02x08 - Corpus Christi

[bunniefuu]

I came as soon as I heard.
How's the big guy holding up?

It's not looking good.

The doctor's
in there with him now.

I'm afraid
he's not gonna make it.

To his campaign event.

Candidate Johnson's
sick with food poisoning.

He'll be down
for about 24 hours.

24 hours?

Okay, no one
can leave this room

until we find out
who's behind this.

We all have our reasons
for wanting

to poison Candidate Johnson.

What?

No, it was Chef Susan.

She made a batch
of bad clam chowder.

There was a new seafood guy
at the farmers' market.

I don't get it.

You came so highly recommended
from Courteney Cox.

Cox has made
a powerful enemy.

Which one of you
is Randall?

Um, you don't recognize me?

I used to be an actor.

- Uh, he's asking for you.
- Really?

Coming, Dwayne.

Knock, knock.

Uh...

just let me, uh, find a lamp.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Keep it dark.

The cones in my eyes
are sensitive when I'm sick.

Randall, I need your help.

Yeah, of course.
What do you need?

Can you tie this tie
for me?

You told me you worked
at Brooks Brothers

for a summer, right?

Well, for seven years,
actually.

But why are you
getting dressed?

The doctor said
you need to rest.

No, no, no, I can't rest.

There's no time for rest.

The election is happening
in three days,

and I'm just getting
momentum back in my campaign.

I gotta keep going.

Dwayne, you've been
food poisoned.

Randall, when you're faced
with challenges,

sometimes you gotta
answer the call,

like that time back in 1996
when I got a call

from Pat Patterson that...

Changed my life.

You ever been
to Corpus Christi?

Yes, of course, many times.

I hadn't.

Well, WWF
is taping down there,

and Vince wants to take
a look at you in a dark match.

That's the match for the crowd
before the real show starts.

A dark match for Vince,
sounds good.

All right, we'll send
the plane tickets over,

and you'll fly out tomorrow.

You got it.

Uh, then what happens?

Oh, you make your debut.

Hopefully you don't
stink up the joint,

and you go from there.

Just get down here.

You got your own
wrestling gear, right?

Yeah, of course.

I didn't.

Great,
we'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you, Mr. Patterson.

Looking forward to it.

That part was true.

Whoo-hoo!

Dewey, this is incredible!

Your first match ever
is for the WWF?

Did you hear that,
High Chief?

It's finally happening.

You need to tell
everybody in heaven.

Wake up Jesus
if you have to.

Wait, they want me
to fly out tomorrow.

I've gotta train Pam
at the gym.

I'll take care of that.

Hello, gym?
Dwayne quits. Tell Pam.

What's next?

Uh, I need
some wrestling gear.

Can I borrow some trunks?

Tights?

I'm not making
my wrestling debut

looking like
some broke-ass Robin Hood.

You know towards the end,
I didn't train legs.

Maybe your Uncle Tonga
got some trunks you can borrow.

Now, my Uncle Tonga
was a legend.

Hey.

Hey!

I know you can hear me.

You know, just because
your sport is fake

don't mean your ears
are fake too.

Just enjoying
my fish and chips.

Well, don't fill up
before your fake fight.

You want to go?

He bit my nose off!

More tartar sauce, please.

Then I got back
to my fish and chips.

But the man's wife
wasn't...

Uncle Tonga,
you know I love this story,

and, uh, I can't wait
to tell it to my kids one day.

It's just,
I'm kind of in a rush.

I'm wrestling
for Vince tomorrow,

and I need to borrow
some gear.

You're wrestling
for Vince?

Mm-hmm.

Then I have some advice
for you.

Remember who you are.

What do you mean?

A lot of things
are about to change for you.

People are going
to want to change you.

So just remember
who you are.

So I had my dad's
too-small boots,

my uncle's
too-big trunks,

and I was ready
to show who I was.

I just needed
to make one more call.

Hey, Dany.

Hey, it's good
to hear from you.

Yeah,
I know it's been a while,

but I was waiting
to reach out

until I had some good news.

I'm doing what I said I'd do.

I'm giving
this wrestling thing a sh*t,

and now somehow
I'm wrestling a match

for the WWF this weekend.

Oh, that's amazing.

I mean, I kind of already knew.

Your mom called and told me.

Yeah, of course she did.

That's incredible, though.

So how do you feel?

Um, nervous but confident.

And I know what I gotta do.

And you're gonna do it.

You've been busy if the WWF
is already auditioning you.

How many matches
have you had now?

None?

Wait, you mean, like,
no WWF matches.

No, no matches period, Steve.

This is my first one ever.

I arrived in Corpus Christi

and was picked up
by my opponent,

WWE veteran Steve Lombardi,
AKA The Brooklyn Brawler.

Steve actually broke my dad
into the WWF,

and now he was doing
the same for me.

Sold out.

15,000 fans.

Oof, hell of a way
to make your debut.

Your first match
in front of Vince McMahon

and 15,000
screaming fans,

your career
in the balance.

I know you were excited.

But weren't you
also terrified?

I was running
on adrenaline.

Plus, I was
where I wanted to be.

And, uh, I was just really
focused on giving it my all.

But first,
I would meet the man

in charge of my match
that night,

the legendary ex-wrestler

The Free bird,

Michael "P.S." Hayes.

It's an honor
to meet you, sir.

Spent hours practicing
your moonwalk in junior high.

Well, I see Rocky's boy's
got good taste.

Yeah.

You know your uncles
The Wild Samoans broke me in?

I do, and I
just want to say

I'm so grateful
for this chance.

Yeah, well, I'm grateful
the hotel bar

stays open till 3:00 a.m.

Now, look,
this is your first match.

I don't want
to overcomplicate things.

Brawler here
is a ring general.

You need to follow his lead
and keep it simple.

You got six minutes,
and that includes entrances.

No more, no less.

Yeah, you got it,
so what about the finish?

How do you want Brawler
to go over?

Kid...

Vince didn't fly you here
to lose.

You're going over.

The only thing crazier
than having your first match

on a WWF stage
in front of 15,000 people

was actually
winning that match.

It was unheard of.

Dwayne!

I wanted to call my parents

and tell them the news,

but there was
so much going on.

Luckily they figured out
a way to stay informed.

Hoo-hoo!
Y'all know what this is?

A computer, Rocky.

So you're familiar.

Luckily this fell off the back
of a Circuit City truck.

And the sound.

Okay, now all we gotta do
is log in

to the WWF AOL chat room,
find someone in Corpus,

and they'll give us
some updates.

"Hello,

it's Rocky Johnson."

Jim Hellwig,
The Ultimate Warrior.

What great luck
getting him on the first try!

Guess my name
still carries some clout.

"I'd like an update

"on tonight's dark match

in Corpus Christi."

What?

"I'm not trying

"to deny you anything.

I just want updates
on my son's dark match."

"I breathe the air
that smells of combat."

Damn it, Jim,
now's not the time.

This isn't working, Rocky.

We need to come up
with another plan.

- Dewey, baby!
- Hey, Sheiky baby!

The Iron Sheik
was still wrestling?

No, but he had just been
hired back as a heel manager.

I just talked to Rocky.

I promised I'd call
during your match,

give family updates,

like Dan Rather at Berlin Wall.

Man, Dad's always
working the angles.

Excuse me, bubba.

I need to find jabroni
Ultimate Warrior.

He's been very rude
in chat room.

Jim!

Jim, where are you?

Jim Hellwig!

Hey, Dwayne Johnson.

Steve Austin.

The man who revolutionized
the wrestling business,

in my opinion,
the greatest of all time,

but back then,
he was simply known as...

The Ringmaster.

Yeah.

I'm a huge fan of your stuff
in WCW, by the way,

Stunning Steve,
Hollywood Blondes.

What, um...

- Happened?
- Yeah.

Long story short,
Vince gave me

this Ringmaster gimmick,

where I'm a great technician
in the ring,

but I never talk.

Like, ever?

He says my wrestling
does the talking.

And does it?

Hell yeah,
but my words

are pretty damn good
at talking too.

But it could be worse.

They call that Mantaur.

What territory
you come out of?

Uh, Tampa-ish.

How long you been working?

Uh, this is my first match.

What?

Whoa.

Did he just say
this is his first match?

I'm Dwayne Johnson.

Nice to meet you.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

And this guy
who looked like he was late

for a fox hunt
would one day become...

And now Triple H is one of my
closest friends in wrestling,

but back then,
we were planting the seeds

on what would grow
into a classic rivalry.

You know,
in a few months, I should be

Intercontinental Champion.

Nice,
that's the same title

Don Muraco let me wear
when I was ten.

It feels really good.
You'll like it.

Nice.
When I win,

I'll make sure to send you
an autographed picture.

Maybe you can sell it and buy
some matching ring gear.

Nice.

Hey, speaking of gear,

did you need any help
polishing this cane?

'Cause I would gladly
like to shine it up,

turn it sideways,
and stick it straight up...

Hey, it's Rocky's kid.

Mick Foley.

Heard about you
winning tonight.

Tough break.

What do you mean?

Well, if you were losing,

there'd be hardly
any pressure.

When you win,
Vince is gonna be looking

for that crowd reaction.

Could decide whether you
stay in the big leagues or not.

The pressure is on.

Have a nice day!

Don't sweat it.

Go out there.
Do your thing.

Have some fun.

Meanwhile I'm pretty sure
I'm getting fired.

The Undertaker.

I was in total awe
of his presence.

I'd only heard him say
the words "rest in peace,"

so what came
out of his mouth next

stayed with me
for the rest of my life.

Oh, this is so freaking cool.

Undertaker.

I just, uh, wanted
to introduce myself

and show my respect.

I'm Dwayne Johnson.

I'm wrestling
in tonight's dark match.

Go tear it up, kid.

Make them remember you.

Dwayne.

Showtime.

Got it.

Showtime.

Time to be the man
in the arena.

Time to answer the call.

My name is Bruce Prichard.

- What are we calling you?
- Uh, Dwayne Johnson.

Dwayne Johnson?
That's it?

That's it.

Do you know who I talk to
for some entrance music?

Oh, you want
some entrance music.

I'll fix you up something nice.

Great.
Oh, Mr. McMahon.

- Ah.
- Dwayne Johnson.

I just want to let you know

how grateful I am
for this opportunity.

Pat said we should
take a look at you.

You know, your dad
provided us

with many great memories
over the years.

Looking forward
to seeing all you've got.

- I won't let you down.
- All right, now.

So did it ever cross
your mind that the history

between Vince and your dad
would be an issue?

No.

Vince is a businessman,
and I knew

he was always
thinking big picture.

Plus, if there was any heat
between my old man and Vince,

they kept it
between themselves.

Hmm.
What's it say?

Ooh, "Too hot,
get out of the kitchen."

What?

Oh, it's one of those
novelty thermometers.

Oh.

That's fun.

I really
just don't feel well.

Yeah.

Aw.

Ah!
You good?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Remember,
doesn't matter if you work

ten years or ten minutes.

You made this moment happen,

and you control
what happens next.

Huh?

Well, that's when I learned
not to ask

for ring entrance music.

Hey, six minutes starts now.

Time to go.

This was it,
my big sh*t.

And I was gonna
soak it all in.

From Miami,
weighing 272 pounds,

Dwayne Johnson!

Who the hell are you?

Who is this guy?

And from New York,
weighing 253 pounds,

The Brooklyn Brawler!

As Brawler made
his way to the ring,

I thought to myself,
"Six minutes.

Six minutes to change
the course of my life."

Let's see what you've got,
kid.

Ding, ding, ding.

All right!

Take that, you punk!

Who's the man?
Who's the man?

Yeah!

Go back to Miami!

And the crowd goes mild.

Dewey has Brawler
in the corner.

He's kicking him in the gut.

Is he hurt?

You can tell if he's hurt
or just selling, right?

Are his kicks smooth?

They better be. The boy
just had to show his legs.

His legs look great, bubba.

Jabroni moose, move!

What do we do now?

Give it a second and sell.

These people care
about you at all,

they're gonna let us know.

So I leaned in
to what my dad had taught me.

This wasn't the time
for flashy moves.

I needed to connect
with the crowd

and make them
give a damn.

Let's go dude!

This was
a huge moment for me.

When you're
an unknown baby face

and you get a positive
response from the crowd,

it means you're
doing something right.

Comeback time.

Make it a great one.

Oh!

Man, I was feeding
off their energy,

and that feeling
was indescribable.

Okay, okay.

One, two, three!

The winner of this contest:
Dwayne Johnson!

Dewey wins!

Dewey number one!

Hell yeah.

He's green as grass,
but what an athlete.

Like his old man.

I get goose bumps hearing
you talk about that match.

It was epic, I have to say.

Reminds me of my first
stage experience at UCLA.

It was the day
before my first play,

an all-Asian adaptation
of "The Hudsucker Proxy,"

and I hadn't slept all night.

Randall, what are you doing?

Sorry, I got carried away.

So you win your first match.

That must have felt incredible.

Oh, it did, but, you know,
more than the joy,

it was standing
in the middle of that ring

and feeling the crowd, and...

for the first time
in my life,

I felt like I was home.

Great job, dude.

Great job.

- Good job, man.
- Thank you guys.

Thank you, sir.

Bro, did you hear that?
They popped!

Yeah, what does that mean?

It means
they gave a crap,

and they cheered
when you won.

Thank you.
I won't ever forget this.

Hey, you know
what this watch says?

Six minutes exactly.

- Hey!
- Just like your wedding night.

Dewey, follow me.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, of course.

People are impressed.

They can't believe
it's your first match.

I haven't felt
anything like this.

Vince wants you to come
to the TV taping

in San Antonio
tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

See you there, kid.

So what happened
in San Antonio?

Well, I had
my second dark match,

which I lost,
but it went great.

And after that,
I was summoned

to the WWE headquarters
in Stamford, Connecticut,

to have a one-on-one meeting
with Vince McMahon,

which I was told could be more
intimidating than any match.

But, uh, I really wanted
to impress Vince,

so I wore the best outfit

that a broke-ass kid
with seven bucks

could put together:

My finest mom jeans,

a five-year-old
Tommy Hilfiger shirt,

and a pair
of custom snakeskin boots

that I got up in Calgary.

Dwayne, thanks for coming.

No problem.

Great to see you.

- Oh, nice boots.
- Yeah.

Hope you didn't get 'em
custom for this meeting.

No, I can't afford boots
like these.

- They were free.
- Ah.

I got them with a coupon
from Jeff Garcia's gift bag

when I was in the CFL.

Can't b*at free.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

Dwayne, I think you have
a lot of potential.

I mean, you are
a complete natural out there.

- Thank you.
- You did great.

But you're not ready
for the WWF.

Okay.

Which is why
I'm sending you to Memphis.

Memphis, that's, uh,
Jerry Lawler's promotion.

Exactly.

You'll go down there,

learn the fundamentals,
you know,

ring psychology,
how to cut a promo.

When you're ready,

we'll call you back up
to the WWF.

Some wrestlers
stayed in Memphis for months,

some for years.

Some never got the call.

But I wasn't fazed,
because this was my sh*t.

Thank you so much, Vince.

And again, truly grateful
for this opportunity.

You got a car as nice
as those boots?

Uh, no, the last car I had

had a homeless guy
living in it.

Well, get one.

You're gonna be driving
all over the territory.

No problem.

You got a place to stay
in Memphis?

Yeah, I have family there.

Welcome home, brother.

Oh, there he is. There he is.

You're looking sharp, man.

Well, come on.

Sweet dreams, big prince.

Oh, uh, I didn't just kiss you.

- Ah!
- Ah.

Finally The Rock
has come back...

- To his kitchen.
- To his kitchen.

Oh, that was awesome.

I feel so much better,

and I want to apologize
for yesterday.

I know we lost
a crucial day

in the homestretch
of this campaign.

Actually, sir, no,
we didn't miss a b*at.

General Jackson,
freshly out of the hospital

after her incident
in Tennessee,

stepped in
for all of your events.

Your VP did "Meet the Press,"

visited a construction site,

and ran a half marathon.

Ah, so she answered

- the call.
- She answered the call.

Damn it, thought we could go
two-for-two

- with the in-unison statements.
- Mm.

Mm, try it again?

Yeah.

- So she answered the call.
- So she an...

No, it's not there.

We lost the moment.

- So she answered the...
- Nope.