23x03 - When Duty Calls

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa...

(crash)

(talking indistinctly)

Good luck, everybody.

Break a leg!

(doors crashing open)

Huh?

Prunella!

Since when is this play
called "The Pea"?

I thought it was called
"The Princess and the Pea."

And now I'm shortening it
to just "The Pea,"

which says it all.

We'll see about that.

Don't you dare!

(struggling)

No, you can't...

Ow!

Ow, my ankle!

(gasps):
She broke a leg.

The legends are true.

(sighs):
Don't worry.

I'm okay...

(moans)

I think I need
a doctor.

♪ ♪

The show must go on,
whatever it takes.

Don't worry.

I know just what it takes.

But first, let's go back
and start this story

at the beginning.

♪ ♪

BUSTER:
"The Pea and the Princess."

PRUNELLA:
Thank you for coming out
to audition

for
"The Princess and the Pea."

(thunder claps)

A new play,
based on the fairy tale,

written and directed
by Prunella Deegan.

Thank you, thank you.

(clapping tentatively)

Binky's running late, so...
George?

(clears throat)

Wheresoever shall I find
a real princess?

Oh, wherefore?

I am a princess
who has lost her way

in this dreadful storm.

(record scratch)

You call that a princess?

Come on.

Grant me shelter, thou peasant.

Or face my wrath!

Hmm.

Uh, is there a smaller part
than the prince?

It seems like a lot of lines.

Next.

(crashing)

(panting):
Sorry I'm late.

Can you believe this rain?

Whew!

(catching breath)

Okay, I got to sit down.

(kids laughing)

(gasps)

(laughing continues)

(goofily):
This is the worst bed ever.

What is
this mattress made of?

Rocks?

(snickering):
Worst audition ever.

(giggling)

Brilliant.

(talking in background)

Thanks for waiting.

Here's the cast list.

I'm the horse.

Yes, no lines!

I'm the horse, too!

Woo-hoo!

BUSTER:
Dibs on the rear.

I'm the princess.

I knew it.

I'm the princess, too.

Wait,
what does that mean?

Two princesses?

That's got to be
a mistake.

I am not going to play
the princess's behind.

What'd you get, Binky?

I'm... the pea?

The pea?

A talking pea?

And two princesses?

...get the part with the pea...

What on Earth
is Prunella thinking?

PRUNELLA:
Thank you for your
auditions last week,

and welcome
to the first rehearsal

of "The Princess and the Pea."

Some of you have been
pestering me about,

"Why two princesses?"

And, "Why a real pea?"

So let me explain my vision.

The princess needs to be
strong and independent.

A role model.

I told you so.

Hai-ya!

(shouting battle cry)

PRUNELLA:
But she also has to be
family- friendly,

because we're doing a matinee

for the preschoolers
on Friday.

So in our play,

you will both play
the part of the princess,

transforming
from grim and grumpy

to prim and proper.

MUFFY AND FRANCINE:
What?

(angrily):
I am not grumpy.

And I'm hardly prim.

Uh, Prunella?

Don't you think
I'm a little big to be a pea?

Usually I get cast
as a gladiator or a troll.

There are no small parts,

only big actors,

with brilliant directors
to guide them to greatness.

You see, the princess and
the pea share the same journey.

Go fish.

♪ ♪

(Muffy screams,
Francine and Binky gasp)

(thunder claps)

(hissing)

PRUNELLA:
After vanquishing
their common foe,

they seek shelter
from the elements,

arriving at the castle
one dark and stormy night,

lost and alone,

tiny and insignificant,
wet and weary.

Time
for some shut-eye.

(snoring)

♪ ♪

(girls struggling)

What kind of...
bed is this?

The pea is the princess.

The princess is the pea.

In fact,
that's what we should call this:

"The Princess and the Pea...

and the Princess."

Is anybody going
to understand this?

Oh.

I wrote some new pages
for you, Binky.

A dramatic monologue
for your entrance.

(tentatively):
And your exit.

And the middle part.

Muffy and Francine,

I had to cut some of your scenes
to make room.

Here are your new scripts.

That's all?

But we're the stars.

This is an outrage!

Perfect.

Use that emotion.

ARTHUR:
Um... Buster?

Which one of us is
the head?

Hmm.

Oh, woe is me,
a tiny pea,

tossed and turned
in this terrible tornado.

Lucky for me, I came
upon this cozy castle.

I will just lie down

on that pile
of old mattresses...

Cut!

I think I'll give those lines
to Binky.

The princess is the star,
not some crummy pea.

(yelping)

ARTHUR:
Uh, is there supposed to be
a head for this?

BUSTER:
No, no, no, the other way!

ARTHUR:
Reverse!

(scream)

We are so using that!

FRANCINE:
If I was the director
of this play,

I'd so fire Prunella
and hire me instead.

Somebody better fix this play.

Fast.

Today we've got lights...

And sets...

And sound...

(horse whinny sound effect
plays)

So give it your all.

Woe is me,

a wee little pea,

tossed and turned
in this terrible tornado.

Hark!

Do I heareth a princess?

(Francine yelling)

Avast, you vegetable!

It is I, the Pirate Princess
of Pizzaville.

Prepare to be pureed!

Whoa!

What's with the rope?

And where did you get
those lines?

I wrote them--
and look!

If I get
a running start,

I can swing all the way over
to Binky.

Wouldn't that be cool?

(Francine shouting)

(groans)

(moaning)

BUSTER:
Let's get out of here!

(kids yelling, groaning)

(set pieces crashing,
glass breaking)

No... oh, no!

Go home and get some rest.

(shakily):
Don't worry about the sets.

We'll stay up all night
and fix them.

That was terrible.

I can't do this.

Well, you know
what they say.

What?

No idea.

The show must go on.

That's what they say.

You're a genius, Binky.

I can't give up now.

♪ ♪

FRANCINE:
Heads up!

Actor coming through.

(gasps)

Good luck, everybody.

Break a leg!

(doors crashing open)

Huh?

Prunella!

Since when is this play called
"The Pea"?

(murmuring, Francine
and Prunella struggling)

Hmm.

(thudding)

PRUNELLA:
Ow, my ankle!

(murmuring)

The handsome prince just left
with the director.

I guess we have to cancel.

No way.

We can do this.

Arthur, you take over
for George.

But I don't know
his lines.

And I'm only
half a horse.

Binky,
you be the other half.

We'll cut the talking pea
and use this instead.

You're replacing me
with a tennis ball?

That is not
Prunella's vision.

Prunella's vision
stinks.

(Binky and Muffy gasp)

Now get in that horse
or I'll find someone who can.

Oh, yeah?

I quit!

Oh, yeah?

You're fired!

I'm with you,
Francine.

Who needs a pea?

Good.

Then get in the horse.

(gasps)

Hurry!

Huh!

(flute music playing,
audience members coughing)

(music stops)

Um...

(whispering):
Oh, wheresoever shall I find
a real princess?

(stiltedly):
Oh, wheresoever shall I...

find a real princess?

FRANCINE:
It is I,

Princess Francine
of Frazzlemar.

A real princess
from a faraway land.

Who dares question
my princessly pedigree?

(clangs)

(muffled):
Hey, I need some help over here.

MUFFY (muffled):
Oh, mighty prince.

(whinnies)

Here is that pea
you requested.

(grunts)

Dopiest play I ever saw.

You ruined it.

You changed everything.

Only the parts I didn't like.

It isn't your play!

Prunella...

I'm sorry.

My way stunk
way more than your way.

I'll quit trying
to change things.

I promise.

♪ ♪

PRUNELLA:
Thank you all
for your hard work.

I know you had
a rough matinee,

but just think
how much easier it will be

to play your original parts.

Where's Binky?

I haven't seen him

since Francine fired him
this morning.

What?

(gasps)

Don't worry, I'm on it.

FRANCINE (pounding):
Binky!

We need you--
you're on in five.

(gasps)

♪ ♪

Oh, wheresoever shall I find
a real princess?

(panting)

(grunts)

If only
I had a tiny pea...

(crashing, Binky grunts)

(shouts)

Here I am!

Ah, can you believe
this rain?

It is storming out there.

(audience laughing)

Hang on
while I wring this out.

Don't worry, prince,
I'll be ready in a sec.

(audience laughing)

(dripping)

(laughter continues)

(sniffs):
Brilliant.

(talking in background)

BINKY:
I'm just the star.

And, okay,
a pretty good improv-ererer.

And a great pea.

But the real genius is her.

KIDS:
And now, a word from us kids.

Let's just do a big shake-out,
jump up and down.

My name is Charlotte, and today,
we're at ImprovBoston,

which is a comedy theater.

GIRL:
This is an improv class.

ALL:
One-two, one-two,
one-two, one-two!

Prunella was putting on a play.

And changing her script.

(imitating sword clanking,
kids laughing)

We don't even have a script
to begin with.

World's worst teacher.

(rings)

One plus two is ten.

(bell rings)

Get a job!

What we're doing is called
improv, or improvisation.

I know you said, "Yay,"
but it's not good.

(laughing)

Improv is like comedy,

but you have to make it up
right on the spot.

When the fish came,
it felt very annoyed.

We're going to be doing
seven-line story.

We get a title.

"The Slimy Corgi."

Once upon a time,
there was a slimy corgi.

GIRL:
And then,

each kid says a line
based off the title.

And every day,
he would around the park.

Until one day,
he saw another dog.

It usually involves
a lot of teamwork,

because you got to make it
all together.

And ever since
that day,

the dog and the slimy corgi
were friends.

Aw, clap that out.

(applauding)

We're going to play
some Freeze again.

CHARLOTTE:
In Freeze, we'll
be acting something out.

I'm doing the limbo!

When they ring a bell...

MAN (ringing bell):
Freeze.

...you make a new choice.

MAN (rings bell):
Both of you,

a new way to do
the limbo.

(laughing)

The thing that really makes
people laugh

is when something unexpected
happens.

MAN (rings bell):
A totally different way
to do the limbo.

(laughing)

(ringing bell):
All right, give them
a round of applause.

(cheers and applause)

It's kind of fun to learn
how to be creative

with your acting.

To just be free, you know?

(applause)

KIDS:
And now, back to "Arthur."

(D.W. humming)

Maybe let me help you
with...

That's the flour.

Now the eggs.

(humming)

Don't you want to wait
for some pancakes, Arthur?

I'm good with cereal.

(D.W. mixing)

Sometimes it's better to wait
till you're older

to do certain things.

Like make pancakes on your own.

MR. READ:
D.W.!

Is that ketchup
you're putting in?

Can you imagine a world

where anyone was allowed
to do anything

at any age?

(beeps)

And now an announcement
from our pilot.

(Kate gurgling on intercom)

(babbling)

(Kate babbling on intercom)

BUD:
Good news!

I've examined
your accounts.

And as
your money manager,

I've decided to invest
your entire life savings

in stuffed monkeys
and bubble gum.

(Reads gasping)

Awesome, right?

(heartbeat monitor beeping)

TOMMY:
What are you doing?

My surgery!

No way, it's my turn!

Give it!

Give it back!

TOMMY:
You did the last brain.

(gasps)

BOTH:
No fair!

So it's safe to say,

there are times
when age matters.

D.W.:
Pancakes!

Coming right up.

See what I mean?

BUSTER:
"D.W. and Dr. Whosit.'"

BUSTER:
How did Dr. Whosit know
to go back

to the lair
of the Plasma-Worm?

I think
the Ecto-Ooze tipped him off.

Oh, the Ecto-Ooze.

From last week's episode.

(shudders):
Talk about scary ooze.

BOTH:
Egad, the Doctor... has
flivvered.

What are you talking
about?

ARTHUR:
It's just
a "Dr. Whosit" thing.

What's a Dr. Whosit?

BUSTER:
Only the best new show
on TV.

The best?

Have you forgotten
about a certain cow named Mary?

We get it.

But "Dr. Whosit" is
for older kids.

It's really weird.

You wouldn't like it.

BOTH:
Egad, the Doctor...

They're right,

...has flivvered.

I wouldn't like it
if it made me start doing that!

♪ ♪

BINKY:
Egad!

The Doctor has flivvered.

♪ ♪

ALL:
Egad, the Doctor
has flivvered.

(laughing)

D.W.:
Flivvered, flivvered.

What's happening
to people?

It's like they've been
hippo-sized or something.

Hypnotized.

Arthur says it's from
a show called "Dr. Whosit."

Oh, Mom and I heard
good things about that.

We'll have to start
watching it.

Okay, if you say so.

And can we make popcorn?

Oh, I don't mean you, D.W.

From what I've heard,

it doesn't sound
like the kind of show

you should be watching.

(grumbling)

But how about I make you
some popcorn anyway?

"Flivvered"?

From "Dr. Whosit"?

Sure, I've heard of it.

(muffled):
Ladonna won't stop saying it.

So, what's it mean?

Beats me.

She says I wouldn't understand,

'cause it's "an inside joke."

So it's something you can't say

when you're outside?

I think she meant

it's something
some people know about,

but others don't.

Like, remember the "sparkly
gewgaw" song we made up?

Boy, did that annoy Arthur.

(humming to toy's tune)

Sparkly gewgaw!

(growls)

What is that?

Wouldn't you like to know?

It's going to annoy Arthur
even more

when I find out
what "flivvered" means!

But how are you going
to do that?

Flivvered?

I know what it means.

Me, too.

Everyone knows
but you.

Will you tell us?

Of course.

For a price.

(groans)

One pizza muffin.

It isn't safe
to talk here.

Follow us.

♪ ♪

Stand guard.

So, Dr. Whosit is a doctor
who, um...

(whispering)

(whispering)

(slurping)

What I don't get

is why Dr. Whosit couldn't
just uncapulate

from the swarm
of fiendish Mudrats.

D.W.:
Maybe there was no cantaloupe
for his flivvering.

(chair scraping)

Excuse me?

I know all
about the show now.

So anything
you're talking about,

I can join in.

But you said something
about... cantaloupe?

Everyone knows that's
where Whosit gets his power

to hop as high as a kangaroo.

Only it gives him
bad breath

that makes people
bark like seals,

so he has to chew a lot
of special peppermint crackers

when he's slicing
his power cantaloupe--

also known
as flivvering.

ARTHUR:
D.W.,

what are you talking about?

There aren't cantaloupes
in the show.

There are, too,
cantaloupes.

The Tibbles told me.

(angrily):
The Tibbles.

What did you pay?

A whole pizza muffin.

For a bunch of Tibble lies.

If you think you can keep
this mystery a mystery,

you've got another thing coming.

Wow,

you sound just like
Dr. Whosit.

But I guess
you wouldn't know that.

(groaning)

(snickering)

(eerie music, bizarre sounds
playing on TV)

I can see why everyone loves
this show.

Even though it's going
to give me nightmares.

Watch out for the goo,
it's poisonous!

What are you guys
watching?

Is it "Whosit"?

Can't I just watch
a little?

Just up
to the flivver part?

Come on, sweetie,
let's go back to bed.

When you're older,
you can watch.

(grumbling)

MRS. READ:
I hope we didn't
miss too much.

MR. READ:
Don't worry,
I've been recording it,

so we won't miss a thing.

(gasps)

Hmm.

♪ ♪

Huh?

(clicking remote, grumbling)

(grunts)

(remote clunks)

Arthur!

What?

The TV broke.

There's this thingy
on the screen with four squares.

(yawning):
It's the parental password.

What?

Mom and Dad don't want us
to watch shows

that aren't good for kids,

so you have to put in
a password.

Can I go back to bed now?

So do you know the password?

No.

"No" is the password?

Get out.

How do you spell
"get out"?

Mom!

Hmm.

Hi!

Huh?

Want to play Snowman?

I'll try to guess
your favorite four-letter word,

and if I miss a letter,
you draw part of the snowman.

Nice try, but you're not getting
the password.

Who said anything
about a password?

Okay.

I'd like to see
Dr. Whosit have to deal

with brothers and parents.

MR. READ:
Pal-one-two.

(sighs)

Capital P-pal-one-two.

(sighs)

Hey, Jane!

Do you remember the code
for our bank account?

I keep confusing it with
the other passwords we have.

MRS. READ:
It's in the book.

♪ ♪

The book.

So...

Huh?

Working hard?

Mm-hmm.

I guess you'll be in here
a while.

Like, a long while?

Short while?
Medium while?

What's the question,
D.W.?

Just curious.

Bye.

I have asked you here

for help
with a sneaky mission.

And the sneaky mission's
name?

Operation
Old-Enough-To-Be-Sneaky-Enough-
To-Watch-"Whosit."

Sign me up.

♪ ♪

D.W.?

You don't have any snacks,
do you?

I'm feeling woozy.

MR. READ:
Is somebody hungry?

My innards feel
all rumbly,

like two tennis balls
in a clothes dryer.

Uh, I think
he's saying he's hungry.

But it's okay.

He can go all the way home
to get a snack.

Nonsense,

I can whip up a little something
right here.

Can I help?

♪ ♪

Let's see... we have avocados,

tomatoes--
how about some guacamole?

I love guacamole.

Especially when complicated
things are added to it.

Now we're talking.

We can add
pomegranate seeds.

It might take
a few extra minutes...

Great!

D.W.:
Let's see.

That looks like a TV.

And this word
has one, two, three...

(gasps):
Four letters.

It must be it.

BUD:
Ooh, those pomegranate seeds
are slippery.

I'm sorry.

No problem, Bud.

We'll get it cleaned up, and
then back to the guacamole.

Now, where were we?

♪ ♪

Okay, Mom's in the next room,
and Dad's in the kitchen.

(TV chirps, whooshing)

We're in.

"Dr. Whosit"!

(shushing)

(eerie music playing on TV)

(monster snarling on TV)

(gasping, screaming)

WOMAN (on TV):
Doctor!

(yawning)

There's something wrong
with the Radioactive Wrench.

DR. WHOSIT:
The spectrometer reads
degrees retrograde!

Egad!

Not a Cybermanatee!

MR. READ (clearing throat):
Egad.

The Dad is mad.

Oh, look at the time.

♪ ♪

Part of a parent's job

is to think about
what's best for you.

And you make it harder
when you do sneaky stuff.

I'm really sorry.

I didn't even like the show.

And who cares what a flivver is?

We accept your apology,

but you still didn't listen
to us,

so no TV for a week.

A whole week?

(Kate gurgling)

Okay.

See, D.W.?

Sometimes it's better to wait
until you're older

to do certain things.

Well,
speaking of which,

Mom and I believe you shouldn't
be watching it, either.

What?

(growls):
D.W.!

(humming)

♪ Da-da-da! ♪

Sparkly Gewgaw!

BUSTER:
To watch more "Arthur"

and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,

You can find "Arthur" books

and lots of other books, too,

at your local library.

♪ ♪