05x18 - A Blast from the Past

[bunniefuu]

Chris:

On the last episode

Of "total drama":

It was a battle

Of truth or scare,

Judged by clucky

The poultry polygraph,

Where the competitors

Had to tell the truth or...

Complete a scary/disgusting

Challenge.

Failure meant

This would happen!

Looked like something

Might be uh...

Brewing between

Sky and dave...

(Laughs)

But, in the end,

It was rodney's

Chicken taunting

And sausage fingers

That lost it

For team gih-noh-say-wuk

And got him voted off.

Who's next

To let their team down

In an hilarious

And hurt-ey way?

Find out now on

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

♪♪♪

♪ I wanna be...

I wanna be... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be...

I wanna be... ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistling chorus)

(Water bubbles)

(Ferocious growl)

(Screeching)

(Sighs heavily)

She's cool and she's accepting

Of my lifelong mission

To keep my brain

From being eaten by the undead.

All great - ding-ding!

Full points -

But falling for her means

I gotta protect her brain

And mine!

Ha! That's a deal breaker.

(Distant ferocious snarl)

Z-z-zombies!

I'm outta here, man!

(Birds chirping)

Sky:

...and I guess that's

When I decided

I wanted to become

An olympian.

Sometimes you just gotta go

For it, right?

Uh, right!

I was listening.

I wanna tell sky

How I feel.

She's all I can think about!

I just hope I don't do

That thing I always do...

My older sister

Is my role model.

She almost made it onto

The canadian olympic team

For rhythmic gymnastics.

Dave:

Is that even a real sport?

I always thought

It was a halftime show thing.

It's just ribbons and music

And useless running around.

Looks so silly and-

Uh-oh.

Yup. It's happening.

How dare you say that

About-

Wait!

I always say dumb things

Just before I tell a girl

I like her.

Not that I'm always

Telling girls I like them.

Just cute ones.

Ugh! Still doing it.

(Deep breath)

I like you.

What I wanna know is,

Do you like me, too?

Who stares at a girl

And says I like you?

That's not how it works!

You're suppose to write it

On a note

And give it to a friend

Of the person you like,

Then she tries to pass it

To the girl,

Gets caught by the teacher

And the teacher reads it

Out loud to the class.

Everybody knows that!

(Sighs) plus,

Getting into a relationship

With someone

Who will eventually be

Competition makes no sense!

(Belches loudly)

Sorry.

That happens when I'm-

Nervous, I know.

So... Was that belch

A yes or a no?

Sky:

It was an i-like-you-too burp,

But-

Don't wanna hear

The "but."

Let's just see

Where things go, okay?

But dave-

Chris:

Wakey wakey, campers.

Everyone gather

Down by the lake.

(Yawning)

Sugar, can I talk to you

For a sec?

You can talk to me,

But I ain't gotta listen.

Um, I'm not allowed

To sing

So I wrote you

A friendship poem.

And what's a poem,

But an unsung song?

(Clears throat)

Sugar sweetens many things,

Like cake,

And candy and-

Here's a poem to stick

In your ear holes.

Roses are red.

Manure is brown.

Get out of my face!

(Sighs dejectedly)

Sky:

You know, they say

The meanest people

Are the ones

Who have a hard time

Believing in themselves.

(Gasps) she needs my support!

Thank you, sky!

Professor abomination!

Too soft.

Doctor repugnance!

Too smelly.

Little mr. Dreadulocks!

Me likey.

Scarlett:

Working on a new name?

Max:

Yes, I've already got

My catchphrase -

Time to evil! -

But I still require

A sinister moniker.

Scarlett:

They all sound so good.

How will you decide?

Max:

Silly girl!

One doesn't "pick" an evil name,

The evil name picks y- oof!

Ow!

Topher:

Wow!

(Heavenly choir sings)

Chris:

Okay, that's enough.

k*ll the effects, chef.

Topher:

Chris, you look...

Different today.

Chris:

Just my natural youth

Shining through.

No. No, you did something.

Oxygen sleep chamber?

Chris:

No.

Topher:

Hydrochloric acid peel?

Chris:

Nope.

Elastin protein tablets?

Antioxidant firming serum?

Chris:

No and unh-unh.

Sugar:

Is this the challenge?

We gotta make up kooky words?

Kitmahboodledoopaday!

Gulumongoo-boomah!

Ella:

Great job, sugar!

My turn.

Uh... Cat!

Oh, you're so much better

At this than I am!

(Air horn blows)

Chris:

Silence!

Slotox! That's it!

Chris's forehead has less lines

Than an extra on a movie set.

Wait. This is bad.

A younger looking chris

Means I might never get

A sh*t as host.

Today we will be laughing

As you risk your lives

In the smash, splash,

- - -X dash.

Players have to cross

The beams,

Grab a dueling stick

From the end of the dock,

Bring it back to yours

And place it on your board.

Two dueling sticks

Make an "x."

Three "x's" wins

The challenge.

I have a diabolical scheme

For the-

Chris:

Anyone who messes with

The other team's sticks,

Will result in them losing

The challenge.

Max:

Never mind.

Only one member per team

May cross at a time.

If you land in the drink,

That turn gets you no points

So use that dueling stick

To swat, trip,

Or bat your opponent

Into the water!

This will be awesome to see.

Samey:

What is your fascination

With seeing us hurt each other?

Ahem! (Whispering)

Less samey more amy.

If anyone gets my hair wet,

They're dead!

Any particular order

We go in?

You decide your own order

But each team member

Must go at least once!

Sky:

Um... Where's shawn?

Shawn:

I should have woken jasmine,

But waking her would've alerted

The zombie horde

And put us both in danger.

Well, mostly me,

But her too.

Self preservation comes first.

I'm ready.

I've trained for this.

You wanna fool the dead,

You gotta smell like the dead.

Oh yeah, my brain is working

Juuuust fine.

Chris:

He's probably lost

In the woods.

You know how this island

Can get... Confusing.

Go find him,

Would'ja?

(Engine rumbles loudly)

Jasmine:

I hope he's okay.

Uh, not that I care.

He's not on my team!

Chris:

Well, if he doesn't get here

On time to take a turn,

He's got an a*t*matic date

With the cannon!

(Gulps)

Plus, another player

On the team will be donezo

And that means musk-wuk

Loses two tonight.

It's game time!

Swim to your docks

And wait for my signal to start!

There's no way a guy

With shawn's survival skills

"Got lost" in the woods.

Something's up!

(Panting)

Sugar:

Dang! Why did our bathing suits

Have'ta get lost

In that blimp crash?

I wanted to show off

The swimsuit that won me

The "little miss pork rind"

Pageant!

Ella:

Ohhh! I would've loved

To have seen it!

(Splash)

Max:

What a mockery.

Evil should never

Have to swim!

Scarlett:

Any new, brilliant gadget

To unleash on team musk-wuk?

All I have is this wire!

I can't make something

From nothing, fool!

Samey:

Who should go first,

Jasmine?

(Snapping her fingers)

Hello?

Earth to unofficial

Team leader!

What? Oh, uh...

Topher:

I'll go first.

We had to balance books

On our heads

In my on-camera poise class.

This'll be a cinch.

Dave:

Me first.

We should save sky's gym skills

For a tougher player.

(Air horn blasts)

(Through megaphone)

Go!

Be careful, dave!

Looks like topher

Is a natural,

In both the talent

And beauty department,

Like a younger version

Of a famous host we all know-

(Blows air horn)

Nix the narration, toph!

Yeeaaahhhhh!

Wahhhhhh!

Chris:

Seriously?!

Start hurting each other

Or I'll get bored

And that will be bad news

For all of you!

Sky:

Go for it, sugar.

Topher:

You're up, amy.

Just pretend she's amy.

Just pretend she's amy.

Just pretend she's ella.

Samey:

Mom hates you!

Sugar:

Pixie wannabe!

Sugar: (straining)

You ain't never gonna be nothin'

But a donkey!

Agghhh! You're the worst sister,

Ever!

Samey:

A little better,

But I'm still bored.

Release... Scuba bear!

(Thumping)

Sugar:

Release what now?

Scuba bear: (ferocious roar)

Samey: (screams)

Chris:

(Laughs)

Amy completes team

Gih-noh-say-wuk's first x.

You should go next.

Hmph! Let that bear fill up

On the others first!

And miss out on

An opportunity for evil?

If you wrap that wire

Around the stick,

It will act as a conductor.

Then all you'll need

Is a power source.

Electrocuting myself

Is more self-evil than evil.

If you hold it

By the rubber padding,

You won't get shocked.

Go.

I'll find the electricity!

Unless you'd rather wait

For someone else

To pull off the plan first.

What?! Never!

(Singsongy)

Hello, over there!

Max:

You're closer to doom

Than you realize!

(Fizzling)

(Team cheers)

Scarlett: max!

(Nervous laugh)

Pardon me.

Time to evillll!

(Singsongy)

Hey again, board buddy-

Max:

Yaaaaaaagh!

Ella:

Aggghhhhhh!

(Pained scream)

(Gasps of horror)

(Laughing hysterically)

Best. Day. Ever!

Looks like max

Just found his mojo.

Max:

Evil mojo!

Did you see that?!

I have never pulled off

Such cool looking evil.

Pure, sinister gold!

(Evil laugh)

So musk-wuk gets zip -

Or should I say zap? -

And max adds

To team gih-noh-say-wuk's lead.

Will team musk-wuk

Crawl their way back?

Ella:

Do you know where I can find

The white rabbit?

(Dizzy groan,

Splash)

Sounds like a no,

But see for yourselves

After the break,

Right here on

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

(Strugging grunts)

I'm sorry I fell in.

Sky:

That was a low blow!

In my world, unsportsmanlike

Conduct gets penalized!

Dave:

Here. Let me help you.

That was a true

Fairy-tale moment.

I have found my prince!

Sky:

I saw what you did!

See you on the way back,

Cheater teamer!

I don't usually care

For trash talk,

But - boom! -

That's what you get

When you electrocute my team!

Grrrahhhhh!

Ungh! Aggghhhh!

(Splash)

The laws of force and motion

Are simple.

With sky being the pivot point,

I knew the inertia caused by

The mass of the dueling stick

Would...

She swung too hard

And fell down.

Sky:

Aggghhhh!

Scarlett makes it back

To complete the second x.

And now it's dave's turn

To go up against

Team gih-noh say-wuk's

Most capable player.

(Laughs)

This is gonna end badly.

Where is he?

Maybe shawn did get hurt.

Crikey!

Why am I so worried?

Do I like him that much?

Ugh!

Oh, I hope he's okay!

Chris:

Helloooo? Jasmine??

Time to put some dave

On the barbie!

Dave:

Enjoy your swim.

Jasmine:

Huh? Whoaaaaa!

Dave:

Yes! Score another

For the daveman!

Sugar and ella: (cheering)

Sky: way to go, dave!

Dave:

Again! I wanna go again!

Team musk-wuk makes

Their first x,

So they're now only %

Behind the competition,

And still no sign

Of zombie-fighter shawn.

(Groans like a zombie)

Smell like a zombie,

Move like a zombie -

Zombies think your a zombie.

My plan?

Set up a home base

Behind the waterfall,

Search for jasmine.

If she's not a zombie,

I'll ask her out on a date!

Shawn: (moaning like a zombie)

Chef: gotcha!

(Growls)

Shawn:

Huh? Agghhh!

Zombie-chef!

Oof!

Chef:

Whew! Where you been hidin',

A dumpster?

Shawn:

Chef! You're you?! Uh, good!

Listen! Zombie apocalypse!

Here!

We can hide behind

That waterfa- wha?

The waterfall!

It's-it's gone!

Chef:

You must be hallucinating

From the stink.

Sticking it to them!

Pun intended!

Chris:

Team musk-wuk is catching up.

But team gih-noh-say-wuk

Only needs

One more dueling stick

To win it!

Ella:

My prince, allow me

To repay your kindness

With a point for our team.

Um... Okay?

(Humming)

Huh?

What was that?

Ella with the touch

And the "prince"?

I mean dave's free to do

What he wants;

We're not dating!

Max:

You've come back for more

I see!

(Cackles evilly)

Aggghhh! Help!

Oh my!

Sky and dave: (gasps of fear)

Sugar: yeehaw!

Two in a row?

This is like winning

A pie eatin' contest

And then watching

Someone you hate get hurt!

♪ Me and my friend bear ♪

♪ Bff's beyond compare ♪

♪ Dancing and swimming

Without a care- ♪

Noooo!

I've had it with the singing

And the taming of the animals.

Scuba bear, do your job

And eat the girl!

(Hard thump,

Roars)

(Splash)

Chris:

Uh-oh.

(Frightened scream)

You know who can smile

Through a bear att*ck?

The recently slotoxed,

That's who!

Chris:

(Screaming)

Chris! You want me to throw

To another commercial?

Scream if you want me to!

Chris:

(Screaming) help!

(Honking)

Jasmine:

(Gasps)

He's okay!

What a relief.

Okay, time to focus on winning

This thing.

(Gasps) but I need to make sure

Shawn doesn't lose it

For the other team.

His being missing for so long

Could get him voted off!

They've gathered on the docks.

Smart.

Zombies can't sneak up

On them there.

Chris: (under his breath)

♪ Pretending that

Didn't happen... ♪

Shawn is back

And looking crazy!

Are you outta your-

Aggghhhh!

What're you doing!?

Just checking for bites.

Got a bite mark?

Did'ja get bit a bit?!

Sugar:

(Sniffs) ooh!

Smells like a skunk's armpit

All a sudden.

Dave:

Where have you been?

Shawn:

Hiding from the horde,

Just like you guys

On these docks. Duh!

Chris:

Team gih-noh-say-wuk is one

Dueling stick away from a win!

Musk-wuks, get shawn in the game

Or he's gone.

Game? Pfft!

This ain't no game,

Crazy man.

It's life and death!

Shhh! Here are the rules,

Shawn.

You gotta run across,

Grab a stick,

Then run back

And knock the other team's

Zombie off the beam.

They're here already?

I knew it.

Jasmine's a zombie!

I should've helped her.

I messed up!

But I can't change that now

And... (Sniffs)

I know what I have to do.

It could win the game

For my team right now,

But that means shawn

Gets eliminated.

(Cheering)

Shawn: zommmmbie!!!!!

Jasmine: oof! Ow!

(Cheering)

Ugh!

What's wrong with you?!

Um... She's...

Not a zombie.

I think I just made

A big mistake.

I think I just made

A big mistake.

(Bellowing roar)

Chris:

What was that noise?

Tie game!

Next dueling stick on the board

Is for the win!

(Cheering)

(Chanting)

Sugar! Sugar!

(Chanting)

Amy! Amy!

(Groans)

Ugh...

It's hard to feel motivated

When you're being called

The name of someone you hate.

(Screaming)

(Gasps) amy?!

(Menacing)

Samey!

Chris:

Uh, what-ey?!

Jasmine:

Ooh, this is bad.

Well, either amy is back

Or samey never left.

No, wait,

That's not right.

Did amy just call samey amy,

Or was amy calling samey...

And what was ella doing

Touching dave's arm?!

Samey's been pretending

To be amy the whole time.

I thought we all knew that.

Amy:

You'll pay for this, samey!

Samey:

Just like you always make me

Pay when we go to the movies?

Amy:

Agh! You're lucky

I let you sit behind me!

You're lucky

I don't tell everyone

You still suck your thumb!

Both:

You're the worst sister ever!

Chris

Team musk-wuk wins!

Huh?

What?!

(Cheering)

Aggghhhhh!

Oof!

Nothing like a sentimental

Family reunion

To get me all choked up.

Max:

I must thank you

For your contribution,

Minor as it was,

To my glorious invention

Of supreme evil.

Scarlett:

Oh, it was no big-

Max:

You have proven yourself

Un-useless

And therefore somewhat worthy

Of becoming my new sidekick.

You're welcome.

Sidekick?!

(Snarls angrily)

Shawn:

Jasmine, I am so-

I thought you were... You know.

Then dave said-

Urgh!

You know what?

I'm a jerk?

I missed on purpose

So that you

Wouldn't get eliminated,

And now I'm probably

The one going home!

So, uh,

Thanks for that!

She did that for me?

Huh.

This sounds crazy

But maybe there's more to life

Than preparing for the undead

To take over.

Maybe I should start thinking

More with my heart.

How could I let my feelings

For shawn distract me?

He is obviously not into me,

So...

It's time to get ruthless.

No more thinking

With my heart!

Chris:

To the victors

Go the spoils...

Compliments of spoilies

Second-hand food emporium,

Where one man's trash

Is another man's tapeworm!

Think fast!

Chris: oh, and ella?

Ella: yes?

You sing again,

You're off the show.

Got it? Good.

I bet you could change his mind

With a song.

(Muffled singing)

Now, one of you gotsta go.

Max, topher and scarlett,

You're safe.

Jasmine, you had a chance

To win it for your team,

But you let your emotions

Cloud your mind

And stop your intimidating

Physique from doing its job.

(Sighs)

Let's get this over with.

Hopefully you learn

From the mistake -

You're safe.

Samey, jasmine, and amy:

What?

Shawn:

Phew! She's safe.

Chris:

Which means...

That means samey,

As in her,

Has to go... Again,

Right?

Ugh! I'm amy!

How could anyone think

That was me?!

Samey's a bowl of mush

And I'm a parfait!

Which is german

For perfect.

So what's german for

"Bossy blonde cow"?

Rrrraaaahhh!

Shush! Which is polite

For shut it.

I do not care who's who.

You know why?

Because this time...

You're both going

Into the cannon!

(Gasps of horror)

Samey: no! Why me?!

Amy: why me?!

Samey: I'm the nice one!

Amy: she cheated!

Chris:

And to make it fair,

Maybe samey should

Come out first this time.

(Button beeps and cannon blasts)

Amy and samey: aggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

So nice to see family

Traveling together.

Wanna know who's next

To be gone?

It won't be long!

Right here on

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

Chris:

Next time on "total drama":

What do picnics,

Heartbreak,

And the heimlich manoeuvre

Have in common?

They all lead

To someone's elimination.

Wanna know who?

Whoa! What just happened?

Painful!

Looks like fun.

I can't wait to see this one.

On the next

"Total drama pahkitew island!"