05x19 - Mo’ Monkey, Mo’ Problems
Posted: 06/11/22 16:36
Chris:
Last time on
"Total drama pahkitew island":
The teens battled in the smash,
Splash, and - - -x dash;
Got to meet scuba bear.
That's right...
Scuba bear.
Shawn's fear of zombies
Really helped him out,
But didn't do much
For jasmine!
Sugar smacked the samey
Out of amy!
And after team mu-skwuk won,
Just to be on the safe side,
We put amy and samey
In the cannon!
We're down to nine,
Which is great,
And it's soon to be eight.
Who'll go kaput
And who'll stay put?
Let's find out
Here on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
♪♪♪
♪ I wanna be...
I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
♪ I wanna be...
I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
(Whistling chorus)
Max:
Hello?!
You there, sidekick.
Enough laying about.
Up-up-up... Uuuuup.
(Exasperated sigh)
Fetch food for my face,
Then I'll teach you more
In the ways of evil!
Yeah, he's starting
To annoy me.
(Inhales then sneezes)
(Sighs) a picnic is
The most romantic way to eat.
If you can get past the idea
That every bite
Might have bugs
Or animal droppings in it.
But I'm not gonna think
About that.
Shawn:
Didn't you say sky
Was hesitant
About getting into
A relationship?
No, all she said was,
"I like you too, but..."
The but could be anything.
Maybe it was
"I like you too,
But even more
Than you like me."
Shawn:
Uh-huh.
Sky's competitive, amigo.
She's not here
For a relationship,
She's here
For the million bucks.
Aren't you?!
I don't care about the money.
Shawn:
Sorry, what was that?
I couldn't hear
Over your insanity.
A million dollars
Dave:
Wouldn't you pay
For the chance
To be with your true love?
(Emotional squeak)
I'll go find sky for you.
(Inhales then sneezes)
I'll find sky,
Send her to dave,
Then go tell jasmine
How I feel.
I can smell your brain working,
Sky.
Sugar:
C'mon, girlo-a-girlo,
Tell big sugar what the up is?
I'm just- do you think there's
Anything between dave and ella?
Don't be silly.
Of course not!
(Giggles) yay.
Thanks, sugar.
Dave's flirtin'
With everybody.
What?!
What are you talking about?
He told me my right eye
Was even prettier than my left.
He's playing us girls
Like a herd of banjos.
You don't really think that,
Do you?
He's running a game
On you, sky.
Just sayin' is all.
Yeah,
That was a can of lies,
But the teams are going
To merge soon;
It's time to mess
With some minds.
(Ella hums)
Shawn, have you seen dave?
He's in the clearing,
Ready to bare his soul
For (sniff) love!
(Gasps)
My prince, david, is going
To confess his affection for me!
I only hope
He isn't planning a picnic.
The birds who follow me
Will eat everything.
(Bird chirps)
Yes, that includes you,
Allan.
Ella?
Ella:
Yes, prince david?!
Da-dave is fine.
Um, I kinda set out
This romantic picnic cause uh...
I'm listening.
It's for someone
Very special.
(Giggles)
Oh david, I'm so-
Dave:
And she's gonna be here
Any minute,
So would you mind...
Going away?
Like before sky shows up?
This is for... Sky?
Of course it is.
I'll just... (Stifles sob)
I'll, uh... You know...
(Bursts into tears)
(Sniffs then sneezes)
Dave:
Why do I keep smelling
This thing?!
Shawn:
Sky! Clearing!
So beautiful!
Can't give details,
But you gotta-
Chris:
Hey, teens!
Shawn:
Seriously?!
Chris:
Proceed to the meeting area.
It's time for me
To laugh at your pain!
There'll also be a challenge.
All right,
Let's do this!
But- aw, man!
Jasmine:
Hey, something's weird
With this island.
Those trees were closer
Yesterday,
And that mountain
Wasn't there before.
And I am % sure
You are a few koalas
Short of a swarm.
A swarm of koalas?
Cuckoo clock!
No really,
Something's not-
Shawn:
Jasmine! I need to tell you
How I feel!
Jasmine:
Me first.
I want you to stay away
From me.
We clear? Good!
I'm done with zombie boy's
Mixed messages.
First he's all sweet,
Then he hits me
With a dueling stick,
Then brings me flowers?!
If this is how
Canadian boys flirt,
I'd hate to see
How they propose!
Chris:
I'm giving ella and dave
One more minute,
Then they're cannon food.
Topher:
Hey! While we're waiting,
You and me could have
A host off!
Chris:
Hey! That's a horrible idea.
Topher:
Chris is intimidated
By my talent
And superior good looks.
My hair alone
Is a national treasure.
Babies envy my skin!
I should totally be hosting
This show!
Sky:
Ella! What happened?
Are you okay?
Ella:
I'm fine.
It's just that my heart
Is filled with sorrow.
Sugar:
(Huge laugh)
(Clears throat)
That was about something else.
(Sighs)
I thought dave liked me,
But it's you
Who captured his heart.
He does like me!
Yes!
I'm sorry,
And I'm sorry about my smile.
Are you okay?
Am I still smiling?
I am so sorry!
Dave:
Sorry I'm late.
I was uh-
Sky:
It's okay. Hi!
What am I doing?
I can't- I just-
What am I doing?!
Chris:
Today's challenge is called
Snack att*ck.
This vending machine
Only takes gold coins.
The first team to get their
Gold coin into the machine wins
And gets something to eat.
That sounds easy enough.
I was hoping one of you
Would say something like that!
Chef?
I'm giving the coins
To alfonse and betty here,
Who are now going to run away.
Sky: they're getting away!
Jasmine: let's go.
Stop! Nobody move!
The monkeys get a head start.
Gih-noh-say-wuk's monkey
Has a blue necklace.
Mu-skwuk's monkey
Is in the pink one.
Sugar, please step away
From the vending machine.
What? You've never licked
The glass of a vending machine
Hoping for a taste
Of cheesy flavoured
Nacho taco puffy pops?!
Live a little!
I have a secret w*apon.
Chris:
Okay. You can go after
Your monkeys
Right... Now!
(Air horn blasts)
I'm coming back for you,
With a rock.
That monkey's not gonna
Catch itself, sugar.
Ohhhh... Poop knuckles!
Come on!
That monkey could be halfway
To brisbane by now!
I have a few errands to run
And then I'll come find
You guys.
Errands? What?
Max:
I for one am done taking orders
From you, jazz-man.
Hee-yah!
Jasmine:
Nevermind,
I'll do it myself.
Max:
(Screams)
Evil will not be slowed
By a mere wedgy!
Yah! Oof!
Scarlett:
Max, do you know why
She doesn't fear you?
Because she has dumbface disease
And is a stinky, bad person!
No. It's because you are not
Embracing your true evil.
(Gasps)
How dare you!
True evil does
Not discriminate.
It is evil to all.
If jasmine and topher won't show
You the respect you deserve,
Teach them a lesson.
Max:
Yes. Yes!
An evil lesson!
I shall show them
The meaning of respect!
Scarlett has had three
Good ideas as of late.
It was brilliant of me
To allow her to be my sidekick.
Dave:
Sugar, hand me the banana
And I'll try and trade it
For the coinnnnnaaaugh!
What? You never said
The banana was part of
A monkey tricking plan.
Besides, you're better off usin'
The element of surprise!
(Splash)
(Laughs)
Shawn, dave, sky and ella:
Whoooooooaaaa!
(Gulps)
Shawn, dave, sky and ella:
(Gasps) noooooooooo!
(Whistling)
Oof!
Topher:
Chris! Dude, I am so sorry!
I was chasing the monkey and...
Have you seen him?
No? Okay. Thanks!
Note to self:
Start hating topher.
I got chris' cellphone.
(Laughs) so easy,
It was like taking money
From a monkey.
(Monkey screeches)
Ha!
Losing your jewelry
Won't help you, fella,
'Cause I am hot on your-
Jasmine:
Noooooooooooooooo!
Max:
The trap is set!
Once the team has the coin
And comes back this way
To the vending machine...
(Starts acting it out)
"Ooh! We're going to win
And max is a loser! Ha ha."
Snap! They'll be hoisted up
Into the air!
"Oh, help us, max! Help us!
We're losers now!"
"Not until you bow
To my evilocity
And make me your leader!"
Finally, you'll get the respect
You deserve.
(Still acting things out)
"Of course we'll serve you, max!
You're amazing and smart
And handsome!"
Don't forget charismatic!
"Oh, yes, of course,
We were just getting to that."
Scarlett:
We should go find jasmine now.
Max:
"Just being in your presence
Makes us..."
Wait! I haven't finished
Acting out
What's going to happen!
Sky:
Hold her, dave,
While I get the coin.
Yeah, did chris say anything
About pre-washing the monkeys
Or delousing them?
(Growling, gulp)
Are you kidding me?!
Sky:
Spit him out!
(Roars,
Everyone screams)
Chris:
If that's how it ends
For team mu-skwuk,
I don't think I could "bear" it.
(Chuckles)
What? Too hilarious?
Wanna see how angry
A bear can get?
Me too!
So stay tuned to
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Topher:
Hello, is this the executive
Producer of total drama?
Excellent.
I'm scribs hackly
Calling from a major newspaper
You've definitely heard of.
Question: how old is the host,
Chris maclean?
Sixty or sixty-five?
Really?
Guess those were hard years.
Have you ever considered
A younger host
With amazing hair?
I'll call you back.
I gotta run!
Ha! The seed of doubt
Is planted.
Jasmine:
Come on, which one of you
Has it?
Does this mean any one
Of these monkeys
Scarlett:
Could be our monkey?
Max:
Bah! Who does this belong to?
Speak!
(Growling)
(Splat)
Ah! They're throwing mud!
Jasmine:
That isn't mud.
Max:
Well, of course it's mud.
What else could it-
(Screaming)
Aagggghhhhhhh!
(Whimpers)
(Burps)
Shawn:
There's no way to solve this.
It's a coin wrapped in a monkey
Trapped in a bear.
Sugar:
We can get it back.
All we need is a bran muffin
And some bad cabbage.
Sky:
Ew! No!
The coin's in there,
So let's just bring chris
The bear!
(Gasps)
Yes, sky's plan to bring
The bear to chris is terrible
And will get us all k*lled,
But I wanna show her
I'd be a good boyfriend, so...
This is an awesome,
Awesome plan!
I am not terrified!
Let's do it! (Gulp)
Heeere, bear.
Heeere, bear bear bear.
Heeere, bear.
Good plan, sky.
I think he likes me.
Now, all we gotta- gah!
Aggghhhh!
Uh, still a good plan, sky.
This was totally my fault.
(Licks)
Dave: aggghhhhh!
And his armpit smells
Like burning tires.
Our best chance to find
Which monkey has the coin
Is by conducting
A neuroscientific experiment.
I mean it's no secret
That there's hyperactivity
In the mirror neurons
In primates, right?
(Laughs)
(Sighs) we play monkey see,
Monkey do?
Max: of course!
Jasmine: great idea!
Topher: love it!
Use. Little. Words.
Dave:
Help me! Help! Ack!
(Ferocious growling)
Don't help me!
Aagggghhhhhhh!
Sky:
We need to figure this out,
Fast!
Most people have to choose
Between beauty,
Grace and brains.
But I got both!
Woo-hoo!
Oh dear!
If only there was some way
One of us
Could calm this bear down
In some sort of musical
Singy fashion
And save poor dave.
Ella! Sing to the bear!
Sing to it!
Sky:
Ella:
I-i can't!
Chris said that if I sing again
He would send me home.
Sugar:
Chris ain't here
And who would tell
On a teammate?!
Not me!
Sky:
He'll never know, ella.
Sing!
Ack! Whatever you do,
Can you hurry it up?
Oh...
Jasmine:
Come on, monkeys.
Wave your hands in the air!
(Monkeys screech)
Cool guy double point
To the camera!
Whoa! Slow down!
This is tricky!
Scarlett:
Throw a coin in the air!
(Coins clink)
(Monkeys screech)
Jasmine:
Ha! Gotcha.
Thanks, mate!
Let's go!
Ready! Hey!
Where'd everybody go?!
Agh! Can't. Breathe.
Sky:
Please! You have to sing, ella!
All right,
I'll do it!
(Snow white-esque vocal warm-up)
Time for walkies,
Mr. Bear!
(Panting)
Scarlett:
Max, what did you use
To mark the trap?
No need to mark
The location!
I know precisely
Where it is!
(Shwoink)
All: whoa!
Max:
See? Here it is now.
The plan was for max
To be the only one
Not in the trap
So that the team would know
He built it and vote him off.
Now I need to find a clever way
To make him admit it.
(Sigh)
This won't be easy.
Jasmine:
Argh! I bet sky made this trap!
Max:
(Laughs)
Wrong, fool!
It was i! Me!
(Cackles)
Much easier than I thought.
(Laughs)
Ella:
♪ Walking with a bear ♪
♪ It doesn't matter where ♪
♪ The sun is out ♪
♪ And I haven't got a care ♪
Topher:
I've never seen such
A happy bear.
Not even in cereal
Commercials.
If we lose this challenge,
Guess who I'm voting for?!
Um, not a mind reader!
Jasmine:
Unbelievable!
(Grunts with effort)
How do we get down?
Max:
Escape is impossible!
This trap was built by
The world's most evil mind!
There is no esca-eeeee!
All:
Aggghhhhh! Oof!
Chris:
Is this bear in a trance?
How did you manage that?
Sugar:
Jig's up, we gotta tell him!
Ella-
Sky:
I hypnotised him!
The point is,
We have the coin!
Right. You say the coin's
Inside the monkey,
Which is inside this bear.
That's the story
You all agreed on?
It's the truth!
Enough's enough!
I'm taking the bear
By the horns!
(Bear growls)
All right, fuzzy.
Chuck up that critter!
(Spits)
(Gags)
(Spitting)
C'mon,
I know it's in there!
All:
Ew!
We got a winner!
All right, monkey,
You're next.
Oh! Ew!
Don't do that!
Sugar:
Hold still, betty!
You're only making it worse!
Ella:
Oh my! Please stop!
Jasmine:
Here comes the coin!
Search that monkey,
Sugar!
Dave: jasmine's almost here!
Shawn: find that coin!
A-ha! Ta-daaaa!
Going down that critter's throat
For the nickle was nothing.
I had to haul a pigeon
Out of my dog once.
It wasn't pretty,
But I wasn't about to let him
Eat my dinner!
Don't spend it all
In one place.
Chris:
Ugghh! Gotta get it
In the vending machine to win,
Sugar.
Jasmine:
Coming through!
All:
Oh no!
(Jasmine pants)
Sugar:
Easy peazy!
(Gasps)
All:
Yes! Woo! All right! Yaaaaay!
Chris:
Whoa! Game over!
Team mu-skwuk wins
The challenge!
Bear:
(Slurping)
(Licks,
Belches)
Today's snack food is
From our japanese affiliate:
It's chef hatchet's total drama
Yum yum happy go time
Candy fish tails.
Okay, team gih-noh-say-wuk,
It's time for you to vote
To determine who's going
In the cannon,
And tonight, I need everyone
At the elimination ceremony!
Chris:
Team gih-noh-say-wuk has voted.
The following players are safe:
Jasmine, scarlett, topher.
And the person going home
Tonight is... Max!
What?! Revenge!
You shall regret ever having
Met me, chris mclean!
Little late for that.
The pain I will inflict
On you will-
Chris:
But! Max is not going home
Tonight.
Max:
Ha! Fear got the better of him!
Chris:
It has come to my attention
That a certain singer
Has sung her swan song.
Sorry, ella.
I received an anonymous note
About it.
Actually,
It was an ug-nomy-nist note,
But... Whatever,
You're going home.
(Sighs)
Yeah, so I spelled
"Ugnaminus" wrong,
Who cares?
Ella is g-a-w-n gone!
Ella:
So long, everyone.
I enjoyed our time together.
Don't be sad, sugar.
Be happy!
Okay! I'll try!
(Stifles snicker)
At least now I am free
To sing whenever I want.
Which is always!
(Music begins)
Chris:
What the-? I didn't okay
A musical bit!
♪ My time on the show
Is finished and done ♪
♪ But that's not to say
I didn't have fun! ♪
♪ I'll do my best not to cry ♪
♪ But now I have
To say goodbye! ♪
Chris:
No! Knock it off!
Ella:
♪ I came on total drama
And survived it just fine! ♪
♪ With only minor damage
To the base of my spine! ♪
♪ I give all my best try ♪
♪ But now I have
To say goodbye! ♪
♪ I'll miss you all,
From tall to the small, ♪
♪ And even this little gnome! ♪
Max:
Hey!
Ella:
So long, my prince,
You made my heart wince,
And now I'm headed home!
♪ I broke the rules
And now I'm paying the price ♪
♪ And soon will be launched
From this cannon device! ♪
♪ I'll do my best
Not to die! ♪
♪ 'Cause now I have
To say goodbye! ♪
(Ka-blam)
And that's enough of that.
As tempting as it is
To see how many kids
I can stuff into the cannon,
Eight remain!
Who's next to show us
Their cannon-do spirit?
Find out next time on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Chris:
On the next "total drama":
Things really get rolling...
Into a pit!
Heh! That looks painful!
Ooh! That'll leave a mark.
First team to the top wins,
But it ain't gonna be easy!
(Laughs)
Looks like fun!
Who will suffer
And who will surface?
Find out on the next
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Last time on
"Total drama pahkitew island":
The teens battled in the smash,
Splash, and - - -x dash;
Got to meet scuba bear.
That's right...
Scuba bear.
Shawn's fear of zombies
Really helped him out,
But didn't do much
For jasmine!
Sugar smacked the samey
Out of amy!
And after team mu-skwuk won,
Just to be on the safe side,
We put amy and samey
In the cannon!
We're down to nine,
Which is great,
And it's soon to be eight.
Who'll go kaput
And who'll stay put?
Let's find out
Here on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
♪♪♪
♪ I wanna be...
I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
♪ I wanna be...
I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
(Whistling chorus)
Max:
Hello?!
You there, sidekick.
Enough laying about.
Up-up-up... Uuuuup.
(Exasperated sigh)
Fetch food for my face,
Then I'll teach you more
In the ways of evil!
Yeah, he's starting
To annoy me.
(Inhales then sneezes)
(Sighs) a picnic is
The most romantic way to eat.
If you can get past the idea
That every bite
Might have bugs
Or animal droppings in it.
But I'm not gonna think
About that.
Shawn:
Didn't you say sky
Was hesitant
About getting into
A relationship?
No, all she said was,
"I like you too, but..."
The but could be anything.
Maybe it was
"I like you too,
But even more
Than you like me."
Shawn:
Uh-huh.
Sky's competitive, amigo.
She's not here
For a relationship,
She's here
For the million bucks.
Aren't you?!
I don't care about the money.
Shawn:
Sorry, what was that?
I couldn't hear
Over your insanity.
A million dollars
Dave:
Wouldn't you pay
For the chance
To be with your true love?
(Emotional squeak)
I'll go find sky for you.
(Inhales then sneezes)
I'll find sky,
Send her to dave,
Then go tell jasmine
How I feel.
I can smell your brain working,
Sky.
Sugar:
C'mon, girlo-a-girlo,
Tell big sugar what the up is?
I'm just- do you think there's
Anything between dave and ella?
Don't be silly.
Of course not!
(Giggles) yay.
Thanks, sugar.
Dave's flirtin'
With everybody.
What?!
What are you talking about?
He told me my right eye
Was even prettier than my left.
He's playing us girls
Like a herd of banjos.
You don't really think that,
Do you?
He's running a game
On you, sky.
Just sayin' is all.
Yeah,
That was a can of lies,
But the teams are going
To merge soon;
It's time to mess
With some minds.
(Ella hums)
Shawn, have you seen dave?
He's in the clearing,
Ready to bare his soul
For (sniff) love!
(Gasps)
My prince, david, is going
To confess his affection for me!
I only hope
He isn't planning a picnic.
The birds who follow me
Will eat everything.
(Bird chirps)
Yes, that includes you,
Allan.
Ella?
Ella:
Yes, prince david?!
Da-dave is fine.
Um, I kinda set out
This romantic picnic cause uh...
I'm listening.
It's for someone
Very special.
(Giggles)
Oh david, I'm so-
Dave:
And she's gonna be here
Any minute,
So would you mind...
Going away?
Like before sky shows up?
This is for... Sky?
Of course it is.
I'll just... (Stifles sob)
I'll, uh... You know...
(Bursts into tears)
(Sniffs then sneezes)
Dave:
Why do I keep smelling
This thing?!
Shawn:
Sky! Clearing!
So beautiful!
Can't give details,
But you gotta-
Chris:
Hey, teens!
Shawn:
Seriously?!
Chris:
Proceed to the meeting area.
It's time for me
To laugh at your pain!
There'll also be a challenge.
All right,
Let's do this!
But- aw, man!
Jasmine:
Hey, something's weird
With this island.
Those trees were closer
Yesterday,
And that mountain
Wasn't there before.
And I am % sure
You are a few koalas
Short of a swarm.
A swarm of koalas?
Cuckoo clock!
No really,
Something's not-
Shawn:
Jasmine! I need to tell you
How I feel!
Jasmine:
Me first.
I want you to stay away
From me.
We clear? Good!
I'm done with zombie boy's
Mixed messages.
First he's all sweet,
Then he hits me
With a dueling stick,
Then brings me flowers?!
If this is how
Canadian boys flirt,
I'd hate to see
How they propose!
Chris:
I'm giving ella and dave
One more minute,
Then they're cannon food.
Topher:
Hey! While we're waiting,
You and me could have
A host off!
Chris:
Hey! That's a horrible idea.
Topher:
Chris is intimidated
By my talent
And superior good looks.
My hair alone
Is a national treasure.
Babies envy my skin!
I should totally be hosting
This show!
Sky:
Ella! What happened?
Are you okay?
Ella:
I'm fine.
It's just that my heart
Is filled with sorrow.
Sugar:
(Huge laugh)
(Clears throat)
That was about something else.
(Sighs)
I thought dave liked me,
But it's you
Who captured his heart.
He does like me!
Yes!
I'm sorry,
And I'm sorry about my smile.
Are you okay?
Am I still smiling?
I am so sorry!
Dave:
Sorry I'm late.
I was uh-
Sky:
It's okay. Hi!
What am I doing?
I can't- I just-
What am I doing?!
Chris:
Today's challenge is called
Snack att*ck.
This vending machine
Only takes gold coins.
The first team to get their
Gold coin into the machine wins
And gets something to eat.
That sounds easy enough.
I was hoping one of you
Would say something like that!
Chef?
I'm giving the coins
To alfonse and betty here,
Who are now going to run away.
Sky: they're getting away!
Jasmine: let's go.
Stop! Nobody move!
The monkeys get a head start.
Gih-noh-say-wuk's monkey
Has a blue necklace.
Mu-skwuk's monkey
Is in the pink one.
Sugar, please step away
From the vending machine.
What? You've never licked
The glass of a vending machine
Hoping for a taste
Of cheesy flavoured
Nacho taco puffy pops?!
Live a little!
I have a secret w*apon.
Chris:
Okay. You can go after
Your monkeys
Right... Now!
(Air horn blasts)
I'm coming back for you,
With a rock.
That monkey's not gonna
Catch itself, sugar.
Ohhhh... Poop knuckles!
Come on!
That monkey could be halfway
To brisbane by now!
I have a few errands to run
And then I'll come find
You guys.
Errands? What?
Max:
I for one am done taking orders
From you, jazz-man.
Hee-yah!
Jasmine:
Nevermind,
I'll do it myself.
Max:
(Screams)
Evil will not be slowed
By a mere wedgy!
Yah! Oof!
Scarlett:
Max, do you know why
She doesn't fear you?
Because she has dumbface disease
And is a stinky, bad person!
No. It's because you are not
Embracing your true evil.
(Gasps)
How dare you!
True evil does
Not discriminate.
It is evil to all.
If jasmine and topher won't show
You the respect you deserve,
Teach them a lesson.
Max:
Yes. Yes!
An evil lesson!
I shall show them
The meaning of respect!
Scarlett has had three
Good ideas as of late.
It was brilliant of me
To allow her to be my sidekick.
Dave:
Sugar, hand me the banana
And I'll try and trade it
For the coinnnnnaaaugh!
What? You never said
The banana was part of
A monkey tricking plan.
Besides, you're better off usin'
The element of surprise!
(Splash)
(Laughs)
Shawn, dave, sky and ella:
Whoooooooaaaa!
(Gulps)
Shawn, dave, sky and ella:
(Gasps) noooooooooo!
(Whistling)
Oof!
Topher:
Chris! Dude, I am so sorry!
I was chasing the monkey and...
Have you seen him?
No? Okay. Thanks!
Note to self:
Start hating topher.
I got chris' cellphone.
(Laughs) so easy,
It was like taking money
From a monkey.
(Monkey screeches)
Ha!
Losing your jewelry
Won't help you, fella,
'Cause I am hot on your-
Jasmine:
Noooooooooooooooo!
Max:
The trap is set!
Once the team has the coin
And comes back this way
To the vending machine...
(Starts acting it out)
"Ooh! We're going to win
And max is a loser! Ha ha."
Snap! They'll be hoisted up
Into the air!
"Oh, help us, max! Help us!
We're losers now!"
"Not until you bow
To my evilocity
And make me your leader!"
Finally, you'll get the respect
You deserve.
(Still acting things out)
"Of course we'll serve you, max!
You're amazing and smart
And handsome!"
Don't forget charismatic!
"Oh, yes, of course,
We were just getting to that."
Scarlett:
We should go find jasmine now.
Max:
"Just being in your presence
Makes us..."
Wait! I haven't finished
Acting out
What's going to happen!
Sky:
Hold her, dave,
While I get the coin.
Yeah, did chris say anything
About pre-washing the monkeys
Or delousing them?
(Growling, gulp)
Are you kidding me?!
Sky:
Spit him out!
(Roars,
Everyone screams)
Chris:
If that's how it ends
For team mu-skwuk,
I don't think I could "bear" it.
(Chuckles)
What? Too hilarious?
Wanna see how angry
A bear can get?
Me too!
So stay tuned to
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Topher:
Hello, is this the executive
Producer of total drama?
Excellent.
I'm scribs hackly
Calling from a major newspaper
You've definitely heard of.
Question: how old is the host,
Chris maclean?
Sixty or sixty-five?
Really?
Guess those were hard years.
Have you ever considered
A younger host
With amazing hair?
I'll call you back.
I gotta run!
Ha! The seed of doubt
Is planted.
Jasmine:
Come on, which one of you
Has it?
Does this mean any one
Of these monkeys
Scarlett:
Could be our monkey?
Max:
Bah! Who does this belong to?
Speak!
(Growling)
(Splat)
Ah! They're throwing mud!
Jasmine:
That isn't mud.
Max:
Well, of course it's mud.
What else could it-
(Screaming)
Aagggghhhhhhh!
(Whimpers)
(Burps)
Shawn:
There's no way to solve this.
It's a coin wrapped in a monkey
Trapped in a bear.
Sugar:
We can get it back.
All we need is a bran muffin
And some bad cabbage.
Sky:
Ew! No!
The coin's in there,
So let's just bring chris
The bear!
(Gasps)
Yes, sky's plan to bring
The bear to chris is terrible
And will get us all k*lled,
But I wanna show her
I'd be a good boyfriend, so...
This is an awesome,
Awesome plan!
I am not terrified!
Let's do it! (Gulp)
Heeere, bear.
Heeere, bear bear bear.
Heeere, bear.
Good plan, sky.
I think he likes me.
Now, all we gotta- gah!
Aggghhhh!
Uh, still a good plan, sky.
This was totally my fault.
(Licks)
Dave: aggghhhhh!
And his armpit smells
Like burning tires.
Our best chance to find
Which monkey has the coin
Is by conducting
A neuroscientific experiment.
I mean it's no secret
That there's hyperactivity
In the mirror neurons
In primates, right?
(Laughs)
(Sighs) we play monkey see,
Monkey do?
Max: of course!
Jasmine: great idea!
Topher: love it!
Use. Little. Words.
Dave:
Help me! Help! Ack!
(Ferocious growling)
Don't help me!
Aagggghhhhhhh!
Sky:
We need to figure this out,
Fast!
Most people have to choose
Between beauty,
Grace and brains.
But I got both!
Woo-hoo!
Oh dear!
If only there was some way
One of us
Could calm this bear down
In some sort of musical
Singy fashion
And save poor dave.
Ella! Sing to the bear!
Sing to it!
Sky:
Ella:
I-i can't!
Chris said that if I sing again
He would send me home.
Sugar:
Chris ain't here
And who would tell
On a teammate?!
Not me!
Sky:
He'll never know, ella.
Sing!
Ack! Whatever you do,
Can you hurry it up?
Oh...
Jasmine:
Come on, monkeys.
Wave your hands in the air!
(Monkeys screech)
Cool guy double point
To the camera!
Whoa! Slow down!
This is tricky!
Scarlett:
Throw a coin in the air!
(Coins clink)
(Monkeys screech)
Jasmine:
Ha! Gotcha.
Thanks, mate!
Let's go!
Ready! Hey!
Where'd everybody go?!
Agh! Can't. Breathe.
Sky:
Please! You have to sing, ella!
All right,
I'll do it!
(Snow white-esque vocal warm-up)
Time for walkies,
Mr. Bear!
(Panting)
Scarlett:
Max, what did you use
To mark the trap?
No need to mark
The location!
I know precisely
Where it is!
(Shwoink)
All: whoa!
Max:
See? Here it is now.
The plan was for max
To be the only one
Not in the trap
So that the team would know
He built it and vote him off.
Now I need to find a clever way
To make him admit it.
(Sigh)
This won't be easy.
Jasmine:
Argh! I bet sky made this trap!
Max:
(Laughs)
Wrong, fool!
It was i! Me!
(Cackles)
Much easier than I thought.
(Laughs)
Ella:
♪ Walking with a bear ♪
♪ It doesn't matter where ♪
♪ The sun is out ♪
♪ And I haven't got a care ♪
Topher:
I've never seen such
A happy bear.
Not even in cereal
Commercials.
If we lose this challenge,
Guess who I'm voting for?!
Um, not a mind reader!
Jasmine:
Unbelievable!
(Grunts with effort)
How do we get down?
Max:
Escape is impossible!
This trap was built by
The world's most evil mind!
There is no esca-eeeee!
All:
Aggghhhhh! Oof!
Chris:
Is this bear in a trance?
How did you manage that?
Sugar:
Jig's up, we gotta tell him!
Ella-
Sky:
I hypnotised him!
The point is,
We have the coin!
Right. You say the coin's
Inside the monkey,
Which is inside this bear.
That's the story
You all agreed on?
It's the truth!
Enough's enough!
I'm taking the bear
By the horns!
(Bear growls)
All right, fuzzy.
Chuck up that critter!
(Spits)
(Gags)
(Spitting)
C'mon,
I know it's in there!
All:
Ew!
We got a winner!
All right, monkey,
You're next.
Oh! Ew!
Don't do that!
Sugar:
Hold still, betty!
You're only making it worse!
Ella:
Oh my! Please stop!
Jasmine:
Here comes the coin!
Search that monkey,
Sugar!
Dave: jasmine's almost here!
Shawn: find that coin!
A-ha! Ta-daaaa!
Going down that critter's throat
For the nickle was nothing.
I had to haul a pigeon
Out of my dog once.
It wasn't pretty,
But I wasn't about to let him
Eat my dinner!
Don't spend it all
In one place.
Chris:
Ugghh! Gotta get it
In the vending machine to win,
Sugar.
Jasmine:
Coming through!
All:
Oh no!
(Jasmine pants)
Sugar:
Easy peazy!
(Gasps)
All:
Yes! Woo! All right! Yaaaaay!
Chris:
Whoa! Game over!
Team mu-skwuk wins
The challenge!
Bear:
(Slurping)
(Licks,
Belches)
Today's snack food is
From our japanese affiliate:
It's chef hatchet's total drama
Yum yum happy go time
Candy fish tails.
Okay, team gih-noh-say-wuk,
It's time for you to vote
To determine who's going
In the cannon,
And tonight, I need everyone
At the elimination ceremony!
Chris:
Team gih-noh-say-wuk has voted.
The following players are safe:
Jasmine, scarlett, topher.
And the person going home
Tonight is... Max!
What?! Revenge!
You shall regret ever having
Met me, chris mclean!
Little late for that.
The pain I will inflict
On you will-
Chris:
But! Max is not going home
Tonight.
Max:
Ha! Fear got the better of him!
Chris:
It has come to my attention
That a certain singer
Has sung her swan song.
Sorry, ella.
I received an anonymous note
About it.
Actually,
It was an ug-nomy-nist note,
But... Whatever,
You're going home.
(Sighs)
Yeah, so I spelled
"Ugnaminus" wrong,
Who cares?
Ella is g-a-w-n gone!
Ella:
So long, everyone.
I enjoyed our time together.
Don't be sad, sugar.
Be happy!
Okay! I'll try!
(Stifles snicker)
At least now I am free
To sing whenever I want.
Which is always!
(Music begins)
Chris:
What the-? I didn't okay
A musical bit!
♪ My time on the show
Is finished and done ♪
♪ But that's not to say
I didn't have fun! ♪
♪ I'll do my best not to cry ♪
♪ But now I have
To say goodbye! ♪
Chris:
No! Knock it off!
Ella:
♪ I came on total drama
And survived it just fine! ♪
♪ With only minor damage
To the base of my spine! ♪
♪ I give all my best try ♪
♪ But now I have
To say goodbye! ♪
♪ I'll miss you all,
From tall to the small, ♪
♪ And even this little gnome! ♪
Max:
Hey!
Ella:
So long, my prince,
You made my heart wince,
And now I'm headed home!
♪ I broke the rules
And now I'm paying the price ♪
♪ And soon will be launched
From this cannon device! ♪
♪ I'll do my best
Not to die! ♪
♪ 'Cause now I have
To say goodbye! ♪
(Ka-blam)
And that's enough of that.
As tempting as it is
To see how many kids
I can stuff into the cannon,
Eight remain!
Who's next to show us
Their cannon-do spirit?
Find out next time on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Chris:
On the next "total drama":
Things really get rolling...
Into a pit!
Heh! That looks painful!
Ooh! That'll leave a mark.
First team to the top wins,
But it ain't gonna be easy!
(Laughs)
Looks like fun!
Who will suffer
And who will surface?
Find out on the next
"Total drama pahkitew island!"