04x22 - Doug Out

[bunniefuu]

- Garnet: # We # - # Are the Crystal # - Steven: # Gems # - # we'll always save the day # Steven: # and if you think we can't # All: # we'll always find a way # - # that's why the people # - # of this world # Garnet: # believe in Garnet # - # Amethyst # - # and Pearl # Steven: # And Steven! # Thanks for the bits, Peedee.

Oh, and tell Ronaldo I hope his weird rash clears up soon.

[Grunts]

Life can get really intense, huh? Yeah, especially your life.

Let's see alien abduction.

Going to a weird zoo for humans in space.

And sneaking out right past a pair of intergalactic tyrants! [Both laugh]

Well, it's nice to know we can still have peaceful days like this without any trouble.

- Mm.

Oof.

- Almost.

[Laughs]

Man: Hey, kid! Drop those fry bits.

Drop 'em! - Oh, no, it's the cops! - Huh? All the years of ordering off menu have finally come back to taunt me! You mean haunt you? Steven, that's not even a police car.

- It's just - I surrender! I knew I was breaking the rules, but I did it anyway! The bits had their hooks in me! [Laughs]

Dad, quit joking around.

Come on, Connie! I almost had him.

Mr.

Maheswaran? [Sighs]

Wow, I didn't think he'd take it that seriously.

You okay there, Steven? Oh, yeah.

I love it down here.

And how's my swashbuckling swashbuckler doing? I'm good.

You know, Steven, maybe you're dehydrated.

Probably from eating that garbage before dinner.

Respectfully, fry bits are not garbage.

Don't worry, Steven.

He's just messing with you.

[Chuckles]

Sorry, Steven.

Let's get you up.

What are you even doing in Beach City, Dad? I'm out here on a job, actually.

The private security company I work for got a call from a Mr.

Harold Smiley stating that someone's been lurking around Funland after hours.

So, I'll be here all night on a stakeout.

- Whoa, a stakeout! - Dad, that's so cool! Yeah, it is pretty cool, huh? Protecting the citizens of Beach City.

- Just like you guys! - Wouldn't that be fun, Steven? I'd love to go on a stakeout sometime.

Maybe you guys could help out tonight.

- What?! - What?! Even though we're not officially sanctioned security personnel? Hey, why not? It's probably just some kid loitering.

Hey, kid! Yes, hello? The sign above you says no loitering.

They get younger every year.

So, y'all ready for this? Some of these teens can use some pretty strong language.

Hey, Steven, you want to help ruin some teen's night? Always.

[Whispering]

Coast is all clear behind us.

Things seem pretty quiet so far.

Well, yeah.

Nobody's even gonna try hopping the fence with us here.

But you never know.

Sometimes, I actually leave the car.

- Wow.

- Wow.

I'm sure you guys do lots of waiting when you're saving the world.

It can't be all bam-pow action all the time.

Aw, I wish.

There's a lot of fighting.

I mean, I kind of inherited an intergalactic w*r.

Hey, Dad, what's this box? Oh, I just confiscated that from a kid who was shoplifting in a costume shop.

Whoa! You could totally use these for disguises.

Don't you ever need to go undercover? How do you know I'm not undercover right now? Just kidding.

[Chuckles]

I need these to see.

But if you guys want to play with that stuff, go ahead.

Okay.

Well, I want to be undercover.

I'll be [Music]

Veronica Cucamonga.

[Italian accent]

It's a-me, Peter Pizzapoppolis from Italia! Pizzapoppolis? That sounds Greek.

You sure you don't want anything, Dad? There's a clown nose back here.

[Nose squeaks]

No, thanks.

Being a security guard is no joke, which is why they equip us with these.

Wow! A flashlight! Yeah.

It gets pretty dark out there.

[Crash]

What was that?! [Music]

Mama mia! The fence-a! How on earth did this happen? If this were some punk with a pair of bolt cutters, this would be a clean cut.

But this chain looks like it was torn apart.

This was no kid.

Well, if it wasn't a misguided teen, what could it be? It's up to us to find out.

Sounds like we better investigate.

Cucamonga, Pizzapoppolis.

Both: Right! Huh? [Music]

Hello? This is security! You are trespassing on private property.

Do not attempt to make yourself a corn dog.

Funland Incorporated is not liable for the harm you may incur while trying to operate a deep fryer without a license.

You need a license to operate a deep fryer? [Crashing]

Whoa.

Hey, stop right there! [Panting]

Follow my lead.

[Grunts]

- Don't move! - Connie: Did we lose them? Which a-way did they go so fast-a? Mouths closed, eyes and ears open.

- Hm.

- Hm.

[Wind whistling]

[Creaking]

Bad move, chump.

That space ship's permanently earthbound.

Gotcha! I mean freeze! Oh, man.

Are we dealing with some sort of escape artist? Hey, Steven, maybe we should get our weapons.

That won't be necessary.

We're not here to escalate the situation.

Besides, a good security guard only needs their trusty flashlight.

[Clank]

Hey! Open up this instant! Yeah, let us out! [Grunts]

[Electricity hums]

The ride's moving! [Music]

- We got to shut it off! - Don't worry.

I'll just use my trusty flashlight.

[Grunts]

Oh, no! The laws of physics! Ow! - You okay, Dad? - Yeah.

I've got a new idea, though.

This time, I'll throw it at an angle.

- Dad, I don't think that'll work.

- Go! [Grunts]

Aah! [All screaming]

We got to get out of this spicy meatball! [Grunts]

Hey, this part isn't moving at all.

Steven! [Grunts]

Sorry! [Electricity hums]

[All groaning]

Listen, you bodybuilding escape artist criminal, this isn't a game.

You've endangered an officer of the law and two small children.

Show yourself before you get into serious trouble! Steven, do you think maybe it's some kind of Gem mutant or monster? It could be, but it trapped us.

The monsters and mutants aren't that smart.

Could we be dealing with a Homeworld Gem? Homeworld? Gem? Mutant? I, uh well, whatever it is, if someone's trespassing, they'll have to answer to me.

[Music]

It's so quiet.

[Electricity hums, carnival music plays]

[All gasp]

I can't believe this.

They're mocking us.

Show yourself! What is it that you want here? Prizes? Fun? You think this is the place to get your kicks? You sick monster.

Destroying the sanctity of this land of fun! Behind you! [Grunts]

Dad! [Normal voice]

Mr.

Maheswaran! Uh, don't worry.

I'm fine.

- Just there they are! - Come on, Steven! I'm right behind you! You're not getting away this time! [Music]

- That's a lot of gumballs! - Jump! [Grunts]

Aah! [Grunts]

- It's time to give up! - There's no way out! Doug: Gumballs? Aa-aa-ah! [Grunts]

[Groans]

Hey, kids.

The culprit's at the end of this corner, Dad.

Good work, you two.

Now, let's shed some light on this subject.

Wait.

Onion! You? What are you doing here? We're in the middle of a very important investigation.

Dad, I think this is who's been causing all this trouble.

Onion, it's me, Steven.

Steven Universe.

[Murmuring frantically]

That's just Mr.

Maheswaran.

Oh, my gosh, did you think a bunch of strangers were chasing you? No wonder you were trying to throw us off your trail.

Onion, everything's okay.

It can't just be a kid.

It doesn't make any sense! What about that huge shadow? I think the flashlight just made him look big.

But the fence was ripped apart! I have seen him use a blowtorch before.

I also found this piece of fabric stuck in the fence.

[Groans]

Of course.

- It's never actually something.

- What's wrong? Nothing's wrong.

It's just my job isn't like the exhilerating adventures you've been having with Steven or the life-threatening emergencies your mom deals with at the hospital.

The most action I see is telling kids to quit loitering around.

I was hoping maybe you'd get to see me take on a serious job, but I guess all I'm good at is being your silly, old dad.

[Gasps, grunts]

You're right.

You are silly, but that's why I like hanging out with you.

I've got enough serious things going on in my life.

Sometimes I just want to spend time with my dad.

Thanks.

[Chuckles]

You're a keeper, Veronica Cucamonga.

[Laughs]

Well, kid, this may have been a big misunderstanding, but you're still in trouble for this fence.

Oh, yes, you are.

Just let him off the hook on this one.

We already scared him straight.

The law must be different for someone his age.

[Sighs]

You learned your lesson? Then you're free to go.

[Car door opens, closes, engine starts]

And remember, kid, no loitering.

I don't know how I'm gonna explain this back at the office.