15x05 - To Eat or Not to Eat/S.W.E.A.T.

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Arthur". Aired: October 7, 1996 - February 2022.*
Watch on Amazon Merchandise Toys


Arthur demonstrates to kids how to deal with challenges as homework, teachers and bullies.
Post Reply

15x05 - To Eat or Not to Eat/S.W.E.A.T.

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Every day, when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say, hey ♪

Hey.

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to
your heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ Place to start ♪

♪ And I say, hey ♪

Hey.

Hey.

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we can learn to work
and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey.

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey.

♪ What a wonderful kind
of day ♪

Hey.

ARTHUR (on TV):
Hey, D.W.

Hey.

Whoa.

(loud thud)

(letters shattering)

BUSTER:
Elwood City--

a place where any crazy thing
can happen, and usually does.

Something was
in the air that night...

(sniffing)

as tantalizing
as a fresh-baked cherry pie

cooling on Grandma's
windowsill.

(sirens blaring)

A crazy stew was brewing,

the ingredients boiling
in a pressure cooker

like a can of soda
ready to explode.

All this talk about food
was making me hungry.

I grabbed an apple...

(door squeaks)

And then she walked in.

(gasps)

You've got to help me.

(laughing evilly)

My Supercoolossal Slushcupatron

will give you
a bionic brain freeze.

ANNOUNCER:
New! New! New!

From Rabid Dog Extreme.

The Radically Rabid
Big Boss Bar.

So full of super-energizing
goodness,

your mouth might just explode!

A million sparkles
in every bite.

You'll flip for the spark.

Rabid Dog!

(dog growling)

We have just witnessed
greatness.

Don't you want to watch
the rest of the cartoon?

Got. To. Have. It.

, , ...

Oh, yeah!

Sweet, sweet candy bars,
mine, all mine.

Aw, I'm too late!

Aha!

"A million sparkles
in every bite."

I wonder what would happen
if I swallowed it whole.

Oh, it looks so good.

I gotta have it.

But it's the last one.

So good.

Last one.

Maybe I'll save it
for lunch.

(laughing)

MRS. MacGRADY:
Tofu stew with organic veggies

and the merest whisper
of ground cardamom.

Enjoy!

I'm more interested
in dessert.

May I see it?

"Azoshintetratarticmonoxide
acid,

"concentrated
monopazomidetetradioxide
substitute,

Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly?"

What's that?

Beats me, and I know food.

Be wary of ingredients
you've never heard of

and can't pronounce.

You're better off with this.

Fresh off the tree
and on the house.

Oh.

Well, maybe I'll try
to find out what it is.

It's probably harmless.

BINKY:
Sorry, but I can't help you out.

Come on, Binky.

I'll pay you back.

George, I'm not
a charity.

I need to take care
of my paying customers.

FERN:
More sparkles,
if you please!

Thanks.

Later.

BUSTER:
I was getting a funny feeling
about this candy.

Sure, kids are sweet
for sweets,

but something about this bar
wasn't on the up and up.

Spill it, Sugar.

What's the beef?

I said,
mixing my food metaphors.

They're spreading lies about me.

Horrible lies.

Bum rap, huh?

Who's spreading lies,
Cupcake?

The Candy Man.

He knows the truth,
but he won't say.

BUSTER:
Whoever this Candy Man was,

I bet he had answers,
and I had questions.

Plenty of them.

I'm on the case,
Sweetheart.

What are you looking at,
fruit snack?

(dog barking)

(tires squealing,
engine revving)

(horn honks)

BUSTER:
The slippery sucker
got away clean,

and all I was left with...

(sputtering)

was a soggy fedora.

(kids all talking excitedly)

More sparkles! More sparkles!

(squealing with delight)

It's all there.

I swear.

It better be.

Mmm.

Yay!

It contains an impressive
array of chemicals.

Most of the Periodic Table
of Elements is included here.

Even some of the
radioactive ones.

(Fern squealing and giggling)

That would explain
some things.

Look.

Oxylavamonotrine.

That's a coloring agent.

It's made out of bugs.

Could you repeat that?

I thought you said "bugs."

I did say "bugs."

That blood red color

comes from boiled female
cochineal insects.

There are bugs in this?

What about this...
Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly?

Is that made
from bugs, too?

I don't know.

I've never heard of it.

But whatever it is, there's
a whole lot of it in there.

See? You can tell

because it's one of the
first ingredients listed,

which means there's more of it
than the ones listed below it.

This egghead stuff
was too much for me.

It was going to take some
old-fashioned detective work

to cr*ck this case.

The Candy Man was a wash,

but I figured I might pick up
a clue if I followed the dame.

We ended up
in the seedy section of town,

a nasty neighborhood where
the worst ingredients hung out.

Suddenly, the Candy Man
slithered out of the shadows.

What was she doing
with these creeps?

I'd have to dig deeper
to find the answers.

(snoring)

Okay, let's see what the
Rabid Dog homepage has on...

"Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly."

(dog barking and growling)

(raucous music;
wheels whirring loudly)

Shh!

(noise stops)

Okay, let's see: "Candy: An
Important Part of Every Meal."

Ah. "Ingredients."

(gasps)

The type is so small.

Ah, here we go.

"Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly."

Huh? What happened?

Weird.

(kids groaning)

(both groaning)

I feel hot and dizzy.

Is somebody spinning
the library?

BUSTER:
This candy bar was starting
to smell rotten,

no matter what a pretty
package they put her in.

It was time for me
to have a heart-to-heart

with Little Miss Sweetness.

BUSTER:
Everywhere you go,

you leave a trail
of misery.

Can I help it
if people like me?

I was born delicious.

You're mixed up with a bad
crowd, and I want to know why.

What do you want me to say?

That I'm sweet and pure
like Suzie Applecheeks there?

Well, I'm not.

I'm exciting and unique
and... and... complicated.

(sobbing)

I'll say.

Here.

I hate to see candy cry.

Wow!

You are delicious!

Told you.

Want some more?

I felt myself getting
sucked in.

There was only one person left
I could turn to.

A "Big Boss Bar"?

Buster, you don't
want to eat this.

Yes, Mom, I do.

At least I think I do.

I just want all the facts first.

Well, you've come
to the right place.

Want to take a tour with me

of Rabid Dog
corporate headquarters?

You can do that?

I've got a few favors
I can call in.

(phone dialing)

(dog growling)

ANNOUNCER:
Every Rabid Dog product is made
with the finest ingredients.

Our Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly
comes from pure zorn extract.

Each TEZJ molecule is lovingly
crafted by over scientists.

But what is it?

It's our special
ingredient.

I'd tell you,

but then it wouldn't be
a secret.

(clears her throat)

Bitzi Baxter from
the Elwood City Times.

Thank you for
meeting us, Mr....?

Just call me Supreme Dog.

We're very informal here.

Well, if it's all right,
Mr. Supreme Dog,

my son has a few questions
about your Big Boss Bar.

Like why they're
so darn tasty?

No.

Like why my friends
can't stop eating them.

Oh, that's easy.

I'll show you.

When you bite
into a Big Boss Bar,

molecules of Tri-Enzomated
Zorn Jelly attach themselves

to parts of your brain
and make you happy.

But when the little
molecules die,

your brain gets sad
until you eat some more.

Are you saying these candy
bars are... addictive?

Certainly not.

I'm saying they're delicious.

Whatever you're saying,
I don't want this anymore.

Here. You eat it.

Oh, no, no, thanks.

I just had one.

No, you didn't.

You'd still be sparkling.

Or jumping.

Easy, little feller.

Just put the bar down.

Take a bite.

It's your product.

No, keep it away
from me!

Keep it away from me!

"We are sorry to inform you

"that Supreme Dog has had
to take a personal day.

The interview is over."

I think I know what tomorrow's
headline is going to be:

"Candy Company Cons Kids."

BUSTER:
The ace reporter
had a new story

and I had lost my sweet tooth.

(chatter on police radio)

Sorry, kiddo, but I'm
gonna cut you loose.

I thought you were my friend,

but you're just like
all the others.

You made me feel like
a million bucks, baby,

but now I know that was

the Tri-Enzomated
Zorn Jelly talking.

And the polytartaric
diglycemade.

(sobbing)

BINKY:
Big Boss Bars!

Two for a quarter!

Ever since this newspaper
article came out,

no one's buying.

It'll take me years
to unload this junk.

BUSTER:
Don't worry.

With the amount
of chemicals in them,

they'll stick around
for centuries.

I sunk plenty into this scam,
and now I'm eating it.

It beats eating those.

You said a mouthful, Buster.

A big, sparkling mouthful.

(clears his throat)

Good morning.

Today's show is
all about stress.

What is stress?

Stress is when you feel
a lot of pressure to...

(fans whirring)

Buster!

Sorry.

I thought you needed
cooling off.

You looked sweaty.

Um, anyway,

stress is, um...

a feeling you get, like when
you're facing a really big...

Bear?

I was going to say "test."

You're not being very helpful.

Okay, but if I were you,

I'd be more stressed
about a bear than a test.

(screaming)

(panting)

(growling)

Whew! That was close.

Anyway, we all get
stressed out sometimes,

but there are different ways
to deal with...

(screaming)

(D.W. laughing)

D.W.!

When did you learn
how to fly a helicopter?

Is that what this is?

I thought it was a ride.

I want my quarter back!

Don't touch anything!

(signal beeping)

Oopsie.

You think this is stressful?

Wait till you see the show.

(kids screaming)

(giant chicken squawks)

BUSTER:
Are we learning
about sweat today?

Because if we are,
I came prepared.

(sniffing)

No, Buster.

S.W.E.A.T.
is an acronym

for the "Stoddard-Wilkins
Elementary Aptitude Test,"

a standardized test
you'll all be taking.

What's it on?

Will we be graded?

MR. RATBURN:
Calm down.

It's nothing to worry about.

But the format
may be unfamiliar,

so I have some practice tests
to help you prepare at home.

ARTHUR:
"If Sarah has seven apples and
she gives Sadie five of them..."

Why is Sarah giving
apples away?

It doesn't say.

"Then Sarah gets
another apple from Sam..."

Now she's taking
apples from Sam?

I don't trust this Sarah.

She's up to something.

It's just a math problem.

That's probably
what Sarah told Sadie.

I bet those apples
are rotten.

SUE ELLEN:
I just took

one of the multiple-choice
vocabulary tests.

It wasn't so bad.

ARTHUR:
Um, did you read
the instructions?

Yeah, I glanced at them.

Why?

Because it says
you're supposed to use

a Number pencil

and not to make any
extra marks on the test.

See?

I don't have
any Number pencils.

Take one of mine.

Yuck! It's so ordinary!

I prefer the dusky
soulfulness of a B.

What happens if I use
one of those?

BINKY (as pirate):
Then ye have to take it again.

And that's
if you're lucky!

They might just fail ye.

Aye, I've seen brave third
graders cry like preschoolers

when faced with the S.W.E.A.T.

A fear comes o'er them
that swallows 'em whole!

Why are you talking like that?

Don't ye know it's International
Talk Like A Pirate Day?

Argh!

Practice all ye like.

But when the real test
is before ye,

then you'll feel the jaws of
fear tightening all around you.

(chuckles)

(coughs)

(door opens and closes)

Okay, students, you may open
your test booklets now.

(leaf blower starts up)

Dad! Could you
do that later?

I'm trying to take a test!

Now you may open your...

MARY MOO COW (on TV):
♪ Three, three, three is fun ♪

♪ It's more than one or two... ♪

ARTHUR:
D.W., you have
to turn that off.

I'm trying to study.

But it's my TV time.

Mom!

Arthur's not
respecting my rights!

Fine.

♪ ...four is snappy,
the song won't leave your head ♪

♪ Five, five, five is sweet,
it's when I get off work... ♪

Mom, D.W.'s making
too much noise

and I'm trying to...

(blender whirring loudly)

(sighs)

Okay, you may now...

(drips pinging into dish)

(alarm clock beeping)

(alarm stops)

Well, this is it,
S.W.E.A.T. Day.

(yipping)

Sorry, Dots.

You can't come with me.

(whimpers)

"Why not?"

Because you're not
a Number pencil.

Now, where did I put that one
Arthur gave me?

(gasps)

I can't find it!

(panting)

Arthur!

I lost the Number pencil
you gave me!

Do you have another one?

No, but I just passed
a few back there.

Watch out for the erasers.

(rumbling)

(chanting loudly):
Two! Two! Two! Two!

Two! Two! Two! Two!

Two! Two! Two! Two!

(yelling)

(gasps)

BUSTER:
Okay, Sarah gives Sadie
five apples.

"Thank you, Sarah!

"I don't know why you're
giving me these apples,

but I don't care,
because I'm a pig."

Then Sam flies in
with another apple.

(making engine noise)

Activating Apple Defense System!

Take that,
you rotten fruit monger!

Would you stop playing
with those silly dolls?

Sam isn't a doll.

He's an action figure.

Aw, you've hurt
his feelings.

Oh, great!

You guys are here.

Take these.

I'm giving everyone I know
Number pencils.

That way you can give me one
if I forget to bring mine.

Hey, guys.
What's going on?

Pencils! Take pencils!

Why won't you all
just be quiet?

It's like you want me to fail.

Fail what?

BUSTER:
The S.W.E.A.T. test,

of course.

Aren't you nervous about it?

Why should I be?

It's just reviewing stuff
we already know.

But what if we forget
what we already know?

SUE ELLEN:
Yeah.

Binky said the fear could
swallow us whole.

You're getting yourselves
worked up over nothing.

Just relax.

Easy for you to say.

Yeah, you never get anxious
about tests.

That's not true.

There's one test that
makes me very anxious.

A blood test.

(laughs)

Get it?

Brain, this isn't
a laughing matter.

Here.

Don't you dare
forget it.

Orange, Buster?

Is this a word problem?

The answer is D--
all of the above.

ARTHUR:
George, would you knock it off?

You're eating those
mashed potatoes so noisily!

Can't you see
I'm trying to study?

Nigel, I think
this S.W.E.A.T. test

has given some of your students
a nasty case of the jitters.

Might I suggest
something?

Who here gets butterflies
in the belly

right before a big game?

For me, it's when I play
the keyboard

in front of an audience.

Anybody else get the willies
before performing?

(in pirate voice):
Aye!

Once me palms were so sweaty,

I dropped me clarinet
on me big toe.

And I've got the scar
to prove it!

Binky, International Talk
Like a Pirate Day is over.

(disappointed):
Okay.

The point is
we all feel stressed sometimes.

Here's one way I like
to deal with it.

Everyone lie on your backs.

You, too, Alan.

All right, but I think this
is all rather unnecessary.

Follow your breath,
in and out.

Be aware of your toes.

Are they tense at all?

Wiggle them a little.

Now move up to your ankles
and your calves.

Feel all that tension
in your head just melt away.

You can open your eyes now.

Wow! I feel great.

Me too.

Wait. I still have
some tension in my ear.

Ah... now it's gone.

Now whenever
those heebie-jeebies

start playing paddywhack
with your nerves,

( someone snoring)

you just...

(snoring)

Huh? What did I miss?

Just the whole
relaxation class.

Oh. Well, I napped instead.

Same thing, right?

Seventeen...

eighteen...

nineteen...

twenty.

Still got a half an hour
before school.

Just enough time
for another practice test.

Huh!

Well, that was a cinch.

And now I'll just check
the answers in the back.

One is "A"... check.

Two is "C"... check.

Three is also "C"...

Wait. That can't be right.

Okay, one wrong.

That's not so bad.

Four is... "D"?

And five is... "B"?

How is that possible?

(gasps)

I skipped a question!

Oh, why won't you erase?

"B" always
puts up a fight.

Give it some muscle.

Ooh, yeah, right there.

That's where it itches.

(paper tears)

(Brain gasps)

It worked, Stoddard.

He fell
right into our trap.

By Jove, we've
failed another one!

High five, Wills!

(alarm clock rings)

(gasps)

Brain, are you okay?

Me? Sure I'm okay.

Why wouldn't I be okay?

Just because I skipped
a practice test question

doesn't mean I'll
skip one now, right?

Oh, no! Where's my pencil?

I don't have a pencil!

Here.
I brought extras.

Mr. Ratburn?

Could we just wait
a minute or two?

Brain, look at me.

Take a deep breath.

(inhales and exhales)

Feel your toes.

Say: "Relax, little toes."

Okay, relaxing phalanges.

BUSTER:
Feel all that stress
leaving your body.

Now the stress is walking
out of the classroom

and out of the school.

Maybe it'll stop
by The Sugar Bowl.

(Mr. Ratburn clears his throat)

Okay,

you can open
your eyes now.

Better?

Thanks, guys.

I couldn't have asked for
better relaxation tutors.

Okay, students, you may
start your test now.
Post Reply