01x01 - Old Wounds

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(whirring)

(powering down)

(beeps)

(door beeps)

(woman chuckles)

(woman laughing)

(beeps)

Oh, no.

Ed.

- Ed, wait, please, Ed.
- Nope, nope, nope.

- Ed, just listen to me for one second.
- Whatever you're gonna say,

- I don't want to hear it.
- Give me a minute.

- Let's just talk, please.
- Kel, there's nothing to talk about.

- Yes, there is. This was a mistake.
- There's nothing at all to talk about.

- I'm done.
- Just give me one minute, Ed.

- I'm done.
- Ed.

(sighing)

(door chimes)

Come in.

You wanted to see me, Admiral.

Ah, Ed.

Have a seat.

(door whooshes shut)

I have good news.

There's a ship available.

It's a mid-level craft.

The USS Orville.

It's not exactly a heavy cruiser,

but it is an exploratory vessel.

And we're offering you command.

You're kidding.

Honestly, we would've offered
you a command earlier,

but you haven't really inspired anyone

with all that much
confidence this past year.

I know, I ha... I've had
some personal stuff

that's been going on; it's
not really worth going into.

Can I have one of these mints?

Those are marbles.

Ed, I remember when you
were at Union Point.

You were at the top of your class.

Your teachers all thought

you'd be captaining a
heavy cruiser before 40.

But this past year, the-the...
tardiness,

the sloppiness.

My God, you've been put on report

for coming into work hungover six times.

Look, the truth is,

you're nobody's first
choice for this job.

But we have 3,000 ships to
staff, and we need captains.

We're giving you one last chance.

I just need to know that you're ready.

Look, Admiral, ever since I was a kid,

I have wanted to serve on
an exploratory vessel.

And for you to put me in
the captain's chair...

yes, I'm-I'm ready.

- You can count on me.
- Good to hear.

Now, the Orville has a
nearly-full crew complement.

Her previous captain retired this month.

But she's still short a
helmsman and a first officer.

We're waiting for an XO
to become available.

Well, you know, I can get you
the best helmsman in the fleet.

You mean Lieutenant Malloy.

I'm aware you two are friends.

Look, I-I know

Gordon has his issues, but
we all know there's nobody

who can drive a starship like him.

Didn't he once draw a penis

on the main viewing
screen of outpost T85?

He's drawn a lot of penises on
a lot of things, but, Admiral,

if you were caught in an ion storm,

who would you want at the helm?

Well, if you think you
can keep him focused,

it's your ship, Captain Mercer.

(beeps, grunting)

(metal clanking, ogre growling)

(both bellow)

- Ah!
- (ogre grumbles)

Oh, hey, Ed.

(both grunting)

Ah! Hey, give me one sec.

- What's going on here?
- Oh, this is a program I wrote

where you can battle an
ogre in a samurai village.

It's pretty cool, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. He's a badass fighter,

but I gave him a really
neat personality.

Hey, dude, this is my buddy Ed.

- Hey, Ed, nice to meet you. I'm Justin.
- How are you?

Oh, great, super, always.

Oh, it's such a treat to meet
one of Gordon's friends.

- So, what's going on?
- Gordon, I got a ship.

No... freaking... way!

The Orville, mid-level exploratory,

and she needs a helmsman.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Are you serious?

Are you ready?

Dude, I was born ready.

- This is crazy. Holy crap.
- (laughs)

Justin, we got a ship.

I am so excited for you guys right now.

I mean, do you just
feel, like, so blessed?

- We'll take a shuttle up at 0900.
- Sweet.

Oh, hey, Justin, you
got a ladybug on you.

Oh, neat.

- Ah!
- (digital trilling)

MALE AUTOMATED VOICE: You win!

- Nice.
- ♪ ♪

(beeps)

So, how many ships in
the fleet these days?

About 3,000, spread over
the whole quadrant, which,

when you think about the size of
the galaxy, is actually not...

- What is that? Is that a beer?
- Yeah.

- You're drinking a beer?
- Yeah, I'm nervous.

You know, it's a new ship, want
to make a good impression.

It's 9:15 in the morning.
Give it to me.

No.

Give me that right... you
can't have that when we dock.

No. Dude, it's-it's one beer.

What, are you worried
we're gonna crash?

- I'm worried about my job.
- Oh, no.

All right, I'm worried...
This is very important to me.

- Oh, boy.
- What are you doing?

- Oh, I hope we don't crash.
- What are you doing?

- Stop. Gordon, stop it. Knock...
- Whoa. This is like...

Gordon, knock it off right now.
This is not safe.

- I realize I was just wasted.
- This is not funny or safe.

- Knock it off right now.
- This is like my first beer ever,

- and the sensations are all new to me.
- I'm literally ordering you

- to stop. Take your...
- I hope we don't...

Sorry.

(woman speaks indistinctly over comm)

I'm good.

♪ ♪

Is that it?

- It's not bad, right?
- No, it's good.

You paint some flames on the side, maybe

like a rainbow unicorn,
you got something.

Take us in.

♪ ♪

ED: So, to sum up,

I just want to say I am thrilled
to be your new captain.

I want this to be an
efficient ship, tightly run,

but also one that you're
glad to be serving on.

Everyone but the senior
officers is dismissed.

(crew murmuring)

AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Orville Engineering,

- continue launch prep.
- (door opens and closes)

All right, Lieutenant Alara
Kitan, our chief of security.

Yes, sir.

You're Xelayan, right?

- I am, sir.
- Wait.

Don't you guys have,
like, super strength?

Xelaya's gravitational pull is high

compared to the planetary average,

so, yes, in Earth normal gravity,

my physical strength is elevated.

Lieutenant, how old are you?

- 23.
- You're 23, and you're chief

of security on a starship?

Xelayans don't usually
join the m*llitary,

so when one of us does, the
Union generally fast-tracks us.

Well, I'm-I'm sure they
know what they're doing.

Sir, I-I know I'm not

as experienced as you were expecting,

but you can count on me.

I hope so. Lieutenant John
Lamarr, our navigator.

How's it going, John?

Eh, it's going, man.
How's it going with you?

It's going good. It says here

you're a level-eight helmsman, too.

- That's pretty impressive.
- Yeah, that-that's right.

Uh, so, our last captain
let us have soda

on the bridge while we were working,

and I just want to make
sure that's still okay.

Uh, yeah, if you keep
it below the equipment

and don't spill any, sure.

Oh, dig it. Boom.

All right, uh, Lieutenant
Commander Bortus,

our second officer.

You know, I've never met a
single-gender species before.

Your entire species is male, isn't it?

That is correct, sir.

So, there's probably not a
lot of arguments about...

leaving the toilet seat up
and that kind of thing, right?

No.

Moclans urinate only once per year.

Really? That's...

Me, I'm-I'm up two, three times a night.

That is unfortunate.

It is.

Dr. Claire Finn.

You're my chief medical officer, yes?

Yes, sir, I am. Welcome aboard.

Your credentials are exceptional.

"Molecular surgery, DNA engineering,

psychiatry." You could be
posted on a heavy cruiser.

What are you doing on the Orville?

I always request my transfers

based on where I think I'm needed.

I feel more stimulated that way.

And so what made you request this ship?

Well, this is your first command, and

I think you could use my help.

So you think I might screw up.

No, sir, I didn't say that, sir.

Well, no, but you implied
that you don't think

I have the balls to do this job.

Well, I am your doctor, sir,

and if your balls are
under par, I'll know.

(chuckles) All right.

And finally, Isaac,

our science and engineering officer,

hailing from Kaylon 1.

Affirmative, sir.

You know, I got to tell
you, I was surprised

to see any Kaylon serving in the fleet.

Aren't you guys legendarily r*cist?

My planet regards humans and
other biological life-forms

as inferior, if that is your inference.

Oh, that's great. Thanks.

You are welcome.

So what are you doing on a Union ship?

Your fleet's admiralty offered a posting

to any Kaylon willing to take it.

As an effort to initiate relations

between Kaylon and the
Union, we accepted.

I was chosen to represent my planet.

I see it as an ideal opportunity
to study human behavior.

Well, we'll, uh... we'll
try not to bore you.

You will find me to be
your most capable officer.

All right, everybody settle in.

We ship out this afternoon.

(knock on door)

Hey, what's up?

Hey, man, come on in.

Figured I'd introduce myself
since we're gonna be working

full shifts together.

Translation: you want to
make sure I'm not a jerk.

Something like that.

Dude, I'm such a jerk, it's ridiculous.

Okay, well, so am I, so this
is gonna work out great.

- Gordon Malloy.
- John Lamarr.

Cool.

So, I heard you've been out
of commission for a minute.

Well, not out of commission, but, uh,

- definitely kept on desk duty.
- Well, what'd you do?

I mean, your piloting skills
are kind of legendary.

How'd you get suspended?

I let my cousin sh**t a p*rn

in the back of a shuttle in
exchange for some pills.

W-Wait. No. R-Really?

(laughs): Man, look at your face.

No, no, no, I did a, I
did a manual override

on a tricky shuttle docking

and sheared off a cargo bay door.

Yeah, nobody was hurt, but 300 crates

of authentic autumn squash
were sucked into space.

Well, that's a lot of damn squash.

Yeah. I was trying to impress a girl.

Ah, I can respect that.

Needless to say it
didn't go over too well.

If it weren't for Ed,
I probably wouldn't

be back at the helm for a lot
longer than this, if ever.

Well, just steer with
your head from now on,

and you'll be okay.

Yeah.

See you on the bridge.

HALSEY: I wish I could give
you something more exciting

for your maiden voyage, but
it's pretty straightforward.

You'll be delivering supplies

to the science station on Epsilon 2.

Hey, sir, I'm not complaining.

It'll be great just to be out there.

Uh, is there any word
yet on a first officer?

I should have an update in a few hours.

Sounds like you won't
have to wait much longer.

Safe travels, Captain.

Captain.

Captain, we've received the green light

from dockyard tower, and
we're cleared for departure.

Tell them we're good to go.

Lieutenant Malloy, take us out.

Aye, sir. Departing dockyard.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dockyard perimeter cleared.

Set course for Epsilon and
engage quantum drive.

Course set, drive engaged.

ETA: 19 hours, 51 minutes.

I've never been to the
Epsilon Science Station.

- What's it like?
- BORTUS: Epsilon 2 is an outpost

devoted exclusively to
scientific inquiry.

ED: Researchers

from all over the galaxy
petition to work there.

Really? Wow.

Any good bars?

I will investigate.

No, Bortus, you don't
have to investigate that.

I have already obtained the information.

- Oh.
- Shall I withhold it?

No, you can tell us.

There are no bars.

How about strip clubs?

- Gordon.
- Sorry.

There are no strip clubs.

Captain, there's a message coming in

from Admiral Halsey.

It says that an executive officer

has become available and can rendezvous

with the Orville at station 794.

That's great. That's
barely out of our way.

Who is it?

He wants me to forward
it to you privately.

All right, send it to my station.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- What's the matter?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ah, crap! Sorry, man, you okay?

Yeah, it's all good, man. You okay?

- Yeah, all good. Sorry.
- All right, no worries.

Calm down, Ed, and be
professional about this.

Oh, please, there is nothing at all

professional about this situation.

Okay, this is my ex-wife,

who I have not seen since my divorce

a year ago after I walked in
on her banging a Retepsian.

I know this isn't ideal,

but she's the only
qualified XO available.

And the staff profile
compatibility program

indicated your skill
sets complement hers.

Oh, it did? See if your
compatibility program

can get blue out of a white lampshade.

Ed, you need to calm yourself here.

God, I can't even believe
this is happening.

Look, she is the only current option,

and if you make a stink
about an XO assignment

one day into your first command,

with your record,

it's not gonna look good.

And you're telling me
she's okay with this?

Ed, she requested it.

(console beeps)

Sir, Shuttle Bay reports

the XO's shuttle has docked.

Can you tell her to come
straight to my office?

Aye, sir.

The captain does not
appear to be pleased

at the arrival of his first officer.

Why is this?

'Cause she's a total bitch.

Do you know her?

Oh, yeah. They were married.

No way.

- She cheated on him.
- Aw, damn, that's cold.

Yeah, so this should be a
really fun trip for all of us.

Your description of the occurrence

indicates unpleasantness,

yet you believe it will be fun.

I was being sarcastic. It's gonna suck.

- Suck?
- Yeah, suck. You know, like, ass, balls.

What he means is, if you
don't already drink,

you should probably start.

Perhaps we should not
be talking about this.

Oh, no, no, no, we're,
we're talking about this.

It does not seem appropriate.

Oh, no, we're definitely
talking about it.

Th-Th-This is a thing.

(door chimes)

(sighs) Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

It's a nice office.

Thank you.

Did you pick out the furniture?

You know, I didn't, but if you're really

interested in the furniture,
I'd be happy to get

all the information I can about it.

I could have somebody
compile a full report

and have it sent to your
quarters this afternoon.

Maybe you'd find something
nice for your new apartment.

Are you all finished?

Well, you know, I thought I was,

but, apparently, you're not.

Ed...

I can't apologize enough.

I know it doesn't matter to you,

but I-I am sorrier for what I did to you

than anything I've ever
done in my entire life.

You know, I've done

a pretty good job getting over all this

in the past year,

and I'm over it, so
why don't you tell me

what the hell you're doing here?

I heard about your promotion.

I also heard there was no XO available,

and you know how the fleet admirals are.

They don't like to see a captain
on his own for too long.

And I figured I'd wronged you so badly

that if there was something
good I could do for you,

it'd help me atone in some way.

So I requested a transfer.

I literally bailed on my own
crewmates to come here.

Well, you bailed on a whole marriage,

so I imagine that was a
piece of cake for you, huh?

Ed, look, I'm not saying what
I did wasn't disgraceful,

but I only did it because
I didn't have you.

(laughs): There it is. How
long did that take you?

How many minutes into
this conversation?

You were working nonstop.

Okay, there were entire days

- I wouldn't see you.
- Yeah, I was working for us,

Kelly, for you and I.
That... you know this.

I didn't ask you to do that.

Okay? Y-You just shut off
from our relationship.

I-I didn't know how to handle it.

So you banged Papa Smurf in our bed.

- That's one way to handle it.
- Darulio was there when you weren't.

And you know how many times I tried

to talk to you, but you
just kept putting me off?

Whe-When did you try to talk to me?

- So many times.
- Where it wasn't, like, an insidious,

- subtle, sarcastic...
- Either you weren't hearing me

or you weren't around
at all, but I did try.

I was the one who suggested
couples counseling.

Couples counseling?

The therapist was your brother-in-law.

Look, this... okay... this ship

is what I've been waiting
for my entire career.

My entire life.

So why are you doing this to me?

As soon as another XO becomes available,

I'll be the one to request a transfer.

(door whooshes open)

Whoa, hey.

Hi there.

I was just on my way to the john.

Well, I'm-I'm glad I bumped into you.

Do you have a second?

Sure. I can hold it.

Okay. Gordon, I just
want to make sure...

You know what?

You should probably call
me Lieutenant Malloy,

seeing as how you're my boss now... sir.

Right. Lieutenant.

I just want to make sure that

everything's all right between us.

I mean, I'm assuming that
you and Ed are still close.

Yeah.

Yeah, and...

what happened between Ed and
I, that... it was a mistake.

A big one. And, um,

I guess I just want to know
that you're gonna be okay

taking orders from me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, no, no.

I'm a professional,
don't worry about that.

That's good to hear.

Actually, the folks up on the bridge

were asking about you earlier,

and I was telling them you're actually

- a really cool person.
- Really?

I kind of primed the pump
for you up there, you know.

All good vibes.

That's very magnanimous of you.

I got you. I got you.

(sighs)

So, um, permission to pee?

Oh. (chuckles): Granted, yes.

Sweet, sweet.

Hey, I'm gonna go look up
what "magnanimous" means.

- Great.
- Great.

I mean, pee first, though.

Priorities.

(laughing): You know it.

♪ ♪

Entering orbit of Epsilon 2.

Lieutenant Kitan,

signal them we're ready.

ALARA: Aye, Commander.

Man, you could cut the
tension with a Kn*fe.

Do not make eye contact.

Orville to Epsilon Science Station.

We're here and ready to
bring down supplies.

Orville, this is Dr. Aronov.

I am chief of this facility.

May I speak to your captain?

Put him on the viewer.

Dr. Aronov, this is Captain Ed Mercer.

We're about to start sending
down your supplies.

Actually, Captain, we-we
don't need any supplies.

I-I don't understand.

You requested these
supplies yourself, yeah?

I did.

I'm sorry.

I-I wouldn't have lied unless I had to.

Please, come down to the surface.

I will explain everything.

This is really strange.

Yeah, it's a great way
to start things off.

Bortus, you have the conn.

Lieutenant, you're with us.

You see that dog in the background

licking his balls?

First thing I saw.

MAN: Prepare for Orville
shuttle arrival, Bay 3.

Captain Mercer.

Welcome to Epsilon 2.

- Thank you for coming.
- Dr. Aronov.

- This is my security chief, Alara Kitan.
- Hi.

- My chief medical officer, Claire Finn.
- Pleasure.

And my ex-wife, Kelly Grayson.

I'm his first officer.

Ah.

But if any of your research team

needs an artless, jabby-nail
shoulder massage,

she's the best there is.

Doctor, you want to tell us
why you falsely diverted

a starship on active duty?

You know you could do time for that.

We need protection.

Protection from what?

The Krill.

There have been no Krill
ships sighted in this area.

Come inside. I'll explain.

(indistinct voice over P.A. system)

Wow. No wonder they call this place

the scientists' playground.

- Incredible, isn't it?
- Yeah.

Here. Follow me through the botany lab.

We're doing genetic research
and development here

that will change the face of the galaxy.

(shouts)

(chirping)

Is that one of your projects?

No, no, that's Dr. Jorvik,
our chief botanist.

Keep up, please.

What sort of research
are you doing here?

Oh, well, uh...

this is a redwood seed.

- Looks pretty ordinary, yes?
- KELLY: Sure.

Well, this seed has been
genetically engineered

with tardigrade DNA,

which means it can survive
and grow in anything.

Rock, metal, sand.

It can exist a hundred
years without water.

You can toss this seed in
the middle of the Sahara,

and in a century you'll
have a towering redwood.

That's really impressive.

And as a bonus, a healthy snack.

Here, try some.

(Mercer sighs)

Yeah, it's very tasty.

Listen, Dr. Aronov, why are we here?

I couldn't tell you the real
reason we needed a Union ship

because I couldn't risk

divulging the information
over open communications.

This way.

(sighs)

This is Janice Lee, one of our
most brilliant young physicists.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Janice has been experimenting
with temporal fields

and has made... well, a breakthrough

would be an understatement.

So, it's an anti-banana ray?

It's really interesting.

We need no longer fear the banana.

- Does it work on all fruit?
- What about salads?

Do you understand what
happened to this banana?

It's rotten

because a month has passed.

Since we got here? Yeah,
that's what it feels like.

LEE: Captain Mercer,

this banana is suspended
in a quantum bubble

that can be adjusted to accelerate time.

Out here only a few moments have passed.

Inside the bubble, it's
a month in the future.

Does it work in both directions?

Like, could somebody use
it to go backward in time

and tell their younger self

not to make a terrible life decision?

Hey, will you give it a rest
for, like, five minutes?

- No, I didn't mean that-that...
- I know what you meant.

No, I just meant, like, tell yourself

not to break your leg in that fall

or don't eat too many carbs

or-or don't get married,
but is that how it works?

No, the field can only accelerate

the forward pace of time.

Captain...

we have figured out a way

to use quantum field technology

to manipulate the speed of events.

CLAIRE: Sir, I've read
about this hypothetical.

Quantum field manipulation
of the flow of time

is theoretically possible.

Wait, so... so you're serious?

- My God.
- ARONOV: Think of the benefits.

Entire crops grown in
the blink of an eye.

Starving populations

supplied with limitless
amounts of food overnight.

Life-threatening wounds healed...

- (snaps fingers) ...instantly.
- Or entire armies

reduced to frail elders instantly.

You do realize this could
also be used as a w*apon.

That's why you're here.

We couldn't risk sending
word to the Union fleet

about what we'd discovered.

If the Krill intercepted it,

they could've been here long before you.

Well, we're only one
ship and not a big one,

so we better get help.

How fast does the field
of acceleration go?

How would you like to see
a 100-year-old banana?

Watch this.

Mercer to Bortus.

Bortus here, sir.

Get a coded message to Union Central

that Epsilon 2 is in possession of a...

Put down that comscanner, Captain.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this?
What's going on?

Put down that comscanner

and drop all your weapons now.

Listen, I don't know
what you're trying to...

Okay, okay, relax.

Move.

ARONOV: Derek, what the
hell are you doing?

(whispering): Oh, of
course it's a Derek.

Who is this man?

Derek Ashton, he's a lab technician.

He's been here over a year.

I don't understand this.
Explain yourself.

Ashton to Krill vessel. It's time.

Derek, listen to me. Don't do this.

Back off!

(screaming)

- Back off! Back off.
- Look, you...

Stay back! Stay where you are.

Bortus to Captain Mercer.

We've just detected

a Krill destroyer entering orbit.

Raise deflector screens.

Deflector screens up.

Two Krill shuttles are
heading for the surface.

Captain, there are Krill
soldiers heading down to you.

Captain.

God, there's no way

we're gonna be out by
5:00 today, are we?

BORTUS: Captain. Do you read?

ASHTON: Answer him.

Tell him the Krill come in peace

- and to stand down all weapons.
- They won't believe me.

- Do it!
- Listen, I...

- Do it now!
- Okay.

BORTUS: Captain, do you read?

- Please respond.
- Say something!

Mercer to Bortus.

The Krill are here in peace. Uh...

They just came down for...

The lab is having a pizza party
and the Krill are invited.

Oh, man, can we go?

Oh, Bortus, can we
please go down there?

Did you say...

a pizza party?

It's for office birthdays.

Lot of September birthdays down here.

(grunts)

Alara, good work.

Bortus, the Krill are here to att*ck.

Keep the weapons charged
and the deflectors up

until we can get to you.

There is no pizza party. I repeat,

there is no pizza party.

She's dead.

- My God, she must be over 125 years old.
- Dr. Aronov,

we have to get the device back
to the Orville. What do we need?

Detach the main generator and
grab the controller device.

(soldier speaking Krill)

BORTUS: Orville to Krill ship.

Call off your att*ck on the
surface or we will respond.

The Krill are powering weapons.

Deflectors are at two-thirds power.

Return fire.

(speaks Krill)

Back, back, back, back, back.

(people shouting)

Doc, is there another way out of here?

There's an old loading conduit,

but it's across the atrium.

We're gonna have to sprint for it.

- All right, get ready.
- Doc, stay behind Alara.

Which one's Alara?

Oh, I'm Alara.

Sorry, still learning names.

Now.

(shouts)

(grunts)

(grunts)

(beeping)

Ka'vaska!

Deflectors at half power.

Sir, I think I can buy us some time

till we can get the landing party back.
Let me wing it here?

Proceed.

This is something I call
"hugging the donkey."

You can hug the donkey?

Dude, I've been hugging the
donkey since flight school.

(whooping, laughing)

Round and round she goes!

Ha, ha!

It's dead.

(grunts)

Door's jammed.

Alara. You want to open
this jar of pickles for me?

(grunts)

I loosened it for you.

(growls)

Alara, get the device
back to the shuttle.

- We'll cover you.
- Got it.

(panting)

Okay.

(weapons f*ring in distance)

(whirring)

(growls)

(groans)

Everybody, strap in.

Shuttle to Orville, we're on our way.

Captain, let me see that shoulder.

- Does it hurt?
- Yeah, it hurts like hell.

That means it's not that bad.

What are you talking about, Kelly?

I literally just said
it hurts like hell.

When he's really in pain,
he gives straight answers

with no cussing.

He's just hoping you give him dr*gs.

That's a bunch of crap, Kelly.
I'm in real pain here.

I... why, do you have dr*gs on, on...?
Did you...?

Everything's on the ship.

Approaching ionosphere,
adjusting attitude.

Mercer to Bortus.

Are you gonna be able
to cut the deflectors

long enough for us to get through?

BORTUS: It may not matter, sir.

The deflectors are almost gone.

Oh, boy, that can't be good.

They won't fire on us, they
know we have the device.

Give me the device.

Give me the device,

and perhaps I will not harm you.

(quietly): All right, he's got a g*n.

But we have something better.

What?

Seat belts.

(shouts)

Deflectors are depleted.

That was a piece of the upper engine!

We've lost helm control!

Mercer to Orville, we've
lost navigational control

and we're about 12 seconds
away from hitting you

- like a bug on a windshield.
- Lieutenant,

can you align the shuttle bay
doors with their trajectory?

Sir, even if I was the best
helmsman in the galaxy,

that's virtually impossible.

If you can hug the donkey,

you can do this.

Come on, man, you got this.

You can do it.

It's like threading a needle
in a hurricane, but I'll try.

(laughter, cheering)

- Yes. (whoops)
- (exhales sharply)

Well done, Lieutenant.

Sir, since I pulled that off,

can I please wear shorts to work?

I've already said no. Return fire.

Secure that Krill!

KRILL COMMANDER: Union vessel, surrender

and prepare to be boarded.

Upper and middle engines
are gone, Captain.

- I have failed you.
- Ship's in one piece, Bortus.

I couldn't have done better. Isaac.

If I can buy us some time,

can you restore enough
power to the lower engine

to get us out of here?

- I can try, sir.
- Do it.

Alara, hail the commander
of the Krill ship.

Captain, he's already signaling us.

Put him on.

Krill Commander,

this is Captain Ed Mercer.

Break off your att*ck, and we can talk.

Give me the device, human,

or I will destroy your ship.

Sorry, can you, can you move, like,

- two steps to your right?
- What?

Just like a little, t-tiny bit...

It's just a lot of dead
space there, just...

Yeah, just right th... perfect.
Yeah, sorry,

you were just very weirdly framed,

it was all I could focus on.

Anyway, what is it you want?

You know what I want.

Sorry, right, yeah, sorry. I'm
a little distracted lately.

I just got out of a rough marriage,

and it's been a difficult time.

- My wife had an affair...
- Oh, my God.

Are you really bringing
this up right now?

I'm trying to keep him talking,
so I can buy us some time.

Oh, okay. In that case, you know what?

You're an objective third party.

Are you married?

What?

Oh, my God, you're ac...

you're bringing him into our...

No, I'm just buying us some time.

Let me ask you something.

Do you make an effort to balance

your career with your home life?

A marriage is work.

It takes work, right? Compromise.

On both sides, yes.

And if you didn't make that effort,

would you be surprised if your wife

sought comfort in the arms of another?

No, that would be selfish.

"No, that would be s..." Yeah, yeah,

'cause both of you are
complete friggin' saints.

You know what? I don't have
to sit here and listen...

- (expl*si*n)
- KRILL COMMANDER: Enough!

Emergency power.

You have 20 seconds to
give me the device,

or you will die.

Isaac, what about that engine?

Still only at partial power, sir.

Alara, put the Krill on hold.

I have an idea.

What is it?

Let's give him the device.

- What?
- Dr. Aronov,

can you preset the field to fire up

at a specific intensity the moment

the Krill activate it?

I think so, but why?

And the field can accelerate
time a hundred years.

- Correct?
- Yes, it can.

About how long it takes
a redwood to grow.

Alara, put him back on.

All right, Commander, you win.

We'll send you the device
by remote shuttle.

When you receive it,

we'll transmit the activation code.

Do not take long.

We won't.

Maybe she's not such a bitch.

State-of-the-art weaponry on
this ship and we're using glue.

My favorite part of
being a fleet officer.

The arts and crafts.

You know, if we had time,

I'd make a macaroni man to put on here.

You can make a macaroni man?

I make really good macaroni men.

All right, let's get her out of here.

The shuttle is aboard the Krill ship.

Signal them.

All right, Commander. You have it.

Excellent. Now,

give me the activation code.

The code is six, alpha,
nine, three, seven,

alpha, three, zero, zero.

(beeping)

Happy Arbor Day.

Wait. What's Arbor Day?

It's the holiday where
you plant the trees.

I wouldn't have got that.

Oh, yeah. No, I didn't
get that, either.

You knew what Arbor Day was, right?

I mean, actually, I had
to think a second.

Kind of confusing.

Nobody knows what Arbor Day is.

- BORTUS: No.
- ALARA: No.

- I knew.
- BORTUS: I do not.

What would you have said?

I would've said,

"You got wood."

- (laughter)
- GORDON: Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah, that is better, isn't it?

(door chimes)

Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

I didn't want to bother
you unless I had to.

You've kind of kept to
yourself these last few days.

Yeah, the admirals want a full
report on the Epsilon 2 stuff,

so it's just taking a while.

Yeah, you need some help?

No, I got it.

So, um, I just wanted to tell you

- (whirring, clicking)
- that Lieutenant Commander Murphy...

Sorry.

Excuse me. Can you... just...

Just not now.

No, just... we're talking. We're t...

Yes. Good, you got it, good.

Okay.

Lieutenant Commander
Murphy of the USS...

- (whirring, clicking)
- Oh, my God.

Just come back l... just do it later.
Thank you.

Just not now, we're
having a conversation.

Thank... yes. Thank you. Good.
Thumbs up. Okay.

Sorry, go ahead.

Lieutenant Commander Murphy

of the USS Chanute just got promoted.

So now he's eligible for a
first officer position.

And he's a friend of mine.

So I told him he could
have this posting.

He's a great guy, you're gonna love him,

and I'll be out of your
hair by the end of the day.

Okay.

Okay.

Wait.

I never really said thank
you for what you did.

You saved the ship.

I was just doing my job.

You were always better at
solving my problems than I was.

You were always wise.

Well... thank you for saying that.

Kelly.

I'm asking you to stay.

Really?

You're one hell of an XO,

and I think you'd make a
fine addition to this crew.

A-And you're not concerned

about the other stuff?

We'll figure it out.

Welcome to the Orville,

Commander Grayson.

(door chimes)

Come in.

Commander Grayson, have a seat.

I can't stay long.

I just wanted to say thank you.

For trusting me.

Your father and I were close.
I owed him one.

Regardless, it looks like
you were right about Ed.

You made a hell of a plea for
us to give him that command.

Honestly, I don't think we
would've done it otherwise.

I know.

But he's a smart officer who
just had a little rough patch.

Does he know?

No.

And I plan on keeping it that way.

Well... he's lucky to
have you on his side.

Thank you.

Take care, Admiral.

(door whooshes open)