06x07 - Hex, Lies & No Videotape

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch". Aired: September 27, 1996 – April 24, 2003.*
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Based off the comic book series, Sabrina a magical witch and her black talking cat Salem navigate the teenage years together.
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06x07 - Hex, Lies & No Videotape

Post by bunniefuu »

Hi Josh.
I thought you were at work.

-Everything is fine?
-Not really.

Mike gave me
an impossible task.

want me to find
a journalism intern

top notch,
I do not know where...

Back to tape!
Did you say journalism intern?

Yes, and listen to this one. Have to
to study journalism.

I do journalism!

And you have to have experience.
in college newspaper.

I have experience
in the college newspaper.

Josh, you have to
get an interview!

I would, but unfortunately
a guy already introduced

the name of the girlfriend for Mike.

Then that's it?
Can't even get an interview?

-That doesn't seem fair.
-Is not fair...

at least not to
the other people,

because Mike hired you!

My God, Josh!
This is fantastic!

you are the best boyfriend
of the universe, and I know, I was there.

Well I have to admit it wasn't.
a completely selfless act.

have my girlfriend
at work means that

I'll start
to do much more of it.

Back to tape! I don't think they should
know about us in the newspaper.

Sabrina, Mike already knows
that we are a couple.

But I do not want
that no one else knows.

I mean it's my first
real world newspaper job,

it is important that people
see me as a professional,

and not just like
the photographer's girlfriend.

Everything is fine. As far as I know,
we never met.

you are just a blonde
crazy person who showed up.

You are the best!

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
S E - Hex, Lies And No Videotape

Translation, Review and Sync:
Michael Lemos

How am I?

Delicious!

I dont 'want to say,
do i look professional?

I was thinking about
a mixture of

Katie Kurt, Connie Jung
and Ted Copple.

Well, that k*lled the fantasy.

Maybe that will bring it back.

One last kiss before ever
we have known each other.

Very discreet.

The office will never find out
who are dating.

Mike, I just want you to know
I thank you so much...

Conversation is worthless.
Come with me.

Is that you,
go play with the camera.

I will put you with mine
best reporter, Rebecca Scott.

If she's smart, she'll learn
everything she has to teach.

Sabrina, Rebecca.
Rebecca, Sabrina.

the ride is
officially finished.

If you do not mind,
I have a newspaper to run.

Excellent. As soon as
Kennedy is available,

ask him to call me
on my private line.

I was calling
Senator Kennedy?

No, Jose Kennedy,
My hair stylist.

He is busy.
So he's my new intern?

Yes, I'm Sabrina Spellman,
study at Adams College,

I write for the newspaper
from college,

I made a little
exposition about brotherhoods,

well actually they were
nine hundred and twelve words

that do much bigger
how small.

Sabrina, no need
get nervous.

I started like
intern too,

so I know by
that is passing.

Did you notice the small amount
of oxygen going to the brain?

Look, obviously you are very
qualified for work,

otherwise I wouldn't have
dropped the amount

of people
that Mike interviewed.

Yeah, the process was brutal.

I even had no reflexes
from so much stress.

And as soon as I get these pencils,
I can do whatever I want.

You know, phone calls,
Check facts, research.

How about searching if you have
a fresh pot of coffee?

It can leave!

Black, no sugar.

On my way!

The kitchen is upstairs.

You is good.

-I hit!
-Again? Must be stealing.

Yes, that must be it.

how else
a university professor

with a doctorate
in quantum physics

could be more
smarter than a cat?

Excellent!
Hilda is back.

now we can play
spinster.

I'm actually more
with the desire to "Go Fish!".

I was
making a joke!

And now I'm laughing.

Zellie, you should
have come with me.

I went to bargain in Ancient Rome.

look what i got
by Cashius Onlius.

I practically stole it.

A karat gold necklace
for lire.

The green mark on your neck
was it included?

that merchant
of goats will pay me.

On the positive side,
brightens your pasty complexion.

Hilda, how many times does it have to be
tricked to learn the lesson?

Cashius Onlius would sell
her own mother for profit.

In fact, he sold it for two
darts and a parmesan cheese,

and that wouldn't have happened
if he came shopping with me.

To the land without deodorant?
I think not.

take me!
I like to live on the edge!

But not in that limit.

So, Spellman, how are you?

Excellent!
I learned how to change the toner and

I'm working on mine
third jammed paper.

When you've untied it,
make copies of it.

Then go to the meeting table,
Rebecca and the guy who isn't

your boyfriend are in need
for your help with a story.

thirty copy
at,
separated and stapled.

It's amazing!

And then
I unwrapped the paper...

No, our copier
neither separates nor staples.

But your new intern does.

Josh, do you know our
new intern, Sabrina?

No, perfect stranger.

I never saw this woman
in my whole life...

I mean hi
nice to meet you.

Yes, nice to meet you too.
Josh, right?

Okay and...
Sabrina, right?

-Right.
-It's all right.

Mike said you need
help with a story?

Yes, this is the front page.

animal testing
in the cosmetics industry.

Josh will take some pictures
and you will investigate a lot.

Excellent!
So where do I start?

who, what, where,
why and how?

Let's start with who.
Who... wants lunch?

Josh, we must send her to
the Chinese restaurant or deli?

Do you want Sabrina
buy my lunch?

well not just
her lunch, everyone's.

She's the intern, for that
that she is here. Right?

That.
So what will you want?

Seriously, I'm fine.
I ate yesterday.

Yes, but it's today and it's time
to eat again.

So what would you like?

I wish you would stop
to ask what I want.

-I'm not hungry.
- Well, I'm starving,

so buy me a sandwich
of bacon and one of turkey,

that Josh would eat
if you were hungry.

I'll be right back, I'll check
with the copy editor.

What are you doing?

Why don't you ask soon
this stupid lunch?

Sorry, I don't feel
comfortable giving you orders.

Look, Josh, you have to forget
this one from Mr. Sensitive.

when we are here,
I'm not your girlfriend,

I am a face without a name.

I wanted this to come in
in that hollow head of yours.

Keep talking and be mine
girlfriend will not be a problem.

That's what I want to hear.

Hey, I need a favor.

Maybe Rebecca,
my boss, call,

and if I'm not here,
I don't want anyone

give information about my
whereabouts or who I am with.

Got on the paranoia wagon?
Welcome aboard.

I don't understand, Spellman,
you get a job

in a newspaper where the purpose
is to tell the truth.

So the minute you walk in there
Does your life become a lie?

It's not a lie, a system
of privacy defense.

I want to establish credibility
on my own terms.

I don't want them to think that I'm
there for being Josh's girlfriend.

Hello?

Maybe Sabrina is here,
maybe not.

-Who wants to know?
-Hello?

Hi Rebecca!

Really liked my research
about animal experimentation?

It means a lot coming from
an experienced professional.

Yes, it's unbelievable.

Who in their right mind
would you put lipstick on a dog?

Great, see you tomorrow.

Rebecca liked
of my research!

She thinks I have potential.

Me, Sabrina, the intern,
not Sabrina, Josh's girlfriend.

still think
that should be careful.

Secret and deceit have a way
to come back to haunt.

are thought
cynics like this

that take away the joy
of human experience.

I'm getting out of here!

And don't even ask me
where am i going!

Okay, if you really want to know,
I go to the library.

Morgan, why are you
throwing away good dishes?

They were all used!

We have a huge washing machine
dishes in the back, it's called Hank.

Whatever! all this work
to earn a living is

much more complicated
than i thought.

I'm sure it's not a jump
easy from princess to waitress.

No kidding! don't you think that in
instead of cutting everything at once,

my father could not have canceled
the first platinum card

and then slowly
taking the gold from me.

Speaking of gold, what a nice piece
of South Africa on your finger.

Thanks!

That was from before daddy
cut the allowance.

Look at the size of this thing.

No wonder you can't
balance a tray.

not found
a lot of diamond

multifaceted with
this stoning.

Looks like you know about jewelry.

Let's put it this way,
I don't just drink coffee at Tiffanies,

how do i get to
lunch and dinner.

Morgan, I'd like to get out
here and do some shopping?

I would love,
what about the dishes?

Ready.

this is what i call
shopping.

Too bad you won't remember
nothing when we get back.

Cashius.
Check it out, colleague.

cool chicken.

Rebecca called me last night.
She said she loved my stuff.

Excellent! can we stop it
and say she's my girlfriend?

No way! I don't want
that she thinks I lied.

we don't lie,
you lied.

Look, strangers, if really
want others to think

who are drinking water,

it is better to put
a little in the glasses.

See you later.

Try some water,
it's to die for.

Here the
some information
that I got

about monkeys and moisturizers.

Once again,
great job, Sabrina.

I can do
a personal question?

Just between friends?

We are friends?
That was quick. Ask.

What do you think of Josh?

Josh?
I never thought about Josh.

Why would I think about Josh?

I was just wondering
if you think he's cute?

I? No!
Pisces who don't shave and

dubious looking
not my type.

And you?

Yeah, I think he's a cat.

Josh?
Are we talking about the same Josh?

how do you know that
is he a pisces?

I read in the employee bulletin,
next to that funny article

on income tax.
Have you done yours?

The report card said if he had
a girlfriend?

Josh? Girlfriend?
Please.

What? think he doesn't like it
of girls?

Did you hear that rumor too?

Wait a minute. Is not
interested in him, aren't you?

I? I may be desperate
but not so desperate.

No, the truth is
he strikes me as the lonely type.

You know, living at home with mom,
playing Playstation two.

Well he's about to go
for Playstation three.

I will ask you out.

Don't talk, just listen.

Rebecca will you
invite out.

Say you have a girlfriend
and everything will be over.

Here she comes.
I have to go.

By the way, she knows
that you are a pisces.

-Hey, Josh.
-Yes it's me. The Pisces.

Look, I just wanted you
ask something.

ask me anything
and if I don't know,

I will ask
my girlfriend.

-Do you have a girlfriend?
-I have a girlfriend.

-Then?
-He's seeing someone.

Idiot!

It is so strange.
I've never heard him speak of anyone.

Seriously?

He's been working here for three months
and he never mentioned his girlfriend?

Maybe he's reserved,
or not serious with her.

Yes he is!
I mean, well, who knows?

You know, the question
is that he already has a wife.

Sabrina, I'll give you
a very special mission.

Your investigative skills
will come in handy.

Can send.

Find out who this girl is
that Josh is dating.

I? I mean,
want me to find out?

yes, and find out
if the thing is serious.

ok but really
I think it's a waste of time.

I mean, Josh didn't
looks like your type.

How about Gordon from accounting?
He is adorable.

He's years old!

But just got it
a new heart.

I sell for lire.

Please! i could buy
by in Las Vegas,

plus a free spin
at roulette.

liras and I give this keyring
handmade silk.

Take it!

lire, final offer or let's go
to the thief in the next tent.

- !
-Let's get out of here.

Okay, liras,
but no keyring.

-So we have a deal?
- Does Nero play the harp?

Did you hear that Morgan?
We have a deal!

Show the finger to the man to
so he can scale it.

Do me a favor, okay?

The next time,
leave the princess at home.

in her dreams,
toga boy.

From now on, the princess comes
with me on every Roman holiday.

When it comes to jewelry,
the princess is worth its weight in gold.

What would she say if we talk
with Marcus Aurelius?

Morgan! Morgan!
Cashius, I lost Princess.

Perhaps you are interested in a beautiful
armor to match.

How much?

I'm lost.
Rebecca wants me to find out

who is josh's girlfriend
and tell her.

Well you could...

open the game
about Josh and me?

I thought about it, but Rebecca
would hate me for lying

and destroy progress
what I've done so far.

Why do not you...

say that Josh
are you not dating anymore?

Rebecca was going to give
on top of him again!

Well, how about...

Keep up the charade?
It's the only plausible option,

but I would have to arrange
a fictional girlfriend.

-Did you think...
-That's it!

...to leave
I finish a sentence?

Don't talk, just listen.
Roxie is his girlfriend.

Roxie!
Is she crazy?

No, but you are for her.
I have to go.

Man I gotta stop walking
near this watering hole.

May I help you, miss?

I'm looking for my boyfriend.
Josh.

So you are
Josh's girlfriend.

For the next few minutes,
remember if,

folded jeans and
my hand-washed t-shirts.

that is the woman
behind your man...

I mean, my man...

I mean I didn't agree.
in washing anything by hand! Go!

Rebecca, look who's here.
Josh's girlfriend.

Hey darling.
How are you?

Well.

Well, thanks for visiting.

They are a couple?

Yes, a couple of people
madly in love.

But he didn't even
will you kiss?

I'm sure there's a passion
boiling under the surface.

Oh, dear.
I never get tired of your love.

Yeah well there's a lot
more where that came from.

I know. And so
that I'm your girlfriend.

I
That's a hot couple.

someone throw a bucket
of water on the two.

we are looking
for the same couple?

Come here, sexy.

-What are you doing?
-What were you doing?

Trying to kiss my love.

Well, find another love.

I will do the Miles
wash my clothes.

Did you hear that?
She just broke up with Josh.

you know what that
means, doesn't it?

We have to do everything
to make them come back?

No! We do everything in our power
to team up with Josh.

how do you think i should
approach me?

Well give it a year or two
to overcome,

then another year
to meet new people,

and if you're still interested,
invites you for coffee.

Zelda, I need you to come
with me to ancient Rome.

I am busy.

You do not understand.
I went back to the coliseum,

I found a beautiful ring,
I didn't get the key...

Hilda, get straight to the point.

I'm one step away
to discover cold fusion.

I took Morgan with me
and lost it.

I'll get my bag.

Now Rebecca is on your toes
again, what am i going to do?

I will tell you that
you won't.

Arm me with anything
another girl like Roxie!

Do you think she moved
my shoulder.

It was to kiss her,
don't swallow her tonsils.

hey it was you who said
to look real.

Sorry for getting you involved
in that lie.

I promise I will
reward you.

IT IS?
Starting when?

Now.

Well well well.

Rebecca!

I guarantee it wasn't
in the employee bulletin.

-I can explain!
-It's not necessary.

A picture is worth more
what a thousand words.

I knew you liked him.

I don't like!
Serious!

Rebecca, all this
it's my fault...

Spare me Sabrina.
It won't be a problem anymore.

Does she know?

Knew she would be on the last
place we were looking.

Okay, this is the plan.

Distract the eunuch while
I get Morgan.

Why do I always have
to distract the eunuch?

'Cause it's always you who
get into these situations.

All good!
I will distract the eunuch.

Hey little bald,
there's some oil in there.

Put me down, my
nails are still wet!

You will never
get away with this!

My boyfriend is responsible
across this empire!

Well that was fun.

Nothing like trying to run away
of half the Roman army,

with a giant urn
in your head.

Speaks seriously.
You've made some contacts.

Hilda, that was one of your
most spectacular blunders.

as if i were the only one
person who did this?

Not even. can direct
attention to the dining room?

Well well well,
What do we have here?

A not too small spider.

Hey guys,
just passing the time.

Looks like someone walked away
getting into a web of lies.

It must have been well crafted.
get caught in a big web.

Delayed,
someone to lighten my bar.

Well, I'll tell you everything,
after taking me out of here.

this is just
a temporary fix.

how can i solve mine
problem definitely?

Gotta go to people
to whom you have lied and tell the truth.

I think I'll stay here,
and start my own website.

Okay, I'll tell Rebecca all
the story from beginning to end.

We hope she sees that my
intentions were good and forgive me.

I hope you better take it off
the spider's web.

Has anyone seen Rebecca?

Not. She must have come in the middle
night and cleaned the table.

Josh, did you hear that?
Rebecca is gone!

totally humiliated
the star reporter.

With great help from me!

No, I got us into this mess
and now I'm going to get us out of it.

No, please,
no other plan.

Excuse me!
Guys, come closer and listen.

Contrary to mine
acting skills

led them to believe,
I don't think Josh is spoiled.

In fact, the sad truth is
that Josh and I dated.

That's right,
Josh and I are dating,

we are absolutely
crazy about each other.

Go straight to the point!

But just because Josh
got me this job

doesn't mean I don't have
ability to be accepted

for what i am.

It's true, I never
should have lied but,

believe me,
no one feels worse than me

because that newspaper lost its
best reporter because of me.

Hey Rebecca ain't gone
because of you.

she got a job
as correspondent

foreign to
the Washington Post.

What?

She said she was going to stop at the Café
that you work and say goodbye.

Making my little rant
completely unnecessary

and becoming object
of total humiliation.

Thanks good night!

Who the hell is this?

Got me.
I think she cleans the bathroom.

Roxie was right.

Secrets and lies always
come back to
to haunt you.

Sabrina, I know why you did this
and there's nothing wrong

wanting to be accepted for who you are
and not for who you're dating,

but please,
just promise me one thing.

From now on,
will everything be in the open?

That's it.

Hey I think that means
that we don't have more than

us to hide to kiss.
- I knew I had an advantage.

Guys, please!
Show some class.

what do you think it's for
the storeroom?

Everything felt so real! I was
dating this emperor

Roman and was
living in this beautiful palace.

Great memory spell.
She remembers every detail.

She doesn't remember.

And you were there too, Hilda!
And Zelda too!

She dropped a fat man
bald with the bag.

No!
I distracted the eunuch!

What you want,
a medal?

learned the lesson about
shopping in ancient Rome?

Believe it,
I'm tired of ancient Rome.

Morgan, already bought sapphires
in Mesopotamia?
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