24x02 - D.W.'s New Best Friend/Freaky Tuesday

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Arthur". Aired: October 7, 1996 - February 2022.*
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Arthur demonstrates to kids how to deal with challenges as homework, teachers and bullies.
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24x02 - D.W.'s New Best Friend/Freaky Tuesday

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♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to your
heart, listen to the b*at ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together
and make things better ♪

♪ By working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪

♪ And I say hey ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa...

(crash)

RATBURN:
And that, in short,
is the difference

between liverworts and mosses.

(school bell rings)
Class dismissed.

FRANCINE:
Ugh!

I thought class
would never end.

I'm starving.

Me, too.

I wonder what's for lunch.

Hold on,
I'll tell you.

Let's see-- two days
past the full moon...

It should be baked ziti.

What's that?

Buster's school lunch almanac.

He's been keeping a record

of everything we've eaten
since first grade.

BUSTER:
Yep!

She's % accura...

(sniffs):
Huh?

That's odd.

It doesn't smell
like baked ziti.

(sniffing)

(sniffs):
Eww!

It smells more like
baked gym shoes.

With a side order
of sweaty socks.

Who are you?

Skip Bitterman,
substitute chef.

(sniffs)

Goulash, anyone?

(kids groan)

Ugh.

BUSTER:
"The Great MacGrady."

(gulps, groans)

How can someone
ruin a cr*cker?

Look at the color
of this pudding.

I'd save it for
my food cabinet,

but I'm afraid
to touch it.

(grunting)

(sighs):
I give up.

The stale roll won.

I wonder where
Mrs. MacGrady is.

She probably just
has a cold.

Oh, I hope
she's back soon.

I think this goulash
just moved on its own.

(bubbling)

(yelps)

♪ ♪

Good morning, class.

I have an important
announcement to make.

I'm sure you've all
been wondering

where Mrs. MacGrady is.

Did she quit?

If it's about money,

Crosswire Motors
would be happy to...

BUSTER:
The aliens took her!

They're making her
teach them Earth cooking!

Everyone sit down, please.

Mrs. MacGrady is sick.

She has cancer.

Her sister is coming to
stay with her to help her out.

Mrs. MacGrady has cancer?
Cancer?

RATBURN:
The good news is,

they caught it early,
and her doctors are working

very hard
to make her better.

Yes, Francine?

When is she
coming back to school?

We don't know that yet.

But it probably won't be
for several weeks.

Perhaps longer.

MUFFY:
Hmm.

The one on the left
says,

"I want to rule the world."

The one on the right says,

"I'm artistic and refined."

They're both so Daddy.

Which do you
like better?

I think it's a tie.

Get it? A tie.

I'll take them both,
Sebastian.

And please have them
gift-wrapped.

You could pretend to be
a tiny bit interested.

It is for my father's
birthday, after all.

Mrs. MacGrady has cancer!

Excuse me if I don't feel
like going shopping.

Francine, she'll be fine.

How do you know that?

I just do.

This is Mrs. MacGrady
we're talking about.

She never gets sick.

Well, she's sick now.

You know, some people
don't get better.

My grandfather d*ed
from cancer.

Ugh, you're being
so negative.

(gasps):
Look!

A money clip
shaped like a hubcap.

Should I get that instead?

(groans)

D.W.:
Are you sure we brought enough?

There are four giant jars of
homemade chicken soup in here.

I can barely lift it.

What about honey?

And stuffed animals?

And Mary Moo Cow DVDs?

ARTHUR:
Mrs. MacGrady does not want
Mary Moo Cow DVDs!

How do you know?
Did you ask?

(doorbell rings)
D.W.:
Wait!

I have to get ready.

♪ ♪

Well, hello, Arthur,
what a pleasant surprise.

Good to see you, too,
Nurse Read.

Come on in.

Would you take
that mask off?

(whispers):
I don't watch
to catch the cancer.

Don't worry,
Sweetie.

You can't catch it,
I promise.

Really?

I absolutely,
positively promise.

But you two can
wash your hands,

so I don't catch
anything from you.

Right now I can catch
things really easily.

Mmm, delicious.

Tell your father
I'd like that recipe.

Aren't you going
to have any more?

I'll have some later.

Would you two mind
if I put my feet up?

I should probably
examine you.

Whatever you say, Nurse.

Hmm.

Your knees sound normal.

Say "Havana bananas."

Havana bananas.

No problem with
tongue twisters.

Are you sure you're sick?

You don't even
have the sniffles.

Well, cancer isn't
exactly like a cold.

There are many
different types of cancer.

But let me try to show you.

See, we're all made up

of teeny-tiny things
called cells.

You can think of them
as flowers in a garden.

Your body makes them
every day.

Unfortunately, my body is also
making a few weeds.

Right now, my body's
trying hard

to get rid of those weeds.

And it takes a lot of work.

We'll let you rest.

And we'll bring
oranges next time.

And honey,

and videos,

and more
Mary Moo Cow...

(people calling and cheering)

(cheering, whistle blows)

How could you let them
get seven goals?

The sun was in my eyes.

Anyway, who cares?
It's just a game.

Yeah, but that was
embarrassing.

What's the point
if we win or lose?

It's not like it's going
to make Mrs. MacGrady better!

Am I the only one
who understands that?

Oh, Francine!

I just wanted
to remind you,

Daddy's birthday dinner
starts at...

I'm not going!

ED:
"Endgame"
by Samuel Beckett?

Sounds like
a gripping thriller.

Thank you, Bailey.

What great presents.

This was
a terrific birthday.

My gifts weren't
very original.

Nonsense--
I loved your ties.

Look at these colors.

Chip gave you that one.

Oh, well...

Oh, it's all
Francine's fault.

She was supposed
to help me shop,

but she's been
so gloomy lately.

I can understand why,

what with Mrs. MacGrady
being sick.

How are you
feeling about that?

Fine.

Maybe you'd like
to visit her.

I've been meaning
to send over a care package.

(yawning):
I'm exhausted.

Here's the receipt
for the ties.

It's okay
if you want to return them.

Good night.

♪ ♪

"Cream of Bunion Soup."

I wonder what
it looks like.

(steam hisses,
Francine groans)

Hiya, Francine!
(gasps)

Sorry to have
startled you, dear.

I was just looking
for something.

Waffle iron, pepper mill,
egg slicer... Ah!

Here we go!

Meet Flip,
my lucky spatula.

Flip and I have
been through a lot together,

haven't we, Flip?

You're darn tootin'!

So, you're back now?

You're all better?

No, I just came
to get my stuff.

Because of the cancer,
I need an easier job.

From now on, I'll be
spinning the bingo wheel

at the community center.

FRANCINE:
But...

But you can't leave!

This place won't
be the same without you.

Sorry, kiddo,
that's just the way

the crumpet crumbles.

♪ ♪

Wait! Don't go!

(echoing):
Come back!

(gasps)

(door opens)

What's wrong, Franky?
Bad dream?

Uh-huh.

Can I stay home
from school today?

♪ ♪

(purrs)

BINKY:
Hey, you're not sick.

Why weren't you
in school today?

I don't know.

Just didn't feel
like it, I guess.

Want to visit
Mrs. MacGrady with us?

We're bringing her
some vegetables

and this!

A rock?

Not just any rock--
this one's special.

Look at it.

See? It's shaped
like Iowa.

I think it has
healing properties.

Buster, a rock isn't going
to cure Mrs. MacGrady's cancer.

How can you be sure?

(bushes rustling)

Hey, this one
looks like Texas.

What's this?

That's the email address
of Sydney B. Lamar, Jr.

Better known as Uncle Slam!

(growls)

Uncle Slam,
the professional wrestler?

How'd you get this?

I'm the president of the
Elwood City Uncle Slam fan club.

He's really nice--
you should write him.

Why, so he'll send me
a bobblehead??

Thanks, but...

You know he had cancer, right?

No.

Yeah, it was two years ago.

He was really sick.

A lot of people thought
he would never wrestle again.

But they were wrong!

Uncle Slam bounced back.

Nothing could stop him.

(growls)

(audience cheering)

BINKY:
And he went on to wrestle
Sven Logger,

A.K.A. The Stump Grinder,

who was undefeated.

(grunts)

(audience gasps)

BINKY:
And Slam b*at him!

And then he went on to win
the Ultimate Smackdown Belt

seven times!

That had never
been done before.

Anyway,
I thought he'd be

a good person for you
to talk to.

(meows)

Like he'd ever write back.

♪ ♪

(meows)

All right,
all right.

I'll give it a sh*t.

"Dear Mr. Lamar,

"I never thought
I'd be writing

"to a professional wrestler,

but I would appreciate
your advice."

"Hi, Uncle Slam.

"My name's Francine.

"How are you?

"Hope this isn't a bad subject,

but I heard you had cancer,
and..."

(groans)

"I'm afraid.

"Really afraid.

"I have this friend.

"She's the cook at our school,

"but she's so much more
than that.

"She's Mrs. MacGrady.

"Once, she played
in a rock band with me.

"She's one of the most cool
and amazing people I know.

"She's really wise,
but fun, too.

"And now she has cancer.

"So this is
what I want to know:

"will she be all right?

"Could you please
let me know that?

Thanks,
Francine."

KIDS:
And now, a word from us kids.

BOY :
What happened to Mrs. MacGrady

is a lot like what happened
to Mr. Springer.

GIRL :
Mr. Springer is our principal.

This is
Mason-Rice Elementary School.

Mason-Rice.

BOY :
We are in fourth and fifth
grade.

Back when we were
in second and third grade,

Mr. Springer got cancer,

and he got better, luckily.

BOY :
So, today,

we are going to talk
about what happened,

how we felt.

GIRL :
Well, my mom got a letter

and she told me
that you had cancer,

and we talked
about the treatments

and that you weren't
always going to be here.

GIRL :
And I felt so, like,

worried.

I wanted you to know

that I was going to be okay.

He is one heck of a principal.

GIRL :
If you know someone with cancer,

you could make them a card.

This shows what I did
for Mr. Springer.

GIRL :
When someone is sick,

it's kind of hard,

because you don't know
what to say sometimes.

There's no word for it.

It's just how you feel.

I just did, like,
"Get well soon. Feel better."

Well, his hair fell out
when he had cancer.

SPRINGER:
Cancer doesn't make you
lose your hair,

but it's the medicine
that makes you better

that actually
makes you lose your hair.

That's when I started
wearing the hats.

Our school has a policy:
no caps.

You started
wearing hats a lot,

and then we were, like,
"Why can't we wear hats, too?"

Lots of kids wore hats

to show their support
for Mr. Springer.

Probably the whole school did.

GIRL :
When Mr. Springer was sick,

some things did change.

Like, he lost his hair
and started wearing a cap.

But other things didn't,

like, every morning
that he was here,

he'd come on and
he'd announce the birthdays.

And he was still Mr. Springer.

And probably the thing
that made me feel best

was just people believing
that I was going to be fine.

Mr. Springer is, like,
the best principal on Earth.

(cheering)

KIDS:
And now, back to "Arthur."

ARTHUR:
What are the orange things?

Carrots?

Cheese?

I'm just calling it mystery stew
number eight.

ARTHUR:
Hey, Francine.

What's wrong?

You look like
you've seen a ghost.

(nervously):
Did you eat the stew?

I'm fine.

I just got some weird news
this morning.

"Dear Francine, thank you
so much for your email.

"Maybe we could meet
and talk about your friend.

"Will be in Elwood City
next week.

Uncle Slam"?!

Uncle Slam
wrote to you?

Yes!

I knew he would!

I put them in touch.

He's a close, personal friend.

Really?

Okay, I met him once.

But he was really nice.

I told him how worried I was
about Mrs. MacGrady.

I kind of spilled my guts.

Hello, Francine.

I forgive you for not coming
to Daddy's birthday.

Oh, and the tie you picked out
was a disaster.

Muffy, wait!

I'm sorry I forgot
your dad's birthday.

I've just been really upset
about Mrs. MacGrady.

(exclaims)

There you go again,
being doom-and-gloomy.

She'll be fine!

You don't know that, but...

I feel a little better.

Guess what--
I'm going to meet Uncle Slam!

Wow! No way!

Who's that?

He's, like, the most famous
professional wrestler alive.

And he had cancer and b*at it.

Oh.

The only sport I follow
is polo.

Hey, do you want to visit
Mrs. MacGrady after school?

Today?

I, uh, promised my dad
I'd rake the yard.

But it's spring!

(doorbell rings)

Be right there!

Whew! The party never ends.

(yelps)

(D.W. grunting)

D.W.:
He's stuck!

ARTHUR:
Push harder!

(yelps)
Watch out!

(grunts)

Hi!

This is Chilly Billy.

Grandma gave him to me
when I had an operation.

I thought you might like him.

And here are four more jars
of soup from my dad.

Oh, dear, I haven't finished
the first batch yet.

But please give him my thanks.
(knock on door)

MUFFY:
Is this a bad time?

I can come back later.

No, no, come on in.

The more
the merrier.

MUFFY:
Mmm! A cashew cluster.

My favorite.

Sure you don't want one?

Daddy said
they were imported.

Not right now, dear.

(bites):
Ugh!

This tastes like cough syrup!

How come I keep getting
the gooey ones?

D.W., watch out!

That's all right, I'll just get
some paper towels.

I'll do it.

♪ ♪

Oh, by the way,

I love your bandanna.

It's so retro-chic!

Thank you.

I thought about getting a wig,

but this'll do
till my hair grows back.

Your hair is...

You mean, you're bald
under there?

Smooth as a honeydew melon.

It's a side effect
of the medicine.

But her hair
will grow back.

See? The weeds keep popping up
in Mrs. MacGrady's garden,

but the medicine's
getting rid of them.

Right?

(yawning):
Something like that.

We'll let you
rest now.

Come on, D.W.

I thought the bandanna was
just a style choice.

I had no idea you were so...

Sick?

Well, cancer's no walk
in the park.

But if it makes
you feel any better,

I intend to get better.

♪ ♪

(doorbell rings)

Hi there!

Uncle Slam's the name.

But you can just call me Slam.

Wow!

Hello... Slam.

It is an honor.

Whew! That's quite a grip!

I can see how you squeezed
Benny the Boa Constrictor

into submission.

(chuckles)

Oh, I'm just a big old
softy in real life.

FRANCINE:
Whoa!

I can't believe you're
actually here!

This is Francine.

Your letter really moved me,
Francine--

took my heart, tossed it
around the ring, and pinned it.

Oh, thanks.

Can I get you something, Slam?

I, uh, got some protein shakes
in the fridge.

No, thanks--
I just had a frittata.

Mr. Frensky, I'm on my way
to my fan club meeting

at the community center,

and I hear there's a nice park
nearby.

Would you mind if Francine
and I took a walk over there?

I'd like to hear more about
her friend, Mrs. MacGrady.

Sure, I'll just get my coat.

Oh, uh, right.

I'm, I'm busy anyway.

Got some furniture to move.

(laughing)

FRANCINE:
You don't seem like
someone who's had cancer.

Why is that?

You're so...
strong and healthy.

I wasn't always
this healthy.

When I had cancer,
some of my doctors

didn't even think
I would survive,

let alone wrestle again.

How did you get better?

Lots of medicine,
a few operations,

and I learned a lot
about my disease.

And I never gave up hope
that I would be healthy again.

And you shouldn't give up
hope on your friend.

FRANCINE:
I just wish
I could do something.

Like fly to the Amazon
and find a cure.

You might be a little young
to explore the rainforest.

But you can do something.

Like what?

After I got better,

I had a wrestling tournament
for cancer research.

Maybe there's something
you could do to raise money

or awareness.

Something you love...

♪ ♪

BUSTER:
"Pedal For A Cure."

Oh, it's to help fight cancer.

All the money we raise
goes to help people with cancer.

Yeah, we're all
doing something.

Prunella's knitting
Mrs. MacGrady a scarf.

George is helping out
with her gardening...

So I expect all these

to be handed out
by the end of the day.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

FRANCINE:
Over people
have signed up already.

And it's just
been three days!

Hey, what if you got a celebrity
to support the race?

I have one: Uncle Slam.

He was the one
who gave me the idea

to do something I love
to raise money.

Oh.

Speaking of great ideas,
I was wondering

if you wanted to come with me
to Mrs. MacGrady's,

and we could...

I can't today.

I, I still have
tons of flyers to pass out.

But...
Tell her I'll visit her
really soon.

Gotta ride.

(bike bell chimes)

Oh, hello, dear.

This is my sister Martha.

She just flew in
to help me out.

We're off to a doctor's
appointment.

Are those for me?

Yes, but I can come back later.

Don't be silly.

Just leave it inside and lock
the door when you leave.

And while you're in there,
help yourself to some food.

I've got enough
for an army.

♪ ♪

Just forgot
the car keys.

Do you think Mrs. MacGrady would
mind if I did a little cleaning?

I think she'd love that.

I was just going to do some
when I got back.

You can be part
of our support team.

♪ ♪

"Cleans dirty dishes
in no time."

(phone button beeps)

Bailey?

This dishwashing lotion
doesn't work.

What do I do?

(doorbell rings)

Oh, that's the door!

(phone button beeps)

ARTHUR:
Hey, Muffy.

Where's Mrs. MacGrady?

She had to go
to a doctor's appointment.

Are those all for her?

There was a special
at the supermarket.

I figure you can't
have too much vitamin C, right?

And they came
with a free doll.

Have you ever thought you might
be bringing Mrs. MacGrady

too much stuff?

She's running
out of room!

Chilly Billy, meet Bono Bonobo.

We just want to help.

Yeah, what else can we do?

I'm so glad you asked!

♪ ♪

(vacuum running)

♪ ♪

MUFFY (voiceover):
We tidied up a few things.

Love, Muffy, Arthur and D.W.--
your support team.

♪ ♪

Amazing turnout, Francine!

I'm so impressed.

Now, Uncle Slam wants to know...

You ready to ride?!

(growls)

I'm ready to ride!

(growls)

(starting horn blares,
crowd cheering)

(panting)

♪ ♪

Hey, the finish line
is this way.

Where are you going?

(echoing):
To find a cure
for Mrs. MacGrady!

(birds tweeting)

(panting)

(birds chirping)

There it is!

Plantus Curem Allcancerus!

(panting):
Just... a... little bit...

farther!

(crowd cheering)

Yay!

MACGRADY:
Wow! That was some performance!

We should have this ride
every year,

and call it
the Tour de Francine.

You came!

Does... does that mean
you're all better?

Not quite.

But I'm feeling
pretty good today.

I'm sorry I haven't
come to see you.

I just...

I was afraid that...

You don't have to explain.

It can be pretty frightening
to see someone you care for

when they're sick.

There is something you can do
to make it up to me, though.

Just name it.

First, put some
of this hand sanitizer on.

Now what?

Now give me a big hug.

I've really missed you.

I've missed you,
too, Franky.

♪ ♪

BUSTER:
June .

Today's lunch is...
a grey rectangle.

Possibly...

(sighs):
A sponge.

That's it!

I can't take this anymore!

What is this?

Little of this, little of that.

I call it "Whatchamacookin."

Well, I call it terrible!

It smells like feet
and I'm not going to eat it.

Neither am I!

(kids grumbling)

MACGRADY:
Settle down, Spartakids.

There'll be no revolts
in my lunchroom.

Aunt Leah!
You're back!

Thanks for filling in, Skip.

Cooking's not for me.

I'll stick to banking.

Now, who's hungry?

KIDS (clamoring):
Me! I am! Me! Me!

"Correction--
lunch is unknown

but will taste delicious."

BUSTER:
To watch more "Arthur"

and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,

You can find "Arthur" books

and lots of other books, too,

at your local library.

♪ ♪
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