17x09 - Caught in the Crosswires/Framed!

[bunniefuu]

HELP ALL KIDS LEARN AND GROW
WITH PBS KIDS.

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING YOUR
PBS STATION.

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You've got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa...

Just because someone says
something is real

doesn't mean it necessarily is.

Just watch...

(doorbell rings)

May I help you?

No, Jeeves,
but I can help you!

I'm Jimmy Johnny Johnson,
aka J-CUBE,

big-time genius
TV producer, pow!

Yeah, and this is Phil.

(grunts)

I want to put
the Crosswires on TV.

What's going on, Bailey?

I believe we're being
"punked," sir.

(gasping)

Jimmy Johnny Johnson!

You got my letter.

Daddy, I read that J-CUBE was
looking for new reality stars

and I said our family
would be perfect.

Rich, intelligent, glamorous--
what's not to love?

So, what do you say, Ned?

It's Ed.

Will you let Phil and I be part
of the Crosswires for four weeks

and turn you
into the biggest hit

since Ice Road Trucking
With the Stars?

Well...

(gasping)

You bet!

(cheering)

Huzzah.

Cut!

Okay, that was great.

Let's just have a little bit
more excitement this time.

And Ted,
not too long on the pause.

It's feeling
a little staged.

It's Ed.

Okay, everybody,
one more time.

Caught in the Crosswires,
episode one.

Let's keep it real, folks.

See what I mean?

(doorbell rings)

It's the first day of sh**ting
our new reality show

and things couldn't
be going better.

I only wish my brother Chip
could be here,

but he's away at school.

Maybe if we get
a second season...

FRANCINE:
Muffy?

Hi, Francine.

Be out in a second.

Who are you talking to?

And why are you hiding
in there?

I wasn't hiding.

I'm just talking to my fans
in the "Private Moments Area."

Uh, I think it's called
a closet.

We have to do three
video diary entries every day.

That's when the camera isn't
following us everywhere.

(groans)

I never knew
it would be this hard.

You've only been filming
for a day.

(sighs)

Feels like years.

Still, I guess it's
for a good cause.

What cause is that?

Making people famous
for doing nothing?

No.

Providing quality entertainment

for people whose lives are not
as interesting as mine.

(laughing)

Okay.

Well, I don't suppose
a big star like you

would want to come
to the movies with me.

My mom said she'd take us
to Galaxy Kittens in D.

Oh, I've been dying
to see that.

But I have to go
to dinner now.

Sorry.

What?

But it's only : .

We want to use
the daylight.

By the way, you are great
as the snarky friend.

Genius.

Pow!

Thank you, Bailey.

Looks wonderful.

Goodness me,
what's that on my napkin?

Is that the new four-door
luxury Credenza on sale

at Crosswire Motors?

It is.

Wow!

That is an amazing deal.

Psst... see what
the kid is doing.

Thanks, Bailey.

(sipping)

Ooh, hot.

Did he just serve you
scalding hot soup?

What kind of an animal
would do that?

Um, it's not that hot.

But what if it was?

It isn't.

Or is it?

No, it isn't.

I believe Mr. Cube
is trying to insinuate

that the scene would be
more engaging

if you reacted more
dramatically, Miss Muffy.

What Jeeves just said.

Pow!

Genius.

Oh.

Well, okay.

(sipping)

Is the soup to your liking,
Miss Muffy?

Ow! Oh, no!

That's way too hot.

I am most
grievously sorry.

May I blow on it,
Miss Muffy?

Don't bother.

Take it away.

My dinner is ruined!

I think we just
found our star.

(yawning)

Bailey!

Yes, Miss Muffy?

Why haven't my covers
been turned down?

And that pillow
has not been fluffed.

This is unacceptable.

It shan't happen again,
Miss Muffy.

It better not!

How was that?

Can't you go any faster?

I'd like to get there
before I turn .

I asked for a frittata.

This is just an omelet!

Wire hangers?

Wire hangers?!

And if you are one minute late
today, that's it.

You're going back
to butler-school, Mister.

Yes, Miss Muffy.

Why were you being
so rude to Bailey?

Oh, it's just an act.

J-CUBE thought it would be great
for the show

if Bailey and I fought a lot.

It didn't seem
like fighting to me.

You were just being mean.

Yeah, but Muffy has
to be mean.

She's the villain.

What?

No, I'm not.

Sure you are.

But that's the best role.

Every reality show has
someone you love to hate.

In Top Supermarket Clerk,
it was Jeff.

That sneaky little weasel!

I still get angry
thinking about him.

See?

The villains are the most
memorable characters.

But...

I've also been really nice
to Bailey.

This morning I gave him
the cherry from my fruit cup.

I think it's going to take
more than a cherry

to make up for your
performance back there.

How does it feel to be abused

by a spoiled,
eight-year-old tyrant?

I wouldn't know,
Mr. Cube.

I have only ever been employed

by the most kind and generous
of households.

Yeah, that wasn't really
the answer I was looking for.

Wait.

Genius idea coming.

Pow!

How's your eyesight,
Jeeves?

Excellent.

Oh yeah?

Can you read this?

"I am so very,
very miserable."

Great.

Now hold this onion.

(sobbing)

MRS. CROSSWIRE:
It was the strangest dream.

I was in a pre-owned
luxury sedan

that hardly cost me a cent.

Honey, that was no dream.

There are tons of affordable,
top-of-the-line cars

at Crosswire Motors
every day.

(knocking)

MUFFY:
Bailey, it's me.

I need to talk to you.

Don't worry,
I dodged them.

Do you think
I'm coming across

as mean and spoiled
in this show?

It is a distinct possibility,
Miss Muffy.

But...

I'm not really like that.

Am I?

No, Miss Muffy.

And may I be so bold
as to ask:

Am I a spineless jellyfish?

Of course not, Bailey.

You're the bravest, strongest,
noblest person I know.

Except for Daddy.

Quite.

This is terrible.

What are we going to do?

Perhaps henceforth, we should
ignore Mr. Cube's suggestions

and simply treat each other
normally.

Oh!

Oh, dear.

I'm terribly sorry,
Miss Muffy.

It's all right, Bailey.

I'll just change my shirt
after breakfast.

Did that bumbling oaf
just spill juice

all over your priceless
new dress?

It's not new.

And it was on sale
when I bought it.

Crosswires never pay retail.

Anyway, it was just an accident.

An accident?

You've been a butler
for years

and now this snob
is calling you clumsy?

I am , Mr. Cube.

And Miss Muffy called me
no such thing.

(groaning)

Okay, people, look.

I just need this scene to be
a little more exciting, okay?

So, you know,
act that way.

No!

Excuse me?

If my family isn't
exciting enough for you,

go film someone else.

But from now on,
I'm just going to be myself.

Ha!

Listen, kid,
I'm Jimmy Johnny Johnson,

creator of There's a Bear
in My House,

and no one wants to see a show
about the real you.

You know why?

It's boring!

You can't talk
to my daughter that way.

I want you both to leave
this instant.

That was not an accident.

(loud rock music playing)

I asked for fresh strawberries!

What's this?

No!

No.

No!

Bailey!

Bailey!

Bailey!

I am so very, very miserable.

(sobbing)

I can't hold this
any longer...

J-CUBE:
Stay tuned for more
of the half-hour special

Caught in the Crosswires:
A Family on the BRINK.

It's all like that.

J-Cube only had enough footage
for a half-hour,

but they're going to air it

over and over again
for three weeks.

Well, I certainly don't have
to see any more.

Me neither.

And I'm telling everyone
I know not to watch.

I thought it was amazing!

I mean,
amazingly bad.

I won't watch it either.

Thanks, guys.

It wasn't a total loss, though.

I got a great idea
for a show out of it.

It's called
Bad Reality TV Producer.

That is genius.

Pow!

And now...

Who knows a fancy word
for "problem"?

Conflict.

This is my second-grade class.

My class is talking
about conflicts.

And whenever we have conflicts,

we have to come up with ways
of solving them, right?

Muffy and Bailey were pretending
to have a conflict.

That's kind of like
what we were doing.

TEACHER:
You're going to come up
with examples of conflicts

or problems that any
second-grader could face.

We had actors
who explain the problem.

You accidentally bumped
into someone at recess

and now they are hurt
and crying.

Ow, you pushed me
on purpose!

It was an accident.

It appears as though
we have a conflict.

Does anyone have a suggestion?

My idea is Jared can offer her
to go to the nurse.

You want to go to the nurse?

Sure.

(applause)

We're practicing ways
to solve conflicts.

Your tablemate accused you
of taking their eraser,

but you didn't do it.

Why did you take
my eraser?

I didn't.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

Does anyone have an idea?

Andrew could say,

"Even though I didn't
take your eraser,

I could help you find it."

We found it!

Hey, can I use that ball?

I'm using it right now.

I want to use it.

I want to use it.

I want to use it.

I want to use it.

Does anyone have a suggestion?

Maybe they should share
the ball together.

They can both play with it
and they don't have to fight.

We learned that lots of problems
can happen to you,

but there's always a way
to figure them out.

And now...

When you're a member
of high society like me,

you have certain
responsibilities.

You must know the correct
utensil to use

at a formal dinner.

The primi amuse-bouche,
Miss Muffy.

Garden pea stuffed
with pheasant ragout.

MUFFY:
You must have the right outfit
for any occasion.

Muffin?

You almost ready?

The ribbon cutting for the tire
store is in minutes.

Ta-da!

And you must be immortalized
on canvas

by a very important artist.

This is Daddy.

"Wow," right?

Mummy.

Isn't she beautiful?

And Chip.

(laughing)

What a card.

I, however, opted for something
a tiny bit different,

but I think it really
captures me.

What do you think?

ARTHUR:
It's a rerun.

DW:
So? It's still my TV time.

(grunting)

But you've seen that episode
a million times.

Mary Moo Cow
gets better with age.

(both grunting)

NEWS REPORTER:
And now let's meet the winner,

Buster Baxter.

BOTH:
What?

So Buster, how does it feel
to have won

the Best Young Artist award

for this year's Elwood City
arts festival?

Good.

There you have it.

He feels good.

Back to you, Bob.

He's the best young artist?

Puh-leeze.

I've seen Buster's drawings.

His cows are lumpy.

I didn't even know
he'd entered that contest.

(applause)

Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

(kissing trophy)

This is amazing,
Buster.

I didn't know
you could paint.

I didn't know either
until last February rd.

What happened
on February rd?

My horoscope.

It said, "You will discover
a hidden talent."

So I tried out this
paint set my mom got me,

and the rest is history.

FRANCINE:
What's that thing
sticking out of his elbow?

A brain.

See, that alien is
from the Planet Tabooni,

where they have their brains
on their elbows.

And it's a "she."

Are they all aliens?

Uh-huh.

I'm in my "extra-terrestrial
period."

That's art-talk for when
you're obsessed with painting

in this one style.

Well done, son.

You've really captured
the essence of...

something.

How would you like
your first commission?

Sure.

What's a commission?

Daddy wants you
to paint my portrait.

Personally, I prefer "normal"
art, but I've got a hunch

that these just might be
worth something someday.

Okay.

How much do you charge?

Um, well...

Free snacks
would be nice, and...

It's a deal.

See you tomorrow.

I should've asked
for juice, too.

You have to stay
absolutely still

or I won't be able
to do this.

Okay.

(French music playing)

(groaning)

Can I see?

Nope.

Hmm...

How about now?

Don't move.

(clock ticking)

What about now?

Uh-uh.

How long is this going to take?

About eight hours.

What?

(screaming)

(gasping)

You'll just have to work
from a photo.

Bailey!

(shutter clicks)

Done.

Oh, it's a masterpiece!

What?

You've got to be kidding me.

What?

You don't like it?

Intriguing.

Is that her nose
or her ear?

Both.

See, I've painted her
as a Norf-troll;

they're from the
Centurinus System

and their hearing
and sense of smell are combined.

I don't want to be a...

whatever you said.

I want you to paint me as me.

Well, it is you.

It's just...

Ugly.

I look like a tuna melt.

Daddy, tell him he has
to make me look pretty.

There'd be more snacks,
of course...

It's okay.

I can paint another one.

I wasn't trying
to make you ugly.

But it's important to me
that you like the painting.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I was mean.

I'm sure it's very pretty

if you're a Dorf-toad
or whatever.

(sighing)

(spitting)

I can't take it anymore.

She's never satisfied.

So why don't you just quit?

I keep thinking that
if I try a little harder,

I'll make something she likes.

But I can't draw people.

Only aliens.

You just need more practice.

Here, draw me.

What?!

That's not me.

BUSTER:
It's how I see you.

See, this is your head,
about to explode.

And you have arms
because you're good at sports.

You're an alien
from Planet Voton.

Oh, I get it.

Not bad.

Hey, do me.

And you're from
Planet Transparix.

You're clear because
you've got nothing to hide.

Big heart, big glasses,
and two left feet.

Huh.

You know what?

You really are an artist.

No fooling.

You should paint Muffy as you
really see her, then explain it.

Really?

Okay, then.

Well, it's completely
ridiculous.

And I hate the green.

That is not my color.

But green
represents money.

Crosswire money.

And my eyebrows
look so pointy.

And why did you
make me so boxy?

Because you're a car.

Or rather, you're
from the Planet Carmania.

Don't you get it?

Eyebrows, head, torso...

So all you have to do is
repaint the head and the body,

make a new background, change
all the colors, and you're done.

Could you finish these revisions
by Monday?

That'd be so great.

Bye.

(screaming in frustration)

(knocking)

Um, am I
in the right place?

Oui.

Come on in.

Asseyez-vous.

That means "sit down" in French.

So I showed her the portrait
and she said, "Egad."

(blows a raspberry)

And a lot of other bad words
that I don't care to repeat.

Hah.

We don't paint their way,
Van Gogh.

We paint our way.

The great Arcimboldo, here...

I mean, does that
Portrait of a Librarian

look like a librarian?

Not at all.

It's preposterous.

And when I,
Toulouse-Lautrec,

paint a portrait,
I am often told,

"But I don't look like that."

And I say, "You will."

So where is your portrait,
young artist?

Here.

(gasping)

Sacre bleu.

Mon dieu.

Yeah, except she hates it.

She wants me to make
a bunch of changes.

Bah.

The notes of an imbecile.

Ignore them.

You are an artist.

This is a masterpiece.

Toulouse-Lautrec is right.

I am an artist.

Hear me roar.

(sighs happily)

That felt good.

Here.

This is you.

Painted by me.

You can like it or not,

but I will not paint
the way you want me to.

Okay?

From now on,
I paint like me.

You didn't make any
of the revisions I asked for.

And what's that?

Oh, something
Toulouse Lautrec

suggested to me
in my dream.

Nice, right?

Wrong.

You can tell this "Toulouse"
I wouldn't hire him

if he was the last
painter on earth.

I can't tell him
because he's dead.

Well, then I definitely
won't hire him.

Or you.

You can kiss all those
free snacks good-bye,

and the grand unveiling party
I was going to arrange.

You were going to arrange
an unveiling party?

For my painting?

A party?

You would trade your artistic
soul for cake and ice cream?

Well, it depends
on the cake.

No.

You must be strong.

You're right.

I'll be strong.

I'm not changing a thing.

MR. RATBURN:
Did you paint that, Buster?

Most interesting.

Ah, I get it.

Muffy as an automobile.

A driving force,
tireless, determined.

And yet this ribbon connotes

a softer,
more vulnerable side.

It captures her perfectly.

Wait a minute.

You see all that?

Absolutely.

Okay, everyone,
let's open our history books.

I changed my mind.

I'll keep it.

(applause)

Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

So how does it feel

to have Muffy finally
like your painting?

You know, it feels
really, really...

Good.

♪ ♪

ARTHUR:
To watch more Arthur

and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,

visit pbskids.org.

You can find Arthur books
and lots of other books, too

at your local library.