Shawn:
Hey! Who's hungry?
Sugar:
Yee-haw! I could eat the legs
Off a table,
And we ain't even got one!
Ella:
Oh, shawn!
As a special thank you,
I'd like to sing you a song!
(Clears throat)
♪ The fruit shawn brought,
Brought joy to the- ♪
Sugar:
Eat up, ella.
You look skinny enough
To run through a rain storm
Without gettin' wet.
Sky:
I got fresh water
From the stream.
Don't wanna get dehydrated
During the challenge.
Dave:
Awesome! So great!
You are so-
Ella:
♪ The water sky brought,
Brought joy to the- ♪
Thank you,
But no song required.
Ella, maybe you could go sing
To the other team
As a sign of,
Uh, friendly competition?
(Gasps)
That is a wonderful idea!
♪ Ahhhhhh ♪
Shawn and sky: phew!
Dave: so, sky, as I was saying-
Nice one, shawn!
And great job finding
This cave.
Hey, if you want help
Foraging tomorrow-
I'll help too!
Tomorrow.
I'll forage with you guys.
Totally!
Uh, sounds great.
I'm not digging all
The friend stuff going on here!
Comfortable people
Let their guard down.
Pfft! Hello!
Might as well put out a bowl
Of brains and sign
That says "zombies eat free!"
Rodney:
Look at all this stuff!
Thanks, jasmine.
Thanks, amy.
Samey:
Amy? It was me, not amy!
Amy:
Ugh! What is your problem,
Samey?
I'm tired of you taking credit
For things that I do.
And samey is
On the att*ck!
Samey, this might not be
The right time...
I'm the nice one!
Amy is a monster!
Amy:
(Startled gasp)
How could you say that?
I'm your sister!
(Sobbing)
Jealousy is the lowest form
Of evil.
Max:
Rodney:
Samey? What is wrong with you?
I... I... Argh!
Topher:
And after laying down
Some brutal blows,
Samey heads off.
Will team mu-skwuk be able
To get past this?
Stay tuned to find out!
Ella:
Good morning,
Other team!
Who'd like to hear a song?
Chris:
No one, ella!
It's challenge time!
All butts to the meeting area
In five!
I'm coming, chris!
I'm gonna check
On samey.
(Romantic music plays)
Poor amy.
She's going to be crushed
When I tell her
It's over!
But I can't deny what my heart
Is writing in the stars.
It's writing "jasmine."
Topher:
(Panting, out of breath)
Morning, chris!
Totally pumped
For today's challenge.
Oh, good.
I can't tell you how little
That means to me.
Ya think I could explain
The challenge to the others?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's kind of
The host's job, topher.
Right, right.
I'm sorry, just excited.
It's like we'realready winners
Because we got to meet chris.
The chris mclean!
Wow.
Well said, topher.
That topher's as wily as a hog
With a library card!
I wouldn't trust him any farther
Than I could throw a tractor.
And that ain't more
Than a couple of feet.
Chris:
Gather 'round, victims.
Today's game is called
"Doom balloons."
Max:
You had me at "doom."
Topher:
Shh! Go ahead, chris.
You'll have ten seconds
To collect a bunch of balloons
That are filled with
Who knows what -
Talc, paint, itching powder,
Bees, spiders, bird poop.
It's always a surprise!
(Laughs)
(Claps) yay!
Who doesn't love a surprise?!
Chris:
None of you.
None of you
Will love a surprise.
Topher:
(Laughs)
Chris, I love the way you-
Chris: (blows a whistle)
If you're hit with any balloon
Contents,
You're out.
It doesn't matter
If the balloons are thrown,
Dropped, launched, kicked,
Or sent by courier.
Last player standing
Wins it for their team!
(Blows whistle)
Get your balloons,
People!
(Blows whistle)
All:
(Urgent chatter)
Chris:
The hunting doesn't start
Until you hear the air horn!
Me and chris are pretty tight.
I wouldn't be surprised
If he asked me
To co-host or something.
I mean...
(Air horn blasts)
Oh. Gotta go.
Unnnggghh!
Surely there must be something
I can build with these pieces.
Something deadly and evil.
I've hidden bits and pieces
Of pure evil
All over this wretched island!
(Weak evil laugh,
Coughs)
My evil laugh is a work
In progress.
No matter.
I shall win this challenge
Because of my abnormally
Large brain
And my super advanced hearing.
No one has ever, ever been able
To sneak up on me.
(Screams)
Scarlett:
What are doing, max?
Max:
It's very technical.
You wouldn't understand.
Okay.
Max:
Wait! Uh, fine,
If you must know,
I'm going to tape everything
I have together
Into one long stick,
Then put my balloons
On the end,
Thereby allowing me
To hit people with said balloons
From a safe distance!
Wow. That's so evil.
Yes. Thank you for-
It's too bad there isn't a way
To launch something sharp.
Scarlett:
You know, to pop
Their own balloons onto them.
(Gasps)
I've got an even better idea!
Yes. I'll build a rapid-fire
Balloon busting device
That fires projectiles
And pops their balloons
Before they can throw them!
Wow, your mind
Is so powerful.
Scarlett is hopelessly
In love with me,
But I must remain focused
On my work.
Evil doesn't date.
First, I will control
This island,
Then this hemisphere,
And then... The world!
(Evil laugh)
(Gasps)
There it is!
That was an evil laugh!
(Branch snaps)
No!
Oh, it's you.
Hey, sky.
I was thinking,
Maybe we could team up,
You know?
Watch each other's back.
Dave's a nice guy
And he is cute,
But I have to keep my head
In the game.
I can't let myself be distracted
By his eyes...
Or that hair...
Or his smile...
Uh, what was I talking about?
Oh. Right.
No distractions!
I think I'll go it alone.
It's nothing personal,
Dave,
It's just easier to be silent
When you're by yourself.
Dave:
Are you saying you find
Talking to me
Just too tempting?
(Chuckles)
Um, if that's how you wanna
Interpret it, okay.
It's not like
I'm falling for her.
I mean, sure, yes,
She's really cute
And totally awesome at anything
And everything,
And she has those deep eyes,
That silky hair and...
What was I saying?
Oh. Right.
Yeah, I'm falling for her.
Going it alone
Might work sometimes,
But I feel that-
(Sky shushes dave,
Max chuckles)
Take cover!
(Gasps) bees!
Sky, wait up!
It worked!
(Evil laugh)
You should be taking notes
Of my genius.
Max is really enjoying
The game.
Obviously, he doesn't know what
Sort of surprises are waiting
In the rest of those balloons.
(Laughs)
Stay tuned for more mayhem
When we return
To total drama pahkitew island!
(Rustling)
(Hisses)
Huh? A-ha!
Sorry, sugar,
You should've hidden better.
Wha?
Thanks for washin' my face,
Hefty worm!
I feel cleaner than a sink
Made of soap!
Now b*at it!
Aggghhhhh!
You can't throw snakes
At people!
Unless the snakes
Are in a balloon,
Then it's okay.
Dave:
Sky! Yikes!
Man, they really got you good.
Dave:
Oh, sorry.
But hey, it could have been
A lot wor- yahhh!
Sky:
Ya think?
Dave:
Wowzers. Sorry I got you knocked
Out of the game, sky,
And I'm sorry all the bees
Went after you.
But-
You're glad?!
I mean I'm glad,
Because I'm allergic
To bee stings.
And tomatoes, wheat,
And peanuts...
Flowers,
Mountain lion dander,
And most fruit-flavoured gums.
Seriously?
Well, I've never been tested
For any of it,
But I've always suspected.
It's better to err on the side
Of caution when dealing-
Sky:
Dave! You have to warn
The others
That team gih-noh-say-wuk
Are using
Our own balloons against us!
We've lost two challenges
Already!
We need to win this one,
Dave!
You got it, sky!
I am on it!
Sky: tree!
Dave: ow!
(Laughs)
Hey, chris!
Topher, you're in the middle
Of a challenge, dude.
I know, but it's important.
You gotta call in
The make-up department
To do something
About those crow's feet.
Crow's feet?
Yeah. It looks like
They were wearing cleats!
What if kids start twerting
About how old you look
And the network decides
To replace you
With a younger host?
Replace me?
(Gasps) makeup!
Whoa!
Even with all the branches
And twigs on the ground
She moves so silently.
Wow.
Look, I don't wanna like her!
. % Of all men who die
In zombie movies
Die because the girl they love
Becomes a zombie,
And when it comes time
To cut her head off,
They get all sentimental
About it
And they hesitate.
When there are zombies
On your tail, man,
Thinking is the last thing
You want to do!
Hello, beautiful butterfly!
You're so delicate.
You should hide
Until our game is done.
Hee-yaaaaa!
Oh, it's you.
Ella:
Look, sugar-
Just because my balloon
Is made to do harm,
Doesn't mean that
It can't look adorable
And constantly delighted
To be here.
Man-o-w*r!
That girl could bug
The stink off a donkey!
Oh, sugar.
I just know we're going to be
The best of friends!
Sugar:
I heard something...
Duck!
Ella:
Sugar? Sugar?!
I've fallen into
This poor bush!
Dave:
Ah! This tree has eyeballs!
Eyeball tree!
Shawn:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's me, shawn.
I camouflaged myself
With mud and moss.
I knew all of my cake-decorating
Skills
Would come in handy some day!
(Laughs)
Who orders a cake
That looks like tree bark?
I mean, how many beavers
Celebrate their birthday?
Bakers have been hiding
In plain sight,
Covered in icing camouflage,
Like, since the dawn of time.
At least that's what my old boss
At the bakery
Used to tell me.
Mind you, he also said
The pyramids were built
By pastry chefs, so...
Max:
Rest assured that as long as
You're with me, you are safe.
Gahh!
Agghhh!
Revenge!
(Sneezes)
Awesome sh*t.
Fyi, someone burst
Sky's balloons
While she was holding them.
Huh. Smart trick.
I doubt it was max.
(Multiple sneezes)
I have to find
Just the right words
To end my relationship
With amy
So she isn't left shattered
Like...
A cabbage in a...
Cabbage... Shatterer thingy.
Argh! Come on, words!
I need you!
Amy:
Way to make a total fool
Of yourself
In front of everybody, samey.
"Oh, I got the food
And I'm the nice one.
Blah blah blaaaaah."
Voice of an angel!
Sooner or later, amy,
Everyone will know
What you're about.
(Scoffs)
Good afternoon,
Samey.
May I have a moment
With amy please?
Rodney, you can have all of the
Moments with amy.
(Sobbing)
Are you crying?
Amy, I don't know
How to tell you this
So I'm just going
To say it.
I- but true love-
Cold beast- mountain top!
Ugh! What I am trying
To say is-
Wad of cabbage- anthill -
Guhhh! (Squeak)
I just... I just...
I deserved that!
(Crying)
Wow! Good make-up job,
Dude.
You look twenty years
Younger!
It's like you're thirty
Again!
I am thirty!
Oh! Um... Yeah, I know!
And now you look it!
But you could use
Some moisturizer.
(Splat)
Agghhh!
Thank you.
Agghhh! Spiders in my hair!
Spiders in my hair!
Dave:
Yeah! Did you see that?!
You're out of balloons,
Dave.
You might wanna skedaddle.
Moisturizer, huh?
(Sighs) all this walking
Is good exercise.
But it's also important
To exercise our hearts.
With song!
♪ Smiles can help with trials
And tribulations! ♪
Chris!
She's singin' again!
Jasmine:
(Laughs) might wanna keep quiet
Next time, girls!
Oh, meat on a muskrat!
Chris:
Did I hear singing, again?!
Did i?!
Yes! On account of her
Singsong,
She got us hit with balloons
Full of mustard, relish and...
(Licks)
Some third thing
I can't identify!
If my song was the cause of that
Then I apolo-
Okay, as long as the singing
Caused you pain, ella,
I'm happy.
Agghhh!
(Balloons pop)
Dave:
(Coughs) what the?!
(Pained whine)
Itching powder?
Really?
I'm pretty sure
I'm allergic to this!
Chris:
Everyone is allergic to it,
It's itching powder!
Agghhh!
Jasmine:
Well done, samey!
You took out dave!
Whoa! Loud cough
Of interruption!
I was the one
Who took dave out,
Not samey!
I can tell you apart
And samey's sh*t
Was just excellent.
'Kay, since when does anyone
Take samey's side?
She's just a wannabe me.
A spare amy.
(Gasps)
Her name should be sparamy!
I'm going to change
Her birth certificate
As soon as we get home!
Jasmine:
Since samey's the only one
With a balloon left,
We should stick together.
I spotted shawn's hiding spot
Earlier.
Follow me.
(Bush rustles)
Jasmine:
He's right below us.
You take the sh*t, jasmine.
I don't wanna mess it up.
And she would.
You can do this, samey.
I know you can.
Drop it right down on him.
Give me that.
You'll miss.
Amy,
Stop messing about!
Amy: it's mine!
Samey: no! Let go!
(Pop)
Noooo!
Chris:
Game over!
Team mu-skwuk wins
The challenge!
Agh!
Way to go, samey!
You ruined everything!
I'm telling!
Wow. Good thing for samey
They weren't born siamese twins
Or I reckon amy
Would've eaten her by now.
Whenever I have something
Amy wants,
She just takes it.
Always, always, always!
Huh. Always...
Chris:
Tonight's winners
Get to enjoy dinner
From mary's lamb burgers.
That's mary's lamb burger
And bar-be-cure emporium.
"Mary had a little lamb."
(Laughs)
Had.
(Laughs)
Amy:
Gimme that!
You don't deserve to eat
And I've talked to the rest
Of the team
About how you lost us
The challenge.
Enjoy being cannon fodder.
See you at the elimination
Ceremony, sparamy!
(Chuckles)
So funny.
(Chuckles) and you enjoy
That manchineel fruit.
Chris:
All right, players...
Those of you holding
A marshmallow are safe...
For now.
(Laughs)
Amy, samey,
One of you is going home
Tonight.
Amy, you seem more concerned
With bossing samey around
Than with helping your team.
And samey, it was your balloon
That cost your team
This challenge.
The sister heading home is...
(Choking coughs)
Oh, ignore her,
She's just trying
To get sympathy.
Aren't you, samey?!
(Protesting incoherently)
Can't understand
What you're saying samey
And it really doesn't matter,
'Cause you've been voted off.
Nooooo!
(Angry mumbling)
Samey:
Buh-bye, samey!
Have a nice flight!
(Incoherent protests)
Wish I could understand.
It sounds really important.
(Cannon booms,
Scream echoes)
(Sighs) she's had it coming
For years.
I guess twinning
Isn't everything.
The old switcheroo!
Good for samey!
Eleven players remain,
But only one goes home
With a million dollars.
Find out who lasts
And who blasts
On the next
Total drama pahkitew island!
Chris:
The next total drama
Is a clucking good time!
Seriously -
There's a chicken!
And the game of truth or scare
Has some shocking results.
Ooh! Painful!
Looks like fun!
Who wins the game
And who feels the pain?
(Laughs) ouch!
Find out on the next
Total drama pahkitew island!
05x16 - Twinning Isn’t Everything
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.