16x06 - The Last Tough Customer/Brain's Chess Mess

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Arthur". Aired: October 7, 1996 - February 2022.*
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Arthur demonstrates to kids how to deal with challenges as homework, teachers and bullies.
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16x06 - The Last Tough Customer/Brain's Chess Mess

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You've got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, DW!

Hey!

Whoa...

GIRL:
Hey, it's Muffin Head.

Do you keep your toys
in that hair?

She could keep
a whole family in there.

(laughing cruelly)

Seriously, Muffin Head,
did you choose that haircut

or was your barber
just blind?

Stop it.

Aw, I think we hurt
the wittle girl's feewings.

We're sorry,
Muffin Head.

It's not your fault
you have weird hair.

You probably just have
a weird head.

Why do you two
keep teasing me?

Hey, we just call it
like we see it.

Besides, I'm doing you
a favor.

Someone's got to tell you
how dopey you look.

This castle stinks, too.

It doesn't even have a moat.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Aw, man!

I got sand in my shoe.

Hey, are you okay?

Get lost!

Hey, Fern, I bet you don't want
to eat that pudding.

(laughing)

MRS. MacGRADY:
Binky, the pudding
is free.

Go get your own.

Hey, four eyes!

Going to class?

"Four eyes"?

That was old in first grade.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how 'bout...

Big... glasses...
molasses kid!

That doesn't even make sense.

(sighs)

Come back when you have
some new material.

Oh, Georgie!

We've got a present for you.

Is it a water balloon?

Go ahead.

Go ahead,
it's really hot.

I'd love to cool off.

I'm not giving it to you now.

Oh, come on.

Please?

No way, it's mine.

There. Ha.

(laughing)

I showed him, huh?

BINKY:
Tough Customers,
we've got a problem.

MOLLY:
Why couldn't we meet
at the Tower of Pain

like we always do?

Because it's time
for a change.

That's why I called this
emergency meeting.

Plus they got kiwi
soya milk froyo here.

Try some.

It's delightful.

The Tough Customers
used to get noticed.

But since our school's been
bully-proofed, it's like

we don't even exist.

So I propose we change.

Change what?

Everything.

Our name, our attitude,
our very reason for being.

From now on,
no more bullying!

(gasps)

(gulps)

But what would we do instead?

I don't know yet.

What about menacing?

Can we still menace?

No.

It's the same thing as bullying.

Well, technically,
Binks,

menacing is threatening in a
particularly aggressive manner,

while bullying is using superior
strength or influence to...

If you don't zip it, I'm going
to dump that froyo on your head.

Was that menacing
or bullying?

MOLLY:
We can't change.

We called ourselves
"Tough Customers" for a reason:

because we're tough.

And customers.

Check, please.

But Molly, being tough
just isn't working anymore.

Watch.

Give me another free scoop or
I'll twist you into a pretzel!

(chuckles)

That's physically impossible.

See?

RATTLES:
Binks is right.

We need to "re-brand."

That's what companies do when
they want to change their image.

My dad's in marketing.

Okay, so what's
our new image?

I've got it!

(grunting)

One.

Check that out.

What am I looking at?

That.

It's sheer muscle.

George, say hello
to The Buff Customers.

(grunting)

The strongest kids in school.

Watch this.

Binks, hand me that stick.

(grunting)

(grunting)

Actually, hand me
that other one.

This one must be petrified.

(laughing)

What are you laughing at?

Nothing, it's just...

You guys look kind of silly.

MOLLY:
Yeah?

Well, you look like
a coat rack, Moose Boy.

Why don't you run along
and read a book?

Oh, wait.

I forgot.

You can't read.

I can read.

(sobbing)

That was a little harsh.

Hey, I just call it
like I see it.

I told you the "Buff Customers"
was a bad idea.

She's right, Binks.

We're just not cut out
to be body builders.

I think I pulled
my latissimus.

(sighs)

I guess it's time
we consulted a professional.

It's not going to be easy;

you four have terrible
reputations.

Mean, gross, rude,
and downright peculiar.

Still, there may be
something I can do.

All right, let's get
the paperwork out of the way.

Muffy Crosswire, LLC,

will get %
of all income generated

from the re-branded
Tough Customers in perpetuity,

blah blah blah...

Seventy-five percent?

For what?

For turning four rag-tag,
talentless thugs

into a global sensation.

(shutter clicking)

(blowing a raspberry)

(thumping)

Testing, testing...

It is with great pleasure
that I introduce to you

the up-and-coming
pop mega-stars...

MCTC: Muffy Crosswire's
Tough Customers!

(music starts)

♪ Oh darling ♪

♪ We're no longer
tough and mean ♪

♪ We changed our image
into a pre-teen's dream ♪

♪ We gave up our teasing
and took up some pleasing ♪

♪ And now we're what you see ♪

♪ Four open hearts ♪

♪ Singing for love... ♪

(sighs)

♪ In a band called MCTC. ♪

Yeah.

(applause)

Thank you, thank you.

MUFFY:
Donations, please.

Molly.

What's up?

You didn't sing.

Yeah, and I'm not
going to either.

This is the dumbest idea
I've ever participated in.

Hey!

Dry cleaning isn't cheap.

This is coming
out of your change.

I don't want
your money.

I just want our old group back
again, doing what we do best.

What's that?

Getting our way.

(gasps)

Well, I never!

Come on, James.

I quit!

And you're all fired!

What do we do now?

I have an idea.

It's a long sh*t,
but I guess it's worth a try.

SLINK:
We realize that noise can be
a real problem in a library.

That's where The Shush
Customers come in.

If you make noise,

we shush you.

Behold a demonstration.

Hello?

Sure, I can talk.

I'm in the library.

Shh!

See?

Instant quiet.

Shh!

Shh!

(paper crinkles)

Shh!

Sorry.

Shh!

All quiet
in the reading room.

How about the stacks?

(kids laughing)

Shh!

Talking is allowed in here.

It's the story area.

Well, no one told
the Shush Customers.

Would it k*ll you to do
a little mime instead?

MOLLY:
Hah!

Oh, please.

That's even worse
than Muffy's idea.

At least we're
trying something.

Why are you so stuck
on bullying anyway?

Because I want respect.

Come on, James, let's get away
from these losers.

I want to get some water.

Get away!

It's my turn, loser.

MOLLY:
James, what did you
do that for?

I don't know.

It's what you do.

Hey, we're really sorry.

He didn't mean to...

(sobbing)

James, listen to me.

It's not okay
to act that way.

I know I've done it,
but it's wrong.

I don't want you
to be a bully.

Can you tell her
you're sorry?

Well, are you going to say
you're sorry

to the kids you bullied?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

MOLLY:
It's a long story,
why I started bullying people.

I think because it happened
to me, but that's no excuse.

I've been mean
and I've hurt some of you,

and I'm really, really sorry.

So I'm going to try
to be better.

I don't just want
to be respected.

I want to be liked, too.

And I know I have
to earn that.

Anyway, your friend, Molly.

It feels good to all be
back together again.

And to be doing what we're
good at: being tough.

Tough Consumers.

(door opens)

I got this one.

Excuse me, sir.

Did you know that
this Chicken Lickin'

underpays
its employees?

And you can get
a whole chicken

at the supermarket
for half the price.

And the fat content in those
crispy dippin' lickin' sticks?

And now...

My name is Liam, and this is
our third grade class.

We are working on poems
about bullying.

TEACHER:
What are your thoughts?

What do we really want to let
people know about bullying?

LIAM:
People can get
their feelings hurt,

so we're trying to stop that
from happening.

When you get bullied,
you feel small,

like a speck of dust.

You feel like an elephant
is sitting on you.

You feel like a lion's
attacking you.

You feel like you're
about to cry.

Water starts dripping
out your eye.

ALL:
Reach out your hand
and help someone.

Bullying feels like a snowman
after winter.

Bullying is a chain
that goes on.

To break the chain,
you need to let it fall off.

But when the chain breaks,

their frowns turn back
to smiles.

Monsters are coming,
gripping your hearts.

If you like them,
they're coming after you.

And tigers coming to scare you.

Take a risk and stand up
for yourself.

It makes me feel
white and blank,

as if I were so small
I didn't exist.

It makes me feel gray
and hurts my feelings.

It feels reassuring when I am
about to black out...

That someone stands up
and says,

"Stop it, bullying is bad."

ALL:
Bulling feels dark, black,
purple and dark blue.

You are not yourself.

You are a bug and you just
got squashed by a human.

Bullying is not pleasant.

Bullying is like
being in bars in prison.

It smells as bad as garbage.

Bullying looks like
the end of the world.

Everything good is gone.

Stop bullying.

Bullying is bad.

Be kind, be nice.

Have a kind heart.

And now...

Lots of people I know
have a hidden talent.

Mine is table tennis.

(whooshing)

Sorry.

Some of these hidden talents

don't seem to fit
with the people who have them.

Like Binky.

(crunching)

(burping)

ARTHUR:
Who would believe that he's
such an amazing dancer?

(tango music playing)

(music stops)

ARTHUR:
Or that Molly would be
so great at giving advice?

There's no shame in losing
as long as you gave it %.

Don't be embarrassed
about being shy.

It means you're a sensitive
and respectful person.

Embrace it.

You don't have to chase cars.

Yes, they're fast
and make noise.

But who's in control?

You, Pal.

You.

(barking)

But there's one person
whose hidden talent

I would have never guessed
in a million years.

It's...

DW:
Arthur, there you are.

I was so worried
about you.

It's chilly out,
so I brought you a hat.

You have to protect that
super smart brain of yours.

Why are you acting
so strange?

Me?

I'm just showing you
my hidden talent: niceness.

Can I get you some juice?

DW, I'm not talking
about you.

How about a little
nappy-wappy?

I'll sing you a lullaby?

Stop it.
You're creeping me out.

(chuckling evilly)

(cheering)

(tapping)

Checkmate!

(cheering)

(groans)

You have grown soft, Brain.

Weak.

Why do you not practice more?

I have no one
to practice with.

Pity.

You could have been
a worthy opponent for...

Los Dedos.

As it is, you will
always be an amateur.

MRS. MacGRADY:
A chess club, huh?

I've played a game
or two in my day.

In fact, in high school

I was known
as Checkmate MacGrady.

BRAIN:
That's great.

I need all the good players
I can get.

Chess?

(scoffs)

Chess is boring.

True.

But Brain's serving
free ice cream.

I've always said,
it's the game of kings.

Well, I'll be.

You've got me trussed up
tighter than a Sunday ham.

But I think
Checkmate MacGrady

still has a trick
up her sleeve.

Checkmate!

Hmm...

I guess that move should have
stayed up the sleeve.

Another game?

I'd love to, but lunch
isn't going to make itself.

I'll try to come back
as often as I can.

You took my piece.

Oh, sorry.

Here, I'll give it back.

Okay, and I'll just move
this pawn up one.

That way he's not
threatening anyone.

Thanks.

Guys, if you never
take any pieces,

no one's ever going to win.

That's okay;
I'm having fun.

Me too.

(sighs)

King me.

You can't move like that.

That's checkers.

See, I told you
that was wrong.

Back to your own side,
pointy head.

Woo-hoo, field goal!

(groans)

If this is going to be
a proper chess club,

then you all have to understand
the rudiments of the game.

Yes, Binky?

Where's the ice cream?

That was just
for our first session.

Now, the point of chess is to
checkmate the opponent's king.

That means that the king
is being threatened by...

What if the king makes a deal
with the other king?

You can't.

FERN:
Well, we did.

We prefer to settle things
diplomatically.

Yeah, Fern and I have
a mutual nonaggression pact.

That's not allowed.

In chess, there has to be
a winner and a loser.

RATTLES:
Unless it's a stalemate.

Then the game's a draw.

That's actually correct.

I didn't know you played chess,
Rattles.

Grab a seat.

Nah, I was just passing by.

I didn't even know
we had a chess club.

Are you good?

You certainly seem
to know the rules.

Well, I'm no Kasparov,

but I can fiancetto
my bishop

and I've been told
I have a mean endgame.

Guard that queen, toots.

I don't know
what's going on,

but it's exciting anyway.

I think Rattles has him
up against the ropes.

Nah, you don't want
to do that.

That'll be mate in three.

You don't want
to do that either.

That's mate in four.

Well, then what should I do?

Try moving that pawn.

Checkmate.

(gasps)

(gasps)
What?

What?

You were going to lose anyway.

Why prolong the agony?

I got to bounce.

Wait.

You can't just leave.

Sorry, I got to wash my hair.

But you'll join
the club, right?

Eh, I'm not really
the club-joining type.

Later.

(Buster giggling)

(rumbling)

(cheering)

BUSTER:
Let's do it again!

(sighs)

Please.

I'll give you free ice cream
for a month.

Too much dairy gives me gas.

Then I'll do your
homework for you.

And deprive me
of my education?

No, thanks.

Fine, don't join the club.

Just play with me.

I need someone
to practice with.

All you need to know
about chess is this:

it's like the wind.

Resist it,
and it will break you.

Go with it, and you can
sail across oceans.

What does that mean?

I don't know, but it
sounded good, didn't it?

(bell ringing)

Ah, it is the amateur,

talking to the scruffy ruffian

when you should be inside,
practicing your game.

I ain't a ruffian.

I'm just misunderstood.

This is my friend Rattles,
and he's ten times the player

you'll ever be.

He could b*at you with one hand
tied behind his back.

Actually, that sounds
very uncomfortable.

Oh, really?

Well, then he can play me

in next week's junior chess
championship.

Be prepared
to be crushed by...

Los Dedos!

(laughing)

(bell ringing)

Who was that?

Los Dedos.

That's Spanish
for "The Fingers."

She's called that because she
drums her nails when she plays

and drives her opponents crazy.

I've never beaten her,

and I probably
never will.

I started the chess club
so I could get better,

but it's pretty much
a disaster.

Well, Los Dedos
has just met...

The Nail Clipper.

Come on, I'll need help
getting into shape.

I might be the one playing
Mighty Mountain,

but all you guys
got to help.

Blatsky's Book
of Classic Games?

I've never read this one.

Went out of print
ten years ago.

I want you to learn it
by heart

and be my chief
sparring partner.

You two will help me
with my endgame.

But you got to want to win.

Now say it:
"I want to win."

(meekly):
I want to win.

What was that?

Do I hear a mouse
squeaking in this room?

Louder!

I want to win!

(sighs)

You two are hopeless.

But you can still help.

I want you to try
to distract me while I play.

Think you can do that?

Ahh! Flying gophers!

Duck!

I'm not playing yet.

But I like the effort.

All right, team.

Let's get started.

(playing loudly)

(tooting loudly)

Is that all you got? Hah!

Yeah, that's right.

Sleep no more,

because the dummy
just took your knight.

That move's not from Blatsky's
Book of Classic Games.

Oh, yeah.

I just decided
to do something else.

Sorry, I'll take it back.

No, no.

It's a good move.

You know, you've gotten
a lot better.

Thanks.

I can't wait to see the look
on Los Dedos' face tomorrow

when she gets trounced.

Me too.

(doorbell rings)

(rings again)

Why aren't you dressed?

The tournament's
in minutes!

I can't make it.

My parents had guests over
and there was a lot of cheese.

I knew I should have
held back.

(groans)

I just can't resist
a good Pont L'Eveque.

But what are we
going to do?

I don't want to forfeit.

You'll just have
to play Los Dedos.

Me?

But she always beats me.

Trust me, you're
good enough, Brain.

But there's one thing
you have to remember.

What?

Have fun.

It's a game.

(groans)

Now go.

Play this one
for the Nail Clipper.

(cheering)

(clock ticking)

Who's winning?

She just took Brain's
pointy thing with her pony.

(tapping)

Hmm...

Check!

Checkmate!

(cheering)

That was beautiful.

Now you are a worthy opponent,
Cerebro Grande.

That endgame?

Sheer genius.

I can't wait
for our next meeting.

And I better warn you,
I've been studying up.

Checkmate MacGrady
is back in fighting form.

I can't wait!

You were never sick,

were you?

Well, I had a little
discomfort,

but I knew you
could take her.

So are you going
to join the club?

What's the snack
situation like?

Anything you want.

Pretzels?

Sure.

Nah, too salty.

Raisins would be nice,
but only the yellow ones.

BRAIN:
You're so picky.

Hey, when you're a prodigy,
you can be picky, too.

To watch more Arthur

and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,

visit pbskids.org.

You can find Arthur books
and lots of other books, too,

at your local library.
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