01x08 - My Baby Only Drinks the Good Stuff

[bunniefuu]

- How's the energy? - Not good.

- People are very upset.

- And our polling numbers? - Down in the Northeast.

- Let's hope this works.

Well, let me start by saying how deeply sorry I am.

I made a mistake yesterday here while at a campaign stop at Philly's Prize.

I ordered a cheesesteak protein style.

The Amoroso roll locks in the flavor! You're right to be upset, and I never meant to disrespect anyone by eating a bowl of meat and whiz.

I've learned that a person isn't defined by the mistakes that they've made, but how they respond to them.

You know, it's a lesson I learned not too far from here when I was 15, living in Bethlehem.

I was fighting, stealing, lying.

- You must be rich.

- Yeah.

- And all around Just messing up.

- What are you doing? I can't believe it.

He stood me up.

But I really liked this girl, and I was desperate for her to give me a second chance.

What the hell? It's 6:15 in the morning.

I know, but you won't answer my calls.

I'm sorry for standing you up the other night.

I wanted to meet you, but I had family stuff.

Please let me make it up to you.

Karen, someone's at the door for you.

Dwayne, what are you doing here? - It's 6:15 in the morning.

- What's happening? Oh, that was my twin sister Lisa.

She goes to St.

Francis.

She and the nuns have been at odds so she's been in a bad mood lately.

I didn't know you had a twin.

There's a lot you don't know about me.

Maybe if you'd shown up for our date I'm sorry.

Like I told your your sister, I didn't mean to stand you up, but my mom I have to get ready for school.

And my dad, well, he was trying to make up for his own mistakes too.

- Ah, cockroach! - Hey, hey, no, no, no.

It's not a cockroach.

It's just a rose in full bloom.

Dewey went out for an early run.

We have the house to ourselves.

The music is playing, and I can give you a massage.

Ah, no, it's okay.

I'll just sing to myself while I stretch.

We need to get ready for work.

Babe, I swear I wasn't partying at that wrestling convention.

I had to stay overnight for meetings.

Come on, Rocky, we're all going to the bar.

Sounds like an important meeting.

Babe, wrestling deals are made over a six pack of beer and country It's just hard to hear you partying while I'm here trying to parent our son and pay our bills, which is why we can't be late for work.

You should return that rose.

We can't afford romantic flowers right now.

Babe.

What are you doing? Stop eating jam.

We're out of breakfast stuff.

I told you if we run out of something, write it down on the grocery list.

I did.

Morning.

What's going on? Girl troubles.

Our son was eating jam straight from the jar.

Oh, that's Gabe.

- Gotta go.

- Need a ride to school? No, no, no, no, it's cool.

I have a ride.

What's up? Ah, this car would not be popular with the ladies, but it would be hilarious in a police chase.

Your car is a real embarrassment, Gabe.

Yeah, it's kind of for work.

Do you think it's okay that I left it in the alley? Oh, yeah.

Don't worry about that.

Nobody touching that piece of garbage.

Now this, this is a car.

See these seats? Genuine leather.

The dash, that is tortoise shell.

- You know how you can tell? - 'Cause of the pattern.

- Because of the pattern.

- Real nice, Mr.

Johnson.

Yeah, sorry I can't let you sit down.

Next time, bring a towel or wear pants without rivets.

Oh, I'm good.

Happy to hover.

My quads are burning, but it's a good burn.

Wait till Karen sees you pull up to school in this car.

Make her forget you stood her up.

- Yeah.

- Oh.

Baby's running low on fuel.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no.

Ugh, I'm a little light this morning.

Hey, Gabe, you got a couple extra bucks I can borrow? Oh, I got my dad's gas card but I'm only supposed to use it for the pizza car.

I won't tell if you won't.

Can someone scratch my nose for me? Have a good day at school, and when your friends ask, she's a 1987 Lincoln Continental Givenchy Designer Series.

What an exit.

No, dude, dude, let's not walk by the field.

- Let's use the side entrance.

- Why? The assistant football coaches are out, and they won't leave me alone.

They're always harassing me.

Dude, what are you talking about? All right, fine.

I'll show you.

Let's go! Let's go! Hey, champ.

Where you walking to on those big legs? Is your father a 747? 'Cause you got a hell of a wingspan.

Damn, son, you got a body like a filet mignon.

It's rare.

Come on.

Don't be like that.

Just run a cone drill.

Five minutes.

Hey, knock it off, will you, guys? - Leave the kid alone.

- Sorry, Coach Cwik.

Unbelievable, right? What's the big deal, man? They want you to play.

Man, the only game I'm interested in playing is trying to get another sh*t with Karen.

Ah, so you playing the deadliest game: love.

What the? What are y'all staring at? - What are you doing? - Diane won't notice.

You sound just like Dewey.

She's definitely gonna notice.

Uh-oh, they're the wrong way.

They should be face forward, bum to the wall.

I like to feel seen.

Wow, this place looks so great, and so fast.

Well, we have four hands now, so we'll be able to get things done a lot quicker.

Ata, can I talk to you for a minute? I'm finally going to the Galapagos! I'm going to be part of an immersive nature experience where you observe wildlife up close, like Darwin.

I have to get special shoes so I don't slip on the rocks.

Oh, my God, that's amazing.

I told you you needed to treat yourself.

I'll be gone two months.

I know that money is a concern, so I wanna pay you extra today along with all the perishables in my fridge.

Oh, no, no, that's not necessary.

I insist, and I'll call you the moment I get back.

Oh, have a great trip.

I hope you like root vegetables because I went crazy at the farmers market.

I was shopping nervous.

Well, if you're gonna stare, I'ma give you a show.

Oh, there it is.

No, we're not talking to him.

Hi, can I speak to Karen for a second? - Are you gonna be okay, Karen? - I'm okay.

Thanks, Karen.

- Karen strong.

- Bonnie out.

But Bonnie watching.

I'm so sorry for bailing on dinner the other night.

Please give me a second chance.

Here, I got you something to apologize.

- I love animals wearing sunglasses.

- I know.

You told me when we watched "The Tonight Show" together on the phone.

Okay, I'll give you another chance.

Yes! Babe, that's amazing.

If you show me that you take this relationship seriously.

Yeah.

Have me over for dinner with your parents Friday night.

Why? Haven't you already met my dad? For, like, one second.

I wanna meet your mom.

And I'm not getting stood up again, so I'm coming to where you live.

Look, I like you, but either you think I'm parent meeting material, or we're done.

- Okay, fine.

I'll pick you up at 6:00.

- 5:30.

I'm doing this thing where I don't eat lunch, so I'll be a grump by 6:00.

See you Friday.

So? Karen wants to come over and have dinner with my parents.

- Yo, that's great, man! - No, dude, it's terrible.

She thinks I'm rich.

She's gonna find out I've been lying.

She can't see where I live.

It's embarrassing.

Well, dude, maybe she won't care about that.

She's gonna care about it, man.

You haven't seen her house.

Looks like the bad guy's house in a kid's movie.

- God, I gotta find a bathroom.

- Oh, anxiety butt? I had that bad during PSATs, dude.

- Boy's room is right over there.

- Those stalls are too small.

Only seven weeks till spring break.

- Let's not talk, man.

- Yeah.

Whatever.

I'll catch you later.

All right.

Take it slow.

The thought of Karen coming over was messing me up.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of taking it out on the wrong person.

Coach Cwik.

What the hell are you doing in here? This the teachers' lounge.

I'm too big for the regular bathrooms.

Boy, you better get the hell out.

- No one else is even in here.

- Out.

Man, today is not the day.

Make me say it one more time, we'll have a real problem.

Okay, sure.

I'll leave after I wash my hands.

Oh, you're gonna be a son of a bitch? I'll call the principal.

- Principal Bogg? - Uh-huh.

Tell him Officer Dwayne Johnson said what's up.

Pass me a paper towel.

Know what, never mind.

I'll get my own.

Get out! Later, boss.

Do you want me to put in a tape? I got some Neil Diamond; Earth, Wind & Fire Why do I feel like I'm the only one who's worried? Diane was our twice-a-week client.

Losing her is a big hit, and rent is due next week.

Babe, we always figure this out.

I'm gonna see Afa and Sika at the gym later.

I'll see if they got any local matches coming up.

And we should ask around, find out if anyone - needs a cleaning service.

- Mm.

Maybe put an ad in the paper, although that costs money.

Everything costs money.

This bag smells.

You called him boss after you shoulder-checked him? - Power move.

- I was just pissed off.

It's this Karen dinner.

It's making me crazy.

Well, did you tell your parents she's coming over? I'll tell my dad at the gym later.

Maybe he can help me figure out what to do.

Maybe if you ask your mom to make you something fancy for dinner, then Karen won't notice your apartment.

Fancy like what? Like turkey burgers? Turkey burgers? You give a girl a turkey burger, she should spit in your face.

I mean, you can make it classy, you know, with, like, a salad or something.

Turkey makes you sleep, and it makes you fart, Dwayne.

You looking to sleep and fart, or you looking to have a little fun? Fine.

Then what should we have? I got three words: linguini and clams.

- Nah, I don't think - Listen to me.

Women go wild for linguini and clams.

Clams are an aphrodisiac.

Something about them on top of linguini drives women crazy.

Something in the sauce, it mixes with their DNA.

I don't know 'cause I'm not a doctor.

I don't know if it's the electrons or the hormones or what, but when clam juice and linguini hits a woman's bloodstream, huh All hell breaks loose.

If it works so good, then why isn't it on our menu? 'Cause we don't have insurance for that! A bunch of crazy women ripping our seats out? Come on! Sorry.

Bye.

Ata.

Hi.

Look, before you say anything, Toby's been let go.

We had no idea about his history when we hired him, and what can I say? - He's a master manipulator.

- Who's Toby? So you're here for a class? No, actually, I need to cancel my platinum jazz plan.

Oh.

It's not that I don't love it.

I do.

It's just a bit too much money right now.

Oh, okay.

Um, I don't know if you read the fine print on your Jazzport membership card, but there are no refunds.

Come on, Stephanie.

It's me.

Okay, I am not supposed to do this, but I can offer you 10% off your next platinum plan if you renew today.

We take cash, check, or credit card.

The only thing we no longer accept is Toby bucks.

- Fellas.

- Hey Hey, y'all talk to Hal? He got any local matches on the horizon? Nah, he's got nothing coming up.

Hmm, all right, well, you hear anything, let me know.

- All right.

- Hey, Dad.

- Uncle Afa, Uncle Sika.

- Hello, Dewey.

- Dewey, give me a spot.

- Mustache coming in strong.

That weight was too light.

Hey, I need to ask you something.

I got a problem with this girl.

Oh.

Uh, okay.

You and this lady had some fun, but now there are consequences, and you need help dealing No, Dad, Karen wants to come over for dinner tomorrow night.

Well, I'm relieved to hear that, Son.

You scared me for a second, there, Dewey.

What a wild few seconds that was.

But her family's rich, and I sort of led her to believe that I was rich too, and now The chickens have come home to roost.

I understand.

You were working a gimmick, and you cornered yourself.

I guess I should just come clean to her then, right? Wrong, son.

What you gotta do is work the gimmick even harder.

'Sup, Karen? Or Lisa? No, it's me, Karen.

Lisa's in a room with my parents.

She just told them she's a lesbian.

- Nice car.

- Thanks.

It's a Lincoln Continental Givenchy Designer Series.

I've never seen you drive this to school.

You know, a lot of kids bombing around there with their learner's permits.

I don't trust them around my baby.

I brought éclairs.

The cream is called Chantilly, which is also what I want to call my daughter.

Beautiful.

I'm planning to go to Barbizon Modeling School - after I graduate! - That makes sense! - You're so pretty! - Thank you! Can we turn this music down? Sorry, I was just trying to show you the six-speaker stereo.

Most cars only have four so Anyway, I got discovered eating a chocolate bar at Hershey Park.

I'm planning on being a catalog model because they don't have the same height requirements as runway, and I'm business-minded about it.

You comfortable? These seats are genuine leather.

And you see this dash? Tortoise shell.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

So how far is it to your house? Instead of going to my house, I thought we could just drive around, enjoy the elegance of my Conty.

Dwayne, I told you I didn't eat lunch.

- I'm gonna need some food.

- No problem.

I got us a reservation at the most romantic spot in the city.

Isn't this picnic nice? You enjoying your linguini with clams? No, the wind blew dirt in it.

Yeah, I guess it really does pick up at night.

Here, have some of mine.

Watch out with that fork.

You're really close to my eyes.

- Stop! - Sorry, it's just so dark.

Hold on.

Dwayne! Oh, no, here comes the moths.

The lights, turn off the lights! Okay, we can eat in the car, but we really can't spill on the seats.

I wanna have dinner at your house with your parents! I was looking forward to your mom cooking us a traditional meal from your homeland of origin.

She's from Samoa.

That is what I want.

Some lovely Samoan food.

Take me to your house or take me home.

Okay, fine.

Let's go to my house.

Here we are.

Let me just oh, I forgot my house key.

My mom hates it when I ring the doorbell late at night.

It disturbs the horses.

I guess we got to do this another time.

Dwayne, this is the mayor's house.

I know that because I threw up here on a field trip after I ate too many circus peanuts.

All right, fine.

I don't wanna take you to my house, okay? I know you think I'm rich because I wear nice clothes and my dad is famous, but I'm not.

We live in a crappy apartment, and my mom cleans houses with my dad when he's not lucky enough to be wrestling in flea markets.

I didn't wanna tell you because you obviously wouldn't understand.

Your house is perfect.

You're perfect.

And yeah.

Do I like that you're poor? No.

But I hate that you lied to me about it.

So, yeah, maybe I am a little shallow.

You didn't even give me a chance.

Take me home.

For real this time.

You know what? This wasn't half bad.

It's turnip pie.

You want another piece? No.

I mean, uh, I'm so full.

This Jazzercise contract is crazy.

I don't think there's any way out of it.

Listen to this.

"Every dispute will be settled by Christine.

" Is she the one with the thick back? There he is.

How'd that date go? - Terrible.

- I don't understand.

Did you double down on the gimmick like I said? Yeah, and it blew up in my face.

What's going on? Dad told me to work the gimmick extra hard, and it backfired, so now Karen hates me and the mayor's security team has our license plate number.

Why do we have red celery? Okay, it's rhubarb from the farmers market, and we're all gonna eat it.

I need you two to stop working the gimmick and start working on a solution a real solution because we've got real problems like rent being due in a few days.

We could get evicted.

That should be your priority, not what some girl thinks.

Whatever that is, son don't eat it.

Where's your car? I sold it.

What do you mean you sold it? And I got good money for it too.

- You know, it's a Givenchy - Designer Series, yes, I know.

Rocky, I can't believe you sold your car.

- You love it so much.

- We needed to pay rent.

I can ride with Afa and Sika if I book any shows, and we can sign a cheap lease on a van, which will be better for the business.

I'm working the solution.

Hey, can you drop me off at school on your way to work? Thanks for giving us a ride to work, Gabe.

No problem.

I have some parmesan and crushed red pepper packets in the glove box if anyone's feeling snacky.

It's crazy you had to sell your car, Dad.

You loved that thing.

Yeah, but I love your mom even more.

It's about taking responsibility.

What my dad said really resonated with me.

I had messed up things with Karen, but I still had a sh*t to do something right.

Hey, Coach Cwik, you got a second? Hey, big fella.

Looking big! Not now, Barry.

I know I acted like a jerk.

I've been stressed lately about a lot of things, and I took it out on you, and I'm sorry.

I appreciate that.

I appreciate that apology very much.

Tells me who you are, right, as a man.

Thanks for giving me another chance.

Hey, we all deserve a second chance.

I want you to play football for me.

Coach, I don't got time for that.

I mean, my family Hey, I don't want to cross a line here or anything.

You live out in the East Side, right? I grew up around there too.

Football can open doors for guys like us.

This game can get you into college, take you who knows how far.

Out there is opportunity.

You work your ass off, give yourself a chance.

You really think I got a sh*t? You got the size.

If you got the talent, sky's the limit.

All right.

I'll be here tomorrow.

Good for you.

Hey, that's it, Marcus! You know, when you give someone a second chance, you never know how they could surprise you.

If I hadn't apologized to Coach Cwik, I never would have found football, and football gave me direction.

It gave me discipline, but, most of all, it gave me hope for a better future for my family.

Go Eagles! I didn't know it then, but that moment, that apology when I was 15, well, that changed the course of my life.

We all deserve a chance to learn from our mistakes, and I hope the people of Philly will give me a second chance to make them proud.

Go Eagles!